Parent Children Relationship

Maintaining better relationship with kids is not an easy task as their emotions are very much delicate and
immature. Children do not interpret what they observe and feel, but just react in the most spontaneous
way to what they see. They understand things just the way they feel them; thus dealing with them requires
skill and maintaining proper and better relationship with children is a hard to crack nut. There are
suggested ways of dealing with the feelings of children and manipulating the relationship with them.
Taking a bit of extra effort will make parents affectionately attached with children.
Most important is to make them feel that you care for them, you love and you consider them. This is the
right way of achieving the trust of children and having a healthy relationship with them. Let us see the
proven methods of having positive relationships with children.
Express your emotions; verbally
Tips on maintaining better relationship with children is not all the tips on pretending with kids and
hacking their minds. It is the psychologically and socially accepted and proven practices to prune kids and
still be better parents to them. As told earlier, children believe what they see; therefore say frequently that
you love them. Verbal and physical expressions of love and care make kids believe that parents are always
with them. Tell them every day that you love them unconditionally. The knowledge that parents remain
with them throughout the life will help them grow more confident and smarter. Few simple words of love
like, 'I love you', have abundant impact in maintaining better relationship with kids.
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Let your kids be addressed with a pet name at home. The original name often becomes a formal word to
address the kid. A pet name or a special name will help to establish a feeling of affection between the
parent and child. Pet names are, in fact, codes to denote the level of affection between parents and child.
Calling them by the pet names is effective to gain the love and trust of kids in return. Spending more time
with anyone, essentially, helps to grow richer in relationship. Kids demand the presence and concern of
parents all the way throughout childhood and further. Parents need to understand the amount of
inspiration kids can get from the presence and love of parents.
Respect kids feelings and choices
Respect the feelings and choices of your kids. This will generate a mutual respect between children and
parents. Children are tending to express their choices at the childhood itself. They express their likes
about toys dress etc. Parents need to respect their choices by not telling emphatic no to them when they
tell you their likes and wishes. It is possible that children may go wrong and may wish for an object
which does not suit them. Denying their choices instantly will make them feel rejected and dejected.

Respecting the choices of children and learn to deny them in the most soothing way by convincing kids
the fact why you deny it them. Never consider children as miniature human beings with inferior minds or
immature psychic realms. They are miniatures only in the physical form in the feelings level and in the
emotional levels, they are intense enough same as elders.
Make them priority and seek their opinions
Parents need to make kids a priority in life. Kids are the leaders of tomorrow. It is through them the
mankind goes ahead; they are the essential links in the continuity of human race. Every parent has to bear
in mind this essential realization and should grow up the kids as responsible human beings. Teach them to
have own opinions about all that is related to them. You can ask their suggestions whenever you take a
decision for them. This practice helps kids to feel that they are people of importance at home. Good
parents and good friends always. Parenting in better relationship with people is just understanding the
kids and developing an atmosphere of mutual respect at homes. Ignored kids are found to grow up as
social nuisance and anti-social persons. The warmth of parental affection and interpersonal relationship
with parents help kids to become mature enough and responsible enough to handle his own life as well
that of his/her fellow beings.
Better relationship with kids is necessary to interfere and influence in the grooming process of kids. When
children feel affection towards parents, he/she may feel the obligation to follow the guidelines of parents.
Just like with any relationship, building a positive relationship between parent and
child is one that requires work and effort to make it strong and successful. Parenting
is a tough job, and maintaining close relationships and open communications helps
to ensure parents and their children stay connected through all ages of their
upbringing. Here are 10 simple tips for enhancing the bond between parent and
child.
1. Say I Love You
Tell your child you love him every day -- no matter his age. Even on trying days or
after a parent-child disagreement, when you don't exactly "like your child" at that
moment, it is more important than ever to express your love. A simple "I love you"
goes a long way toward developing and then strengthening a relationship.
2. Teach Your Faith
Teach your child about your faith and beliefs. Tell him what you believe and why.
Allow time for your child to ask questions and answer them honestly. Reinforce
those teachings often.
3. Establish A Special Name Or Code Word
Create a special name for your child that is positive and special or a secret code
word that you can use between each other. Use the name as a simple reinforcement
of your love. The code word can be established to have special meaning between
your child and you that only you two understand. This code word can even be used
to extract a child from an uncomfortable situation (such as a sleepover that is not
going well) without causing undue embarrassment to the child.

4. Develop And Maintain A Special Bedtime Ritual

For younger children, reading a favorite bedtime book or telling stories is a ritual
that will be remembered most likely throughout their life. Older children should not
be neglected either. Once children start reading, have them read a page, chapter, or
short book to you. Even most teenagers still enjoy the ritual of being told goodnight
in a special way by a parent--even if they don't act like it!
5. Let Your Children Help You
Parents sometimes inadvertently miss out on opportunities to forge closer
relationships by not allowing their child to help them with various tasks and chores.
Unloading groceries after going to the store is a good example of something that
children of most ages can and should assist with. Choosing which shoes look better
with your dress lets a child know you value her opinion. Of course, if you ask, be
prepared to accept and live with the choice made!
6. Play With Your Children
The key is to really play with your children. Play with dolls, ball, make believe,
checkers, sing songs, or whatever is fun and interesting. It doesn't matter what you
play, just enjoy each other! Let kids see your silly side. Older kids enjoy cards,
chess, computer games, while younger ones will have fun playing about
anything...as long as it involves you!
7. Eat Meals As A Family
You've heard this before, and it really is important! Eating together sets the stage
for conversation and sharing. Turn the TV off, and don't rush through a meal. When
schedules permit, really talk and enjoy one another. It can become a quality time
most remembered by young and old alike.
8. Seek Out One-On-One Opportunities Often
Some parents have special nights or "standing dates" with their children to create
that one-on-one opportunity. Whether it is a walk around the neighborhood, a
special trip to a playground, or just a movie night with just the two of you, it is
important to celebrate each child individually. Although it is more of a challenge the
more children in a family, it is really achievable! Think creatively and the
opportunities created will be ones that you remember in the future.
9. Respect Their Choices
You don't have to like their mismatched shirt and shorts or love how a child has
placed pictures in his room. However, it is important to respect those choices.
Children reach out for independence at a young age, and parents can help to foster
those decision-making skills by being supportive and even looking the other way on
occasion. After all, it really is okay if a child goes to daycare with a striped green
shirt and pink shorts.

10. Make Them A Priority In Your Life

Your children need to know that you believe they are a priority in your life. Children
can observe excessive stress and notice when they feel you are not paying them
attention. Sometimes, part of being a parent is not worrying about the small stuff
and enjoying your children. They grow up so fast, and every day is special. Take
advantage of your precious time together while you have it!.
Community Center for Family Counseling
Principles for Improving Parent/Child Relationships
Golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This is the basis of democratic
living since it implies that individuals are equal in terms of human worth and dignity.
Mutual respect is the key to improving relationships between parents and children. Parents and children
are not the same; adults are more knowledgeable and experienced, but children are equal to parents in
terms of worth and dignity. Parents and children are entitled to the respect of each other and selfdetermination within the limits of the situation. In a relationship characterized by mutual respect, no one
takes advantage of the other; neither parents nor children are tyrants or slaves.
Encouragement implies faith in children as they are, not as parents would like them to be. Children
misbehave only when they are discouraged and believe they cannot succeed by useful means. Children
need encouragement just as plants need water. Parents can encourage children by focusing on their assets
and strengths thereby building their self-confidence and self-esteem.
Natural consequences allow children to learn from the physical reality or situation rather than parental
authority. The consequences of the situation can often exert the necessary pressure to stimulate useful
motivations. Only in moments of real danger is it necessary to protect children from the natural
consequences of their own disturbing behavior.
Logical consequences allow children to learn from the reality of social order. Parents can intervene with
consequences that both the parents and children can see as logically related to misbehavior and as
reasonable. Through logical consequences children are offered choices and are encouraged to make
responsible decisions rather than being forced to submit.
Reward and punishment are outdated. Children consider rewards as rights and demand rewards for
everything. They consider punishment as license to punish others or to retaliate against their parents.
Encouragement and natural and logical consequences can be more effective methods of child discipline.
Action is more effective than words in times of conflict. Children tend to become "parent-deaf" and act
only when raised voices imply some impending action, and then respond only momentarily. Usually
children know very well what is expected of them. Talking should be restricted to friendly conversations
and not used as a means of discipline. Action is often more effective than talking, scolding, or threatening.
Withdrawing from struggles with children can be effective counteraction. Parents can physically
remove themselves without it being surrender. Removal is most effective when children demand undue

attention or try to involve parents in power contests. Children get no satisfaction from being annoying if
nobody pays attention, and tantrums do not work without an audience.
Withdraw from the struggle, not from the child. Although talking and interaction in moments of
conflict with children are ineffective, friendly conversations and pleasant contacts at other times are
essential. Have fun and play together. The less attention children get when they are disturbing, the more
cooperative the relationship may become.
Resist interfering in children's fights. By allowing children to resolve their own conflicts, they learn to
get along better. Many fights are provoked to get parents involved to act as referees and judges. Parents
can best help children with social skills at times when they are not fighting.
Take time for training. Parents need to teach children useful skills and values. This training should be
done when neither parents nor children are upset. Taking time for training will eventually save time;
untrained children demand much of their parents' time.
Resist doing for children what they can do for themselves. Dependent children are demanding
children. Parents must be keen observers of their children and be careful not to underestimate their
children's abilities. Children become confident and responsible when offered opportunities and
encouraged to be contributing members of the family and community.
Children's behavior has purpose. Their basic purpose is to find their place in the social group, such as
the family. Well-behaved, well-adjusted children have found their way toward social acceptance by
understanding the requirements of the group or social situation and making useful contributions to it.
Misbehaving children are still trying, in mistaken ways, to gain social status. Dreikurs describes children's
mistaken ways in terms of goals of misbehavior.
Children are usually unaware of their goals or motives, but they are keen observers of situations and
act in ways that work for them. Although their behavior may look illogical to others, it makes sense to
them in that it is consistent with their interpretation of how to find a place in the family. Dreikurs
identifies four goals of children's misbehavior: undue attention, power, revenge, inadequacy. (See
Children's Goals of Misbehavior chart.)
Understanding children's goals of misbehavior is essential in deciding what action to take. Children's
behaviors alone are not helpful in deciding what corrective action to enlist, since parents cannot know for
what purpose (goal) children behave. Parents can understand children's goals by examining their own
feelings and behaviors and their children's response to them. Corrective actions are based on the parents'
understanding of children's goals and are concerned with how parents can manage themselves rather than
making children behave. (See Children's Goals of Misbehavior chart.)
Be responsible for your own behavior and feelings. Parents must accept responsibility for doing what
they can to improve the situation other than making futile attempts to make children behave. Instead of
ruling children, parents can create an atmosphere in which guiding and helping children is possible.

Of course you love your parents thats a given. But at times, maintaining the bond between parent and
adult child can be as challenging as that between parent and teenager.
These days, both of you are confronting new challenges retirement or career changes, health issues,
concerns about the future. Its to be expected these issues will affect your relationship, but as you change,
so, too, must your relationship with your parents change.
Part of that evolution requires forging a new relationship, one between mature adults rather than parent
and child. You already have the basic underpinnings love and shared memories. Add mutual respect
and common interests and you may find a more fulfilling relationship with your mother and your father
than any youve had since childhood.
Of course, some things never change Mom might still offer her unsolicited opinions on your weight
and wardrobe, and Dad might still only start a conversation if it has to do with your car. The key is to love
the best parts of ?them and learn to accept the rest. Here are 14 Stealth Healthy ways to forge an adult
relationship with your parents and enhance what might not always have been the strongest of bonds.
1. Think of them as fellow adults, rather than as your parents. If your parents still treat you like a kid,
despite the fact that you have kids of your own, you may have to help them let you grow up. Feeling
and acting like an adult around your parents is the cornerstone of having an adult relationship with them,
says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist in Long Beach, California, and author of It Ends
With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction and The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before
40. If you treat them as fellow adults, theyre more likely to treat you like one. A simple way to do this
is to ask yourself a question before each interaction with them: How would I act in this situation if Mom
or Dad was a friend or an acquaintance? Then behave accordingly.
2. Talk to your parents as friends. If your parents still treat you like youre 6 or 16, it may feel funny to
give up your role as the child. A good start is to model your conversations with Mom and Dad on those
you have with friends, says Dr. Tessina. Dont limit your conversations strictly to family memories, or
gossip about family members, or your personal life, she advises. Theres a whole wide world out there
why not explore it with Mom and Dad as you would with a friend? Current events, sports, work, local
neighborhood issues, or national politics (if you happen to share the same views) are all fair game.
3. Keep your sense of humor. When youre dealing with your parents, laughter can be a lifesaver both
to help you handle the stress of dealing with sometimes crotchety individuals and to help you bond
together. Tell a few jokes you know theyll enjoy, share some comics from the paper or e-mail with them,
watch the Letterman show together. If you can laugh together, youre doing okay.
4. Tell your parents what bothers you. If you love your mom and dad but they drive you batty, your
resentment can eat away at your relationship. So dont seethe silently. Communicate, with gentleness and
respect. For instance, if your mom keeps calling you at work, tell her that your boss is starting to notice
and, while you love talking to her during the day, its beginning to affect your job performance. Arrange a
call you can both count on at a mutually convenient time.

5. Dont ask your parents advice or opinion unless you really want it. Sometimes, asking for a
parents advice is really a way of asking for Mom or Dads approval. If thats the case, remember that
youre an adult now, perfectly capable of choosing a living room carpet or a car on your own. If your
parents are bent on offering you advice whether asked or not, smile, nod, and take it in (who knows it
may actually be helpful!). Focus on the fact that they have your best interest at heart. Then make your
own choice without guilt.

The Importance of Parent-child Relations in the General Development of Children

Psychologists call the relationship between child and parent attachment. Attachment theory, or the study
of these relationships, has shed light on the importance of the relationships between parent and child as
well as pointed out some of the key steps parents can take to raise their children well. In addition, mothers
and fathers take on different roles in bringing up a well-developed child.
Warmth in Parent-child Relationships
The warmth that parents bring to their childrens lives starts at infancy. Moms and dads of young children
shower their kids with baby-talk and physical touch. These behaviors show the child that others are
sensitive of their needs and that parents can be relied on for emotional responsiveness. As a child grows
older, he finds warmth in the parent-child relationship in other ways, specifically in receiving the
fulfillment of his emotional needs, whether they be play or intimate conversation. Warmth in parenting
can lead to a cooperative child, who is well-developed socially and emotionally.
Promoting Independence
As ironic as it may sound, it is parents who are take the lead in teaching their children not to rely on their
parents. Indeed, much of being a parent is teaching a child to do things for herself, from using the toilet to
driving a car. One important part of this aspect of the parent-child relationship is disciplining children,
which often is a way of keeping children on track in their own initiatives. Setting limits, such as
restricting the amount of television time per day, helps children stay focused on their own responsibilities,
such as finishing homework. Without parents, the growing up phase of childhood would decrease in
speed.
Teaching
From early childhood, the home becomes a school. To parents of older children, this is obvious, as after
dinner the dinner table might become the family study table. However, parents roles in educating young
children start as early as the toddler years. Parents simultaneously educate their children while they
strengthen the parent-child attachment. For example, reading books to your child will strengthen her
linguistic development, playing active games with your child will improve her motor skill development
and finishing puzzles with your child will enhance her cognitive development. Young children -- and even
parents -- might mistakenly believe they are just spending quality time with family when they are actually
developing useful life skills.

The Importance of Mom and Dad

Moms and dads play different roles in the development of a child. The differences can be roughly
summed up in the following way: Moms are protectors and educators; dads are life coaches and
counselors. Moms act as a safe base on which children can rely; they teach their children not to be afraid
of new surroundings. Moreover, as moms tend to spend more time engaging in low-intensity activities,
such as reading and game-playing, with their children, children begin to see mothers as teachers. The
fathers role in a childs development has traditionally been underestimated. According to researchers
Ross Parke and Kevin MacDonaldand, authors of the article Parent-Child Physical Play, which
appeared in the journal Sex Roles, fathers play an integral role in the emotional and social development of
children. Father-child interaction tends to be more intense, and through their shared activities children
learn how to express and control their emotions with their fathers. By working together, mothers and
fathers help their children develop their skills across the spectrum.
Parenting Article 69: Healthy Family Relationships
What makes family relationships happy and healthy? Unfortunately, it doesnt just happen
automatically.

In our busy lives we need to make time for the things that promote family wellbeing. Positive and fun interactions can get squeezed out when we are all on the
run. Most of our time can be taken up working, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and
getting the kids to and from school or day-care. It can all be rather exhausting.
However, what do we really value about our families? These are the people who are
most important to us, closest to us. This is where we learn to relate to others, work
together, get what we want, deal with conflict and emotions. As a family we need,
care and love one another. We can show this through the words, deeds and actions.
ParentLink states on its website that . Healthy families:

Make time for talking and listening

Families where a wide range of feelings are expresses seem to be healthier.
Listening means not only hearing the words but working out what your child
is feeling behind the words.

Show affection, encouragement and appreciation

Children and adults feel good when they are encouraged and appreciated.
Take time to ask what each family member had done each day and show an
interest in each others lives.

Accept differences in each person

Appreciate, encourage and value the differences in each family member.
Allow each person to be excited about their personal interests, and show
respect and tolerance.

Share chores and the power

Use adult power wisely. Keep control through humour and encouragement.
When children have a real say in what happens a very special relationship
with trust and intimacy helps build a healthy family.

Keep in touch with friends and relatives

The more a family is isolated from each other the more chance there is of
having problems. Knowing that there are people outside to turn to when
things get tough will make a difference to your childs happiness.

Make time for family

Plan so there is time to discuss things that affect the whole family. Find some
way to spend time together do things together play cards or games, take
holidays, go on outings or walks, share hobbies.

Commitment
Put the well-being of your family as a first priority. Show loyalty to your family.

Family rituals and traditions

The little special things that you do everyday help build a sense of belonging,
inner security and contentedness. Daily rituals can be how you say goodbye,
what you do at mealtime and bedtime.

Resilience
Strong families are able to withstand setbacks and crises with a positive
attitude, and shared values and beliefs help them cope with challenges.
Take the time to think about your family, are you getting the best from them
and, more importantly are they getting the best from you.