Spicy with

Sustainability
eating locally at brown
Brown University l April 15, 2010 l Volume 10 l Issue 27

Marina Loeb
2 upfront
POST-

the LETTER FROM THE EDITOR CONTENTS

post- Dearest Reader: 03 upfront
staff This week’s letter from the editor is dedicated to Post-‘s former
NO DICE \\ marshall katheder
Editor-in-Chief
Marshall Katheder
Editor-in-Chief, Arthur Matuszewsk and his notoriously esoteric
and impenetrable Letters written during his tenure. I’ve written it 04 feature
as him; we miss you, buddy: SPICY WITH SUSTAINABILITY \\ holly hunt
Executive Editors
Allison Zimmer
Ellen “Scraps “ Cushing
The clickah-clack of the crunching keys: the cacophonous
crackle, slick slinking stream of thoughts through the zippa-zappa
05 arts & culture
electric cords of computers. You read the email, you see see that I
POST- PLAYLIST \\ katie delaney
Managing Editor of Fea- can’t CC. But all the rabble-rousing caused my roasting will turn A HEIGHTENED PITCH \\ john rozehnal
tures and Lifestyle
positive ends—like a twisting vine of thoughts and like the curled
Matthew Klebanoff

Features Editors
ends of a smile.
06 arts & culture
Kate Doyle The current is moving, we’re caught in an technologic riptide. THE SHOW MUST GO ON \\ jen harlan
Fred Milgrim But if cords and waves and tubes connect us all, why can’t we MOVIES BY THE MONTH \\ max godnick
sync like an Orlando-based boy band and govern ourselves. If we
Managing Editor of Arts believe then we can swim like flopping salmon against the cur-
and Culture
Sam Carter
rent, all pink and full of bubbly promise. 07 food & booze
THE WAY WE DO \\ ted lamm and alex logan
You’ve got to participate, syncopate.
Music Editor PORTABLE PROVISIONS \\ remy robert
Katie Delaney
It’s Your Fate,
08 sex
marshall katheder
Theatre Editor
Rachel Lamb COUGARS & CRADLE ROBBERS \\ allie wollner
PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES \\ the hardy brothers

as arthur maserati
Film Editor
Max Godnick

Literary Editor
Ben Schreckinger

Copy Chief
Sarah Forman

Copy Editors
Julia Kantor
Anisha Sekar
Paul Watanabe
Phil Lai

Layout Editors
Madelynn Johnston
Alexandra Linn

Graphics Editor
Katerina Dalavurak

Photo Editor
Kate Doyle

Staff Photographers
Kayla Smith
Nick Sinnott-Armstrong

Web Designer
Eric Stayton

Web Editor
Allison Palm

Publicist
Diana Shifrina

Post- Magazine is pub-

lished every Thursday
in the Brown Daily
Herald. It covers books,
theater, music, film,
food, art, and University
culture around College
Hill. Post- editors can
be contacted at post.
magazine@gmail.
com. Letters are always
welcome, and can be
either e-mailed or sent
to Post- Magazine, 195
Angell Street, Provi-
dence, RI 02906. We
claim the right to edit
letters for style, clarity,
and length.
 TOP TEN
upfront
THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 2010 3
Douchiest Real
Independent Concentrations
1 Psychoacoustics (1995)
6 Ethnobotany (1998)
2 mance and sculpture (1991)
Carving Ideas into Three-Dimensional Space: perfor-
7 administration (2010)
Berge-watching: aviation and the art of university

3 creative writing (1990)

Alienation and the Artist: scandinavian literature and
4 Artistic Interpretation of the Aquatic Environment (1990)
5 Critical Pedagogy Through Kinesthetic Art (2002)
No Dice
losing at brown’s housing lottery
marshall KATHEDER
editor-in-chief
I am not a masochist. But I go the
Housing Lottery early anyway.
I’m sitting in Sayles Hall listening
to loads of loud, nervous chatter. I’m
flanked on both sides by walls of smugly
smirking oil portraits of former Brown
presidents. They’re mocking me. They
know my lottery number is laughable,
my prospects dismal.
I now know that Katherine Bergeron
reads Post- religiously; I know both the
extent of her power and the conviction
of her wrath. As I sweatily sit in a flimsy
plastic chair, I imagine her: festooned
in her crimson velvet robes and cape,
gently nursing a glass of gin and tonic
(she sips, and I know she can taste my
tears), her ruby red lipstick leaving its
gleaming imprint on her fine glassware.
I suppose, as OneRepublic and Timba-
land once astutely and monotonously
sang, that it is too late to apologize.
So, to both Berge and Babe Ruth,
I’m not sorry for all that snarky shit
I wrote. So there! But can I crash on
your couch since you’ve undoubtedly
made sure that I’ll get stuck in Keeney
rooming with a malodorous and vacu-
ous pot dealer who is currently writing a
screenplay titled: I am Clifford. I am the
Big, Red Dog?
Ruff.
There’s something definitely Or-
8 Modern Dance and the Immigrant Experience (2003)
9 Conflict Resolution (1998)
10 Modern Culture and Media (1969)
because their shirts have it plastered in
big block letters on the back of their shirt,
with script running down the sleeves like
they’re a godd*mn cheerleading team).
One member of the staff is some goliath
guy brooding next to the podium and
he’s wearing f*cking sunglasses inside,
and his arms, these two meaty ropes of
muscle, are crossed tightly against his
puffed-out chest. He looks like an extra
from The Fast and the Furious.
“Do not assault the person in front of
you,” he says, only just glazed with irony
as he leans down to the mic. This room
is one Rush song and a broken window
away from a riot. He then resumes men-
acingly standing next to the podium.
Like a boss.
The night dwindles along with the
cheers, the tears, the no-shows, and the
teenybopper girl screeching joyously in
my ear as I watch the room I yearned for
get erased from the enormous screen in
the back of the hall. It’s nice watching my
next year’s sentence to Gradcatraz in full
color. Who needs a drink?
I don’t have a suggestion for how to
hash out housing more fairly. And I know
this is probably some sort of twisted kar-
ma; you don’t write a piece ridiculing the
school president for being overpaid and
overrated and then get to live next to her
in Slater.
So if we’re out one night and I ask you
to take me home, don’t get too excited. It
might not be for sex, but for real estate.
Matt Monh

wellian about the cheery-faced red- Don’t worry though, love. I’ll be the

five
shirted Res-Life staff (and I say “staff” big spoon.
HAMLET
POLER BEARS PRESENT:

1 2
LOVE SHOULDN’T HURT

3
LADY GAGA SHOW Van Wickle Gates l Thur.-Sun.
8pm Salomon 101 l
weekend

Diman Lounge l Fri. 7pm

AS YOU LIKE IT
Fri. 8pm
Thur. & Fri. 8pm, Sat. 3pm & 10pm

4 5
RED HAITI AT A CROSSROADS
POST-

PW l Fri.-Mon. 8pm, Watson Institute l

Sat. 10pm Sat. 9am
4 feature
POST-
Spicy with Sustainability
holly HUNT
contributing writer
You enter the V-Dub, a hungry
college student with a gullet to fill—
either with Caribbean stir-fry or
tuna-spinach salad. You find your-
self wholly unprepared for what
lies ahead: the bread display with
a dessert that sure doesn’t look like
the promised “magic bars” and a
40-foot-long line for something a
little more tasty than whatever they
have at the Ratty. While we students
often search for what tastes best, we
don’t often ask where it comes from,
what is healthier, what improves our
suffering Rhode Island economy,
or what helps the environment. It’s
up for debate exactly what role the
students, food buyers, or producers
must play to make eating at Brown
more sustainable — or whether we
even want to eat more sustainably in
the first place.
Perhaps it’s because we’re com-
placent about food sources (un-
likely), are more concerned with
convenience than conscience (really
unlikely), or have full confidence in
the Brown administration (freakin’
impossible). But with groups like the
Sustainable Food Initiative and Real
Food at Brown looking out for food
sustainability, the food buying and
production processes at Brown are
pretty commendable. According to
our Green Report Card for Food and
Recycling, we have A-grade practic-
es. Our $6 million annual food bud-
get is spent on all sorts of sustainable
food. We look pretty green on paper,
buying apples, peaches, sunflowers,
beets, and much more from local
producers.
But how often do we see lo-
cal applesauce, tomatillos, and bok
choy in our dining halls? The fact is,
we don’t get most of our food from
sustainable or local sources; most of
our local purchases are for specialty
items like arugula and apple butter.
According to Ann Hoffman, Director
of Administration for Brown Din-
ing Services, our top food suppliers
are the national corporations Sysco
(which probably supplies your high
school’s cafeteria) and Performance
Food Group (which also provides
vending machine services), as well
as New England’s own Agar Sup-
ply (which stocks many restaurants
in the Northeast). Our recurring lo-
cal purchases include apples from
Hill Orchards in Johnston, pump-
kins from Barden Family Orchards
in North Scituate, and other veggies
from Mello’s Farm in Rehoboth,
MA.
One of the rationales for buying
local food is that apples from John-
ston should cost less — especially
because it takes only 20 minutes,
and 20 minutes’ worth of gas, to get
apples from the farm to the Dining
Services pantry. However, the math
doesn’t actually work out that way.
Hoffman reports that orders from
local sources cost 10 to 15 percent
more than from national suppliers,
eating locally at brown
and that some items can cost up to 65
percent more. This pattern shows up in
our meal plan prices, which cost hun-
dreds of dollars more than they do at
Cornell. But Cornell earned a B on its
Food and Recycling Report Card, and
such icky, environmentally unfriendly
food must taste horrible, right? Sadly,
according to the college review website
CollegeProwler, food services at Cornell
receive an A+ from current students.
Brown receives a measly B-, more in
line with enormous state schools than
with earthy liberal arts colleges.
Of the 20 schools on the college-
ranking organization Princeton Re-
view’s list of colleges with the best
dining halls, eight also earned an A
in Food and Recycling on their Green
Report Cards. Though the Princeton
Review does not include Brown on its
“Is It Food?” list of 20 schools with the
worst dining services, the Ratty doesn’t
quite make the cut for “Best Campus
Food” either. Shocked and appalled
as you may be, our local zucchini and
organic artisan loaves beat neither the
Cornellian Twinkiefest nor the Boho
Bowdoin buffets
when it comes to
taste. Students
often complain
about our rela-
tively flavorless
food — but to im-
prove, we might
have to sacrifice
money and sus-
tainability.
So does
anyone really like
the food from
Brown’s dining
halls? We found
our answer a few
years ago, when
Dining Services
eliminated the
kitchens’ garbage
disposals in favor
of selling food
scraps to a local pig farmer. The next
time you wonder what they did with
the insides of that stuffed squash, think
of the pig lucky enough to be eating
organic butternut. But what becomes
of excess Cornish pasties and surplus
beets with citrus that go uneaten at the
end of the day? Dining Services do-
nates un-served trays of food to local
shelters and charities.
So maybe there are people who take
advantage of the abundance and nutri-
tional variety of Dining Services food—
and maybe if anyone fails to appreciate
the healthful options at Brown’s dining
halls, it’s us. Gina Guiducci, the ad-
ministrative dietician for Dining Ser-
vices, says the most popular dishes at
Brown are, earthshatteringly, “Chicken
fingers, French fries, bacon, mac and
cheese, vegan chana masala, falafel,
quesadillas, ravioli, and pasta in gen-
eral” – all of them carbohydrates, fat
bombs, or both. Dining Services em-
ployees eat Dining Services food, too.
Hoffman was unsure if a staff-favorite
dish exists or if employees eat more
sensibly than students do. When asked
her favorite dish, Gail McCarthy, pe-
rennial day-brightener and take-out
sentinel said she prefers the Water-
man, an Ivy Room sandwich featuring
turkey, mayo, bacon, and cheese. More
sensible? Maybe not.
At the moment, Dining Services
employees are compiling data on the
origins of each ingredient they serve,
so questions still remain about how lo-
cally we are eating when chowing down
on a double cheeseburger or a cranber-
ry fiesta muffin. Since local purchases
are fruits and veggies, students may
soon see that junk food is bad not just
for their health, but also for the local
economy, workers, animals, or the en-
vironment. Until the data is released,
we can rest assured on Chicken Finger
Friday that our oncoming heart at-
tacks are brought to us from the same
region as a third of our students: the
Mid-Atlantic! All our chicken comes
from Pennsylvania, Maryland, and
Delaware. Just another reason to love
Chicken Finger Friday—it tastes like
home.
Compared to
our batter-fried
favorites, the or-
ganic food in the
dining halls is
even less Rhody
fresh. Dining Ser-
vices places or-
ders for organic
products through
a national organic
supplier (like Sy-
sco, but for natu-
ral wheat germ!)
But perhaps the
starkest contrast
exists between
Brown students
— conscientiously
barefoot, nibbling
vegan brown-
ies for cancer re-
search, lounging on dappled greens
— and the caged hens that produce
our eggs. Brown does not have a policy
for ordering cage-free or free-range
eggs, chicken, meat, or dairy. Those
egg-white omelets are enough to make
any PETA2 sticker-monger shudder
with rage. And while some of the fam-
ily dairies in the Rhody Fresh milk co-
operative, from which Dining Services
buys all its milk products, allow cows
to graze as freely as a vegan at the Ivy
Room, the cooperative does not ap-
pear to have a free-range policy. The
supplier farms are too small to be con-
sidered factory farms, but the animal
well-being and environmental toll is
not necessarily better than it might be
with a national supplier.
Choices remain between local and
ethical, flavorful and sustainable. But
students of all sensibilities can rejoice
in Dining Services’ choice of fisheries:
your cod and crab come from a local,
environmentally-minded fishery. That
is, if you can rejoice in cod. Further
treats come from commendable sourc-
es. We are all familiar with Equal Ex-
change coffee, but we are not all aware
that all of Dining Services’ chocolate
needs are met by Equal Exchange
chocolate—guaranteed organic and
fair trade. It kind of makes that third
magic bar okay.
The most guilt-absolving factoid,
however, is even more behind-the-
scenes. Newport Biodiesel buys hun-
dreds of gallons of our used frying oil
every week. Can you think of a better
reason to enjoy a spicy with? Not only
is the chicken from your home state,
but the boiling goo that makes it and
its companion onion rings so delicious
is now alleviating the American depen-
dence on foreign oil. You could be pre-
venting the next war in Iraq with each
bite!
Hoffman says that Dining Service’s
shift over the last decade to sustain-
able suppliers is a symbolic gesture.
Asked about Dining Services’ motive
for buying local food, Hoffman replied,
“To support local farmers and promote
sustainable agriculture.” This ethos
doesn’t save Dining Services any mon-
ey, but it might be saving a chunk of
Rhode Island’s economy.
And unlike other restaurants Brown
students encounter, Dining Services
isn’t trying to make a big profit. If even
Walmart is going organic, perhaps the
day will come when Dining Services is
able to offer us our grease-fried favor-
ites in local and organic varieties. But
Hoffman reports that such a reality is
unlikely except in the distant, distant
future. “Because of the limited supply
of local products, it isn’t at all realistic
in the short term. And even if it were,
the menu would be very limited, and
the price of meal plans would be sig-
nificantly higher,” she says.
Until then, the burden of respon-
sible eating falls on students. Din-
ing Services continually reviews the
most economical ways to incorporate
sustainable foods, and will soon have
statistics on the sources of ingredients
for particular dishes. After Dining Ser-
vices finishes collecting and analyzing
its data on local consumption and pur-
chasing patterns, students will have a
resource for selecting the most envi-
ronmentally and socially responsible
foods. Perhaps knowing our individual
impact on purchases of sustainable
foods will motivate students to reach
for more local-leaf salad (and fewer
fried conglomerate-cheese sticks). Be-
sides eating in a more informed man-
ner, students also have to reevaluate
our food priorities: Sustainability?
Animal welfare? Healthfulness? Cost?
Beating Cornell? The administration
can only respond to so many compet-
ing pressures at once. As grateful re-
cipients of Ratty food donations have
shown, Brown students have a lot to
be thankful for as it is, including but-
terscotch cookies and potpie. But
wouldn’t you like to be thankful for
more healthy, fresh, ethical, or sus-
tainable foods, too?

Post- Playlist
katie DELANEY
music editor
Welcome back to the third in a
series of playlists, brought to you by
College Hill’s homegrown talent. Post-
asked and they answered: songs they
love, loathe, sing in the shower, draw
inspiration from and even (thanks to
a certain bluegrass quintet) make love
to. This continuing series showcases
their selections.
With their new EP Sea Rock!, Three
Sheets To The Wind commandeers
folk rock. A 5-song collection, Sea
Rock! is maritime themes put to rock
instrumentation—a rousing, energetic
album that will leave you wanting to
raise anchor, hoist the mainsail and
join right in.
Self-described as an “intrepid
group of seven young musicians with
a lust for open water and an itch for a
spin on the yardarm,” Three Sheets has
roots in ARRR!!! (Brown’s buccaneer-
themed a cappella—er, a capirate—
group), where members Harry Aspin-
wall ‘11 and Danny Musher ‘10 met and
began brewing up a new brand of nau-
tical folk rock, inspired by Stan Rogers,
Great Big Sea, Flogging Molly and the
like. After expanding to seven, they put
on their first show in the fall of 2008.
The EP, Sea Rock!, has been almost
a full year in the making; instrumen-
tals were tracked last spring, Aspin-
wall’s vocals this past fall, and pro-
duction just finished earlier this year.
(Sea Rock!’s producer is friend Dylan
Nelson ‘11, featured on an earlier in-
stallment of Post- playlists as a mem-
ber of Pawtucket Mudd.) The album
showcases an impressive range: from
the spirited, pint-cheersing chorus of
“Glory,” to the forlorn fiddle harmonies
and husky, melodic vocals of “Back to
the Sea.”
A Heightened Pitch
soccer as culture at the world cup
john ROZEHNAL
contributing writer
The young genre of “soccer stud-
ies” is a bit of an odd marriage: an aca-
demic approach born in ivory towers
applied to a game so base and populist
you can play it without hands. It at-
tempts to trace the histories, politics,
and identities of nations through their
feet, whether it be American isolation-
ism, German efficiency, the rebellious
artistry of the Dutch Oranje, or the
rhythmic flair of the Brasileros. Hard-
ly a national identity exists that cannot
be found reflected in that country’s re-
lationship with the beautiful game.
Entering the soccer studies fray
most recently are the keen father and
son Steven Stark P’11 and Harrison
Stark ’11, who submit to growing the
canon with World Cup 2010: The In-
dispensable Guide to Soccer and Geo-
politics. It is a refreshingly intelligent
and soft-spoken introduction to the
teams, tactics, personalities, and global
intricacies of the world’s grandest ex-
hibition. The guide provides multiple
layers of soccer knowledge, perspec-
tive, and subtext to those whirlwind
three sheets to the wind
Most recently, Three Sheets played
the Penalty Box for St. Paddy’s day, and
they’re currently planning a farewell
show for commencement, but before
shipping off they sent Post- a playlist:
DANNY MUSHER ‘10 (guitar,
vocals):
“Nantucket Girls Song” — The
Tossers
The first heel-kicking drum beats
launch this tune into full swing, rock-
ing the song from start to finish like the
swaying deck of a brig on a rolling sea.
The Tossers whip up a devil-may-care,
tumultuous instrumentation, perfectly
complementing the song’s message of
independence and freedom. Listen for
the shrill beauty of the penny whistle
and fiddle, which interfinger and swirl
together above the clutter of mandolin
and guitar—this is a combination that
Three Sheets loves to use.
JON CANNON ’08 (fiddle):
“Captain Kidd” — Tempest
“Captain Kidd” recounts the gritty
tale of the famed English pirate-hunt-
er, who was hanged on accusations of
piracy. Tempest fills out the story with
slick virtuosic mandolin/bass unison
lines, and, of course, the epic wail of
rock fiddler Michael Mullen. From the
first notes to the last lyrics (“since the
rope it wasn’t strong - no it failed, no it
failed - and they had to hang me twice
when it failed!”), this song is Sea Rock
at its most glorious.
RHIANNA SHAW ’11 (picco-
lo):
“Tobacco Island” — Flogging Molly
“Tobacco Island” is a dramatic ac-
count of the British invasion of Ireland.
few weeks.
The first third of the book is cautious
but colorful. It succinctly provides an
overview of the tournament as well as a
few short essays on soccer’s global sig-
nificance and the potential for Africa’s
first Cup to function as a coming-out
party for the continent, á la the Beijing
Olympics. It also accounts for the role of
the less obvious factors like geography,
altitude, racism and spiritual interces-
sion in shaping the outcome of the tour-
nament.
Like a good soccer game, the guide
really finds its rhythm about a quarter
of the way through. Group by group and
country by country, the Starks evaluate
each team with a concise but illuminat-
ing report. They assess not only offense,
defense, and management, but also
pedigree and politics, without which we
would never understand why the Dutch
are chronic underachievers, and why
Slovenia will be worth watching but Slo-
vakia might not.
World Cup 2010 is perhaps the ideal
guide for the uninformed (read: Ameri-
THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 2010
The song opens with a classic Flogging
Molly introduction: a bare-bones cho-
rus and snappy tempo that gets the
foot tapping and the heart racing. The
bridge adds a haunting counterpoint
to the experience. If you close your
eyes, you can almost imagine the wind
on your face, the scent of sugar cane,
and the sting of the whip...
ERIC BAIR ’09 (keys, vocals):
“Don’t Stop Believing” — Journey
“Don’t Stop Believing” is a song
written and performed by Journey, a
mid-20th century group named for
their tireless pursuit of the North Star
and the Wheel in the Sky. The lyrics
are powerful, painting a picture of an
often-sordid life where for a smile one
can share the night, yet providing hope
that, even in a lonely world, there is
still a midnight ship going anywhere.
The music itself is a mix of synthesizer
glory, scathing guitar and the plaintive
voice of a generation. This same pas-
sion and uplifting spirit informs all of
my musical performances and the ma-
jority of my dance moves.
JOE MAURER ’10 (accordi-
on):
“The Mary Ellen Carter” — Stan
Rogers
This ballad’s determined, damn-
the-odds story and driving rhythmical
force speak to the power of the human
spirit, a key element of Sea Rock. Stan
Rogers sings with passion, cursing the
capitalist shipowners and lying bas-
tards of the world, vowing to raise his
beloved vessel from the depths at any
cost. This gale of a song reminds you
of the power of hope, optimism, and
determination.
can) viewer. Its clipped pacing and par-
titioned fact-boxes make for a very easy
read for those accustomed to 40 sec-
onds between downs. It is extensively
researched and written with a combina-
tion of humility and wit that just hits the
mark. Most importantly, anyone who
cares can immediately tell that Stark
& Stark are no armchair fullbacks. Af-
ter reading half a page, it’s obvious that
they actually play the game, enjoy it, and
enjoy writing about it. While it may lack
the exhaustive depth of analysis you
might find across the pond, this may
be the first American book about soccer
that lives and breathes the game.
There may be critics who say the
book is irrelevant, or at least a decade
late. They will posit that if power has
moved from the nation-state to the
transnational corporate behemoth,
then surely the Barcelonas and Chel-
seas, conglomerates of the world’s best
players unhindered by borders, are
the executors of the best soccer. If the
World Cup is just an excuse to resurrect
arcane allegiances, how could it possi-
arts & culture
5
HARRY ASPINWALL ’11 (lead
vocals):
“Alasdair Mhic Cholla Ghasda” —
Capercaille
“Alasdair Mhic Cholla Ghasda” is
a Gàidhlig waulking song from the
17th century, performed by world-
renowned band Capercaille, among
many others. Though it celebrates a fa-
mous member of Clan Macdonald, old
adversaries of my own Clan Campbell,
I cannot help but feel righteous battle
lust when I listen to this song. The call
and response elements, coupled with
the drumbeats Capercaille lends it,
evoke Scottish courage and resilience
in the face of a much larger opponent.
Both music and my homeland occupy a
place deep within my heart, and I have
tried to bring this ancient spirit to the
music of Three Sheets.
PHIL KAYE ’10 (percussion):
“It’s Tricky” – Run DMC
Enough said.
Want a copy of Sea Rock!? E-mail
threesheetssearock@gmail.com
bly have anything left to say about the
world? On the other hand, what could
be more appropriate in the Obama age
of re-engagement with the world than
a strong American showing?
To those clamoring for easy an-
swers, you’ll be disappointed. Stark
and Stark refuse to lay out their own
particular assessment of where soccer
imitates life and where the two become
one. On the grand questions of geopol-
itics, as well as to the more direct one
of “who will win?” the Starks allow us
to draw our own conclusions. It’s too
complicated and too uncertain to give
a straight answer, though that won’t
stop the hacks on ESPN from trying.
But a few things are certain. First,
the world’s favorite tournament is
about to break new ground. Second,
the planet will go bonkers for it. Third,
as the dust settles on Johannesburg
on the sixth of July, a winner will be
crowned. If you want to understand
what happens in the meantime and
why it matters, this book is worth your
while.
6 arts & culture
POST-
The Show Must Go On
spending spring weekend on another stage
jen HARLAN
contributing writer
Springtime at Brown. A season of
iced coffee, Frisbee on the Main Green
and Ratty take-out, culminating in the
debauchery-fest known as Spring Week-
end. I arrived as a freshman full of expec-
tations about this quintessential part of
the Brown experience, preparing myself
for an epic marathon of parties, concerts
and sunshine. I did not anticipate spend-
ing the entire weekend indoors, dressed
all in black, holding a fire extinguisher
and imagining the fun my friends were
having without me.
While for the majority of the student
body, real life stops for the duration of
Spring Weekend, the theatre commu-
nity toils on. Last year, I found myself
teching Fracture/Mechanics as a re-
quirement for my freshman acting class.
Most Brown students would never con-
sider scheduling a play during Spring
Weekend. However, this show was a new
work by MFA playwriting student Mal-
lery Avidon, part of the New Works Play
Festival. The Festival featured new plays
written and directed by graduate stu-
dents, the majority of whom were com-
pletely oblivious to the undergraduate
festivities happening just a block away.
I, on the other hand, remained painfully
conscious of what I was missing. Exiting
the theatre after our Friday night per-
formance, I was greeted by the rapid-
Movies of the Month
max GODNICK
film editor
Last week, I detailed the first six
months of the year and the types of
movies that tend to be released dur-
ing those months. We saw favorites
like March, June, and January and the
blockbuster and/or awards contenders
that are usually released at those times.
We also looked at months like February
and March, which generally see lower
box office receipts and worse movies.
Join us this week as we examine
such favorites as August, November,
and December!
July
This is the high water mark of the
summer movie season. By this time,
audiences are primed for and come to
expect the big budget blockbusters that
come out virtually every week.
In July, the week-by-week barrage
of big releases that occurs in June has
generally slowed down. While high
profile releases are still abundant, July
usually has about one or two films that
are able to thrive off of their “big fish in
a small pond” advantage.
Over the past three years the most
successful summer release has come
out in July.
Examples: The Dark Knight, Harry
fire rhymes of Nas pulsing through the
spring air. I couldn’t join in this rite of
passage uniting my fellow freshman to
the rest of the student body, a final step
in our initiation into the Brown commu-
nity. I felt isolated and alone as I soberly
made my way back to Keeney.
I was not the only poor, unfortunate
soul with extracurricular obligations
during Spring Weekend. Musical Fo-
rum’s production of A New Brain also
had rehearsal in anticipation of their
show the following weekend. How-
ever, they refused to let this obligation
stop their fun. Cast members reported
that the majority of the cast showed up
drunk and proceeded to drink more as
the rehearsal progressed, until finally
they were released back into the helter-
skelter world of Spring Weekend.
So what is it that makes this weekend
different from all other weekends? Well,
on all other weekends we Brown students
know how to have fun—we are the happi-
est students in the country, after all. But
the time always comes when we have to
put up our cups and head for the SciLi.
Spring Weekend is an escape, a release
from all rules into a surreal whirlwind of
mayhem, some of which we might even
remember Monday morning.
Other students tend to react with
horror, dismay, and pity when they hear
the sequel
Potter and the Half Blood Prince, In-
ception
August
By August, viewer fatigue and dis-
enchantment usually starts to affect
audiences across the country. A chronic
moviegoer’s summer consists of multi-
ple trips to the movie theater, multiple
conversations about movies, and may-
be just a little bit too much popcorn.
By this point, audiences and crit-
ics hold films up to the highest of
standards, and lots of movies tend to
fall through the cracks. Additionally,
August releases, by virtue of being re-
leased so late in the summer, are sub-
ject to the most hype, and therefore
often disappoint and/or underwhelm
audiences.
However, August usually has some
of the best and most surprising movies
of the summer.
Examples: Julie and Julia, Inglou-
rious Basterds, Pineapple Express
September
As the summer movie season ends
and people go back to work or school,
movies become somewhat of an after-
thought. Gone is the weekly excitement
about my first Spring Weekend experi-
ence. They can’t imagine any responsi-
bility interrupting the late April free-for-
all. But in theatre, as the saying goes,
“the show must go on,” even on Spring
Weekend. Some would say I was mak-
ing sacrifices for my art. I say I didn’t
have a choice. Theatre is a group effort,
an intricate process of putting people
together, breathing life into a text and
nurturing it until it’s ready to face an
audience. You don’t stop feeding your
baby because you have something bet-
ter to do, and you don’t stop rehearsing
surrounding the latest and greatest re-
lease of the week.
September is comparable to its
colder counterpart, February, in terms
of releases. Studios tend to dump some
of their less desirable titles during this
time and the result is less than pretty.
That being said, September is also
the unofficial beginning of the awards
season, and towards the end of the
month, studios begin releasing films
that they hope can go toe to toe with
the awards heavyweights being re-
leased later in the year.
Examples: The Informant!, All
About Steve, The Queen
October
Interest in the film industry tends
to pick up in intensity around October
as awards talk and buzz build around
potential critics’ darlings.
Also, as Halloween approaches,
studios typically release their horror
movie franchises. Not an October goes
by without the latest Saw chapter grac-
ing the silver screen.
Examples: Saw VII, Where the Wild
Things Are, The Departed
November
because it’s Spring Weekend. You know
that when Monday rolls around, you’ll
still be scarily close to opening, with a
lot of work left to do.
This year, as a sophomore full of
foresight, I did not schedule any com-
mitments, theatrical or otherwise, dur-
ing Spring Weekend. As much as I love
theatre, my experience last year was,
let’s face it, lame. I’ve got my tickets, the
weather looks promising, and this year
I plan on being outside, no fire extin-
guishers in sight, having a weekend I’ll
never forget.
Katerina Dalavurak
November is significant in that it
signifies the start of the holiday movie
season. In November, movies about
Santa, elves, holiday grief, mischievous
children, dysfunctional families, and
reindeer tend to start entering theaters
across the country.
Christmas movies released in
November typically elicit confusion
among audience members because,
well, Christmas is not in November.
The awards season wages on.
Examples: A Christmas Carol, Four
Christmases, Slumdog Millionaire
December
If November is full of holiday mov-
ies and awards contenders, then De-
cember is bursting at the seams with
them.
If June is the premier release month
for summer movies, then December is
the same for winter movies. Each Fri-
day brings with it a new film desperate
for awards recognition in the coming
months.
December is also home to the big-
gest holiday releases of the year. Makes
sense. Christmas is in December.
Examples: The Curious Case of Ben-
jamin Button, Avatar, The Holiday

ted LAMM and alex LOGAN
food columnists
People are always, like, coming
up to us and saying “Ohmigod guys,
I like, totes love Food Dudes! I read
it, like, every month. Like, where do
you get your inspiration?” Well, dear
readers, the answer to that question is
arrestingly complex. For those among
you who want to know how the magic
happens, this week we provide you
with a basic guide on how to be more
like us—a week in review of sorts.
Just remember it’s a long, treacher-
ous road, and even if you complete
all of these steps, you’ll only be part
of the way there. The biggest mistake
you can make is to be true to yourself.
Being second-rate food columnists
for a marginal college publication is a
lifestyle you have to commit to fully.
Thursday: Receive first market
share of the season. Pretend you’re
excited to find a use for seven pounds
of root vegetables. Secretly hate your-
self.
Friday: Beat the odds and make a
halfway-decent soup with the major-
Portable Provisions
the art of the picnic
remy ROBERT
staff writer
Finally it’s that time of year when
Brown starts to actually feel colle-
giate again. The sun is out and so are
we — masses of undergrads OD-ing
on Vitamin D as we languish on our
lawn of choice, impressing the tour
groups with our proficient binge
drinking and sociability. As we pre-
pare for our picnics with blankets
and PBR, we’ll need some treats that
require minimal effort. Here’s a list
of things that can be tossed into the
nearest woven wicker basket with
little to no prep work so that you,
too, can partake in the vernal mer-
riment.
Sandwiches: Popular legend
has it that the Earl of Sandwich in-
vented these ingenious parcels be-
cause he needed a lunch that was
as hearty as it was portable. There
are infinite permutations, so pick
up whichever breads, spreads, and
fillings suit your fancy: Black Forest
ham with Brie and caramel mustard;
a smattering of fancy cheeses, sa-
lami, and a baguette; PB&J; turkey
and cheddar; hummus, balsamic,
and veggies; BLT… Get creative!
How We Do
“I couldn’t be flyer in my Topsiders, even if my Topsiders had
wings.”
ity of your market share, but decide that
you don’t want soup and opt for a dinner
of rum and grapefruit juice. Neglect the
soup until it has spoiled.
Saturday: Travel to the J. Crew at
Providence Place with a wish-list that
far exceeds both your wallet and your
capacity for insecurity-induced pastel
wearing. Seriously contemplate going to
Taco Bell, but decide against it. Spend
the entire walk back lamenting the fact
that iced coffee costs more than regular,
even though the only difference is ice.
Bully a friend into giving you half of his
legendary sourdough starter, smuggled
over from Scotland. Realize you have no
idea what to do with it and pray that you
don’t wake up to find it sitting at your
computer, drinking your single malt,
and listening to Miles Davis. Hide your
single malt, and rest assured that your
place in the upper echelons of Brown’s
obnoxious food elite is cemented by
your possession of a sourdough starter.
Sunday: Relieve six months of an-
ticipation by finally executing a long-
running pipe dream to visit Olneyville
Produce: Need I say more? We all
get visceral hankerings for the raw and
vibrant this time of year. Dig into an
avocado or a kiwi with a spoon or pick
up some clementines, a picnictimepic-
nic time staple; it’s easy to find them
in bags of about 20. Eat berries alone
or dip them into Greek yogurt and
honey. Or, should you be so lucky as
to obtain the perfect peach, bite into it
and don’t look back. And then tell me
where you got that thing of beauty.
Fanciful salads: Toss predis-
positions to Caesar and ranch to the
wind, for this is neither the time nor
place. Go classic by tossing sliced
cherry tomatoes with bocconcini moz-
zarella, fresh basil, and a bit of bal-
samic + olive oil. Dress raw kale with
lemon juice and olive oil, then mix in
pine nuts and Parmesan. If you’re into
hitting salty and sweet in one go, stir
together watermelon, feta, and mint
sprigs, then drizzle with olive oil and
red wine vinegar.
Gazpacho: This chilled summer
soup is as refreshing as you can imag-
ine. Dice fresh veggies (tomatoes, cu-
cumber, zucchini, red onion, celery,
THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 2010
-NSR
New York System Wieners. Take the
convoluted and treacherous road to the
North Providence location. Feign en-
joyment as you take down two flimsy
and utterly plain hot dogs covered in
mashed cardboard masquerading as
special beef sauce. Do everything you
can not to laugh at the hostile-robot
service and orthodontist’s office-meets-
Quiznos vibe. Be highly disappointed
but not very surprised. Ride back home
in uncomfortable silence, purge, and ex-
foliate.
Monday: Sit in front of a computer
in an earnest attempt to get work done.
Black-in 40 minutes later with fourteen
different Lionel Messi highlight videos
playing in loop and a glass of flat selt-
zer between your legs. Check the stand-
ings of La Liga, even though you know
they haven’t changed since yesterday.
Acquiescing to your fate, proceed on to
Red Sox and Celtics recaps. Consider
whether your good fortune to live in the
time of Roger Federer, Albert Pujols,
and Messi is evidence of a benevolent
higher power. Think about times when
garlic) and toss half of this blend into a
food processor (fuill disclosure: I once
made this with a blender and my world
did not skid to a halt). You can toss in
some red wine vinegar, olive oil, salt,
and Tabasco, but that’s as complex as
it needs to get. Once the vegetables are
chopped but not pulverized, stir in the
rest and chill. This is best when made
ahead, but recruit people to help you
chop and then bust out your finished
product the next day.
Lemonade: Little-known fact:
the word “lemonade” is actually just
another word for “picnic,” kind of
like Aphrodite is another way of say-
ing Venus. There’s no reason not to go
all out here. For plain fresh-squeezed
lemonade, make a simple syrup with
water and sugar, then add in lemon
juice to taste. Fancify with any of the
following: sprigs of rosemary; a wee
bit of lavender; juice from smashed
berries; spearmint tea; blood orange
juice; vodka; gin… Go wild.
Sangria… does not equal Fran-
zia. Pour a bottle of wine into a pitch-
er plus a heaping of whatever fruit
you desire. Oranges, lemons, apples,
food & booze
7
you can talk about writing your col-
umn.
Tuesday: Check New York Times
online Dining & Wine section for any-
thing new by Mark Bittman, Melissa
Clark, or Sam Sifton. Watch all videos
three times, transcribe and email all
recipes to friends and family. Marvel
at Clark’s glory and bemoan Bittman’s
infuriatingly incorrect proportions.
Entertain the idea that if you had gone
to college with Sifton you would have
been friends with him, and that if you
had gone to middle school with Frank
Bruni you would have beaten him up.
Cook nothing.
Wednesday: Receive a cutely-
phrased email asking where your col-
umn is; frantically trade Google docs
with your co-writer in an effort to
produce something passable. Failing
that, opt instead for a poorly-strung-
together series of Boston sports ref-
erences, elitist jargon, and alcohol
jokes.
That’s how we do it.
limes, and peaches are all good bets,
but there’s a lot of wiggle room here.
The only other things you need are
a bit of sweetener (sugar and honey
both work) and ice to keep it chilly.
The next thing you have to de-
cide, after buying groceries, is
where to set up camp. Everybody
has her favorite place to lie in the
sun so I won’t dare prescribe yours,
but if you’re getting a little antsy on
your usual patch of grass, you can
do something as simple as switch-
ing from Lincoln Field to the Quiet
Green (different people, different
sunlight, just a skip away) or you can
take more drastic measures. There’s
a quiet, bamboo-lined lawn behind
Watson, or venture off the hill to
Prospect or India Point Parks. You
could also happen upon the verdant
little pocket wonderland behind the
MCM building (complete with a
trellis!). I’ve heard fairies live there.
No matter where you go, you’re in
luck; you need little more than day-
light and a nice wedge of Gouda to
get your kicks. Just don’t forget the
lemonade.
8 sex
POST-
Sexpertise
Dear fellow travelers in pursuit of
sexual (inter)action,
Can you believe it? We have only
a few more weeks of the year left! Be-
fore we know it, those of us who are
graduating this year will be immersed
in a world where most people cannot
recite the lyrics to “Tik Tok” on com-
mand. Kiddos, the dating pool is about
to get way larger, deeper — and more
generationally diverse. This week’s
column is also yet another shout-out
to all the seniors knee-deep, waist-
deep, and neck-deep in the pursuit
of last-minute sexual partners. Wait,
what discussion are we having? The
one about Coyotes and Twinks, Cou-
gars and Boy Toys, MILFs and DILFs,
Jailbait, Lolitas, and Silver Foxes, of
course. There are so many terms to
describe partnerships dramatic in
their contrast between old and young
that I can’t resist writing about the im-
plications of dating, or just f*cking, far
outside one’s age bracket.
Within the confines of the Brown
Bubble, the age difference resembles
an April-August gap more than a
May-December disparity. Even in
a population where the age bracket
skews drastically young, the same age-
related issues found in affairs featur-
ing drastic age differences exist here.
The thrill of disparity offers too much
seductive potential to resist. However,
beware: the things that make sex and
Pretty Girls Make Graves
the hardy BROTHERS
sexperts
Dear Hardy Brothers,
I’ve been casually hooking up
with this boy (lots of heavy making
out, but no sex yet) and recently de-
cided I want to put a stop to it before
it goes there. The problem is we’re
not dating, we’ve made no commit-
ments to each other, and we’ve never
discussed our “relationship” before,
if you could even call it that. I’m
worried that starting a conversation
about ending it will be presumptuous
and make our hookups into a bigger
deal than they actually were.
How do I end a thing that’s not a
thing before it’s even started?
With My Everlasting Love for
You Boys,
I Started Something I Couldn’t
Finish
Frank: Hmm, the age-old onto-
logical problem:. Which comes first:
the word or the thing? In other words,
how do you end something you feel
remorseless about since, by virtue of
nothing being at stake in the relation-
ship for either of you, it isn’t actually
a thing, but the very desire to end it
suggests that there is in fact some-
thing between you, thereby making it
a thing after all?
cougars & cradle robbers
allie WOLLNER
sexpert
romance with someone older or younger
so tempting are the same things that
make it risky and potentially distress-
ing.
The implications of inter-generation-
al attraction have been captured in its
myriad forms—brazen Lolita and infatu-
ated Humbert, rapacious Mrs. Robinson
and stunned Ben Braddock, smitten Max
Fischer and practical Rosemary Cross,
love-struck Harold and world-weary
Maude, innocent Sarah and the preda-
tory Goblin King (really David Bowie
in marvelously high-waisted leggings).
These excellent works of fiction have not
only immortalized such interactions;
they’ve also romanticized them.
Sure there are problems in such situ-
ations — sex with an 80-year-old will
undoubtedly call for some additional
lubricant, and f*cking your fiancée’s
mother might make things unnecessar-
ily complicated. But doesn’t it look fun?
Don’t you want to at least try it? What
these films don’t really spend time on is
the key: in May-December scenarios, as
in any sexual situation, there are some
things you should look out for.
Power imbalances present the larg-
est problem here. In the heat of the
moment, more often than not, this im-
balance means someone gets taken ad-
vantage of. Words are exchanged (or
not), tears ensue, and what once seemed
like a hilarious exploit quickly becomes
a choice to regret. The heart of the prob-
If the critical theory behind the situ-
ation weren’t complicated enough, you
also have to deal with the anxiety that
your non-relationship might have been
even less of a big deal to the boy. If you
try to break things off, he might scoff at
you for regarding whatever might have
been between you as a “thing.” Or your
romantico-sexual whatever could have
been more of a big deal to him, and you
could be breaking off what he thinks is
the start of a real relationship.
So, what’s a girl to do? Being the
debonair little devil that I am, I too have
encountered this problem my fair share
of times. For me, it always seemed like
an easy choice: say nothing, downplay
the whole thing, cover your ass, and
stay in a position where you can plausi-
bly deny everything. Or, spill your guts
out in an awkward, stilted, stultifying
and embarrassingly apologetic self-jus-
tification for wanting to be a player.
But, as I grow older and into a great-
er sense of responsibility for my mess
of a self, I’ve had a change of heart.
While most of the people I’ve cut loose
through silence have been perfectly
fine, there are probably a handful of
them who would rather have gotten a
fair account of what was up.
So there you have it, I.S.S.I.C.F. I
suggest you swallow your pride and tell
it to him straight. At worst, he proves
himself an asshole or in need of a sec-
lem comes down to pitting the sex appeal
of youth against the alleged superiority
of lived experience. It’s the PYT versus
the Seasoned Sage. In their own way,
both parties feel threatened in this situ-
ation. The PYT feels young and defense-
less. The Sage feels old and outmoded.
To level the playing field, each uses what
they’ve got to mount their defenses—a
hot body versus a veteran outlook. Keep
in mind that neither side has the stron-
ger arsenal; it’s anyone’s game. One pair
might feature an awestruck and impres-
sionable younger partner, another a be-
sotted elder. Either way, one partner can
take this inequity as the green light to
use, abuse, or otherwise mistreat his or
her differently aged partner.
Bridging the generational gap in a
way that fulfills anything beyond the de-
sire for a thrill is no walk in the park. But
if the thrill is all you’re after and both of
you know it, then the situation can work
out quite nicely — the Sage gets to han-
dle the PYT’s nubile form, and the PYT
benefits from the expertise of a Sage
who’s been around the block a few times
already. Both parties get their own set of
bragging rights. In this case, everybody
wins.
In my mind, there are no two ways
about a tryst like this — you should ab-
solutely try it; adventures in the realm of
May and December make for good mem-
ories. But before you rush off to proposi-
tion the masters candidate acting as your
ond mother (both of which aren’t your
problem), and at best he isn’t left won-
dering, “What if?”
Tell it like it is: “I wouldn’t waste
time dreaming about me…” and sign
out of that G-chat like the motherf*cker
that you are.
JOE: Since Frank smoked nearly
every theoretical issue like a beekeeper,
I’d like to close by way of an anecdote.
Here’s what can happen if your casual
hook up buddy thinks things are more
than they are — and you end it like an
idiot, as I did:
Flashback to freshman year. I had
a distant crush — one of those people
you see around and occasionally dream
about. A mutual friend introduced us,
and a few nights later we made out on
the dance floor at a party. We kissed a
few more times, but things never got
past first base. She was beautiful and an
awesome person, but there was a clear
disparity in experiences that made us
incompatible.
She wanted to “talk” about things,
which I assumed meant that she want-
ed to cut me loose. I agreed to the date
set, but then spent the next few nights
swamped with work in the SciLi. When
the tidal wave of work subsided, I re-
turned to my room to find my room-
mate smoking with all our friends.
“Smoke and go to the Gate?” Of course,
Econ TA, or the hottie holding lecture
on the Modern Middle East, here are
some tips on how to avoid problems
and prevent bruised egos.
Don’t succumb to the temptation
to make power plays. It’s inauthentic
and in poor form. It will also probably
sour any fun you may already be hav-
ing. Next, don’t dive deep. Honor the
liaison for what it most likely is—fod-
der for a good story. However, if you do
decide to make more than a night of it,
clearly communicate to your partner
where you are in your life. Make an
effort to find out where your partner
is in theirs. Reconciling the wants and
needs of May and December can pose
quite a challenge. But that’s not to say
it can’t be done. Look at Catherine
Zeta and Michael Douglas, Ashton
and Demi. They’re happy, right?
And before I go, here’s the last and
most important piece of advice I have:
don’t assume that because you’re
young and hot you can get whatever
you want. Don’t assume that because
you are mature and experienced you
can get whatever you want. See where
I’m going with this? Your assets can
help, but they’re no guarantee. Preco-
cious Bruonians who think the world
is their oyster, convinced that youthful
vivacity brings all elders to their knees,
and seniors who feel entitled to cherry
pick the plaything of their choice from
the class of 2013—I’m talkin’ to you.
I replied.
I’m high and headed out the door
when I feel my phone vibrating in my
pocket. My “hello?” is met with a sug-
gested, “it’s the day to talk,” followed
by an abrupt, “I’m in your building
walking up to your room.”
The ensuing scene: A smoke filled
room and the two of us sitting awk-
wardly far apart on my bed. Her:
“So… what do you think?” Me: “Um…
So I’m just not sure I think that things
are going to work out.” Her: “Oh… so
that’s it.” She looks genuinely upset
and it occurs to me that it’s not just
the half-baked circumstances. I’ve
misread the purpose of the “talk,” but
it’s too late. Me: “Yeah, I guess…” We
sat in silence for a minute, and then
she left.
The moral of the story is that say-
ing “I don’t want to kiss anymore, I
just want to be friends” doesn’t make
you a presumptuous asshole. But say-
ing it high makes you a stoned asshole.
Have the conversation, then shoot us
another email to come and celebrate.
Between your freedom from the non-
relationship and this Hardy Brother’s
transition into a third decade of life
and sex on Sunday, there’ll be plenty
of reason to rejoice.
---xoxo The Hardy Brothers