Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Q:
The
identity
of
the
speaker?
Ikas
soul,
some
spirit
or
the
Source?
A:
It
doesnt
matter,
even
if
it
was
Lucifer,
it
would
be
only
in
agreement
with
the
communicated
concepts.
This
book
should
transfer
neutrality
from
shamanism
and
anchor
it
into
the
main
spiritual
awareness.
A:
Disclaimer:
Ika
has
not
seen
the
Yeti
and
asked
the
spirit
of
Yeti
never
to
show
itself
to
her.
Transcribed
by
Ika
from
a
set
of
five
notebooks
(other
than
numbering
of
the
notebooks,
the
pages
are
not
in
order,
or
more
precisely,
Ika
has
written
various
streams
of
thoughts
in
various
parts
of
the
notebooks
as
she
continued
her
enquiry).
Q:
I
cant
try
to
remember
what
was
first,
second
etc.
ENQUIRY
NOTEBOOK
1
Attributes
are
just
that
attributes
Try
this
exercise:
See
a
person
Choose
a
noun
Mother
mentally
strip
off
all
the
adjectives
that
come
with
it
in
your
mind
A
noun
is
a
substance-
is.
Try
approaching
your
mother
as
if
she
was
stripped
off
all
your
defining
adjectives/experiences.
See
her
as
a
noun
that
is.
The
men
in
my
vision
represent
EVIL
(as
I
used
to
see
it).
After
re-grown
from
the
heart,
I
run
toward
the
evil
and
embrace
one
man
one
of
the
crowd
as
good/bad
as
any
other.
He
is
without
face=without
attributes.
Love
him
as
a
NOUN
without
attributes.
I
can
hold/embrace/kiss
the
substance/essence
without
attributes.
My
own
life
story
is
following
the
outward
rule
of
right
and
wrong.
Perceiving
and
having
those
judgments
caused
all
the
pain
of
the
past.
Letting
go
of
being
dedicated
to
Jesus,
not
preferring
Light
is
just
pulling
down
another
layer
of
own
(unfinished)
Christian
rules
are
not
compatible
with
the
concept
of
multiple
incarnations.
If
not
only
physical
families
but
also
certain
roles
are
chosen
by
the
soul
in
the
current
incarnation,
then
the
incarnate
is
again
to
be
loved
for
carrying
this
purpose.
(sitting
in
the
train
and
looking
at
21:21,
thinking
of
how
I
woke
up
22:22,
will
run
out
by
23:23
I
guess)
Love
your
fathers
alcoholism.
What??
For
him
carrying
this
heavy
condition
and
showing
it
doesnt
lead
to
inner
joy
or
towards
growth.
Q:
Why
do
I
need
help?
A:
Everyone/thing
is
helping
everyone/thing
(else)
to
become
in
the
process
of
becoming.
Q:
I
dont
want
to
talk
with
the
guy/shaman.
I
dont
want
to
talk
horizontally,
just
vertically
with
the
Source.
A:
There
is
no
way
how
a
point
in
the
middle
of
everything/one
(and
everything
and
everyone
is
that
point,
the
center
of
the
universe)
will
choose
to
be
more
connected
in
one
direction
only
that
too
is
an
illusion.
Once
you
accept
yours
and
everything/ones
darkest
and
lightest
side
You
can
be
in
the
middle
Becoming
a
loving
principle
Loving
everything
that
is
If
you
love
everything
from
your
own
space
-
you
are
UNintrusive,
you
are
not
actively
trying
TO
CHANGE
what
is
Q:
So
we
should
just
observe
the
low
frequencies/vibrations?
No
service?
No
work
for
the
good?
A:
This
is
the
crucial
question.
Wait
for
the
answer.
You
Ika
now
and
here
work
in
the
direction
you
are
driven
to.
There
is
no
authority
in
the
physical
universe
other
than
your
soul.
(end
of
dictation)
wife
God
Apple
(and
snake)
Adam
+
Eve
wound
pain
new
flesh/knowledge
I
have
been
or
will
be
at
each
corner
of
(each)
triangle
I
now
REMEMBER
what
it
was
like
being
on
those
two
sides
opposing
me
now
imperfection
There
is
no
loving
principle
WITHOUT
imperfection.
Take
as
much
time
as
you
need.
If
it
is
a
lifetime,
take
it.
(end
of
dictation)
A:
This
is
not
an/your
ego
driven
book.
We
will
finish
it
in
two
goes.
Q:
Here
I
sense
the
meaning
being
after
acquiring
another
round
of
life
experience?
A:
Yes.
A:
You
will
know
what
to
do
at
every
moment.
Q:
(On
my
secret
worry
that
we
might
loose
momentum
and
just
leave
it
hanging.)
A:
Drink
water,
no
coffee.
Coffee
blocks
dictation.
This
is
no
Jane
Roberts/Seth
interaction.
You
cannot
just
hand
this
one
over
as
written
by
another
entity.
You
must
be
one
with
the
content
and
live
it.
Jane/Seth
not
owning
your
writing
is
a
matter
of
old
times.
Expand
that
heart.
You
already
are
one
of
them
a
cheater,
an
alcoholic,
etc.
Attachment
to
the
Light
Is
not
synonymous
to
Loving
Its
an
inability
to
expand
your
heart
to
embrace
the
entire
universe.
The
universe
that
doesnt
make
it
into
your
heart
is
exactly
there
outside,
IN
CONFLICT
Q:
Can
I
manifest
enlightenment
for
another?
A:
You
can
manifest
situations
leading
to
the
person
listening
more
closely
to
his/her
soul.
You
can
help
UNCOVER
THE
SOUL
TO
ITS
CARRIER.
The
soul
drives
its
own
evolution,
is
ever-evolving.
Q:
(here
there
was
a
glimpse
of
information
that
the
evolution
is
NOT
from
the
old
bad
to
the
old
good
and
that
Lucifer
was
a
very
evolved
soul
this
ended
with
me
being
extremely
uncomfortable
and
with
the
information
on
the
previous
page
that
there
are
two
rounds
for
these
dictations,
as
I
am
not
yet
ready/resisting
a
portion)
Definition
of
ATTRIBUTE
ALL
INCLUSIVE
MEDITATION
My
heart
expands
today
to
embrace:
My
fathers
alcoholism
My
unfulfilled
sexual
desires
My
bosss
micromanagement
My
physical
pain
and
cold
Terrorists
ok,
here
I
see
the
limit
of
my
heart
today,
as
yet
it
cannot
include
terrorists
I
will
grow
my
heart
by
loving
what
I
can
today
easily
and
effortlessly
and
remembering
E.g.
if
a
memory
of
me
being
the
essence
of
a
terrorist
will
surface,
then
my
heart
might
expand
that
extra
length
ACTING
FROM
THE
POSITION
OF
ONE
OF
THEM
One
of
them
This
is
an
exact
opposite
of
the
charitable
service
(performed
by
people
attached
to
Light)
It
is
a
different
vibration
and
the
consequences
are
different
Giving
money
as
Empowerment:
I
am
one
of
you
and
what
is
mine
is
therefore
yours
(or
this
resource
is
our
natural
privilege),
you
owe
me
nothing.
Dis-empowerment:
Everything
you
own
I
have
given
you,
you
owe
me
everything.
AA
I
am
an
alcoholic
and
working
for
other
alcoholics
keeps
me
sober.
They
seek
my
help
as
they
know
I
am
helped
at
the
same
time,
by
the
same
action
and
therefore
they
owe
me
nothing.
EMPOWERMENT
In
reverse
You
on
Earth
have
fully
developed
a
Loving
principle
towards
your
children
or
a
child
toward
a
parent
(in
most
cases)
(How
could
I
NOT
LOVE
and
do
everything
for?
What
would
be
the
point
of
existence/
loss
of
meaning
if
this
Loving
is
blocked
or
lost.)
As
you
apply
the
Loving
principle
to
only
such
narrow
part
of
the
universe,
there
is
a
great
potential
of
perceived
threat
that
comes
from
the
excluded
part
of
the
universe
(FORCES,
SPIRITs,
yes
haha)
that
can
interfere
with
your
Loving
principle
towards
your
included
part
of
the
universe.
As
you
extend
the
Loving
principle
from
your
family
etc.
onto
a
much
larger
circle,
universe,
so
does
the
threat
decrease.
WHO
BENEFITS?
Killing
a
son
- separation
of
self
from
the
universe
The
low
vibration
actions:
Acts
against
the
Loving
principle
Will
lead
to
the
separation
CYCLE
OF
SEPARATION
What?
You
are
endangering
our
women
and
children!
So
we
will
identify
so
much
more
with
our
own
group
Only
be
becoming
one
with
the
universe
(by
remembering)
can
you
UN-CHOOSE
a
side
and
always
be
a
Loving
principle
The
force
holding
the
universe
together
is
the
act
of
loving
Act
of
loving
is
equal
to
unifying
Light-lovers
are
creators
of
separation
(that
is
a
bit
harsh,
correction)
ON
EVOLUTION
Evolution
doesnt
proceed
from
bad
to
good
but
from
separation
to
utter
expansion/unification
(in
Loving)
Unity
ONEness
is
not
an
achieved
state,
it
is
becoming
through
the
Loving
principle
Q:
How
are
the
BAD
ACTS
not
being
repeated?
A:
Souls
(sentient
beings)
test
that
certain
actions
lead
to
more
separation
(from
the
universe,
or
your
universe
at
that
particular
time)
Therefore
killing
a
person
is
an
act
that
a
soul
might
not
repeat
(unless
this
is
chosenlater
discussed)
-
as
this
in
your
environment
will
lead
to
very
obvious
physical
separation
(prison)
and
mental/emotional
separation
from
society,
family,
friends
even
for
a
person
who
is
not
in
touch
with
his/her
soul
(and
dulls
the
pain
of
separation)
SOULS
ARE
NOT
GOOD
The
idea
that
every
person
(however
evil)
has
a
divine
soul
is
a
continuation
of
the
separation
concept
DIVINE
YES
NOT
GOOD
NOT
LIGHT
DIVINE
was
the
correct
word
here
Ika
each
person
has
a
divine
soul
The
divinity
doesnt
mean
it
is
the
light
in
the
darkness
of
personality
and
flesh.
It
means
it
is
the
LOVING
PRINCIPLE
carrying,
UNIFYING
element
in
physical.
SOULS
are
definitely
not
pure.
Purity
implies
separation.
LUCIFER
When
low
vibration
actions
lead
to
separation,
it
is
very
difficult
for
the
soul
to
hold
these
actions
Souls
move
from
separation
to
unification,
from
own
lower
vibrations
to
accumulating
higher
vibrations
Holding
low
vibrations
and
receiving
freely
low
vibrations
is
the
highest
service
to
the
universe
It
is
only
when
you
master
applying
Loving
principle
so
much
that
you
can
tolerate
wrong
word!!
LOVE
the
low
vibrations
WITHIN
YOU
(it
is
still
much
easier
to
love
low
vibration
in
others
as
it
is
to
truly
love
them
in
yourself)
Q:
Ok,
I
am
sort
of
resisting
this.
Tell
me
about
what
Lucifer
has
done.
A:
Embodied
took
within
him
self
the
least
unified
aspects
of
the
universe,
to
carry
them
and
love
them
Q:
And
so
the
high
vibratory
Light
can
shine
in
comparison.
A:
As
the
shaman
correctly
said:
You
wont
say
I
love
the
sopranos
but
I
hate
the
bases.
But
bases
are
more
difficult
to
carry
and
apply
Loving
principle
towards,
especially
within
one-self.
(Carrying
EVIL
is
a
choice,
the
bravest
one.)
Q:
I
still
dont
understand,
cant.
A:
Lets
return
to
this
later
on.
DALAI
LAMA
and
thought
forms
Q:
What
about
Dalai
Lama?
He
is
given
often
by
many
as
an
example
of
a
person
living
in
I
AM
state.
Does
he
love
evil?
A:
Yes,
he
does.
But
the
change
of
perspective
must
first
happen
globally
at
the
level
of
the
thought
form.
It
is
not
for
the
political
leaders
of
the
current
world
to
explicitly
embrace
old
bad
-
that
wouldnt
be
understood.
This
is
a
realization
that
must
come
from
within
and
anchor
as
a
new
awareness.
That
will
be
followed
by
NON-CONFLICT
of
various
aspects
of
manifested
SOURCE
(dark
and
light)
in
physical.
Imagine
it
as
an
internal
revolution.
Not
REVOLUTION
but
RESOLUTION?
within
the
individual
self
A
self
that
applies
Loving
principle
to
all
its
aspects
and
is
in
a
state
of
NON-
CONFLICT
(I
AM)
cannot
be
drawn
to
a
conflict
in
physical.
A
self
that
applies
Loving
principle
to
its
own
dark
aspects
must
simultaneously
see
and
accept
these
dark
aspects
(in
essence)
in
others.
This
is
a
revolutionary
concept
for
an
individual
mentioned
in
holy
books
E.g.
Return
of
Jesus
as
the
return
of
the
Loving
principle
of
UNCONDITIONAL,
ALL-INCLUSIVE
love
within
leads
to
the
kingdom
of
heaven
raised
vibration
of
the
planet
RAISING
THE
VIBRATION
Q:
Much
has
been
said
about
raising
the
vibration
of
the
planet.
So
if
we
are
not
eliminating
or
uplifting
the
low
vibrations,
then
how
is
this
happening?
A:
By
the
act
of
Loving
them.
Loving
everything,
loving
the
dark,
grey,
white
and
light.
The
vibration
of
Loving
is
so
much
higher,
that
by
simply
loving
what
IS
(rather
than
wanting
to
alter
its
proportions
or
flow)
the
entire
planet
will
levitate.
That
is
how
you
could
come
into
contact.
That
you
are
still
a
punk,
even
more
morally
unacceptable
deeds
added
recently,
but
you
are
so
good
at
loving
even
the
mutant
pony
who
is
not
very
interested,
even
the
boy
who
refused
you
lost-count
how
many
times,
even
the
lack
of
data
in
your
work,
you
love
the
disabled,
love
the
poor,
and
now
you
love
yourself.
You
met
your
shadow
in
that
lucid
dream
and
chose
to
embrace
it
(and
it
kissed
you,
right?).
You
look
at
the
mirror
and
think:
You
are
as
you
are
the
most
beautiful
creature
in
the
universe
and
that
is
knowing
all
your
unacceptable
thoughts,
deeds,
desires,
past,
everything.
Within
yourself
you
have
accomplished
the
task
of
the
universe:
loving
each
and
every
aspect
manifested
and
therefore
creating
UNION.
HE
IS
ALREADY
WITHIN
YOU
Q:
I
had
this
thought
that
as
it
all
seems
so
very
shamanic
and
darkness
embracing,
perhaps
I
am
channeling
D
(shaman
that
initiated
me).
A:
No
way.
(At
this
point,
at
least
Ika
has
given
up
her
fear
of
multiple
personality
disorders
and
her
doubts
have
re-focused
on
tapping
Common
pool
of
thoughts/collective
unconscious
Souls
of
others
Uncanny
spirits)
Q:
So
D
is
separate.
A:
You
wish
(laugh).
Not
separate,
he
is
already
within
you
and
you
are
within
him.
As
E
(Ikas
very
important
romantic
interest)
is
within
you
and
you
are
within
him.
But
there
are
no
soul
mates.
They
are
ALL
within
you
and
you
are
within
them
ALL.
Some
of
them
(also
some
animals,
other
souls)
you
remember
more
easily.
But
they
can
-
EVERYTHING
can
-
be
remembered
and
found
within
you.
Q:
This
relates
to
the
point
in
the
middle
meditation.
As
everyone
and
everything
is
in
the
center
of
the
universe?
(I
am
getting
clever.)
A:
Yes
and
no.
Q:
Yes
and
no?
A:
Yes
to
the
center
and
no
to
you
getting
clever.
Q:
I
see.
A:
Everyone/thing
is
the
center
but
also
connected
in
all
directions.
There
are
no
past
lives.
Everything
can
be
experienced
at
any
moment
and
you
can
remember/recognize
everyone.
Q:
What
about
the
future
then?
The
precognition
versus
the
free
will.
Shouldnt
I
be
able
to
see
all
events
at
any
point
at
any
moment
similarly
as
the
past?
A:
There
is
no
one
line
of
events.
Lets
return
to
this
later.
(When
you
are
cleverer.)
Q:
Thank
you
kindly.
I
am
loving
that
too.
CHAPTER
ON
ESSENCE
Here
reveal
your
shadow
Q:
Here
I
conveniently
remembered
how
with
A
we
called
on
our
doorkeeper
to
protect
us
against
everything
that
is
not
for
our
highest
good,
and
also
on
our
guardian
angel
and
spirit
guide.
In
that
meditation
we
had
a
column
of
white
light
passing
through
us
taking
everything
that
was
not
for
our
highest
good,
or
what
we
did
not
need
anymore
(negative
energies)
and
we
asked
our
spirit
guides
to
take
it
away.
I
had
a
thought
that
no
spirit
guide
will
take
away
my
shadow
(and
that
doing
so
wouldnt
even
be
for
my
highest
good)
because
its
the
key
to
my
life
experience.
A:
Shadow
-
the
essence
of
all
dark
aspects
in
your
environment
Q:
A
is
a
great
person.
A:
Label.
A
is.
Q:
I
love
her
(rebelliously)
A:
Thats
my
girl.
The
sequence
of
events
for
this
notebook:
Previous
week
Picked
up
a
book
on
spiritual
telepathy
Shamanic
journeying
Dictation
(what
I
have
read
before:
Spiritual
growth
by
Orin
and
still
reading
very
slowly
Nature
of
Personal
Reality
by
Jane/Seth)
Q:
Shouldnt
I
get
helped
being
in
these
receptive
states?
(like
energy
work
healing)
A:
No,
we
co-operate
together.
Your
intention
fine-tunes
my
reception.
Q:
What
about
ulcerating
my
colon?
A:
You
will
know
you
are
opening/circulating
your
second
chakra
properly
when
you
see
those
orange
stones
while
grounding.
(Ika
sees
all
colors
of
7
centers
but
not
orange
ever).
Q:
Why
I
never
had
any
pain
on
5?
(as
opposed
to
every
other
chakra)
A:
That
you
had
beautifully
opened/developed,
that
is
why
it
is
such
a
pleasure
to
transfer
meaning
to
you.
Q:
Thank
you.
(laughing)
A:
Welcome.
Q:
Most
thought
scenarios
(the
sensing
of
what
might
happen)
involving
my
son
(and
my
father),
why
are
they
necessary?
A:
Your
last
attachments
(in
physical).
But
you
accepted
loss
of
most:
Work
success
Classic
family
Reputation
(at
certain
periods
of
time
in
your
own
structure
of
reality)
Health
Sexiness
(who
is
smelly,
cannot
be
very
sexy,
out
of
control)
Romantic
interests
you
liked
Autonomy
at
work
Q:
How
can
I
stop
ulcerating
my
colon?
A:
Closing
your
second
chakra
(closing
your
love
of
physical
life)
is
your
first
shock
reaction,
especially
when
feeling
foreign
male
energy
(and
although
you
are
not
sure
whether
I
am
the
source
or
your
soul/higher
self
or
some
other
spirit,
you
perceive
me
as
male).
You
can
open
your
second
chakra
with
your
strong
intention
similarly
as
you
did
with
fourth
in
the
void
(during
your
journeying
with
drums).
Your
life
here
should
include
good
food,
good
fuck
and
having
your
feet
washed
in
the
sea.
Closing
second
chakra
is
equivalent
to
withdrawal
from
loving
physical
world,
shutting
down
your
body
and
moving
into
mental
aura
and
higher.
Q:
My
father
and
mother
fell
ill
on
Monday
(as
we
started
with
this
book)
with
their
type
of
disease
they
always
suffer
from
sinusitis
wherever
they
travel.
How
is
it
with
the
nature
of
family
diseases?
(E.g.
at
one
point
I
was
convincing
my
mother
that
she
too
has
Xxxx
(name
of
a
disease)
because
she
developed
very
similar
symptoms.
However,
I
know
now
for
sure
that
this
is
not
in
my
case
a
disease
in
the
western
medicine
sense.
Why
did
she
appear
to
synchronize
with
me,
developing
some
very
specific
symptoms?)
Q:
INCONSISTENCY:
If
Loving
principle
is
a
matter
of
free
will
and
natures
sentient
beings
dont
have
free
will
in
the
sense
that
humans
do,
then
how
can
the
Loving
principle
be
in
action
in
nature
in
that
effortless
way?
Who
puts
Loving
principle
there?
Or
is
Loving
principle
everywhere
until
WITHDRAWN?
Q:I
am
lying
in
bed
after
taking
a
nap
and
remember
sharing
my
journeying
with
the
circle.
And
I
suddenly
feel
ashamed.
Like
if
I
made
it
up,
weirdly
ashamed.
A:
And
that
is
just
being
a
customer.
Imagine
actually
sitting
at
Ds
place.
Q:
Thats
what
I
cant.
Sitting,
talking,
leading
vision
quests,
dancing
weirdly,
I
dont
want
to
do
that.
A:
Then
you
want.
(laugh)
You
wont
or
you
will
want.
Both
can
occur.
He
does
exactly
what
he
is
called
to.
Q:
I
was
ashamed
that
I
made
it
all
up,
which
is
very
peculiar,
as
I
was
never
interested
in
shamanism
and
completely
ignored
the
topic
in
my
spiritual
readings.
I
dont
even
know
what
INITIATION
means.
A:
Initiation
is
crossing
the
dimension
of
reality
perceived
by
five
senses.
As
you
prayed
to
see
the
truth,
hear
the
truth
and
be
the
truth
and
for
the
veils
to
be
lifted.
I
dont
say
that
what
you
perceive
at
each
moment
is
the
truth
as
there
are
many
layers
of
BECOMING
and
on
each
layer
there
is
the
truth
of
that
layer
-
for
the
lack
of
better
expression.
But
you
have
now
access
to
more
than
one
dimension
and
that
access
in
your
case
is
pretty
deep.
It
is
irrelevant
whether
you
are
using
it
to
communicate
with
your
soul
or
souls
of
animals
or
nature
spirits.
Initiation
is
crossing
over
not
to
the
dark
side
(or
the
light
side
as
you
insisted
in
enlightenment)
but
beyond
the
SEPARATION
of
your
previous
perceivable
reality.
Initiation
is
your
expansion.
In
knowledge
yes,
but
hopefully
in
LOVING.
Q:
Why
do
you
say
hopefully?
A:
As
there
ALWAYS
is
free
will,
even
if
not
at
a
what
is
perceived
as
a
specific
moment
(e.g.
your
overdose
blackout),
there
is
always
the
possibility
to
choose
not
to
expand
in
loving.
That
brings
us
to
your
question
about
the
third
eye.
Q:
I
also
feel
and
admit
to
being
uncomfortable
and
not
entirely
accepting
of
the
whole
content.
A:
But
you
still
want
to
write?
Q:
Oh
yes,
definitely.
Even
if
I
completely
havent
identified
with
the
content
or
felt
sadness
etc
I
want
to
write!!!
Its
just
interesting
to
see
from
a
before
un-
considered
perspective.
And
I
have
many
questions
that
I
didnt
find
answers
to
in
any
literature.
A:
So
what
do
you
want
to
learn?
Q:
What
will
happen
tomorrow?
A:
Well,
you
stay
at
home
and
write
this
book.
Q:
(laughing)
A:
We
will
come
to
the
future
question
later
on.
Q:
So
how
is
it
with
the
use
of
the
third
eye
in
everyday?
A:
Shaman
or
initiated
is
accessing
physical
and
non-physical
dimension
(or
one,
some
of
the
non-physical
dimensions).
As
we
spoke,
he/she
can
then
choose
to
expand
in
Loving
or
not.
If
you
use
your
third
eye
information
to
stretch
your
heart
and
embrace
more
the
more
you
see,
if
your
Loving
principle
grows
stronger
and
expands
with
the
sight,
that
is
the
true
purpose
of
the
third
eye
opening.
Third
eye
can
be
opened
also
in
people
with
active
ego
and
in
that
case
it
might
be
more
used
to
accumulate
knowledge
and
this
without
increasing
the
Loving
principle
is
useless.
Ok,
if
you
share
and
others
increase
their
Loving
principle
that
does
count.
Only
knowledge
that
leads
to
an
increased
Loving
is
knowledge
in
the
spiritual
sense.
Q:
What
are
the
dangers
of
the
other
dimensions?
A;
There
is
no
danger
other
than
NOT
LOVING.
If
you
already
hated
at
home
on
Earth,
if
you
tasted
the
hating
within,
then
you
have
nothing
more
to
fear.
VISION
QUEST
Spirit
world
communicates
with
your
physical
world
all
the
time,
but
usually
through
symbols
(or
events)
it
is
very
rare
to
transfer
meaning
via
words
Q:
Events-
explain
A:
E.g.
big
flood
With
symbols
the
meaning
is
remembered/uncovered
usually
in
non-verbal
awareness
(I
would
compare
it
to
human
non-verbal
communication,
e.g.
handshake
where
the
meaning
is
implicit)
With
words
the
meaning
reaches
verbal
awareness,
which
at
humans
at
this
time
is
extremely
powerful,
and
the
meaning
is
EXPLICIT
In
vision
quest
D
brings
people
to
observe
and
interact/be
taught
by
the
spirits.
He
allows
them
to
gently
lift
the
veil
of
their
(nature
of)
personal
reality
and
hopefully
start
loosing
those
ATTRIBUTES
that
you
use
to
describe
it
in
and
to
direct
your
Loving
principle.
The
objective
is
to
truly
experience
the
Everything
is
different
than
I
was
taught
and
enter
on
your
own
path
of
remembering
and
re-discovering.
The
path
of
ENQUIRY.
D
gives
people
first
UNLEARNING,
god
bless
him.
Q:
I
had
a
thought
that
perhaps
what
I
experienced
with
the
drums
was
taken
out
of
Ds
head-
his
stories
and
expectations,
his
knowledge
of
the
initiation.
A:
You
cant
give
anyone
a
vision.
A
series
of
images/impressions
without
deep
meaning
for
you
that
is
not
a
vision
but
a
hallucination.
Vision
has
a
personal
meaning
for
you
and
in
your
souls
language,
it
might
be
in
layers:
E.g.
the
men
in
your
vision
real
men
but
also
evil.
The
physical
man
you
asked
for
is
coming
but
at
the
same
time
you
embraced
Noun
without
Adjectives
Essence
without
Attributes
Q:
I
wonder
whether
you
are
not
going
to
show
me
any
images
to
better
understand.
A:
You
are
a
writer.
A
speaker.
The
right
words
will
always
come
to
you
and
people
will
understand.
(We
have
painters
too.)
Q:
How
do
I
know
that
I
have
done
a
mistake
in
this
line
of
work?
A:
By
violating
the
Loving
principle.
You
usually
call
that
pain.
(Also,
you
Ika
call
many
other
perceptions
pain
and
we
will
change
that
now
that
your
attention
is
focused
it
can
indeed
be
just
a
gentle
conversation.)
Q:
I
love
nature.
I
love
going
outside
so
much.
And
also
meditating
in
this
place
(my
bedroom
and
bathroom).
A:
In
nature,
the
Loving
principle
is
in
action
in
a
very
natural
effortless
way.
Natures
sentient
beings
(apart
from
human)
accept
all
aspects
of
manifestation
and
honor
the
arrangement
by
playing
out
their
full
role
(carnivores
kill
and
eat
other
animals,
etc.).
Q:
Dont
natures
sentient
beings
apart
from
humans
have
free
will?
A:
Not
in
the
sense
as
humans
do.
Not
at
all.
Q:
Another
break,
another
block.
I
am
afraid
of
the
implications
for
my
sons
future.
So
I
pray
for
him,
for
his
protection.
But
I
do
understand:
all
that
I
have
removed
for
myself
fear
of
my
death,
fear
or
shame
of
my
addictions,
desires
etc.
and
now
finally
fear
of
the
dark
side
I
have
not
removed
for
him,
when
it
comes
to
him.
Q:
Ok,
so
I
am
afraid
for
my
son,
but
I
still
want
to
hear.
A:
That
is
important.
There
is
no
hearing
for
those
who
dont
want
to
hear.
Q:
Now,
in
the
break,
few
offending
curse
words.
I
wonder
whether
that
is
my
fear,
or
my
old
ego
speaking,
but
the
feeling
is
that
it
is
my
communicator.
A:
There
is
no
point
in
trying
to
transfer-through
an
original
text
via
person
who
subscribes
very
strongly
to
the
learnt/heard
concepts
(e.g.
a
spirit
guide
is
only
light).
Q:
I
remember
that
before
initiation,
the
real
meditation
(when
I
did
NOT
try
to
speak
with
guides)
but
first
pray,
actively
love,
apologize,
forgive
and
then
just
be
in
a
meditative
state
that
had
a
very
graceful
vibration,
very
loving,
extremely
loving
content.
I
will
wait
and
see
what
develops
now.
(note
added
next
day:
perhaps
I
am
not
applying
the
Loving
principle
to
my
communicator
as
I
was
when
being
with
the
Source.
Perhaps
that
is
the
change
in
vibration.)
ENQUIRY
NOTEBOOK
2
Light
is
shining
from
the
window
above
the
door
Q:
So
beautiful,
I
just
want
to
look
at
it
all
the
time.
I
love
light.
A:
You
only
see
it
because
around
is
darker.
Q:
Yeah,
yeah,
but
still
I
just
want
to
bask
in
the
Light,
I
dont
want
to
mess
with
all
that
devil
stuff.
Just
you
know,
help
people.
A:
Well,
you
could,
when
you
finished
medicine.
Why
arent
you
in
the
hospital
now
taking
care
of
the
sick?
Q:
Because
I
didnt
feel
I
could
really
help.
I
felt
I
should
go
elsewhere,
that
I
dont
yet
have
everything
I
need
to
heal.
A:
Exactly.
Healing
doesnt
always
take
form
of
putting
hands
on
people
(I
wont
even
discuss
western
medicine
here.)
Q:
Why
not?
Isnt
western
medicine
a
huge
progress?
A:
Yes
and
no.
Q:
Elaborate.
Its
saving
lives.
Q:
quote
from
A:
En-lighted=
perceiving
the
Truth
of
the
situation
Q:
A
is
blessed,
why
doesnt
she
do
this
stuff
instead
of
me
A:
She
is
a
healer,
not
a
communicator
(and
yes,
she
is
blessed).
Q:
Ohh,
so
Ika
is
also
a
little
communicator.
A:
If
she
listens
well,
if
she
is
willing.
Q:
Do
we
have
to
get
rid
of
something
to
gain
anything?
(Is
it
one
for
another?)
A:
You
already
know
the
answer.
You
need
to
get
rid
of
the
attributes.
Then
you
will
gain
everything
IN
LOVE.
You
only
have
to
give
up
NOT
LOVING.
Q:
Lets
elaborate
on
this
process.
I
mean
you
elaborate,
I
document.
A:
Haha,
dont
sell
yourself
short.
I
am
searching
for
an
example.
Q:
In
the
meantime
I
will
shop
for
dinner
then.
A:
Cheeky.
Q:
Is
there
a
price
for
knowledge?
Will
I
pay?
(I
am
shaking
but
I
am
willing
to
hear
this.)
A:
----
Q:
How
much
will
I
pay?
A:
As
much
as
you
are
willing
to
pay.
Q:
Could
you
elaborate?
A:
Later.
This
is
an
extremely
important
topic.
Q:
When
my
son
is
dead?
A:
Yes.
Q:
(dread)
A:
In
essence.
He
must
die
in
essence.
Q:
This
is
a
terrible
SHIT.
A:
No
fear
must
remain.
Q:
But
not
in
physical?
A:
No.
Q:
But
he
will
not
be
apallic
or
somehow
terribly
not
here?
A:
I
will
not
promise
you
he
will
be
healthy,
happy,
lucky,
etc.
You
cant,
what
even
I
cant
(and
wouldnt
want
to)
take
his
lessons
away.
(more
compassionately)
He
wont
be
apallic.
Q:
Not
coming
through
the
third
eye
but
the
top
of
the
head?
A:
Not
very
important
topic.
Q:
We
want
to
get
more
complex.
Some
of
what
we
are
writing
is
as
for
schoolchildren.
A:
Well,
humans
(laugh)
Q:
Thanks.
Q:
(going
shopping)
So
when
I
ask
you
to
stop
this
dialogue
you
will
stop?
A:
Yes,
I
will
listen.
Q:
Wow.
A:
Yes
wow.
I
was
just
joking
about
the
humans
above
you
know.
Everyone/thing
is
equal
in
the
universe,
that
central
point
is
precisely
what
we
are
trying
to
re-discover
in
this
book.
What
happens
when
you
remove
all
the
attributes
is
equality,
is
IS.
This
IS
equally
as
that
IS.
Attributes
try
to
destroy
the
center,
like
that
volcanic
reaction
you
often
think
you
are
(and
you
are!!)
Q:
Many
thanks!
A:
They
propel
the
substance
from
the
center
outwards
-
this
is
only
happening
in
your
(peoples)
perception
that
the
substance
(not
essence,
substance
is
the
correct
word
here)
gets
fragmented
and
distance
appears
between
the
fragments
Q:
I
see,
so
you
are
now
describing
the
same
point
(Loving
all
~
unification)
in
million
ways.
A:
Because
it
is
such
a
crucial
point.
Real
LIFE
GIVING.
REMEMBERING
Is
a
job
Is
an
act
of
intention
Q:
I
was
again
wondering
about
the
future,
asked
a
question
but
did
not
want
to
hear
the
answer.
I
was
like:
But
I
am
afraid.
A:
And
that
is
why
no
answer
is
forthcoming.
Fear
blocks
access
to
the
truth.
With
decreasing
fear,
the
truth
can
appear.
Q:
So
its
proportional.
The
decrease
in
fear
is
correlated
with
the
access
to
further
layers
of
truth.
A:
Not
exactly
correlated.
Fearlessness
is
one
condition
for
access.
Uncovering
of
the
central
truth
also
requires
the
Loving
(application
of
the
Loving
principle).
Q:
So
as
Loving
is
a
matter
of
choice,
then
what
happens
to
the
enquiring
fearless
person
with
the
absence
of
Loving?
A:
Those
are
the
dangers
of
the
other
dimension
you
were
asking
about
before.
Discovery
without
really
discovering,
that
is
seeing
things,
hearing
things
and
interacting
with
things
(things
for
the
lack
of
a
better
noun)
that
do
exist,
but
without
real
purpose
(spiritual
purpose).
Like
getting
caught
in
advanced
levels
of
some
infinite
computer
game
but
never
being
able
to
reach
the
end.
Q:
Ha,
I
am
absolute
chicken
in
even
considering
the
thought
that
we
(Q&A)
have
reached
the
end.
A:
Speak
for
yourself.
Q:
Haha.
A:
Yes,
it
is
not
understanding
the
Loving
principle
(and
its
application
to
ALL
without
distinction).
Even
if
you
were
accepting
everything
we
talked
about
Q:
Which
I
am
NOT!!!
A:
yes,
that
would
not
be
the
end
of
the
game.
Q:
It
has
something
to
do
with
the
embodiment
of
the
Loving
principle,
right?
A:
Yes.
But
not
by
being
the
goody-goody.
The
saints
are
tempted
that
is
what
they
call
it.
They
are
not
tempted!
They
are
a
mixture,
they
are
NOT
FROM
THE
LIGHT,
as
no
human
is.
So
if
they
should
with
rigorous
honesty
journal
their
thoughts
(or
even
deeds)
the
ESSENCE
of
what
is
perceived
as
dark
would
be
all
over
their
journals
(e.g.
controlling
their
thoughts,
trying
to
sort
them
equals
to
power,
equals
to
aggression).
The
relief
for
people
would
be
having
few
of
these
journals
of
current
or
past
saints
available
to
read.
Yet,
they
are
correctly
called
saints
in
a
sense,
as
they
loved
so
much
-
with
intention
and
awareness,
recognizing
Loving
as
the
highest/only
service.
Q:
As
opposed
to
humans,
is
there
anyone
FROM
THE
LIGHT?
A:
I
wont
even
consider
such
term
anymore.
Q:
You
wont
make
a
prophet
out
of
me.
A:
I
wont.
You
have
a
choice.
Q:
Like
to
be
burned
on
the
stake.
A:
There
will
be
some
of
that,
yes.
Q:
I
wouldnt
want
my
father
to
experience
that.
A:
He
wont
see
that.
That
will
come
well
after.
Q:
After
his
stroke?
(I
sensed
that
image.)
A:
Yes.
Q:
(crying,
etc.)
A:
So
what,
you
are
fast
to
pass
through
that
graceful
doorway
towards
further
understanding/unfolding,
but
not
let
anyone
else?
A:
Your
father
will
always
be
with
you.
What,
you
might
eve
talk
more
then
than
now.
Your
father
is
within
you
and
you
are
within
him
always.
He
is
already
dead
and
re-born
in
a
series
of
infinite
lifetimes
all
co-occuring
(happening
in
a
single
moment).
A:
Your
parents
will
die,
you
dont
need
a
master
to
tell
you
that.
Q:
So
you
are
a
master?
(reference
to
Ageless
Wisdom)
A:
I
am
not
identifying
myself
as
you
must
have
already
understood
at
least
not
at
this
time.
I
am
staying/becoming
without
ATTRIBUTES.
LOVING
INCLUDES
LETTING
GO
As
you
have
written
on
your
bathroom
mirror:
I
wont
expect
anything
I
wont
reject
anything/anyone
And
that
is
the
definition
of
the
intention
of
unconditional
love.
No
expectation
is
an
all-inclusive,
nothing
refusing
INTENTION
I
will
not
judge,
because
or
even
though
I
could
name
attributes
of
that
person/event
etc.
I
will
still
love
it/them
I
will
see
unfolding
the
flow
in
and
the
release
(the
letting
go)
It
only
appears
to
be
directional
IN
LOVING
As
you
are
welcoming
something/someone
into
your
life
you
are
already
at
the
same
time
letting
it/them
go
Yes
it
does
work
the
other
way
too
As
you
are
releasing
something/someone,
letting
them
go,
you
are
welcoming
them
into
your
life
as
you
have
just
HONORED
AND
ACCEPTED
it/them
as
they
are.
THEY
ARE.
Letting
go
here
is
not
an
imposed
action.
Oh,
I
cant
have
this
lover
or
he
is
with
someone
else
(this
is
to
be
discussed
later)
so
I
HAVE
TO
let
him
go.
Letting
go
is
an
act
of
fully
accepting
a
person
or
situation
in
their
entirety
and
(in
the
case
of
a
person)
honoring
their
free
will.
Q:
That
is
giving
someone
freedom?
Giving
the
beloved
their
freedom?
A:
You
can
never
give
anyone
their
freedom.
Only
each
self
gives
him/her
self
the
freedom.
Freedom
is
Free-d
OM,
it
is
a
deep
connection
with
ones
own
nature
(with
the
divine
within)
this
leads
to
following
that
inner
guidance
(as
in
Living
in
the
Light
of
Shakti
Gawain
using
this
as
a
shortcut
in
expression).
In
following
your
DIVINITY,
one
does
break
rules
of
the
society,
rules
of
ones
conditioning
and
lastly
even
self-conditioning
(like
the
attachment
to
the
Light).
Q:
That
brings
us
to
the
multiple
partners
you
wanted
to
discuss?
A:
MANIFESTING
VERSUS
REMEMBERING
Q:
And
D
sees
reality
larger
than
himself.
A:
Nothing
is
larger
than
your
self.
Everything/one
is
already
within
you.
If
D
sees
Yeti
in
the
woods
that
is
because
D
has
remembered
Yeti
and
can
now
experience
him
in
his
current
reality
(which
is
a
mix
of
a
few
dimensions)
he
chose
to
inhabit.
Q:
So
Yeti
doesnt
really
exist.
A:
Yes,
I
see
you
are
making
it
easy
for
the
reader
here.
Yeti
does
exist.
Everything/one
IS
(becoming).
Q:
Doesnt
really
exit
HERE
(in
my
current
reality).
A:
It
does
if
you
remember
it.
Q;
So
I
can
remember
my
Lover.
A:
I
see
you
are
not
loosing
focus
(of
the
priorities).
Yes,
I
dont
like
the
word
manifesting.
Pause,
no
continuation,
Ika
puts
on
Seal
CD
starting
with
Bring
it
On!!
At
first
I
didnt
have
the
will
to
carry
on
Illusions
in
m
mind
Take
me
to
that
funky
place
where
you
and
I
were
born
Carry
on
now
Q:
laughing
A:
Welcome
to
the
world
of
spirit
that
was/is
within
you.
You
have
just
remembered
some
of
it.
Like
when
you
were
first
so
very
heartbroken
(with
the
divorce
and
the
colleague
situation)
and
each
song
on
the
radio
seemed
to
contain
a
clue.
And
you
commented
to
your
sister:
Hey,
did
you
know
that
Guns
N
Roses
Dont
cry
is
about
a
break-up?
I
never
realized
that
before.
But
that
was
recognition
after
experiencing.
First
you
experienced
the
heartbreak
and
then
you
could
recognize
it
around
you
(even
in
symbols).
Staying
between
experiencing
and
recognition
is
majority
of
human
experience.
The
classic
learning
from
experience
embedded
in
your
language
even
that
is
considered
superior
(or
at
least
a
different
mode
of)
learning
than
learning
by
conditioning
(second-hand
knowledge).
If
this
is
the
exclusive
way
of
operating
creating
awareness
in
an
individual
it
is
quite
slow.
Such
individual
is
cut
off
from
his/her
soul/true
nature
(I
will
discuss
this
term
later)
and
at
some
level
perceives
this
DISCONNECT
or
barrier
to
accessing
something
usually
called
meaning
or
purpose.
Then
what
D
has
done
with
Yeti
and
you
might
with
the
Lover
is
remembering
(the
essence
of
Yeti
or
the
Lover)
within
you
and
then
experiencing
them
in
your
chosen
reality
(within
those
dimensions
that
you
are
currently
accessing).
Q:
What
is
the
purpose
of
experiencing?
A:
Increase
in
the
Loving
principle.
Or
much
more
precise
ACTIVE
APPLICATION
of
the
Loving
principle
at
the
endpoint.
Q:
But
are
these
clues
of
the
intuition
on
where
to
go?
Your
soul/true
nature
being
recognized?
A:
Clues
not
to
where
to
go
but
to
who/what
you
are.
There
is
nowhere
to
go
but
to
your
true
nature.
Accepting
it
as
IS
(becoming).
Q:
Soul
true
nature
is
that
the
place
where
you
and
I
were
born?
A:
Closer
but
not
quite.
A:
The
Yeti
or
the
Lover
are
not
remembered
because
they
are
right
for
you
but
because
experiencing
them
might
provide
you
with
an
opportunity
to
increase
your
Loving
principle
(e.g.
in
the
case
of
Yeti
through
the
loss
of
FEAR
and
loving
Yeti
as
scary
as
he
is;
and
in
the
case
of
the
Lover
the
same
-
laughing).
Q:
Yes,
I
was
waiting
for
this
one.
Thanks
for
keeping
me
on
my
toes.
You
know
this
banter
will
not
go
well
with
the
Lovers
of
Metaphysics.
A:
Then
they
are
not
applying
their
Loving
principle
to
lets
say
punk
aspects,
in
your
terminology
Ika.
A:
But
application
of
the
Loving
principle
is
optional.
You
bring
out
by
remembering
to
create/demonstrate
for
yourself
the
choice:
Of
either
Loving
what
IS
or
not.
Q:
Ok.
Beautiful.
I
just
wanted
to
put
some
arrows
on
the
model
in
reverse.
A:
Everything/one
comes
from
the
inside.
We
are
not
going
to
put
an
arrow
from
experiencing
to
remembering.
Recognition
is
not
second-hand
WORDS.
It
only
comes
from
experiencing
or
remembering.
You
are
now
RECOGNIZING
some
of
the
content
that
you
are
remembering
with
my
help.
You
are
at
the
same
time
CHOOSING
not
to
recognize
some
of
the
content
(saying
I
cant
accept
this
part).
That
is
the
part
that
you
will
need
to
experience
in
order
to
recognize.
Direct
recognition
by
remembering
is
possible
when
in
close
contact
with
your
soul/true
nature.
Q:
note
added
next
day:
spirit?
A:
The
endpoint
is
Loving
with
awareness.
Applying
Loving
principle
consciously
by
choice
AFTER
you
fully
recognized
the
person
or
situation
or
aspect
in
their
entirety.
Q:
So
could
we
somehow
relate
this
diagram
to
the
discussion
about
Loving
and
Fearlessness
leading
to
the
Truth?
Q:
Tell
me
about
those
dimensions.
A:
This
is
not
a
metaphysical
test
to
explore
a
structure
of
BECOMING.
It
might
be
of
interest
if
you
are
a
yogi
with
loads
of
human
time
on
your
hands
(this
is
all
in
very
incorrect
language)
Q:
Very
punk,
yes.
A:
but
it
is
a
distraction.
The
structure
always
collapses
into
that
single
center
with
everything
and
everyone
being
the
center.
(The
center
is
more
correct
than
AT
THE
center.)
FEARLESSNESS
MEDITATION
The
fear
of.
my
fathers
death.
I
clearly
see
you,
you
are
huge
and
obscuring
my
view.
But
I
love
you.
I
know
you
are
a
natural
part
of
human
experience
and
being
a
fathers
child.
Next
time
you
come,
I
will
welcome
you,
hug
you
and
together
we
might
remember
that
my
father
is
already
dead
and
re-born
countless
times
in
this
moment
and
we
cant
loose
each
other
as
we
are
within
each
other.
Q:
I
thought
you
are
supposed
to
keep
what
is.
A:
Correct.
It
is
not
purifying
yourself
from
your
fears,
but
recognizing
them
and
accepting
them
(applying
the
Loving
principle
to
them).
FEARLESSNESS
is
not
the
absence
of
fear.
It
is
the
state
where
your
fears
dont
have
power
over
you.
Q:
Why
even
seekers
or
people
who
do
a
lot
in
spiritual
practice
remain
in
the
same
pattern?
Why
is
the
breakthrough
so
elusive
for
many?
A:
Wish
is
not
enough.
You
need
to
declare/come
up
with
INTENTION.
Intention
is
a
key
to
remembering.
Wish
is
I
want
to
(maybe
in
my
mental
or
emotional
body,
if
I
moved
away
from
the
ego
already)
but
I
dont
really
want
to
(I
want
to
within
specific
limits
not
facing
my
fears,
keeping
large
parts
of
conditioning
for
convenience).
As
you
chose
to
continue
a
dialogue
with
a
speaker
who
did
not
identify
himself
a
great
role
in
this
decision,
apart
from
courage
and
inquisitive
mind
(and
some
recognition
of
what
is
being
said)
plays
the
fact
that
you
truly
believe
you
have
a
choice
now.
Many
ENQUIRIES
are
limited
because
the
seeker
or
individual
doesnt
believe
he
or
she
has
a
choice
at
every
step.
This
might
take
a
form
of
a
belief
of
mental
illness
(your
illness
is
taking
over
you,
you
cant
control
it)
or
having
a
particular
gift
as
the
psychics
from
childhood
that
is
viewed
as
received
and
not
chosen.
These
are
both
limiting
the
focus
of
attention
into
uncharted
territories.
Q:
I
want
to
pick
up
the
topic
of
a
mental
illness.
And
powerlessness.
Since
I
actually
at
one
point
did
perceive
that
there
is
a
split
within
me
(which
now
I
recognize
as
Ego/Personality
versus
Soul/Spirit).
Also,
although
I
do
take
RADICAL
responsibility,
some
of
the
events
towards
the
end
were
pretty
bizarre
and
indeed
seemed
choice-less
in
my
perception.
A:
Sorry.
You
experienced
exactly
what
you
needed
to
pull
down
certain
structures
of
conditioning.
With
telepathy
(and
you
havent
recognized
yet
whether
that
was
transfer
of
meaning
between
souls
or
you
heard
personalities/ego
minds
or
both
we
can
discuss
this
later)
you
could
make
some
validations
(in
your
perception).
The
same
goes
for
certain
pre-cognition
or
some
psychic
abilities
(like
reading
photographs).
If
you
labeled
your
bodily
symptoms
as
disease,
and
your
spiritual
telepathy
again
as
disease,
you
experienced
some
of
the
psychic
phenomena
in
order
to
really
re-focus
your
attention.
Choice
of
the
essence:
Trajectory
Un-choice
Trajectory
might
vary
depending
on
how
well
the
experience
brings
about
recognition.
If
milder
experience
doesnt
lead
to
recognition,
the
trajectory
is
altered
towards
more
drastic
experiences
(harder
to
ignore).
As
you
noticed
yourself,
illogical/bizarre
occurrences
can
lift
the
veil
of
ego
mind.
For
many
individuals
who
are
extremely
logical
and
rule
obeying
(who
have
principles
like
you
did
Ika)
experiencing
the
temporary
perceived
loss
of
willpower,
un-
explainable
loss
of
faculties
etc.
might
be
the
breakthrough.
As
you
thought
at
the
time:
I
lost
my
mind.
And
so
you
did
the
rule
of
the
ego
mind/conditioning/logic.
And
you
made
-
at
that
state
-
confirmation
of
your
choice
to
awaken
by
saying
what
the
heck,
now
when
I
lost
it,
I
am
free
to
listen
to
what
IS
coming
through
(and
what
at
that
time
seemed
to
be
responsible
for
the
havoc
in
your
life
only
you
recognized
very
fast
that
it
was
only
the
conflict
of
the
ego
mind
and
that
other
voice
or
guidance
that
was
causing
the
havoc).
You
said:
And
I
am
willing.
I
embrace
what
is
A:
Depending
on
the
strength
of
intention,
the
choice
will
carry
you
through
the
entire
or
a
portion
of
an
event.
Basically,
the
stronger
the
intention
for
the
ESSENCE
of
the
event
to
occur,
the
less
choice
within
the
event
happening
(allowing
for
temporary
loss
of
willpower
at
least
so
perceived
to
occur).
Temporary
loss
of
willpower
is
absolutely
not
necessary
for
awakening,
and
hopefully
this
book
will
help
many
to
awaken
without
experiencing
such
event.
If
the
intention
for
the
essence
of
event
is
not
very
strong,
there
are
many
steps
within
the
event
to
opt
out
or
UN-CHOOSE.
The
process
of
setting
an
intention
was
described
as
creative
visualization.
That
is
the
method
of
imagining
yourself
standing
near
the
tree.
The
open
heart
of
Loving
leading
to
successful
manifestation
is
reflected
in
what
is
referred
to
as
Law
of
Attraction.
Your
Loving
is
that
higher
vibration.
Both
of
the
elements
of
manifestation
are
combined
in
beautiful
Sonja
Choquettes
term
getting
your
hearts
desire.
Having
a
higher
vibration
as
an
individual
will
not
lead
to
manifesting
whatsoever
at
will.
Your
heart
beats
for
C
in
a
sense,
you
had
many
loving
feelings
towards
that
person
and
from
the
very
beginning
Q:
Can
you
escape
your
own
soul?
(a
bit
disturbed
by
that
meditation
on
being
the
Lucifer)
A:
Thats
that
separation,
if
you
remove
from
that
meditation
the
uncomfortable
bits.
You
are
the
universe.
Make
a
list
of
what
the
universe
contains
or
ask
even
a
little
child
to
make
that
list.
You
are
that.
If
it
says
poo,
you
are
that
too.
If
it
says
Dad
hit
me,
you
are
the
Dad
and
the
act
of
hitting
and
the
hit
child,
etc.
If
you
are
pushed
to
strike
things
of
your
list,
or
cover
them
up,
then
you
are
IN
that
separation
from
aspects
of
self
and
universe.
Q:
Soul,
spirit,
true
nature
A:
EVERYONE
CAN
A:
So
as
you
were
contemplating
your
holidays
this
summer,
how
you
didnt
plan
to
go
anywhere
for
vacation,
but
how
you
intended
to
go
back
to
that
Buddhist
monastery
and
meditate.
But
your
only
plans
for
summer
are
now
spoiled
because
you
are
in
contact
with
me
at
will
(almost)
in
your
everyday
and
you
dont
even
need
to
sit
cross-legged
anymore!!
-
sit
in
that
bathtub
of
yours
or
in
all
those
toilets
at
your
workplace
(blocking
other
poor
researchers
who
wanted
to
relieve
themselves).
It
might
be
even
conceivable
that
you
can
drink
some
coffee
after
all
and
still
be
in
good
contact
with
me.
So
there
are
no
rules
and
this
translates
to
there
are
no
limits
on
your
connection
with
the
spirit.
Q:
Your
spirit?
A:
Your
spirit
is
also
everyone
elses
spirit,
lets
discuss
later.
Quality
of
the
connection
with
the
spirit
is
dependent
solely
on
ones
intention
and
degree
of
development
of
the
Loving
principle
(that
is
the
higher
vibration
or
raising
of
the
vibration
that
the
other
literature
talks
about).
Therefore
you
can
follow
a
very
strict
religious
practice,
if
the
religion
teaches
exclusion
and
damnation
for
aspects/beings
excluded,
and
you
do
not
apply
Loving
principle,
you
are
getting
nowhere,
even
though
the
explicit
purpose
of
your
religious
practice
is
to
connect
with
spirit.
Raising
your
vibration
has
very
little
to
do
with
drinking
water,
burning
incense
sticks
Q:
you
are
laughing
at
me,
right?
A:
having
a
particular
diet
or
reciting
very
precise
prayers.
All
these
things
above
play
a
role
and
the
prayers
are
pieces
of
beauty
(as
you
would
call
it)
and
they
do
have
that
vibe,
but
the
main
practice
is
CONSCIOUSLY
expanding
your
heart
to
include
everything
on
your
universe
list.
You
had
a
thought
recently:
if
being
a
junkie
on
the
street
would
help
me
understand
THE
TRUE
NATURE
OF
EXISTENCE
then
so
be
it.
So
if
you
need
to
experience
some
of
the
things
on
your
universe
list
before
you
are
able
to
recognize
them
and
apply
Loving
principle
to
them
that
is
what
you
have
to
do.
Experience
THE
ESSENCE
of
everything/one
that
cannot
be
yet
included
in
your
heart.
Q:
How
do
I
then
bring
about
such
experiences?
Or
how
are
these
experiences
brought
about?
Q:
E.g.
if
I
cannot
include
violence
on
children
what
then?
A:
First
strip
this
image
into
its
essence.
You
are
describing
an
extremely
apparent/obvious
manifestation
of
aggression/power
over
weaker.
Lets
concentrate
on
power
over
weaker.
Draw
me
a
scale
of
manifestations
of
this
essence.
Now
you
were
waiting
to
put
the
thoughts
(the
same
in
thought
forms)
at
the
bottom
of
the
scale.
However,
this
scale
is
exactly
the
same
for
these
acts
in
deed
or
in
thought.
Thought
forms
and
deeds
are
equal.
You
can
draw
such
chart
for
many
other
ESSENCES.
When
you
look
at
it,
you
will
most
of
the
time
find
that
you
have
already
experienced
the
manifestations
at
the
bottom
or
up
to
the
middle
of
the
scale.
You
have
a
choice
now
to
RECOGNIZE
these
experiences
(events,
people,
etc.)
in
their
entirety
or
better
RECOGNIZE
the
ESSENCE
of
these
experiences.
If
you
practice
YES
in
the
choice
of
recognition,
and
if
you
practice
YES
in
the
choice
of
applying
the
Loving
principle
to
the
recognized
=
that
is
the
practice
of
CONSCIOUS
EXPANSION
OF
YOUR
HEART
(that
will
raise
your
vibration
and
the
vibration
of
the
entire
planet).
Recognizing
the
essence
of
your
experiences
is
the
exact
opposite
of
confession.
If
you
are
a
boss
that
is
imposing
very
strict
rules/agenda
for
your
subordinates
(even
if
that
is
lets
say
your
mode
of
work)
and
you
realize
that
the
neighboring
groups
work
with
much
more
autonomy
of
each
group
member,
you
might
CHOOSE
to
recognize
the
POWER
OVER
THE
WEAKER
essence
in
yourself
in
this
experience.
This
recognition
then
may
encompass
different
manifestation
of
the
same
essence
in
yourself,
others
and
in
your
current
reality.
The
key
is
to
CHOOSE
to
recognize
the
essence
within
you.
And
opposed
to
the
confession,
once
you
found
and
CONSCIOUSLY
ACKNOWLEDGED
the
presence
of
such/any
essence
within
you,
you
then
dont
concentrate
your
efforts
on
EXPUNGING
it,
purifying
yourself
and
reciting
countless
prayers,
but
you
have
another
CHOICE
to
apply
your
Loving
to
that
essence
within
you
(this
might
be
accompanied
with
the
countless
prayers,
that
would
be
nice).
Q:
So
you
are
going
to
say
that
once
beloved
within
me,
it
can
be
loved
in
anyone/thing
in
any
manifestation?
I
thought
previously
you
said
that
the
hardest
is
to
apply
Loving
principle
to
the
dark
within
ourselves
(but
it
is
easier
when
it
comes
to
others).
A:
We
are
so
very
compassionate
to
others;
we
dont
feel
the
separation
caused
by
their
action
as
acutely
as
we
do
the
separation
that
arises
from
our
own
actions.
Q:
So
within
WHO
then?
A:
Everything
happens
within
you.
Look
at
the
Shri
Mataji
page.
I
forgive.
I
forgive
everything.
I
forgive
everyone.
I
forgive
myself.
You
did
it
without
trying
to
separate
the
events
or
people
included
(what
was
whose
fault
in
this
situation
or
whose
fault
in
that
situation).
You
brought
the
essence
to
your
mind
and
heart
(you
thought
of
LOVE
REJECTED,
withdrawn,
for
example)
and
forgave.
You
have
been
rejected,
but
simultaneously
you
have
seen
very
clearly
how
you
rejected
(another)
yourself.
THOUGHT
FORMS
AND
DEEDS
ARE
EQUAL
Q:
So
then,
when
C
wants
to
hit
someone
but
restrains
himself
(which
he
does
beautifully
these
days
god
bless
him)
that
is
all
for
nothing?
A:
No!
Not
a
good
example.
C
never
wants
to
hit
anyone
consciously.
He
prays
even
for
this
impulse/compulsion
to
be
lifted
as
his
drinking
and
other
compulsions
have
been
(not
entirely
but
substantially).
If
you
restrain
from
an
IMPULSE
(if
it
is
a
hurtful
action)
that
is
great.
The
next
step
is
to
enquire
why
such
an
impulse
arises.
Impulses
could
be
Cs
and
yours
doorway
to
the
yet
UNINCORPORATED
and
UNLOVED
parts
of
self
(or
the
universe
for
that
matter).
CONSCIOUS
THOUGHT
FORMS
AND
DEEDS
ARE
EQUAL
Q:
Isnt
there
this
idea
around
that
it
would
need
to
be
a
very
powerful
thought
form
(e.g.
repeated,
by
large
groups
of
people
or
by
someone
who
is
perceived
as
spiritually
powerful)
that
would
only
manifest
in
physical?
We
dont
just
think
stuff
and
it
doesnt
appear
in
front
of
our
eyes.
A:
Lets
try
to
explain
this
through
your
personal
experience.
(Yes,
one
of
those
bizarre
ones.)
So
you
have
now
spent
almost
whatone
year
Loving
a
person
you
met
in
physical
(or
in
your
reality)
twice
in
your
life.
You
yourself
had
that
recognition
that
this
was
perhaps
the
most
crucial
relationship
of
your
life
yet,
as
not
only
you
sorted
through
many
layers
of
intimacy-related
issues
in
yourself,
accepting
rejection
etc.
(and
you
appreciated
that
you
are
really
learning,
that
your
heart
is
opening
too)
but
also
because
you
couldnt
cut
him
off
(in
your
harsh
words)
stop
Loving
him
(in
the
words
of
your
heart).
There
are
several
aspects
to
consider
here.
Firstly,
you
have
been
married
for
ten
years,
had
another
boyfriend
for
a
couple
of
years
before
that,
basically
you
knew
what
it
means
to
live
with
a
man
and
love
a
man
in
your
everyday.
And
you
did
enjoy
that
that
everyday.
THINK
OF
SHRI
MATAJI
It
all
comes
back
to
the
heart.
CONTRARY
THOUGHT
Q:
Lets
explore
this
scenario.
I
have
a
best
friend
H
that
got
suddenly
disconnected.
As
I
was
pondering
this
fact
and
what
might
be
happening
in
her
life
a
thought
I
hate
H
appeared.
As
thoughts
are
equivalent
to
deeds
I
immediately
shocked
myself
and
usually
I
would
follow
by
decisive
No!
Love,
peace
and
courage
to
H
technique
that
I
picked
up
from
some
book
especially
for
this
purpose
(of
dealing
with
psychically
attacking
others).
What
is
the
significance
of
such
thoughts?
A:
In
this
case,
you
are
calling
forth
your
fear
of
evil.
You
dont
hate
H
at
all,
nor
is
it
an
intention
set
(you
dont
see
yourself
next
to
the
QUALITY
of
hating
H).
You
are
still
attached
somewhat
to
the
Light
and
you
need
to
resolve
your
fear
of
evil,
dark,
hell
and
BAD
THOUGHTS.
Q:
This
really
sounds
like
my
subconscious
trying
to
make
it
easy
for
me
(excuse
me).
A:
I
am
your
subconscious.
Q:
What??
A:
In
a
sense
that
I
will
explain:
Remember
how
you
liked
the
word
play
free-d
om
and
you
went
on
the
internet
and
saw
several
yoga
groups
or
so
using
this
word
play.
There
you
had
a
thought
that
although
you
definitely
do
not
recall
it,
perhaps
you
have
seen
this
word
play
before
and
stored
it
in
your
subconscious.
So
this
is
basically
correct.
You
have
seen
it
before
(or
understood
its
meaning)
and
now
you
have
re-discovered
the
word
play
and
its
meaning.
In
that
sense
western
psychology
and
lots
of
its
teachings
on
the
subconscious
(personality)
is
useful.
Subconscious
is
one
of
those
terms
that
I
would
point
to
as
an
example
of
the
science
and
medicine
approaching
the
subtle
systems.
Also
your
random
bad
thought
can
be
seen
as
an
indirect
experience
of
You
Ika
are
evil
too
and
an
opportunity
to
practice
recognizing/accepting
this
aspect
within
you.
Q:
Why
do
we
forget
then?
Why
this
in
the
language
of
successive
incarnations
incessant
cycle
of
forgetting
and
remembering?
(here
I
sense
a
reference
to
Leonard
Cohen:
but
a
lot
goes
on
forever
and
I
cant
forget,
I
cant
forget
I
cant
forget
but
I
dont
remember
what)
A:
You
never
really
forget.
It
is
only
OBSCURING.
Q:
But
why?
Once
I
know
something,
why
would
I
obscure
that
sight
on
the
next
occasion?
A:
And
what
do
you
really
know?
Lets
look.
You
know
your
son
after
14.5
years.
Do
you
know
him
so
well,
that
you
cannot
recognize
him
deeper
and
love
him
in
HIS
NEW
ENTIRETY
any
more?
And
that
is
just
a
person,
rather
complex,
right?
So
lets
move
on.
You
had
losses,
youve
been
sad.
So
you
know
sadness,
you
think,
but
now
suddenly
you
are
knowing
a
new
kind
of
sadness
a
larger
sadness
so
to
speak
which
contains
something
like
peace
and
beauty.
You
knew
sadness
before
and
you
recognize
and
love
sadness
in
a
new
entirety
now.
Through
your
daily
interactions
or
careful
observation
(kind
attention).
Q:
Ok.
I
understand
that
a
person
will
develop
and
change.
My
perception
of
emotions
might
develop
and
change.
But
what
about
those
esoteric
concepts?
Cant
I
remember
them?
A:
Fuck
esoteric
concepts.
Q:
Ok,
I
am
not
going
to
writeI
am
writing
this
but
its
not
getting
published.
Why
are
you
so
disagreeable?
A:
Esoteric
concepts
(those
you
find
in
books)
are
a
distraction
full
of
attributes.
Q:
So
that
swearing
brings
me
back
to
the
innocence
of
my
niece
that
comes
to
my
mind
with
the
phrase
with
the
eyes
of
a
child.
Is
that
what
you
mean
that
AWE
and
non-judgment
and
Loving
that
is
PRIOR
THE
CONDITIONING?
A:
Partially.
So
many
believe
that
children
remember
more
and
that
with
conditioning
by
upbringing
and
education
they
loose
touch
with
their
soul/spirit/true
nature.
That
prior
conditioning
phase
in
child
might
indeed
be
very
joyful
if
the
child
is
safe
and
loved.
Becoming
is
through
increased
Loving.
So
forgetting
moves
you
initially
into
that
level
of
recognizing
via
experiencing.
The
absolute
key
point
here
is
to
CHOOSE
to
love.
You
can
remember
the
essence
of
everyone
and
everything.
OR
that
essence
can
be
demonstrated
in
the
variety
of
manifestation
that
you
can
experience
and
recognize
the
essence.
Maybe
the
first
scenario
is
quicker
in
your
sense
of
time
than
the
second.
It
is
not
the
connection
to
spirit
that
matters
(as
a
goal,
as
an
endpoint)
it
is
the
choice
for
increased
Loving.
If
I
go
to
Earth,
take
on
a
body
and
forget
(but
I
cant
really
forget
I
dont
remember
what)
I
will
challenge
myself
greatly.
I
will
put
myself
into
an
area
of
famine
where
some
have
almost
all
resources
and
majority
is
literally
starving.
I
will
believe
this
scenario
entirely
and
experience
the
essence
of
INEQUALITY
in
a
very
deep
sense.
I
can
then
choose
to
(forgive
everything,
everyone
and
myself)
INCLUDE
AND
LOVE
this
inequality.
Next
time
I
go
to
Earth,
I
will
again
challenge
myself
heavily.
I
will
forget
(but
I
cant
really
forget
I
dont
remember
what).
This
time
the
obscuring
might
be
less
so,
so
I
will
have
a
stronger
connection
to
that
which
I
cant
forget.
But
I
will
choose
to
be
born
to
parents
that
are
very
conditioned
and
operate
much
from
their
ego-minds.
I
will
experience
growing
up
with
CONDITIONAL
LOVE.
We
love
you,
as
long
as
you
perform
(As
in
all
subjects).
We
love
you,
but
please
do
not
embarrass
us
by
all
that
singing
and
dancing
(unless
you
take
it
seriously
in
a
class
and
your
talent
is
confirmed
by
a
teacher).
And
so
on.
As
I
am
now
more
connected
with
my
soul/spirit/true
nature,
I
am
able
to
recognize
in
this
experience
the
essence
of
CONDITIONAL
love
(as
there
is
that
memory
of
Loving
within).
Throughout
my
experience
with
my
parents,
I
can
with
interaction,
careful
observation
and
kind
attention
DISSECT,
deep-know,
and
so
enhance
my
recognition
of
the
essence
of
conditional
love
(I
will
know
my
parents
backgrounds,
their
upbringing,
their
struggles,
mode
of
thinking
and
I
will
also
know
in
my
heart
their
love,
even
if
conditional
still
LOVE).
I
can
than
choose
to
(forgive)
INCLUDE
AND
LOVE
such
conditional
love.
Q:
So
forgetting
leads
to
opportunity
for
recognizing
the
essence
in
a
larger
way.
A:
Yes
and
the
subsequent
choice:
Do
I
-
will
I
-
can
I
INCLUDE/LOVE
this
now
better-known
essence?
Q:
Ok,
MINDFULNESS
I
sense
this
relates
to
the
topic.
A:
It
is
extremely
important
to
EXPERIENCE
your
experiences.
To
be
attentive
(kindly)
and
sort
of
interact
with
the
experience
you
are
having
now.
Step
into
it,
MILK
IT!!!
Look
at
everything
that
is
happening,
look
at
everyone
involved
(look
deep,
look
into
their
eyes).
That
will
lead
to
RECOGNITION
OF
THE
ESSENCE
of
your
experience
in
a
larger
way.
Q:
So
you
know
when
I
was
experiencing
this
lame
basically
non-existent
(sorry
to
have
to
put
it
this
way)
love
affair,
I
was
reprimanding
myself
often
that
I
am
not
practicing
mindfulness.
That
I
am
not
pipetting
when
I
am
pipetting,
or
sitting
on
the
train
when
sitting
on
the
train.
A:
I
see
because
you
were
Loving
all
the
time
too,
right?
Q:
Yes,
sort
of
like
in
conversation
with
that
other
soul
or
with
my
own
heart.
And
there
was
also
the
ego
mind
talking,
you
know
like
stop
it
dummy.
A:
So
the
purpose
of
mindfulness
is
to
really
get
into
your
experience.
If
you
simultaneously
cant
stop
Loving
that
is
the
blessed
state
and
opens
you
to
even
greater
RECOGNITIONS
in
all
your
experiences.
*
Being
in
love
in
a
human
experience
allows
you
to
perceive
different
aspects
of
any
essence
(I
would
compare
it
to
the
white
portion
of
the
yin
yang
ball,
ball
here
being
the
essence).
Everything,
Everyone
is
great
when
you
are
in
love.
This
is
the
recognition
with
an
open
heart.
After
the
recognition
with
the
open
heart,
the
choice
to
include
A:
Yes.
So
when
we
cleared
this,
lets
move
to
the
WITHDRAWAL
from
the
outside
world.
If
you
are
OUTSIDE
and
you
are
bitter,
what
do
you
bring
to
others?
Or
to
the
planet?
If
you
are
OUTSIDE
and
you
are
angry,
sad,
depressed
etc.
what
do
you
bring?
But
all
these
adjectives
are
in
a
sense
incorrect.
The
correct
question
here
is:
If
you
are
OUTSIDE
and
you
are
NOT
LOVING,
what
do
you
bring?
(It
is
perfectly
ok
and
even
beautiful
if
you
are
bitter,
sad,
angry
and
depressed,
but
you
HAVE
INCLUDED
AND
ARE
LOVING
these
aspects
of
yourself.)
Q:
So
you
suggest
we
stay
in
the
bathrooms
until
we
sort
ourselves
WITHIN?
A:
I
suggest
staying
with
the
experiences
that
you
are
either
drawn
to
or
which
you
cant
shake
(which
keep
repeating
in
your
life)
and
allowing
that
process
of
deep
enquiry
within
that
experience.
These
two
types
of
experiences
are
key
to
getting
in
touch
with
your
soul/spirit/true
nature.
But
I
repeat
the
goal
is
not
simply
to
get
in
touch
with
your
true
nature
but
to
accept
it
in
its
entirety
with
all
its
aspects
and
to
apply
Loving
principle
to
all
its
aspects.
Q:
And
yet.
It
all
feels
such
a
fake
in
a
sense.
My
writing
this
in
my
bed
with
my
whole
life
exactly
as
it
used
to
be
externally
(You
see-
I
havent
even
started
those
goddamn
amends
the
AAs
do.
I
dont
even
have
a
sponsor.)
A:
Ill
be
your
sponsor.
Q:
Thank
you
very
much.
That
changes
that
statement
above
by
a
lot.
Now
I
have
a
spirit
of
unknown
identity
as
my
sponsor.
Better.
Q:
I
wanted
to
know
about
the
pre-determination
of
events,
the
that
was
meant
to
happen
kind
of
sentiment.
This
question
relates
to
my
feeling
that
D
wasnt
particularly
interested
in
doing
a
sitting
in
(name
of
an
aboriginal
village)
but
came
and
has
done
his
job
well.
I
understand
that
these
meetings
might
want
to
COME
OUT
(of
the
closet,
haha).
This
is
such
a
shared
sentiment.
People
use
the
expression
all
the
time
and
that
knowing
seems
to
bring
them
peace
(about
the
event).
So
how
is
it
the
pre-
determination
and
free
will?
A:
You
need
to
read
the
book
with
anything
that
can
happen
does
happen
phrase
to
give
me
a
way
to
transfer
meaning.
Q:
Really?
I
need
to
read
that
book?
A:
For
sure.
For
a
diagram
too.
Also
the
phrase
you
photographed:
From
anything
to
anything
in
no
time.
is
funnily
relevant
here.
Each
moment
(and
there
is
only
this
moment)
contains
infinite
opportunities
for
infinite
number
of
outcomes,
depending
on
the
choices.
Q:
How
about
the
pre-determination?
A:
After
you
read
the
book.
Q:
Ok,
so
that
friend
of
mine
H
that
was
disconnected
from
last
Saturday
has
posted
a
photo
for
me
its
a
scribble
on
the
wall
a
small
poem
about
metamorphosis.
So
although
I
find
these
co-incidences
cute,
at
the
same
time
I
sometimes
wonder
whether
we
are
really
living
our
lives
free
enough.
A:
You
feel
like
you
dont
have
a
choice?
Q:
No,
I
am
more
convinced
within
myself
that
I
have
a
choice
now
than
anytime
before.
I
just
wonder
how
all
these
co-incidences
are
managed?
A:
First
and
perhaps
most
important:
The
girl
loves
you
and
wanted
to
show
you
support.
And
she
did
and
you
feel
comforted.
Why
did
she
pick
a
poem
with
the
theme
of
what
you
are
going
through
now?
Well,
you
know
everyone/thing
is
interconnected.
You
can
have
CHOICE
in
a
NON-RANDOM
universe.
(Return
here
after
reading
the
book
of
that
physicist.)
Q:
Why
do
people
have
different
skills
(if
they
all
posses
the
intelligence
of
the
universe)?
Also
relates
to
the
statement
Everyone
can
access
that
knowing
and
increase
their
Loving.
ENQUIRY
NOTEBOOK
3
Q:
Why
isnt
D
calling
me?
(I
mean
emailing
me?)
Isnt
he
going
to
help
me?
A:
I
dont
know.
He
needs
to
make
a
choice.
Q:
What
is
he
doing?
I
sense
an
upsetting
image
of
him
sitting
on
his
stone
meditating
while
I
am
fidgeting
here
and
one
moment
I
am
like
this
is
so
great
and
next
moment
why
didnt
I
die
when
I
had
a
chance!!!
and
not
even
that
would
solve
anything.
A:
I
totally
agree.
Death
doesnt
decide
anything
whatsoever,
only
the
choice
does.
Q:
What
is
then
death
for?
Really
those
other
dimensions?
What
if
I
question
the
premise
of
dimensions?
Then
where
would
death
lead
us?
A:
Extremely
impressive
set
of
questions!!!
I
will
answer
later,
when
you
Love
more.
A:
Why
are
you
so
eager
to
be
in
contact
with
D?
Q:
Well,
to
share
the
burden
of
you,
of
course.
A:
So
I
am
a
burden
now.
Q:
If
you
even
exist.
A:
Precisely,
stay
with
it
for
a
while.
Why
do
you
want
to
share?
Q:
I
dont
even
want
him
to
help
me
(I
cannot
quite
see
how
he
would
at
this
point)
but
I
have
no-one
to
speak
about
this
with.
I
am
not
being
really
authentic.
I
double
life
almost.
I
make
breakfast
(need
to
get
back
to
that
actually),
talk,
clean,
and
write
this.
Feels
like.
Oh,
this
is
an
amazing
secret
but
at
the
same
time
it
needs
to
come
out.
I
need
it
to
come
out.
Even
if
this
book
wouldnt
go
anywhere,
I
still
would
need
to
tell
my
people
that
I
got
a
bit
bonkers
and
spent
some
time
writing
about
Everyone/thing
(you
know,
not
necessarily
the
details,
but
the
essence
of
the
experience).
Now,
I
am
still
ok
still
like
you
can
keep
a
fresh
secret.
But
not
too
long,
then
you
become
FAKE.
A:
Define
FAKE.
Q:
FAKE
is
when
you
do
not
EXPRESS
your
true
nature.
It
is
the
opposite
of
authenticity,
or
in
my
favorite
AA
language
rigorous
honesty.
A:
A:
So
you
have
been
having
this
pull
to
follow
Ds
guidance
and
look
up
Lucifer
on
Wikipedia.
Q:
Thats
what
he
emailed
me
so
I
take
it
seriously,
he
must
know
something
about
Wikipedia
that
I
dont.
A:
But
you
looked
up
the
xlottery
winners
instead.
Q:
Yes!!
I
thought
the
draw
is
approaching
around
this
time,
but
it
was
a
week
earlier!!!
A:
You
are
letting
that
C
down
again.
Q:
Quite
so,
you
havent
seen
(name
of
the
short
movie)
nor
C
for
that
matter.
Also,
my
own
account
reached
hundreds
(rather
than
thousands)
and
with
my
lab
performance
this
week,
I
wonder
how
this
enquiry
will
continue.
A:
I
see
two
things
in
there.
You
didnt
give
C
any
choice
(not
even
mentally).
What
if
he
doesnt
give
a
fuck
about
YOUR
money?
Q:
It
did
occur
to
me.
That
he
would
definitely
prefer
to
deal
with
real
investors
found
through
standard
channels
than
to
owe
something
to
anyone
even
lottery.
A:
Exactly.
Q:
Also,
it
occurred
to
me
that
I
will
also
have
to
use
the
standard
channels
for
a
financial
injection.
A:
Aahyour
parents?
But
thats
ok,
they
are
counting
with
it,
they
have
a
special
column
with
your
name
on
it
in
their
financial
planner
for
the
past
35
yearsmetaphorically
speaking
(well
the
number
of
years
is
not
metaphorical).
Q:
Shut
up
A:
So
why
does
it
bother
you
to
take
from
your
parents
but
you
would
find
it
easy
to
accept
money
from
the
lottery?
Q:
When
money
changes
hands
between
my
parents
and
me,
then
you
know:
they
have
less
(and
I
have
more
but
not
for
long).
A:
Only
if
them
and
you
are
separate.
If
you
recognize
yourself
as
the
entire
universe,
you
are
always
giving
to
Self
and
both
giving
and
receiving
becomes
natural.
Giving
then
is
usually
perceived
as
joyful,
as
you
are
helping
yourSelf.
Q:
This
is
now
quite
studied
the
science
of
giving
(the
effect
on
you
as
a
person/individual)
and
the
re-distribution
of
resources
being
in
the
long
run
beneficial
to
all.
There
are
books
about
this,
lets
move
on.
A:
Bored
again!!
Q:
Lets
pick
up
the
term
natural.
What
do
you
mean
by
that?
A:
As
occurring
in
nature.
Self
sustaining
without
the
NECESSITY
of
CHOICE/free
will.
The
effortless
flow
of
death
and
re-birth
by
(prior)
implicit
agreement
without
further
alteration
by
free
will.
Q:
So
nature,
in
nature
no
free
will
because
its
already
perfect.
A:
No,
its
the
same
mixture
of
aspects
as
the
entire
universe.
Q:
Because
it
is
somehow
(weirdly)
already
included/loved?
A:
Not
really,
lets
return
to
this
later,
when
you
remember
more.
Tell
me
why
your
money
doesnt
last
long.
Q:
Well,
I
throw
it
around.
ESSENCE
Archetypal
quality
Combination
of
all
the
aspects/angles
in
Q:
Why
are
you
so
disorganized?
I
mean
why
arent
the
ideas
organized
a
bit
more
sensibly.
A:
Why
would
you
need
order?
Are
you
writing
a
textbook
to
be
studied
and
memorized?
Q:
Funny
you
should
say
that,
as
I
had
this
observation
that
although
I
start
to
remember
I
dont
really
feel
much
cleverer.
A:
Not
to
me
neither.
Q:
Thanks
man.
But
there
is
a
difference.
A:
Try
to
say
it
explicitly
here.
Q:
Its
like
I
trust
myself
more
with
the
choices.
You
know,
not
in
a
sense
that
I
would
see
the
consequences
clearly
(as
I
assumed
for
pre-cognition),
more
like
its
easier
to
make
the
choice
no
matter
the
consequences.
Like
I
know/feel
strongly
which
choice
I
want
to
make.
Awkwardly
though,
sometimes
I
need
to
wait
to
make
that
choice.
I
see
clearly
I
want
to
make
the
choice
YES
for
example
(YES
to
going
through
with
this
book)
but
I
cant
yet.
Like
I
might
not
be
able
to
make
that
choice
ever,
but
I
am
trying.
A:
How
are
you
trying?
Q:
There
are
all
these
fears:
that
people
around
me
will
be
HURT
in
a
way.
You
know,
that
my
son
will
be
on
the
spot.
He
now
has
such
close
friends
well
close
in
the
geek
kind
of
way.
And
what
if
then
it
will
be
Hey
thats
him
whose
mother
talks
to
she
doesnt
know
what/whom.
A:
No!!!
I
think
you
underestimate
todays
teenagers.
Q:
So
what
do
you
think
they
would
say?
A:
Ohh
the
one
whose
mother
speaks
to
herSelf.
Perfectly
correct.
Q:
I
would
press
you
more
on
the
precise
exact
definition
of
Self
as
you
started
to
use
it
today,
but
I
am
still
worried
about
my
son.
A:
Well,
I
cannot
re-assure
you
that
it
wont
happen.
Q:
I
cant
have
that.
I
need
my
son.
I
need
him
to
be
happy
thats
natural!!
He
is
perfect
you
know,
everything
he
does
and
says,
dont
stop
me
here
with
some
balls
spinning,
aspects
A:
I
was
about
to
say
that
that
carpet
is
still
not
very
vacuumed.
Not
at
all.
But
what
is
two
weeks
in
a
time-less
universe
Q:
So
in
the
morning
train
to
work,
I
realized
that
I
am
challenged
to
loose
my
father
and
my
son.
Q:
If
there
is
only
the
(holy)
Spirit
then
what
happened
to
the
Father
and
the
Son?
A:
First,
I
am
glad
you
put
the
HOLY
into
brackets.
The
Spirit
is
not
holy
at
all,
but
whole.
You
might
even
start
writing
spirit
with
the
small
s.
As
that
small
s,
the
red
ink
with
which
you
are
writing
this,
your
hand
and
your
eyes
staring
with
horror
are
all
of
that
spirit.
Everyone/thing
is
of
that
spirit.
Q:
Why
didnt
we
put
the
usual
IS(becoming)
of
the
spirit?
A:
IS
of
spirit
BECOMING
through
the
Loving
principle.
BECOMING
recognized
and
unified
in
Loving.
Q:
Where
are
the
father
and
the
son?
A:
Son
is
the
Loving
principle.
(Yes,
thats
why
your
soul
loves
Jesus,
as
you
so
often
loudly
shouted
at
me.)
Q:
I
see
something
difficult
coming
through
about
the
Father.
A:
Father
is
a
separation
of
spirit.
The
Light
of
the
spirit.
Q:
Yes,
thats
definitely
how
I
used
to
see
my
God.
Pure
Light.
So
if
Jesus
is
the
embodiment
of
the
Loving
principle,
why
did
he
prefer
Father
over
the
other
one
(the
excluded
part).
A:
Q:
Ok.
So
new/different
question.
Why
didnt
Jesus
put
through
the
concept
of
unification?
A:
Jesuss
central
message
was
LOVE.
Q:
LOVE.
Couple
thousand
years.
LOVE
ALL???
A:
The
time
is
not
important
at
all.
The
readiness
is.
Its
like
you
were
taking
the
train
to
lab
this
morning
and
were
thinking
why
dont
you
see
the
bloody
auras.
That
was
for
you
a
medic
a
skill
of
interest
to
sort
of
not
waste
time
and
quickly
assess
what
is
wrong
with
whom.
But
then
it
occurred
to
you
that
energetic
body
is
still
an
illusion.
That
if
you
open
yourself
up
to
the
idea
that
everything
is
ENERGY,
than
you
might
start
seeing
mirroring
of
this
belief
in
your
reality.
It
of
course
requires
removing
a
certain
layer
of
conditioning
in
your
hardcore
physical
reality
and
in
your
new
achieved
layer
of
reality
this
perception
is
true.
So
how
much
you
allow
your
mind
to
wonder
(or
what
proportions
of
ANY
ideas
you
exclude)
and
how
much
your
heart
is
open
(how
much
it
TRIES
to
embrace
we
will
come
to
this
point
later)
determines
how
ready
you
are.
Q:
Ready
for
what?
A:
Ready
to
experience,
RECOGNIZE
and
CHOOSE
TO
LOVE
your
true
nature
in
its
ENTIRETY.
AS
IS.
Q:
So
the
implication
here
is
that
we
now
in
this
blessed
year
of
20xx
are
suddenly
ready?
A:
There
has
been
a
huge
shift
in
consciousness
on
the
planet
as
your
esoteric/new
age
texts
might
say.
We
are
talking
women
rights,
racial
equality,
sexual
liberation,
billionaires
initiatives
as
Bill
Gates.
Q:
So
you
dont
mean
that
more
people
meditate
now?
A:
What
I
mean
foremost
is
that
recognition
HE/SHE
IS
THE
SAME
AS
ME.
That
leads
to
Loving.
But
the
Loving
here
is
a
conscious
aware
choice,
as
to
come
to
that
recognition
of
being
the
same,
you
really
need
to
ponder/contemplate
the
essence
of
the
person(s)
carrying
those
previously
rejected
aspects.
In
that
sense
globalization
is
not
an
individual
identity-stripping
disaster
but
a
BLESSING
an
enquiry-promoting
trend.
Not
only
you
find
yourself
living
next
door
to
or
working
with
people
of
various
ethnicities,
religions,
sexual
orientation
etc.
but
you
can
experience
different
cultures
and
those
aspects
you
are
excluding
via
virtual
reality
(here
I
mean
reality
shared
via
mass
media
and
games).
Q:
What
is
Manifestation
and
what
is
Essence?
I
mean
if
everything
is
of
spirit
BECOMING
via
the
Loving
principle,
then
what
is
all
this
terminology?
Also,
if
you
are
at
it,
you
can
also
elaborate
on
SOURCE
and
ASPECTS.
A:
Q:
You
know,
now
when
we
covered
that
there
is
only
the
whole
spirit,
I
am
in
a
bit
of
a
conundrum.
You
know
how
I
have
been
pondering
the
whole
day
in
lab
and
now
on
the
train
back
home
all
these
sensations
about
what
is
going
to
occur
if
I
go
through
with
this
(yes
we
are
waiting
for
my
explicit
YES).
I
am
not
a
big
fan
of
precognition
but
it
wouldnt
take
Sibylla
to
imagine.
I
was
thinking
of
my
father
-
who
once
expressed
a
sentiment
that
he
is
sad
that
our
family
name
is
not
carried
on
as
if
I
was
unmarried
it
would
by
on
my
publications
how
he
might
feel
actually
grateful
that
we
dont
have
the
same
name
anymore
(yes,
I
noticed
both
names
have
the
same
essence).
He
loves
his
extended
family
and
we
are
talking
hardcore
Catholic.
So
here
I
am
SOAKING
in
the
self-pity
and
that
word
always
brings
to
mind
AA
(you
know
the
Promises).
So
I
am
like:
HAND
IT
OVER.
But
then
the
horror:
TO
WHOM?
A:
Well,
put
yourself
in
Jesus
(hands).
If
that
helps.
I
am
sorry.
Q:
Well,
and
as
I
was
mentioning
my
pubs,
it
didnt
escape
my
attention
how
I
always
suffered
from
the
feeling
of
being
wrongly
credited
well
you
see
all
my
papers
are
co-authored
and
I
concluded
I
attract
credit
problem.
And
now
I
sensed
that
these
writings
are
coming
out
ONLY
with
my
REAL
name
on
them.
Thats
a
bummer.
I
enjoy
this
transfer
of
meaning
(those
diagrams-
I
am
really
impressed!)
but
I
would
like
to
put
it
on
D
you
know,
shaman,
fittingly
traditional
devil-worshiper.
Why
arent
you
allowing
me
at
least
CO-AUTHORS?
A:
You
complained
before
Q:
Seriously.
A:
Because
it
is
a
matter
of
CHOICE
to
fully
own
this
material.
Q:
In
its
entirety
I
am
afraid.
A:
Reminds
me
of
your
favorite
book
quote/title:
You
can
choose
to
feel
the
fear
but
do
it
anyway!!!
Q:
So
why
are
we
talking
about
me
all
the
time?
You
know
the
label
narcissistic.
A:
Because
you
*
recognize
and
can
make
a
choice
to
include/love
only
from
your
own
experiences.
You
cant
recognize
from
anyone
elses
experiences.
Experience
is
only
formed
by
your
nature
of
personal
reality.
As
in
the
saying
no
two
people
have
the
same
experience.
Since
no
two
people
hold
the
precisely
matching
sets
of
core
beliefs
(they
are
not
conditioned
in
exactly
the
same
way)
their
experience
will
always
differ.
Q:
Ok.
So
if
everyone
can
learn
or
recognize
only
from
his/her
own
experience,
why
are
we
wasting
time
here?
(I
took
a
taxi
to
be
home
faster.
Well
also
I
was
shaking
from
some
of
those
concepts
discussed
earlier.)
A:
We
are
helping
people
(who
are
willing)
to
remember.
Q:
So
how
does
that
work?
(I
still
dont
understand
that
drumming
initiation,
but
wouldnt
really
wish
it
on
anyone.)
A:
You
know
how
you
drew
a
line
between
remembering
and
experiencing.
And
that
line
was
a
dotted
line.
The
conditioning
is
never
absolute
or
somehow
complete.
You
cant
really
be
completely
cut
off
from
your
soul/spirit/true
nature
by
forgetting.
Your
spirits
memory
is
only
more
or
less
obscured
as
we
discussed
earlier.
Now
this
memory
can
be
triggered
and
is
triggered
in
every
single
individual
during
each
lifetime
(in
the
language
of
successive
incarnations).
Those
are
the
events
when
you
recognize
the
essence
of
a
person
or
situation
without
enough
EVIDENCE
from
your
personal
reality
(the
reality
you
chose
to
inhabit
for
most
readers
the
hardcore
physical
world).
The
How
do
I
know
this?
moments.
Its
not
only
the
how
do
I
know
that
bothers
you
in
that
instance,
but
the
unreasonable,
illogical
conviction
of
the
validity
of
such
recognition.
Conviction
here
not
as
a
new
belief
but
an
inner
decision
to
pay
attention
to
that
information/sensation
or
even
follow
the
promptings.
Q:
So
the
more
you
remember,
the
better
it
gets?
A:
Well,
I
dont
like
you
using
attributes
like
better.
These
rememberings
open
some
space
for
enquiry.
Enquiring
person
is
a
blessed
person.
You
yourself
experienced
some
pretty
bizarre
occurrences.
Like
when
you
were
experimenting
and
reading
that
photograph
of
a
famous
person
whose
identity
you
covered
and
you
asked
her
what
she
is
known
for.
Q:
Yes.
And
she
said
(within
me)
she
is
known
for
killing
people
also
with
her
gorilla.
So
I
was
thinking
such
a
pretty
lady,
surely
she
didnt
kill
anyone,
more
likely
she
is
one
of
those
ladies
so
dedicated
to
apes.
But
then
I
asked
whether
she
has
any
regrets.
And
she
said
she
misses
that
period
of
killing
people.
So
I
was
like
Aha,
right,
cool
with
your
gorilla
I
assume.
And
she
was
like
YES
YES.
So
I
thought
being
crazy
is
rather
fun
and
I
looked
at
the
named
and
googled
Nancy
Wake.
A:
And
what
did
you
make
of
it?
Q:
That
I
am
not
getting
any
precise
information!!
So
not
good
enough.
A:
Attribute.
But
it
lifted
in
your
own
language
the
veil
of
logical
mind.
It
was
many
events
like
this
that
you
paid
attention
to
that
did
the
lifting.
At
one
point
you
decided
to
pay
attention
to
information
or
perception
REGARDLESS
whether
or
NOT
it
is
LOGICAL
according
to
the
laws
of
your
at
that
time
hardcore
physical
reality.
But
you
didnt
just
accept
any
information/perception
from
either
category
(LOGICAL
or
OTHER).
As
a
molecular
biologist
who
looks
at
each
new
piece
of
evidence
(and
you
guys
call
that
stuff
data)
as
potentially
true
and
to
be
confirmed
via
further
enquiry/experimentation
and
replication
-
you
wanted
your
spiritual
experiences
triplicated
to
be
able
to
calculate
significance
and
error.
Q:
But
they
never
were!!
I
mean
a
particular
experience
was
never
triplicated.
Photographs
didnt
speak
with
precise
correct
details,
you
(which
at
one
point
I
thought
might
be
a
spirit
guy,
but
NOT-FROM-THE-LIGHT
one)
never
gave
me
any
consistent
tell
or
sign,
most
of
the
precognitive
hunches
I
couldnt
validate
and
I
often
felt
it
anyway
wasnt
(mostly)
any
of
my
business
and
so
on.
No
consistency.
A:
So
why
didnt
you
quit?
Because
you
believed?
You
had
faith?
Q:
You
mean
if
I
had
faith
that
a
photograph
should
give
a
precise
name,
country
of
birth
etc.?
Or
if
I
had
strong
faith
that
you
as
a
spirit
guide
should
be
able
to
consistently
tickle
my
right
nostril
when
you
appear
in
my
awareness?
A:
Why
didnt
you
quit?
Q:
Because
it
was
fun.
Adventure.
Sort
of
after-work
pastime.
Lonely
weekends
you
know
I
thought
it
is
as
unsafe
as
anything
else
in
life.
And
then
there
was
the
main
thing.
A:
??
Q:
The
state
of
grace
in
meditation.
Experiencing,
as
you
say
MILKING
the
experience
of
spinning
your
balls
and
the
resentments,
sadness,
victimhood,
all
that
falling
away.
I
thought
that
is
the
connection
with
Source.
My
God
you
know.
Just
not
being
in
conflict
with
anyone,
anything,
with
myself.
A:
Beautiful.
When
you
are
Loving
Q:
Ok,
this
is
a
compliment,
but
undeserved
I
must
say.
If
you
look
at
my
external
life,
and
exclude
(SORRY!!)
my
son,
I
couldnt
possibly
be
considered
a
very
loving
person.
About
3,
on
the
scale
of
0-10.
A:
Tell
me
about
it.
Q:
Dont
you
know?
A:
From
YOUR
EXPERIENCE.
Q:
So,
I
have
very
few
close
friendships,
only
like
one
on
one
affairs
which
go
on
and
on
for
years,
all
women,
we
talk
and
talk.
Apart
from
that
I
am
pretty
introverted
person
or
unfriendly
is
another
term
you
know,
the
one
that
wears
earphones.
A:
Romantic
love?
Q:
In
the
terms
of
hardcore
physical
reality
non-existent
recently.
And
the
people
I
have
been
with
well
that
was
really
not
unconditional
love
from
my
side.
1
on
the
scale
from
0
to
10.
But
what
really
bothers
me
the
most
is
not
the
quantity
of
people,
but
the
lack
of
outward
expression.
Most
of
the
people
that
I
love
now
(e.g.
my
current
micromanaging
boss,
god
bless
him,
or
some
people
I
just
saw
regularly
in
AA
meetings
-
like
the
old
George
or
the
troubled
Gee)
they
dont
have
a
clue
of
course.
And
I
dont
express
love
too
much
physically
or
through
words,
not
even
Q;
The
design.
I
was
pondering
all
of
those
experiences
in
the
past
few
years,
and
how
they
led
me
to
what
you
call
recognition.
To
be
honest,
I
was
more
feeling
terribly
sorry
for
all
those
people
involved
in
my
life,
and
I
am
devising
a
special
meditation
to
apologize
to
them
properly
for
all
the
fuss.
These
are
all
beautiful
people
who
are
going
to
hate
my
guts.
A:
Well.
I
agree
that
these
are
all
beautiful
people
(as
all
people
have
this
aspect
within
them).
Some
of
them
might
hate
your
guts.
Some
of
them
might
join
you
in
Loving
ALL
that
IS
(becoming).
Their
choice.
Now,
if
not
meeting
these
people,
you
would
have
an
opportunity
to
come
to
your
recognition
in
a
different
way
(see
infinite
sequence
of
opportunities).
Q:
So
I
want
to
talk
about
closed
heart
now.
It
looks
like
that
when
you
have
those
moments
(what
lets
speak
realistic
human
experience
weeks,
months!!!)
when
you
find
yourself
expressing
Loving
much
less
than
you
yourself
would
wish,
is
that
NOT
a
closed
heart?
A:
Closed
heart
is
one
that
includes
very
little.
No
matter
how
hot
your
passion
might
be,
if
you
exclude
much
more
than
include,
then
the
heart
is
closed.
Passion
arises
towards
selected
aspects
of
what
you
perceive
as
object
of
your
Loving
(e.g.
toward
the
Light
of
your
religious
leader
or
toward
the
beauty,
sexiness
and
wit
of
your
new
lover).
If
you
start
experiencing
your
religious
leader
or
new
lover
more
fully,
you
wont
fail
to
notice
that
they
too
express
also
different
aspects
(the
darker
ones,
or
just
plain
boring
to
be
honest).
Q:
You
know
I
was
thinking
about
Jesus
as
the
embodiment
of
the
Loving
principle.
I
love
him
and
all
those
stories.
But
those
things
I
recall
from
my
catholic
phase
as
depicted
as
causing
him
pain
I
dont
really
see
it.
I
think
he
must
have
been
thinking
more
of
his
own
Mum
and
how
she
is
feeling
while
on
the
cross.
Also,
he
must
have
sensed
that
the
teachings
will
cause
havoc
(even
though
its
LOVE);
it
was
getting
pretty
turbulent
around
him
towards
the
end.
Sothe
loss
of
peace.
A:
But
there
was
no
peace.
IN
or
OUT
at
those
times.
Q:
But
still.
Couldnt
he
choose
a
softer
way?
A:
What
would
you
recommend?
Q:
A
nice
set
of
books
distributed
out
of
a
quiet
monastery.
Mother
happy.
Jesus
praying
and
healing
in
peace.
But
that
is
not
all.
What
bothers
me
most
is
what
happened
afterwards.
You
know
I
dont
appreciate
that
sarcasm
you
use
when
mentioning
things
Christian.
I
love
Christian
church,
the
choir,
the
readings,
the
ceremony,
everyone
nicely
dressed
not
to
say
the
least.
But
I
am
not
sure
whether
it
has
been
an
appropriate
vehicle
for
the
teachings
of
Love.
A:
If
you
dont
want
any
more
of
my
sarcasm,
then
lets
stay
with
the
embodiment
of
the
Loving
principle.
I
think
you
dont
give
enough
credit
to
Jesus.
During
his
teachings,
he
used
some
dramatic
measures
not
respecting
the
laws
of
your
hardcore
physical
reality
(as
raising
the
dead,
the
water
walk,
etc.)
and
his
very
powerful
story
excites
emotions
that
might
act
as
heart
opening
aspects
(and
allow
remembering).Those
times
had
a
very
low
speed
of
a
though
form
or
idea
throughout
the
planet,
so
he
used
those
physical
events
(miracles)
as
a
carrier
for
the
though
forms
of
his
message.
If
you
look
at
his
deeds
(his
physical
actions)
and
you
Ika,
you
really
should
re-read
your
Bible
you
would
recognize
Jesus
IN
HIS
DEEDS
as
a
Loving
principle
LOVE
ALL.
However,
his
thought
form
message
has
been
carried
on
as
LOVE.
The
message
of
LOVE,
if
we
equate
it
to
Love
what
is
Light,
is
a
message
of
exclusion,
and
as
such
has
been
forwarded
on
by
Christian
church.
Q:
Ok,
I
see
a
discrepancy
here.
LOVE
ALL
but
Christian
church.
A:
You
caught
me
with
my
butt
naked
(or
whatever
terrible
thing
might
happen
on
Earth).
I
will
explain.
The
Church
represents
the
ESSENCE
of
separation.
If
I
LOVE
ALL,
this
ESSENCE
ceases
to
exist
in
the
UNIVERSE.
The
IS
that
is
becoming
will
reach
the
IS.
Q:
Ok,
I
had
to
go
relieve
myself.
I
am
speechless.
Please
continue.
A:
As
above,
so
below.
The
scale
is
irrelevant.
Q:
Cannot
IS
just
stay
put
as
IS?
Why
must
it
burst
and
re-assemble?
A:
Read
the
big
bang
physics,
we
dont
have
a
language
for
this
now.
A:
If
you
include
everyone/thing
that
in
your
language
was,
is
and
will
be
by
Loving
into
Love
imagine
that
like
putting
all
your
universe
list
into
a
tiny
little
point
into
your
heart
-
the
time
and
space
cease
to
exist.
The
job
by
Loving
is
done.
IS=LOVE
without
time
and
space.
Q:
Ok,
I
cant
breath
now.
So
I
see
that
by
the
burst
LOVE
gets
fragmented
by
time
and
by
space
(I
should
read
physics
books
to
give
some
data
here).
A:
Lets
finish
before
you
start
to
look
them
up
Q:
I
recognize
the
ESSENCE
of
mad
laugh.
Not
nice.
A:
Focus.
Q:
So
why
does
LOVE
need
or
want
or
choose
to
be
separated
again?
A:
You
drew
a
good
graph.
(I
know
you
are
always
criticized
your
figures
are
not
precise
enough
so
this
one
is).
How
do
you
perceive
IS?
Q:
Well,
as
a
dot.
It
is
a
point
of
separation.
A:
Right.
What
would
happen
if
you
shrank
the
tiniest
point
possible
further?
Q:
Non-existence.
LOVE/IS
MUST
burst
to
continue
to
exist.
Non-existence
is
not
an
option?
A:
I
dont
want
to
answer
that
now.
Q:
NOW
So
after
this
talk
I
can
imagine
NOW
as
that
point
where
everything/one
that
was,
is
and
will
be
IS
unified!!
As
a
dot.
But
I
know
for
sure
that
personally
I
am
definitely
BECOMING
(job
undone).
So
I
am
not
in
the
NOW?
A:
NOW
IS
LOVE
IS
LOVE
NOW
LOVE
IS
NOW
IS
NOW
LOVE
Q:
Amazing.
I
love
to
become
puzzled
by
love
puzzles.
(Not
as
good
as
yours,
but
I
tried.)
What
about
Becoming?
Does
that
mean
that
I
am
basically
all
over
the
place
(and
time)?
A:
Yes.
But
Loving
ALL
the
way
to
NOW.
Haha!
Q:
Stop
it!
A:
When
you
are
becoming,
there
is
no
perfect
state
of
NOW
as
described
by
E.
Tolle.
However,
that
is
the
focus
of
your
INTENTION.
NOW
is
the
tree
near
which
you
see
yourself
standing.
Mindfulness
practice
is
allowing
you
to
really
get
into
your
experience,
recognize
and
choose
to
love.
It
is
not
bashing
yourself
up
for
not
being
constantly
in
the
now.
When
you
are
in
your
experience,
you
throw
it
around
within
and
inspect
the
past
and
the
possible
futures
(usually
of
all
the
players).
Stay
with
it.
*
Dont
rush
back
into
labeling
eppendorfs
with
your
full
attention.
Allow
yourself
to
ponder
how
E
must
have
felt
when
that
beautiful
lady
of
his
left
and
you
did
that
sad
number
on
him.
You
really
get
into
E
and
try
on
how
you
imagine
he
might
be
feeling:
Ohh
these
eppendorfs
make
no
sense
when
she
(Es
real
girlfriend)
is
gone,
the
worst
Christmas
of
my
life.
This
whole
experiment
doesnt
make
any
sense,
what
was
I
thinking?
Ohh
those
beautiful
skinny
legs,
my
whole
life
is
useless,
etc.
Q:
I
think
that
description
is
not
accurate.
That
was
not
funny
at
all.
It
was
the
ESSENCE
of
grief.
Also,
I
felt
guilty.
Then
that
it
is
stupid
and
sort
of
narcissistic
to
feel
guilty
for
the
choices
of
others.
Then
again
guilty.
But
that
weird
grief
from
the
imagining.
I
am
sorry.
A:
I
know.
Very
sorry.
You
spent
quite
some
time
in
that
place.
Not
very
much
in
the
present
moment
focused
on
your
breath,
your
hands
labeling
eppendorfs,
with
none
thoughts
and
stable
emotions.
Q:
I
had
so
much
good
time
today
when
writing,
you
know
especially
that
part
of
IS
becoming
IS.
Thank
you,
I
was
really
interested.
A:
Yes,
I
noticed
that
during
few
passages
yesterday,
you
were
like...
boring,
vague,
no
scientific
detail.
Q:
Yeah,
well,
cannot
help
my
true
nature.
But
now,
I
was
thinking
this
cannot
last,
this
BLESSED
state
or
CAN
it?
A:
I
defined
BLESSED
already
few
times
as
in
a
state
of
enquiry.
Q:
So
unless
I
stop
asking
questions
A:
There
will
be
answers.
But
with
QUESTIONS
un-asked
(and
un-answered)
there
are
no
CHOICES
and
no
consequences.
Q:
I
see.
I
think
its
time
to
call
it
a
night.
Q:
Wow,
this
was
not
too
basic.
I
love
those
references
to
the
Nature
of
personal
reality.
You
know,
right
at
the
beginning,
I
hoped
you
are
Seth
or
Seths
brother.
I
am
in
awe
of
you.
I
cant
believe
this
is
really
happening.
A:
I
cant
believe
it
either!
Q:
How
do
you
mean?
That
you
found
me,
a
playful
child,
an
inquisitive
mind?!
A:
I
cant
believe
you
finally
are
pulling
your
shit
together.
I
did
not
need
to
search
for
you
(my
child,
haha).
I
was/am/will
be
always
within
you.
Q:
I
love
this
so
much.
I
want
to
read
all
those
books
on
quantum
physics
now.
I
had
such
a
great
time
going
through
all
those
intuition
and
healing
and
hypnosis
books
last
six
months.
It
was
a
great
ride.
A:
Yeah,
but
I
was
getting
a
bit
worried
there.
Q:
Why?
A:
I
caught
your
thought
that
its
time
to
move
to
hardcore
Sanskrit
and
core
religious
texts
next.
I
thought
Holy
Shit!!
I
must
intervene.
Q:
I
am
not
sure
your
religious
humor
will
go
down
so
well.
A:
Why?
I
will
quote
D:
You
must
be
able
to
laugh
at
everything.
Q:
And
what
is
so
scary
about
the
core
religious
texts?
A:
Nothing
whatsoever.
Only
you
sounded
like
you
plan
to
start
proper
learning
and
stop
exploring.
Its
the
approach
you
take,
the
text
doesnt
matter
whatsoever.
If
you
set
out
to
memorize,
absorb,
describe
and
even
evaluate
(in
a
sense
of
comparing
sets
of
facts
or
extracting
specific
information
from
a
group
of
facts)
you
are
inherently
closed
to
discovery.
You
operate
only
within
your
set
of
facts
(or
truths).
So
whatever
set
of
facts
(or
truths)
I
will
give
you
to
play
with,
you
Ika
would
really
get
into
it,
and
not
only
describe
or
evaluate
your
facts
but
also
ask
questions
about
the
relationships
within
this
given
set,
derive
laws,
principles
(and
then
you
would
proceed
being
bored
with
necessary
replicates
to
express
significance).
If
you
however
never
question
the
nature
of
the
facts
you
are
playing
with,
you
will
be
limited
inside
that
fact
playground.
I
will
therefore
use
DISCOVERY
in
the
sense
of
your
high
standards
accessing
BEYOND
ACCEPTED
CURRENT
REALITY.
Q;
So
now,
it
occurred
to
me
that
you
will
never
help
me
order
these
texts.
That
there
is
no
dictation.
No
order
to
remembering
and
recognition.
Its
a
huge
mess.
There
are
no
two
or
three
books
(I
was
wondering
why
you
are
not
sending
me
back
to
the
previous
topics).
A:
And
I
couldnt
care
less
about
the
titles
for
those
books.
Q:
And
when
you
mentioned
two
books
while
we
were
discussing
the
blessed
Charlie,
that
was
because
that
was
what
I
thought
we
were
doing
at
that
time.
I
was
also
annoyed
that
you
are
not
defining
the
terms
(all
terms)
properly.
A:
But
you
stayed
with
it.
You
just
cant
stop
asking
questions.
Q:
I
am
a
bit
annoyed
about
this
I
and
you.
A:
Me
too.
There
are
only
questions.
Leading
to
answers.
From
which
new
questions
arise.
Recognition
ENQUIRY
NOTEBOOK
4
LOVE
TALK
I
am
so
scared.
I
liked
this
illusion
of
my
Life.
Why
I
am
so
scared
and
so
fucking
sad
if
I
recognized
myself?
If
I
recognized,
then
I
shouldnt
be
becoming
anymore.
I
should
be
at
a
point
of
NOW/IS/LOVE
choosing
to
ask
the
next
question.
I
mean
choosing
to
TEST
myself
in
whichever
playground/illusion.
Isnt
there
any
break
to
be
had?
It
doesnt
need
to
go
out
under
my
name
LOVE
Ika
writes
it
and
sends
it
off
Will
need
to
change
the
names
of
people
or
everything
in
so
that
cant
be
traced
back
to
a
person
No
need
Do
your
Loving
priorities
This
body
cant
hold
much
longer
Hurry
But
wait.
How
come
it
cannot
last
any
longer?
Its
an
illusion.
It
will
last
as
long
as
I
play
it.
Huge
running
around,
perplexing
B
a
little
by
making
sure
he
has
peoples
numbers.
He
hugged
me
(he
does
that
all
the
time)
and
I
have
seen
myself
in
his
eyes.
(Actually
Ika
was
wondering
why
peoples
eyes
are
shining
so
weirdly
suddenly
some
side-effect
of
the
INITIATION
she
concluded.)
I
really
ran
around
frantically
quite
a
bit,
as
I
experienced
that
surely
I
have
conveniently
given
myself
a
heart
problem
(would
fit
beautifully
with
Ikas
medical
records).
Went
to
write
down
a
list
of
my
priorities
as
Ika
write
to
parents,
write
to
sister,
write
a
letter
to
B
and
some
will
haha
to
give
him
those
few
hundred
pounds
I
assume
can
strike
that
out
start
typing
out
the
notebooks
(her
handwriting
is
a
bit
medical
I
suppose,
but
perhaps
rather
email
D
where
are
the
NUMBERED
NOTEBOOKS
But
then
I
recognized
fully
As
in
Ikas
vision
(yeah
D
you
are
one
wild
drummer)
The
men
she
was
running
away
from
and
then
coming
back
toward
they
were
1) MEN
2) EVIL
3) LOVE
There
is
a
part
of
the
vision
she
never
shared.
She
hugged
one
MAN
and
he
hugged
her
back
(plus
some
French
kissing
not
too
long
I
am
afraid)
and
he
said
I
am
coming,
wait,
dont
rush.
And
it
is
a
bit
difficult
to
write
this,
because
I
am
getting
lost
in
my
illusion.
I
FORGET
MYSELF.
I
keep
thinking
about
going
to
hug
B
or
getting
this
stuff
out
to
D.
Then
I
recognize,
what
the
heck
D
an
illusion,
world
an
illusion.
or
WITH
Ika
WITHIN
Ika
I
as
Ika
can
forget
myself
or
block
myself
by
choice.
Always.
D
might
hear
the
call
to
step
up.
He
might
get
an
email
saying
four
notebooks
are
waiting
for
him.
If
he
chooses
to
come
and
pick
them
up.
Then,
he
can
again
use
the
text
in
any
way
he
chooses.
I
will
pull
him,
but
he
is
free
to
choose.
I
have
no
idea
what
happens
next
within
this
illusion.
New
Church?
Joy
of
REMEMBERING,
RECOGNITION?
Nothing?
Very
bad
transcription??
In
Ikas
case,
I
have
one
regret.
Or
better
I
feel
kind
of
sad
for
Ika
in
a
way.
She
wanted
to
write
this
WITH
me
and
she
LOOOVVVEEED
the
DISCOVERY.
But
she
did
not
have
much
sex
in
the
past
few
years.
(Ika
is
saying
strike
that
out,
assholebut
laughing.)
I
make
people
laugh
too.
Not
always.
No,
I
cannot
give
a
proportion
Ika
in
%,
sorry.
Ika
complains
she
should
have
got
this
done
in
three
days.
I
am
fine
to
speak
for
myself.
I
am
perfectly
sane
(in
the
language
of
that
illusion)
and
I
am
CHOOSING
to
meet
me
again
(yes
that
image
of
the
French
kissing
plays
a
role
here,
I
admit)
I
am
actually
pretty
curious
to
explore
what
will
D
do
next
(well
how
much
he
will
choose
to
listen
to
my
call
from
within)
how
the
person(s)
editing
this
text
(if
that
will
occur)
will
choose
to
listen
or
deny
me
how
it
will
all
unfold
EVEN
IF
IT
ALREADY
HAPPENED,
IS
HAPPENING
AND
WILL
HAPPEN
I
DONT
REALLY
KNOW
HOW
FULL
I
CAN
BE
IN
LOVING
UNTIL
I
and
my
ILLUSIONS
TRY.
NEXT
MORNING
From
that
point
onwards
when
Love
was
about
to
fully
recognize
itself,
I
stopped
writing
and
moved
onto
my
Loving
priorities.
This
all
was
from
the
persona
of
almost
fully
recognized
Love.
Wrote
a
short
casual
(kind
but
un-alarming)
message
to
my
parents
and
sister
I
numbered
the
notebooks
and
put
them
together
with
a
letter
for
B
I
changed
the
sheets
on
my
bed
for
clean
ones
In
the
meantime
all
the
time,
I
was
drinking
that
damn
water
(liters)
and
feeling
progressively
more
exhausted,
my
heart
was
hurting
B
was
upstairs
in
his
room
the
entire
day
and
we
were
talking,
making
food
during
the
day,
but
he
conveniently
did
not
want
to
do
anything
more
together
at
this
point
Lastly,
I
had
to
find
the
way
how
to
get
the
notebooks
to
D
without
disturbing
anyone
(I
will
not
describe
my
solution
here)
Then
the
almost
fully
met
Love
wrote
to
D
In
the
meantime
I
was
feeling
worse
and
worse
and
B
came
few
times
to
do
hugging
meditation
(akin
Thich
Nhat
Hanh
- this
is
not
unusual
in
our
home)
But
then
the
almost
Love
became
disgusted
by
the
letter
to
D
(and
the
implications
it
carried)
how
Loving
is
that
to
put
someone
in
such
a
choice,
the
guy
with
a
family,
etc.
(but
this
was
all
perceived
from
the
position
of
almost
fully
met
Love
that
knows
there
are
no
children
and
there
is
no
D,
that
those
are
just
her
AND/IN
different
illusions)
Still
-
this
for
that
LOVE
was
not
Loving
Deleted
the
email,
cancelled
the
arrangement
Then
I
went
to
my
bed
to
lie
down
(with
my
teddy
bear)
and
wait
for
myself
for
all
that
French
kissing
and
then
asking
a
new
question
and
forgetting
The
almost
fully
met
Love
continued
to
talk
and
approaching
its
entirety
It
was
including
the
entire
universe,
with
all
(e.g.
Ikas
feeling
physically
very
bad)
and
was
seeing
itself
with
amusement
and
great
pride
and
compassion
in
Bs
eyes
When
he
was
eating
pizza
and
hugging
Ika
and
asking
Why
needs
everything
to
be
a
meditation?
Ahh
dont
worry,
fuck
meditation.
But
then
as
Ika
was
lying
in
the
bed
and
holding
in
her
sight
everyone
she
consciously
deeply
loved
The
Love
almost
met
realized
that
there
is
one
person
who
is
not
sorted
and
that
is
E
Should
Love
drop
him
a
message?
But
how?
Even
the
most
trivial
message
(like
including
other
friends
and
saying
Guys
when
will
be
burn
steaks
again?)
seemed
too
DRAMATIC
if
Ika
was
subsequently
to
die
This
scenario
of
almost
fully
met
Love
not
wanting
to
take
an
action
that
would
subsequently
be
seen
as
disturbing
(E,
and
also
F,
would
know
Ika
did
care
for
them,
but
they
would
then
have
to
ponder
whether
that
really
was
an
heart
attack
or
something
else,
as
they
were
afraid
once
before)
That
didnt
seem
as
the
entire
realization
From
the
position
of
the
almost
fully
met
Love,
it
would
be
unloving
to
put
anyone
on
the
spot,
not
only
D,
but
also
the
others
in
the
notebooks
(with
real
names
at
that
moment)
Love
that
is
almost
fully
met
is
testing
itself
in
other
illusion,
forgetting
is
part
of
the
test
How
would
Love
test
itself
without
forgetting
Ika
needs
to
die
to
forget
(if
she
still
chooses
to
do
so,
because
that
choice
remains
until
the
final
EMBRACE)
Putting
out
some
KNOWLEDGE
out
there
would
just
compromise
LOVE
testing
itself
(too
much
remembering,
too
much
recognition)
The
important
thing
is
the
LOVING
CHOICES
At
this
point
illusion
of
Ika
and
LOVE
almost
almost
fully
met
stood
up
from
the
bed
packed
her
notebooks
(and
some
other
dream
journals
etc.
with
all
the
PERSONAL
information
and
the
details
of
lives
of
other
people
around
her
or
HER
relationship
towards
them,
HER
dreams
about
them)
All
these
personal
details,
when
LOVE
was
not
so
close
to
itself
NEEDED
TO
BE
REVIELED
FOR
THE
SAKE
OF
AUTHENTICITY
When
Ika
was
just
talking
to
the
whole
spirit
it
was
a
test
for
her
to
reveal
herself
AUTHENTICALLY
to
include
ALL
her
aspects
But
if
Ika
was
indeed
LOVE
almost
fully
met
then
all
the
people
would
be
under
scrutiny
and
that
would
cause
them
lots
of
anguish
(and
choices)
and
that
was
just
NOT
LOVING
These
two
realizations
came
at
once
(similar
times
I
wasnt
writing)
1) LOVE
IS
ONLY
EXPERIENCING
(no
thinking,
no
choices)
no
notebooks
2) THE
ONLY
IMPORTANT
THING
IS
CONSCIOUS
LOVING
CHOICES
LOVE
almost
fully
met/Ika
chose
to
protect
those
people
in
the
notebooks
and
threw
them
away
in
her
dying
state
-
she
went
out
(making
up
in
front
of
B
a
benign
scenario
of
needing
to
urgently
discard
some
female-related
waste)
and
binned
them
outside.
(as
I
am
writing
this
now
H
wants
to
skype
and
I
not
LOVE
almost
fully
met
am
going
to
say
later)
After
chucking
the
notebooks,
the
theme
of
the
natural
love
was
fully
developed
Then
almost
fully
met
Love
/now
starting
to
be
confused
went
and
put
down
from
her
mirror
in
the
bathroom
(ok,
yes,
that
place
of
deep
meditation)
1st:
I
wont
expect
anything
I
wont
reject
anyone/anything
2nd:
I
will
TRY
to
include/love
ALL
confusion
came
out
so
natural
love
that
doesnt
include
ALL,
its
not
all-inclusive
So
what
the
fuck
is
this?
a
NATURAL
CONFUSION
then
Ika/quite
confused
almost
fully
met
Love
went
to
bed
to
FINALLY
meet
herself
very
annoyed
already
fuck
the
void
and
all
the
waiting
for
the
embrace
but
then
strange
occurrence:
the
almost
fully
met
Love
which
at
that
point
was
very
confused
(by
the
missing
all-inclusiveness
that
was
an
INCONSISTENCY)
but
sort
of
believed
to
be
NATURAL
wanted
just
to
EXPERIENCE
through
heart
the
LOVE
for
her
dear
ones
(the
easy
unconditional
effortless
natural
UNSTOPABLE
love)
but
nothing
What?
Well,
do
you
Love
E
now?
I
dont
feel
it
right
now.
What
about
B,
your
son?
Well,
I
dont
feel
it
right
now.
But
what
is
this??
Supposedly
natural
love
should
always
just
naturally
be.
So
what?
This
was
all
just
a
joke??!!!
Fuck
you
SIDEWAYS
and
more.
As
the
man
you
were
embracing
in
your
vision
did
not
have
a
face
(and
when
you
asked
to
see
his
face,
your
got
no
reply)
You
couldnt
really
fully
know
him
LOVE
cannot
be
fully
known
And
if
LOVE
stands
for
IS
then
The
universe
cannot
be
fully
known
At
that
moment
I
grabbed
a
piece
of
paper:
I
cant
fully
know
myself
So
there
is
nothing
to
forget
Not
the
one
you
need
to
bin
your
notebooks
for
or
die.
POWER
of
the
experience
the
driver
of
the
action,
the
I
need
to
do
this
MEANING
of
the
experience
something
that
lingers
even
when
the
power
weakens;
your
personal
truth
at
the
moment
-
perhaps
to
be
further
pondered
and
considered
ALMOST
THERE
ALMOST
there
Truth/Love/Universe
at
your
fingertips
you
are
really
dying
for
it
for
sure
then
the
experience
is
over
you
are
forgetting
the
POWER
of
the
unknowable
LOVE
you
broke
the
illusion
of
your
physical
reality
you
broke
the
illusion
of
your
LOVE
QUEST
and
as
you
know
NOTHING
more
than
before
you
are
free
to
start
a
new
experience
ABSOLUTE
KNOWING/LOVING
WOULD
TAKE
MEANING
FORM
THE
EXPERIENCE
OF
THE
NOW
Step
out
of
that
experience
Meaning
is
being
forgotten
Meaning
is
being
tested
Meaning
is
being
re-acquired
in
a
NEW
experience
But
as
I
broke
the
sense
of
I=Ika
And
I
broke
the
sense
of
my
physical
reality
If
I
perceive
not
only
my
LOVE
QUEST
as
an
illusion,
but
also
my
physical
existence
(that
I
actually
enjoy)
as
an
illusion
too
If
all
truths
derived
from
these
illusions
are
not
absolute
But
need
further
re-testing
in
other
illusion
(and
even
the
personal/partial
truths
are
not
permanent
OR
general)
Then
what
is
there
left
to
do?
Be
free
in
the
moment.
LOVE
Natural
inherently
unconditional
By
choice
striving
to
be
unconditional,
striving
to
include
all
If
that
conscious/aware
love
includes
all
(by
choice)
Then
it
becomes
as
natural
love
(freely
flowing
love
that
is
always
present)
So
these
were
not
real
discrepancies
if
it
comes
to
LOVE
Natural
love
(in
nature,
in
the
sentient
beings
without
free
will)
is
all
accepting,
all
inclusive
How
does
the
consciousness
(because
at
this
point
I
am
sure
it
is
not
Love
going
to
fully
meet
itself)
limit
itself
to
illusions?
What
is
it
supposed
to
achieve
in
each
illusion?
Ikas
life
e.g.:
why
embodiment?
So
Ika
experiences
states
of
limited
consciousness
(as
Ika)
and
expanded
consciousness
(as)
Why
this
alternation
between
the
states?
Why
would
consciousness
limit
itself
into
its
illusions
Run
the
entire
LOVE
QUEST
And
exchange
LOVE
for
consciousness
Why
is
Ika
an
illusion
that
is
now
at
points
open
to
expanded
consciousness?
How
can
other
illusions
also
access
such
expanded
consciousness?
Go
back
to
the
LOVE
analogy.
oh,
no
I
cant
be
CONSCIOUSNESS,
can
I?
in
infinite
variations,
scenarios
and
notebooks
NOT
SURE
ABOUT
THIS
WAIT
if
fully
known
continuation
looses
meaning
Ok,
dear
consciousness
(or
C
for
short).
I
am
back
to
my
limited
state
as
Ika
(and
pretty
much
enjoying
it),
especially
after
that
nasty
trick
you
pulled
at
me
yesterday.
I
understand
that
part
of
it
was
to
point
out
how
meaningless
everything
would
be
if
C
could
really
meet
itself
in
its
entirety
and
there
would
be
nothing
left
to
do.
And
that
there
it
would
be
so
shocked
and
most
likely
disappointed
that
really
that
is
all
that
is
and
immediately
cease
to
exist.
Fine.
If
the
Love
meeting
itself
was
just
a
simulation,
or
analogy,
why
did
we
discuss
love
so
very
much?
----
Ok.
Lets
think
of
this,
what
are
the
main
points
so
far?
That
could
be
of
any
interest
to
us
in
our
human
limited
state.
1. try
to
LOVE
ALL
the
more
aspects
you
include
into
your
Loving,
the
closer
you
are
getting
to
the
Natural
Love.
Ok.
Why
is
natural
love
ideal?
2. ENQUIRE
3. Only
EXPERIENCE
can
carry
meaning
NATURAL
REMEMBERING=EXPERIENCING
Absence
of
recognition
and
need
to
choose
to
include
and
love
All
is
accepted/included,
free
will
is
not
necessary
Actively
consciously
including
in
Love
(Loving)
is
a
doorway
to
expanded
consciousness
(or
to
consciousness
recognizing
its
larger
portion
but
not
fully)
The
LARGER
(more
expanded)
the
consciousness,
the
more
NATURAL
(unconditional)
Loving
But
animals
do
not
have
very
expanded
consciousness,
do
they?
(e.g.
our
bulldog
Be,
definitely
unexpanded)
Note
added
during
typing,
after
finishing
most
of
the
NOTEBOOK
5:
I
have
looked
through
what
is
still
left
to
be
typed,
and
well,
I
find
the
waking
part
not
only
difficult
to
come
back
to
but
also
not
so
coherent
and
pretty
repetitive
-until
the
middle
of
the
notebook
5
the
neutrality
my
favorite
part.
Isnt
it
better
to
skip
straight
to
Neutrality?
Well,
the
waking
and
neutrality
part
contain
experience-based
recognition
(un-
separable
from
the
experience
from
thoughts
and
feelings
at
the
moment
of
writing).
Readers
can
skip,
but
Ika
needs
to
record
the
experience
exactly
as
it
was,
even
if
the
concepts
are
appearing
as
contradictory
at
times
or
repetitive.
There
is
no
saying
I
should
have
experienced
this
in
a
more
coherent
way.
And
what
-
be
like
Gladwell,
god
bless
him,
milking
each
idea
until
it
sinks
deep.
Did
it
already
sink
deep
for
Ika?
Cant
type
fast
without
my
middle
fingers.
Note
added
during
final
reading:
I
have
added
titles
(or
better
mostly
used
the
first
line
of
the
text
as
a
title)
to
the
pages
of
NOTEBOOK4
but
left
the
text
unaltered
as
in
a
paper
notebook.
THE
UNCOMFORTABLE
STATE
The
more
I
expand
my
C,
the
more
C
I
recognize
WITHIN
me,
the
more
I
loose
Ika
(I
die
as
Ika)
Then
I
have
a
very
difficult
choice
do
I
want
to
be
in
this
expanded
state
or
do
I
want
to
be
Ika
(and
close
the
expansion
by
fully
immersing
myself
into
my
current
reality/illusion).
This
CHOICE
is
very
uncomfortable.
Animals,
plants
dont
have
this
choice
and
they
are
comfortable
in
their
illusion,
they
are
fully
accepting
the
illusion
of
their
existence
and
surroundings.
LOVE
IS
NOT
DIFFERENT
TERM
FROM
CONSCIOUSNESS,
BUT
CONSCIOUSNESS
IS
THE
CORRECT
WORD
UNCONDITIONAL
LOVING=UNCONDITIONED
CONSCIOUSNESS
ALL
ENCOMPASSING
ALL
accepting/un-questioning
Flowing
freely
Without
the
necessity
of
choice
THE
REASON
FOR
THIS
TEXT
The
more
you
understand
that
you
are
the
entire
C
(the
more
you
step
out
of
your
illusion)
the
more
natural
Love
the
easier
is
to
include
ALL
in
your
Loving
If
I
am
pain
I
can
love
pain
If
I
am
alcoholic
I
can
love
alcoholic
If
I
am
I
can
love
EXPANDING
YOUR
LOVING
AND
EXPANDING
C
IS
THE
SAME
PROCESS
Love
going
to
fully
meet
itself
~
C
going
to
fully
meet
C
Does
want
to
chuck
its
illusions?
Does
it
want
to
free
itself
from
the
uncomfortable
choice
of
more
limited
to
more
expanded
state
and
just
BE
NOW
(comfortably,
naturally)?
Is
consciousness
the
existence?
Or
are
the
illusions
of
C
the
existence?
I
am
wondering
what
would
cease
to
exist
if
C
could
fully
know
itself
(step
out
of
all
illusions)
If
C
could
fully
know
itself
Then
of
course
it
would
not
subscribe
to
any
illusions
So
for
consciousness
it
is
quite
safe
to
fully
meet
(recognize)
itself
as
the
only
stuff
that
ceases
to
exist
is
the
existence
(in
all
illusions/dimensions).
Who
needs
that?
I
see.
So
death
in
physical
(cessation
of
the
illusion
of
the
human
body)
releases
C
from
that
illusion.
If
the
existence
ceases
in
all
dimensions
and
we
use
dimension
in
a
physics
language,
we
are
back
to
the
If
I
recognize
that
I
am
the
entire
existence
there
are
no
choices
left
=
all
is
included
(super-natural
state)
and
I
am
collapsing
from
the
exhaustion
of
this
vision
quest
into
the
point
of
NOW
(note:
Loving
ALL
is
a
method
to
consciously
include
more
and
more
and
more
of
the
universe)
NOW
SERIOUSLY
BACK
TO
THE
POINT
this
point
remains
NOW
and
is
never
bored
as
can
always
separate/limit
itself
into
illusions
and
experience
meaning
(hating
is
becoming
like
an
animal
-
not
in
a
sense
of
beauty
but
in
a
sense
of
limited
consciousness)
Ok.
But
not
all
illusions
then
have
the
choice
what
about
this
pen,
room,
planet
Earth,
those
natural
sentient
beings
other
than
human?
That
is
a
natural
backdrop
for
the
illusions
of
beings
with
free
will.
(Aahhso
there
are
aliens.)
AS
IN
AGELESS
WISDOM
TEACHINGS
The
souls
of
men
are
one
And
I
am
one
with
them
I
seek
to
love,
not
hate
I
seek
to
serve
and
not
exact
due
service
I
seek
to
heal
not
hurt
Love=serve=heal=high
vibration
Illusions
lower
and
lower
vibration
Lowering
vibration~forgetting
Raising
vibration~remembering
Loving
=
the
highest
service
I
awoke
and
saw
that
life
was
service
Expanded
consciousness
-
glimpses
of
inspiration,
imagination,
meditation,
creative
visualization,
dreaming
TOMORROW
Tomorrow
I
am
J
getting
married
to
Aga.
I
am
E.
So
I
refused
myself.
I
accept
myself
by
Loving.
I
refuse
myself
pain
(on
all
levels:
mind,
body,
soul).
Love
denied/withdrawn
=
consciousness
constricted
(not
recognizing
the
ONE)
=
pain
But
how
would
the
illusion
of
the
planet
Earth
continue
if
everyone
loved
everyone
else?
If
the
Self,
Unity
(and
point-vibration)
were
recognized?
Fear
of
ego
death.
People
would
have
to
abandon
the
fear.
Key
experiences/mirrors
-
trigger
recognition/expansion
POINT
All
the
complexities
all
the
choices
are
within
me.
I
can
hear
myself
speak
through
everyone/thing.
I
am
in
awe
of
me.
I
cry
at
my
beauty
when
I
recognize
myself.
I
can
tell
myself
any
information
that
was,
is
and
will
be
but
information
is
an
illusion.
Love
is
not
an
illusion.
Love
is
both
the
consciousness
(choice)
and
the
creation
(nature)
in
its
various
manifestation.
CONFLICT=
exclusion
of
this
ESSENE
in
any
form
Absence
of
Loving,
rejecting
own
true
nature
by
choice
Conflict=
rejecting
own
true
nature
by
choice
Conflict
~
leads
to
suffering/pain
There
is
everything
to
gain
in
Loving
And
nothing
to
gain
in
pain
Sit
in
your
heart
(=
center
yourself)
Breath
(=
experience
this
moment)
Ground
yourself
(=
full
embodiment)
Breath
Love
all
that
IS
There
never
was
nor
will
be
anything
more
that
IS
Wait,
dont
rush
This
Embrace.
Full
embodiment-
experience
of
you
in
your
setting
at
the
moment
MY
QUESTIONS
AT
THE
MOMENT
From
Above:
What
is
the
most
Loving
to
do
at
the
moment?
From
Below:
What
can
I
do
(what
do
I
feel
the
energy
to
do)
in
the
moment?
How
can
I
stay
in
the
flow?
Give
and
receive
easily?
What
fear
is
blocking
me?
I
dont
feel
I
could
go
on
a
train
to
work
and
pipette.
I
feel
I
might
be
able
to
stay
at
home
and
perhaps
type
this
up.
I
have
a
fear
of
chaos,
of
confusion.
I
dont
know
-
million
things.
I
have
only
one
fear:
that
I
wont
be
able
to
shift
the
perspective
for
increase
in
Loving.
That
being
above
would
scare
me,
as
it
would
say:
your
life
is
not
real,
nothing
you
do
there
is
meaningful,
whats
the
point,
you
are
dying
all
the
time,
its
just
some
fucking
game,
worse
than
Matrix.
That
being
below
would
also
scare
me.
As
I
wouldnt
feel
I
am
in
touch
with
my
true
nature,
I
would
always
search
for
myself,
running
around
those
four
elements
in
an
ABoriginal
way,
catching
only
those
glimpses
of
myself
around
and
in
my
sleep.
I
would
do
everything
right
according
to
my
setting,
do
the
next
right
thing
right
now
and
here,
but
I
wouldnt
feel
right,
wouldnt
feel
whole,
wouldnt
feel
the
joy
of
creation.
WHAT
TO
DO
3
realizations
of
Shantideva:
eating,
sleeping
and
shitting.
But
then
he
stepped
up
and
delivered.
Applying
that
choice
to
shift
perspective
scares
me
as
it
is
tantamount
to
death.
Only
when
I
learn
to
sit
in
my
heart,
breath,
ground
myself,
and
breath
will
I
realize
my
Loving
on
Earth
as
a
joy,
will
I
see
every
opportunity
counts
in
whatever
setting,
and
no
setting
can
be
meaningless
in
Loving.
If
you
still
dont
know
what
to
do,
follow
your
bliss
in
the
language
of
Joseph
Campbell.
Follow
what
feels
right
-
as
only
actions
in
Loving
feel
right*.
Bliss/pull=inner
CALLING
*the
single
law
of
the
universe
(note
added
during
final
reading:
And
I
havent
yet
heard
this
law
better
expressed
than
in
Headlights
by
the
grandly
explicit
Eminem
ft.
Nate
Ruess,
god
bless
him.)
(You
can
still
love
E,
but
not
go
into
that,
if
bliss
is
now
elsewhere.)
I
am
still
annoyed
that
I
as
one
manifestation
refused
myself
as
another
manifestation
For
the
fear
of
seeing
(Loving,
accepting)
itself
fully
Fear
is
the
path
to
the
side
Fear
leads
to
anger
Anger
leads
to
hate
Hate
leads
to
suffering
Fear=anger=hate
lowering
vibration
=
forgetting
(excluding)
suffering
When
I
fear
myself
(recognition
of
myself)
I
suffer??
APOCALYPSE
unveiling,
revealing
true
battle
THE
CHOICE
of
the
shifts
of
perspectives
(to
shift
or
not
to
shift)
happens
within.
Yeah,
this
apocalypse
is
definitely
happening.
I
guess
that
is
why
the
tone
of
this
writing
now
is
so
*sober.
Waiting
for
that
new
heaven
and
the
new
earth.
*to
thy
own
self
be
true
NOTES
ON
MY
STATE
I
NEED
TO
SHARE!
Being
ONE
is
hell.
I
cannot
call
on
anyone
to
help
me.
I
would
want
to
me
more
than
one.
I
dont
think
I
will
get
any
real
guidance
anymore.
Here
we
go,
evolve!
What
do
I
need
for
myself
but
doesnt
appear
against
Loving
at
the
moment?
To
share,
to
talk,
someone
with
me.
Someone
fucking
embodied
to
discuss
this
content
with.
I
have
no
idea
what
will
develop
next
with
these
writings.
(There
seem
to
be
no
one
good
choice.
Possibility
of
one
good
choice
would
be
the
end
of
evolution?).
I
write
and
at
the
same
time
I
know
that
all
of
this
has
been
shared
infinite
times
before,
perhaps
only
not
as
Ikas
experience.
For
now,
I
go
about
my
business
without
sharing
this
experience,
I
as
Ika
just
talk
naturally
with
everyone
who
is
around
(on
Skype
too),
no
problem
there.
I
have
no
idea
what
are
people
going
to
say
or
do,
but
I
listen
very
carefully
what
is
happening
at
the
moment.
I
dont
need
to
spin
my
balls
anymore,
everyone
I
knew,
everyone
I
know
is
my
people,
and
right
they
are.
I
have
no
idea
what
even
D
(who
put
himself
in
this
terrible
line
of
business)
would
say/do.
I
take
it
that
must
be
the
personal
evolution:
not
knowing
leaving
you
your
free
choice
and
radical
responsibility
to
choose
and
own
to
do
the
most
Loving
thing
(you
see
for
yourself
and
others)
on
your
own
in
your
setting,
according
to
what
you
know
in
your
embodiment.
Knowing
would
take
away
those
personal
choices/free
will.
ANONYMOUS
Loving
principle
waking
into
neutrality
(spirited
dialogues)
by
consciousness
from
ABOVE
by
anonymous
alcoholic
from
BELOW
onto
the
internet
I
thought
the
experience
must
be
authentically
depicted.
That
only
a
journal
of
enquiry
with
my
questions
and
my
life
stories
from
my
personal
experience
can
carry
meaning.
So
if
now
I
change
all
the
names
and
alter
the
details
of
the
stories
to
make
it
untraceable,
utterly
untraceable,
how
will
that
be
a
Loving
choice?
From
Below:
No
fuss,
no
drama,
natural
great!!!
No
harm
to
people
in
my
life
great!!!
But
what
about
the
loss
of
credibility?
From
Above:
You
mean
credit
ibility?
Your
long
standing
issue?
This
age
of
Aquarius
BULL-SHIT
is
not
to
be
believed.
On
the
contrary.
Disbelief
is
enquiry.
It
is
to
be
loved.
Anonymous
alcoholics
tell
their
story
with
rigorous
honesty
without
fully
identifying
themselves.
You
can
have
a
nickname.
With
AAs
as
you
noted
a
very
long
time
ago,
their
story
is
a
story
of
spiritual
awakening
and
could
be
written
by
anyone.
Principles
above
personalities.
Keep
it
simple.
From
Below:
I
really
lost
all
appetite.
Well,
progressively
over
the
past
few
days,
I
was
feeling
worse
and
worse
physically,
haha,
but
also
mentally
and
emotionally.
I
am
totally
disobeying
the
calling
from
within
not
to
drink
coffee.
I
sense
multiple
scenarios
of
what
will
occur
next.
All
for
nothing
scenario
is
definitely
an
option
(as
all
other
scenarios).
Not
a
very
comfortable
thought.
From
Above:
But
you
keep
writing,
why?
From
Below:
It
feels
right,
makes
sense
for
the
moment.
Below:
I
love
my
illusions.
B
is
having
a
friend
over
for
a
computer
game.
Thats
bloody
perfect.
You
point-vibration
son
of
a
bitch.
I
dont
want
to
get
rid
of
them.
Above:
My
words
precisely.
Above:
I
am
bit
suffering
as
Ika
now.
I
am
resisting
myself
a
bit
oh
yes,
the
coffee.
Can
coffee
cause
a
heart
attack?
Below:
What?
You
are
asking
me?
Above:
Well.
Who
else
IS
there?
Below:
Give
me
a
break.
Above:
In
a
moment.
Empowerment:
I
am
one
of
you
I
am
one
of
my
illusions
Disempowerment:
Everything
you
own
I
have
given
you
I
am
my
illusions
in
a
human
setting.
I
can
just
BREATH
and
let
go.
Ika,
why
are
you
still
holding
that
breath
when
all
the
oxygen
is
already
gone?
What
are
you
afraid
of?
Outbreath
past
Next
in-breath
future
Below:
How
is
this
not
a
cruel
game?
Why
so
many
choices?
Why
suffering?
Above:
Only
to
experience
Loving
at
every
moment.
When
despite
the
pain
and
cold
and
no
coffee
you
delight
in
that
sound
of
the
boys
in
the
next
room
(and
some
grand
horrid
shooting
game)
that
IS
the
moment.
Apple
(and
snake)
Knowledge
Choice
consciou
God
Adam
+
Eve
Love
Creation
Ikas
life
-
such
a
quest
for
1. love
2. knowledge
How
do
you
evolve
without
HURTING
anyone?
How
can
you
have
both?
She
knew
only
two
things
are
important:
To
Love
To
learn
something
new/become
better
It
was
the
*STRUGGLE
to
try
both
that
counted
Will
I
cease
to
exist?
With
zero
choice
consciousness
only
creation
will
remain
perfectly
NATURAL
(as
was
at
the
beginning,
the
rest
deleted
as
in
Ikas
mother
tongue)
Note
added
during
final
reading:
*struggle
for
Ika
(see
no
pain
no
gain
for
Ika)
Ika
and
D
two
illusions
in
different
settings
with
different
CHOICES
(loving)
with
varying
degrees
of
Recognizing
themselves
Variety
of
-
consciousness
being
more
or
less
aware
of
itself
in
its
own
creations
infinite
possibilities
to
evolve
to
love
The
more
you
expand
the
more
you
see
that
the
only
way
to
go
on
is
to
make
the
next
Loving
choice
(without
knowing
how
successful
it
will
be)
But
with
the
expansion
in
my
current
state,
the
Loving
is
truly
the
feeling
of
how
could
you
not?
All
the
anguish
is
mostly
about
my
current
choices
in
Life
Keep
being
expanded
or
constrict
myself
(by
sleep
or
being
immersed
in
my
current
illusion
setting)
Should
I
see
where
all
this
is
going
or
should
I
stop
(constrict)
Expanded
state
Loving
the
same
or
larger
Frustratingly
many/difficult
choices
and
constant
process
of
figuring
myself
out
(Could
I
know
myself
even
more?
If
I
keep
discovering
myself,
will
that
be
beneficial/will
I
evolve?
By
further
Recognition?
Or
by
CHOICES
scenarios?
If
I
am
more
evolved,
does
that
mean
more
Loving,
different
varieties
of
Loving,
Loving
in
multiple
settings
of
dimensions??)
Expulsion
from
the
Garden
of
Eden/Evil
~
conditioning,
forgetting
ONE
forgets
itself
the
LOVE
scenario
was
an
exact
analogy
If
ONE
would
fully
become
ONE
-
recognized
in
ALL
its
illusions
the
existence
would
cease
Therefore
it
separates
itself
by
acquiring
attributes
and
by
constricting
itself
with
forgetting/conditioning
MAN
is
separated
from
GOD
by
tasting
EVIL
Snake/apple/EVIL
are
carriers
of
separation
and
as
such
relieve
ONE
of
its
ONEness
and
enable
the
Lives
of
MANY
and
a
cycle
of
RECOGNITION
Lives
of
MANY
- consciousness
obscured
in
its
illusions
longing
for
ANOTHER
and
for
VOID
- new
striving
to
discover
the
mystery
of
creation,
to
create
more
(technology,
art,
but
CHILDREN)!!
and
try
to
LOVE
IT
ALL
Pain
in
ONEness
perhaps
even
more
than
in
SEPARATION
If
it
were
for
fun
or
play
it
would
indeed
be
a
very
cruel
game
to
bring
Evil
into
the
world.
For
Ika
no
pain
no
gain
Hopefully
for
Ika,
the
forgetting
will
now
be
just
distancing
herself
from
the
experience
and
blocking
her
access
to
such
a
full
ONE
state
forgetting
immersion
into
BODY
experience,
Self
of
the
illusion
remembering
bringing
forth
the
ONEness
forgetting
and
remembering
only
via
intention
and
attention
choice
to
shift
focus
I
might
employ
harsh
measures
of
forgetting
by
1. disregarding
the
entire
experience
of
ONEness
that
is
available
to
me
as
a
very
drastic
VISION
QUEST
and
a
rather
disturbing
VISION
2. treating
myself
with
some
earthly
beliefs
returning
to
facts,
measurements,
rules,
principles
etc.
Or
I
might
want
to
use
access
to
ONEness
to
make
the
most
Loving
choices
in
Ikas
life,
but
still
there
would
have
to
be
a
strong
sense
of
Ika
for
this
to
be
enjoyable.
Only
with
recovered
strong
sense
of
Ika,
there
will
be
any
meaning
to
derive
from
ONEness,
to
try
to
apply
in
the
current
reality,
in
science,
in
relationships,
in
household,
etc.
Strong
sense
of
Ika
is
the
most
important
NOW:
Can
I
be
in
the
body
every
NOW?
Can
I
be
real?
Only
like
that
I
can
live.
Ika
without
the
sense
of
self
as
Ika
(Ika
as
ONE)
still
loves
and
tries
to
do
the
right
thing.
Loves
the
interconnectedness,
the
beauty
of
creation
and
the
communication
of
consciousness
with
itself
within
that
creation,
but
she
hates/fears
(HATE=FEAR)
the
loss
of
meaning
to
her
Ika
Life.
Being
Ika
and
never
truly
forgetting
oneself,
keeping
that
I
dont
remember
what
pulling
is
the
most
meaningful
state
possible
-
following
that
pull
of
your
true
nature,
longing
to
discover
it,
recognizing
it
as
Love
and
unity
and
striving
towards
it
in
the
external
setting.
IkaBE
OTHER!!
Separate
yourself
from
ONE!
ONE
will
always
be
here
for
me
(haha,
thanks!!),
go
into
the
world
and
live
Ika
Self
identity
become
Ika.
Its
precisely
the
same
process:
Intention
and
attention
to
ONE
Intention
and
attention
to
Ika
Self
(others,
MANY)
The
Ika
to
ONE
becoming
was
instant
and
only
perceived
as
a
lifetime
(collection
of
experiences).
The
ONE
to
Ika
becoming
will
be
as
well
instant
and
might
only
be
perceived
as
a
struggle
to
forget.
MANIFESTATION
Choice
to
attend
to
Ika
will
bring
Ika
to
Life.
Choice
to
attend
to
my
family,
loved
ones,
etc
will
bring
us
better
relationships
(or
at
least
ones
that
are
alive).
Choice
to
attend
to
money
will
lead
me
to
engage
in
money-earning
activities.
As
within
my
setting,
I
find
appropriate
to
earn
money
by
going
to
work
and
asking
my
parents
to
give
me
some
that
is
how
I
manifest
money.
I
might
in
the
future
also
find
appropriate
to
manifest
money
by
winning
the
lottery,
but
that
doesnt
seem
as
a
priority
right
now.
Choice
and
attending
to
(paying
attention
to,
Loving)
something
brings
it
literally
into
your
reality
even
from
the
very
below
perspective
of
MANY,
since
you
start
to
search
for,
work
for
and
include
the
desired
something
into
your
daily
existence.
Again,
if
you
shift
your
perspective
between
extremes
in
the
example
of
being
a
mother:
ONE
-
I
already
have/am
that
thing,
was,
is
and
will
be
repeating
myself
etc.
MANY
I
am
50
and
I
want
to
manifest
a
child.
That
is
very
unlikely
in
my
physical
reality
that
I
am
living
in
(but
of
course
possible).
I
can
try
to
engage
the
services
of
the
most
modern
science
and
medicine.
I
might
also
consider
whether
if
I
choose
to
attend
to
the
image
of
a
baby
in
my
head
(if
I
creatively
visualize
as
Ika
with
winning
the
lottery
for
the
benefit
of
C)
it
could
suddenly
appear
in
front
of
me
in
physical.
Or
by
various
co-incidences
(all
un-explainable)
a
child
will
appear
by
my
power
of
manifestation
(choosing
and
focusing/Loving
within).
In
NEUTRALITY
I
might
play
with
these
ideas
a
little
bit
and
then
choose,
that
in
my
setting,
the
most
sensible/meaningful
choice
is
to
be
a
mother
in
essence
experience
the
essence
of
being
a
mother
and
engage
in
action
as
adoption,
volunteering
with
children,
etc.
A
huge
point
in
the
LAW
OF
ATTRACTION
and
MANIFESTATION
as
they
are
described
is
the
INDIVIDUAL
preparing
herself/himself
to
RECEIVE
the
desired
outcome.
Mother-to-be
is
slowing
down
her
career,
changing
the
priorities
within
her
life
that
is
an
expression
of
the
choice
to
Be
Mother.
Sitting
in
the
bathtub
listening
to
the
voice
within
(and
bothering
all
your
friends
to
also
listen
to
their
voices
within)
is
not
only
rather
embarrassing
but
also
a
strong
expression
of
the
choice
to
recognize
ones
true
nature.
Again,
you
can
BE/HAVE
everything/one
just
by
a
brutal
shift
of
perspective
into
the
hell
of
ONE.
Or
you
can
experience
your
hearts
desire
by
choosing
and
focusing/Loving
in
your
setting
in
your
everyday.
You
can
always
experience
the
ESSENCE
of
your
hearts
desire
(if
you
choose
and
attend
to
it).
ESSENCE
*Consciousness
is
always
experiencing
itself
within
its
creation
(absolute
ends
of
the
scale
are
incorrect)
NEUTRALITY
Living=EXPERIENCING
for
yourself
in
your
reality,
with
your
personal
core
beliefs
-
as
your
IDENTITY
There
is
no
living
without
your
IDENTITY,
without
anchoring
yourself
to
the
EXPERIENCE
with
your
choice
and
attending
(focusing,
loving)
You
can
choose
to
contemplate
(remember
and
recognize)
only
or
live
only
or
BOTH
both
as
NEUTRALITY,
the
middle
way
REMEMBERING/RECOGNIZING
removing
some
of
your
core
beliefs.
This
might
not
necessarily
mean
changing
your
lifestyle,
but
shifting
a
view
(as
in
the
mother-attributes
exercise).
Asking
the
question
(is
mother
really
like
this,
or
that
or
is
it
just
my
perception).
EXISTING~VOID,
being
in
a
state
of
not
questioning
your
reality
EXPERIENCING
combination
of
existence
and
recognition,
acting
on
the
feedback
from
your
reality
(perceived
by
as
many
senses
as
you
think
you
have),
being
within
your
core
beliefs
(anchored
to
IDENTITY),
but
being
able
to
question
them
CORE
BELIEFS
Core
beliefs
are
a
safe-sail
in
a
sense
that
they
anchor
consciousness/essence
to
the
creation/existence.
In
the
context
of
humanity
conditioning
is
a
passive
process
of
accepting
core
beliefs.
De-conditioning
is
only
an
active
process
of
QUESTIONING
beliefs.
By
questioning
core
beliefs
unbelievable
stuff
appears
in
your
reality.
Then
you
can
make
another
choice
whether
to
question
further.
PERSPECTIVE
ON
KNOWLEDGE
Extreme
ONEness
perspective:
Eliminates
competition
and
originality
for
expressed
IDENTITY/
personality.
From
the
position
of
MANY:
Each
moment
is
irreplaceable
never
to
be
repeated
never
to
be
precisely
described
as
it
was
EXPERIENCED
only
by
that
particular
IDENTITY
in
time
and
space.
Note:
As
I
am
reading
the
entire
typed
document
after
myself,
longing
for
having
it
all
finished,
for
an
afternoon
outside,
in
the
grass,
sun
in
my
face,
I
am
experiencing
a
really
supportive
voice
of
Jillian
Michaels,
god
bless
her,
saying
With
Intention:
This
is
NOT
your
mothers
workout!
BENEFIT
OF
SHIFTING
Ok,
so
humanity
is
already
in
that
desired
state
in
the
middle,
how
could
we
further
benefit
from
the
expansion
of
consciousness
(or
focusing
our
attention
inward)?
In
oscillating
your
attention
around
the
middle,
or
understanding
how
oscillation
of
the
attention
around
the
middle
changes
your
experience.
By
shifting
your
attention
around
the
middle,
you
can:
1. EXPERIENCE
MORE
PERSONAL
IDENTITY
Accept
beliefs
LEARN
create
more
identity
You
can
accept
positive
beliefs
about
yourself
and
others
create
more
positive
identity
of
yourself
and
others
Or
you
can
accept
negative
beliefs
OR
2. EXPERIENCE
MORE
ONEness
(recognize
more
ONEnes)
Question
beliefs
that
you
have
previously
accepted
Image
you
hold
of
yourself
and
others
(otherness
of
ethnicities,
sexes,
ages,
etc.)
Importance
of
the
struggle
of
your
life
struggle
to
ALL/ONE
If
you
are
paying
attention
to
your
experience
and
not
finding
it
meaningful,
you
might
try
to
adjust
your
IDENTITY
line.
-
to
acquire
or
loose
more
of
that
PARTICULAR
IDENTITY.
You
might
rise
a
bit
to
acquire
that
sense
of
ONEness
or
drop
to
learning
(conditioning)
-
anchor
yourself
more
to
your
current
reality
and
enlarge
your
identity.
Learn
to
cook
become
a
cook.
Read
a
book
know
what
is
in
the
book,
discuss
with
others.
Make
love
become
a
lover,
etc.
(well,
what
more
is
there?)
Adjusting
your
IDENTITY
line
in
both
directions
might
be
meaningful.
IDENTITY
(as
the
amount
and
content
of
your
core
beliefs)
is
the
single
most
important
determinant
of
your
Life
experience
and
its
meaning.
Imagine
being
ALL,
having
ALL,
and
appreciate
choices/new
experiences
still
available.
Rather
than
a
quest
between
BE
and
HAVE
(as
spiritual
and
material
options),
you
can
re-direct
to
choosing
between:
MANY
(choices
and
experiences
to
try)
and
ALL
(ONE)
undesirable
completeness
in
both
spiritual
and
material
world.
Choice
to
ALL
(ONE)
is
not
a
choice
towards
gain,
but
towards
pain.
Choice
to
MANY
is
choice
to
EXPERIENCING
yourself
in
your
setting,
paying
attention
to
your
experience,
working
for
self
AND
OTHERS,
loving
self
AND
OTHERS,
always
returning
from
self
to
OTHERS.
If
I
adore
You
out
of
fear
of
hell,
burn
me
in
hell.
If
I
adore
You
out
of
desire
for
paradise,
lock
me
out
of
paradise.
But
if
I
adore
You
alone,
do
not
deny
to
me
Your
eternal
beauty.
Rabia
al-Adawiyya,
8th
century
Sufi
mystic
Fear
of
something
(of
an
attribute,
of
evil
etc.)
is
rejecting
that
quality
of
Self.
You
are
IN
CHARGE
not
to
express
or
not
to
act
upon
every
thought/feeling
passing
and
thus
to
HOLD
YOUR
IDENTITY
well
clean
if
you
wish.
However,
you
are
challenged
to
accept
what
IS.
And
I
am
afraid
everything
IS.
Even
the
most
disgusting
scenario
IS.
And
what?
So
IS,
was
and
will
be!!!
Lets
let
it
BE
as
Beatles
put
it.
Your
IDENTITY
is
your
personal
business,
you
put
in
it
what
you
choose
to
express
and
act
upon.
Your
shadow
is
never-ending,
if
you
see
something
interesting
passing
through
your
awareness,
then
grab
it!
Make
a
choice
to
express
and
act
upon
that
thought.
Fear
is
trying
to
separate
the
ESSENCE
of
ONE
and
exclude
uncomfortable
bits.
If
you
are
ONE
NOW,
then
I
totally
sympathize
and
would
immediately
NOW
choose
to
exclude
from
that
perception
(look
around,
see
what
is
HERE
AND
NOW),
as
that
truly
is
a
HORROR
to
fear.
But
if
you
have
a
sense
of
IDENTITY
and
you
have
intrusive
thoughts
that
you
are
afraid
of,
then
accept
them.
Send
them
through
your
mind
back
to
the
shadow,
wave
them
goodbye
and
see
you
later.
They
are
but
they
have
NO
POWER
over
you.
FEAR
is
not
recognizing
you
have
a
choice.
Or
in
the
state
of
ONE,
recognizing
there
is
no
choice
left
(ouch).
On
the
other
hand,
you
might
decide
to
try
to
shift
your
IDENTITY
line
upward
to
acquire
some
sense
of
ONEness
and
loosen
a
grip
on
over-identification
with
your
life
situation.
Why
might
be
a
sense
of
ONEness
beneficial?
For
the
acceptance
of
all.
Not
identification
with
all
but
acceptance.
If
you
choose
to
see
yourself
in
others
and
in
everything
(dont
over
do!!),
the
resentments,
regrets,
misunderstandings
might
drop.
You
might
see
a
sense
in
creation
that
is
not
purely
white/light;
however,
you
choose
your
IDENTITY.
You
might
see
how
you
can
accept
what
IS
and
simultaneously
stay
AS
YOU
CHOOSE
TO
BE.
I
LOVE
WHAT
IS
but
I
KNOW
WHO
I
AM
NOW
(in
the
language
of
ONE:
I
love
me
as
I
am,
but
I
express
myself
as)
Acceptance
leads
to
non-conflict
and
that
is
the
desired
state.
????
Yes,
desired
state
for
unification
and
I
have
seen
where
that
leads
If
a
state
of
ONEness,
the
absolute
completeness,
is
choice-less
(which
equals
pure
FEAR),
then
outwardly
in
our
reality
this
means
WORLD
PEACE
AND
LOVE
would
lead
to
a
massive
panic
attack
I
assume.
Why?
As
people
would
not
have
a
CHOICE
to
express
their
true
nature.
It
would
be
an
UNBEARABLE
LIGHTness
of
BEING
(not
in
the
sense
as
depicted
by
Milan
Kundera,
god
bless
him).
A
PERSPECTIVE
ON
EVIL
So
if
you
IMAGINE
that
you
are
ONE
and
that
is
just
terrible,
I
keep
repeating
this,
so
it
sinks
deep
-
you
quickly
split
in
two.
In
order
for
the
choices
to
be
possible,
the
two
must
be
different
OTHER,
so
attributes
arise.
GOOD/BAD,
LIGHT/DARK.
So
the
shadow
is
now
pretty
simple
Good/Light
and
Bad/Dark.
Your
IDENTITY
is
your
CHOICE.
You
choose
Good/Light.
However,
in
that
case
part
of
ONE,
part
of
the
ESSENCE/consciousness/true
nature
remains
UN-
EXPRESSED.
UNWANTED.
As
no
one
is
attending
to
(paying
attention,
loving)
this
part
of
ONE,
it
is
a
story
of
LOVE
REJECTED.
ONE
rejects
part
of
oneself.
Rejected
love
is
truly
painful.
ONE
is
Good/Light
but
simultaneously
has
a
broken
heart.
There
is
a
conflict
in
ONE.
In
an
outer
scenario,
you
can
always
choose
your
IDENTITY
(your
expressed
self)
and
it
can
be
a
purified
Good/Light.
However,
you
might
feel
you
are
not
expressing
your
true
nature
and
that
might
cause
an
inner
conflict
(of
not
being
authentic,
or
lets
say
much
less
than
rigorously
honest).
So
you
say:
No
inner
conflict!!
Show
me
the
way
of
a
Buddhist
non-conflict!
How?
LOVE
the
devil
within
you.
Loving!
But
that
is
attending
to,
expressing
the
devil?
But
I
chose
my
IDENTITY
of
Good/Light!!
Ok.
So
in
the
shadow,
there
are
all
thoughts.
You
are
expressing
what
you
chose.
You
might
choose
some
very
strong
actions
expressing
Good/Light
(as
risking
your
own
Life
for
someone
elses
etc.).
Or
you
might
give
me
a
Hobnobs,
alternatively
white
chocolate.
In
both
cases,
you
are
expressing
the
ESSENCE
of
Good/Light.
For
the
devil
within
you
to
be
loved
and
attended
to,
so
that
you
can
live
in
non-
conflict,
expressing
your
true
nature,
you
can
do
the
same.
Express
the
ESSENCE
of
the
evil
in
the
way
that
is
in
accordance
with
your
IDENTITY.
From
the
shadow,
you
can
get
various
ideas.
Raise
a
middle
finger
(my
favorite).
Eat
someone
elses
pack
of
Hobnobs
or
white
chocolate
and
help
them
search
for
it.
Say
no,
even
though
you
dont
really
know
if
you
are
objectively
right,
but
you
feel
you
dont
want
to
do
it.
Break
a
rule
that
was
never
yours
a
learnt
rule
(girls
dont
French
kiss
girls
or
something,
you
know
which
one!!!).
In
accordance
with
your
IDENTITY.
Allow
yourself
to
express
your
true
nature.
Enough
of
I
LOVE
MYSELF
WHOLE
but
I
AM
ONLY
GOOD/LIGHT.
I
am
in
conflict
just
writing
that.
You
feel
within
that
little
punk
that
wants
to
be
loved.
Out
with
it!!!
Allow
for
yourself
and
everyone
else
around.
Let
the
world
be
inhabited
with
GOOD/LIGHTpunks
and
in
non-conflict.
The
ESSENCE
wants
to
look
at
itself
fully.
But
GOOD/LIGHTpunks
would
also
argue?
Lots
of
raised
middle
fingers?
Affairs?
Broken
hearts?
For
sure,
yeah!!!
Apart
from
the
broken
hearts.
If
you
express
yourself
authentically
as
GOOD/LIGHTpunks,
then
surely
you
will
be
more
receptive
to
recognize
the
ESSENCE(s)
in
another.
Being
on
each
corner
of
a
triangle
(even
as
a
mental
exercise)
heals
a
broken
heart
(in
time).
I
forgive
everything,
I
forgive
everyone,
I
forgive
myself.
Ok.
But
Dark/Bad
is
being
expressed
pretty
dramatically
in
the
outer
world.
Why
are
these
choices
made?
And
from
the
extreme
ONE
perspective,
how
could
I
ever
do
some
of
those
deeds?
The
structure
of
the
IDENTITY
enables
further
choices
(in
a
time/space
language).
So
if
the
IDENTITY
includes
core
beliefs
such
as
in
war
men
need
to
kill,
then
the
choice
to
kill
under
such
situation
might
be
made.
Core
beliefs
include
not
only
your
personal
history,
but
also
history
as
such
etc.
(the
identity
of
your
world
now).
Western
psychology
describes
very
well
how
such
a
choice
might
feel
right
for
an
individual
based
on
his/her
conditioning
(upbringing,
wealth,
health,
etc.).
But
what
about
the
deeds
in
TEMPORARY
INSANITY?
This
writing,
for
example.
What
about
that
I
couldnt
help
myself.
I
chose
NO
and
I
was
driven
to
do
it
(yes,
also
to
call
that
boy
who
is
not
interested).
Driven
by
my
true
nature
I
assume.
What
then?
You
always
have
a
choice,
always,
always,
always.
Some
choices
though
really
need
to
be
made
every
MOMENT.
For
example,
if
you
wanted
to
stop
working
on
this
book,
you
could
immerse
yourself
into
your
daily
experience
(and
focus
your
attention
and
love
on
another
or
something
else)
or
you
could
artificially
forget
by
disabling
your
brain
by
some
convenient
medication.
However,
you
would
probably
feel
very
driven
to
write
further
in
the
moments
you
would
shift
focus
from
your
daily
experience
(e.g.
while
thinking
on
the
train).
You
still
can
choose
NO.
Some
NOs
just
need
to
be
repeated
every
moment
(at
least
for
some
time).
You
can
say
I
was
driven
to
write
this
book.
I
wanted
to
do
anything
for
His
Glory
and
million
similar
affirmations
over
years,
wanted
to
heal,
wanted
to
discover,
wanted
to
love
all;
basically
I
wanted
everything
that
is
mentioned
here,
only
didnt
imagine
it
like
this!!
And
with
un-planned
ending!!
So
you
have
been
making
a
very
strong
choice
(or
lets
say
you
did
not
take
many
opportunities
to
UN-CHOOSE)
throughout
your
Life
experience,
but
you
are
still
baffled
by
the
form
it
has
taken.
Not
my
plan!!!
Exactly.
In
the
language
of
Tyler
Cowen:
the
complex,
*unintended
consequences
of
human
action!
From
the
extreme
ONEness
position
you
can
see
how
it
is
an
ANTI-PLAN
DESIGN.
Choices
with
unpredictable
results.
Leading
to
more
unpredictable
choices
with
unpredictable
results.
Meaningful
continuation.
So
the
events
of
your
Life
might
not
exactly
take
on
the
form
you
would
expect
when
you
are
deciding,
but
they
do
reflect
the
essence
you
chose.
Any
MOMENT
you
can
UN-CHOOSE
and
immerse
yourself
into
a
different
experience
-
not
pick
up
a
drink
if
you
are
choosing
recovery,
stop
writing
and
switch
to
exercising
if
you
are
choosing
enough
of
BULL-shit.
(Anything
that
happened
to
you
so
far
can
be
seen
as
a
MIRROR
of
your
decreasing
core
beliefs.).
note
added
during
typing:
so
far???!!!!
What
about
those
things
as
illnesses
you
are
born
with.
*Unintended
here
meaning
the
consequences
do
stem
from
the
choice,
but
are
surprising
or
even
shocking
for
the
person
who
actually
went
with
the
choice.
FUTURE
As
I
was
taking
shower,
I
was
thinking
from
the
position
of
Ika
that
the
ESSENCE
is
playing
a
trick
on
me
after
all.
Although
I
can
see
how
my
life
experiences
and
my
reading
and
exploration
history
all
lead
me
to
my
personal
experience
of
ESSENCE,
I
of
course
cannot
know
how
disturbing
such
writing
as
this,
or
similar
experience
can
be
for
others.
(Nature
of
Personal
Reality
seemed
pretty
disturbing
to
me
at
one
point
good
old
times.)
So
there
is
the
scenario,
in
which
in
future,
people
could
be
abandoning
their
earthly
identities
and
not
living
but
sensing
each
other.
Instead
of
an
email
that
is
an
evidence,
real
stuff
you
would
just
turn
toward
telepathy
etc.
The
real
life
becoming
less
real.
Less
physical,
less
touchable.
This
scenario
of
my
great-grandchildren
(well,
if
B
is
willing)
not
even
meeting,
or
sitting
at
the
computer
together
playing
a
shooting
game,
but
pondering:
Can
you
imagine
that
there
was
a
point
in
human
history
when
people
didnt
recognize
they
are
ESSENCE
and
they
bothered
with
you
know
everything,
Life.
Scary.
But
inconsistent
as
in
that
sentence,
there
is
already
a
strong
grip
on
the
world
IDENTITY
expressed
(human,
history,
people).
So
in
this
scenario
the
middle
line
of
personal
IDENTITY
is
lifted
upward
towards
the
ESSENCE
-
and
I
still
dont
find
it
useful
in
a
sense,
as
it
takes
away
meaning
from
everyday
life.
There
is
though
a
radical
difference
for
me
here
from
the
day
of
Love
going
to
fully
meet
itself
vision
quest.
That
Love
was
quite
confused,
the
main
objective
there
was
an
Ego
death
and
looking
beyond
the
IDENTITY
of
Ika
(but
in
Ikas
home
setting,
with
home
life
going
on
as
usual).
Even
if
I
(from
the
position
of
Ika)
recognized/lived
a
vision
that
everyone/thing
could
be
made
of
Love,
I
saw
that
one
choice
is
all
that
it
takes
(that
Love
fully
met
must
ask
another
question
or
die).
One
choice
in
one
particular
manifestation/illusion.
That
is
why
the
experience
was
so
highly
disturbing
and
powerful
(and
sad).
However
now,
even
though
I
dont
like
the
idea
of
moving
the
middle
line
of
personal
IDENTITY
all
the
way
upwards
towards
the
ESSENCE,
I
can
see
that
for
ESSENCE
to
be
in
danger
of
fully
meeting
itself
it
would
require
or
would
depend
on
number
of
choices
in
a
huge
number
of
manifestations/IDENTITIES/people.
You
are
never
making
a
CHOICE
for
the
ESSENCE.
Never.
You
are
always
making
a
choice
for
yourself
now.
And
while
I
am
following
this
interesting
line
of
thought,
I
am
simultaneously
perpetuating
my
IDENTITY
by
deciding
to
go
to
work
tomorrow
and
do
a
proper
experiment
for
once,
as
well
as
go
out
and
buy
new
pack
of
Hobnobs.
The
idea
of
my
son
coming
to
sudden
recognition
of
being
the
ESSENCE
and
loosing
meaning
of
his
Life
is
wellimpossible
right
now,
its
ridiculous!!
While
there
are
computer
games,
there
is
always
meaning
to
Life.
The
IDENTITY
of
the
world
is
changing
anyway
faster
and
faster.
Our
grandmothers
think
we
dont
know
what
real
life
is,
with
our
sitting
in
the
offices
and
talking
through
computers.
We
only
get
to
properly
talk
and
hang
out
together
on
Friday
nights
in
the
pubs
(or
in
AA
meetings).
Yeah,
sometimes
I
think,
grandma
is
right,
I
miss
hiking,
I
should
be
more
out,
or
I
should
hang
out
with
more
people
and
small
talk
(not
only
with
those
few
of
my
people
for
endless
discussions).
But
then
I
like
my
lab
work,
and
staying
at
home
reading
or
working
on
the
computer.
The
whole
progress
thing,
its
my
world
now
and
I
enjoy
some
of
the
old
ways
and
many
of
the
new
ways.
My
son
doesnt
miss
spending
the
whole
afternoon
outside
with
other
kids
wasting
time.
That
was
my
thing.
They
do
what
they
do
NOW.
Is
all
the
technology
already
the
end
of
the
world?
More
open
sexual
expression,
gender
change?
Globalization?
The
end
of
the
world
as
our
grandparents
knew
it,
yes.
For
me
having
a
son
was
the
end
(of
my
Life
at
early
20s)
now
I
(and
his
Dad
too)
see
it
as
the
best
thing
we
have
done
and
what
a
pity
that
it
wasnt
triplets
(not
sure
though
there
can
be
more
children
as
great
as
B).
Meditation
and
all
the
exploration
in
that
area
was
the
end
(of
my
Life/world
as
I
knew
it)
not
sure
yet
I
am
considering
this
a
good
thing.
I
dont
know
yet.
All
these
changes
of
our
worlds
are
coming
about
by
removing
our
beliefs
in
what
IS
or
is
not
possible.
As
we
accept
an
event/attitude/advance
as
possible
and
go
through
with
it
(e.g
make
time
and
space
for
a
baby-
I
mean
hook
into
those
finances
of
your
parents;
or
connect
ourselves
good
and
proper
with
the
internet
across
the
entire
planet)
then
we
can
all
test
and
see
whether
that
was
a
good
idea.
We
can
then
bring
about
opposing
ideas
(no
more
children
for
the
overpopulated
planet,
or
Live
Slow)
to
self-correct
or
support
more
choices.
From
the
perspective
of
an
identity
now,
it
is
impossible
to
know
how
our
collective
choices
will
be
enjoyed/or
not
in
the
future.
The
ESSENCE
discovers
itself
only
by
living
the
experiences
and
via
the
choices
of
a
particular
IDENTITY.
Many
years
ago,
when
I
was
first
introduced
to
the
Power
of
Now
(Tolle),
I
stopped
reading
it
when
Eckhart
claimed
that
he
is
not
speaking
to
me
through
words
only,
but
through
a
vibration.
I
had
a
good
laugh
and
never
finished
reading
what
for
sure
is
an
excellent
book.
Later,
when
among
Yogis
who
check
their
vibrations
all
the
time,
I
have
removed
this
core
belief
and
proceeded
to
feel
certain
texts
or
type
of
music
as
meaningful
to
me
not
only
via
the
explicit
content
but
also
because
they
made
me
feel
right,
they
had
a
good
vibe
for
me.
So
I
concluded,
what
the
heck,
I
developed
certain
suggestibility.
Then
I
realized
that
suggestibility
is
when
you
open
yourself
to
accept
new
beliefs
to
learn,
to
condition
yourself
and
is
an
exact
opposite
of
what
I
was
doing
questioning
my
old
beliefs
about
reality
and
going
with
what
felt
right
for
me
(within
me)
and
did
not
hurt
others.
That
is
all
true
but
only
to
the
point
of
the
vision
quest
and
the
experiencing
of
ONEness
or
ESSENCE
in
a
degree
that
I
wouldnt
recommend!!
So
these
past
days
I
am
following
these
lines
of
thoughts
out
of
pure
curiosity
and
wondering
what
happened
to
the
Loving
concept?
If
there
werent
the
Love
quest
trick,
I
wouldnt
likely
pay
attention
to
this,
as
I
was
always
worried
that
I
might
prefer
snooping
around
to
Loving,
always
in
a
conscious
struggle
to
keep
Love
first
in
everything.
When
I
am
attending
to
Ika,
focusing
on
and
Loving
Ikas
IDENTITY
and
the
identity
of
her
world
I
do
what
feels
right
here
and
now
as
Ika.
Eat
Hobnobs,
watch
a
movie
with
B
and
finally
go
to
work
tomorrow,
you
lazy
punk.
Are
these
all
Loving
choices
to
myself
and
others?
Who
knows.
I
see
my
reality
here
and
now
and
do
what
I
can
what
feels
right/acceptable
to
me
at
the
moment.
Is
this
an
acceptable
plan
for
the
day?
Yes
it
is.
Does
it
make
me
particularly
joyful?
Not
really,
depends
on
the
movie
and
whether
B
will
be
telling
jokes.
Is
it
overly
dramatic,
is
anyone
getting
hurt
at
the
moment,
or
am
I
breaking
any
of
my
standing
principles
that
I
yet
cannot
break?
No.
I
am
not
really
going
against
myself
or
others,
I
am
going
with
the
best
possible
options
I
see
at
the
moment
that
feel
ok,
I
can
do
this,
I
see
the
least
hurt
in
it
(or
none,
if
we
dont
count
that
these
are
Bs
Hobnobs)
and
it
might
be
fun.
Is
this
generating
some
considerable
Love?
Well,
unlikely
in
a
usual
sense
of
the
word,
but
it
feels
NATURAL
Natural
Choice
that
CAN
be
done
at
the
moment
with
most
ease
Feels
right,
the
(next)
best
thing
to
do
In
accordance
with
your
own
rules
Not
necessarily
joyful
or
fun
Unnatural
Going
against
yourself,
pushing
to
be
or
to
do
as
you
have
been
told
but
never
feeling
right
In
accordance
with
the
OUTSIDE
RULES
of
society,
upbringing,
community
Damn
painful
APOCALYPSE
APOCALYPSE:
LOVING
ALL
The
best
choice
from
the
position
of
ONE
The
best
choice
from
the
position
of
MANY
The
best
choice
for
everyONE
The
best
choice
for
IDENTITY
Trying
to
make
the
best
possible
choice.
Most
Loving
NOW.
One
life
You
got
to
do
what
you
should
We're
one,
but
we're
not
the
same
We
get
to
Carry
each
other
(no
need
to
credit
here,
he
wanted
to
work
pro
bono)
Ika
(identity)
does
not
choose
everything
that
has
occurred,
is
occurring
or
will
occur
in
her
Life.
Ika
(identity)
has
a
choice
every
moment.
Natural
Love
Unconditionally
accepting
Honoring
the
arrangement
Accepting
the
given
role
INSTINCTUAL
knowing
No
conscious
CHOICE
Effortless
unfolding
In
nature
and
in
the
Garden
of
Eden/Evil
before
the
rule
was
broken
Loving
principle
TRY
TO
ACCEPT
ALL
IN
THE
CONTEXT
OF
MANY
Conscious
acceptance
of
your
DIFFERENCES
Seeing
the
variety
of
MANY
and
Loving/accepting
it
Actively
chosen
acceptance
even
against
conditioning
Allowing
unfolding
THE
NON-EXISTENT
LOVE
AFFAIR
IS
Even
if
Love
is
so
un-expressed
by
CHOICE
(of
participants,
or
one
participant
in
the
case
of
love
un-requited)
that
for
the
identity
feeling
that
Love
it
becomes
unreal
(Ika
cannot
really
go
around
talking
any
more
about
E
after
ages
of
nothing,
well
only
in
this
book)
Do
not
worry
That
Love
IS
It
was/is/and
will
be
Beautifully
floating
in
the
shadow
Unbeaten
Un-wasted
With
your
names
on
it
Still
there
if
you
ever
find
that
NOW
is
appropriate
to
express
it
and
let
it
Live
on
Earth.
ACTION
(SEX)
Natural
has
its
own
momentum,
own
drive
you
might
feel
a
bit
overtaken
by
the
flow
you
are
flowing
though,
fully
doing
it,
it
gets
done
the
desire
might
feel
as
personally
un-chosen,
but
is
present
strongly
By
choice
you
work
it
creating
your
own
willpower
might
be
difficult
to
initiate
as
in
the
absence
of
(strong)
desire
I
dont
really
feel
like
it
now,
but
lets
do
it,
as
it
is
good
for
me
or
another
(others)
ENERGY=WILL
POWER=
the
driver
of
the
action
God
conceived
Adam
and
Eve
and
Many
of
One
now
conceive
at
much
more
impressive
rate
Anti-conception:
being
a
responsible
creator/manifestor
Harrys
quest
is
to
revenge
anyone.
ONEs
quest
is
to
Love
itself
in
any
expression.
To
express
anyone.
As
ONE
I
choose
my
own
expression
and
I
choose
my
own
conditioning
and
de-
conditioning.
Some
identities
are
born
with
many
challenges
as
health
challenges,
or
transgender
feelings,
or
challenging
callings.
However,
being
born
is
one
choice,
and
every
moment
is
another
choice
that
can
alter
the
experience.
In
the
perspective
of
ONE,
having
couple
of
half-vertebras
is
as
Loved/attended
to
as
having
a
perfectly
standard
skeleton.
The
choice
remains
for
the
IDENTITY
to
further
deal
with
her
condition
as
she
chooses.
Having
a
desire
to
paint
and
being
born
with
a
talent
for
painting
is
equally
attended
to
(Loved)
as
having
an
inquisitive
mind.
With
these
conditions,
people
can
choose
to
develop
their
painting
or
explore
spirituality
or
NOT.
If
you
choose
NO
to
your
condition,
you
will
alter
your
experience.
You
can
forget
painting
and
spirituality
and
shift
your
focus
(and
attend
to)
mothering.
Or
if
you
say
NO
every
moment
to
the
despair
of
Life
without
limbs,
you
can
alter
your
experience
and
become
a
great
source
of
hope
and
love
for
millions
of
people
as
Nick
Vujicic
has
done,
god
bless
him.
As
you
often
see
the
merit
of
yours
or
someone
elses
particular
experience
only
much
later,
you
might
complain
that
from
perspective
of
MANY/IDENTITY
you
cannot
fully
judge
the
impact
of
your
lifes
events
or
lives
of
others
(or
world
=
FREE
WILL
to
remember/recognize
INCLUDE/LOVE
ONEself
to
forget
EXCLUDE/NOT
LOVE
ONEself
UNABLE
TO
LOVE/INCLUDE
ONEself
more
in
ONE
Complete
No
choice
Cessation
of
existence
DEFINITELY
ABLE
TO
LOVE/INCUDE
ONEself
more
in
MANY
Variety
of
choices
Experience
Continuation/evolution
ATTRIBUTES
Could
I
accept/love
myself
like
this?
Could
I
accept/love
myself
like
that?
I
dont
know.
I
try
(experience).
ONE
by
choosing
the
attributes
own
conditioning,
forgetting
is
choosing
meaningful
existence
in
the
context
of
creation/illusions/MANY
ONE
is
non-existent
without
attributes
By
conditioning
oneself
by
forgetting:
ONE
challenges
oneself
to
be
accepted/included
and
loved
in
all
its
manifestations
in
the
context
of
MANY
in
the
infinite
EXPERIENCE
OF
NOW
NO
TREE,
IT
IS
SAID,
CAN
GROW
TO
HEAVEN,
UNLESS
ITS
ROOTS
REACH
DOWN
TO
HELL.
(C.
Jung,
god
bless
him)
Shared
from
Thinking
Minds
(Facebook)
This
IS
a
giffy,
so
imagine
the
heart
pumping
When
people
loose
the
separating
concept
of
SIN
When
they
embrace
all
aspects
of
their
existence
on
Earth
with
a
beating
heart
Then
they
might
find
themselves
to
be
a
NEW
AGE
and
to
be
a
GARDEN
OF
EDEN
where
trees
bear
no
forbidden
fruits
BEING
THE
NEW
GARDEN
First,
what
happened
at
the
beginning?
1. Adam
and
Eve
break
the
peace
and
quiet
by
their
enquiry.
Alternatively,
they
liberate
themselves
from
the
burden
of
ONEness
by
acquiring
variety.
2. They
are
expelled
from
such
choice-less
natural
love,
forgetting
their
MAN/GOD
ONEness,
their
true
nature.
3. Adam
and
Eve
wonder
the
Earth,
pro-create,
live
but
are
never
feel
GOOD
ENOUGH
carrying
the
stain
of
sin.
Some
wonder
whats
the
point
of
it
here,
others
miss
and
long
for
their
God.
Discovering
the
new
garden
3. Adam
and
Eve
stay
firmly
rooted
to
their
Earthly
existence.
With
a
beating
heart.
Together,
they
practice
Loving
principle
in
their
world.
2. They
can
choose
to
awaken
into
their
ONEness
by
remembering,
re-
turning
to
their
true
nature.
1. They
can
arrive
in
the
place
of
Neutrality
accepting
ALL
as
IS
in
its
variety.
Remembering
their
MAN/GOD
ONEness,
they
continue
to
experience
meaning
through
love,
(pro)creation
and
thinking
about
what
rule
they
could
brake
this
time.
=
FREE
WILL
to
enquire
CAN
I
BE
LOVED
AS
I
AM?
HOW
I
AM/WHO
I
AM
natural
learning/conditioning/
establishing
my
identity
I
AM-
a
sense
of
identity
CAN
I
BE
LOVED
AS
I
AM?
-
can
I
accept/love
my
life,
can
I
accept/love
life?
I
AM
always
adjustable
by
acquiring
or
removing
core
beliefs
THE
CORE-BELIEFS
FORGETTING
ONE
AND
ANCHORING
ME
TO
MY
IKA
IDENTITY
NOW
1) Its
crucial
to
check
my
Facebook,
in
case
some
OTHERS
experience
their
own
revelation
and
finally
invite
me
out
(for
coffee,
not
water).
2) It
is
enjoyable
to
sit
in
a
(relatively)
tidied
home
now,
although
the
experience
of
cleaning
is
truly
infinite.
3) As
I
hear
from
below
where
my
son
is
playing
with
his
Russian
friend:
some
call
chess
a
game
of
sacrifice.
You
need
black
and
white
to
continue,
but
if
the
players
are
buddies
(two
as
one),
it
is
not
about
winning
but
always
striving
for
the
best
choices.
4) I
am
definitely
anchored
by
listening
to
Plan
Bs
Playing
with
fire,
in
part
thinking
about
burning
these
pages,
in
part
thinking
its
too
late
for
you
Ika.
5) I
am
anchored
by
the
stories
in
my
books
(big
book,
comic
book
and
bible
book),
and
by
the
stories
that
others
tell
me.
By
my
father
who
reads
Tao
in
the
evening
but
would
send
over
a
part
of
Sunday
sermon
-last
Sunday
in
the
sermon
Jesus
re-appeared
back
on
Earth
to
prove
all
is
fine,
and
all
he
cared
to
do
was
help
his
disciple
guys
get
some
fish,
so
that
he
(and
them)
could
finally
eat.
6) Now
I
am
definitely
going
to
lab
next
Monday
(a
bit
of
an
oxymoron,
those
I
love).
Nothing
changed
in
my
external
reality,
nothing
in
my
biography.
Everything
is
different
than
I
thought/was
taught
before.
7) On
my
fridge
hangs
the
Fake
Fur
manga
rhyme
(although
the
drawings
are
also
highly
recommended!!):
When
I
finally
noticed
it,
It
was
too
late.
Love
if
only
I
knew
when
it
began
I
could
have
averted
my
eyes.
As
beautiful
as
it
is:
I
will
mess
with
it
a
bit.
Now
that
I
am
awake.
It
cant
be
early
or
late
Loving
was
in
the
beginning,
is
now,
and
ever
shall
be,
world
without
end.
Amen.
Loving
=
accepting
all
as
it
IS
(naturally
or
by
choice)
SECOND
SUNDAY
(day
14th)
By
this
time,
most
of
the
pages
of
these
notebooks
were
also
re-typed
into
my
laptop
and
I
woke
up
with
intention
to
live
another
day
and
sort
out
the
mess
at
the
beginning
of
notebook
5
(as
it
seemed
really
repetitive).
At
the
moment,
my
working
style
is
very
similar
by
that
experienced
during
my
studies
and
at
my
work
you
need
to
work
it
and
think
about
it.
I
have
no
real
guidance
as
in
a
sense
of
direct
though
of
do
like
this
or
strike
that
out.
I
have
a
strong
sense
that
I
shouldnt
go
back
and
edit
the
experience
(as
honestly
I
wouldnt
even
know
where
to
start,
as
those
questions
I
would
not
ask
from
the
retrospect),
nor
had
I
found
a
way
how
to
change
the
details
of
my
personal
life
to
make
it
even
more
anonymous
(for
example,
not
only
my
family
will
have
a
chance
to
recognize
me,
well,
my
sister
gave
me
the
nickname
when
we
were
toddlers,
but
also
I
did
express
myself
to
the
circle
of
my
dear
ones;
all
the
Letters
if
they
ever
encounter
this
text
and
read
it,
must
recognize
themselves).
I
would
have
to
fabricate.
I
have
no
idea
how.
Family,
friends,
Letters
and
everyone
that
is
part
of
this
story
(everyone
indeed)I
hope
very
much
you
will
support
the
spirit
of
anonymity.
But
most
importantly,
I
am
reading
that
quantum
book
which
combines
the
previous
quantum
books
now
(as
I
woke
up
freezing
and
weak,
and
interpreted
it
as
I
dont
have
the
power
to
go
and
sit
with
my
powerpoint)
and
I
would
like
to
make
a
final
series
of
notes
here.
Not
only
freezing,
I
am
also
annoyed.
Taking
radical
responsibility
for
me
in
this
moment,
I
am
disappointed
in
myself
for
giving
me
all
those
medical
troubles
(embarrassing
ones,
I
can
tell
you)
and
those
sad
occurrences
of
the
past
years
(yes,
that
boy
too)
all
that
just
to
be
ready
to
write
this
book??
(I
was
much
nicer
to
myself
though
in
the
earlier
life
giving
me
a
very
good
husband
and
of
course
B
aby)
IN
SHORT
Consider
1.
and
2.
not
to
be
points
-only
questions
summary
of
my
notes
from
the
6th
notebook
I
will
really
not
try
to
follow
my
logic
here,
as
its
a
time
of
Sunday
rest
Using
Brian
Coxs
Everything
that
can
happen
does
happen
as
a
shortcut/reference
1.
if
we
know
the
wave,
we
can
say
where
the
electron
is
likely
to
be
proposing
that
the
electron
wave
spreads
out
to
fill
the
Universe
in
an
instant
(IS)
-
the
electron
wave
here
as
defined
above
-
as
a
consciousness
in
the
context
of
(un-separable
from)
its
illusions/creation
2.
information
cannot
travel
faster
than
the
speed
of
light
as
c
is
the
speed
of
light,
-
the
universal
speed
limit
consciousness
in
the
context
of
creation
(c2)
(creation
and
consciousness
are
inversely
proportional
in
c2)
complete
within
myself
THIS
IS
MY
FINGER
RAISED
INTO
THE
FACE
OF
PROPER
EQUATION
E
=
M
x
E
NERGY
TO
DO/BE
WILL
POWER
Strength
to
do/to
be
at
the
moment
WILL
Pull
ONE
in
OTHERS,
in
time
(history)
and
space
M
Man
wants
to
do
as
he
wills:
closer
to
1
Man
doesnt
want
to
do
as
he
wills
(chooses
to
resist,
to
alter
his
experience)
closer
to
0
continues
as
RESISTING
YOUR
WILL
later
IT
IS
STILL
SUNDAY
AND
I
HAVE
BEEN
SLEEPING
A
LOT
SLEEP
choice-less
rest
acquiring
personal
POWER
to
alter/adjust
your
experience
at
every
waking
moment
DREAMS
In
sleep
I
remember
ONEself.
I
forget
my
personal
reality
and
discover
more
of
the
shadow.
The
grip
of
the
core
beliefs
is
loosened,
I
am
more
permeable
to
the
waves
of
thoughts/images
to
pass
through
and
show
me
what
IS.
BEING
IN
THE
FLOW
not
resisting
the
pull
or
calling
my
values
aligned
with
the
pull
(e.g.
now
I
finally
start
to
see
clearly
the
merit
of
the
book,
so
I
am
starting
to
really
enjoy
the
process
of
discovering
more)
feeling
you
are
in
the
right
place
doing
the
right
thing
naturally
like
a
fish
in
a
sea
no
need
to
rush
or
to
slow
down
paying
attention
to
your
thoughts,
feelings
and
dreams
what
are
they
trying
to
tell
me?,
what
are
the
people
around
telling
me?,
what
is
facebook
telling
me?
(what
is
the
universe
telling
me
now?)
appreciating
the
moment,
knowing
this
is
possibly
really
the
best
moment
of
my
life
no
doubting
the
purpose
can
concentrate
on
what
I
am
doing,
without
being
distracted
by
making
the
choice
the
choice
(yes
to
the
universe)
is
made
A
MAN
wants
to
do
WHAT
HE
WILLS
tapping
universal
energy
In
E=M
x
M=1
if
in
the
expanded
state
I
say
yesin
this
instance,
in
accordance
with
the
values
of
my
identity,
in
accordance
with
my
setting,
in
accordance
with
all
that
I
have
already
done
in
my
life,
I
CAN
now
do
what
I
WILL
(If
I
dislike
what
I
am
being
pulled
towards,
if
it
is
in
disagreement
with
IDENTITY
I
am
choosing
I
can
always
resist,
every
moment
of
every
day
and
my
experience
is
altered.)
KNOW
THIS
MY
BROTHER,
SINK
IT
DEEP
We
always
knew
within
that
LOVING
is
not
grabbing,
is
not
owning,
is
not
only
being
illogically
pulled
towards,
doesnt
need
to
be
dramatic,
is
not
just
admiring,
is
not
just
feeling
happy.
THE
LOVING
PRINCIPLE
(LOVING)
is
ACCEPTANCE
OF
WHAT
IS
and
there
is
no
higher
service
we
can
do
for
ANOTHER
than
accepting
him/her
as
they
are
NOW.
Lets
exchange
trying
to
see
the
good
in
ourselves
and
in
each
situation
and
person,
for
trying
to
see
ourselves
and
them
fully
as
we/they
are
and
accepting.
Sit
in
your
heart.
Sit
in
I
am
that
I
am.
Sit
in
he/she
is
as
they
are.
Sit
in
it
is
as
it
is.
Sit
in
your
heart.
Sit
in
the
center.
Sit
in
neutrality.
Sit
in
your
heart.
As
consciousness
can
exist
only
in
the
context
of
its
creation
there
is
no
heaven
of
pure
consciousness
and
you
dont
need
to
long
for
that
home
to
come
back
to.
YOU
ARE
HOME
(still
that
same
yin-yang
place).
And
because
we
cannot
know
how
our
interconnected
actions
will
influence
each
other,
how
very
valuable
something
we
are
going
through
or
are
working
on
was,
is
and
will
be
-
each
moment
is
precious,
for
us
to
BE.
We
are
not
an
accident
of
our
parents,
we
are
not
some
forgotten
people
sitting
closed
up
in
our
homes
(or
our
cells,
or
our
hospital
beds).
We
are
consciousness
in
its
creation
that
is
needed.
That
is
wanted.
Lets
put
it
really
straight
nothing
IS
without
us.
We
are
required
to
BE.
ALLOW
LOVE
There
was
a
time
when
naturally
only
a
man
and
a
woman
could
continue
existence
together.
There
was
a
time
when
human
gender
seemed
to
be
fixed.
There
was
a
time
when
human
had
less
time
to
live
in
one
lifetime.
Creating
a
union
between
a
man
and
a
woman
very
early
in
their
lives,
having
children
and
maintaining
that
stable
home
for
the
children
to
grow
in,
was
the
standard
channel,
the
appropriate
most
meaningful-
scenario
at
those
times.
In
the
human
life
now,
is
there
still
a
biological
need
for
a
relationship
with
another?
Hell
yes.
(Life
without
the
pleasure
of
sexcease
existence!!)
But
not
only
are
the
gender
or
parental
obligations
now
much
more
mixed,
most
importantly
the
families
with
parents
of
older
ages
or
the
families
of
parents
of
the
same
gender
are
possible
in
the
context
of
current
science
and
medicine.
As
procreation
and
family
life
in
this
time
is
no
longer
dependent
on
one
defined
model
of
relationship
between
adults,
your
relationship
is
always
a
choice.
You
can
choose
what
you
prefer,
what
feels
right
for
you
(for
yourself
and
others
around
you).
Mutual
exclusivity
is
a
choice.
Spending
the
entire
life
together
with
another
is
a
choice
(every
moment
of
that
life
together).
Exquisite
choice
-
and
the
only
one
appropriate
-
for
some
but
not
all.
Is
it
possible
to
hold
two
people
romantically
in
your
heart?
For
sure,
and
most
of
us
have
done
it
but
BASHING
OURSELVES
for
that
for
a
bigger
heart
(calling
it
an
unstable
organ
which
cannot
commit
properly
and
in
depth).
Holding
more
people
in
your
heart
is
perfectly
compatible
with
expressing
what
is
appropriate
for
you
according
to
your
values
-
to
what
you
feel
is
right.
You
might
not
feel
it
is
right
to
start
a
relationship
with
a
farther/mother
of
a
family,
on
the
contrary
it
might
feel
damn
painful
and
not
at
all
an
option
for
you.
Yet,
the
love
for
that
untouchable
mother/father
still
is,
persists.
What
of
it?
A
broken
heart?
No!!
A
bigger
heart
put
the
untouchable
in
that
heart
to
sit
in.
You
might
think;
well
I
will
run
out
of
chairs,
there
can
be
an
entire
convention
of
untouchables
happening
in
my
heart
right
now.
Does
that
mean
you
are
unsuccessful
in
love
in
the
outer
world?
You
are
doing
things
wrong?
There
are
no
available
people
left?
That
is
for
you
to
explore
and
discover.
In
the
meantime,
your
current
untouchables
sit
in
a
comfortable
place.
The
expression
of
love
towards
someone
is
your
choice-
I
accept
you
and
your
beautifully
very
different
attitude
by
being
slightly
annoyed
and
raising
my
middle
finger.
I
am
amused
by
your
otherness
in
a
heated
discussion,
listening
for
what
I
am
telling
myself
this
time.
I
love
you
with
words,
I
love
you
with
hugs,
and
I
love
you
with
everything
I
have.
No
need
to
bind,
children,
partners,
friends.
Some
might
be
lost
in
time
and
space
for
me
in
this
life,
but
I
wait
for
the
sweet
return
of
love
by
its
own
choice
(my
audible
addicted
F
riend,
I
wait).
In
the
language
of
colors,
the
age
of
enlightenment
is
the
age
when
all
the
parts
of
the
rainbow
are
combined
to
shine.
Detaching
from
the
obligation
of
the
life-
long
monogamy
of
a
man
and
woman
that
must
persist
no
matter
what,
does
not
mean
detaching
from
love
this
is
my
solemn
vow,
I
promise
you
this
from
my
heart,
with
my
soul,
for
all
the
days
of
my
life.
ALLOW
Ok,
ok,
ok,
but
I
AM
TIRED!!!
I
live
another
day,
24h
a
day
I
do,
but
I
am
fucking
tired.
Exhausted.
Everything
hurts
me
too,
we
really
dont
have
space
to
outline
here
the
details
of
that
everything
(however
much
I
would
enjoy
that,
to
properly
complain,
after
deep-
looking
and
dissecting
my
sorry
physical
condition!!).
My
heart
is
full
of
untouchables,
my
account
is
not
full
at
all!!
These
are
facts
in
my
reality
(dont
start
with
the
illusion
now!).
And
that
is
just
myself
-
ok,
I
can
deal.
But
others
in
my
life,
my
friends,
my
family
some
of
them
are
having
a
really
rough
time.
Lots
of
illness,
loneliness,
work
disappointments,
family
arguments,
sadness,
tears,
do
you
hear
me??
What
about
that?
I
know
it
IS
(dont
repeat
anymore,
please).
I
am
shouting
what
about
that
IS?
(No
jokes
here.)
Allow.
Allow
yourself
The
tears.
I
dont
know
what
to
do.
I
dont
even
give
a
shit
about
spinning
some
balls
in
my
mind,
I
am
so
tired.
I
am
disappointed
in
the
product,
in
the
relationship,
in
my
own
children!!!!
I
absolutely
dont
have
the
energy
for
anything
(not
even
removing
a
core
belief
about
not
having
the
energy).
I
wish
I
had
a
telephone
number
for
that
D,
so
he
could
drum
and
I
and
this
terrible
mess
around
me
could
dissolve
into
essence.
Allow
others
Their
problems.
Their
lessons.
Their
struggle.
Their
feelings.
Their
not
knowing
what
to
do.
Allow.
Take
it
as
a
void.
I
void
here
in
the
core
of
the
Earth,
I
am
looking
pretty
mad.
I
have
decided
to
open
my
heart
as
much
as
I
can,
but
nothing
is
happening
yet.
It
is
a
long
break.
Manic
drums
are
beating,
I
void.
I
dont
know
where
this
is
going,
I
void.
I
wonder
Is
this
how
it
ends?
I
void.
Until
the
Earth
bursts,
my
body
bursts,
my
heart
bursts
and
from
that
heart
I
re-
emerge
and
am
re-grown
into
a
new
situation,
into
a
new
Life.
UNDERSTAND
WHAT
YOU
ARE
MADE
OF
AND
DONT
JUST
RUN
ON
DEFAULT
SETTINGS
Ok,
so
LOVING
WHAT
IS
really
means
ACCEPTING
WHAT
IS.
So
I
can
just
accept
from
my
bed:
the
people
in
my
life,
my
work
situation,
the
mess
I
call
my
life.
Why
read
so
many
pages
just
to
say
ACCEPT?
To
understand
that
accepting
what
IS
-
is
not
resignation
at
all!!.
It
is
comprehension
of
what
IS
is
made
of.
Of
what
we
are
all
made
of
of
our
COMMON
true
nature.
Of
the
necessity
of
attributes,
of
the
beauty
of
otherness,
of
the
meaningful
continuation.
To
understand
that
consciousness
is
meaningfully
continuing
through
the
lives
of
all
of
us
billions,
together
with
those
that
were
and
will
be.
It
is
so
complex
that
no
single
human
alone
has
the
ability
to
understand
it
in
its
entirety
and
no
two
extremely
sophisticated
manifestations
(yes,
us
humans!!)
even
if
of
the
same
make
(of
ONE/)
could
ever
have
the
same
life
experience.
But
most
important
of
all
-
to
start
exploring
yourself
and
your
life
experience.
TRUE
LEARNING
for
a
human
means
gaining
an
understanding
of
how
to
use
ones
functions
with
the
most
efficiency
(and
pleasure
if
possible).
How
do
I
reach
for
all
that
IS
within
me?
How
do
I
change
my
current
experience
if
I
am
not
enjoying
my
situation?
How
can
I
alter
myself
if
I
am
not
satisfied
with
my
current
identity?
How
can
I
re-adjust
my
settings
that
I
was
born
into/given
(my
conditioning
-
my
environment)
now
and
what
will
be
the
outcome?
having
to
find
a
new
hobby
(yes,
the
carpet
was
removed
from
the
bath
tub,
FINALLY).
Deal
with
love,
as
it
is
and
always
will
be
coming
to
you.
But
these
core
beliefs
were
put
in
place
after
experiencing
illness,
pain,
heartbreak,
etc.
(and
for
quite
some
time).
I
did
not
just
decide
after
two
weeks
of
cold
that
I
would
never
be
entirely
healthy
again!
Or
after
two
bad
dates
that
romance
is
out
of
reach.
Everything
we
talked
about
earlier
is
correct.
We
all
experience,
we
experience
different
scenarios
of
what
IS.
What
we
need
to
try
to
come
to
recognition
and
to
try
to
love
all.
What
we
need
to
achieve
intended.
You
Ika
like
to
proclaim
very
loudly
and
often
how
I
dont
think
you
can
really
teach
anyone
anything
of
value
and
you
even
really
feel
that
your
work
chore
of
talking
to
students
from
the
position
of
the
supervisor
is
a
bit
of
a
waste
of
time
what
when
they
can
read
first,
and
then
they
can
do
experiments!!
Performing
a
method
successfully
once
with
your
supervisor
only
shows
that
it
can
be
done.
Then
it
takes
months
or
years
to
encounter
most
of
the
problems
or
biases
within
that
method
and
try
to
troubleshoot
them.
As
much
as
I
dont
like
the
term
lessons
you
cant
read
your
lessons,
and
you
indeed
need
to
live
your
experiments,
live
your
illness
and
live
your
heartbreak.
If
you
pay
attention,
will
they
lead
you
to
recognition
and
increased
Loving/acceptance?
Hopefully
yes.
If
you
fail
to
include/accept
first
time
around,
you
might
provide
yourself
with
the
same
experience
and
an
opportunity
to
make
a
different
choice
and
LOVE
WHAT
IS.
Hopefully
your
experiences
will
steer
you
in
two
directions.
One
is
the
concept
we
have
just
discussed
working
towards
the
largest
acceptance,
the
biggest
heart.
Challenging
yourself
with
everything
you
are
resisting.
If
you
cannot
accept
others
telling
you
what
to
do,
you
might
repeatedly
encounter
superiors
that
will
treat
you
from
a
position
of
strict
authority.
If
you
cannot
accept
serving
others
with
joy
or
some
sense
of
satisfaction,
you
might
challenge
yourself
with
demanding
family
members,
or
co-workers
and
feel
in
the
constant
servitude.
Try
to
accept,
grow
that
heart
and
see
what
happens.
Accept
authority,
accept
that
serving
is
a
privilege
(and
if
you
dont
want
to
do
something,
then
dont).
Accept
and
put
in
your
heart.
Once
you
go
out
into
the
world
with
authority
and
joyful
chosen
service
sitting
firmly
in
your
heart,
let
me
know
what
happens.
The
bigger
the
heart,
the
lighter
the
walk,
the
walk
is
becoming
the
flow.
That
brings
us
to
the
second
direction
into
which
experiences
steer
us.
To
do/be
what
IS
intended.
To
deliver.
If
we
still
choose
yes.
We
can
deliver
a
baby.
We
can
deliver
a
book.
We
can
deliver
parties
for
our
friends.
We
can
be
steered
towards
a
role.
A
condom
broke,
I
am
a
mother.
Photograph
spoke,
I
am
a
writer
of
awkward
books,
etc.
But
there
was
a
choice,
IS
a
choice,
always
to
resist.
That
brings
us
to
the
resistance.
Resistance
to
accept
what
IS
is
a
choice.
Respected.
Heard.
But
might
it
be
painful?
Hell
yes.
Might
it
feel
like
there
is
no
power
to
go
on?
Tired?
In
an
awkward
loop
of
repeated
experiences?
Weird
stuff
happening
all
around?
Even
within
the
most
physical
reality
children
being
really
antagonistic,
illnesses,
financial
struggle?
Consider.
Make
a
list:
what
am
I
resisting?
Children
making
terrible
mess
and
not
performing
in
school
as
I
would
wish,
not
being
able
to
work
as
hard
as
usually
when
I
am
ill,
accepting
money
from
anyone.
Could
you
look
deeply
and
see
if
you
might
accept?
Mess,
lying
in
bed,
financial
injection
from
your
grandmother.
Could
you?
Grow
that
heart,
for
yourself
and
others.
All
those
experiences
that
you
encountered
were
valuable.
But
did
they
prove
you
are
an
ill
person?
Did
they
provide
unalterable
evidence
that
you
from
now
on
live
a
life
of
Virgin
Mary
turn
spinster
with
age
that
is
unless
those
tests
you
are
going
to
have
dont
work
out
so
you
could
check
out
earlier.
No
way.
No
evidence.
Check
yourself,
the
queen
of
pain,
suffering
and
death.
Saying:
you
are
the
most
beautiful
creature
I
have
ever
seen
(not
recently
though)
but
unfortunately
a
very
ill
spinster.
Loving
all
but
choosing
not
to
receive
any
from
others.
Honor
others,
dont
underestimate
your
MANY.
They
have!
They
can!
As
much
as
you
do.
They
can
give
and
you
can
receive.
Down
with
what
you
are
resisting!!
Down
with
un-useful
core
beliefs!
See
your
reality
change
in
front
of
your
eyes,
and
this
time
that
doesnt
mean
the
world
will
be
floating
and
disappearing.
VALIDITY
Also,
how
could
we
have
any
trust
in
the
validity
of
this
text?
If
we
are
all
of
ONE,
and
I
still
obviously
have
some
conditioning
left
-not
only
I
could
never
know/be
sure
what
the
other
people
are
really
thinking
or
what
they
would
do,
I
also
obviously
still
carry
many
core
beliefs
defining
Ikas
life
experience
then
why
should
this
book
be
any
more
believable
or
correct
than
the
works
of
consciousness
in
other
manifestations?
It
shouldnt
be.
The
book
if
successful
should
promote
enquiry.
Disbelief.
In
the
human
history
up
till
now,
it
has
been
well
documented
that
people
actively
embrace
facts
given
or
actively
subscribe
to
certain
beliefs.
And
not
only
in
case
of
religious
belief
systems,
which
explicitly
require
faith.
Were
the
big
lies
or
misinformation
throughout
human
history
hidden
as
terrible
secrets?
No!
Out
in
the
plain
sight,
UNQEUSTIONED.
Can
real
deep
questioning
of
the
basic
premises
of
our
existence
be
extremely
uncomfortable?
Extremely
indeed.
Sad
even.
Slowly
slowly
catchie
monkey.
WHO
IS
TALKING
So
I
am
starting
to
feel
very
similar
than
at
the
beginning
of
this
quest.
I
am
back
into
my
Ika
identity,
I
feel
quite
comfortable,
if
a
little
tired,
and
I
start
to
perceive
again
as
if
we
were
talking.
Now
that
I
know
that
this
is
the
consciousness,
I
wonder
why
is
the
Above
and
Below
perspective
continuing?
Why
are
we
talking
as
two
people
if
not
only
we
are
of
ONE
but
everyone/thing
IS
(it
sank
deep).
Because
that
is
what
you
prefer.
Not
to
see
the
divinity
(in
your
old
language)
within
you
but
to
see
it
as
something
that
might
have
visited
you
for
a
while.
As
-
I
expanded
my
consciousness,
but
thanks
goodness
HE
is
gone
now.
Trickster.
Once
you
accept
that
you
are
Ika
with
expanded
consciousness,
you
might
notice
that
HE
disappears
for
good,
and
you
continue
writing
your
BULL-shit
on
your
own.
APPENDIX
1
So
today
is
my
very
last
day
of
working
on
this
text.
It
has
been
almost
three
weeks
my
parents
are
coming
for
a
visit
they
planned
long
ago
tomorrow
and
I
have
no
more
holiday
days
to
take
off
work.
I
have
a
list
of
few
discrepancies
in
the
text
that
I
wish
to
understand
further
and
describe
better
(now
included
in
appendix
2).
However,
my
main
problem
for
some
time
is
trying
to
delete
out
my
father
and
my
boss
out
of
the
text.
I
dont
like
the
context
in
which
they
both
appear
in
the
text,
but
I
havent
found
a
way
how
to
replace.
Why
would
you
want
to
replace?
Are
these
not
your
people
and
favorite
ones
for
that
matter?
Yes
they
are,
but
it
is
different
although
utterly
uncomfortable
too-
to
describe
your
own
attributes,
or
your
own
bathtub
etc.
then
to
talk
about
attributes
of
others
however
anonymously.
Because
you
think
these
are
not
attributes-
clean
compliments?
You
wish
these
guys
were
different?
Not
really,
but
you
know
I
know,
after
three
weeks
of
writing
this
text,
after
recognizing
it
is
you
(as
well
as
EveryBody
else)
writing
it,
after
beautifully
editing
and
understanding
everything
that
is
mentioned
here,
you
are
still
trying
to
find
a
way
how
to
turn
at
least
what
is
in
your
life
into
purified
goody-goody
(if
the
fucking
point-
vibration
cant
loose
that
variety).
And
even
though
you
are
going
through
with
this
book,
as
you
KNOW
this
IS
helping,
and
IS
speaking
to
your
heart
(not
only
in
words,
but
also
in
point-vibration),
and
although
there
is
that
volcano-loving
punk
coming
through
in
moments
with:
in
your
face
Eminem!
who
is
the
meanest
MC
on
this-
on
this
Earth
NOW?;
you
still
prefer
to
spend
time
holding
those
images
of
your
people
hurt
or
offended
and
of
those
readers
that
will
be
hurt,
shocked
and
powerless
to
deal.
Who
will
be
loosing
their
God,
their
soul
stripped
of
loving
Jesus,
doom
and
gloom,
pain
and
suffering.
Death.
Ok,
I
really
think
this
book
is
finished
NOW.
You
understand.
Now
live
it.
LIVE
IT
Ika
and
you
will
see
that
continuing
purpose
for
you
OUT
THERE.
APPENDIX
2
THE
MORE
OFTEN
YOU
DIE,
THE
MORE
YOU
CREATE?
Only
under
the
condition
of
being
able
to
come
back
to
you
and
maintain
firm
connection
with
your
identity.
ESSENCE
TO
MANIFEST
Means
to
bring
into
your
experience.
To
become,
to
acquire
,
to
produce.,
to
engage
in.
Larger
creator/manifestor:
Brings
more
into
his/her
experience.
He
can
see
Yeti
and
manifest
scared-
shitless
little
prophets.
She
can
speak
with
the
Trickster
about
common
true
nature
and
grudgingly
manifest
a
book
in
under
the
three
weeks.
They
can
stop
fearing,
accept
this
larger
reality
and
hopefully
enjoy.
They
can
impress
the
beauty
and
privilege
of
being
the
creator
on
others.
SEE=SPEAK
WITH=MANIFEST=CREATE=EXPERIENCE
The
identity
experiences
itself
and
the
world
around=
the
identity
manifests
(creates)
itself
and
the
world
around
NATURE
OF
YOUR
EXISTENCE
What
you
bring
into
your
experience
is
forming
your
personal
reality.
In
Pablos
language:
Everything
you
can
image
is
real.
The
more
people
see
Yeti,
the
more
real
Yetis
presence
on
the
planet
is
becoming.
The
more
people
see
how
it
could
be
possible
to
accept/love
differences
of
others
and
enjoy
expressing
themselves
authentically,
the
more
NON-CONFLICT
on
the
planet
is
real.
If
you
are
content
with
your
current
situation,
if
you
are
enjoying
your
word,
if
you
are
I
love
enough,
and
need
for
knowledge
that
never
happened
to
me!
void
in
satisfaction.
If
you
are
not
so
satisfied,
if
you
wonder
what
more
IS
and
what
more
to
love
imagine.
APPENDIX
3
Notes
from
Ikas
meditation
notebook
over
the
past
six
months
Cioran
Notes
Anything
that
defies
logical
mind
can
lift
the
veil
of
illusion.
Align
yourself
with
the
Law
of
One
(whatever
I
do
to
you
I
do
to
myself)
combined
with
the
Shopin
law:
sorrow
is
tasted
at
own
cost.
Kundalini
offers
doors
to
another
dimension,
an
extra
perception,
which
can
be
blocked
anytime
by
logical
mind.
It
is
our
choice
how
we
integrate
Kundalini
rising
into
our
daily
experience
(focus
on
psychic
vs
focus
on
healing
vs
focus
on
love
and
service)
People
can
rise
each
others
kundalini
not
(only)
in
a
relationship,
but
in
an
ENCOUNTER
(akin
the
waiting
line
for
a
guru)
who
am
I
not?...
this
body
how
can
I
best
help
myself?....meditate
how
can
I
best
help
others?...meditate
why
does
it
hurt
so
much
for
me
to
love
certain
people?...attachment
how
can
I
dissolve
that
attachment?....selfless
love,
unconditional
love
wherever
you
are
with
whoever
you
are
whatever
you
do
I
love
you
Other
people
have
life
as
complex
and
troubled.
You
in
different
clothes.
Anything
you
like
and
dislike
about
them
is
what
you
have
in
you.
They
have
nothing
more
or
less
than
you,
they
just
show
different
parts
of
the
whole,
sharing
a
different
aspect
of
what
we
are.
By
having
that
thought
I
love
you
everything
is
made
alright.
Why
are
we
even
supposed
to
be
in
human
relationships,
what
is
the
purpose
of
relationship?
For
the
spirit
to
test
all
sorts
of
forms
of
love
Falling
instantly
in
love
with
a
taken
man
and
inviting
him
home
that
is
also
love
Calling
someone
in
the
blackout
that
is
also
love
Rejecting
someone
because
of
your
loyalty
to
your
spouse
that
is
also
love
Inviting
someone
repeatedly
to
private
parties
when
not
being
able
to
show
for
a
meeting/date
that
is
also
love
Absorbing
the
embarrassment
of
the
hopeless
and
arguably
undignified
attempts
to
put
it
together
that
is
also
love
Etc.
Today
I
read
Cioranbut
whats
the
point
in
thinking?
Knowledge
comes
to
me
as
an
uninvited
visitor
I
read
spiritual
masters
talking
about
the
need
for
discrimination.
Discrimination
between
SuperEgo
and
Kundalini/Spirit.
What
discrimination?
Knowing
seems
to
me
above
doubt,
doubtless,
a
permanent
compulsion.
About
Nadja:
By
living
out
those
random
thoughts,
that
ideal
of
a
professional
surrealists
mind,
she
defied
the
ego
mind/logical
mind,
the
illusion
of
sense
and
order,
the
physical
plane
matrix.
She
is
propelled
to
action
by
her
deep
within
and
that
is
why
she
touches
my
heart.
Like
Cioran
says
the
only
way
to
reach
another
person
at
any
depth
is
to
move
towards
what
is
deepest
in
yourself.
I
dont
trust
people
who
didnt
kill
themselves
at
one
point.
If
you
ever
want
to
validate
your
telepathy/extrasensory
perceptions,
go
to
AA.
There
you
sit
next
to
someone
who
sooner
or
later
upon
principles
of
rigorous
honestly
tells
her
story.
Whatever
confused,
violent
or
evil
act
someone
around
you
comitted,
whatever
absurd
situation
you
have
been
in,
in
time
with
experience
and
the
years
passed
you
either
come
to
understand
it
or
it
looses
all
significance.
The
truth
is
at
your
fingertips,
it
resonates
with
you.
Meaning
of
life?
The
magical
variety
of
forms
that
express
the
boundlessness
of
love
and
creativity.
One
form
delights
in
listening
to
the
form
of
jazz
(Radio
One)
another
group
of
forms
(A
Besson
quartet)
have
created.
The
joy
of
it!!!
Even
in
my
dreams
I
say
goodbye
to
yesterday
and
tomorrow.
Cioran,
Cioran,
one
can
so
love
his
thinking
mind
that
he
never
fully
gives
it
up
and
steps
away
from
what
he
thinks/knows
to
be
in
the
mindless
realm.
On
gossip:
If
I
have
a
relationship
with
someone
and
share
events,
conversations,
lifethen
at
least
half
of
that
experience
belongs
to
that
other
party
To
feel
about.
To
talk
about.
To
have
opinions
about.
To
hold
grudges.
And
to
share
further
With
as
many
others
And
as
much
as
they
wish
And
it
is
none
of
my
business.
AA
for
alcoholics
is
like
a
good
meditation.
People
come
to
be
purified
of
whatever
ego
mind/body
and
spirits
problems
weighing
them
down.
I
come
here
to
be
a
normal
human
being.
Experience
you
cannot
borrow.
There
is
no
second
hand
experience,
only
second
hand
story.
(Story
for
mind
to
ruminate
over,
experience
for
the
spirit
to
mature.)
Every
experience
has
its
merits.
Perhaps
excluding
those
where
you
intentionally
inflict
harm
on
others.
Never
bind
and
never
reject.
I
shall
no
longer
read
Shopenhauer
and
argue
with
a
man
so
offensively
dead.
In
relationship,
the
good
and
bad
co-create
the
bond,
the
bond
is
in
evolution
parallel
to
both
'individual'
souls.
Relationship
is
a
creation,
and
like
an
art
piece
acquires
many
forms,
from
conventional
old
masters
to
post-modern.
The
greatest
sin
is
for
the
co-creators
not
to
express
themselves
fully.
Its
your
art,
and
the
art
piece
has
a
lasting
value,
it
can
be
comical,
tragic,
light
or
heavy,
smaller
or
huger
than
those
who
made
it.
Don't
judge
your
past
art,
stop
by
often,
admire
its
colors
and
feel
its
mood.
Art
is
good
for
the
heart.
I
don't
want
to
talk
about
anything
that
can
be
described
by
words.
...its
the
never-to-be-cleared
up,
the
illogical
,
the
this-would-ruin-your-
reputation,
the
un-uttered,
the
un-comprehended---
waking
you
from
the
dream
of
normality
and
propelling
you
onwards..or
upwards?
Judgmentputting
labels
on
the
experiences
of
others
(how
does
his
experience
of
loving
another
relate
to
me...betrayal,
etc.)
Judgments
caused
the
pain
(judgment
of
self...guilt,
judgment
of
another...resentment)
I
am
innocent
as
a
child
and
I
forgive
everything
We
are
just
individual
souls
evolving,
experiences
are
necessary,
what
do
you
know
what
it
is
good
for
(for
that
soul
that
goes
through
it)
I
thought
(brought
up)
that
being
'good'
is...living
according
to
a
set
of
rules,
that
applied
generally
(but
are
also
sets
of
judgments)
The
love
for
the
unsuitable
partner,
the
illogical
non-match,
the
hopeless
un-
union,
the
magnetizing
repelling
attraction...comes
from
above
mind...
have
to
respect
that
rejections
R
Ejections
in
new
directions
The
love
of
god
in
the
unenlightened
The
awareness
of
god
feels
like
a
knowledge
of
my
mother's
love
You
can
experience
it
when
you
visit,
you
don't
doubt
it,
but
at
times
it
doesn't
seem
to
be
so
important
in
your
everyday
That
crazed
laugh
marking
the
center
of
contradictions.
We
have
decided
on
the
action
of
stalemate.
Perceive
the
illogical
as
a
glimpse
of
the
greater,
of
the
unlimited
from
the
limited
perspective
(I
know
this
is
not
crazy,
I
just
need
a
wider
view).
Illogical
and
unreasonable
things
are
the
most
beautiful
they
dont
come
from
our
brains.
The
moment
when
I
was
content
with
all
of
how
my
life
have
been,
when
it
all
made
prefect
sense
I
realized
I
am
dozing
off.
Maintaining
ones
reputation
might
be
such
hard
work,
that
there
is
no
time
left
for
any
work
of
value.
The
only
reputation
I
recognize
is
my
image
in
the
eyes
of
my
loved
ones
Like
the
bad
son
returning
back
to
the
God
father,
when
you
engage
with
evil
and
conquer,
is
that
perhaps
worth
more
than
avoiding
it
altogether.
Each
person
is
perfect
until
and
unless
I
want
something
from
them.
It
is
my
lack
of
that
I
then
recognize
as
someone
elses
fault.
Striving
for
credit
is
saying
the
creator
is
more
important
than
the
creation;
that
the
value
of
the
name
tag
is
above
the
value
of
the
product.
Saying
I
need
credit
is
saying
I
need
the
external
acknowledgment
for
what
I
have
created.
That
neither
the
process
of
creation
nor
the
product
itself
is
a
sufficient
reward.
In
this
incarnation
I
shall
lower
my
objectives-
from
understand
men
to
endure
men
graciously.
You
cant
help
anyone
who
considers
each
thing
well
done
by
you
(even
if
for
their
profit)
as
another
proof
of
their
own
incompetence.
Sometimes
I
prefer
sending
love,
peace
and
courage
to
the
world
from
my
meditation
carpet
in
my
bathroom
rather
than
going
out
of
the
house
and
meeting
a
person.
Nothing
puts
you
back
into
old
ways
as
your
grandmother
looking
through
your
photos,
selecting
the
one
from
you
dark
night
of
the
soul
day
with
a
happy
exclamation:
Here,
you
look
exactly
as
You.
When
god
is
silent,
your
old
self/ego
mind
returns
in
full
force.