THE MARRIAGE RECONCILIATION CONFERENCE

A Time of Hope and Encouragement for Individuals

& Couples Dealing with Marriages Broken by
Separation and Divorce

Copyright 2013 by John Cayce

All rights reserved.

Dedication
This booklet is dedicated to all the ministers of
reconciliation in the kingdom of God who by taking
up the cross in their marriages are demonstrating
the unconditional love of Christ to a hurting and
broken world.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be
called sons of God. Matthew 5:9

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Table of Contents. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i
A Letter from John and Diane Cayce . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ii
Introduction: What is Marriage Reconciliation? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Lesson One: The Meaning of Reconciliation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Lesson Two: Seven Reasons to Seek Reconciliation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Lesson Three: The Three-Step Process of Reconciliation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Step One: Be Reconciled to God
Step Two: Be Reconciled to Yourself
Step Three: Be Reconciled to Your Spouse
Lesson Four: Three Things You Must Do to Complete the Process of Reconciliation . . 17
First: Be Committed to Reconciliation Even When It Hurts
The Four Qualities of a Promise Keeper
The Dangers of Dating While Waiting for Reconciliation
Second: Believe in God to Do What is Impossible for You to Do
Third: Wait on the Lord (Not on Your Spouse)
Lesson Five: The Key to Reconciling a Broken Marriage: Unconditional Love. . . 29

Characteristics of Unconditional Love

Three Types of Unconditional Love
Husband, Love Your Wife Even When She Acts Like Your Enemy
Wife, Love Your Husband Even When He Acts Like Your Enemy

Lesson Six: Seven Dos and Donts for Separated or Divorced Spouses . . . . . . . . 39
Desiring Reconciliation
Closing Words of Encouragement: STAND FIRM! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43
Additional Resources

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47

Dear Friends,
Welcome to the Marriage Reconciliation Conference! It is not a coincidence
that you are here today. We believe that God brought you to this conference out of
His compassion and love for you so that you would receive the encouragement,
hope and guidance you need to overcome the crises you are facing in your marriage.
Although it grieves us to know you are suffering brokenness in your marriage, we
thank God that He sent you our way so that we might comfort you with the comfort
we ourselves have received from God. II Corinthians 1:3-7
The breakup of marriage and families through divorce is, by far, the single
most destructive force in our society and the church today. Nearly two out of every
three marriages end in divorce and a high percentage of people divorce more than
once. What is even more troubling is that Christian couples are divorcing at the
same rate as non-Christians!
The destructive impact divorce has on the adults and children traumatized by
it are well documented. Recent psychological studies show that the victims of
divorce suffer profound emotional and psychological damage that does not
substantially diminish over time. No wonder God says he hates divorce. Divorce is
not a solution; it is part of the problem!
The purpose of the Marriage Reconciliation Conference, however, is not to
condemn divorced couples or to focus on the evils of divorce. Rather, the mission
of the conference is to encourage and give hope to individuals and couples with
marriages in crisis by helping them discover and apply the biblical principles for
conquering divorce and for healing the damage that is often left in its wake. As a
conference participant, you will discover how you can be a minister of
reconciliation in your marriage, which will not only dramatically increase the
potential for restoring your marriage after it has been broken by separation or
divorce, but enable you to experience the awesome power and reassuring presence
of God in all other areas of your life.
Our prayer is that the Marriage Reconciliation Conference will inspire you to
answer Jesus call to be reconciled. Your decision to say yes to that call will
give you and your family the opportunity to experience the peace, joy and love of
God as never before, and allow Him to use your life to demonstrate to the world the
reconciling power of the Cross to redeem hopelessly broken marriage relationships.
John and Diane Cayce, on behalf of
The Hills Church of Christ
Marriage Reconciliation Ministry

ii

INTRODUCTION
WHAT IS MARRIAGE RECONCILIATION?
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ
and gave us the ministry of reconciliation . . . And he has committed
to us the message of reconciliation. II Corinthians 5:18-19
John and Diane Cayce founded the Marriage Reconciliation ministry at The
Hills Church of Christ in August of 1991 to encourage those who are struggling with
separation, divorce or a seemingly hopeless marriage to trust in Gods power and
principles to heal and restore their marriage, as He did for John and Diane.
The Cayces learned first hand how difficult and painful it is to move toward
reconciliation after a marriage has been completely destroyed by sin, but they found
that no marriage problem is impossible for God to solve. They struggled with a bad
marriage for ten years before Diane left John with their daughter, Heather, and
obtained a divorce. During their three-year separation, John committed to remain
open to reconciliation and to allow God sufficient time to work in his and Dianes
life and to increase Johns spiritual and emotional growth. God eventually softened
Dianes heart toward John and gave her the desire to reestablish a marriage
relationship with him. Then, after many tough months, God gradually drew Diane
to Himself and completely restored her relationship with John. John and Diane
repeated their marriage vows in 1988, which God later blessed with the gift of a
second daughter, Meredith.
Through this life changing experience, John found that the same God who
raised Jesus from the dead, can and will resurrect dead or dying marriages from the
grave of separation and divorce. Like the Apostle Paul, John discovered that the
pain and hardship he endured happened so that he would learn to rely not on
himself, but on God, who raises the dead. II Corinthians 1:9 It is on God that
John and Diane have since encouraged countless others in marital conflict to set
their hope for the healing and redemption of their marriages.
As Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:26, With God, all things are possible. For
the members of the Marriage Reconciliation ministry this means that no marital
difficulty or brokenness is beyond Gods power to heal and restore for those who are
willing to stand for their marriages by putting their trust in God and waiting on
Him to complete His reconciling work in their lives.

The main work of the Marriage Reconciliation ministry is carried out through
weekly help group sessions in which the members share with one another their faith,
hope and experiences. All sessions are under the guidance of trained individuals
called facilitators, most of whom are couples that have reconciled after separation
and divorce. The love and encouragement of fellow standers, coupled with daily
prayer and the study and application of Gods Word, gives each of the help groups
members the peace and strength necessary to successfully overcome their
circumstances. God is the ultimate authority in the help group and the facilitators
encourage group members to seek solutions for their problems in Him.
The members of the group are especially encouraged by the testimonies of
others who were once brokenhearted and had lost all hope for their marriages, but
who, like the Cayces, discovered nothing is impossible with God and that once we
submit our lives and circumstances to God, He uses His power to restore marriages
according to His purposes and for His glory. Over the last two decades, the ministry
has witnessed Gods resurrecting and restoring well over 200 marriages in response
to the faith and obedience of at least one spouse. Many of the marriages God has
mended involved situations, which many believed were impossible to reconcile.
More than half of the marriages were restored after divorce. Other marriages are
now in various stages of the process of reconciliation. It is this visible fruit of the
ministry that is the main source of encouragement to its members.
Help group members are asked to commit to at least six to eight meetings to
see whether God, working through the help group, enables them to find hope for the
reconciliation of their marriage notwithstanding their present circumstances. As
members learn to surrender daily their circumstances to Gods will and wait on Him,
they find that He does meet all of their needs; that He uses their circumstances to
produce spiritual growth in them and their spouses; and, that He works for their
good which, for most, means the resurrection and healing of an otherwise dead or
dying marriage relationship.
Help group meetings are confidential. Everything shared member-to-member
is kept in strictest confidence. Nor does the group share any part of their discussion
on outside prayer lists. Neither gossip nor criticism has a place in the group. For
many, it is vital to learn to trust again. For others, something disclosed to outsiders
that were spoken in confidence in the group might work against the restoration of
their marriage relationship. Only in this way will the groups members feel free to
say what is on their minds and in their hearts, for in sharing such things the groups
members help one another walk from darkness into light.
The Marriage Reconciliation ministry also sponsors conferences and
conducts individual Word-based mentoring.

As you will learn during the help group and conference sessions, the
Marriage Reconciliation ministry believes that:

All things are possible with God. (Matthew 19:26) We believe no

brokenness in a Christian marriage is impossible for God to mend.

God intends marriage to be permanent. (Mark 10:1-12) The

Bible teaches God is love. (I John 4:8, 16) It also teaches us that this
God of love hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) Divorce not only breaks
hearts and destroys marriages and families, but, more often than not,
it is the result of unforgiveness and lack of faith. When a child of
God seeks divorce as a solution he or she is saying, I cannot forgive
and God has no power to change my circumstances.

It is Gods will that broken Christian marriages be reconciled.

To married Christians who are separated or divorced, I [the Lord]
give this command . . . be reconciled. I Corinthians 7:10-11 In
II Corinthians 5:18 we are all commissioned to be ministers of
reconciliation.

The ministry also teaches that there are 3 steps to reconciliation:

Step One: Become Reconciled to God.

Before you should expect God to help reconcile you to your spouse, you must
first seek to be reconciled to God. (II Corinthians 5:20) Your potential for
reconciling your marriage depends upon your commitment to developing a closer,
more obedient relationship with God. This means that Christ must not only be your
Savior, but your Lordthat your words, actions and thoughts be governed by the
word of God and the Holy Spirit.

Step Two: Become Reconciled to Yourself.

There is a direct correlation between the love for and peace you have with
yourself and your ability to show love toward and live in peace with others.
Knowing the love of Christ empowers us to make peace with and express
unconditional love toward your spouse. (Ephesians 3:17-21) You must forgive
yourself for the failures in your marriage and accept the gift of Gods unconditional
love and forgiveness for you. Only then can you fully surrender your circumstances
to God without fear, and risk loving and forgiving a spouse who may have hurt or
rejected you.

Step Three: Become Reconciled to Your Spouse.

Once you become reconciled to God and to yourself, then you will have the
foundation you need to work on becoming reconciled to your spouse. This will
require that you practice the love of Christ in your relationship as commanded in
I Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5:22-33, and I Peter 3:1-7. You become reconciled to
your spouse in the same way that God, through Christ, became reconciled to you
by laying down your life for them (I John 3:16).

Help Group Information

The help group meets Thursday nights at 7 p.m. in Room 207 of The Hills
Church of Christ NRH Campus, 6300 NE Loop 820, N Richland Hills, TX 76180.
For more information, call Debbie Poss at 817-581-3303 or email:
debbie.poss@thehills.org.

LESSON ONE
THE MEANING OF RECONCILIATION
Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds
because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by
Christs physical body through death to present you holy in His sight,
without blemish and free from accusation . .
Colossians 1:21-22

I.

Websters Dictionary defines reconcile as:

1. to cause to cease hostility or opposition; 2. to cause to accept or be
resigned to something not desired; 3. to harmonize or settle; 4. to
restore.

As the dictionary definition suggests, there are many phases of reconciliation,

each of which is of equal importance to healing a broken relationship. A marriage
that is restored in the physical sense, but continues to suffer from hostility, lack of
acceptance or disharmony has not become fully reconciled.

II.

The best definition of reconciliation is found in the example of the

cross:
For if, when we were Gods enemies, we were reconciled to Him
through the death of His Son, how much more, having been
reconciled, shall we be saved through His life! Not only is this so, but
we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom
we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:10-11

Just as we became reconciled to God when He sacrificed His only Son so that
we might enjoy a relationship with Him, it is possible to reconcile a broken marriage
when a spouse chooses to die to self for the sake of salvaging the relationship.

III.

What is reconciliation?

Reconciliation is a decision. Reconciliation requires decisive action

on the part of one party to a conflict to make peace with the other. A reconciler
must not be motivated by feelings or emotions, but by commitment borne of
authentic, Christ-like love.
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Reconciliation is a process. Like a deep flesh wound, the healing and

recovery of a severed relationship and the resulting emotional trauma is a process
that takes time to complete. It is unrealistic to expect instantaneous restoration of a
marriage that has been damaged by years of conflict, criticism, infidelity, etc.
Reconciliation is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. The acts of the sinful
nature are obvious: . . . hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, . . . dissensions,
factions and envy; . . . and the like. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
Galatians 5:19-23
Reconciliation is ministry. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a
new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who
reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:
that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting mens sins
against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
II Corinthians 5:17-19

NOTES

NOTES

LESSON TWO
SEVEN REASONS TO SEEK RECONCILIATION
(EVEN WHEN YOUR SPOUSE WANTS OUT)
1. God Expects You To Be Reconciled
The single most important reason to choose to reconcile with your spouse is that
God expects it. All of Scripture points to Gods desire that we be reconciled to Him
and to one another. Does it not stand to reason that He wants the same for you and
your spouse or ex-spouse? Jesus commanded that, if a husband and wife separate or
divorce, they be reconciled. To the married I give this command (not I, but the
Lord): a wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain
unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his
wife. I Corinthians 7:10-11 He also told us that before we come seeking Gods
blessings we must first reconcile ourselves to one another (Matthew 5:23-24).
Therefore, reconciliation is the only option for the Christian intent on obeying God.
God calls us to move toward reconciliation, even when there is yet no hope that your
spouse or ex-spouse will ever come to it.

2. Children of All Ages Desire Reconciliation

Reconciliation should be attempted at all costs for the sake of your childrens desire
and need to have a two-parent home. Recent secular studies show that there is no
truth to the commonly made argument that divorce is overall better for children than
an unhappy marriage. In fact, as Dr. Diane Medved observes in her book, The Case
Against Divorce, many clinical studies show the opposite is true. Children of
divorce suffer lasting emotional wounds that do not substantially diminish over
time. For example, children who grow up in broken homes are 70% more likely to
have disciplinary problems in school. Almost 50% of children of divorce enter
adulthood as worried, underachieving, self-deprecating and sometimes angry young
men and women. Another study has shown that more than one-third of children
living in broken homes did worse emotionally five years after the divorce than
before. And contrary to popular belief, older children are not exempt from the
trauma of divorce. One sociologist interviewed young adults between 18 and 30 and
discovered that many were shattered emotionally, and expressed deep and lingering
sadness over their parents divorce. And what about the long-term impact of
divorce on the next generation? If divorce rather than reconciliation is the norm,
9

what will that do to the stability of future marriages and the attitude that our children
have toward their marriage vows? We will not know the answer before it is too late.

3. Reconciliation Leads To Spiritual And Emotional Health

A Christian life filled with anger, resentment, bitterness and other negative feelings
toward another person will not be able to develop as God intends. The one who
says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness. I John 2:9
Reconciliation with your spouse or ex-spouse produces the spiritual fruit of peace,
joy and love and promotes long-term emotional stability.

4. Reconciliation Helps You Avoid the Pain of Remarrying

Someone with Similar Traits
Counselors who work with broken families report that divorced persons typically
remarry someone who has similar personality traits and character flaws as their
former spouse. Those who do not, soon learn after remarriage that their new spouse
has faults that, while different from their ex, are equally difficult and in some cases,
more painful to live with. This explains why there are such a high percentage of
divorces in second and third marriages. With Gods help, reconciliation can pave
the way for you to build a healthy relationship with your current spouse rather than
start all over with a similar or more hurtful mate.

5. Reconciliation Leads to Emotional Stability

Broken marriage relationships produce years of stressful, exhausting emotional
turmoil. Few people anticipate accurately what lies ahead when they decide to
separate or divorce. Life is always more arduous and more complicated than they
expect. They soon find that separation and divorce does not solve the problems it is
meant to solve; it merely creates more problems. Reconciliation can help you
stabilize your life and avoid enduring years of emotional instability.

6. Reconciliation Prevents Financial Hardship

Both spouses suffer economically from the dynamic changes that occur after
separation and divorce. Divorce and its results are costly to both partieslegal fees,
spousal support, child support, maintenance of two homes, dividing assets, splitting
debts, etc. Wives are forced to support themselves (and often their children), and
10

many husbands are forced into bankruptcy because they cannot afford the costs of
supporting and maintaining a second residence. As a result, both parties have little
or no discretionary income. A second marriage, particularly for the husband/father,
can create even greater financial burdens. The truth is, a reconciled couple can live
much cheaper staying together than divorced.

7. Reconciliation Preserves a Valuable Family Heritage

In his book, Reconcilable Differences, Dr. Jim Talley points out that each marriage
relationship represents a valuable heritage of experiences and commonly shared
activities. People become bonded by these experiences and memories, even though
many of them may have been negative. The family bonds developed over time
especially benefit children. The family structure that was once the basis of security
and protection for the children no longer exists when separation and divorce occurs.
Other family members on both sides lose out as well. It is a fallacy to think of
divorce as something that simply happens between a husband and wife. Couples
dont divorce, families divorce. Reconciliation keeps the family tree intact.

11

NOTES

12

LESSON THREE
THE THREE STEP PROCESS OF RECONCILIATION
STEP ONE: BECOME RECONCILED TO GOD.
We implore you on Christs behalf: Be reconciled to God.
II Corinthians 5:20
Before you should expect God to help reconcile you to your spouse, you must
first seek to be reconciled to God. Your potential for reconciling your marriage
depends upon your commitment to developing a closer, more obedient relationship
with God. This means that Christ must not only be your Savior, but your Lord
that your words, actions and thought life be governed by the word of God and the
Holy Spirit.

STEP TWO: BECOME RECONCILED TO YOURSELF.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may
have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long
and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that
surpasses knowledgethat you may be filled to the measure of all the
fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-21
There is a direct correlation between the love for and peace you have with
yourself and your ability to show love toward and live in peace with others.
Knowing the love of Christ empowers you to make peace with and express
unconditional love toward your spouse. You must forgive yourself for the failures
in your marriage and accept the gift of Gods unconditional love and forgiveness for
you. Only then can you fully surrender your circumstances to God without fear, and
risk loving and forgiving a spouse who may have hurt or rejected you.

STEP THREE: BECOME RECONCILED TO YOUR SPOUSE.

Therefore, as Gods chosen people, wholly and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances
13

you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together
in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
Once you become reconciled to God and to yourself, then you will have the
foundation you need to work to become reconciled to your spouse. This will require
that you practice the love of Christ in your relationship as commanded in
I Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5:22-33, and I Peter 3:1-7. You become reconciled to
your spouse in the same way that God through Christ became reconciled to youby
forgiving them and laying down your life for them (I John 3:16).

14

NOTES

15

NOTES

16

LESSON FOUR
THREE THINGS YOU MUST DO TO COMPLETE
THE PROCESS OF RECONCILIATION
FIRST: Be Committed To Reconciliation
Even When It Hurts
Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your
holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is
righteous, . . . who keeps his oath even it hurts . . . . He who does
these things will never be shaken. Psalm 15

A fundamental requirement for reconciling any broken

relationship is the commitment of at least one spouse to move toward the line of
reconciliation and stay there until Gods work is complete. Without such
commitment, genuine reconciliation cannot occur. No relationship will endure the
test of time and the inevitable conflict and pain that most relationships produce
without constant, unwavering commitment to reconciliation. This kind of
commitment is described in I Corinthians 13 as an essential element of authentic
loveit always perseveres [and] never fails.

As children of God, our commitment to reconciliation should be

unconditional. Unconditional commitment is one of Gods basic character traits.
Gods entire relationship with us from the beginning of time has been marked by
His faithfulness to His promises to us even when we have been unfaithful to Him.
To have any real hope of a reconciled marriage, we must demonstrate the same
unconditional commitment to our spouses as our heavenly Father has shown toward
us. Our commitment to reconciliation should not be conditioned on our spouses
behavior or the passage of time.

We should measure the quality of our commitment to

reconciliation by the standards of the first minister of reconciliation, Jesus
Christ. At a time when we had rejected God and had no apparent desire to have a
relationship with Him, Christ committed to humbling himself and enduring all
things out of love for us. He endured scorn, rejection, humiliation, and even abuse;
17

yet, no matter how badly we treated Him, He loved and forgave us. He never
sought revenge nor did He ever retaliate. When He hung and bled and died on the
cross, He was saying to the world, I love you. He did this, not because we
deserved it, but because He wanted to be reconciled to us. He knew that the only
way we could ever become truly reconciled to Him was for Him to deny himself
to give up the rights, privileges, comforts and power that were His alone as Gods
son, and then to suffer so that we would see the full glory of His love and be drawn
back to God because of it. In this same way, it is through keeping our
commitment to love and forgive our spouses when they least deserve it, that
they experience the love of God through us and will be drawn to Him (and to
you) because of it.

There are four traits of a promise keeper that you should ask God to
develop in you so that you will have the quality of commitment to reconciliation
necessary to complete the process.

1.
A promise keeper remains unconditionally committed to
reconciling his or her marriage out of obedience to God. Promise keepers view
their marriage covenant as a covenant with God, first and foremost. Consequently,
their commitment to seek reconciliation of a broken marriage is not merely
motivated by emotional or physical considerations but, more importantly, by their
love for and desire to please God.

2.
Promise keepers do not allow negative emotions to affect their
commitment to reconciliation. They stay on course without regard to how they
feel and turn their negative emotions (anger, bitterness, fear, etc.) over to God.
Promise keepers are not fickle or double-mindedonce they make up their minds to
work on preserving the marriage relationship, there is no turning back.

3.
Promise keepers do not allow the negative attitude and behavior
of the other spouse to affect their commitment to reconciliation. Promise
keepers remain committed to reconciliation not because the other person deserves it,
but because God commands it. To a promise keeper, the other spouses conduct is
irrelevant to their commitment to reconciling the relationship. In this way, they
fulfill Jesus command in Luke 6:27-36 to Love your enemies, do good to those
who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

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4.
Promise keepers understand that long-term commitment to
reconciliation requires perseverance, patience and persistence. Promise keepers
know that suffering for the sake of reconciling a broken marriage produces
perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not
disappoint us . . . Romans 5:3-5 They trust that God will bless and reward them
for their patience in the face of suffering. James 5:10-11 Promise keepers
know that, while the marriage relationship is meant to last a lifetime, God only gives
us the strength to remain committed to reconciling a hurting, broken relationship
one day at a time. Promise keepers do not quit when things fail to go according to
their schedule; they wait on God and His perfect timetable. Like the persistent
widow described by Jesus in Luke 18:1-8, they understand that they must always
pray and not give up.
Commitment to reconciliation also requires that you avoid the dangers of
dating while waiting for your spouse to meet you at the line of reconciliation. In
addition to the sexual temptations dating presents, there are several other reasons
you should avoid dating while waiting for the reconciliation of your marriage:

Dating during the waiting period can hinder your spiritual

growth. In II Corinthians 1:9, we are told that one of Gods purposes
in allowing us to face hardship is so that we might not rely on
ourselves but on God. Inappropriate dependence on a member of the
opposite sex during a time of brokenness can easily deprive you of the
blessings and growth that can come only from total dependence on
God and His grace.

Dating may lead to emotional attachment to the wrong

person which will only produce more trouble, heartache and,
perhaps, another bad marriage. Avoiding dating during the time
you are waiting for God to reconcile your marriage helps you keep
from jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.

If you date, your spouse may find out, leading to feelings of

anger, jealousy, broken trust, etc., that could diminish or forever
destroy your potential for reconciliation.

Dating can cause you to become missing in action. If you

become involved with another person during the waiting period, you
may be emotionally unavailable (or unwilling) to work on the broken
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relationship when the prodigal spouse returns or has a change of

heart.
Remember, Satan is out to do everything in his power to rob you of your
hope of reconciliation, including tempting you to become sexually involved with
someone who is not your spouse. Here are some helpful tips to help you resist that
temptation when it comes:

Take it immediately to God in prayer.

Submit
yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7

Be accountable to someone. Therefore confess your sins

to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16

Avoid places and circumstances that may lead you into

temptation, such as certain singles groups, one-on-one
outings with members of the opposite sex, and even long
telephone conversations. Be careful, then, how you livenot as
unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because
the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what
the Lords will is. Ephesians 5:15-18

Pray the Lords Prayer, And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one. Matthew 6:13

If you stumble, do not be discouraged. Instead, confess

your sin to God and ask His forgiveness. If we confess our
sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse
us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9-10

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SECOND: Believe in God to Do What is

Impossible For You to Do
I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for
me? Jeremiah 32:27

The process of reconciling a broken marriage must be supported by

faith that God has the power and willingness to do what we ask of Him.

Everything is possible for him who believes. Mark 9:23 When we petition
God in prayer, we must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a
wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will
receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
James 1:6-8

Mountain moving, heart-changing faith believes With God, all

things are possible. Matthew 19:26 You have not exercised faith until you
have believed God to do something that you have no power to do. Gods power is
unlimited; yet, if we do not believe in it we will not see it at work in our lives. [I]f
you have faith and do not doubt . . . you can say to this mountain, go throw yourself
into the sea and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask
for in prayer. Matthew 17:20 Even little faith is enough to move mountains
(and a hard heart toward reconciling a broken marriage).

Not only must we believe God is able to do what we ask of Him, but
that He is willing. The only condition to receiving what we ask for in prayer is
that our prayers be in accord with Gods will: This is the confidence we have in
approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us, and if
we know that He hears uswhatever we askwe know that we have what we
asked of Him. I John 5:14-15 There are many places in scripture where God
has revealed His will for broken Christian marriages. For example, in
I Corinthians 7:10-11, Jesus commands Christians who are separated or divorced to
be reconciled. When it comes to praying for a reconciled marriage, Gods answer
more often than not is the answer He gave the man with leprosy in Luke 5:12,I
am willing.

Faith for reconciliation must be bold and persistent. When we are in

trouble or need we must pray boldly and persistently for Gods help. (Luke 11:5-13;
Luke 18) Many marriages that have the potential to be reconciled through Gods
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power are forever lost because neither spouse asked God to heal their marriage, or
both spouses gave up before He had time to answer.

Faith for reconciliation comes from looking at God, not at the

mountain. A broken or troubled marriage is a mountain that seemingly will not
move. Many stand in the shadow of that mountain for so long they grow accustom
to the darkness. You need to shift the focus of your prayers from the mountain to
the glory, power and faithfulness of our Father, the mountain mover. When your
hope for reconciliation is based on what your spouse does or says, you are walking
by sight, not by faith. Focusing on your spouse rather than God will eventually lead
to despair. Remember: Faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of
things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

God increases our faith as we walk with Him. Faith will be given to us
as we step out and follow the Lords direction in our lives. As we walk with God,
our faith will grow, our confidence will increase and our prayers will have power.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers about the hardships we suffered . . .
. We are under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despair at
even of life. . . But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God,
who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will
deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you
help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious
favor granted us and answered the prayers of many. II Corinthians 1:8-11
Only God knows all the reasons why answers to some prayers seem
to take more time than others. The following are a few of the reasons why the
answer to your prayer for reconciliation take longer than anticipated:

Gods timing. (Habakkuk 2:1; 1 Samuel 1:20) Many

prayers appear to go unanswered because of our impatience. We
must wait patiently on the Lord and trust in the perfect wisdom of His
timing (Psalm 37:3-9).

The will of the other spouse. Scripture tells us that

God can change a persons will to affect His purpose. A mans heart
is in the hand of the Lord; He directs it like a water course wherever
He pleases. Proverbs 21. However, the answer to any prayer for a
changed heart involves a mixture of Gods influence and the free will
of the person for whom you are praying. God does not do it by force.
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His way of changing a heart is slow and uneven; the process is

gradualthere is no manipulation or control. If your spouse is a
Christian, you also have the assurance of knowing that no one who
was born of God will continue to sin because Gods seed remains in
him; he cannot go on sinning because he is born of God.
I John 3:9

Opposition of Satan. The battle you are fighting for

your marriage is not against flesh and blood, but the spiritual forces of
evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12; Daniel 10:13;
Peter 5:6-10).

Unconfessed sin. As important as the reconciliation

of your marriage is to God, the most important thing to Him is that
you [be] reconciled to God. II Corinthians 5:20 Because
unconfessed sin and disobedience to Gods commands hinders your
relationship with God (and your spouse), it will hinder your prayers
for a reconciled marriage.

Unforgiving or unrepentant spirit. Before you can

expect God to answer your prayers, you must forgive those who have
sinned against you (Mark 11:25) and ask the forgiveness of those you
have sinned against (Matthew 5:23-24).

To increase our faith and make us more

spiritually mature. (James 1:2-4; Hebrews 12:7-11)

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THIRD:

Wait on the Lord (Not On

Your Spouse).

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalms 27:14

Patience is essential to reconciliation because it often takes an extended

period of time for God to bring about the healing, trust, intimacy and spiritual
growth necessary to mend a broken relationship. As the old saying goes
anything worth having, is worth waiting for. A saved marriage and united family
is certainly worth waiting on God for.

Waiting patiently on God to reconcile your marriage is an act of

love.
Love is patient . . . It . . . always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4, 7, 8

obedience.

Waiting patiently on God to reconcile your marriage is an act of

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12
Be patient, then brothers, until the Lords coming. . . . [A] s an
example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who
spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed
those who have persevered. You have heard of Jobs perseverance
and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full
of compassion and mercy. James 5:7, 10-11

Waiting patiently on God to reconcile your marriage results in

blessing and answered prayer.
The Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you
compassion. For the Lord is God of justice. Blessed are all who wait
for Him! Isaiah 30:18

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You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive what He has promised. Hebrews 10:36
I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my
feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song
in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord. Psalms 41:3

As you wait patiently on God for reconciliation, do not be

discouraged by the length of time it takes to see results. You will lose heart and
give up too easily if you expect a quick fix. The answer to any prayer for a
changed heart always involves a mixture of Gods influence and the freedom He
gives us to choose between right and wrong. God never forces anyone to do what is
right through robot-style obedience. Gods way of changing hearts is slow and
uneven. The process is gradualthere is no manipulation or control. To wait until
this process is complete, you must be like the helpless widow spoken about in
parable whose patience and persistence was commended by Jesus (Luke 18:1-8).

As you wait patiently on God for reconciliation, remember that

while God is working on your spouse, He is also working on you. Sometimes the
delay in healing a relationship is not because your spouse is not ready, but because
God is not finished working on you.

Waiting patiently on God to reconcile your marriage does not

mean that you sit back, do nothing and live as you have before; rather, it is an
active process that involves regular study of Gods word, daily prayer, active
Christian fellowship, service to others and self-development. The spiritual
growth that comes from these activities is essential to obtaining the peace and joy
you are seeking.

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NOTES

26

NOTES

27

NOTES

28

LESSON FIVE
THE KEY TO RECONCILING A BROKEN MARRIAGE:
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Galatians 5:6

The key to reconciling any broken marriage is unconditional love.

Unconditional love is not only necessary to reconcile a broken marriage, it is central
to our identity as Christians. At the close of His earthly ministry, Jesus told His
disciples that loving others as I have loved you is the one thing we do to show we
are His friends.
My command is this: love each other as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this, that he laid down his life for his
friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer
call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters
business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I
learned from my father I have made known to you. You did not
choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit
fruit that will last. Then the father will give you whatever you ask in
my name. This is my command: love each other. John 15:9-17
The Apostle Paul summed up the importance of love this way:
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love
one another, for he who loves his fellow man has fulfilled the law.
The commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do
not steal, Do not covet, and whatever other commandment there
may be, are summed up in this one rule: Love your neighbor as
yourself. Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the
fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:8-10

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Unconditional love of others shows that we know and love God.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does
not love does not know God, because God is love. . . . No one has ever seen
God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made
complete in us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in
him. If anyone says, I love God, yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For
anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God,
who he has not seen. And He has given us this command: whoever loves
God must also love his brother. I John 4:7-21

Unconditional love of enemies shows that we are like God.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those
who harm you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love
those who love them. But love your enemies, do good to them. . . . Then
your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the most High, because He
is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is
merciful. Luke 6:27-36

Unconditional love matters most to God.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I
am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have a gift of
prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a
faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I
possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I
gain nothing.
I Corinthians 13:1-3

Unconditional love is the Christians only answer to divorce.

Sadly, the divorce rate is as high in the church as it is in the world.

Unfortunately, one reason for that is there are a lot of gongs and cymbals in the
kingdom of God. Too many of us have religion, but we do not have lovewe are
not kind to our spouses when they mistreat us; we do not pray for our spouses when
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they act as if they hate us; we do not forgive; we are not patient and longsuffering;
we are not willing to lay down our lives for our spouses. Unconditional love is the
only way we will be able to turn back the tide of divorce that is destroying Christian
marriages.
The love we are commanded to show our spouses is patient, . . . kind. It
does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [It] does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. [And it] never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8
Unconditional love is also sacrificial: This is the message you heard from
the beginning: we should love one another . . . . This is how we know what love is:
Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our
brothers. I John 3:11, 16-18
It is this unconditional love of Christ working through us that empowers us to
live at peace with our spouse and to experience joy in a relationship that may cause
us pain. It is also what compels us to reconcile with our spouses when there is
conflict and brokenness.
The truth is, if we claim to love God, but we do not love our spouses as
Christ does even when they hurt us and treat us like an enemy, then, as the Apostle
John says, we are liars and God is not in us because God is love (I John 4:7-21),
and, He is kind and merciful to the wicked and ungrateful (Luke 6:27-36).

I Corinthians 13 reveals the many characteristics of unconditional love:

Love is patient and always perseveres. It does not give up. You do not
lose control the first time there is a problem. You do not quit on a relationship
simply because it is not going the way you want it to, when you want it to.

Love is kind. You do not retaliate even when your spouse is cruel and
mean.

Love is not boastful. You do not consider yourself better than your spouse
or brag about how well you are doing, or how poorly your spouse is doing.
Love is humble. Pride destroys relationships and is a major obstacle to
reconciliation. You must be willing to accept responsibility for the situation you are
in and be willing to change those things about you or your life that need changing.
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Love is gracious. It is not rude. You communicate in a kind and tactful

way.

Love is not self-seeking or demanding. You can accept the situation

when things do not always go your way or when you do not always get what you
want. You do not try to force your spouse to see things your way or do what you
want him or her to do.

Love is forgiving. You do not condemn your spouse for the wrongs he or
she has committed against you. You have the ability to consciously erase those
things in your past that stir up anger and hatred. You learn to forget them and go on
as you let the Holy Spirit control your thoughts. Forgetting does not mean you erase
them from your mind or memory, but it means you no longer react emotionally to
bad memories as they pop up. Though revenge is a natural reaction, you have come
to grips with the damage it does. You cannot ever say, I dont want to get back; I
just want to get even.

Love protects and is helpful. You do not gloat over the misfortune of
your spouse; you express honest sympathy and seek to promote his or her well being
regardless of the circumstances.

Love is not deceiving. You do not manipulate your spouse or your

circumstances. You do not consciously try to deceive or fault your spouse by saying
things that are not really true. Nor do you try to hide things, lie about them, or take
them when they do not belong to you.

Love is not easily angered or repulsed. No matter how your spouse

reacts to you, you keep on loving. This is vital to any move toward reconciliation.

Love is trusting and hopeful. You believe God works for your good in
all situations. You look for the positive things in life and in your spouse. Love is
forbearing and triumphant. You overcome anger, bitterness, and frustration. You
continue to love while trusting in God to work in your circumstances and in your
hearts to heal the hurts and restore your relationship.

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There are three types of unconditional love:

I.

Tender Love.

The most commonly recognized type of love is tender love. Tender love is
gentle, kind, compassionate, considerate, understanding and respectful (I
Corinthians 13; Colossians 3:12; I Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5:25). The effect of tender
love is that it builds up the loved one, rather than tearing them down (I
Corinthians 8:1). Tender love is not being a doormat; it is not a romantic feeling;
it is not sexual intimacy (although tender love certainly facilitates the sexual part of
a marriage relationship).
Jesus demonstrated how tender love could work to reconcile relationships.
Jesus won over His followers, and eventually the church, not by force or
manipulation, but through His kindness, His patience, His gentleness and His
compassion. Jesus began the process of reconciling Himself to an angry, hostile and
hateful world through His undeserved kindness, which caused those around Him to
want to be close to Him.
In this same way, when we are dealing with an angry or hateful
spouse, tender love can drain that spouses anger and change their whole attitude
toward you by making them feel better about themselves and about you, the key to
living in peace with your enemies. It may also make your spouse feel ashamed for
mistreating you. On the other hand, when we fail to show our spouses tender love,
they usually grow to despise us and become embittered and hardened toward us over
time.

II.

Tough Love.

Tough love is the most misunderstood of the three types of unconditional

love. Tough love is discipline applied in a relationship for the good of the other
(See Hebrews 11:7-8). Tough love has nothing to do with revenge, punishment or
retribution; its purpose is to bless, not to hurt.
There are three circumstances when tough love is most often appropriate: (1)
when addictive behavior (drug, alcohol, etc.) is involved; (2) when there is
persistent sexual immorality; (3) in the case of severe emotional or physical abuse.
Godly tough love in these instances risks temporary unrest or loss of the relationship
for the good of the wrongdoer. If out of fear, ignorance, stubbornness or an
unhealthy codependence you wrongly choose to maintain the status quo in a
marriage relationship when tough love is needed, the peace you may gain will not
33

last, and Gods purpose in helping your spouse come to the truth and a deeper
relationship with Him will be hindered. Exercising tough love in a relationship can
be very unpleasant but when applied prayerfully and in faith, it will produce a
harvest of righteousness and peace (Hebrews 11:11).
Illustrations of tough love in scripture include the book of Hosea;
Luke 15:11-32 (the story of the prodigal son); I Corinthians 5:5.

III.

Sacrificial Love.

The most radical type of love is sacrificial love. The essence of sacrificial
love is found in Mark 8:34, where Jesus said, If any man would come after me let
him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. In a world that emphasizes
legal rights, equality, and fairness as principles worth fighting for, Jesus taught that
the one who surrenders these things for the sake of the relationship is the one that
enjoys true power and happiness.
It was Jesus sacrificial love that leads Him to give up His throne in
heaven and die on a cross so that we might become reconciled to God. In this same
way, we must be willing to die to all thingsto give up rights, privileges and
wantsto enjoy the potential of a harmonious, peaceful relationship with our
spouses when they hurt us, treat us wrongly and refuse to repent. Sacrificial love
requires that we surrender the right to be right, the desire to control, the need to be
loved back and be treated with mutual respect. Anyone desiring reconciliation of a
broken relationship must be willing to suffer unjustly with the attitude of Christ.

Our marriages face their most severe challenge when our spouses hurt and mistreat
us, or when they do return our love. During those difficult times when our spouses
treat us as if they are an enemy, we are commanded to love them and be good to
them. Remember, the real enemy is not your spouse, it is Satan, whose objective is
to defeat you and destroy your marriage by using any means he can.

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Husband, Love Your Wife Even When She Acts

Like Your Enemy
Adapted from Luke 6:27-36:
(27)

But I tell you who hear me: Love your wife when she acts like your enemy,
be good to her when she hates you.

(28)

Bless her if she curses you, pray for her if she mistreats you.

(31)

Do to her as you would have her do to you.

(32)

If you love your wife only when she loves you, what credit is that to you?
Even unbelievers love those who love them.

(33)

And if you do good to your wife only when she is good to you, what credit is
that to you? Even unbelievers do that.

(35)

But love your wife even when she acts like she is your enemy, do good to her
and give of yourself to her without expecting to get anything back. Then
your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he
is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

(36)

Husband, be merciful to your wife, just as your Father is merciful to you.

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Wife, Love Your Husband Even When He Acts

Like Your Enemy
Adapted from Luke 6:27-36:

(27)

But I tell you who hear me: Love your husband when he acts like your
enemy, be good to him when he hates you.

(28)

Bless him if he curses you, pray for him if he mistreats you.

(29)

If your husband does something that hurts you, do not retaliate against
him or seek revenge.

(30)

If he asks you to give him what is yours, give it to him without

demanding to get it back.

(31)

In everything, do to him as you would have him do to you.

(32)

If you love your husband only when he loves you, what credit is that to you?
Even unbelievers love those who love them.

(33)

And if you do good to your husband only when he is good to you, what
credit is that to you? Even unbelievers do that.

(35)

But love your husband even when he acts as if he is your enemy, do good to
him and give of yourself to him without expecting to get anything back.
Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High,
because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

(36)

Wife, be merciful to your husband, just as your Father is merciful to you.

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NOTES

37

NOTES

38

LESSON SIX
SEVEN DOS AND DONTS FOR SEPARATED OR
DIVORCED SPOUSES DESIRING RECONCILIATION

DO look to the Lord and His word for your strength. Know that He is your Rock,
your strength, and your security. Trust Him to meet your needs and allow Gods
word to comfort and strengthen your heart.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make
your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
So do not fear, for I am with you; I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

DO seek out emotional support and encouragement from others. Be mindful that
negative emotions become sin and can cause hard-heartedness when they are
harbored within yourself. Share your hurts and needs with close Christian friends
whom you can trust. Let those persons be your sounding board and ask them to
pray for you. Then trust God to heal your heart and emotions as you keep the
channels of communication open to Him.
Plans fail for lack of counsel; but with many advisors they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22
[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

DO find trusted Christian friends who will hold you accountable. Many people turn
to drugs, alcohol or affairs when they have been rejected by their mates. Instead,
share your deepest thoughts, fears, desires and prayer requests with someone who
loves you unconditionally.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you
may be healed. James 5:16
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DO pray that God will draw your spouse back to Himself.

And they will see my face; in their misery they will earnestly seek
me. Hosea 5:15

DONT try to change your spouses heart; only God can do that.
I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of
flesh. Ezekiel 11:19
What is impossible with men is possible with God. Luke 18:27

DONT be afraid to set reasonable conditions for reconciliation when your spouse
returns, such as requiring your spouse to agree to attend Christian counseling with
you and remaining faithful.
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If
you do they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear
you to pieces. Matthew 7:6

DONT put pressure on your spouse about God or church attendance. Trust God
through the Holy Spirit to convict your spouse of the need for repentance.
[The Holy Spirit] will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and
righteousness. John 16:8-11

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NOTES

41

NOTES

42

CLOSING WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT:

STAND FIRM!
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we
will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

From the beginning, Gods highest purpose for marriage was not simply to
provide us with companionship and children, but to teach us how to love others as
He loves us and to demonstrate His love to a world that, apart from Christ, knows
only hate. The marriage relationship is the only human relationship modeled after
the relationship Christ has with the church. Consequently, it is the only relationship
on earth that has the potential to give us insight into the nature of Christs
unconditional love. Demonstrating the love of Christ toward our spouse when they
hurt and reject us glorifies God as no other act of love can, and serves as a valuable
witness and example to those around us.
As a Christian with broken marriage living in a world where the culture of
divorce is the norm, you must come back to the truth of Scripture to defeat the
enemys attempt to rob you (and your children) of the hope of a restored relationship
with your spouse. You must embrace the enduring nature of the marriage bond;
believe in the power and willingness of God to change hearts; and, practice Christlike love in your marriage, especially during those times when your spouse may
mistreat you and refuse to love you in return.
To those who are already divorced, we urge you to accept Christs love,
forgiveness and compassion in the midst of your pain and shattered life. But, we
also encourage you not to ignore Gods truth about marriage, divorce and
remarriage. Your goal should be not merely to cope with and recover from your
divorce, but to overcome it by following the more excellent way of reconciliation
revealed through Scripture and exemplified at the Cross.
Many Christians give up on the possibility of reconciliation after separation
and divorce because they lose hope. Yet, if you have learned anything at this
conference, it is that no situation is hopeless when your hope is in God, whose
resurrection power can raise dead marriages from the grave of divorce and make
them new again. It is not false hope when your hope is in God. We also trust that
you have learned that the suffering you experience in your marriage has noble and
eternal purposes that, if embraced and accepted in obedience, will reap for you
unimaginable reward, both here and in the hereafter.

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Because God loves you, He hates divorce and the pain and devastation it has
brought to you and your family. That is why He is standing ready, willing and able
to reconcile and restore your marriage, as He has done for so many, if you are
willing to trust Him with it. Even if you do not see your marriage completely
restored, you can reach a level of reconciliation that will greatly bless you, your
children and the world around you. So, be patient and stand firm, for in due time
you will reap a harvest of righteousness (James 3:18, 5:7-11).
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full
armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes. For our
struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,
against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the
heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of
evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done
everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of trust buckled around your
waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with
the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the
shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the Word of God.
And pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.
Ephesians 6:10-18
May God give peace, love and grace to all who for righteousness sake decide
to stand firm in the mighty power of God against one of the devils schemes to
destroy marriages and families!

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ADDITIONAL RECONCILIATION RESOURCES

BOOKS:
Chapman, Gary. Hope For The Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed. Chicago:
Moody Publishers, 1982, 1996, 2005.

Dobson, Dr. James C. Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Families in Crisis.
Word Publishing, 1986.
Medved, Diane, Ph.D. The Case Against Divorce. Ivy Books, 1990.
Rosberg, Gary. Dr Rosbergs Do-it-Yourself Relationship Mender. Focus on the
Family Publishers, 2005.
Schwambach, Steven. Tough Talk to a Stubborn Spouse. Lincoln: Authors Choice
Press (formerly by Harvest House), 1990, 2001.
Talley, Dr. Jim. Reconcilable Differences, Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson
Publishing. 1991, 2008.
Weiner-Davis, Michele. Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your
Marriage Loving Again. New York, New York: Fireside. 1992.

WEBSITES:
http://www.familylife.com
http://www.drtalley.com
http://www.marriagetoday.com

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