Whoever controls the media also controls opinions

and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done

to rectify this.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In today fast-paced life society, the media plays an integral part
to virtually every aspect of peoples lives. Although it is true
whoever controls the media as well as the information also has
the power to regulate the sentiments of the entire society, there
must be something that could be done (Not appropriate for essay)
to turn the tide on this situation.
1. The first sentence is short and unnatural because you dont
have enough information and life is repeated twice. =>
Change the 1st life -> society. Add to virtually every aspect
of life to emphasize your point (that the media REALLY plays
an integral part)
2. Its not wrong but you do not need also in this case.
3. There must be something that could be done is a clich.
You can say this does not necessarily mean there is no
other way out/solutions for this issue)

With its power Serving as information gatekeepers, the

medias administrators the media companies do have the
ability to control the communitys opinions and attitudes. First,
due to the ease of accessibility, people are more prone to depend
on it for their informational information-seeking purposes. In
fact, by simply disseminating biased information about a celebrity
or a politician, the readers views about on/towards him or her
could be compromised/manipulated will inevitably change.
Second, with the high degree of repetition on a daily basis, the
media also has holds the power to firmly implant the any
information into the publics mind. In fact, although there is
sufficient evidence to infer that the media is toward profit on
advertising various functional foods which may have little to no
effect on peoples health, it can create some marvelous healing
effects and thereby people still purchase them for the hope of
enhancing their health (very confusing)
1. Do not use the medias administrators or the medias
regulators. These are words that belong to the government.
=> Use the media companies/the media corporations/the
mainstream media/mass media
2. Use do have the ability rather than have the ability
because you are repeating your point.
3. Depend on them (the media companies)
4. will inevitably change => not entirely true. It may/could
change.
5. The last sentence is confusing. You should not use in fact.
Use for example. => For example, although there is
sufficient evidence to infer that functional foods only have
little to no effect on health, aggressive advertising by the
mass media has succeeded in making the majority believe
otherwise to get more advertising revenue.
6.

It is safe to say the idea that there is little can be done to reverse
this issue is not necessarily true (a messed-up sentence). First,
since the media is under regulated by the governments, a myriad
of governmental measures could be taken to mitigate this
problem. Theoretically speaking, if the governments impose legal
restrictions against the only-for-profit advertisements like the
functional foods, the society will be less likely to purchase those
such things. Furthermore, there are skeptics who never trust
anything of the biased media. Also, they tend to illustrate their
points in attempt to impart the manipulation as well as the pitfalls
of media. As a result, people not only has have higher inclination
to be cautious exercise reasonable precautions involving
with the information of the media but also are less influenced by
the media.
1. The idea that, the fact that => always have that. It is
true it is clear, it is obvious => No need to
a. => it is safe to say there are a variety of ways to
reverse this trend for the good of both parties.
2. Advertising, not advertisement => you are indicating the
advertising activities.
3. who never trust anything from the biased media => this
phrase is subjective. => who never blindly trust anything
that comes from the media.
4. => Also, they tend to expose the medias manipulation
techniques and pitfalls to educate others. As a result, more
and more people will develop the habit of exercising
reasonable precautions involving information from the media
so they can protect themselves from being manipulated.
5.

In conclusion, it is clear the publics mind being controlled by the

medias regulator media companies is a real phenomenon.
Having said that, there must be something that could be done to
minimize this issue.
1. In conclusion, it is clear the publics perception being
controlled by the mass media/mainstream media is a real
phenomenon. That said, the collaboration between both
governments to regulate the media and the individual
himself to invest in education can significantly help minimize
the medias power.
Idea planning

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

General statement
Your opinion
Idea 1: Media does have control
Supporting 1.1: People are dependent on the media
Supporting 1.2: For ex:
Supporting 1.3: Most big media co. are for-profit => focus on
advertising
7. Supporting 1.4: For ex:
8. Idea 2: It can be reversed
9. Supporting 2.1: By the government
10.
Supporting 2.2: For example
11.
Supporting 2.3: By education (for the public)
12.
Supporting 2.4: For example: provide more media
courses
13.
Conclusion: Restate your opinion => YES the media
does have the power
14.
Conclusion: => BUT solutions are there.

This is an okay essay (6.0-7.0). In fact, I think your

ideas are fine. The problem is some of your sentences
are very confusing, which might certainly damage
your essay grade. Your grammar is good but just

remember if you do not get your point straight and

concise by properly organizing ideas within sentence,
you will mind-fuck the examiner. Be clear, be concise,
be to-the-point. You will improve a lot just by setting
that your priority.