Parshas Kedoshim

In this week's Parsha, we find the mitzvah of tochachah, giving rebuke to our fellow

Jew. R' Yaakov Kaminetsky in the Emes L'yaakovi develops some beautiful ideas

regarding this mitzvah of tochachah. He explains as follows: Some people think the

mitzvah of tochachah is basically Bein Adam L'makom. In other words, Hashem

wants every Jew to keep the Torah. Therefore, every person should watch over his

fellow Jews to help ensure that they keep the Torah in order for Hashem's plan for the

world to be fulfilled in a better way. Reb Yaakov says he thinks that is a mistake. The

mitzvah of tochachah is Bein Adam L'chaveiro. Every Jew has a job to help his

.fellow Jew keep the Torah, not for Hashem's sake, but for his friend's sake

Reb Yaakov points out that the Torah mentions the mitzvah of tochachah right in the

(middle of other Mitzvot Bein Adam L'chaveiro. The Torah writes (Perek 19

lo selech rochil b'amecha" then "lo sisna achicha bilvavecha" then "hocheach"

tochiach", and then "lo sikom" and "lo sitor" and "v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha".

Clearly, R' Yaakov explains, by placing this mitzvah right in the middle of other

Mitzvoth Bein Adam L'chaveiro, the Torah is teaching us that the yesod of hoche’ach

.tochiach is Bein Adam L'chaveiro

Reb Yaakov quotes the Rambam (Hilchos Deos, Perek 6 Halacha 7) where the

Rambam writes as follows: When one gives his friend rebuke regarding a mitzvah

Bein Adam L'makom or Bein Adam L'chaveiro, he should rebuke him with soft

language. Then the Rambam continues "v'yodio"- and inform him, "she'eino omer lo

ela l'tovaso"- that he (the one giving rebuke) is saying this for his (the listener's)
benefit. It is a striking language that part of one's rebuke has to include that he

informs the other person that he is saying this for his benefit. Reb Yaakov interprets

this to mean that this is a condition for the proper fulfillment of tochachah. If one

wants to fulfill the mitzvah of tochachah properly, he has to convince the person he is

speaking to that he is saying this for his benefit. This fits with the notion that

tochachah is a mitzvah Bein Adam L'chaveiro; I'm trying to help the other person, to

.help him serve Hashem better

This is actually quite a challenge for one who wants to give others rebuke. He has to

try to find the right language so that it is clear that he is genuinely trying to help the

.other person

Reb Yaakov goes on to use this idea to explain a difficult word in Chumash Breishis.

Back in Parshas Vayetzei (Breishis 29,4), Yaakov Avinu comes to the well and he

sees shepherds there, and they are not working. Yaakov says to them "achai"- my

brothers, "me’ayin atem"- where are you from? The word "achai" is very strangeii.

Why does Yaakov refer to the other shepherds as my brothers? He didn't know who

they were, they were strangers to him?? Reb Yaakov explains as follows: Yaakov

Avinu knew he was about to give these shepherds rebuke, tochachah, for not doing

their work. But Yaakov understood that in order to give proper tochachach, he has to

convince the listeners that he is saying it for their benefit. So Yaakov Avinu was

trying to create a relationship and say "my brothers, I feel a closeness to you, I want to

have a connection to you". That is how Yaakov begins. Only then, once he has

established that brotherly connection, is he able to give them rebuke. This is a

.beautiful explanation for why Yaakov starts with the word "achai"- my brothers
If one follows RebYaakov's approach, then when one gives tochachah, he will

attempt to convince the listener he is trying to help him. A good test for how well one

gives tochachah is as follows: When one finishes giving tochachah, if the tochachah

has been given properly, the listener will say "thank you". That is the goal of the

mochiach, that is the goal of the rebuker, that the listener will say thank you. Based on

this, if one wanted to give an English translation of tochachah, a better translation

.than rebuke would be advice. This is Reb Yaakov's approach to tochachah

,Good Shabbos

B. Ginsburg
 Vayikra 19,17; Breishis 29,4i
ii
Not strange as in weird, but rather strange as in striking.