Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development []
1.1 How to develop relationships with children
In your professional role it is essential that you focus The basis of a good relationship is showing an interest
on building strong relationships with the children you in the other person as an individual, and showing that
work with. Building relationships with others is never you value and respect them. Each of us is an individual,
an easy or quick process. You will have to put thought different from all other individuals. We each have our
into establishing and sustaining your relationships with own characteristics, strengths and weaknesses, and
children. The effort will be worthwhile because, if you needs and wishes, which are not the same as anyone
form a good and positive relationship with a child, they else’s. Don’t expect a child to behave in a particular way
will be more likely to: because you have known another child of that gender,
• feel they can trust you age, ethnicity or family background who has behaved
• be able to form relationships with others like that. Stereotypes can be a major barrier to seeing
• become confident and able to cope with the world and treating each child as an individual. They are
• respect your views and values, and respond to your generalisations about people, assumptions that because
guidance about how they behave. a person is part of a particular group, they will be the
same as others in that group. Such assumptions are
usually inaccurate. There are as many differences within
groups in our society as there are between them. Not all
Good practice checklist deaf people have the same needs as other deaf people;
not all members of a religion adhere strictly to its dietary
You can build positive relationships with children by: laws or rules about dress; not all children with Down’s
• giving them with a warm welcome, smiling and syndrome are docile and affectionate.
making eye-contact
• finding out about what is important to them in
their lives and what they like to do
• paying attention to what they are saying and
Key term
showing that you are interested in their ideas and Stereotypes are generalisations about people,
opinions assumptions that because a person is part of a
• talking about the things you like about them – for particular group, they will be the same as others in
example, when they are kind and considerate or that group. Such assumptions are usually inaccurate.
helpful
• showing respect for and interest in their
parents and family
• being fun to be with – using lots of
humour and laughter.
[]
1.1
Theory into practice Sustained close relationships give young children a feeling
of security, and help them to cope with new experiences.
Josie has a variety of ways of showing children how They become confident that they can depend upon
she sees them as individuals and values them for ‘their adult’ to be available and to help them understand
who and what they are. She says:
their surroundings and the things that happen to them.
• I work hard at getting people’s names right Continuity in the availability of a known and trusted
because our name is a key part of who we are.
adult is essential – babies and young children whose main
I never use another name just because I find it
carer is constantly changing find it difficult to develop
easier to pronounce. I check how to pronounce
self-confidence; they remain fearful that there will not be
and spell names I’m not familiar with, especially if
it is from a language other than my own.
a trustworthy adult at hand to ‘rescue’ them.
• I make life-size cut-outs of the children and ask
them to decorate their own cut-out. I ask them to
tell me things about themselves, and I write what
they tell me on their cut-outs – things like ‘Leah Good practice checklist
likes …’, Jacob is good at …’.
• I talk with children about the characteristics that Building a close relationship with a baby or toddler
make each of us special and individual – our skin depends very much on physical contact and touch.
colour, our hair texture, our features – and I show You should:
that I admire theirs. • handle the babies and under-3s you work with
• I ask parents to contribute to our activities. When gently – cuddle and stroke them
Parvinder’s father came to show us how to put on • look into their eyes and smile at them
a turban, Parvinder was bursting with pride! • show affection towards them
• observe them closely and get to know and
understand the ways they are trying to
communicate by learning what their different
Changing relationships types of crying mean
• make the child the centre of your attention, and
Babies and young children need to bond with the keep distractions from colleagues to a minimum
key adults in their lives, to have close and positive • not hurry through routine care tasks such as
relationships with a limited circle of adults. Their feeding and nappy changing, so you can enjoy one
relationships with these adults are the basis of their another’s company.
social development, enabling them to learn to have
relationships with other adults and children. As they
Some settings have introduced policies which limit
get to know an adult, they begin to trust that person to
practitioners’ physical contact with children. But babies
look after them and to understand and respond readily
and under-3s need affection, expressed by physical
to their needs, both physical and emotional. These
contact, to develop in a healthy emotional way. If the
relationships are also essential to their healthy
adults caring for these very young children do not have
emotional development.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development []
close physical contact with them, they will not
be able to build a strong relationship with the
children and will deprive them of an essential
element of a secure emotional environment.
Extension activity
Why do you think some settings have introduced
policies which limit physical contact with children?.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development []
The relationships you develop with children must always
m
be within the professional values which are so important Valuing children and listening to the
in work with children. These include:
We have seen how valuing each child as an individual
• promoting the welfare and rights of children
lays the basis of forming relationships with them. Later
• valuing children and listening to them
in this unit we will look at how to listen actively to
• promoting children’s self-esteem
children. The UNCRC also sets out children’s rights to
• working in ways which are anti-discriminatory and
express their views and have them taken into account,
inclusive
according to their age and maturity. As your relationship
• maintaining confidentiality.
with a child develops, you will become aware of their
views and preferences, and your responsibility is to take
Children’s welfare and rights those views and preferences seriously and respond to
them in the way you behave towards the child.
The Children Act 1989 and the United Nations
Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) requires The Coram Family project ‘Listening to Young Children’
you always to put the welfare of each child at the top of has developed the ‘Mosaic approach’ to help us to listen
your priorities in all your work. It is the child’s right that to what children tell us about their ideas and feelings,
their interests always take priority over the interests of so we are more aware of their opinions and can take
their parents, your colleagues, you and your setting. account of them. The approach uses various methods:
Children’s rights are covered in detail in Unit 6. • observing pre-verbal children and children with
limited speech
• ‘child conferencing’ – talking with children in a
structured way, using a checklist of simple questions
to ‘interview’ children, such as asking them what they
Theory into practice like best about their setting
• cameras – giving children disposable cameras,
When Gina was on one of her work placements, she showing them how to use them, asking them to take
began to realise that some of the safety procedures photos of things in the setting that they like and
in the setting were not carried out rigorously. The bolt dislike, and discussing the photos with them
on the outside gate was often left unfastened, and • tours – children taking an adult on a tour of the
children were sometimes handed over to adults setting, explaining and commenting on each area.
the staff did not know without the methods for
These methods can be combined in various ways,
using passwords being used. At first, she felt
helping children to express their ideas and feelings. You
a reluctance to say anything about this
can find out more about this in Listening to Young
– either to the nursery manager or to
her tutor. She was afraid the manager
Children: the Mosaic approach – see References
would be offended and perhaps would and further reading,
refuse to allow her to remain on the page 000.
placement – maybe the college might not
be able to use that setting for placements
in future. But she remembered her duty
to put the welfare of the children first and
discussed with her tutor the best way to
bring these matters to the attention of
the manager.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development []
experience discrimination have fewer opportunities in Another key element in your relationships with children
life than other people. Openly expressed prejudice is a which will enable you to be anti-discriminatory
daily part of life for many black people in Britain, even and inclusive is treat each child ‘with equal concern’,
for small children. Disabled people and gay people also making sure that they have the opportunities which
frequently experience prejudice and discrimination. will help them to get the most out of life. You should
not treat children ‘all the same’, but respond to each as
an individual. Sometimes this means you have to treat
Key terms
children differently from one another, adapting the way
you work to the individual needs and characteristics of a
Anti-discriminatory practice ensures that children child, making specific arrangements for them or taking a
have equality of opportunity and do not experience different approach.
discrimination or prejudice.
Discrimination means treating someone less
favourably than other people, because they or their
family are seen as belonging to a particular group in Theory into practice
society.
Discrimination is based on prejudice, which is an These practitioners treat children ‘with equal
unfavourable opinion of a person or group, usually concern’, not all the same.
arising from inaccurate information or lack of Rhian works with a 6-year-old boy with physical
information. disabilities which mean that he finds it difficult
Inclusion is the process of identifying, to sit up unless his back is well supported.
understanding and breaking down barriers to She makes sure that he has his foam shapes
participation and belonging. It recognises and values comfortably in position so he can sit up at the
the diversity of our society, prevents prejudice and table to play board games with the other children.
discrimination and promotes equality of opportunity. He needs that extra attention so he has the same
opportunities as the others to join in and enjoy
the games.
Your relationships with the children you work with
Morag works with children from African-Caribbean
must always be underpinned by a determination to and Asian backgrounds as well as white children.
challenge and reject prejudice and discrimination, in She provides paints and felt-tip pens in a wide
order to ensure that all children have an equal chance range of skin tones so all the children have an
to achieve and progress. This applies wherever you live equal opportunity to paint and draw accurate
and work. Many people who are in areas of the country pictures of themselves, their families and one
where there are few people from minority ethnic groups another.
often feel this aspect of practice is not relevant to them Sinead works with children from Chinese and
– but it is. Children in predominantly white areas will South Asian origins. Her setting has been using
grow up to be adults in a multi-racial, multi-cultural an assessment schedule that referred to the
society and will live and work with people of various ability to use a knife and fork in assessing a
racial origins and cultural backgrounds. They need to child’s manipulative skills. She points out to her
learn to respect other people’s ways of life and to value manager that this meant that the nursery is under-
individuals equally, not to see other people’s ways of life estimating the capabilities of some of the children
who are very skilful at eating with chopsticks or
as ‘abnormal’ or of less value than their own way of life.
with their fingers.
We have already seen that you can also ensure your
Emma ensures that the girls in her setting know
practice is anti-discriminatory and inclusive by avoiding
that it’s perfectly OK to climb and play football, and
stereotypical assumptions about the children you work that the boys don’t feel that they can’t play in the
with and ensuring you value and welcome each as a home corner.
unique individual.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [11]
1.2 How to communicate with children
You must work at your skills in communicating with When someone speaks to us, we receive more
children because the way you communicate with them information from body language than from the actual
is important not only for their communication and words spoken. It is said that only 10 per cent of what we
language development, but also the development of your communicate is in the form of the words we use, and the
relationship with them. rest comes from non-verbal communication.
The link between communication and relationships Much early communication from young children is
is two-way. Being able to communicate effectively is through non-verbal communication. For example,
an essential element of having social relationships babies have a range of different types of crying, differing
with other people. Experiencing social interactions in pitch, volume and persistence, and you need to tune
helps to develop communication skills. Children are in to these so you are able to respond appropriately. You
strongly motivated to make social contact with adults will be able to recognise the difference between the half-
and other children, and to communicate with them. hearted whimpering of a baby settling to sleep, the full-
Although most children don’t learn to talk until throated roar of a hungry baby and the heart-broken
between their first and second birthdays, babies are sobbing of a small child who has been separated from a
able to communicate from birth, and eager for others known adult.
to communicate with them. Young children, especially babies, also communicate
through whole body movements such as:
Non verbal communication • wriggling (to show that they don’t want to be
handled in a particular way or by a particular person)
The ability to communicate is not only about spoken • bouncing up and down (when they are enjoying
language (verbal communication) but also non-verbal playing)
communication, through body language. • turning away (when they are distressed or bored).
Your body language consists of: ‘Listening’ to young children is not just about hearing
words. To be able to respond to their attempts at
• your tone of voice (how loudly you speak, the
softness or harshness of your voice, whether you end communicating to you, you must ‘listen’ to all forms
on an ‘up’ note, as in a question) of their communication, including non-verbal
communication. You ‘listen’ to children not only with
• your facial expressions (frowning, smiling)
your hearing, but also by watching and touching them.
• your stance (tense, relaxed, hands on hips)
• your gestures (pointing, arms crossed) Similarly, children understand a great deal of what
• the way you touch others. you are communicating long before they actually
understand the words you are using. Your body
language has a great effect on them – they are very
sensitive to non-verbal communication. A stern look
Key terms from you may mean much more to a 2-year-old who is
Verbal communication means using the spoken doing something they know they should not than what
word. you actually say to them. Young children pick up very
Non-verbal communication occurs without words, readily on adults’ physical tension and they can find
for example, through body language or by signing. this unsettling and bewildering.
Body language is how you communicate non-
verbally, including tone of voice, facial expressions,
stance, gestures, touch.
Verbal
communication
We have already seen that when
you talk to children, they do
Babies communicate through non-verbal communication not just receive and understand the words you use to
them; your tone of voice and body language are equally
important. You will probably find that when you talk to
babies you intuitively use what is called motherese. This
Good practice checklist is the way generations of mothers have talked to their
babies and consists of:
Think about how your non-verbal communication • a higher pitch of voice and slower speech than when
affects children: you talk to older children and adults
• If you talk to them in calm and warm ways, you • simple vocabulary and sentence structure
help them feel relaxed and comfortable. • exaggerated intonation
• If you shout, you may frighten them. • repetition.
• If you get down to their level and make eye-contact Never feel embarrassed at talking in this way – it attracts
with them, they will know that you are talking to
babies to listen to you.
them specifically, listening to them and taking an
interest in them.
• If you stroke them gently, you can soothe and
reassure them.
• If you handle them roughly, you are likely to upset
Key term
them. Motherese is how a mother talks to her baby,
• If you use positive body language like smiles and including a higher pitch of voice and slower
nodding, you will encourage them to communicate speech than when you talk to older children and
with you. adults, simple vocabulary and sentence structure,
• If you are physically tense, you can make them exaggerated intonation, repetition. Also known as
feel anxious. infant directed speech.
A significant aspect of body language is making eye- Talking to and with children is not something that
contact. However, you need to be aware how eye-contact happens at planned and fixed times in the day. It is part
is interpreted in different cultures. In some cultures, it of the natural everyday occurrences in your setting,
is considered challenging or impolite if a child looks an accompanying all that you do with the children.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [13]
they know well who listens to them and
responds to them.
An adult who is responsive is one who
engages in conversation with children.
They listen carefully to children, and use
what they hear to communicate back
to them. Unfortunately, observation
and research has shown that pre-school
children in a group setting may have as
little as 3 minutes real conversation of
this nature with an adult during a 2-hour
session; most of what adults say to them
takes the form of instructions (‘time to put
Get down to the child’s level that away’, ‘put your coat on’). You must
build your professional practice to ensure that you are a
responsive practitioner who communicates frequently
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [15]
Theory into practice
Jon decided to check his use of different forms
of communication with children. He kept a small
notebook by him and noted down examples of what
he said to children over a couple of days. Later he
looked through his notes and found that he had
used a wide range of forms of communication:
• task-oriented comments: ‘We’re putting all the
bricks back in their box.’
• task-oriented questions: ‘Can you find the blue
car to go in the garage?’
• instructions: ‘Please go and wash your hands
now.’
Is this an example of an open question?
• asking questions: ‘Which of these objects will
float, and which will sink, I wonder?’
Open questions are a great aid to both conversations • answering questions: ‘The new books we chose
and discussions. They stimulate conversation and keep it from the library yesterday are on the yellow shelf
going, and provoke discussion. They cannot be answered over there.’
simply by a ‘Yes’, a ‘No’ or any other single word (such • labelling: ‘Here’s your coat – let’s put your arms in
the sleeves.’ and ‘The leaves have fallen off the
questions are ‘closed’ questions). Don’t say ‘Did you
trees.’
enjoy the party yesterday?’ but do say ‘What did you do
• recalling: ‘When Zainab came to the nursery
at the party yesterday?’
yesterday she told us about her new baby brother.’
• expressing: ‘Everyone is sad today because it’s
Key term Mrs J’s last day with us.’ and ‘You are very cross
about that.’
Open questions cannot be answered by ‘Yes’, ‘No’
He also noted a good conversation with Billy about
or any other single word (such questions are ‘closed’
a story they had enjoyed together, and a discussion
questions).
with Taylor and Millie about how to build a bridge
with some of the bricks.
As you converse and discuss, you will be:
• recalling – talking about what happened in the past
• expressing – talking about feelings and emotions.
Good communication with children through
conversation and discussion contributes to various
aspects of their development.
• Asking children about what they did yesterday or last
Barriers to communication
week helps to develop their skills of memory. You and the children you work with may have difficulties
• Providing them with an emotional vocabulary communicating with one another because:
helps them to deal with their anxieties or fears and • their communication development is impaired in
anger without becoming overwhelmed with strong some way
emotions. • you and they do not share a spoken language
• Asking them what they think might happen ‘if …’ • you do not understand them because:
helps to extend their understanding of concepts and – you don’t know them well enough
their ability to predict consequences. – you are making assumptions about them.
You are likely to work with children who experience You may work with children who are growing up in a
hearing impairment to a greater or lesser extent, either home where their first language is different from the
temporarily or permanently. We know much sooner language spoken in their childcare setting or school. As
now than we did in the past if a baby has a hearing they develop, they are likely to become bilingual which
impairment because newborn babies’ hearing can be is a great asset in life. Even very young children quickly
tested, but a hearing impairment can develop later. learn vocabulary in two languages, and are soon able to
respond and apply them at home and in your setting.
Many children suffer temporary hearing loss because However, if you do not understand the home language
of glue ear, a condition in which the middle ear fills of a child, you may have difficulty understanding
up with a sticky fluid which muffles sound. Up to 70 their early attempts at speech, and you may not always
per cent of children are likely to have a bout of glue ear respond appropriately to them.
before they reach their fourth birthday, but it is most
common among:
• children who get lots of colds and ear infections Barriers to understanding
• children who live in homes where people smoke
• boys When you work with babies and older children who
• children who were bottle-fed rather than breast-fed. have little spoken language (or have a different spoken
language from yours), you have to make sure that you
are open to non-verbal communications from them.
To be able to understand the full range of a child’s
Key term communications to you, you have to get to know them
Glue ear is a condition in which the middle ear fills very well. A baby may be ‘saying’ that they want to be put
up with a sticky fluid which muffles sound. down to sleep by starting to suck their thumb and pluck
at their clothes. But an adult who does not know that
baby would be unable to interpret that message, and the
Glue ear usually clears up on its own, but some children baby’s needs would not be met.
are susceptible to recurring bouts, and a few need an Misunderstandings in communication can arise because
operation to insert grommets. It can be very confusing of cultural differences. In some parts of South Asia,
for children who experience some periods when they people use a sideways motion of the head which can
can’t hear properly, and other times when their hearing mean both ‘yes’ and ‘no’ or neither ‘yes’ nor ’no’, and
is fine and this can adversely affect the development of this can be very confusing for European people who
their communication skills. don’t know how to interpret the gesture. You might
You may encounter children whose development is on assume that an African-Caribbean boy who refused
the autistic spectrum so they have difficulties forming to meet your eye when you were talking to him was
social relationships. Their inability to relate to others being insolent or shifty. However, if you are aware that
impedes the development of their communication skills, in some cultures making eye-contact is regarded as
and their poor communication skills hinder their ability disrespectful, you would understand that he was in fact
to form social relationships. being polite.
About 5 per cent of children stammer for a time when
they are learning to talk (four times as many boys as
girls are affected). Stammering can have physical or
emotional causes, but often there is no clear reason.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [17]
Recognising and • struggle to understand the basic concepts which
underpin cognitive development
responding to • encounter emotional and behavioural difficulties. A
child who cannot hear or understand what is being
communication difficulties said to them is likely to become bewildered and
confused, and this may lead them to become angry
Your observations of children in a setting and attempts
or withdrawn. A child who cannot get across their
at communicating with them may lead you to suspect
feelings or what they want and need may resort to
that a child is having difficulties in their communication
tantrums of frustration
development.
• be delayed in learning to read and write.
You can do a great deal to help children who have
communication difficulties. This may involve you in
Theory into practice extending your skills so you can communicate in sign
language or by using Makaton, a language system which
Paulette and Jan are experienced practitioners who uses signs and symbols and enables people who cannot
shared with some students their experiences of speak or write to communicate. The signs are mostly
encountering children whose communication skills black and white pictures which convey meaning more
were not developing well. They described situations easily than words, which are more abstract. There are
in which they had spotted that children were not
many strategies you can use to provide the support
developing as might have been expected.
children need.
Paulette described:
• a 6-month-old baby who didn’t react to loud noises
with a startled response and didn’t turn towards
the source of a sound Key term
• a 3-year-old who persistently played on their own
Makaton is a language system which uses signs and
and didn’t seek the company of others
symbols and enables people who cannot speak or
• a child of nearly 3 who had scarcely any active
write to communicate.
vocabulary and the sounds or words they did make
had little or inappropriate intonation.
Jan described:
• a 20-month-old toddler who didn’t look up or
respond to an adult or another child speaking to
them
• a 2-year-old who was constantly puzzled or
confused by the use of vocabulary for ordinary,
everyday objects or actions
• a 4-year-old child who seemed to have difficulty in
understanding other people’s responses to them or
recognising other people’s feelings.
Difficulties in communication development can have
wide reaching effects on other aspects of development.
A child who experiences barriers or difficulties in their
communication development is likely to:
• find it difficult to form relationships and get left out
of play with other children Makaton symbols for everyday objects
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [19]
1.3 How to support children as they develop relationships
Human beings are social animals; we live in communities; themselves are doing and have no understanding of
to have a fulfilling life, children need to learn how to ‘playing together’ or ‘sharing’. You may observe babies
develop and sustain positive relationships with others. watching others and showing awareness of others,
Fortunately, they are ‘programmed’ to want to interact and there is evidence of communication between
with other people. Tiny babies gaze at human faces with young babies, but they will not be truly playing
interest and at a few weeks old start to smile which engages together at this age.
the attention and interest of adults and other children. • Parallel play By the age of 2 years, children may play
side by side but are mostly engrossed in their own
Developing relationships activities and do not interact very much. They may
through play
spend periods of time watching each other play, and
they may even be chatting, but they still are not really
playing together.
As with so much of their learning, children learn the
elements of how to develop relationships through play. • Co-operative play As they move through 3 and 4
years, children begin to play with other children
They learn to:
spontaneously. They work together to discuss, agree
• play and work co-operatively, sharing and taking turns and implement ideas.
• have some understanding of how other people feel,
and help to be considerate and care for others
• develop skills in dealing with disagreements and
conflicts for themselves.
Key terms
Solitary play Babies and under-2s mostly play alone.
The way children play with one another changes and
develops, from solitary play to parallel play to co- Parallel play By the age of 2 years, children may play
operative play. side by side but do not interact very much.
Co-operative play By 3 and 4 years, children begin
• Solitary play Babies and under-2s mostly play alone.
to play with other children.
Babies are completely involved with what they
[20]
1.3
You can help children move along the pathway from who are separate from themselves and who have feelings
solitary to parallel to co-operative play by supporting like their own. But as children develop, they learn to
their play – asking one child what the other is doing, empathise, and can begin to take other people’s feelings
encouraging children to share toys, showing them ways and well-being into account. This will affect their own
of playing together. attitudes and actions, and they begin to make choices
about how to behave. This is the foundation of ethical
or moral development – what is sometimes referred
to as ‘knowing right from wrong’ and what children
Case study: Supporting talk about as ‘being fair’. If children don’t learn these
children’s relationships through play skills, they will not be accepted and welcomed by other
people, and that will lead to unhappiness and exclusion
Jodie works in a small nursery, spending most of
which are often the basis of various forms of anti-social
her time with the 2-and 3-year-olds. She notices that
behaviour, including bullying.
some of the children rarely play with others, and some
have difficulty sharing play equipment and materials. You can help even quite young children to begin to be
1 How can she encourage children to play considerate and caring towards others.
together and begin to develop relationships
with one another?
2 How should she respond to those who do not
Learning to understand
• be considerate towards one another
• think about how other children feel.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [21]
How do you
think Hetty Key terms
feels now? Rules describe what children may or may not do.
Boundaries indicate the limits to acceptable
behaviour.
Expectations indicate to children how adults expect
them to behave.
A crucial factor in being able to behave in ways which may need your support to work through what is going
are acceptable to others around them is children’s ability on. You may be able to help them take partial control of
to cope with their strong emotions. A well thought out the situation, which will help them in future to manage
framework for behaviour and guidelines on sanctions conflict for themselves.
can help children move towards self-control as they:
• learn to deal with their strong emotions
• develop the ability to understand and respect the
feelings and rights of other people Good practice checklist
• start to accept rules and to apply them for themselves,
without external pressure from adults. You can help children resolve conflicts by:
You can play a role in helping children to accept rules • providing comfort to a child who is distressed
and understand why they are necessary. by what is happening, perhaps who is the object
of some unacceptable behaviour such as racist
remarks
• acknowledging the feelings of that child
Case study: Involving children • asking each child to explain what is happening
in setting the ‘rules’ • reminding a child whose behaviour has fallen
short of the expectations of the setting that the
Beth is starting work in a new after-school club way they have behaved is unacceptable, and
and holiday play scheme with children aged 6–10. explaining the hurt caused
The staff team have made a start on a set of • asking the children how the situation might
expectations for children’s behaviour, and now want be resolved, and giving them time to make
to involve the children in agreeing what the framework suggestions
should contain. • praising the good suggestions they make and
1 How can Beth and her colleagues approach helping them put them into effect
this? What contributions can they invite from • reminding the child who behaved unacceptably
the children, and how? that that form of behaviour falls short of
2 What should they do if the rules the children expectations – but making clear your continued
come up with are very different form the ones affection for the child – ‘I didn’t like what you did,
they have already thought of? but I still like you.’
Resolving conflicts
It is inevitable that the children you work with
will at times have disagreements and be in
conflict with one another. Very often, your best
strategy is to hold back, observe what is going
on and not intervene. You will find out that the
children who have developed a sense of what is
‘fair’ and learned some emotional control will
be able to resolve a conflict for themselves.
However, on other occasions, you may
need to intervene – especially if one child is
being hurt or verbally abused and is unable
Help children to resolve
to respond on their own behalf. Children conflicts for themselves
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [23]
Your aim should be to enable children to sort out their Something to guard against when you work with
differences for themselves. This will be a valuable skill in other adults in a setting with children is not to let your
their later lives, helping them to be confident, assertive attention drift on to the other adults and away from
and less likely to become victims of bullying. the children. When you get to know colleagues, you are
likely to enjoy chatting to them and sharing information
relate positively to children breaks and out of work hours. When you are working
with the children, they and your relationship with them
Besides working at the development of your own must be the focus of your attention.
relationships with the children you work with, you can
contribute to their relationships with other adults in the
setting. You might play a role in helping a child to get to
know and feel comfortable with an unfamiliar adult, for Case study: Keeping the focus
example when: on the childreny
• a new colleague joins your team and has to get to
Jess and Laura often spend time gossiping when
know the children
they are supposed to be working with the children,
• a child moves on within the setting – for example, so they don’t observe the children closely and miss
from the baby room to the under-3s room – and they out on what the children are trying to communicate
have a new key worker to them. They often try to draw Nina in to their
• another professional comes to the setting to help conversations.
provide specialist input, for example, a speech and 1 How can Nina avoid this?
language therapist.
2 What should she do to try to encourage
Jess and Laura to concentrate more on their
relationships with the children?
their practice. Perhaps the most effective way you can If you have got to know a child well and observe them
encourage such colleagues to improve their relationships carefully, you will pick up such signals of distress and be
with children is by being a good role model; show able to respond appropriately.
by your practice how to develop and sustain positive When children become distressed, they need a sensitive
relationships with children. adult with whom they have a close relationship to help
them cope with distress. This enables them to become
able to manage their feelings for themselves. In the past,
some approaches to childcare included the ‘let them cry’
Extension activity method. To pick up a crying baby was seen as ‘spoiling’
them. Current knowledge helps us to realise that it is
If you found yourself working with someone described bad for babies’ emotional health if they are left to cry
in the list above, how would you try to help them for lengthy periods because the baby who cries and
change the way they related to children? cries feels abandoned, and that they can’t trust adults to
respond to their calls for help.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [25]
seriously, that their anxieties or fears are important
to you, and that you want to help put things right.
You should also remember that a child who is often
distressed may need protection from abuse, and it is
your responsibility and duty to take action.
For more about child protection, see Unit 5. Distress is
also discussed in Unit 14, page 000.
Working with children means that you have also to work also be members of the management committee who
with adults. There are three main groups of adults you will, in effect, also be your employers.
will work with. • Colleagues who also work in your setting You must
• The children’s parents It is essential that you work as a member of the team and ensure that
communicate closely with the parents of the children information is shared with others (you can learn
you work with, in the interests of consistency more about this in Unit 4). Remember that your
and continuity of their care and their learning manager and support staff (such as admin., catering
opportunities. If you work in a community-based and cleaning workers) are also your colleagues.
setting like a pre-school, some of the parents may
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [27]
Listening
To be sure that you pick up other people’s messages
accurately and respond to them appropriately, you
need to listen carefully to them. Remember what
we said about listening to children, and apply
it to listening to adults too. You need to listen
actively to both their verbal and non-verbal
communication. Their words may be saying one
thing, but their body language may be giving
an entirely different message, which may be a
more accurate reflection of how they feel. If you
show that you are listening carefully, people are
more likely to feel confident in their relationship
with you, and be more receptive to what you say to
them. Showing that you are listening helps build strong relationships
Responding to adults
Careful active listening will enable you to understand
Good practice checklist what others want and need, and put you in a position
to respond to them. What you say in response to them
People will know you are listening to them when helps them to keep communicating.
you: As we saw with children, a valuable technique in
• look at them, and nod and smile communicating with adults is to ask open questions, so
• show you are interested in what they are saying, you:
and concerned about them
• gather information and explore ideas
• ask them questions which help them to continue
with what they want to say
• confirm and clarify what is being said.
• wait until they pause before you ask questions Using prompts also helps to keep people talking and
• leave pauses and silences in your conversation responding. For example, you can:
which give them time to think about what they • reflect back what you observe and hear: ‘You look
want to say. worried’, ‘You sound disappointed’
They will know you are not listening to them when • confirm that you understand what they’re
you: communicating: ‘I was very interested in what you
• keep looking round the room, not at them said about …’
• interrupt them and keep finishing off their • clarify and check that what you are understanding is
sentences or jumping in with advice accurate: ‘I’m picking up that you feel …’
• yawn or speak to someone else or answer the • summarise and focus on the main issues: ‘From what
phone you’ve said, the main problem is …’.
• keep talking about yourself, capping everything
Be careful about using jargon and sets of initials. You
they say about themselves with a ‘better’ story of
your own might expect to share a lot of technical language with
• keep looking at your watch and sitting on the your colleagues, but parents may be bewildered by the
edge of the chair (giving the message that you terms you use. Even amongst colleagues, be alert to
want to get away). people who are newer to the profession or, in a multi-
disciplinary team, may use terminology in a different
way. Check that everyone has a shared understanding even use dialect phrases sometimes, you may need to
of a term. It will help if you restate a technical word in modify the way you talk to make sure that everyone can
direct and easily understood language. Make sure your understand your pronunciation and the phrases you use.
listeners understand the sets of initials you use.
Communication difficulties
Just as you may encounter barriers in your
Theory into practice communication with children, so you may sometimes
find it difficult to communicate effectively with adults.
Ciara decided to monitor the way she spoke to There may be several reasons for this, and each will need
parents, colleagues and other professionals a different approach to resolve the problem.
over a period of three days, to spot areas of her
The most obvious barrier is lack of a shared language.
communication skills she needed to work on. She
If parents have a home language which is different from
caught herself:
your own, you may need to rely on interpreters and this
• using the phrases ‘motor development’, ‘first-hand
can bring difficulties. Professional interpreters will be
experiences’ and ‘interpersonal skills’ to some
impartial and simply pass on what the other person is
parents who looked at her blankly
• referring to the ‘CIS’, the ‘EYFS’ and ‘CCLD NVQs’ saying, as accurately and completely as possible. However,
to the modern apprentice who had just joined the if someone who is, for example, a family member or an
setting and who became very puzzled official in a religious community acts as an interpreter,
• realising part way through a conversation with a they may put their own ‘spin’ on what is being said.
speech and language therapist that they were using They may tell you what they would prefer the parent to
the terms ‘inclusion’ and ‘integration’ with different be saying to you and include their own advice in what
meanings, confusing themselves and one another. they tell the parent. Confidentiality issues may also arise.
When you are speaking through an interpreter, pause
frequently to allow the translation to take place.
It is important to pitch the vocabulary you use and your
As with children, the barrier may be related to disability,
tone appropriately to the person you are talking to. Whilst
and you may need to use sign language or Makaton.
you should avoid jargon, especially when talking to
parents, and speak in direct ways, you have to be careful
not to oversimplify. If you try to make everything very
simple, you may miss out important information, and you Good practice checklist
run the risk of sounding patronising. There is a balance
to be achieved. Many parents say they find professionals To help communicate with someone with a hearing
condescending at times, giving the impression that they impairment:
feel superior because of their specialist knowledge. The • find a quiet part of the setting to speak to one
professionals concerned may not have meant to give that another
impression, so it is important that you observe the person • make sure the person knows you are trying to
you are speaking to and pick up on clues that they are communicate with them, gain their attention
irritated or upset by the way you are speaking to them. • speak clearly and not too rapidly
The key is to see acknowledge that parents are experts on • face towards the person you are speaking to and
ensure there is light on your face so they can lip
their own child, just as you have expertise about children
read
in general. This enables you to operate as partners, on an
• use appropriate gestures to reinforce your spoken
equal footing, each making a contribution. words
It is essential that you express yourself clearly, so use • take your time and check that what you are saying
language which is appropriate to the person you are talking is being understood.
to, and speak distinctly. If you have a regional accent or
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [29]
Remember that you can erect barriers to
communication yourself. Some childcare
professionals are always busy, busy, busy
or have little patience with people who
are not confronting life issues that they
think they could resolve quite easily (leave
an abusive partner, give up smoking, get
a job). The barrier they erect means that
parents can’t get across what they think
and feel because they sense that they are
not being listened to or understood.
Communicating with someone is likely
to become more difficult if you make
Sign language can help to overcome communication barriers assumptions about them rather than
listening carefully to what they are actually
Emotional stress is a significant barrier to communicating. If you rely on stereotyped views of people
communication. When we are upset, we find it difficult based on their cultural and social backgrounds, you are
to express ourselves clearly and coherently, or to hear not focusing on them as an individual. For example, you
what others are saying to us. It is better to wait until might assume that a colleague who has had a university
someone has calmed down before trying to pass on education grew up in a well-to-do family so they are out
important information, and understand that in the heat of touch with the reality facing many of the families you
of the moment they may say things they don’t really work with. In fact, they may have come from a low income
mean. You also need to understand that when people are family and have a very clear understanding of living
overwhelmed by personal circumstances such as marital within limited resources in poor housing and dealing with
breakdown, serious illness or bereavement, they often uncertainty about future employment opportunities.
build a shell around themselves which hinders them
from expressing themselves of listening to others. They
may also experience a low ebb of self-confidence, and
you will need to make extra efforts to show that you seek
Conflict and disagreement
and value their opinions and views. It is almost inevitable that at some time in your
professional career, you will encounter a situation where
you are in disagreement or even conflict with other adults.
Sadly, things do go wrong at times between parents and
Extension activity settings; misunderstandings arise, and sometimes parents
make complaints. In any work team, problems crop up.
Leo fell off the climbing frame this morning and Disagreement is not always a negative – the expression
gashed his leg on a protruding bracket. He has been of different points of view can be creative and help
taken to hospital to have stitches. Kelly phoned his development. But conflict can cause:
mother at work and she has set out for the hospital.
The other children are being kept away from the
• tension in relationships and anxiety and stress for
individuals
climbing frame until the manager can examine it.
• deterioration in the ability to work well so the quality
Suddenly, Leo’s father arrives, shouting angrily: ‘You
of the services to children and families is disrupted.
bunch of incompetent women. I’ll sue you. You’re not
fit to be in charge of children.’ It is important that serious disagreements are sorted out
How should Kelly communicate to Leo’s father what in a professional way as soon as possible so everyone is
has happened and the actions that have been taken? able to move on. The longer the situation is left, usually
the worse it becomes.
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [31]
End of unit assessment
Look back through your records of your work 3 Why is it important that, as someone who
placements and use what you have recorded to help works with children, you are able to
you answer these questions. communicate effectively with adults? M3
1 How does the way you communicate with the 4 What are your strengths in communicating
children help you to build relationships with and building relationships with adults?
them? Why are your skills of communicating What areas of practice do you need to develop?
with children important in the process of
building relationships with them? M1
2 What are your strengths in communicating and
building relationships with children? What
areas of practice do you need to develop? D1
To achieve a pass grade the evidence must show that the learner
is able to:
P1 use
examples from placement to describe how relationships 1.1 00
can be developed with children
P3 use
examples from placement to describe how children can be 1.3 00
supported in developing relationships
M1 explain
why communication skills are important in developing End of unit 00
relationships with children in placement settings assessment
M3 explain
the importance of effective communication with adults End of unit 00
in the children’s care, learning and development sector assessment
D1 evaluate
own communication skills in terms of developing End of unit 00
relationships with children in placement settings assessment
D2 evaluation
own communication skills in terms of developing End of unit 00
relationships with adults in placement settings assessment
Unit 1 | Positive relationships for children’s care, learning and development [33]