Tortured Mind, Poetic Heart

By: Connie Rae McCabe Vigil

If Guilt Was a Color

If guilt was a color,

What would it be?
Blue like the sky,
Green like a tree?

Would it be red,
Like a cardinal in flight?
Would it be yellow,
Or would it be white?

How about brown,

The color of earth?
It could even be black,
For all that it’s worth.

If guilt was a color,

I believe it would be
Nothing but gray,
Nothing to see.

If guilt was a color

Surely it’s clear,
Adds more to its mystery
More to fear.
Characteristics of God

Thundering skies
The voice of God
His awesome power
Spreading abroad

Blowing wind
God’s strengthening breath
Restoring our souls
Defeating death

Drizzling rain
The Almighty’s tears
Crying for mankind
Yearning wasted years

Glistening sunshine
God’s glory above
Shining down on us
Spreading His love

Blooming flowers
Coloring the earth
His artistic touch
Giving new birth

Sculpturing clouds
Providing the way
For Jesus to come
On that glorious day
Fear Retreats

The rushing wind outside my head

is it angels or am I dead?
night creeps in and all is dark
fear abounds

I know God’s angels watch over me

is it them, will I be free?
or are they demons of my mind
fear abounds

The swirling wind grows yet stronger

if it is evil I can’t fight any longer
dear God I pray my angels win
fear abounds

The spiritual fight now has ceased

God’s ominous power has increased
angels flutter me into slumber
fear retreats
1There Goes the Brain Again

There goes the brain again

playing it’s games
firing isolating obsessions
thoughts and images I can’t restrain

There goes the brain again

sending the wrong messages
the pain and agony of deception
for understanding I can’t contain

There goes the brain again

its meanings unknown
flirting with demonic reason
a spiritual fight I maintain

There goes the brain again

toying with perversion
screaming out in rage
beyond boundaries I feel insane
Her Prayer

Alone she sits

it’s been a long wait
she says her prayers
dreams of heaven’s gates

Her heart is worn

it’s been broken too
If it wasn’t for God
don’t know what she’d do

She whimpers in silence

as she’s on her knees
her soul is too burdened
with her heavy pleas

She wraps it all up

as a nice little gift
then lies it down
for Jesus to lift

Without a word
Jesus tugs on the bow
in her gaze of amazement
she suddenly lets go

She’s able to stand

even project a smile
Jesus holds out his hand
“Oh come stay awhile”

She leaves all behind

that burdened her heart
she’s been given a chance
to make a new start
Never-ending Agony of Deception

You are constantly firing against me

I find no relief from you
Insane obsessions uncontrollable
Never-ending agony of deception

You are like a thirsty demon

Gnashing within my mind
screaming obscenities
Never-ending agony of deception

You are constantly terrorizing me

Even in slumber I whimper
Crying out for succor
Never-ending agony of deception

You are exhausting my strength

Deranged demon warrior
I am not giving into
The never-ending agony of deception
Whisper of your name

I hear the whisper of your name in my thoughts

as I ease off into slumber I have dreams of you
they are never ceasing and beautiful
they are thoughts of you and I
in-love and loving each other

I hear the whisper of your name in my thoughts

as I dream of exotic places with waterfalls of love
I never awake fully to life as it once was
before you existed in my life
and became my lover

I hear the whisper of your name in my thoughts

as I awaken to the lovely reality of our world
I am never far away from those whispers
they are eternal and etched in my soul
and now we shall always be together
My Belief

I wake up in the morning

from a restless night
OCD demons tearing at my soul
creating doubt and fright

I linger through the day

in faith of God above
OCD screams its obscenities
but God fills me with love

I face nightfall again

with hope of relief
OCD rages on into slumber
but it can’t shake my belief
God’s Love

Your unshakable love

rejuvenates the soul
you give all of yourself
believers want to give you more

Your never-ending kingdom

stirs hope within
you built it for believers
in your city there is no sin

Your sinless Godly Son

died so we could live
his outstretched wounded hands
was all that’s needed to give

Your never-ending grace

pardons the ungrateful
demonstration of your cross
provides meaning to the faithful
Gruesome Images of Suicide

Gruesome images of suicide

racing through my mind
like whirlwinds of evil

Morbid desires of death

torture my inner being
like suffocating in hell

Wait, there is a light

out in the distance
like divine golden glowing

The horror of suicide

is fading from my being
like lifting thick fog

Gruesome images of suicide

are now replaced with peace
by God’s cross sacrifice
There Once Was a Girl

There once was a girl

lost in her world
creating her reality
through others

Every night she prayed

out of despair
a symphony of pleas
to God

Each day she lived

in constant fear
her mind locked
on obsessions

This same girl

fought her demons
with assigned angels
and won
Hope is in God

Bound and chained

living in fear
hope is in God
He is forever near

Broken and tattered

living in pain
hope is in God
His love will remain

Unbound and unchained

living in peace
hope is in God
He is my release

Freed and joyful

living in love
hope is in God
He came from above
Results of OCD

A pulsating ache
coursing through my veins
saline eyes
burning down my cheeks

A flaming gut sensation

tugging at my soul
anxiety within
scorching my inner being

A terrorizing image
tantalizing my mind
frustrating thoughts
thrashing at my existence

A horrific compulsion
grasping for reason
panic stricken
vicious circle begins again
Of Suicide

Spiraling down
into a sea of darkness
looking up for light
but blinded by images
of excruciating pain
of suicide

Fighting demons
of appalling obsessions
looking for God
somewhere in my mind
to free me from thoughts
of suicide

Loving Angels
surrounding my soul
providing comfort
from the OCD demons
and their lies
of suicide

Sinking fast
into the pit of hell
but Jesus takes my hand
and pulls me out
His angels rejoice
victory again over suicide
They Come On Strong

Running, running,
no place to hide
they come on strong
it’s a very long ride

panting, panting,
can’t get my breath
if they don’t stop
it’s certain death

gasping, gasping
how much longer
they grip my soul
and just get stronger

whispering, whispering,
slowing down now
exhaustion takes over
I’ll recover somehow
Your Love for Me

Searching in the sea of serenity

etching peace on my heart
Is your love for me

Lifting my eyes to the heavens

comforting every struggling breath
Is your love for me

Soothing my aching soul

gathering all my assigned angels
Is your love for me

Guiding every weakened step

strengthening all my inner being
Is your love for me

Searching in the sea of serenity

I find you God
and that is your love for me
Gut Feeling

A deep tempestuous ache

raging in my soul
searching for annihilation
of every breath of life

A continuous blustering fear

overwhelming every thought
searching for succor
of every suicidal image

An engulfing frightening urge

to snuff out my existence
searching for lucidity
of every horrific whim

All a deep violent storm

seething to quench my life
searching for alliance
of a forgiving God
Risen Seed

There is a place I can go

where the healing waters flow
from the sea of tranquillity
full of peace God has for me

A place where time stands still

eternity of love is God’s will
as far as East is from the West
full of serenity and rest

There is a place I can go

within myself is God I know
he fills my every aching need
full of joy from the risen seed
Lately

Lately I’ve been in solitude

away from pain of the world
I cry out for Jesus
He answers

Lately I’ve been alone

within a crazy mind
I cry out for peace
He answers

Lately I’ve come undone

from a poisoned spirit
I cry out for cleansing
He answers

Lately I’ve reached healing

from all suffering
I cry out for strength
He answers

Lately I’ve sang for joy

for all the blessings
I cry out for more
He answers
In You

I hear the calmness of your voice

your presence within me soothes my soul
God you are my creator and salvation
in you I find comfort and restoration

I hear the rustling wind in my mind

you blow through me like a gentle breeze
God you are my relief from pain
in you I find peace again

I hear your angels wrestling above me

their presence keeps me safe from harm
God you provide these messengers of hope
in you through all I can cope

I hear the joyfulness of your spirit

your presence dwells ever so deep
God you fill my cup with praise
in you I will sing and hands will raise
A Walk in the Garden

A walk in the garden

opens my mind
with the smell of fresh flowers

In the distance
is a light
seeping in like a gray fog

As I draw closer
I realize
it's an angelic being

I float towards
the illuminate light
and touch the edge

Now I have become

one with the light
as it fills my body

In peaceful bliss
I finish my walk
through the heavenly garden

To find myself
passed on from the world
and in paradise with God
Another Day

I awake in the morning

from a restless night of slumber
to find your breath still fills the air

your angels watch over me

with fluttering of their wings
and strength in their love

my mind meets the new day

with raging and racing thoughts
as your hope reaches down from heaven

you comfort me as I begin

my new day in your name
as I endeavor in yet another

you guide me every step

I take in faith in you
and you give me new joy

my mind slows down

to worship my living God
and thank you for giving me another day
Somewhere

I sit here alone

knowing you are out there
somewhere
waiting for me too

I cry each night

longing for your love
somewhere
you cry out for me too

I wake in the mornings

wishing for your gentle kiss
somewhere
you are wishing for me too

I fumble through the day

seeking your face among the crowds
somewhere
you are seeking for me too

I survive another day

hoping tomorrow our paths will cross
somewhere
you are choosing that path

I live in faith and growing in love

knowing you are out there
somewhere
growing in love with me
Soon

Beneath this layer of skin

is a soul seeking passion
yearning for love
not yet
it is not time to blossom
for the heart still needs healing
and growth in its cocoon
not yet
for once there is wholeness
then is the time to love
and the time to be loved
not yet
for there is a season
of spring and summer
acquiring flowering love
not yet
for to bloom too soon
might bring a winter chill
on an unprepared soul
not yet
but soon shall love prosper
within this aching heart
of apples of gold
not yet
but soon this soul
will meets its mate
and they shall join as one
not yet
but soon
Sweet Guardian Angel

Sweet guardian angel

whisper sweetly in my ear
tell me secrets of heavenly realms
I know you watch over me day and night
you fight off the devil on the prey
thank you sweet guardian angel
for your never-ending care
you endure the evil schemes
and conquer evil’s desires for me
your beauty surpasses any human desire
for your outstretched wings are
as golden as your hair
you light up the heavens with your love
sweet guardian angel
I know the depths of you
you were assigned to me from my birth
thank you for all your guidance
and for your passionate love
you bless me with your glorious presence
may I trust in the protection of your wings
always and forever
sweet guardian angel
April’s Fool

My love for you has sustained me in hard times

at night I whimper your name in my slumber
you have forsaken our love and gone with another
I am April’s fool

Yearning for you has flourished throughout the years

tears well up within my soul seeing your face in my dreams
I awake to start a new day without your gentle touch
I am April’s fool

Here is another spring locked in remembrance of you

my days have shortened to a mere breeze without you
ruminating over thoughts you would return to our love
I am April’s fool
Turning Back

Our love was ravaged

by the test of time
you were hers
and he was mine

we tested the waters

of sinful lust
we both burned
and broke trust

we tried to end it
but it failed
in each others arms
as our love sailed

then they heard

the horrific news
of our forbidden love
through careless clues

now we are through

with our searing love
by turning back
to God above
The Storm

The raging storm

my feeble mind
send your angels
before I go blind

tossing to and fro

I feel so ill
help me God
before taking this pill

blustering waves
I can’t hang on
send your strength
before next dawn

the raging storm

is calming now
my cries to you
were heard some how
A Little Girl

A little girl so young and sweet

into herself she would retreat
afraid of others and missing trust
all she wanted was love a must

A little girl so frail and scared

kept deep dark secrets not shared
yearned for attention still
nights she cried with broken will

A little girl all grown up

all she had was half a cup
optimism was not her thing
nothing but negativity was to bring

A little girl one day met

a man she knew would love her yet
she knew He was different by far
He was as bright as a morning star

A little girl had placed her trust

into a man who was God robust
she was filled with joy so sweet
her life had changed and was complete

A little girl now tells her story

how God came down from glory
cast all those secrets into the sea
made her peaceful and totally free
World of OCD

Isolation full of dread

daily anxieties deep within
total abandonment of soul
searing with agony
trying to connect
mind, body, soul
no where to go
except into fear
I want this no more
my mind has endured
extreme obsessive
compulsive torture
screaming in pain
turning to God
only his love can
extinguish this fire
of mind games
and pure poison
release me God
from this grimness
connect my soul
to my contemptuous mind
and free it from
its gripping obsessive
and compulsive world
Realities of Our Worlds

Your touch makes me tremble

my heart soars out of control
your gentle kiss awakes my soul
thank you for taking me away
from my lonely life of gloom
my lover in whom I delight
kiss me and let’s ride away
on our horses of white beauty
into the vast earth sunset
in each others arms until
the day comes we are found
may we be lovers until then
as we meet our eternity
saying goodbye to our past
meeting destiny in-love
clinging to each other
until we are forced apart
by the realities of our worlds
I Need You

Lord, I need to know

that you love me so
thoughts overwhelm my soul
please don’t let me go

Lord, I need to see

what good life has for me
my mind is like a vice
quenches my soul like ice

Lord, I need your love

to guide me from above
I cry in agony
may your spirit set me free

Lord, I need your light

as a lighthouse in my sight
so I can see my way
into your kingdom someday
Another Victory

Breathing into the night

it’s a spiritual fight
angels fighting demons
whirlwind without reasons

voices from beyond

calling me I don’t respond
lying in total stillness
demons shake my illness

racing heartbeats flutter

words to God I utter
angels gaining ground
demons can’t make a sound

awakening to the sight

of God’s angels in the light
demons no longer screaming
God’s love warms me beaming
Summer Love

orange juice
palm trees
summer time

pulp running
down my
face

kisses softly
wash the
stickiness

our lips
swell up in
anxious passion

warm breeze
tosses hair
your hands caress

hearts soar
temperatures rise
love is born
The Last Dance

I am devastated for your love

how long will you have me wait
for your gentle touch
as I dance among the lilies
my spirit yearns for your love
I roam free among the dandelions
breathing sighs of missing you
as I dance my spirit soars
my body moans in love with you
I pray for my lover
as I dance in the meadows
awaiting the entrance of my partner
the one in whom I adore
where are you my knight
I hear your horse in the distance
how long will you have me wait
I thrive to blush in your existence
come dance with me my beau
In each others trembling arms
our desirous lips will ignite
the dance that shall be our last
Your Journey

Your journey to the cross

was my salvation from death
each step you took
was in love for me
each breath you gasped
was in my sake

Your journey to the cross

was your way of saying
I love you this much that
you stretched out your arms
and each nail hammered
pierced my heart

Your journey to the cross

was the most eminent sacrifice
each drop of sweat
was cast in my name
each pool of blood
was shed in adoration of me

Your Journey to the cross

ended in your resurrection
now I too shall live
and all who believe
that your journey to the cross
was not in vain
As Depression Lifts

My tea is overflowing
birds are singing
flowers touch the
beauty of my day

my dog snuggles
to my longing breast
unconditionally set
for a lifetime

my angels sing softly

lifting my spirit
comforting anxieties
as darkness allays

my hunger is quelled
melancholy has rescinded
God answered prayer
peace is engulfing
Time

Guided by a mystical presence

endearing erotic words of love
time has erased all pressures
of daily struggles

Singing with duets of passion

in a loving state of pleasure
time has searched our hearts
for unleashed sensuality

Flowing streams of affection

drowning in a sea of devotion
time has proven our will
for never-ending waves

Searing emotions yearning

reaching heights of intense flames
time has failed to quench
our blazing desire
There is a Mighty God

There is a mighty God

Who heals my wounded soul
He touches me with His love
And has made me whole

There is a mighty God

With graceful healing hands
He is the master of Heaven
Next to Him Jesus stands

There is a mighty God

Who sent his son to pay
A final sacrifice
To pardon us today

There is a mighty God

Who answers every prayer
Building our mansions in Heaven
And by his grace I’m going there.
Full Moon

Full moon in the evening sky

The face of God I see
A look of peace and worship
The place for us to be

His glory shining all around

Strength flowing through ocean waves
He lights his darkness with beauty
As brilliant as his days

Stars twinkle with adoration

Suspended by God’s great hand
To give us just a glimpse
Of his glorious promised land

Full moon in the evening sky

One day you’ll be no more
His cosmic creations will pass
Though in Heaven we’ll be with the Lord
A Pure White Dove

A pure white dove

Oh Holy Spirit divine
A symbol of love
Make my soul thine

A pure white dove

A symbol of grace
Descended on our savior
To save us from disgrace

A pure white dove

A symbol of freedom
Came God’s spirit from above
To save those who need Him

A pure white dove

A symbol that’s simple and true
God sent his love
To save me and you
A Spiritual Fight

I hate this fear

I hate the night
they come after me
it’s a spiritual fight

I never hear silence

things always seem loud
sometimes my head
is in a cloud

The struggle is exhausting

it gets real old
even though there’s many
the loneliness gets cold

I’m scared of the sound

of the rushing wind
I can’t tell if it’s angels
or demons coming in

I close my eyes tight

and pray to the Lord
the only way to win
is by his two-edged sword
The First Day of the Week

She gathered her spices

and was on her way
in search of her Lord
on resurrection day

She ran to the tomb

the stone rolled away
her Lord was gone
oh what would they say?

She stood there weeping

and as she glanced up
two angels appeared
“oh do not give up”

She turned back around

and was asked who she sought
“where have they laid him?
for how much was he bought?”

The man said her name

Mary called him “Rabboni”
he said “tell the others
I’m not dead here am I”

As fast as she could

she told the rest
their Lord had risen
mankind is blessed
Deep in the Night

Deep in the night

sleep won’t come
voices are screaming
where are they coming from?

lost in the pain

needing relief
God is my savior
that is my belief

gripped with fear

what lies ahead?
do I give up?
or grab God instead?

overwhelmed with frustration

when do I let go?
now or never
when will I know?

seeking the peace

of a quiet mind
a promise from God
in the Bible I find

finding the comfort

my soul searches for
in the words of the Lord
my heart He’ll restore
Healing

Tears fill up
tears flow down
emotions swirl all around
pain creeps out
soothing seeps in
God is healing from within

Prayers go up
mercy rains down
God’s love is all around
gray clouds lift
sun shines in
new life can now begin
A Gift from God

I saw a bird being lifted and sifted in the air by the hand of God turning the sifters handle. His
attitude seemed confident and sporty, as if saying “I can do this but you cannot." I hated him for
that. I wanted to be up there with him. I wanted to be part of his flowing and free-flying world. If
God gave me wings, I would have joined him and maybe even attempted to conflict with my
nature and offer him some competition. But I kept driving my car and just smiled as he sailed
past my windshield. I thought to myself, at least I am part of his universe. I breathe the same air
he soars freely and effortlessly in. To me, that alone is a gift from God.
Many Voices

Many voices in my mind

though God’s is the only one I desire
some are hopeful, destructive, yet kind
enough turmoil to feed the fire

My heart truly seeks him

my mind is scattered about
the Holy spirit stirring within
still the voices scream and shout

Agony of constant noise

dwelling deep within my mind
I struggle to keep my poise
wondering what next I’ll find

When the pain grows too intense

I cry out to my loving savior
He quiets my mind and restores my sense
always forgiving me of my behavior

The voices may continue for now

though deliverance is a God given hope
my faith grows stronger somehow
for without the Lord I couldn’t cope
Divine Inner Sight

The clouds overwhelm my existence

as I float through I see light
glorious beams of love beyond
fragments of my mind
it’s a divine inner sight

Pushing the clouds they brush my cheeks

I keep on towards the bright
as darkness lifts and at last I see
no fragments but all of me
God’s love has made me right

Clouds now replaced by an inner glow

I meet each part and hold me tight
darkness does no longer exist
healing and righteousness fills my cup
oh what a divine inner sight
Whole

To be whole
I must risk it all
to be loved
I must love me first

For being whole

is not like life
was before
it’s a new dimension

Becoming whole
means not
looking back
but to self and God

To be whole
means to accept
all aspects of self
taking on each venture

For being whole

is letting go
of life as it was
grasping onto new life

Because becoming whole

is mere love
and acceptance
of all God has given me
We

We are all one

yet separate too
without you all
wouldn’t know what to do

We all have a reason

to be part of me
dealing together
what ever they may be

We all hold the clues

to what life is about
I’ll listen one on one
so please don’t shout

We share the pain

and confusion too
but no more denial
we must work through

We all have God

he’s the light within
He will guide us
if we just listen to Him

We are all one

of this person me
there is no turning back
we’ll be set free
A Menagerie

Deep within my mind I see

Shadows of a menagerie
Confusion retains my soul within
Struggling to release my sin

Fighting for each solemn breath

With God I’ll fight to my very death
Racing to conquer this blustering fear
Oh Lord my God be forever near

Deep within my mind I see

A fading gray menagerie
The wild roar is ceasing still
Glorious healing meeting God’s will

Clouds of guilt seep with light

All of me is in God’s sight
No more bellowing menagerie
Infinite peace has set me free
Abby: Imaginary Friend

A friend in hard times

always there sharing
caring

a soul mate nurturing

sensitive parts of me
lovingly

an angel in darkness
guiding me to light
gently

a protector from evil

absorbing iniquity
loyally

a martyr forever
with sacrificial love
endlessly
A Desperate Mind

My mind aches
tired from endless obsessions
searching for relief
trying to grasp onto any thought
that is not warped
it is overwhelming to my soul
I wonder about my destiny
where will I end up
does God know my sickness?
can he see the disease of my mind
does he have compassion
for this malfunctioned state?
I cry out to him
He hears my whimpers
thank you God for understanding
and loving me despite
the horrific thoughts
that invade my mind
You are my salvation
I remember now
through all this pain
and agony of obsessions
you are there for me
Our Season

Seasons come
seasons go
my love for you
will never slow

times change
time heals
I love you more
than time can seal

people change
people grow
our love together
is all I know

our season is now

our time is here
come with me
our passion will sear
Cheating Love

Mosquitoes sting my ankles

grass is soaked wet
mud creeps between my toes
off to the tree
to steal a kiss
we dance around
the trunk
of our favorite tree
you carve our names
and we giggle
then passion takes us
by utter surprise
when our luscious kiss
turns into heated passion
our tree tangos in the breeze
as it calms our desire
again cheating love
Souls Intertwine

Your arousing smile singes

my heart
and lights the
inner flame
of passion

your infectious laugh pierces

darkness in
spirit and
lights up
my being

your loving look reaches

into my inner
crevices
massaging and
caressing my soul

your gentle touch soothes

my anxieties
reaching into
the deep
internal abyss

your fortifying love traps me

in another
place and time
as our souls
intertwine
My Greatest Love

Blonde hair
big brown eyes
love that
ignites my heart

ears that
hear all
never judging
my actions

playfulness
tickling my
soul
with joy

best of all
your canine
traits
you don’t snore
Sensual Love

Your eyes twinkle

like the midnight sky
as we breathe in unison
with a passion so sweet
it’s like cutting open
navel oranges
on a warm spring evening
your lips pursed with
tantalizing savoriness
kissing every inch
of my seasoned body
igniting our flame
of sensual love
I Don’t Even Know Your Name

I don’t even know your name

but your soul is etched into my being
somewhere you are thinking of me too
realizing that our worlds will someday collide
my spirit yearns for your intimate love
nourishing each moment away from you
knowing this is our preparation time
for when our lives cross paths
when we will flow like the falls of Niagara
our love will surge like the raging river
forever we will be together
so time now is fluent and free
discovering our destiny in search of
each other’s genuine love
but for now, I don’t even know your name
Taste of Infinity

Relaxing
falling off into slumber
separation from the now
on the edge of eternity
cloudy vision
out of the fog
comes brilliant light
warming my soul
familiar silhouettes
time standing still
fields of flowers
waterfalls
a lion and lamb
river of life
all pulling away
light is dimming
silhouettes fading
fog growing gray
returning
from a taste
of infinity
Rhythm of the Night

Frogs croaking in the distance

dew settling on blades of grass
feet smothered in mire
he takes my hand
my heart jumps for joy
strolling among the palm trees
the man in the moon smiling
he leans over to steal a kiss
my body shudders with delight
melting into his body
uniting as one
caressing my shoulders
as we dance slowly
to the rhythm of the night
Guardian Angel Where Are You?

Guardian angel where are you?

lunacy has parched mind
my soul is whimpering
my spirit is sequestered
the Lord said
you will keep my feet
from striking the stone
guardian angel where are you?
as I close my eyes
the stone reaches closer
it’s like it has arms
lurching towards me
drawing me in
for the final blow
guardian angel where are you?
my cries are weary
my mind is tortured
by what may lie
under the stone
it screams out my name
in demonic reason
guardian angel where are you?
fear has born into rage
losing all control of
emotions and actions
I desperately lunge in terror
hoping you are there
to catch me when I fall
Another Time and Place

The water cleanses my body

but your blood cleanses my soul
your love withstands the fire
and by your grace I am made whole

your passion soothes my yearning

your loyalty proves to me
that your holiness is shared
with those you have set free

the temptations make me insane

but your strength fills my cup
oh how wonderfully it runs over
and teaches me to never give up

I am looking forward to eternity

and the day I see your face
your glory shining all around
in another time and place
Sensual Oblivion

It is dark outside
time for a lovers waltz
come to me my
endearing one
open your heart
let me into
your exquisite soul
let us dance to
the night crawlers
sounds of
intimate affection
fleeing from the
world of stinginess
letting go of
excess weight
that permeates
our anchored spirits
on to our reality
of lovers seduction
following our passion
into a state
of sensual oblivion
Fall

I smell dew in the air

and overflowing humidity
parching our lips
with exotic excitement
breathing heavily
into each other’s arms
we fall deeply in-love
do not look back
cling to the sacred ground
where we first met
in the heat of summer
of excruciating thirst
drink from my cup
filled with love juices
as it overflows
with passionate love
follow me now
to our haven
where we can cool
our blazing affections
and hurl our spirits
into fall
Erotic Desire

Sugar coated strawberries

choice wine
gentle breeze
seeping through the window
satin sheets
with delicate lace
massaging our skin
as we delight
each other's desires
time stands still
music thrills
every moment
that is captured
by our sensual love
as the strawberries
become sweeter
and the wine
speaks to our souls
we divulge our passion
and soar into
this night of
erotic desire
Falling Deep

Falling deep into excessive thoughts

fighting the demons of violence
my brain sears on in obsessional oblivion
my heart aches from the fight
I cry out in fear that some day
I may act out these intrusive ruminations
I keep slipping as a slave to their existence

falling deep into excessive thoughts

I cry out to my Lord
his angels circle all around
as my mind is fiercely invaded
screaming for help from inside this hell
my angels draw their swords
and fight off the lurking demons

falling deep into excessive thoughts

I search for hope among the smoke
the demons once again conquered
my mind smolders with obsessions
that once were horrifying for me
now are mere images
in a mind exhausted but saved
Unison

A fuzzy tickling flutter

awakens my spirit
to find my soul
attached to you
falling deeper in-love
with your teasing ways
your precious smile
enlightens my path
to where we become one
again in unison passion
Canine Bliss

Scratching behind your ears

is such a treat for you
fur so soft and warm
paws so petite
chewing tenderly on my fingers
we play cheerfully
running wild in circles
stopping to take another nibble
the game continues on
as we bond in adoration
finally you tire
flopping onto your back
I rub your tummy
you sneak off into canine bliss
Panic

Nail biting anxiety

heart racing
cold sweats
here it comes
again
thoughts overwhelm
agitation succeeds
the moment
closer to
the cashier
mind is crashing
heart is crushing
fear rules
people getting closer
more anxiety
moving in
for the kill
pay cashier
run out
once again
panic confiscates
sanity
Misty Eyes

Misty eyes
emotions running wild
our love has captivated
our souls
no longer in search
of destined fate
we were made
for each other
created halves
to become one
in spirit and in love
my saline eyes
cry in joy
of finding you
gaze into the
mirrors of my soul
among the mist is
our glorious eternity
Gentle Kiss

Your gentle kiss awakes me in the morning

my spirit stretches and sings for joy
your angelic presence fills my cup
for without you I am nothing
but merely existing
you fill my air with love
you make each minute special
delighting in each other
your gentle kiss not only awakens me
but gives me hope
reviving my soul
assuring me that God
and all his angels
are watching over us
making our lives complete
I anxiously await
your gentle kiss each morning
for it is the beginning
of a beautifully orchestrated day
Rose Petals

Rose petals graze my skin

their fragrance entices my mood
for falling in love
did not come by chance
it was our destiny

rose petals mingle with my hair

as we passionately kiss
love like this
is hard to find
our souls met their fate

rose petals float to the ground

one by one claiming
the love we have discovered
their velvety texture
inspires our love juices

rose petals gently blown away

by a warm summer breeze
as we lunge into
our flame of desire
uniting our hearts
Out of the Fire

Your love brings me

abundance of joy
even when I enter
the gates of my
living hell
your love soothes
my soul
and quenches the fire
as I cry out
your love saves me
from the flames
that torment my spirit
your love saves me
one day I will
walk into eternity
there your love
will be waiting
with open arms
the arms that pulled me
out of the fire
from my living hell
If only I Could Touch His Garment

“If I could only touch His garment

I will be healed
"oh please come to our town
oh divine one” she prayed
bleeding and tortured she
continued to believe
one day she will suffer
no more for her sins
then came the day
where the dust followed him
into her town
she ran as fast as she could
among the multitude of people
she pushed through the crowd
“if only I could touch his garment”
she got closer and closer
she could hear his pious words
she reached out further than
she had ever stretched before
finally touching His hem
she fell to the ground in devotion
the bleeding and the pain
immediately stopped
He turned around in response
“who touched my garment”
as she bowed her head
He redeemed her
“go in peace
your faith has made you well”
she got up and ran
as fast as she could
proclaiming healing
and the wonderful glory
of our living God
United As One

A beautifully chiseled body

proportioned for my pleasure
hands so strong
gently caressing my shoulders
formed pectoris muscles
a place to lay my head
long sensual legs
wrapped around my body
a time of wondrous beauty
totally seducing each other’s needs
when it’s all over
looking up into his face
his smile of endless love
anchors my soul
knowing that we have just
united as one
Not My Time

Falling off slowly

into slumber
angels whisper
wings flutter
protection against
evil

dreaming peacefully
as the soul
wanders
beyond all
imagination
seeking companionship

finding Jesus
at the river
across the bank
waving
for me to
go back

reaching out
to his
splendid
nail scarred hands
he signs for me
to let go

looking down
into the river
I see our
reflections to
only look up
and he is gone

dreaming on
in silent peace
I cling to
His love
knowing
it was not my time
A Sleepless Night

Tortured by nightmares
wrestling with evil
sleep is not found
demons tripping up
my assigned angels
the fight continues
waking drenched
in sticky sweat
the fight lingers
on into the night
voices screaming
lurching out
attempting to
make sense
of my reality
clinging to wings
of my angels
fluttering over me
guarding my existence
taking on each
demon lashing
fire and brimstone
night finally comes
to a victorious end
my angels won again
Eternity Has Come

White fluffy clouds billowing over my head

some bring light and some bring dead
illuminations of my life
sometimes I am just engulfed in the clouds
my head spinning out of control
searching for sanity I cry
as the clouds turn into brewing storms
lightening and hail
rumbling thunder
soon it will be over
yet I struggle with trying to
make something of my life
then I realize it is Jesus
riding in on his brilliant white horse
coming to save me from this living hell
to save the world from Satan’s tricks
it is an apocalyptic transformation
evil is defeated
no more earth as it once was
no more suffering, my oppression
has been defeated
I am free from this affliction
free to love and be loved
eternity has come
Forsaken

Feels like you have forsaken me Lord

Unthinkable thoughts that flood my mind
Oh the Good Book says you are so kind
And believers have been restored

Feels like you have forsaken me Lord

I know you felt the same on the cross
Even for just a moment you felt the loss
So I know I'm not being intentionally ignored

Feels like you have forsaken me Lord

I cry out and you seem to hear
But sometimes I don't feel you near
My agony thrushes like being gored

Feels like you have forsaken me Lord

My angels have fluttered away
I really don't know if I can stay
And rely on your double-edged sword

Feels like you have forsaken me Lord

My illness seems to have taken the best
Or is this just the ultimate test
And my mind will regain where angels once soared?