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42 Peer Relationships

Factor VI: Personal and Interpersonal Skills

Cluster P: Managing Diverse Relationships

VI P
The path to greatness is along with others.

Baltasar Gracian Spanish priest


Unskilled
Not good at lateral cross-boundary relations
Doesnt strike fair bargains or understand what peers expect or need
Not open to negotiation
A loner, not seen as a team player, doesnt have the greater good in mind
May withhold resources from the other team members
May not respect their functions or disciplines and somehow communicates that
May be very competitive, play and maneuver for advantage and withhold information
May have a chilling effect on the entire unit because he/she wont play
May deal with lateral conflict noisily or uncooperatively
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to use as a substitute for this competency if you decide not to
work on it directly.
SUBSTITUTES: 3,9,12,21,23,27,33,36,37,39,52,60,64
Skilled
Can quickly find common ground and solve problems for the good of all
Can represent his/her own interests and yet be fair to other groups
Can solve problems with peers with a minimum of noise
Is seen as a team player and is cooperative
Easily gains trust and support of peers
Encourages collaboration
Can be candid with peers
Overused Skill
May touch base with too many peers and be overly concerned with making everyone happy
May be too accommodating
May invest too much in peer relationships at the expense of others
May be uncomfortable with relationships where everyones not equal
May share sensitive information inappropriately just to solidify a relationship
May get in trouble by being too candid with peers
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to work on to compensate for an overuse of this skill.
COMPENSATORS: 4,8,9,12,16,23,29,34,37,43,50,53,57
Some Causes
Bad experiences with peers in the past
Competitive with peers
Dont respect other groups
Impersonal style
Not a team player
Not forthcoming with information
Poor collegial skills
Poor communication skills
Poor time management
Possessive
Leadership Architect Factors and Clusters
This competency is in the Personal and Interpersonal Skills Factor (VI). This competency is in the Managing Diverse
Relationships Cluster (P) with: 4, 15, 21, 23, 64. You may want to check other competencies in the same
Factor/Cluster for related tips.
The Map
Copyright 1996-2009 Lominger International: A Korn/Ferry Company. All Rights Reserved. www.lominger.com

Effective lateral or cross-boundary (peer) relationships are among the toughest to build in organizations. There is a
strong not-invented-here mentality at work between units, businesses, functions, and geographies. There is natural
competition between groups. Pay and reward systems many times pit one group against the other. If one group gets
more, the other has to get less. One team likes to beat the other. Lots of messy political problems originate as turf
disputes. Many people get their lowest scores on 360 feedback from peers because they are uncooperative. Quite
often these problems are a result of not finding common ground with peers, failure to understand what they want and
need, and failure to understand the nature of the relationship. There is high return on investment for the organization
if lateral relationships are working. It leads to more efficient use of time and resources and the easy exchange of
ideas and talent. There are wasted resources and suboptimization when they are not.
Some Remedies
1. Lack position power? Be an influencer. Peers generally do not have power over each other. That means
that influence skills, understanding, and trading are the currencies to use. Dont just ask for things; find some
common ground where you can provide help. What do the peers youre contacting need? Do you really know how
they see the issue? Is it even important to them? How does what youre working on affect them? If it affects them
negatively, can you trade something, appeal to the common good, figure out some way to minimize the work
(volunteering staff help, for example)? Go into peer relationships with a trading mentality.
2. Making the wrong impression? Pay attention to how your personal style is perceived. Many times,
negative personal styles get in the way of effective peer relationships. People differ in the impression they leave.
Those who leave positive impressions get more things done with peers than those who leave cold, insensitive or
impersonal negative impressions. More help? See #3 Approachability, #31 Interpersonal Savvy, and #33
Listening.
3. Confused by behavior of peers? Assess your peers. Do you really understand the peers you need to deal
with? Which ones really want to help? Who is going to get in the way? What did they really want? What price will
they ask for helping? More help? See #56 Sizing Up People and #64 Understanding Others.

4. Overwhelmed by the complexity of the organization? Learn to maneuver through the organizational
maze. How do you get things done sideways? Who are the movers and shakers in the organization? How do they
get things done? Who do they rely on for expediting things through the maze? Who are the major gatekeepers
who control the flow of resources, information and decisions? Who are the guides and the helpers? Get to know
them better. Who are the major resisters and stoppers? Try to avoid or go around them. More help? See #38
Organizational Agility and #39 Organizing.
5. One-sided in your peer interactions? Be more cooperative. If peers see you as excessively competitive,
they will cut you out of the loop and may sabotage your cross-border attempts. To be seen as more cooperative,
always explain your thinking and invite them to explain theirs. Generate a variety of possibilities first rather than
stake out positions. Be tentative, allowing them room to customize the situation. Focus on common goals,
priorities and problems. Invite criticism of your ideas.
6. Is your agenda getting in the way? Keep conflicts as small and concrete as possible. Separate the
people from the problem. Dont get personal. Dont give peers the impression youre trying to dominate or push
something on them. Without agreeing or disagreeing, try on their views for size. Can you understand their
viewpoint? When peers blow off steam, dont react; return to facts and the problem, staying away from personal
clashes. Allow others to save face; concede small points; dont try to hit a home run every time. When a peer
takes a rigid position, dont reject it. Ask whywhat are the principles behind the position, how do we know its
fair, whats the theory of the case, play out what would happen if his/her position was accepted.
7. Getting competitive? Know the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition. Separate working
smoothly with peers from personal relationships, contests, competing for incentives, one-upsmanship, notinvented-here, pride and ego. Working well with peers over the long term helps everyone, makes sense for the
organization and builds a capacity for the organization to do greater things. Usually the least-used resource in an
organization is lateral exchanges of information and resources.
8. Is a peer out of line? Avoid telling others all about it if a peer doesnt play fair. This often boomerangs.
What goes around comes around. Confront the peer directly, politely and privately. Describe the unfair situation;
explain the impact on you. Dont blame. Give the peer the chance to explain, ask questions, let him/her save
some face and see if you can resolve the matter. Even if you dont totally accept what is said, its better to solve
the problem than win the argument.
9. Lacking self-awareness in peer conflicts? Monitor yourself in tough situations with peers. Whats the
first thing you attend to? How often do you take a stand vs. make an accommodating gesture? What proportion of
your comments deals with relationships vs. the issue to be addressed? Mentally rehearse for worst-case
Copyright 1996-2009 Lominger International: A Korn/Ferry Company. All Rights Reserved. www.lominger.com

scenarios/hard-to-deal-with people. Anticipate what the person might say and have responses prepared so as not
to be caught off guard. More help? See #12 Conflict Management.
10. Too intent on winning? Make sure the winning and losing is balanced. Watch out for winning
concessions too often. If you win too much, how do the losers fare? Do you want them diminished or would you
like them to work willingly with you again? The best tack is to balance the wins and losses. Make sure you are
known in the organization as someone who is always ready to help and cooperate, and the favor will be returned.
Some Develop-in-Place Assignments
Manage a cost-cutting project.
Manage the assigning/allocating of office space in a contested situation.
Resolve an issue in conflict between two people, units, geographies, functions, etc.
Join a community board.
Join a self-help or support group.
Im not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.

Franklin D. Roosevelt 32nd President of the United States


Suggested Readings
Baker, W. E. (2000). Networking smart. New York: Backinprint.com.
Cartwright, T. (2003). Managing conflict with peers. Greensboro, NC: Center for Creative Leadership.
Cava, R. (2004). Dealing with difficult people: How to deal with nasty customers, demanding bosses and annoying coworkers. Toronto, ON: Firefly Books.
Chapman, E. N., & Wingfield, B. (2003). Winning at human relations: How to keep from sabotaging yourself.
Mississauga, ON: Crisp Publications, Inc.
Crowley, K., & Elster, K. (2006). Working with you is killing me: Freeing yourself from emotional traps at work. New
York: Warner Business Books.
Ferrazzi, K., & Raz, T. (2005). Never eat alone: And other secrets to success, one relationship at a time. New York:
Doubleday.
Fritz, J. M. H., & Omdahl, B. L. (2006). Problematic relationships in the workplace. New York: Peter Lang Publishing,
Inc.
Giovagnoli, M., & Carter-Miller, J. (2000). Networlding: Building relationships and opportunities for success. San
Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Juchnowski, J. A. (2004). Know yourself, co-workers and your organization: Get focused on: Personality, careers and
managing people. Lincoln, NE: iUniverse Star.
Kottler, J. (2003). Beyond blame: How to resolve conflicts with friends, lovers, and co-workers. New York: MJF Books.
McKenna, P. J., & Maister, D. H. (2002). First among equals: How to manage a group of professionals. New York:
Free Press.
Pascarella, P., & Frohman, M. (2000). The collaborative leader: Mastering priorities. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler
Publishers.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Covey, S. R. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking
when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Tamm, J. W., & Luyet, R. J. (2004). Radical collaboration: Five essential skills to overcome defensiveness and build
successful relationships. New York: HarperCollins.

Copyright 1996-2009 Lominger International: A Korn/Ferry Company. All Rights Reserved. www.lominger.com

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