The easiest way to get drained is to takeNarcissists inconsideration

personally, toget upset over what they must be thinking of you to treat you
the way they do.
The most important thing to remember is that Narcissistic vampires are not
thinking of you at all.
A particularly scary trait that Narcissistsshare with Antisocials is the ability to
feign empathy when they want something. Nar-cissists are the best flatterers
on the planet.They give great ego massages even as theyredraining people
dry.
Narcissistic vampires greatest fear is of be-ing ordinary. God forbid they
should dosomething as mundane as making a mistake.Even the smallest
criticisms feel like stakesthrough the heart. If you reprimand Narciss-istic
vampires, the least theyll do is explainin great detail why your opinion is
wrong. If youre right, the situation will be much worse. They will melt before
your eyes intopitiful, dependent infants who need enorm-ous amounts of
reassurance and praise justto draw their next breath. You cant win.Theres no
such thing as a Narcissistic vam-pire being objective about his or her faults.
Narcissistic vampires always know whatthey want from you. They wont be
the least bit reticent about asking for it or just takingit. To deal effectively
with these self-ab-sorbed children of the night, you must beequally certain
about what you want from them. Always drive a hard bargain, and always
make them pay before they get what they want from you. Remember this
rule,and theres not much else you need to know.
Like Antisocials, they can make the same mis-takes over and over and still
not learn fromthem. Narcissists can change their behavior when they find out
its preventing them from getting what they want.
The Narcissist expects other people to be so thrilled by even a little attention
that they will happily give anythingfor the pleasure of associating with such
asuperior person.
The only thing that reliably provides enough motivation for Narcissistic
vampires to change is the imminent loss of something they value.Narcissists
are insensitive, but theyre notstupid. They may fume and fuss, but they
dorespond to ultimatums. If you tell them toshape up or ship out, and they
believe youreserious, youll have their attention in a way that is impossible
to achieve by any othermeans. Obviously, they dont always shape up, but a
clear ultimatum, contingent upon very specific behaviors, is the best, and
only,chance youre going to get. Why bother? Wouldnt it be better to divorce or fire a Narcissist and get on with your life?

Your goal with Narcissistic Legends is, as with all vampires, to keep them from
drain-ing you. This is difficult, because they candrain you in so many different
ways. Legendscan dash your hopes or suck out every dropof support and
affection you have, and stillexpect more. They can whip you into a frothof
self-destructive outrage at their insensitiv-ity, or they can alienate you to the
point that you reject a really good idea just because it came from them.
Indealing with Narcissistic Legends, the hardpart is demanding what you want
from them clearly and up front.
Narcissists want you to think theyre special.
Be even more careful if you see someone who needs to be made an example
of becauseof his or her insensitivity. The example will be you. Narcissists have
the frightening capacity to turn into underdogs as soon as you attack them.
The reason Narcissistic Legends dont suc-ceed is that they cant make
themselves dothings they dont want to do.
Criticize the Behavior, Not the Person. If you begin any statement with the
words you are and the next word is not wonderful
, whatever you say will be perceived as a per-sonal attack, no matter what
you intend. Bemore effective by asking for what you wan or saying what you
feel.Instead of saying, You are insensitive, a better approach is to say,
When you nswered before I finished talking, I felt put own. Is that what you
intended?
Begin your criticism with I know youre busy or ome other statement that
implies the vam-pire was trying to do a good job.
Narcissists need tons of praise, and to get anywhere, youll have togive it.
Just make sure you give it for theright things. Catch them being good and
reward them.
Dont Be Spontaneous.
Criticism givenspontaneously is usually in the form of anemotional explosion
a way of expressinghurt or anger rather than a planned inter- vention.
Know Your Goal.
What do you want the vampire to do as a result of what you say?

You dont have to spell out what vampiresdid wrong to ask them to do it right

nexttime. Sometimes a simple request is the best criticism.

IGNORE TANTRUMS
Narcissistspractice tantrums as if they were a martial art. They hold black
belts in both the endlesslecture and the shoulder of ice. Despite theirobvious
skill, Narcissistic Legends throw tantrums that are relatively easy to tune out.
Anger is a form of theater, and Legends are terrible actors.
Narcissists require an enormous amount of praise, attention, and other
supplies. As with pigeons in the park, when you run out of popcorn, they fly
away. Sometimes its best to let them.
If the fact that they believe themselves to be the crown of creation offends
you and makes you want to point out to them thattheyre not so great as they
think they are,get away quickly.
Superstars love expensive toys. They have tohave the best, because it shows
that they
are the best. An unrelenting drive to achieve and acquire is the center of their
personality.There is no point in asking Narcissistic Superstars why they need
to have so much and do so much.
If! (and only) you want (cut want, put need) to maintain any sort of relationship with Narcissistic Superstars, you have toadmire them, their
achievements, and theirtoys incessantly. Typically, it wont takemuch effort
on your part to kiss up to Super-stars. Theyll be more than happy to come up
with reasons to congratulate themselves. All you have to do is listen and look
interested.
Its important to know what you want for yourself as clearly as Su-perstars
know what they want for them-selves. Superstars
always
know what they want, and theyre always trying to figure outhow to get it. If
your own needs are unclearto you, or you wait for these vampires to give you
what you deserve, youll never get anything.
In order for Narcissistic Super-stars to act like normal human beings, they
generally have to be manipulated into it.Manipulating Narcissistic Superstars
is agrowth industry. Retailers set lavish vampiretraps, where they sell
common items likefood, clothing, and automobiles for aboutfive times what
theyre worth.
The bottom line is this: With NarcissisticSuperstars everything is always a
transac-tion. If you want to get anything for yourself, you have to be as much

like one of thesestores as possible. Look good, suck up, andprice yourself way
above the market. Alwaysremember that the more something costs,the more
vampire Superstars will want it.
When Narcissists want something from people, they actually see them as
great and wonderful. Thats why their hypnosis is so ef-fective. Once
Superstars get what they want,their perceptions return to what, for them,
isnormalseeing ordinary people as inad-equate.
Being angry at everybody else tends to divert Superstars from their
disappointment in themselves.
Superstars will not give you anything because you deserve it. In their world
they are the only ones who deserveanything. They will, however, give a
greatdeal to get something they want.
It makes sense, then, to always know what they want and to make Superstars
pay for it by giving you what you want.I f you want Superstars attention,
youll have to sell yourself and your ideas. Whatever youre selling should be
presented in the same way as a Rolls Royceas a top-of-the-line item that
Narcissists
might
not beable to afford. They usually find a way to pay for high-status luxuries.
As long as youreone of those, youll do fine. With Superstars,theres no point
in being a bargain.
If they praise you,either theyre trying to sneak up on yourNarcissistic side or
theyre indicating that you are one of the little people who needs oc-casional
doses of praise to keep going, muchas a car has to be filled with gas.
Superstars
expect
loyalty, so theyre usu-ally not willing to pay much for it. They will,however,
spend quite a bit of money and ef-fort to get back at somebody they think
has betrayed them.
Superstars are even more sensitive to disap-proval than Legends.
Superstars regularly throw tantrums whenother people make life difficult for
them.
If theyre trying to manipulate you, stand up to them directly.
If you try to get back atthem in sneaky ways, youll be the one whogets hurt.