The Last Word

Issue #506

December 2016

Is TrumpAmerica feudalist?
Donald Trump and his violent cultists are not
merely fascist and elitist. They are feudalist. Break
down the election results on a map, and it becomes
clear.
Feudalismoften associated with Europe
but also found in other regionswas characterized
by its exploitative relationship between big
landowners and workers, and by social ranks
(usually inherited) that conferred special privileges.
What does this have to do with the new electoral
map? For starts, notice that in most urban areas, the
Donald performed worse than any Republican in a
half-century. But you dont even want to look at the
rural map. Trust me on that.
Obviously, the election was riggedit
always isyet that couldnt possibly account for the
entire margin in rural areas. But come on! Rural
areas arent full of trillionaires!
How did this happen? My hometown had
under 5,000 people in the 1970s, but I dont
remember any alt-hate candidates winning back then.
(That took until the 1980s.) We like to think of
society as being more advanced than 40 years ago,
but I dont remember anyone as bigoted and unAmerican as Donald Trump looming over smalltown and rural America then. I have a hard time
seeing rural voters in the 1970s as champions of the
1%.
I know my hometown has grown, but most
of rural and small-town America is bleeding
population. When I was 22, I wanted to move to a
more rural areaor at least a place that was part of a smaller metropolitan area. How many 22-year-olds in
todays America actually move to more rural areas? These days, if youre from a rural area and you go off to
college, you dont come home. And if you dont go to college, you leave anyway. How many voters do rural
counties have left?
The official exit poll shows Trump performed best among the rich, so its not clear how he did so well in
poor rural counties. It might appear at first glance that many who remain in rural Americabut not allare
gluttons for punishment. The cities are not as rigidly feudal, since they dont have as much land, but arable rural
areas are a feudalist model. Rural right-wingers must really love the elitist feudal system that has destroyed their
communities. Is it a masochistic fetish? Thats one of few explanations I can think of, since they couldnt possibly
all be rich. Not all rural residents have this interest, but it appears from the voting results that some must. I bet
these rural Republicans regularly fantasize about having a sex partner who wears a designer polo, laughs in their
face at their economic situation, slaps them, ties them to a chair, and leaves them tied up as they sit on the sofa,
toss bonbons into their mouth, and moan about how good they taste. At least suburban Republicans are rich
enough to be on the giving end of that fantasy, and dont have to dream.
An even more likely explanation is that rural Republicans listen to some right-wing preacher who
brainwashes them with hate speech about how the rich and the poor deserve their lot in life. If they believe that
hogwash, Im sorry, but I cant help them.
My above theories might not even be true. I repeat: The exit poll shows Trump did best among the rich.
The poor are not stupidwhether urban or ruraland its unfair to be condescending to someone just because of

their economic status. Gee, what a shock that the 99% wont vote for a buffoonish right-wing billionaire like
Donald Trump. But Trumps followers are feudalist nonetheless.
Public reaction to the election has been swift and severe. Protests have been launched in many
American cities, and some have drawn thousands. While Trumps nerdo-Nazis insult protesters physical
appearance, they also argue that past generations never would have protested the outcome of a major election. If
someone like the Donald had won, then yes, they would haveif you go back before perhaps 2000. I think of
myself as an economic populist first and foremostbecause I can usually disobey Allowed Clouds that define
social conservatismbut Trump is so extreme across the board that we have to challenge him on each limb of his
3-legged stool of extremism.
I act with convictionnot a desire for validation. This is true of most of us who protest Trump. Were not
like the right-wing medias concept of a social justice warrior that they casually defame. Progressivism for the
rich is not my bagand seems almost oxymoronic. The self-anointed Really Serious People care only for the
rich, so we must stand with the poor and working class. To hear The Media talk, youd think theres no such thing
as progressivism for the poorbut its been my lifeblood for decades. My own economic circumstances
thoroughly justify it.
Progressivism for the poor. The other progressivismand in a good way!

List of glasses Allowed Clouds

Everyone wants me to write about eyeglasses,
and Im a fun guy, so Im happy to oblige. I do take
requests, after all. And this has been yet another month
the latest of hundredsin which I refuse to get
glasses.
I dont need regular specs, so I think this
accessory should be reserved for those who can actually
be helped by them and will appreciate them. Vision in
my left eye isnt nearly what it once wasbecause of
being force-fed Cylertbut its more than good enough
for operating vehicles or anything else other than reading
tiny print or precision tasks like taking apart the little
brass calendar at the bank.
Ive chosen since I was 10 not to wear glasses. I went to the eye doctor back then, and he asked me if I
wanted to wear them. Either wear them or dont. The answer was a firm no. He said I had strabismus and
farsightedness, but perfect sight besides that. My mom was in the examining room, but it was my choice not to
wear glasses. Its called the mature minor doctrine. I was old enough to know Whats So Important About Glasses,
so it was my decision. Common law backs me up on this, on grounds of bodily integrity. According to Wikipedia,
The decades of accumulated evidence tended to demonstrate that children are capable of participating in medical
decision-making in a meaningful way.
It seems like my mom is still angry about this 33 years later. I dont know why. With the junk insurance
we had, glasses probably wouldve been covered only if I didnt need them. So if I needed them, I saved my ma
and pa hundreds of hard-earned dollars by not wearing them. Refusing eyewear probably covered the down
payment on their Plymouth Reliant right there.
I didnt want glasses bigly because they wouldnt have looked right. Trust me on that. Glasses look great
on some people, and actually improve their vision. Just because Im lucky enough to see without them doesnt
mean everyone else is. But I just dont have the right facial shape for them, and I have other unpolished features
that would make spectacles an even worse fit. Plus, I hate taking care of items like this that I dont need and
getting skeeped at for one wrong move. If Id been forced to wear them, Im quite certain I wouldve snapped
them right in two when I was 11. Im trying to pinpoint the exact date this impressive incident might have taken
place. I think September or October 1984 would be a good guess. School would have been a fine place to do this.
Im sure that if this had happened, my parents would be saying to this day, WE SPENT ALL THAT
MONEY ON YOU, AND YOU DONT APPRECIATE IT!!!!! Of course I wouldnt have appreciated it. I
appreciate that I was allowed to make my own choice on thisand the other times when I was permitted to make
my own decisions. Im more thankful for it than words can express, especially seeing how todays kids have their
medical autonomy disrespected so much. Even at 43, I dont regret these choices I made. Notice how every time I
was allowed to decide something major in my youth without being under duress, it always turned out to be the
right choicewithout exception.
I guess its possible strabismus caused me to walk into that signpost on Beekman Street on August 30,
2006, and induce a headache that lasted for weeks. I dont think glasses would have helped, and would have

gotten broken then anyway. Besides, this was probably a once-in-a-lifetime incident. Its just like how I wish I
was a faster reader, but Im not, and I wont be. I accept it.
If you need and want glasses, get them. Be my guest. But I need to warn you about the many Allowed
Clouds that are in store if you do. For this article, I interviewed famous glasses wearers Lisa Loeb and Drew
Carey. Just joking! I didnt really interview them. Instead I consulted the glasses website. Even the most kick-ass,
sexiest gafas will bring many Allowed Clouds, including these...
You will be legally required to wear your glasses 100% of the timearound the
clock.
Youll be legally forbidden from complaining about them, even if they hurt your
eyes, get jammed into your face if you get too close to a wall or door, or fail to improve
sight.
The punishment for complaining is that everybody around you will be legally
required to mock you every time the Rod Stewart song about how some guys do nothing
but complain comes on the radioeven if youve never complained about anything else
in your whole life.
Youll be legally forbidden from swimmingever. If you go to the beach with your
family, youll just have to lay there the whole timebecause youre not allowed to ever
take your glasses off, remember?
Youll be legally forbidden from enjoying a bouncy house.
Youll be legally forbidden from wearing sunglasses or goggles in situations where
safety demands it.
Youll be legally forbidden from wearing a Halloween or Occupy mask.
No playing sports, because youll be legally forbidden from wearing a hockey
mask or football helmet.
Youll be legally forbidden from other, uh, play.
Youll be legally forbidden from wearing 3-D glasses at the movies.
When someone else breaks your glasses, youll be legally required to pay for new
ones yourself.
Youll be legally required to buy a case for your glasses and carry it everywhere,
despite not being allowed to take them off ever.
Youll be legally required to laugh like a moron every time someone tells an
unfunny personal joke about your
glasseseven years after you
stop wearing them (if youre ever
allowed to).
You will not be allowed to
get a passport, because new rules
forbid you from wearing glasses in
your passport photo.

Last
and
least,
dont...blow...no...bubbles.
With
gum, that is.
Heed those warnings from all the
glasses wearers on the Internet. Why would
they exaggerate? Sure, some people like to
bend lifes rules a little. You may have
kicked a basketball once, or put two
different kinds of cheese on a cheeseburger.
You may have blown someone elses bubble despite the Bubble Yum instructions telling you to blow your own. I
myself devoured a Twix bar 3 days after getting a new filling. But beware, precious little snowflake: The world
will be out to get you if you get glasses. Life is gonna suck rocks because you wont be able to participate in
anything because of all those Allowed Clouds. You have my full permission to throw a king-sized fit over it.
But if your vision is only as bad as mine is, you can go without regular specs, and just rock it.
Think. Do. Be.

I keep mishandling my bipfocals

Since were near a big city, nobody around here actually voted for Donald Trump. Heroin dealers perhaps,
but thats about it. As I dissent from Trumps planter aristocracy, I came up with a keen idea: Buy some accessory

that appears to be very expensive but is widely debated whether its cosmetic or practical. Then make a public
show of how poor you are, even while wearing this item. Flaunt it in front of some Tea Party idiot you might
encounter during an everyday errand. Appear to mishandle the item and make it look like youre about to
carelessly break it.
It will really piss them off!
Theres nothing wrong with personal attraction or writing about it in a mature way. Right-wing politics
are not sexy to me. As an alt-left populist, its only natural that I find left-leaning politics to be attractive
especially the spirit of rebellion that goes with it. Like attracts like. Theres nothing evil about it. If I saw a woman
who needed very strong and expensive prescription glasses who kept mishandling them, Id find this mishandling
to be attractive. Thats because I know how much society hates it. The
other side goes low, our side goes rogue.
Society hates it so much that, after the Trump debacle, Ive begun
doing something like this with my bipfocalssunglasses that improve
vision. These are not regular glasses. I got sunglasses because I just
cannot stand the way regular glosses would look on me. They only cost
about $15, but if I keep them polished, they look costly. The thing about
this is that the alt-right will jump to the false conclusion that I abused
Medicaid to buy themand now Im ruining them by swinging them
around by the arms or wearing them so the lenses are perpendicular to my
eyes while the arms point in the air (as seen in the photo). Theyre gonna
get so mad! I dont have the nerve to blow a bubble with bubble gum and
let it burst on my bipfocals, but Im tempted to, because I know how mad
theyll get. As a bonus, it might also cause them to utter the words
bubble gum, inducing laughter far and wide.
In typical Allowed Cloud doublespeak, the Establishment wanted
me to get glasses for decadesso they have no business complaining if
they think I abused Medicaid to get them.
I can probably put on an Oscar (the Grouch) winning
performance. A friend is doing something like this, and she can do a better
job of it than anyone. When she spotted an apparent Trumper in a grocery
checkout lane, she downed a packet of caramel corn and boasted that it was pulling out a steel crown, and that
public insurance was on the hook to fix it. Actually, food doesnt ruin crownsand shed have to pay for it
herself if it did. She was just trolling some right-winger. Her public performance works because Americas
political map and economic characteristics are diff from what they were in my day. The nations most productive,
creative people are moving to the cities. Sure, the guidelines of the game are different from the days of old, but
that doesnt mean coolsters cant have a little fun with them. Best all, the crown didnt cost her a cent when she
got itand the irony is that its precisely because of the Evil Empires own fiscal mismanagement. Another irony
is that this mismanagement cost the Far Right in other ways toonot just financialand its benefited us for
years. Its cost them dearly in frustration, and has only brung us joy. My friend may be the first person in history
to go rogue on going rogue on going rogue on going rogue on going rogue.
In any event, we have a new catchphrase that accompanies these theatrics: Trumps not my President, so
Im allowed to do that. Betterif its in a county Trump lostwe say, Trump lost the county, so Im allowed to
do that.
The Trumpers seem to have a hard-on against Pepsi lately because a PepsiCo exec disagreed with them
about something. Thats unusual because Trump is supported primarily by Big Business. So an excellent troll
would be to guzzle a Peps in the checkout lane and gloat about how Medicaid will cover the fillings that will be
required. BUTT YOUR NOT ALOUD TO HAVE SODA LOLOLOLOL! Thats part of the fun! My current
dentist hasnt revoked my old dentists order that Im not allowed to drink soda, but needless to say, I went
rogue on that Allowed Cloud right from the giddy-up. Do you think I care whats allowed? Better yet, I want to
open the can with my teeth. That would be perfect! A Trumpist on Facebook threatened to hunt down and kill my
beaver teeth self, so you know it irritates the dickens out of them for anyone to have punk rocker teeth and to
use them for any practical task.
Like I said, what were doing is just an act. Medicaid is actually very frugal. Very frugal. That suits me
niftofuckinlutely, because you know how cheap I am (except when someone down on their luck pleads for help). I
get creeped out by ads for high-end cosmetic medical practices that have big-screen TVs and free coffee in the
waiting room. All my doctor has is a mysterious poster with photos of aging Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley
stars. The Trumpers are the ones who have an entitlement mentality. These whiny brats identify with the greedy,
racist billionaire enough to vote for him. Nobody ever set boundaries for them in their lives.
Plus, what does it say about the Donald Trump 1% that one of their main arguments against protesters is

their physical appearance? Not only did they diss my kick-ass pearly yellows, but they also decried protesters in
Lexington as overweight. Thats their campaign strategy? If George Washington hadnt run unopposed, would
his opponents have attacked him for his teeth? Did Eugene Debs knock William Taft for his somewhat wide
physique?
Im the real deal, and I dont have anything to be embarrassed about. Am I supposed to be phony?
In the meantime, were making a game out of trolling the kook-a-loon Right like this, and its based on
Dungeons & Dragons. We earn experience points, and this game starts us out as level 1 cool people.
Real economic populism (not Trumpism), strabismus, and punk rocker teeth. Thats how we coolsters
keep it real!

I drew an idiotic picture of a person bubbling

I have a funny story. Imagine that!
One day, back when I was about 9, I was listening to the radio alone in my bedroom that I shared with my
brother, when I opened the desk drawer and began pawing through it in search of some enlightening activities. I
stumbled upon the remnants of an old tablet of construction paper that belonged to my brother. The sheets of
paper were a veritable rainbow of hues. It was good paper. You can cut it, draw on it, and use it to make paper
flexagons that say You stink! when you open and close them.
I found that there was a little bit of pink paper remaining. So youll never guess what I did. You will
never, ever, ever guess. I stuck a perfectly good postage stamp on it, wrote a fake address on it, and fastened it to
the bedpost with Scotch tape. Just joking! Rather, I grabbed a pen and drew a profile of a persons head blowing a
bubble with bubble gum. Thats because the paper was pink, and beegee is usually pink. The drawing took up
maybe one-sixth of the sheet of letter-sized construction paper. Then I cut out the drawing, roughly along the edge
of the picture, but with a small buffer. It looked like so...

It looked ridiculous!
I have to admit I was laughing uncontrollably when I was recreating the drawing here. Its impossible not
to. What you see above is very true to the now-lost original: The guy has a head but no body. Even more
strikingly, it appears as if neither his lips nor any other part of his mouth are touching his gum. Its as if he simply
opens his mouth and his gum floats in front of his face and inflates into a bubble. He doesnt go through the ritual
of stretching out the gum on his tongue first like you always see people do.
What possessed me to draw something so uproarious? It was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing.
Later, the beegee busted. After I left this small drawing laying around, my brother found it. Whats
this?! he angrily asked me. He was mad because I wasted his prized construction paper on such a preposterous
drawing.
He forced me to sign a statement on the back of the drawing admitting what a troublemaker I was. He
wrote the statement, and I had to sign it. I drew this stupid drawing because I am a little brat. Actually, the
statement was a lot longer than that, but I know that approximate sentence was included somewhere.
Unfortunately, my beautiful drawing got ruined when my mom accidentally ran over it with the vacuum
cleaner. I dont know how that happened, because the carpet wasnt pink, so it couldnt have blended in. After this
occurred, the drawing was so crumpled that it wasnt worth saving. In a word, it was ru.
Heres an irony that just occurred to me: This zine mentions bubble gum more than perhaps any other,
even though Ive had TMJ disorder since middle schoolprobably from being hit in the head with an open hand
by Robert Martin during recess. But, despite a blizzard of websites predicting instant demise for any TMJer who
chomps beegee, apparently Im still allowed to chew gum, since my doctor recommended it. I did not increase my
beegee intake, however, because I dont see a desperate need to walk around town blowing gigantic bubbles.
My idiotic drawing of a person bubbling will bask in bubblegumocracy.

The phone book ran a stupid glasses ad

This story was not one of the
eyewear industrys finest moments.
When I was growing up,
receiving new telephone directories
was a big deal in our household. Thats
because it rains a lot here, especially in
June, which was when the phone books
came back then. Getting new phone
books meant we could watch the old
ones burn. It was like Christmas in
June! And you could have a blast
paging through the phone books. The
Yellow Pages were full of splashy ads
with drawings, photos, maps, and bold
print. Plus, the Yellow Pages had that
cool logo with the fingers walking. I
used to do the walking fingers motion
when I was trying to sneak some food
before dinner was ready.
One day, I was just flipping
through the Yellow Pages when I
accidentally stumbled upon a large ad
placed by an eyeglasses store. Man,
was it stupid! Trust me, they
squandered lots of money on that ad,
because I cant possibly see how it
generated any business. The ad
featured drawings of 3 or 4
bespectacled peopleadults and children. These were clearly not intended to be caricatures or festive drawings.
They were supposed to be serious and properly proportioned, like they were drawn from photos of real people.
And I thought the boyassuming he wasnt drawn from a real personlooked like a fucking dweeb. But
if he was real, I feel sorry for him, because he probably had to take a lot of shit from people. Drawings dont have
feelingsbut people do. Im sensitive about bullying, and if he was real, he didnt need any of it.
Dont get me wrong: He might have looked respectable if his glasses werent too big for his head. I know
it was the era of big lenses like Hillary Clinton used to wear, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. Some
people need glasses that are a little more discreet, but if your face is the right shape, big glasses actually look
decent. But not on the kid in this ad. He looked like a grade school friend of mineexcept with oversized,
ridiculous specs.
If I was considering glasses, how was this ad supposed to help? I had a really hard time identifying with
the boy in the ad. The other peeps in the ad looked goofy too. It was just their heads floating in midair, but they
appeared to emerging from a building such as a church. I dont know if the ad actually had a building, but I saw
one there in my mind, as if I was hallucinating. Ive been told that Campbell County actually had some cool
churches back thenand still does. They werent like the do as we say churches Im accustomed to. But Im
sure the invisible church in this ad was a do as we say church. It gave the impression that everyone was
supposed to unquestioningly conform by wearing the same kind of glasses.
If the drawing of the boy was based on a real person, I feel bad for ridiculing the ad. If he really had
glasses like that, they were probably a pair that his parents made him buy, and Im sure he received a lot of guff
from schoolmates. The brats should have left him alone. For years, I was assaulted at school for reasons that are
just as indefensible, and if I saw anyone picking on him, Id have a good mind to punch their lights out. Today,
hed have to be over 40, and he probably wishes he dunked his glasses in hydrochloric acid or urine the day he got
them. I wouldnt blame him if he bawled all the way home from the optometrist when he got those specs, even if
his parents got him a burger (or a Burger) along the way. Not only was he no longer allowed to bubble, but he was
forced to look silly for the rest of his life. Maybe he got laid by the time he turned 40, but this sure didnt bolster
his prospects. If hes angry about me lampooning his ad, he has my permission to publish a zine devoted entirely
to making fun of my crossed eye, and we can call it even.
Some peeps can really rock big glasses. The woman in the old Sears Optical commercial with the yellow

and gray striped outfit looked quite reasonableunlike the boy in the Yellow Pages ad. This also brings to mind a
different Sears Optical commersh from several years later, in which the music and speech were buried in weird
swooshing noises to cover up any mention of the cost of glasseseven though the price was shown right there on
the screen.
Spectacles are not always the bestacles.

Brossart and the cemetery (a blast from the past)

It seemed unconscionable that hate speech generated by Bishop Brossart High School was still tolerated
in 2013. But it wasnt America where it happened. It was Facebook.
There was and is a Facepoo group for folks from Campbell County to share their stories. Needless to say,
the group was invaded by the Evil Empire and reduced to an impenetrable goo of hate.
At the time, Evergreen Cemetery in Southgate was the target of a rash of vandalism. The vandals
disrespected the deceasedand members of this Facebook group disrespected the living. They immediately
blamed residents of what they claimed was a low-income housing development nearby. No evidence, of course.
Never mind that rich neighborhoods also had easy access to the cemetery. Never mind also that rich
neighborhoods locally had a history of generating crime of every type. The vandalism sounded like some spoiled
rich kids fratboy antics that spiraled out of hand as usual.
Team Tyranny spread not only economic bigotryand racial bigotry by the implications they were
makingbut also religious bigotry. They claimed Neopagans and Muslims were kidnapping cats out of peoples
yards and burning them alive in the cemetery. They went on to imply that Jews were doing the same. Again, no
evidence. There wasnt even any evidence that animals were being taken into the cemetery at all. It was just a
right-wing conspiracy theory.
As it turned out, the woman who started that malicious rumor graduated from Brossart in the 1970s.
If schools did their job, their alumnuses
wouldnt be spreading right-wing hate speech like
that. Schools have a duty to promote forwardthinking attitudes. I know Brossart isnt the only
high school guilty of neglecting one of its most
basic charges, but they own this one. Plus, I went to
Brossart, and Ive seen the school not only
politicize everything but also openly encourage
hate crimes. When I first started school there, I was
in denial and just thought their politicizing wasnt
something that translated to the politics of the
outside world. But its subtle sometimes, and thats
how the schools mind-bending is so effective. I
think I gave up any illusions I had when the
principal ranted about a controversial issue over the
public address system.
I quickly bolted the Facebook group after
being subjected to the malicious lies against my
friends of other faiths. Havent been back in 3
years. I dont want to be subjected to bigotry like
that. If I had to hear such extremist crap at a family
Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, Id walk out. Id
rather hear a 12-hour-long litany of jokes about
something like my Sesame Street sores. Friends and
fam make jokes about things like that towards each other sometimes. Relatives and friends always crack jokes
about my Sesame Street soresand then we laugh together. I dont mind if you bring up my Sesame Street sores.
Youre allowed. Bigoted canards against people I love are a different matter altogether.
Just a few weeks ago, I went to my 25-year reunionfor Campbell County High School, not Brossart.
Somehow, CCHS has me on their class list even though I was kicked out of the entire Campbell County public
school system before I even started high school. The reunion organizers invited me anyway. But I didnt hear
anyone at this reunion spewing any prejudice. They were broadminded and toleranteven though the Donald
Trump campaign was in full force. If it was a Brossart reunion, Id expect it to be even more prejudicial than a Tea
Party meeting with Archie Bunker as a speaker. CCHS was apparently less militant than Brossart was at
brainwashing kids with right-wing propaganda. Most schools were.
When I attended Brossart from 1987-90, there was no reprieve from politics. Politics pervaded everything

thereall of it of the right-wing brand. Right-wing extremism has been a cancer on our community for far too
long, and the wrath of the forces of good must be unleashed. It is our calling to bring damnation to the Evil
Empire.

A person was disappointed they couldnt find gum

Some people like gum.
They dont chew the blasted stuff 24/7, but they dont completely blacklist it either. I have a friend like
this. She doesnt chomp this zesty dish constantly, but once in a while, she wants gum. I need gum, she was
once quoted as saying. Shes been an occasional gummer for as long as anyone can remember.
I bet you dont believe me. You think Im just making this up just so I can mention gum. Nope. She has
been within 50 miles of gum before. Shes even seen the stuff firsthand. By golly, shes even chewed it! It was
even confirmed years ago that she knows how to (drum roll please) blow a bubble. No, Im not making this up. I
actually know a person who is eminently capable of bubbling. I cant possibly force you to believe me, but youll
just have to take my word.
But shes been disappointed at
the local Kroger supermarket lately.
Recentlyas the story goesshe
Kroed for it. Now, the thing about this
Kroger is that the dividers you use at
the checkout lane to separate your
purchases from those of other
customers are emblazoned with ads
for gum. Populist luminary Jim
Hightower reported some years back
that these dividers were now known as
AdStick because they started putting
ads on them. Mr. Hightower expressed
chagrin at this development because it
helped turn America into one big
commercial.
Butaccording to my friend
this Kroger has no gum. They
advertise beegee, but they dont sell
any. Hard to believe a grocery
wouldnt carry gum, since I remember
grocery stores in my day selling gum
like they were trying to get it off their
hands for good. I remember the nowdefunct IGA in Fort Thomas selling
Bubblicious back when the Bubblicious logo looked like it was blowing a bubble on the lower right. That wrapper
always struck me funny.
My friend doesnt just want gum. She needs gumbut only on an occasional basis. It calms her and helps
her focus. Some of us think of gum as a combination of a candy and a toya product thats not really necessary.
Others see gum quite differently, for every once in a while, they must either masticate beegee or wear down their
zigzagged chompers from grinding them.
But no bother! She buyed gum at her favorite (ppphh!) gas station instead. Shes spent many a year
Kroing for it only to be forced to give her business to a competitor when she needs to gum. Tough toilets, Kroger.
Shes gonna gum like a pro for the remainder of her years, even when shes 50 and has dentures and has
to risk dislodging them when she bubbles.
Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.