Editorial

by Sami Suleiman

FILE

EDIT ORIAL_.PDF (515.81K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

10-NOV-2016 09:13AM

WORD COUNT

1579

SUBMISSION ID

735257221

CHARACT ER COUNT

8706

wordy

try: the legality of mj has been a huge . . .

If Californians
legalize?

residents

solid thesis.

where? when?

move left

Choose a
more relevant
Q, one about
second hand
cannabis
smoke.

italicize

intoxicate them?
helper verbs
need scientific, not anecdotal, evidence about in what percent of
infants, and how much
second hand smoke.
did the women smoke?
Need specifics to be
persuasive.

but it's
illegal for
those
under
21? Can
you add
relevance
here?

better
images.

it does. I saw it in time:

California, edibles will ha
low-dose breaking off
sections with 10 milligram
THC, the psychoactive a
people know exactly how
they are ingesting. Edible
need to be in childproof
packaging and not come
fashion that would appe
children, Reiman says."
http://time.com/4565438/
marijuana-faq-rules-prop

good use of quotation!

I like the way you changed

this, with "ifs."

Sami,
This is a good start on an issue for which your passion shines
through: good! I like your new images. What you'll want to
revise are your evidence and sentence fragments. You need
more relevant and specific evidence. See notes above for
examples of where you need to revise.

lots of
fragments here.

g
o
o
d

Editorial
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

82

Instructor

/150

PAGE 1

QM

Text Comment.

wordy

Text Comment.

try: the legality of mj has been a huge . . .

Text Comment.

If Calif ornians legalize?

Text Comment.

apostrophes
use a website like chompchomp.com to review proper apostrophe use. remember that
apostrophes can be used to show possession (the author's books) or contraction (don't,
won't). It's = It is.

Text Comment.

residents

Text Comment.

solid thesis.

PAGE 2

QM

||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel f orm. All expressions that are similar in
content and f unction should be expressed similarly.

QM

Frag.

Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."
QM

Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Text Comment.

where? when?

Text Comment.

move lef t

Text Comment.

Choose a more relevant Q, one about

second hand cannabis smoke.

PAGE 3

QM

Contextualize Q
T ell me who's speaking, to whom, about what, when, why. We call this contextualizing.

Text Comment.

italicize

Text Comment.

intoxicate them?

Text Comment.

helper verbs

Text Comment.

in what percent of inf ants, and how much did the women smoke? Need
specif ics to be persuasive.

Text Comment.

need scientif ic, not anecdotal, evidence about

second hand smoke.

PAGE 4

Text Comment.

but it's illegal f or those under 21? Can you add relevance here?

Text Comment.

better images.

PAGE 5

Text Comment.

it does. I saw it in time: "In Calif ornia, edibles will have to be low-dose
breaking of f into sections with 10 milligrams of T HC, the psychoactive agent, so people know
exactly how much they are ingesting. Edibles will need to be in childproof packaging and not
come in any f ashion that would appeal to children, Reiman says."
http://time.com/4565438/calif ornia-marijuana-f aq-rules-prop-64/

Text Comment.

good use of quotation!

Text Comment.

lots of f ragments here.

Text Comment.

I like the way you changed

PAGE 6

this, with "if s."

Text Comment.

Sami,
T his is a good start on an issue f or which your passion shines through: good! I like your new
images. What you'll want to revise are your evidence and sentence f ragments. You need more
relevant and specif ic evidence. See notes above f or examples of where you need to revise.
PAGE 7

Text Comment.
PAGE 8

good

RUBRIC: EDITORIALS RUBRIC

RHET FOCUS

Advanced

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position

persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position persuasively)
may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES

Prof icient

Using the appropriate majors customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.

Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one

source.
DEVELOPING

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation

marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

PROFICIENT

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse, relevant and persuasive.

ADVANCED

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse, relevant and persuasive.

PERSUASION

Developing

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
DEVELOPING

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION

Advanced

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps

contain multiple topics or are disorganized.

DEVELOPING

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,

transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)

f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN

Developing

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
DEVELOPING

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise

distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.