C H A P T E R

F I V E

Reduce Stress
To reduce stress, you need to understand stress. Stress is the result of your
perception of events. It is indicated by how you react to situations. What is stressful to
you might not be stressful to someone else and vice versa. You are not born with more
or fewer stress-prone genes than other people. In the end, it all amounts to attitude.
Stress is being implicated in an ever-increasing number of serious health problems.
To learn how to unstress, you must understand how you wound up stressed in the first
place.
The moment we encounter a tension-producing situation, our body chemically
prepares to fight or flee. Your adrenal cortex secretes hormones which cause you to
tense up. Your blood pressure rises and blood sugar is released for energy. Extra oxygen
is delivered to your organs so you can use them in fighting off the danger. Clotting
agents are increased in your blood in case you are wounded in the fight. Cholesterol and
other fats are released to serve as a reserve energy supply. Many other biological
changes also take place, all of which will allow your body to remain ready for action for
the next two or three hours.
But of course you dont fight and you dont flee, and this Stone Age internal reaction,
originally meant to protect you, becomes a serious menace to your health. So what can
you do?
Well, you have a few options. You can keep the stress repressed and bottled up
inside you. Of course this is sure to result in frustration, ulcers and worse health
problems down the line. Or you can express your stress through sickness, apathy, anger,
drinking, drugs, overeating or in any number of other undesirable ways. Or you can get
rid of your stress according to a plan, and this chapter offers a complete stress reduction
plan.

1. Consider your daily stress buttons.

Because stress is the result of constantly being ready to fight you have two ways of
handling it. You can resolve all the conflicts in your life, or you can learn to live with
them. To do either successfully youll have to change some viewpoints and behaviors
that are an integral part of your personality. The best place to begin is with an
exploration of your stress buttons.
In life, there are instances of tragedy and disruption that we expect to trigger stress,
such as the sudden death of a loved one, a debilitating injury or illness, the loss of a job,
and the overwhelm of moving or relocating. But the fact is, the daily hassles of life may
have a greater stress effect than the larger misfortunes of life. Examples of these daily
hassles would be worry about weight, losing or misplacing things, a major change in
your routine, too much to do and not enough time to do it properly, feeling lonely,
money worries, too many responsibilities, the children fighting, and pressure to perform
wellin any area.

Make a list of all the stress factors in your life, and if the cause isnt apparent,
attempt to find it. What causes you to be agitated? What makes you angry? What
frustrates you? When does that tension begin to creep in? Write down all the little things
that affect your well-being. You must first identify your stress buttons before you can
eliminate them.
If you become stressed every time you have a report or a deadline, maybe it goes
back to a childhood incident. It could be something remote. Perhaps your fourth-grade
teacher reprimanded and embarrassed you, which programmed an automatic anxiety
response you are still carrying. Take the time to stop and think about the reasons for
your anxiety. Sometimes just knowing the cause is enough to alleviate the effect.

2. Every time you become stressed,

mentally investigate your state of mind.
From this moment on, every time you feel stressed, mentally investigate your state
of mind. Reality is what you have chosen reality to be for you and it is alterable through
a change in viewpoint. So, ask yourself, What would it take to eliminate the stress in
this situation? and next, ask yourself, If I cant change the people or circumstances,
how can I change my viewpoint? Examining how you can change your point of view
reminds you that you have power in the situation.
It also might serve you to ask yourself if you had expectations of approval or control
in regard to the stressful situation. Chances are you did. If so, the real problems may be
with your expectationsexpectations which are not your right. You dont want to have
to provide approval on demand, do you? It certainly isnt your right to control others
actions. So, how can you expect others to be the way you want them to be? In such a
situation, your expectations are in conflict with what is. Remind yourself of that the next
time you get upset.

3. Identify how you express your stress.

Many mental and emotional disorders, from anxiety to depression, can be triggered
by stress. Even hair loss has been linked to stress. Asthma worsens in a stressful
environment and the heart rate and rhythm can be disturbed. Digestion can be
disrupted, causing numerous diseases. Menstrual disorders, impotence, and premature
ejaculation have been traced to stress as have bladder problems. Muscular twitches and
tics can result from stress and so can skin problems such as eczema and psoriasis.
Researchers also believe that if stress is repressed long enough, it contributes to cancer.
Here are some of the primary ways we express stress. Do any of these fit you?
Tenseness, continual on-the-go activity, feeling incapable, excessive smoking,
excessive drinking, excessive use of tranquilizers or marijuana, upset stomach, excess
sleeping, unfocused thinking, driving your car aggressively, turning every game into an
intense competition, inability to sleep or frequent waking during the night, loss of sexual
interest, trying to do more than one thing at a time, nervous habits from tapping your
fingers to swinging your foot, easy irritability, high blood pressure, frequent headaches,
cold hands gritting your teeth, overeating or undereating.
Identify the ways in which you express your own stress. Notice that they disappear
once you reduce your stress levels. Then congratulate yourself on your success.

4. Take action. Diffuse the

pressure situations in your life.
Plan out your day and refuse to be intimidated by what needs to be done. Even if
you cant accomplish everything, set priorities so that you accomplish each task in order
of importance and deadline. Then do each job one part at a time.
If every time you have to meet a particular deadline you become stressed, start
planning ahead a little better, so you dont continually end up in a last minute panic. If
family members drive you up the wall, learn some assertiveness training techniques to
verbally stand up for your human rights without offending your relatives. If the crowd
at the supermarket drives you crazy, do your shopping during the slack hours.
All this amounts to being more rational in your approach to life. Be more realistic
about what you will encounter when you put yourself into potentially stressful
situations. Often this alone is enough to start reducing your stress. Start doing
somethinganything, to deal with the problem.
If you cant take direct action, what about indirect action? If your stress is coming
from guilt or regret, you need to accept that you cant change the past. But you can get
busy, and keep busy, which will assist you to forget about the situation and the stress.
Also in regard to guilt, be aware that it is an absolutely absurd emotion because
usually nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done, let the past be a lesson as to
how to handle the future, and let go of the guilt.
There a million things you can do to change your attitude and relieve stress. Start
smiling at the people in your life, and laughing at yourself. Stop attempting to do more
than one thing at a time. Spend 15 minutes doing nothing but listening to relaxing
music. Consider meditation as an anti-stress technique. Play a game or sport to lose
every once in a while. Do everything more slowlywalking, talking and eating. Go out
and really observe a sunset, or a flower. Take a walk. Take your watch off for a week.

5. Balance your work with play.

If you are a high achiever, its often hard to break away to spend time in other
wayssuch as exercising, sharing with your family, spending quality time with your
children, enjoying a hobby, or even attending to your spiritual needs. But this balance is
critical to your overall well-being and is essential when battling stress. Maintaining your
equilibrium must become a central priority.
If you allow yourself to fall out of balance, things will go wrong in other areas of
your life. If you are ignoring your relationship for your career, you can count on having
relationship problems, which will then indirectly affect your career. If you arent
exercising properly, youll probably get sick, which again will indirectly affect the other
areas of your life. What areas in your own life are out of balance? What can you do to
create balance?

6. At night, put your work and concerns aside.

By eight or nine oclock at night, put your work and concerns aside. Let this be the
time you are finished for the day and ready to relax. Be aware that it will still take two or
three hours for all your internal stress hormones to be re- absorbed by the glands that

produced them. Spend this time doing something that is relaxing, while also mentally
engaging. This will take your mind away from the stressful thoughts of the day.

7. Be direct and honest; handle disputes

with other people immediately.
When you are not direct and honest, you repress. Repression is simply another
expression of fear. Fear is negative subconscious programming that only creates future
negative experiences. Fear of expressing your true feelings dissipates your energy. The
more you repress, the less energy you have to be who you really are.
To resolve problems, all you have to do is be direct and honest about what you want
and dont want. Express your needs calmly, without resentment or hostility. Dont be
afraid of hurting someone elses feelings. If someone cannot accept you as you are,
without attempting to manipulate you, do you really need that person in your life?
If there is conflict, negotiate a compromise before the stress sets in. Storing up hurt
doesnt work. If others have let you down, express what you need to say. And
remember, never do anything that causes you to lose self-esteem. If self-esteem is the
result of what you do in life, then to increase your self-esteem you need to do things that
support your goal. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you
build your self-esteem. When you do things you dont feel good about, you lower your
self-esteem.

8. Do what you do naturally and well, and delegate the

rest of the responsibilities to others.
Some of you may believe that when it comes to your work, you can do it better than
anyone else. When others dont get the job done, you take on the task. Instead, why not
decide to delegate everything you dont really need to do?
You dont need to control every little situation, and you can live with a little less
perfection. Research has shown that busy executives who are less stressed than their
peers have high self-esteem, think the world is worthwhile, believe they can influence
events around them, and tend to see change and problems as opportunities. Start
viewing your problems as decisions that need to be made.
If you have irrational outbursts, overly strict standards, and use high pressure tactics
at work, you are only being counterproductive. Does your tendency to become easily
irritated and aggravated really help you get the job done? Does impatience make it
easier to make decisions, or does it cause you to move too quickly and screw up? Do
your ultra-high expectations help you succeed? More likely they assure failure. Its time
to replace the idea that overdriven behavior is beneficial. Your extreme hardworking
attitude isnt always healthy, or productive.
Examine your personality. Your personality is the basis of how you react to lifes
stresses. Although no one is a total type A or type B personality, most people are
inclined toward type A behavior. They tend to be excitable, competitive and goal
oriented. In his book, Treating Type A Behavior And Your Heart, Dr. Meyer Friedman says,
If you are a type A personality and can admit to it, you are halfway to kicking the
undesirable type A patterns. The doctor goes on to list low self-esteem and insecurity
as the primary causes of these undesirable behavioral patterns. He says that in his

research study of 592 type A people, every single one doubted their ability to perform
their duties well enough to warrant advancement in their company. If this describes
you, I suggest you read Chapter Three, Increase Self-Esteem.

9. Examine your self-talk to see what you are

programming into your subconscious mind.
Thoughts and fantasies constantly run through your mind, indirectly creating your
future reality. Sometimes they are in response to a specific event and sometimes they
just flood into your mind when you are quiet. Here are some negative examples of selftalk: I just cant stand waiting in lines. I never have enough time to get everything
done I need to do. Id like to have a tank so I could crush every car that cuts in front of
me on the freeway.
Use a thought stopping technique to stop the negative self-talk from becoming
subconscious programming. Say these two trigger words to yourself, Success
Opportunity. Then replace the negative thought with a positive one. Never allow
someone elses lack of balance to create a problem for you. This technique assures
positiveinstead of negativeprogramming.

10. Exercise!
Since stress prepares your body for intense muscular activity, exercise is a great way
to relieve built-up tension. The more aerobic the exercise the better. Vigorous daily
exercise increases levels of the neurotransmitters as well as endorphins, the bodys
natural opiates, and will make it easier for you to relax more completely. The oxygen
flooding through your system will help you detoxify more quickly and eliminate the
biological factors that prolong stress.
So, running, fast walking, swimming, cycling, calisthenics, and aerobic dancing are
especially recommended. When you include regular exercise as a part of your lifestyle, it
assists you to keep your stress level low enough to absorb ordinarily stressful situations
without affecting you. Obviously it is best not to take up competitive exercise such as
handball, tennis, or volleyball, as these may create other stressful situations.

11. Change your eating habits.

Eliminate those foods which generate or worsen stress. On days of extreme stress,
eat more carbohydrates. Proteins contain energizing brain chemicals, while
carbohydrates, through a complex metabolic pathway, allow more tryptophan, a
component that enhances relaxation, to get into the brain.
Poor diet generates far more stress than most people realize. Even if you just
incorporate the new government dietary guidelines youll be well served. Reduce your
intake of foods containing sugar and refined white flour. Eliminate junk foods and fried
foods. Replace red meat with fish, chicken or turkey. Avoid cholesterol. Reduce your
alcohol intake. Eat more fresh vegetables, many of them raw. Also eat fresh fruits, and
100 percent whole grain bread, cereal and pasta products.
There are three food related diseases which often generate or worsen stress. The first
is food allergies, the second is hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), and the third is
candidathe yeast problem. All are very common, all are curable simply by changing

your diet. For example, you can greatly reduce candida by eliminating sugar and dairy
products from your diet.
If you dont take vitamins, perhaps you should consider vitamin supplements. Most
health food stores carry anti-stress vitamin and mineral formulas that can be very
helpful. Some of the most important stress fighters are vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E,
the complete B complex, and panthenic acid, which is vitamin B-5. Most nutritionists
suggest using supplements, but you need expert advice, or you need to do your own
research before purchasing vitamins. Of course, obtain your doctors advice before
making any significant changes in your lifestyle.

12. You attract that which you are

and that which you concentrate upon. So concentrate on
becoming calm and centered.
The law of attraction states, Where your attention goes your energy flows. You
attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. If you are negative,
you draw in and experience negativity. If you are loving you draw in and experience
love. You can attract to you only those qualities you possess. So if you want peace and
harmony in your life, you must become peaceful and harmonious.

13. Accept that what is, is.

There are things you can change in life and things you cant change. To accept what
is, is to accept unalterable realities as they are without wasting mental or physical
energy attempting to change what you cant. It is your resistance to what is that causes
your suffering and your stress.
The Serenity Prayer says, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
This doesnt mean to passively accept life. What you have the potential to change go
ahead and change. But recognize that there are also things you can do nothing about.

14. Develop conscious detachment.

There is attached mind and detached mind. Attached mind means your state of
mind is always changing from positive to negative as outside conditions change. This is
extreme fluctuation from happiness and joy, down through neutral to your emotional
basement: stress, depression, anger, and agitation.
The goal is to develop detached mind. This means your state of mind fluctuates only
from positive to neutral as outside conditions change. You accept all the warmth and joy
and happiness that life has to offer while detaching from negativity by allowing it to
flow through you without affecting you.
You detach out of wisdom, not repression. Sure, if you feel angry, hostile or
resentful, youll have to express it, or the emotions will erupt in another way. But as you
begin to see the logic of detachment your negative emotions will be less likely to emerge
in response to situations.
Detached mind is based upon two points of logic: 1) If you get upset, you will
program your subconscious mind negatively, which will generate more negativity in
your future. In other words you simply make matters worse; and 2) If you are resisting

what is, you are wasting your energy, because you want something, or somebody, to be
different than they are. It wont happen, so why become stressed about something you
cant change?
A problem does not have to be eliminated to be resolved. Often a better solution is a
change in viewpoint. When you are no longer affected by a problem, you no longer have
a problem, although nothing may have outwardly changed.
What other people say or do, other than physical violence, does not affect you. Only
what you think about what they say or do affects you. Why allow another persons
problem to create a problem within you? Lets say the person closest to you is often
warm and loving, and you enjoy these times, but this person can also be selfish and selfcentered. During those times you consciously detach and let the negativity flow through
you without affecting you. It is that persons right to be grouchy, and it is your right not
to be affected. Nothing about the situation has changed except the way you view it.

15. Express unconditional love.

This doesnt mean romantic love. It means the acceptance of other people as they are
without judgment, without expectations, and without blame. It means to be
compassionate and caring. Love is letting go of fear, letting go of delusions.
Fear is a big word. All disturbances between human beings, large or small, are
rooted in fear. Fear means all the negative emotions such as anger, selfishness, jealousy,
prejudice, hate, repression, envy, possessiveness, greed, anxiety, guilt, insecurity,
depression, inhibitions, vanity, malice, resentment, blame, et cetera. Imagine being free
of fear-based emotions.
Learn to respond to others with compassion and a tranquil mind. The more you can
live and let live the less stressed out you will be. Detach from negativity and you
become more physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually
aware. You will begin to feel centered and serene, at peace with yourself, the world, and
everyone in it. Realize that you deserve love and happiness, and to give love is to receive
love.

16. Use breathing techniques

to immediately unstress.
Use this technique of diaphragm breathing as a quick-fix technique to immediately
unstress. You can do it in your car, your office or walking down the street. Just take a
very deep breath and hold it in as long as you comfortably can. Then let the breath out
through slightly parted lips, and when you think the breath is all the way out, contract
your stomach muscles, and push it even further and further out. Then repeat the
process. Within a few minutes you will find that you have greatly reduced your stress
level.

17. Use self-hypnosis

Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of reducing
stress. The final chapter tells you how.

Reduce Stress Summary

1. Consider your daily stress buttons.
2. After the fact, mentally investigate your state of mind.
3. Identify how you express your stress.
4. Take action. Diffuse the pressure situations in your life.
5. Balance your work with play.
6. At night, put your work and concerns aside.
7. Be direct and honest; handle disputes with other people immediately.
8. Do what you do naturally and well, and delegate the rest of the responsibilities to
others.
9. Examine your self-talk to see what you are programming into your subconscious
mind.
10. Exercise!
11. Change your eating habits.
12. You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. So
concentrate on becoming calm and centered.
13. Accept that what is, is.
14. Develop conscious detachment.
15. Express unconditional love.
16. Use breathing techniques to immediately unstress.

Affirmations

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how
to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming.
I am at peace with myself and my circumstances.
I feel very relaxed and peaceful.
I now view life as a tranquil oneness.
I am no longer affected by what cannot be changed.
I am physically relaxed and emotionally at ease.
I now let go of all turmoil in my life.
I feel balanced and harmonious.
I am so relaxed and so at ease.
I no longer have expectations of approval or control.
I accept that what is, is.
I consciously detach from negativity, allowing it to flow through me without affecting me.
I handle disputes with other people immediately.

I think ahead, diffusing stressful situations in advance.

Every day in every way I feel better about myself.
I make sure my self-talk is positive.
I now eat nutritionally balanced meals.
Exercise now becomes a part of my daily lifestyle.
Diaphragm breathing always relaxes me.