The New Indian Express
Saturday, April 10, 2010
zeitgeist
Your Saturday
Magazine
Practically
Marzipan
Aishwarya Subramanian
This must
be how the
Jackson
fans felt
W
hen Michael Jackson
died last year and vari-
ous people were writing
obituaries, I was a little disturbed
by friends refusal to confront the
child sexual abuse allegations. It
wasnt their conviction that he
was innocent of the charges that
was bothersome (everyone has
the right to weigh the evidence
for themselves and believe what
they choose) it was the com-
plete dismissal by people who
would normally take such allega-
tions very seriously, just because
they happened to be fans of the
accused. Thats the easy way out,
of course; its harder by far to
acknowledge that an artist whose
work you love and admire may
have had serious flaws or commit-
ted crimes. There were obituaries
that did just that, and those must
have been difficult to write.
Fans of British childrens writ-
er William Mayne do not have the
comfort of wishing the bad parts
away. Mayne was charged with the
sexual abuse of young female fans.
He pleaded guilty (though he later
retracted this statement) and was
convicted in 2004. He was impris-
oned for two years.
I discovered Maynes writing
only last year, and as an adult. I
had heard him spoken of in con-
nection with other childrens writ-
ers I liked, and around this time
last summer invested in second-
Mayne was one of the
greatest writers of
the last century. His
writing thrilled me
when I first discovered
it, and it continues
to delight me
hand copies of A Grass Rope
(which won a Carnegie Medal in
1957) and A Swarm in May (which
was filmed in the 1980s). And I was
overwhelmed; this was phenom-
enal writing. Not quite real, not
quite fantasy, deep and introspec-
tive and uncomfortable and lovely.
When I look back and try to re-
member my childhood (which
wasnt that long ago) Maynes
books feel achingly familiar.
And this is not just my opinion.
Mayne was widely acknowledged
as one of Britains finest chil-
drens writers. In addition to all
the critical acclaim, he was quite
popular. In addition to the movie
of A Swarm in May, a five-part
television series adaptation of
another of his works, Earthfasts,
was shown on the BBC in 1994. By
anyones standards he ought to be
considered at least a reasonably
well-known writer.
Mayne was found dead in his
home on the 24th of March this
year. He was 82, and he seems to
have died alone. Only one newspa-
per (and not a particularly big one)
has reported his death. As of this
date (almost two weeks after his
death) none of the major papers
have made mention of it. I dont
know why that is; whether it has
anything to do with his crimes
(and as I said before, such an obit-
uary has to be hard to write) or he
has just been forgotten.
Mayne was one of the greatest
writers of the last century. His
writing thrilled me when I first
discovered it, and it continues
to delight me. His actions in his
personal life on the other hand
upset and anger me. Its a contra-
diction that we should all be used
to handling by now (so many great
artists have been less than ideal
as human beings), yet somehow
its still hard.
But Im writing this column be-
cause Mayne deserves some sort
of memorial, somewhere. He was
brilliant, he was loathsome, but he
mattered, and it would be shame-
ful to let that knowledge die.
The writer is a student of English
literature. She blogs at http://bluelull-
aby.blogspot.com. You can reach her
at bluelullaby@gmail.com
Whos the Gee
Oh Gee?
It really does wonders for your self-esteem to be an adult and sit there while
another adult talks to you like you are a three-year-old that eats glue
K
: Guess who just got back from Govern-
ment Office excursion?
The Gee Oh!
S: So thats where youve been all day!
K: I be hangin at the Gee Oh.
S: Very gangsta of you. Youre the Gee Oh
Gangsta.
K: Im the Gee Oh Gee, yeah you know
me!
S: Whos the Gee Oh Gee?
K: Yeah you know me!
S: Whos the Gee Oh Gee?
K: Yeah you...
S: Ok enough. I take it nothing happened
there as usual.
K: If something ever did happen at the Gee
Oh, it would initiate a backward time-loop
hiccupsneeze that would cause the universe
to swallow itself.
S: Ew.
K: This is why nothing ever happens there.
It is holding the universe together.
S: What games did you play today? Did you
play Run Up And Down And Up And Down
The Building Signature Hunt?
K: No, that was last time. And a very in-
vigorating game it was too because one person
absolutely refused to sign anything unless I
bought them samosa and tea, sang their per-
sonal top ten hits of MGR while standing on
one leg and promised to bring them four
bottles of authentic Andhra mango pickle.
S: So what did you play today?
K: First we played Repeat After Me Because
You Are Stupid.
S: Ive never played that!
K: Its definitely one of the Old Skool games.
The esteemed Gee Oh Official yawns at your
Our future in our hands, so stand up and be counted
L
ast week, like many Indian American
friends, I received the 2010 Census
form in the mail. The brevity of so
crucial a document was surprising.
Ten questions. That is all the Census Bureau
is asking folks residing in America to answer.
Keen to make the most of the opportunity,
the desi community in Silicon Valley, and
across America, has been working overtime
to create awareness about the census. For
weeks now, advertisements in the local tele-
vision and print media, urging desis to par-
ticipate, are doing the rounds. The Hindi
version of the desi ad promoting Census 2010
advises humara bhavishya, humare haath
(our future in our hands.)
Just why does it matter so much? Because
inaccurate representation of the numerical
strength of the Asian Indian community
means it might get passed up for due privi-
leges and its share of over $400 billion per
year in federal funds. To encourage participa-
tion so it can receive an accurate count, the
American law protects confidentiality of
the respondents. This implies that the FBI,
CIA, Immigration Department, IRS, and the
like will have no access to any piece of infor-
mation provided by respondents in the Census
multiverse
Conversations
Kuzhali Manickavel
is the author of Insects Are Just Like You and
Me Except Some of Them Have Wings. She
blogs at http://thirdworldghettovampire.
blogspot.com.
kazillion papers. Then he says You need to
get attestation from two fresh water ducks
that are on their way to Latvia.
S: Then?
K: Then he looks at you and says very slow-
ly, You need to get? Come on, tell me?
S: Oh! Its like filling in the blanks!
K: It really does wonders for your self-es-
teem to be an adult and sit there while an-
other adult talks to you like you are a three-
year old that eats glue.
S: It is a very long game?
K: It really is. We were playing for about an
hour before we finally got to Two fresh water
ducks that are on their way to? Come on come
Silicon
Tales
Farwa Imam Ali
is a journalist based in the US.
silicontales@gmail.com
on say me? Lat-vi-a. Very good.
S: You played that the whole day?
K: No, after that we had a very dramatic
session of You Dont Have A Pen?!
S: That game scares me. So much drama.
K: I think some of our most powerful dra-
matic actors work in the Gee Oh and they only
display their full artistic prowess when they
find out you dont have a pen. This one was
just like Sivaji, very powerful emoting.
S: These are the people who can win us Os-
cars!
K: He kept saying, You are an educated
person? You dont have a pen? Then the bur-
den of this became too much for him so he
started telling this to everyone who passed by.
Then it turned into an interactive theater
piece.
S: Wow, what was that like?
K: Half the people said I didnt have a pen
because I was arrogant and the other half said
it was because my family was arrogant. I
didnt realise there was such a strong connec-
tion between arrogance and not having a
pen.
S: There is only one way for you to beat this
whole Gee Oh business for good.
K: And that is?
S: Join those fresh water ducks that are go-
ing to Latvia.
K: I dont want to go to Latvia. Im proud to
be an Indian.
S: Then youll probably be going to the Gee
Oh for the rest of your life.
K: Im so ready! Whos the Gee Oh Gee? Yeah
you know me! Whos the...
S: No need. Once is enough.
illustration:
tuhin chakraborty
document. Given this blanket protection, the
law encourages everyone on US soil to par-
ticipate in Census 2010.
Strangely, some desis remained unaware that
they were eligible to complete a census form.
They thought the law required only citizens to
participate. Until the census awareness grass-
roots drive initiated in tech valley informed
them otherwise. Fact is, the 2010 Census is a
count of everyone living in America at the time
the census is being carried out.
So irrespective of whether you are a
citizen, a legal or illegal immigrant, on
H1-B visa, any other visa or no visa, you must
fill out the census for m you receive.
Politically savvy desis impress the small but
important effort is worth the big payoff.
If the numbers add up, the Indian commu-
nity in America can benefit from improved
schools, job ops, and big bucks in federal
funds annually.
Completing this years form, old timers
recall the umbrage they previously felt being
clubbed under the South Asian tag (along
with Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, and our other
neighbors!) Talk about splitting hairs in a
country that is an adopted homeland! Such
folks would have received my polite remind-
7
A Fine Line
Gitanjali Kolanad
is a Toronto-based dancer,
choreographer and writer.
gitakolanad@yahoo.ca
The smiley
ball of age &
happiness
A
m I old yet? Ive just had another
birthday, so Im definitely old-er.
Ive already passed the billion sec-
ond mark, and that was some time
ago. The 30 million minute mark
is coming up fast, in about a year. Im well
past the 20,000 day mark and the 500 month
mark. When I walk up the stairs and hear my
knees creaking I certainly feel old. But Im not
sure any more. After all, nowadays even 50, 60
and 70-year-old women are having babies. 50
seems to be the new 30.
Old and wise are supposed to go togeth-
er the way thunder goes with lightning, one a
natural outcome of the other. But obviously
that is not necessarily the case. Those 50, 60
and 70 year old women whove gone to such
incredible effort to further the interests of
their genetic code, havent looked at the find-
ings of the relatively new field of happiness
research. It concludes that having children
actually makes people less happy. Studies show
that people find interacting with their kids as
happiness-inducing as doing housework, and
would rather watch TV.
Contrary to the common adage, money makes
people happier, up to a point. But after the basic
necessities are met, money loses its purchasing
power. People in some poor countries are just
as happy as people in some rich countries. Peo-
ple who win the lottery may feel happier right
after the event, but a year later, the level of per-
ceived happiness returns to normal. Research
Contrary to the common
adage, money makes people
happier. But after the basic
necessities are met, money
loses its purchasing power
shows that the only way in which money can
truly be said to buy happiness is when it is used
to purchase gifts. In a cleverly constructed psy-
chological study, participants were given an
envelope with either 5$ or 20$ in it, and an in-
struction to spend the money on themselves, or
on others. When later asked to rate their happi-
ness, those who spent the money on themselves
were no more elated than a control group,
whether they got 5$ or 20$. On the other hand,
the group who had donated the money to char-
ity, or used it to buy someone a gift were sig-
nificantly cheered by the experience.
Botox makes people happier. After an injec-
tion of Botox, the muscles are not able to frown.
For those who cant afford Botox, its effective
to plaster on a fake smile. People found a car-
toon funnier when they watched it while hold-
ing a pencil between their teeth, forcing the
muscles of the mouth to form a smile. That
facial expression communicates the emotion
to our own brains as well as to other people
since were making a silly grin, we figure
we must be having a good time.
Getting older makes people happier. The
graph line co-relating age and happiness is
shaped like a smile: people start out happy, de-
scend gradually into their miserable forties,
with spirits lifting from then on. So for the
menopausal women having babies, the unhap-
piness of parenthood and the happiness of age
may balance each other out.
The truth is, human beings dont have a clue
about what really makes us happy. Thats why
we undergo in vitro fertilisation, work long
hours, buy lottery tickets and shop for diamonds.
You think wed learn, with age and experience,
to give our money to earthquake victims in Hai-
ti, and walk around biting on a pencil.
er that nothing is ever perfect, not even an
American Census. But this year it got near
perfect. Indians now have their own category,
classified Asian Indian. Still, I believe the
job of a Census is to count the number of
people as accurately as possible, without hav-
ing to deal with internal politics of various
communities. And it does.
About three decades ago, the United States
Census Bureau counted 361,544 Indian Amer-
icans living in the US (about one-sixth of one
percent of 226.5 million US population.)
Come 1990, that number reached 815,447
to include the large number of desi babies
born and raised in America. By 2000 the cen-
sus count of Indian Americans touched ap-
proximately 1.67 million.
With the arrival of Census 2010 the buzz
has grown, as has the responsibility. Indians
in the Valley, and across the country, believe
it is time to emphasise the strong thriving
community Indians have become and under-
line their role in the future of America. In
terms of receiving benefits and facilities this
is one time when strength truly does lie in
numbers. True to the 2010 Census slogan, In-
dians here are ready like never before to
stand up and be counted.