V

GENUINE MOTIV TION

JULY 2010 YOUNG CHRISTIAN MAN

Dirty Ducks Unlimited

& Other Alternatives
to Disneyland
GOOD GREIF(ING)
GET LESS FOR MORE!
THE ATTRACTION OF DISTRACTION
YOUNG
CHRISTIAN
MAN
04 Feature Article: Good Grief(ing) Silence Is Golden
DONNA LEE SCHILLINGER

06 On The Couch: The Attraction of Distraction

RANDY KOSLOSKI

08 Can You Relate: Why Wait?

JOHN R. BURI, PH.D.

10 Pest Control For Your Sins: Pay More, Get Less

ROB BEAMES

12 Cornered By Grace: The Stiff Arm of the Law

ROB BEAMES

14 Press On: Broken Mirrors

WILL DOLE

16 The Tool Box: Dirty Ducks Unlimited and Other Alternatives to Disneyland
JEFFREY BRIDGMAN
A PUBLICATION OF ON MY OWN NOW MINISTRIES WWW.ONMYOWNNOW.COM
VISIT OUR ARCHIVES TO VIEW PAST ISSUES OF GENUINE MOTIVATION

JULY 2010
EDITOR IN CHIEF / ROB BEAMES
ART + CREATIVE DIRECTOR / MICHAEL MURO
 GOOD GRIEF(ING)

Silence
IS

GOLDEN
By Donna Lee Schillinger

L IKE ONE WHO TAKES AWAY A GARMENT ON A COLD DAY, OR LIKE VINEGAR
POURED ON SODA, IS ONE WHO SINGS SONGS TO A HEAVY HEART.
Proverbs 25:20

Around the Forth of July, we are often reminded of the
death of brave soldiers and even loved ones in the history
of our great nation. In honor of my grandfather, Wilbur
Hunter, a World War II veteran who passed away on
May 8, 2010, I offer this observation: Americans suck
at comforting people. There are some wonderful things
about American culture, but when it comes to grieving,
our culture has left us completely unprepared. We have
no idea how to comfort someone who has just lost
someone very close. Probably because we just don’t
think it’s ever going to happen to us!
When my brother-in-law passed away at 46 years of age,
his wife needed support that I didn’t know how to give.
Having been married for almost 15 years, this man was
her life. When I saw her for the first time after he passed
away, she looked like I’d never seen her look before—lost.
It was so sad and she was so upset and I… was clueless
as to how to help. I was hurting acutely as well, and having
recently suffered the loss of my own son, one would think
I would know what to do in such a situation. In those first
hours at my sister-in-law’s home, I wracked my brain for
some direction on how to behave. I knew what my sister-
in-law was feeling, but also knew better than to tell her that.
That’s rule number one, a grieving person doesn’t want
to hear that you know how he feels—he won’t believe it
or appreciate it, even if it’s true. In fact, it is rarely ever
true. No matter how similar the situation or the loss
seems to us, we don’t know how each person in the
same circumstances actually feels. We can’t, because he
is a unique individual with different ways of responding to
the world around them. We can guess how he feels, and
perhaps be quite accurate. We can estimate how we think
we would feel in the same situation, and our evaluation
may be close, but we can never actually know how that
certain individual feels. We should be hesitant to tell him
we know how he feels, and much quicker to ask him how
he’s coping.

GM : 4
The book of Job actually holds some solid advice on co-
grieving. Job’s three friends have gone down in history as
examples of what not to do for a friend who is suffering,
but that’s not fair. It’s true that those guys screwed up the
moment they opened their mouths, but do you recall what
they did before they spoke? Take note:
“When they saw [Job] from a distance, they could hardly
recognize him, they began to weep aloud, and they tore
their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they
sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven
nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how
great his suffering was” (Job 2:12-13).
Here it is—how to co-grieve in two simple steps: Don’t hold
back your own feelings of grief; and just sit quietly with the
grieving person. Simple. On the flipside, our proverb tells
us what not to do: sing songs. Duh! Right? Wrong. Maybe
your momma taught you better than to break out into song
while you’re in the presence of someone who is grieving,
but I can tell you from experience, not all have the good
judgment not to “sing songs.”
“Death causes us to address questions about
which we may be uncertain.”
A life has been lost, but all we can muster is 15 minutes of
reverence. About that soon after the mourners arrive, they
start discussing the weather, the traffic, a movie that just
came out—anything. It’s like, “We did our thing, we gave
a tearful hug to the widow, life goes on, get over it.” We
should bear in mind that for the person mourning, the fact
that life goes on might be infuriating. The person mourning
most heavily may want all the world to stop for at least
one full day and observe her grief with her—sit in silent
contemplation of the one she has lost.
On the day of my son’s funeral, we went to my mother’s
house after the burial and within 10 minutes, it was like we
were at a family reunion. All the reverence for the occasion
that had been apparent at the grave site dissipated
and only my husband and I were left sitting on the
couch, choking down a sandwich, listening to mundane
conversation around us, wondering what the heck just
happened! Did everyone simultaneously forget that our
son died?
* Donna Lee Schillinger is the founder of On My Own Now Ministries, Inc., editor of Single! Young Christian
Woman and author of On My Own Now: Straight Talk from the Proverbs for Young Christian Women who Want
to Remain Pure, Debt-free and Regret-free.
It doesn’t always play out this way. Sometimes the person
who was closest to the deceased will not appear to be
heavily grieved, and some may not want comfort. Some,
particularly if the death of their loved one was a result of a
long battle with disease or from old age, may have done a
lot of their heavy grieving in the months that preceded the
death. They may be in a “let’s celebrate their life” mode.
In that case, do it, celebrate their life. This doesn’t mean
it’s OK to start talking about books and movies within 15
minutes, it means the grieving person wants the mood to
be positive, but still all about the one they love.
The important thing is to take your cues from the person
with whom you’re grieving: match their mood and don’t
change the subject. This day is all about the person who
passed away. Stay focused. That’s it. It’s simple, yet it
does not necessarily feel natural or comfortable.
Our society tends to marginalize these types of things
due to the uneasy nature of the subject. Death causes us
to address questions about which we may be uncertain.
Most of us don’t like to dwell on the afterlife, although we
may strongly believe in its existence. Some don’t want to
discuss it because they really don’t know what will happen.
For this reason, it may have been easier for Job’s friends
to support him through the grieving process in the manner
they did, although they might have been getting a little
hungry for a sub sandwich or antsy for pillow after sitting
on the hard ground with Job for four days straight.
They probably didn’t feel the emotional doubt we often
do and were more accustomed to the physical discomfort
than most of us are. And yet, we find out later that they
didn’t know as much as they thought they did about God
and death.
We can take solace in that fact, and realize we can learn
something from one of the oldest recorded funerals. When
we attempt to comfort someone, we may feel extremely
uncomfortable from the minute we arrive to the minute we
walk out the door, but we can be encouraged knowing that
God can use the attitude of our heart when it’s focused on
helping the grieving person. We should remember that it
won’t necessarily be our words that provide them with the
comfort they need. Their comfort comes foremost from
God’s Spirit. Our willingness to simply stand (or sit) with
them in their time of grief will speak volumes.
GM : 5
on
the
couch
THE ATTRACTION OF DISTRACTION
by Randy Kosloski
Denny had a strong propensity to wander. He originally
sought counseling due to the discord he experienced
with his father, which was an issue so severe that it
caused a disconnect with his entire family. Like many
of us, Denny had taken for granted that a healthy
relationship with his father would happen naturally with
little effort, but it did not. After some initial exploration
into this broken relationship, it was clear that Denny
harbored monumental resentments from his childhood
because his father consistently chose activities, such as
golf or work, over parenting.
Not unlike most sons, this bitterness did not wipe
out his drive to please his father, and consequently,
this internal ambivalence led him to some harmful
distractions, including isolation from his family, excessive
drinking and destructive romantic relationships. When
the bonds he made with women became uncomfortable
for him, he simply broke those connections and fled.
He had no problem with this. He continued to ignore
the harm this caused, and quickly moved on to any
new relationship or activity which provided him with an
adequate distraction—just as his father had previously
done to him.
“Even routine tasks can either create meaning
in our lives, or they can be used as distractions
to keep us from facing serious issues.”
Despite the lack of devotion he showed when Denny
was young, Denny’s father held high standards for him
as an adult in both work and religion. Denny responded
by replacing his father’s values with his own in much
the same way he felt his father did to him as a child.
Withdrawal as a defense mechanism eventually caused
Denny the most anguish. Ironically, as Denny pulled
away, his father wanted to increase his presence in
Denny’s life. He became more a part of Denny’s adult
life than he was when living with him under the same
roof. And every bit of unwanted advice his father
provided—advice on spiritual growth, career, family—
became highly irksome.
When I first met Denny, he appeared to be executing
his daily responsibilities quite well, and had a good
job, although it was one about which he wasn’t very
passionate. He had recently developed several positive
romantic relationships, and although he exhibited the
potential to develop a drinking problem, he was not
considered to be an alcoholic. His success in everyday
life seemed to beg the question even more profoundly:
Why did he need all the distractions?
After a while, it became apparent that Denny needed
the distractions in his life to keep from facing the fear
of losing what meant most to him: a deep, intimate
relationship with his family. There was little peace
between himself and his family, but he didn’t want to
accept this fact. Since he could find no way to resolve it,
he had to distract himself, in order to distance himself
from it.
If we give it some thought, we might find that Denny
isn’t that much unlike most of us. We all, at times,
look for the easy way out. Men seem to be especially
prone to look for the escape hatch when a quick
resolution isn’t in sight. This hatch can take many
forms, depending on our personality. Perhaps we would
benefit by taking more seriously our many daily choices,
keeping in mind that even routine tasks can either
create meaning in our lives, or they can be used as
distractions to keep us from facing serious issues.
If we discover we are distracting ourselves a significant
amount of the time, we should look for the reason
we do this. In the end, we want to be using our time
to create meaning in our lives, rather than creating
only distractions.
Author Donald Miller, known for his work, Blue Like
Jazz, illustrates this point very well in his book, A Million
Miles in a Thousand Years: What I learned While Editing
My Life. As the title suggests, after Miller began to
understand how much of his daily life actually served
as a distraction, he discusses the changes that we can
undertake to create a life of meaning, instead. Through
his stream-of-consciousness style of writing, Miller takes
the reader along an introspective journey—reminiscent
of Holden Caufield’s life and times. The reader is also
given permission for open self-reflection through the
honest transparency the author uses in his own reflections.
Through this helpful work, we learn that with a genuine
desire for change, it is indeed possible. Proverbs 4:22
may be warning against our propensity to give into
distractions when it says, “Fix your eyes directly before
you.” One translation actually advises us to avoid the
sideshow and distractions. Stating it this way can help
illuminate the essential issue for us. Maybe we create
distractions because they are attractive, so inviting and
readily available. We just fall right into them.
On the other hand, putting meaning in our lives requires
hard work and focus. To create lives of meaning we
need to carefully scrutinize all our activities and try
to choose only the meaningful ones. If we find that
changes are required in our lives, we often find them
to be fundamental changes and those can be very
intimidating. In Denny’s case, he had to confront his
father with his genuine feelings regarding their past
relationship. This was necessary so they could have
a meaningful relationship going forward. He also had
to resolve some past issues so that the family could
grow closer, no longer hindered by the choking weeds
of resentment.
Making such difficult changes in our lives can be
frightening, but it is sometimes necessary in order to
construct lives of meaning, or as Miller might say, “to
write a story of our life that is worth reading.”
GM : 7
 WHY WAIT?
BY JOHN R. BURI, PH.D
Can You Relate
S ummer seems like an appropriate time to celebrate our independence as a nation, as students
free of classes, or as working men taking an earned vacation. Living in the land of the free, we
sometimes grip our independence a bit too tightly in the context of our civil status. Anymore, it seems
men, especially, tend to be hesitant to tie the knot.

Not too long ago I had a conversation with a group of recent
college graduates including both men and women. To a
person, they all agreed that they would not be getting married
anytime soon, and several of them were even more specific.
“Definitely not until after 30,” was a phrase which frequently
captured the essence of the responses. I walked away asking
myself the question, “Why do so many intentionally plan on
marrying later in life?”
Men have a well-know reputation for their stiff-arming
approach to marriage. Yet, surprisingly, single women are the
fastest growing demographic in America. The median age
at first marriage for women has gone from age 21 in 1970 to
age 27, presently. Furthermore, the marriage rate for women
under 35 has declined from 7.5 percent in this same year to
just under four percent today—nearly a 50 percent reduction.
Recently, I had a conversation with a young man named Eric,
who is 27 years old. While in college, he dated a woman,
named Andrea, whom he described as the love of his life.
Eric looked back fondly on their relationship: “Andrea and I
got along great. We had chemistry. We could talk for hours,
or we could just hang out. We were perfectly comfortable
simply being together...saying almost nothing. We never
seemed to be at a loss for things that we enjoyed doing
together. It stayed this way for over three years.”
It sounds like Eric had found the love of his life, doesn’t it?
They had chemistry. They were able to communicate. They
enjoyed each others’ company. The relationship had shown
staying power by thriving for over three years. It doesn’t get
much better than that.
However, as Eric continued to explain, a problem emerged
shortly after their graduation. Andrea wanted more. She was
interested in “a future” together. The more she wanted to talk
about their future, the more Eric pulled away. Within a year,
had they split up.
Eric lamented, “I have dated a lot of women since then, some
more seriously, most less so. I haven’t found anyone quite like
Andrea. I think I blew it. I think I missed out on a wonderful
woman. I let her get away.”
Unfortunately, Eric’s story is not unique. I wish I could say that
after a break-up, few people look back with regret. It would be
a nice to be able to say few people feel that they passed on
an individual who would have made a great life companion.
I can’t say either of these is true. I’ve heard it recounted
dozens of times. Men and women often realize, almost
always too late, that they let “get away” someone with whom
they could have truly been happy.

GM : 08
Most of us are familiar with studies which report that one’s
age at marriage is inversely related to marital success. In
other words, the earlier one marries, the less likely one will
experience a lifetime of joyful companionship. In light of
such studies, it makes sense to hesitate when it comes to
marriage. This type of logic leads us to believe that the longer
we wait, the better off we are.
However, it is interesting to note that this only applies
for individuals up to approximately the age of 22 years.
Marriages begun before the vow-takers are 22 years old, see
the probability of their marital success drop drastically. On the
other hand, if the marriage license is signed by couples older
than age 22, this is no longer true. In fact, recent evidence
has suggested that the highest quality marriages are found
among those who married between the ages 22 and 25.
Recent evidence has also revealed that couples who wait
until after 30 to marry, risk having to endure undesirable
marriages. Many people over the age of 30 can attest that
as they get older they tend to get set in their ways. This is
one characteristic that is notoriously detrimental to the type
of mutual give-and-take so essential to intimate, loving and
caring relationships.
Obviously, this does not mean that all marriages that occur
after the age of 30 are doomed to fail, or even must expect
mediocrity, but it does suggest that such marriages may
require a modicum of extra energy, effort, and attention.
To be successful, they will probably require an added dose
of give-and-take, as well.
So, what’s the answer to my question, “Why wait?” Given all
this data, it doesn’t appear the mass majority of the dating
world has determined a viable solution. Perhaps to some
the answer has become far too complicated. Could it be
that many think through the decision to the extent that they
confuse even themselves?
It might be that after a while we tend to acquire a pessimistic
attitude which echoes a statement the author of Ecclesiastes
once made, “while I was still searching, but not finding—I
found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright
woman among them all” (Eccl.7:28). Although this passage
is about a search for moral character rather than a suitable
spouse, it captures a sentiment which can snowball during
the dating process. We can easily start to believe that our
searching will end in vain, and we don’t have a chance at
enjoying the blessings which come from a strong, loving
matrimonial bond.
Perhaps sometimes as men, we have expectations which are
not realistic. Our ideal concept of a wife could be so close to
perfection that she doesn’t actually exist. If this happens to
be the case, perhaps a simpler approach is worth considering.
If a woman has the desire to marry and has proven to be
a wonderful traveling companion along this journey we call
life then why not seize the opportunity? Why not marry the
woman and “make it official”? While it is not wise to enter
into marriage brashly or spontaneously, neither should we
avoid it on a foolish search for the perfect woman. Take all
the time needed to make a sound decision, but realize some
opportunities don’t last forever, and some don’t come
around again.

John R. Buri, Ph.D., is a professor of Psychology at the University of St. Thomas in Saint Paul, Minnesota.
He is the author of the book How To Love Your Wife. He also has published over 75 articles, questionnaires
and professional papers. John has spent 20+ years working with couples and has extensive experience doing
marriage prep and marriage enrichment with groups in the upper Midwest.

This article was reprinted with permission from “Love Bytes: Insights on Our Deepest Desire”, a blog of PsychologyToday.com

GM : 09
 PAY
MORE
GET

PEST CONTROL FOR YOUR SINS

BY ROB BEAMES

Americans tend to complain every time we fill up our tanks

with approximately the same amount of gasoline at an
increasingly inflated price. As full-fledged capitalists, we
object when we bring home a smaller container of ice cream
for roughly the same price as in the past. As citizens of a
beloved free enterprise, we may even fuss when we pay six
dollars for the same box of Girl Scout cookies, which used to
cost only three. It goes against our grain to pay a higher price
for a perceived lower return on each dollar spent. We expect
to “get what we paid for,” and when we don’t, we are
naturally disappointed.

Advertising companies leverage these values with slogans like

“25% More Free!” Some of us may have even fallen prey for
this line: “More taste! Less filling!” This type of advertisement
campaign is successful because it appeals to our desire to
get more by sacrificing less. Wouldn’t we find it ridiculous if an
advertisement asked us to pay more for less? Who would buy
that product? Amazingly, sin has been successfully running this
campaign on us since the dawn of time.

Each time we sin, we give up more of ourselves and get less

in return. Each time we go to that forbidden place there is
a higher spiritual cover charge required to enter. Any drug
pusher understands this concept. In the beginning, they give
away free samples to build an addicted clientele. As drug use
continues, the user needs a greater amount to achieve the
same high.

GM : 10
Here’s where the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility comes
in. Simply put, the more we experience something, the less
enjoyment we actually acquire from it. For example, when we
first discover a food we really like, we get an incredible sense
of pleasure out of it. We can’t wait to return to that restaurant,
so we can have that same taste sensation again. After a while
that same food doesn’t provide the same level of gratification it
did the first few times we ordered it. If we continue to order the
same menu item too often, we may even grow tired of it and
want something else. We have to keep adding the cayenne
pepper in order to get a spicier meatball with the same kick.
We find ourselves having to take more and more risks in order
to get the same thrill.
It works in a similar way with our sin. By providing high thrills,
exciting experiences or high gratification in the beginning, we
already begin to long to do it again. But each time we sin, we
get less from it. Whether it involves a certain control, thrill or
pleasure, we immediately begin receiving a diminishing return
as soon as we sin. The next time we will have to “up the ante”
to get back the same level of perceived return we got in the
beginning.
It can be an eye-opening experience to realize the next time
we sin in a particular way, the less we are going to enjoy
it. We know we’re not supposed to enjoy sin, but as we’ve
previously discussed, we wouldn’t be tempted by sin if it
wasn’t attractive (see “Pest Control for Sins, Part 1” in the
May 2010 issue). Recognizing diminishing utility is more than
a mere mental trick, but rather a way to focus on the reality
of the way things work. Of course, as we grow in Christ, and
draw closer to the Lord, the Holy Spirit steadily removes our
ability to actually enjoy sin. Still, it’s helpful to realize this rule
is at work everywhere we turn, including the spiritual realm,
and especially regarding the sins we commit.
This same principal explains why video games have
progressively challenging new levels. Game designers
know they have to keep us from becoming bored too easily.
Similarly, when we first buy a new car, we are so impressed
with its new gadgets, we feel it was worth every dollar.
However, before the new car smell wears off, most of us find it
has become common and outdated. The principal boils down
to this: We continue to want more, so we give more, but we
get less in return.
We can reap significant benefits by becoming acutely aware
of this attack strategy. Simply acknowledging its existence can
help us become more resistant to the luring power of sin over
us. Consider it a preventive war strategy. As in past battles,
armies would put up obstacles, such as barbed wire, so that
the enemy wouldn’t get a straight shot at them. In a similar
fashion, knowing from which direction the assault is coming,
we can keep the enemy from having a direct spiritual line of
fire on us.
“As we grow in Christ, and draw closer to the Lord,
the Holy Spirit steadily removes our ability to
actually enjoy sin.”
Additionally, we can turn this law into an effective weapon—in
our favor—as we fight against our sin. We see the same rule
at work, in the reverse, as we resist the temptation to sin. This
means we can actually gain a little control back each time
we do not give into temptation to sin. Those seemingly small
victories really do mean something! It comes down to a battle
for spiritual territory.
So, as we pray and ask God to grant us power over our sin,
remember that sin is an undesirable and dangerous pathway
with which we will inevitably be more and more disappointed
as we travel down it. It can be an effective deterrent to
understand that by sinning we increasingly give up more of
what God intends us to be in Christ, and in exchange, receive
increasingly less of what we mistakenly thought we desired
all along. To state the obvious: sin is not the answer. In the
end, only our loving God can provide us with the happiness,
contentment and peace for which we long. He’s already
provided these things without the risks, destructive aspects or
pain, which inevitably come from sin. It’s yet another reason to
call on God for our rescue, while we continue fighting our sin
until we breathe our last breath.
GM : 11
 OF THE

LAW
CORNERED BY GRACE
BY ROB BEAMES

I t must be nice to be a highway patrol officer and always be so popular. Simply by entering a major
highway, they cause all the other cars to gather around them. It appears that drivers everywhere want
to be as close to them as they possibly can—without passing. As soon as we see a patrol car, we slam on
our breaks, so we can drive right along side them. Yet, we don’t stay close to patrol vehicles because we
are attracted to them in some way. The real reason we stick so close is to go as fast as we can without
getting a speeding ticket.

Nothing out of the ordinary, I know. However, on my way to work a while back, I saw something really
amazing. I merged onto the interstate and looked over my shoulder only to see a familiar gold-colored
car, driven by a man wearing a wide-brimmed, black hat. So I joined his followers a safe distance behind
the officer hoping he would take the next exit. We drove in a swarm at exactly 54 mph. Suddenly, a car
(driven by someone obviously more desperate to get to work than I) sped past me. I watched as this car
raced up directly behind the officer, and kept pace, surrounded by the throng of cautious drivers. The
officer changed lanes and let the car pass him, only to flash his lights and pull it over to the side of the
road. I couldn’t believe my eyes! It appeared the officer had pulled someone over for following too closely
behind him. I couldn’t help but cheer on the officer. I have often wished that someone would get a ticket
for bumper-riding—one of my biggest pet peeves (which I admit to doing when absolutely necessary.
Oh, and before I reached the office, I repented for taking joy in the mishap of others.)

GM : 12
Maybe it’s not a direct correlation, but isn’t this how
we sometimes view God’s law? When gazing right
at the law in front of us, do we “hit the breaks,”
so to speak, in order to make it look like we’ve been
observing it all along? Do we come right up along side
the law and keep pace with it, as if to demonstrate
that His law is our heart’s desire? In realty, most of
us really wish God’s law would take the next exit and
get off the road. When the law pulls someone over
with flashing red lights, do we cheer—at least in our
hearts—believing justice was served by making the
roads safer for everyone else?
In the third chapter of Galatians, the Apostle Paul
seems to view God’s law as having an entirely different
purpose. First, he explains a couple things the law
did not do: it did not invalidate a covenant previously
established by God, nor did it nullify the promise of a
loving relationship with God through His Spirit. Then,
Paul tells us the precise purpose of the law in verse
23, saying, “So the law was put in charge to lead us
to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that
faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision
of the law” (Galatians 3:23).
The word from the original language translated as
“put in charge,” can be translated as “acting as a
tutor,” and refers to a personal slave who served as a
babysitter to a freeborn child. With this verse we see
that the main purpose of the law is to lead us to Jesus,
who fulfilled the law perfectly, rather than to chastise
us due to our inability to fulfill the law ourselves.
Its role is to drive us away from ourselves, even away
from the strict letter of the law itself, and toward the
person of Jesus Christ, so that we might be justified by
faith. Now that we have faith in Christ, we no longer
need the law to act as a babysitter to watch over us.
We are redeemed by our faith in the way Jesus fulfilled
the law, not by the law, itself.
Does this mean the law is no longer a rule for our
lives? On the contrary, we now must keep an even
higher law which comes from the heart, is guided by
love and is empowered by the Spirit of Christ—even
when we don’t see a spiritual state trooper on the
road. For example, the law instructed us not to kill,
but since we have been loved by God (even though
we deserve His hate), He demands that we love others
from our heart. Paul confirms this in Romans 13:10,
saying, “Love is the fulfillment of the law.” No, we
cannot disregard the law; in fact, we have an added
responsibility to deeply respect it, not just with an
outward appearance of compliance, but with our
hearts out of love for God and for others. This is a
more difficult thing to do and we cannot succeed
without the help of His Holy Spirit.
“We now must keep an even higher law which comes
from the heart, is guided by love and is empowered
by the Spirit of Christ”
From the perspective of our sin nature, we have a
distorted view of the law. We might think of it like
the “long arm of the law” used to be in old western
movies. The bad guy could run, but he could not
hide. In this context, we feel doomed to get what is
coming to us. Perhaps, without faith in Christ, that‘s
an appropriate concept. However, for those of us who
trust in Christ alone, it might be more beneficial to
think of God’s law like the “stiff arm” of a running
back on a football team. As a ball carrier often sticks
his arm out to keep away a potential tackler, so God’s
law could be seen as “stiff arming” us. Since it is a
pointless endeavor to try to tackle God’s law ourselves,
His law pushes us to Christ, so we can fall at His feet
of grace. In this humble state, we start to obey, not
out of a fear of punishment, but out of a heart that
is free to pursue righteousness because of our love
for Him alone. (I believe He wanted me to remind you
of this!)
LOVE IS THE
FULFILLMENT
OF THE LAW.
GM : 13
BROKEN
MIRRORS
PRESS ON

BY WILL DOLE
WHY ARE WE HERE? WHAT IS OUR PURPOSE?
Blaise Pascal said, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every
man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the
Creator, made known through Jesus.” Even if we believe this, our search for
significance is often misguided by ego, seeking to fill our vacuum with our
wants and desires.

GM : 14
 “MAN’S PRIMARY
AND ENJOY HIM
Not only is an ego-based search not Biblical, we know
from experience it just doesn’t work—nothing actually
fills our emptiness. We can drink all we want, and only
find the bottom of the bottle. We can sleep with every
woman we may desire, and still feel lonely. We can make
all the money we could possibly want, but it will never be
enough. We can even work with all our might to please
God, yet in the end it will not bring us any closer to
finding our purpose.
“GOD DESIGNED US TO REFLECT HIS
NATURE, BUT WHEN WE CHOOSE TO
SIN WE SHATTER THAT MIRROR.”
These strategies fail because they are based on the
faulty premise that we need to strive for our own
fulfillment. Sadly, a lot of Christians buy into this notion,
evidenced by the many Christian self-help books on how
to have the best life or be a better person. Isn’t this just
a variation on the theme of an ego-based search for
purpose? A Bible-based search for purpose is antithetical
to such approaches in that we must conclude that our
lives are not, primarily, about us.
In his introduction to the book of Genesis in The
Message, Eugene Peterson puts it this way: “First, God.
God is the subject of life. God is foundational for living.
If we don’t sense the primacy of God, we will never
get it right, get life right, get our lives right. Not God
in the margins; not God as an option; not God on the
weekends. God at the center and circumference; God
first and last; God, God, God.”
So what about us? Where do we fit in with “God, God,
God”? The Westminster Shorter Catechism in Modern
English replies: “Man’s primary purpose is to glorify God,
and enjoy Him forever.” God made us to bring Him glory,
and consequently, we reap the benefits of doing so.
PURPOSE IS TO
GLORIFY GOD,
FOREVER.”
God created many astonishing things to glorify Him in
amazing ways—ants that can lift many times their own
weight, animals that can change color to match their
surroundings. These creatures boggle the mind! After
each act of creation, God said His work was “good.”
However, He declared His creation of man to be “very
good.” We are not just another one of God’s impressive
creatures, but as the pinnacle of His creation, we actually
bear something more: the very image of God!
(Gen. 1:26, 27)
God made each of us to reflect Him in all that we do—
like a mirror reflects an image. As His image bearer,
we have been given far more value than anything else
in creation. And yet, we largely are not fulfilling our
purpose of mirroring the character of God. Why?
It goes back to that fateful day Adam ate the fruit of the
tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God designed
us to reflect His nature, but when we choose to sin
we shatter that mirror. In our fallen state we lack the
understanding of what we are supposed to be reflecting.
Our efforts to piece the mirror back together amount to
nothing. Until we look to Jesus for our salvation alone,
we will continue to sin, continue to fail, and continue to
be shattered in every sense of the word.
This is not the bad news it seems to be. In 1 Peter 2:24
we are told that, “He Himself bore our sins in His body
on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for
righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed.”
So we see that Jesus Christ died for us not primarily so
we could go to church on Sunday, listen to a preacher,
and feel eternally safe—although we can certainly do
those things—rather He died to make us a people who
are His very own. With an intense love for the unlovable,
Jesus purchased us in order to piece our broken mirrors
back together. As we radiate His glory, we will find our
purpose. In the process of fulfilling our true purpose—
rather than looking for our own fulfillment—we will find
everlasting joy!
GM : 15
THE
TOOL
DIRTY DUCKS UNLIMITED by JEFFREY BRIDGMAN
& OTHER ALTERNATIVES TO DISNEYLAND
BOX
The following is a random, fictional conversation which
very well could take place anywhere in the country this
month between two average guys.
JEFF: Here we are in the middle of summer, again! What
have you been doing so far?
BOB: Working again at (insert boring retail or fast food
restaurant here).
JEFF: (After gasping with horror and dread, following
a slight pause) I know! You should totally volunteer
somewhere (giving a dorky thumbs-up)!
Dreading another boring summer? Consider a vacation
with a purpose—volunteering. Rather than using your
time off to go camping or to some lame theme park,
you could be having the kind of adventures you watch
on the Travel or Discovery channel, all for a good
cause. Volunteering vacations can also be a wonderful
way to do something related to your career interests.
For instance, if you’re interested in helping third-world
countries develop sustainable infrastructure, you could
find a project that offers hands-on experience in this
area, which, in turn, could help you decide if you really
want to commit to this line of work.
How Far Do You Want to Take This?
Volunteering vacations are available as close as your
home state and as far away as Timbuktu. If you’re
thinking about going abroad, a great place to start in
finding a volunteering vacation is VolunteerAbroad.
com, a searchable database of projects in almost every
country and type of work imaginable. Their sister site,
goabroad.com, also has many useful bits of travel
information, as well as search fields for other “going
abroad” options, such as studying or teaching.
Wait, I have to pay?
I said volunteering vacation, not free vacation. Yes,
most programs have a cost associated with them, but in
essence you are making a donation to a good cause.
Most organizations that offer volunteering vacations are
charities, and so the costs of your trip might even be
tax-deductible. Many places also provide help with fund-
raising. If the volunteer activity is religious in nature,
consider it a mission trip and ask your church family to
help out.
Speaking of church families, how about contacting the
local missionaries that your church supports to see if
you can spend some time helping them? Think how
exciting it would be to spend a month in Japan helping
with missions, with your own personal tour guides. It’s
a great way to learn about a foreign culture, do some
sightseeing and help reach people for Christ.
Closer to Home
Want some time in the great outdoors? Volunteer with a
state or national park. The U.S. National Park Service
uses volunteers to clear trails, guide tours, do historical
reenactments dressed in period clothes and lots of other
essential park functions. Search by state or park to learn
more at www.nps.gov. The American Hiking Society
offers opportunities to work on trails and facilities in
national rivers, forests and wildernesses. And there
are tons of other options that a thorough search on
“volunteer vacations” will turn up.
Dirty Duck Call
But if you want to go where you’re really needed right
now, get yourself to the Gulf of Mexico! Check out
How You Can Volunteer to Clean Up the Gulf of Mexico
Oil Spill & Register for a Green Job Now where you’ll
find direct links to coordinated efforts by Audubon,
Sierra Club, National Wildlife Federation and others.
Jobs range from food prep for all the other workers, to
nitty-gritty stuff like cleaning oil off of birds. It’s work,
no doubt, but wouldn’t it be cool to have a part in the
clean up of the worst oil spill in history? Sounds more
meaningful than breakfast with Mickey.
GM : 16