INTEGRATING CONCEPTS

Integrating Concepts
Monica Lawson
Western Washington University
NURS 305 Social Justice
Beth Madison
October 24th 2016
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My Personal Narrative

When I was fourteen my Mother decided to go back to school to get her bachelors

degree. She picked a study abroad program through Long Island University. I remember

chuckling at the name because it was so her. It was called Friends World Program. Next thing I

knew we had moved to Costa Rica and I was flung into a foreign world. My Father was part

Colombian but he was never taught Spanish which meant that his children never learned as well.

Many times people would come up to me assuming I was from Costa Rica because I looked

Latina but would soon be disappointed to find I didnt even know how to say I dont speak

Spanish in Spanish. However, I learned Spanish quickly and soon after began translating for my

Mom.

The Panama field trip in particular I remember vividly. We were on our way back from

visiting some islands off of Panama. That included a four hour canoe ride and a two hour bus

ride where we had to stand for a good portion of the trip. We finally got to the border when my

Mother realized she had lost our passports. This was ironic to me because I had begged her

during the entire trip to let me hold them because she had already misplaced them twice. Are

you serious Mom?! I remember saying in a tired voice. She alerted her professor who gave us

our options. Choice one was to make our way to the American Embassy in Panama alone. This

was particularly scary because my Mom had run out of money so this involved possibly sleeping

on the steps of the embassy. Choice two was to sneak across the border with the group of

students we had come in with and hope we didnt get caught. I remember thinking I wonder if I

will ever make it home.

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We waited outside the office where the students were getting their passports stamped. It

would have been hard for them to keep track of who got stamped because we were such a large

group. Together we made our way across the bridge. This bridge was over a river and it was

made of wood. There were parts missing from it so I had to be careful where I stepped so as not

to fall in. There were guards with machine guns walking along this bridge. A few of them

escorted us to the other side. I remember trying to make myself relax like I was meant to be

there. We got on the bus that was waiting for us at the other end of the bridge. This is it! I

thought We made it! the bus started to drive away. Then the bus immediately came to a stop.

Soldiers with machine guns got on the bus. My heart started to race. They were checking random

passports. I turned to my Mother and started chatting with her casually in Spanish. She nodded

pretending to understand. The soldiers were a few seats ahead of us. I remembered they gazed

suspiciously at a foreign looking couple. They demanded to check their passports. After

examining the documents for an intense few seconds, which seemed like minutes they whisked

them off the bus. Then the bus started back up and we left Panama. Oh my God, I thought we

were done for when the soldiers got on the bus! my Mother said excitedly. I am holding the

passports from now on Mom I muttered unenthused. Agreed She said. Our passports were

never misplaced again. I chose this story because it high lights a very real narrative from my

childhood that I had to grow up fast because there was no other alternative.

Sociocultural Context

Living in Hawaii I was rather isolated from my community because I was home schooled

and not allowed to socialize very much. I had never really felt like I fit in anywhere because

while I could be partially mistaken for half white half Hawaiian I didnt speak pigeon which
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labeled me a Haole (Hawaiian slang for white person can also be used for anyone not

native to Hawaii). However, I never fully felt accept by white people either because in the

sun I became very brown. I got asked questions a lot like are you Mexican? or what are

you? When I was abroad I was taken away from everything I knew yet strangely I felt

accepted. People automatically believed I belonged there. The feeling that I needed to belong

and connect with some kind of culture drove me to study Spanish vigorously. We were low

income but my mother was able to qualify for a bunch of student loans which gave me the

impression were living beyond our means when we were abroad. However, in going abroad

I learned what real poverty was and considered myself much better off. It was good to get

that perspective. I felt guilty that while many of families were struggling to put food on the

table here I was an American that was given more of the necessities of life some might say

quite easily. This guilt has caused my compassion for the less fortunate and the down

trodden. This has affected the vision I have for the future of my career.

Phases of Life

I was fourteen when I moved to Costa Rica and visited Panama. I was struggling with

wanting to be as independent as possible but also needing an adult around. I struggled

between wanting to fit in with the college students which were closer to my age and forming

my own identity. I was accepted to a certain degree by them but I was always kept at a

distance. After all these were eighteen-year-olds trying to form their own identities and

wanted to be looked at as adults not teenagers.

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Visibility and Invisibility

I was invisible in my neighborhood. I kept a low profile so as not to be the victim of a

hate crime. This changed somewhat when I moved to San Jose. Being in a big city and only

fourteen I tried to continue to keep a low profile depending on where I was in the country. I was

still getting used to how women were treated in Latin America. I was going through puberty

which suddenly made me visible to the opposite sex. I was noticed by a lot of men. This was

very scary and exciting. On the one hand, it was nice to suddenly be noticed but on the other it

was overwhelming and scary how aggressive the men sometimes were. I remember one of the

scariest part being that age difference didnt matter as much to people in Costa Rica. I was very

nervous that there were experienced men in their 20s pursuing me.

Context and Temporality

I am the youngest of five children. There is quite an age gap between me and my siblings.

The youngest sibling is 6 years older than me. During my childhood, my two older sisters

and I formed a bond that shielded us from the rest of the dysfunctional workings of my

family. When I was taken to Costa Rica I was ripped away from that protective bond. I was

forced to form a sort of bond with my Mother that I had not had before. Eventually some of

the older college students accepted my Mother and I and we had our own little community. I

think that because so much of my life I felt unprotected I tend to feel envy and maybe even a

little bitter towards people that have received protection or financial assistance from their

parents.
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Who I am as a Nurse and Application to Practice

The experiences I had in Costa Rica and Panama opened my eyes to real poverty and the

real physical dangers in the world. I am still developing who I am as a nurse. It will always

be a work in progress. I know I want to make big changes for the better but I am not entirely

sure how I intend to do that yet. I want to advocate for the under dogs for those whose voices

are not heard. Due to my experience abroad, I have a lot more compassion for economically

disadvantaged as well as the homeless. The homeless are ignored and invisible in our society.

Many times, people walking by wont even make eye contact with a homeless person. I

identify with that feeling of complete helplessness and invisibility. I felt completely ignored

as a child and young adult by both society and my parents. I had no voice. When I approach

patients, I do my best to put myself in their shoes and do what I can to help them. This

experience, along with many others, has shaped my identity as both a nurse and a person.