Alyssa Winn 2/23/2017 FHS 2400 Marriage and Family U3E2: What is

Romantic?

Question:
Interview three people of different ages. Ask them to describe the most romantic event they ever
had. Ask them to explain what made the moment so romantically memorable. Compare and
contrast the similarities and differences in their answers. As the last part, describe your own most
romantic moment.

Answer: Word Count: 660

I interviewed four individuals: Woman A is 25YO and married, Woman B is 26YO and

married, Man A is 27YO and in a long-term homosexual relationship, Man B is 29YO and

married. Both women described their most memorable, romantic event as the day their

husbands proposed because their husbands had recognized what each woman valued most and

tailored the experience just for her. Woman B is very reserved and avoids being the center of

attention so the fact that her husband toned down his gregarious personality in favor of an

intimate setting for the proposal was extremely romantic. Woman As husband is has traditional

instrumental traits and is rarely emotional so when he was expressive and declared his feelings

during the proposal it was significant step in their relationship, bringing the couple closer

together. Each partner demonstrated it differently but their ability to recognize what would make

the woman feel valued, and special is what made the moment so distinctly romantic.

In contrast the men that I interviewed described their most romantic event as less

expressive, instead it was more about how their partner shared their time, gave acts of service or

through physical touch. For example, Man A described his most romantic moments with his

partner were spent when the couple took a cross-country road trip to visit family. While he was

initially hesitant to be isolated with his significant other, the lack of distractions truly allowed

them to focus on other another without distractions. Man Bs definition of romantic was more
about the valuing the small, intimate moments where he felt connected to his spouse. Using his

definition, he described the most intimate moment where felt admiration for and was intimate

with his wife was during the birth of his two children. He is the only parent that I interviewed, so

his answer could be more similar to other parents if I had the opportunity to interview more.

While I do think personalities are influenced by the individuals environment, I did

identify in my interviews, how the text describes differences in how each gender shows

affection. Similarly described in the section Gender and Love, both women cherished moments

where their partner was verbally expressive about his feelings, but the men say the quality in the

relationship from how the time was spent (Strong, 2014 pp.153). I also made the connection as I

was interviewing each individual; they each had some combination of Gary Chapmans five love

languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch

(Chapman, 2015). Each interviewee described their most romantic moment when their partner

went out of their way to speak in the interviewees love language. It was during those moments

they shared the most intimacy.

Early in our marriage my husband and I were challenged to read several counsels on

marriage which eventually led us to learn about the five love languages. Learning what our

prototypes of love were, and what our expectation of how love should be shown dramatically

changed our relationship. Not only did we now know what romantic gestures would be more

significant and personalized to one another, it also highlighted the areas each of us was sensitive

about. How I think about my own most romantic moments has changed as my relationship with

my husband has evolved. I do still admire grand gestures but I am more appreciative of how he

consistently puts my needs above his own with small acts of service or small verbal reminders of

his love. I think just realizing how much more value I place in the support that he gives me
illustrates that our love has developed from a passionate to a deeper, more intimate companionate

love (Strong, 2014 pp.159). I do believe that my willingness to communicate with my spouse has

allowed us to share our expectations, needs and wants so that our relationship can, although its

still not without challenges, be more fulfilling to both of us.

References:
Chapman, G. D. (2015). The 5 love languages. Chicago: Northfield Pub.
Strong, Bryan & Cohen, Theodore F. (2014) The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate
relationships in a changing society (12th ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.