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I am a real human woman, and, yes, I have actual

male friends
By Alyssa Rosenberg - April 5 at 9:26 AM

Two men happy and laughing together while on a drive. Because no man and woman could possibly have
this good a time together without being destroyed by the sexual tension. (iStock)

After Americans spent a week freaking out over the 15-year-old news that Vice
President Pence takes certain old-fashioned-sounding precautions to defend his
marriage, somethings come along that actually deserves the outrage weve all
been limbered up to express. The Federalist has published a piece by a
Lutheran pastor named Hans Fiene purporting to explain Why Men and
Women Can Never Be Just Friends. Fiene has said that only about 40
percent of the article was sincere, meaning that 60 percent of it is sub-Onion-
quality satire. No matter what 40 percent of the piece he meant, though, Fienes
argument is still hopelessly dumb (among other things, it appears to discount
the existence of people who are not heterosexual). Apparently, women are
cruelly making friendships with men whose children they dont intend to bear,
while deluding themselves about the evil were doing by convincing ourselves
that these friendships are genuine.

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As a woman with a lot of male friends, none of whom appear to be desperately

pining over me, putting their entire lives on hold in case I suddenly discover that
they are my true loves, Fienes piece seemed not just patently absurd, but also
to express an incredibly depressing worldview. Let me go through the lines that
made me saddest.

Being caught in the Friend Zone is an inarguable drag on fertility rates, as a

man who spends several years pledging his heart to a woman who will never
have his children is also a man who most likely wont procreate with anyone
else during that time of incarceration.

Its amazing how this sort of analysis always ends up implying that men are
hapless dummies incapable of complex social interactions or finding alternate
ways to pursue their goals if one approach fails. I guess I wouldnt have any
male friends if I assumed they were all too clueless to read social signals,
analyze emotional situations with any sort of sophistication, or manage their
own emotions. That might get me accused of being a condescending jerk who
underestimates half the planet. But that could just be me.

By friends, I dont mean acquaintances or chummy colleagues you only see at

work, or friends of friends that you dont get together with outside of a group
setting, or what I call buffer-zone friendspeople of the opposite sex you can
be friends with because there is a significant other in between to take the
romantic element out of the equation. Rather, by friend I mean someone you
deliberately choose to spend one-on-one time with.

This is going to sound totally wild, but what if people who had significant
others also spent time with other people socially one-on-one? And what if the
people they were married to, and the people they were spending time with one-
on-one, were also of the same gender? To get really revolutionary, what if a
married person spent time with a friend one-on-one, and socialized as a couple
with their spouse, their friend, and their friends spouse?

This is brave of me, but I am standing here before you today, a real-life human
woman, and saying that I in fact do all of these things regularly. In fewer than

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two minutes, I came up with a list of 10 men whom I hang out with one-on-one,
and whom my husband and I also see along with their wives. One of them
introduced me to my husband. Another one officiated at our wedding. A third is
coming over to our house with his wife and baby daughter for dinner this
weekend. These arent buffer-zone friends, in that they arent peripheral to my
life. Theyre important to me. Theyre also friends with my husband. So many
things can be true simultaneously!

Imagine that friendship is a good that people acquire in exchange for the
currency of their time. The average man lives in a competitive friendship market
where some forms of friendship appeal to him more than others and therefore
get his business.

If I saw life this way, I think I would have cast myself into the sea years ago.

If you are a lady who believes your dude friends are genuinely just friends, ask
yourself this: Which of these things are you better at giving a man than another
man is? The answer is clear. None of them. You are not especially good at liking
Karate Ninja 7: Exploding Hands of Fury, or informing the offensive line of the
Chicago Bears, via your Samsung, that they are all false starting idiots.

Given that I am a professional critic, I am actually much better than some

available men at liking movies where things explode. In fact, I am outstanding
at discussing them at great length, and often do so with the male critics who are
not my husband with whom I regularly have dinner before or drinks after said
press screenings. As an additional asset, as a critic who writes about the
political significance of pop culture, I am highly skilled not merely in enjoying
cultural depictions of exploding things but also in making people feel like their
guilty pleasures are anything but. With regard to my ability to talk about sports, I
offer as references the men with whom I played fantasy football for several
years, who got to enjoy my elaborate and macabre theories about how Bill
Belichick motivates the New England Patriots.

But because God designed these virtues to entice men into marriage, the
average man will never be content to receive those gifts in a form of

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companionship that doesnt lead to marriage. Quite simply, men cant be at

peace being just friends.

Again, not to go completely out on a limb with another proposition, but riddle me
this: What if a man could get enticed to marriage by another woman, leaving
him free to pursue other forms of companionship with both men and women?
Just putting it out there. Life is long. The world is big and full of interesting
people. Its a shame to deprive yourself of half of your potential friends just
because of their gender.

1Artculo extrado de https://www.washingtonpost.com/

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Trump Gives Military New Freedom. But With

That Comes Danger
By Helene Cooper - April 5, 2017

WASHINGTON
President Trump has let
the military know that
the buck stops with
them, not him. The
Pentagon, after eight
years of chafing at what
many generals viewed
as micromanaging from
the Obama White
Defense Secretary Jim Mattis will have more independence in
House, is so far decision-making on military matters under President Trump than
his predecessors had under President Barack Obama.(CreditCliff
embracing its new Owen/Associated Press)

freedom.

Officials say that much of Defense Secretary Jim Mattiss plan to defeat the
Islamic State, which Mr. Mattis delivered to the White House in February but
has yet to make public, consists of proposals for speeding up decision-making
to allow the military to move more quickly on raids, airstrikes, bombing missions
and arming allies in Iraq, Syria and elsewhere. Commanders argue that
loosening restrictions as Mr. Trump has already done for American
operations in much of Somalia and parts of Yemen could lead to a faster
defeat of Islamic State militants in not only the Middle East but also the Horn of
Africa.

Yet with the new freedoms come new dangers for the military, including the
potential of increased civilian casualties, and the possibility that Mr. Trump will
shunt blame for things that go wrong to the Pentagon. Mr. Trump already did
that after the botched raid in Yemen in January, which led to the death of Chief
Petty Officer William Owens, a member of the Navy SEALs known as Ryan,
despite having signed off on that raid himself.

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They explained what they wanted to do, the generals, who are very respected,
Mr. Trump told Fox News after the raid. And they lost Ryan.

Beyond that, many foreign policy experts point out that giving the military
freedom over short-term tactics like raids and strikes means little without a long-
term strategy for the region, including what will happen after the Islamic State is
routed, as the Pentagon expects, from Iraq and Syria.

Moving decision-making on small tactical issues from the White House to

commanders in the field is positive, but commanders autonomy doesnt help
accomplish strategic goals, said Jon B. Alterman, director of the Middle East
Program for the Center for Strategic and International Studies.

During the Obama administration, the military had to follow standards set by the
president in 2013 to carry out airstrikes or ground raids in countries like
Somalia, where the United States was not officially at war. Those rules required
that a target had to pose a threat to Americans and that there be near certainty
that no civilian bystanders would die. Under the Trump administrations new
rules, some civilian deaths are now permitted in much of Somalia and parts of
Yemen if regional American commanders deemed the military action necessary
and proportionate.

The Obama administration process frustrated many in the military.

First there was the initial proposal from the Pentagon. From there it went to a
policy coordinating committee, composed of lower-level officials from the
Pentagon, State Department and White House, who reviewed the proposals
every aspect. Defense officials likened the process to a subcommittee review of
a bill on Capitol Hill.

If the proposal cleared the policy committee, it then went to the National
Security Councils deputies committee, composed of middle-level White House,
State Department and Pentagon staff members, who in turn decided if they
would kick it up to their cabinet-level bosses, among them President Barack
Obamas national security adviser, Susan E. Rice, who often sent proposals
back with multiple questions.

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Finally, the full National Security Council with the president in attendance
met on the proposal. At that point, Mr. Obama often had his own questions to
ask.

We had limiting principles that applied to everything, recalled Ben Rhodes, Mr.
Obamas deputy national security adviser. What were the risks to civilians on
the ground? American service members? Overall national security interests?

Sometimes the arguments over proposed military strikes went in circles. Derek
Chollet, an assistant defense secretary during the Obama administration,
recalled the debate about whether to provide lethal or nonlethal aid to the
Ukrainian military after Russia annexed Crimea in 2014. Wary of signaling a
deeper American commitment to the war effort in Ukraine, which would most
likely be viewed as a hostile move by Russia, the administration, after extended
debate, decided it would send only nonlethal aid clothes, food, medicine
to the Ukrainian military.

Officials even made sure not to send the aid in American military planes, for fear
that television coverage of the planes landing at the airport in Kiev would be
escalatory, Mr. Chollet recalled.

There was endless deliberation, he said in an interview. Then, lo and behold,

at the Kiev airport, there were two gigantic U.S. Air Force C-17s an easily
recognizable American military transport aircraft on hand for a trip to plan an
upcoming visit by Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., making a mockery of all
the careful planning.

Fast forward to now. In the Trump administration, so far there have been few, if
any, meetings of the policy coordinating committee, in large part because there
are still vacancies across the government. Lt. Gen. H. R. McMaster, the national
security adviser, is still building up his staff after Mr. Trumps first national
security adviser, Michael T. Flynn, was fired in February. In the Eisenhower
Executive Office Building, home to the National Security Council staff, it remains
eerily quiet, and many nameplates next to office doors are empty.

Sheik Jamal al-Dhari, leader of the Iraqi Sunni tribe al-Zoba, said on Tuesday in
Washington that he had been in the city for 10 days but had not been able to
meet with anyone in the Trump administration to talk about what will happen in

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Iraq after the fight against the Islamic State is over. So he has focused his trip
on visiting House and Senate leaders on Capitol Hill. Obviously it would be
better to have meetings with the N.S.C., he told reporters. But maybe during
my next visit.

In the meantime, General McMaster, a former military commander in both Iraq

and Afghanistan, has indicated that he wants to push more decision-making
authority to the Pentagon, although associates say he understands the limits
and perils of military force.

Adm. James G. Stavridis, a former NATO commander who is now retired from
the military, said it was unclear whether the new Trump rules would be effective.

It is simply too early to make a judgment about whether they will go too far and
end up conducting impulsive operations, or whether they will manage to find the
sweet spot between excessive caution but also following the idea that fortune
so often favors the bold in military operations, he said.

Other analysts say Mr. Trumps new command style is already coming into
focus.

Obama was cautious, he was analytical, he always wanted to see all the sides
of the story before he took any action possibly to a fault, said David
Rothkopf, the chief executive and editor of the Foreign Policy Group and the
author of Running the World: The Inside Story of the National Security Council
and the Architects of American Power.

I think Trump is the opposite of all those things, Mr. Rothkopf said. Also to a
fault.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/05/us/politics/rules-of-engagement-military-force-mattis.html?
ref=politics&_r=0

How to Avoid Stress When Youre Moving

By Jen A. Miller - March 31, 2017

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One night last month, while I was in the midst of moving out of the house where
I had lived for nearly a decade, I found myself trying to make dinner with two
pans, one fork and one knife the only things I had not yet packed that were
useful.

To distract myself from this sorry state, I turned on an episode of Crazy Ex-
Girlfriend and saw a father and son suddenly thrown into moving mode. A
house flipper had knocked on their door and offered them cash to get out ASAP.
But they were shown calmly putting random items into boxes that didnt look as
if they had been salvaged from a grocery or liquor store as were most of my
boxes after which they stopped to have a leisurely heart-to-heart talk.

Thats not how this works, I yelled at my iPad, which was on top of the TV tray
where I would eat while sitting on a paint-splattered folding chair, since I had
just sold my dining-room set on Craigslist.

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The move was one of the most stressful experiences of my life, in part because
of all the moving parts involved I had sold my house much more quickly than
expected and needed to find a rental and storage on short notice but also
because moving isnt something most of us do very often.

Richard S. Citrin, an organizational psychologist and a writer of The Resilience

Advantage, said: We build routines to make things as efficient as we can.
When we move, we do something very foreign to us.

We dont have a routine for hiring a mover. We dont have a routine for how to
pack the dishes or bed linens. We just dont have a routine for upending our
lives.

Moving Checklist

Tips for an easier move.

It all takes a lot of mental and physical energy, and that expenditure of energy
is very exhausting, Mr. Citrin said.

While you probably cant stop the stress that comes from the process, you can
make your move easier and also do your best not to get ripped off by moving
companies.

Time, Energy and Delays

Whether youre paying friends with pizza and a six-pack, or hiring a company to
handle packing and moving, the process still takes time and typically much
more time than you anticipate.

If youre hiring a mover, Scott Michael, president and chief executive of the
American Moving and Storage Association, an industry trade group that offers
advice on its website, Moving.org, suggests calling at least three companies two
months ahead. This gives you enough time to evaluate their estimates,
research them through the Better Business Bureau and look them up on
consumer review websites like Angies List and Yelp.

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Mr. Michael advised looking for a physical address and, if it is a local moving
company, drive by the business. (The Haggler, The New York Times business
column, has delved into hellish moving-related experiences some have had with
companies that exist only on the internet.) You can also search for complaints
against moving companies
on the Department of
Transportation website.

When Amanda Goldman-

Petri and her family moved
from Conroe, Tex., to
Bradenton, Fla., in 2015,
they went through three
movers.
John Shabe and his wife, Tracey Randinelli, with a print by the
cartoonist Walt Kelly, which they found along with leftover
debris when they did the final walk-through of the home they
were buying in South Orange, N.J. (David Handschuh)

The first company gave them a quote and, on moving day, showed up late and
doubled the charge. She fired them. The second left half the familys stuff
behind and sent an invoice for more than the quoted price. We, of course,
refused, Mrs. Goldman-Petri said. They then held our items hostage in a
warehouse.

Mrs. Goldman-Petri then hired a third moving company to pick up their items
from the warehouse. She said they overmeasured (and overcharged), and
broke some items.

She said that if she ever hired movers again, she would check the company on
the Transportation Department website.

Mrs. Goldman-Petri said her family had moved a few times before, but this was
their first move across state lines. We werent educated on the difference
between local versus national movers, so didnt expect it to be an issue, she
said.

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The next time they moved (from their rental into a home they bought last year),
they did it themselves.

Buying, Selling and Setbacks

I thought negotiating a sale price for my house with buyers would be the
toughest part of the process. Not so. My broker and the buyers broker were in
constant contact about everything, from what repairs I would make to whether
or not the buyer wanted to buy any of the furniture in the house.

The author, who sold her house more quickly than she had anticipated, at her rental in Cape May. N.J. She
plans to live there for two months while figuring out her next move. (Marc Steiner)

My broker ended up being a shoulder to lean on, and sometimes to cry on.

Sometimes Realtors have to be psychologists in order to evaluate and

understand their clients situation and react accordingly, said Bill Brown,
president of the National Association of Realtors. So when I sobbed about my
buyers change in financing, my broker knew that I wasnt upset just about that,
but also about this being yet another unexpected bump on the road to selling
the home, one that already included the death of my Jack Russell terrier, Emily.
I had bought the home, in part, so she would have a yard.
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(The financing hiccup involved the buyers deciding to switch from a

conventional mortgage to one through the Federal Housing Administration,
which meant another appraisal. This could have moved back the closing date.
But I had already signed a lease for my next place that started on the scheduled
closing day, which could have meant that Id have to pay both a mortgage and a
lease at the same time. Fortunately, none of the feared upheaval came to pass.)

Anytime you have been living in a place, memories are there, Mr. Brown said,
adding that you should be able to rely on your broker for almost anything during
the process (mine also helped me find a plumber to fix two faucets and a
contractor to replace broken window panes). The only thing a broker should not
give, Mr. Brown said, is legal and accounting advice.

In some places, like where I lived in southern New Jersey, buyers and sellers
dont bring lawyers into the process. In New York City, though, a lawyer will
almost always be involved.

As for the part a lawyer plays in the transaction, Douglas P. Heller, a real estate
lawyer at Herrick, Feinstein in Manhattan, said: For the buyer, the role is to get
what you paid for. For the seller, the role is to make sure nobody can come after
you at the end of the day because you screwed up.

For co-ops, being approved by the board can be another hurdle, Mr. Heller said.
Buyers should seek co-op approval as soon as possible, especially if they want
to close their deal in June, for example, and the board meets only twice a year.

Deals can still be scuttled on the last day or wind up costing someone more
money. When John Shabe and his wife, Tracey Randinelli, did the final walk-
through of the home they were buying in South Orange, N.J., in 2001, the place
was broom swept, but you definitely saw little piles of dirt on the kitchen floor
where they didnt use a dust pan to pick it up, Mr. Shabe said. That was just the
start: they also found food in the refrigerator, rolls of paintings and canvases in
the basement, and oil drums loaded with junk in the garage.

The couple didnt feel as if they could back out of the deal because their things
were already loaded onto the moving truck. We werent going to not move
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because of this, Mr. Shabe said, so they asked for a credit at the closing to pay
for junk removal, which in the end cost double what they expected.

One bright spot: In sorting through what the previous owners left behind, they
found a print by Walt Kelly, the cartoonist of the comic strip Pogo, rolled up
and left behind. They had it appraised and framed, and it still hangs in their
home. (The 2004 appraisal was $300.)

Because my house went into contract just a week after I listed it and the deal
closed in two months, and I was still paralyzed with grief over losing my dog, I
moved most of my stuff into a storage unit, and myself into a furnished, short-
term rental in Cape May, N.J.

After signing what seemed like 10,002 papers to release a home I had loved to
someone else, I got into my old Jeep Wrangler and drove, white-knuckled,
through snow and howling wind to the condo. I dumped my duffel bag and
backpack in the living room and promptly realized that the sheets I brought
didnt fit the supplied bed. I still havent completely unwound, and I havent 100
percent unpacked either Im writing this at a kitchen counter with my laptop
on top of an old dynamite crate that used to hold my paper recycling.

At the end of my two-month lease, Ill have to figure out whats next. At least I
wont have to worry about a buyer changing his financing this time.

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Pepsi Pulls Ad Accused of Trivializing Black Lives

Matter
By Daniel Victor - April 5, 2017

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An image from the YouTube video titled, Pepsi Live For Now Moments Anthem starring Kendall Jenner &
feat. Lions by Skip Marley. (Pepsi Global)

Pepsi has apologized for a controversial advertisement that borrowed imagery

from the Black Lives Matter movement, after a day of intense criticism from
people who said it trivialized the widespread protests against the killings of
black people by the police.

Pepsi was trying to project a global message of unity, peace and

understanding. Clearly, we missed the mark and apologize, the company said
in a statement on Wednesday. We did not intend to make light of any serious
issue. We are pulling the content and halting any further rollout.

The ad, posted to YouTube on Tuesday, shows attractive young people holding
milquetoast signs with nonspecific pleas like Join the conversation. The
protesters are uniformly smiling, laughing, clapping, hugging and high-fiving.

In the ads climactic scene, a police officer accepts a can of Pepsi fromKendall
Jenner, a white woman, setting off raucous approval from the protesters and an
appreciative grin from the officer.

It was, current activists say, precisely the opposite of their real-world experience
of protesting police brutality.

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In torrid criticism after the ad was posted, commentators on social media

accused Pepsi of appropriating imagery from serious protests to sell its product,
while minimizing the danger protesters encounter and the frustration they feel.

Elle Hearns, the executive director of the Marsha P. Johnson Institute and
formerly an organizer for Black Lives Matter, said the ad plays down the
sacrifices people have historically taken in utilizing protests.

No one is finding joy from Pepsi at a protest, she said. Thats just not the
reality of our lives. Thats not what it looks like to take bold action.

In a statement on Tuesday, Pepsi at first said the ad, which was produced by an
in-house studio, captures the spirit and actions of those people that jump in to
every moment.

To many who saw the ad, it was a tone-deaf note. Bernice King, the daughter of
Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, was among those who drew the
connection to past protests.

The image of Ms. Jenner approaching a line of police officers was compared
to a widely shared photo of Ieshia Evans, a black woman who stood firm while
being charged by riot police during a protest against police brutality in Baton
Rouge, La., in July.

It has no relationship to the courage that that woman showed, Ms. Hearns
said, referring to Ms. Evans. That woman standing in the middle of the street
was not trying to be a peacemaker with the police. She was being defiant. She
was actually resisting.

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Ieshia Evans protesting in Baton Rouge in 2016. (Jonathan Bachman)

Pepsi also apologized on Wednesday to Ms. Jenner, a daughter of the

television personalities Kris and Caitlin Jenner, and a half sister to Kim, Khlo
and Kourtney Kardashian. Ms. Jenner has in recent years harnessed her fame
as a reality television star and social media eminence (she has more than 77
million followers on Instagram) to become a top model.

This is not the first time Ms. Jenner, who has been photographed for the cover
of Vogue and is a mainstay on the runways during fashion weeks, has appeared
in a high-profile advertising campaign. She has been featured in print and
television ads for Este Lauder, Marc Jacobs, Calvin Klein and Fendi. The
Pepsi ad plays up the point by having Ms. Jenners character arrive at the
protest straight from what appears to be a fashion photo shoot. In so doing, the
company is positioning Ms. Jenner as a successor to the supermodel Cindy
Crawford, who appeared in a famous Pepsi ad in 1992. (Goals, Ms.
Jenner tweeted last week, with a picture of Ms. Crawford in Pepsi regalia.)

Nor is it the first time Ms. Jenner has, intentionally or not, courted controversy.
In 2015, some observers accused her of cultural appropriation for wearing her
hair in cornrows, a historically black style.

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