Running head: AN UNFINISHED MASTERPIECE 1

An Unfinished Masterpiece

Amanda C. Sayre

Westmont College

Author Note

Amanda C. Sayre, Department of Kinesiology, Westmont College.

Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Amanda C. Sayre,

Department of Kinesiology, Westmont College, Santa Barbara, CA 93108.

E-mail: asayre@westmont.edu
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An Unfinished Masterpiece

Four years have come and gone in the blink of an eye. As I attempt to reflect on four

transforming years, I want to capture memories and moments of profound meaning to paint a

picture that represents four years of growth, struggle and joy. Im sitting here thinking,

professors at a state school would not require us to write a paper like this at the end of college.

Yet, that is the beauty of a liberal arts education, the beauty of Westmont, the beauty of my

experience and I am thankful to have a chance to reflect well on critical years in my life.

Sophomore year was a high period full of optimism and joy, a season of nearness with

God. This was the year I wrote my mission statement. As I reflect, I acknowledge that seasons in

life change and cycle through. Parker Palmer (2000), in his work, Let Your Life Speak, explains

the self and vocation through a metaphor of seasons. In the seasonal metaphor, he explains, seeds

go through an ever-changing process, cycling through the four seasons (p. 95). Our life is

symbolized in those seeds, constantly cycling through different seasons of growth and death. As

I end my time at Westmont, I am in a different season than I was my sophomore year. It is not a

summer season, a steady state of plenty (Parker, 2000, p.106). Ive come down from the high

and seen that life is more complicated than being able to say I will have less insecurity and more

truth in my life in a few years time simply because time has passed. With each passing year, new

revelations are discovered, yet new insecurities may be unearthed or planted as well. There is no

rule that says new insecurities cannot be introduced because Ive admitted I have them.

However, undoing myself and becoming a masterpiece is no less relevant today than it was two

years ago. I am simply an unfinished masterpiece, constantly in the works. I will echo what I said

in my first mission statement, claiming Pauls words to the Church of Ephesus for my own life,

knowing full well we are Gods masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can
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do the good things he planned for us long ago (Ephesians 2:10). Stepping out of Westmont and

into a professional lifestyle will be different to say the least. Yet, Westmont formed me in ways

that will determine how I behave and think in this new dimension of life. Westmont is a part of

me. My mission statement from sophomore year is a part of me.

With graduation approaching, I want to remember what my sophomore self dreamed

about two years ago: I will walk confidently. I will walk confidently across the stage. I will

walk confidently into interviews. I will walk confidently into my office. I will walk confidently

into post-graduate life, knowing I am well prepared for life outside of college.

In crafting a new mission statement, I want to stay true to the masterpiece I have become

while launching myself with a trajectory of growth. In a few years time I want to reflect on my

life and see I am a life-long learner who seeks truth, a woman who hears the quiet voices among

the boisterous group and an individual who pursues the well-being of the whole. May I be

teachable and open-minded, humble and bold. I will walk confidently wherever I find myself

going or staying.

Although I hope to exhibit open-mindedness, this quality of mine was not always my

strong suit before college. However, consistently throughout my time at Westmont, my

paradigms of viewing the world have been challenged, refined and changed. If I entertain the

what-if idea of attending a state school or university other than Westmont, my being becomes

somewhat undone because I do not want to imagine who I would be without the tested and tried

worldview I hold loosely, yet dearly in my mind today.

Telford Works Christian Doctrine class expanded and challenged my paradigm of

Christianity. One image I return to over and over again, which can be applied to numerous

situations, is Newbigins staircase metaphor. This picture shows two staircases climbing upwards
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in opposite directions from one another. The base of both staircases is the same flat surface. The

staircases represent the many ways by which man learns to rise up towards the fulfillment of Gods

purposethe picture expresses the central paradox of the human situation, that God comes to meet

us at the bottom of our stairways, not at the top (Weston, 2006, p. 167). This image constantly

humbles me to come down from my staircase of accomplishment and pride and meet my broken self,

God and other human beings at the bottom, on equal ground. Whether we see eye-to-eye or not, the

acknowledgment of equality with a humble posture is key.

Perhaps unorthodox for this paper, I want to reflect on a class I took over the summer at my

local community college. In order to get a few more units done for my degree, I decided to take an

introduction to sociology course. The class was eye-opening and convicting in ways I did not

anticipate. The teacher was a young, black woman and the class was diverse in age, race, ethnicity,

religion and socioeconomic levels. The diverse perspectives were unlike any I would have

encountered at Westmont. Since it was a sociology course, the diversity enhanced the class

discussion and expanded my worldview in ways I am grateful for. In a paper I wrote for the class, I

was able to utilize my unique Christian perspective and analyze Macklemores song, Same Love,

with a compassionate yet, convicted attitude. My profound experience transformed my mind and had

a greater impact on my life besides just knocking off a few units.

Christian Perspectives on World History launched me into a fresh appreciation for

learning. Prior to taking this class, I was afraid. I was not confident in performing well in a

history class. To my surprise, I did exceptionally well; yet, most surprising to me was

discovering a love for learning. My grade was no longer of the utmost importance to me in

relation to the actual learning that happened. More specifically, this class was a foundational

stepping-stone into a love for the cultural diversity that exists in the world. Professor Keaneys

specialization in the Middle East gifted me with a new lens for seeing history and current events.
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If I delve deeper, the class was a means of watering and fertilizing the seed of empathy and

compassion in my soul. For the first time, I saw the true horrors of colonization and

Westernization that created lasting impacts that affect our world today. Little did I know, this

class would prepare me for my time abroad in Mexico.

Ironically, in general chemistry my freshman year, Mary Docter presented her spiel on

Westmont in Mexico. I remember thinking to myself, Thats nice, but Ill never go. Speaking

Spanish all the time seems too hard. Well, a year later I was sitting in the Westmont in Mexico

orientation class preparing to go abroad. I expected the class to be a discussion of logistics. What

I did not expect was a dialogue about cultural differences and building up our capacity to handle

going abroad with strength and poise. Delving into cultural nuances opened up my mind to a

dimension of the world previously invisible to me. I had no idea how pervasive and engrained

culture was and how differently people could view things like time, family and conflict. By the

end of the class I felt like I had been told a secret withheld from me for 20 years.

In Quertaro, Mexico, the city was my classroom. My host family was my teacher. I grew

tremendously during my time abroad. I saw in myself the growth that my sophomore year self

was hopeful for. Towards the end of the semester, I received feedback and compliments that left

me speechless and teary-eyed. A non-Christian member of our group explained to me that I

helped her understand Jesus in new ways through the practices of spiritual disciplines I shared.

Another respected member of our cohort identified me as the backbone of the group. A new

friend touched my heart when she told me she clearly saw the Risen Christ in me better than

anyone else. Finally, one of the greatest acknowledgments I received before leaving Mexico was

from my host mom. After hosting students for 23+ years, she said she would always remember

me as one of her favorites and a beloved student. Any fear I harbored about being lost in the
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masses of her many students dissipated. I was her hija, her daughter. These gracious

compliments were affirmation that I made myself a home in a foreign context and presented

myself in light of truths I knew about myself rather than insecurities.

Improving my Spanish was one of my greatest accomplishments at Westmont. When I

finished Spanish classes my junior year of high school, I thought to myself Yay! Im done with

Spanish forever! Clearly, my heart was changed and I discovered the importance and value of

knowing Spanish in California, especially in the Santa Barbara area. My Spanish has allowed me

to keep in contact with friends and my host family in Mexico and be effective in my internship

here at the William Sansum Diabetes Center. From a theological stance, I see language as a

tangible sign of Gods reconciliation. Learning anothers language allows me to have a much

more dynamic relationship with people from Spanish-speaking cultures. This bridge-builder is a

sign of Gods gathering of all nations and peoples from around the world. As suggested by

Telford Work (2013) in a lecture, Israels exile was a scattering of Gods nations and the re-

gathering of the nations is prophesized for the future. The church plays a central role in the

gathering of the people and will not be complete until the day of Christs return (Ecclesiology,

Who Cares?). Thus, there is kingdom work to be done currently, as we gather in relationship

with people of all ethnicities, genders and histories.

Spiritual growth throughout the last four years has been nothing short of deep and

transformational. The past two summers, my internship at Hillside Covenant Church, in the Bay

Area, played a large role in my growth. One specific example is the breath prayer. For years,

prayer was overwhelming to me. I didnt know when to stop or where to start. My first summer

at Hillside, my goal was to improve my prayer life. That is when I learned about the breath

prayer. This act of communication with God is a meant to be a simplistic prayer linked to our
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breathing (Calhoun, 2005, p. 204). As I breathe in, I call upon a name of Jesus that speaks to his

ability to answer my prayer, a sign that speaks of my trust in his power to fulfill my request if he

so desires. When I exhale, I present my God-given desire to the Lord. The prayer is meant to be

short, allowing the unspoken baggage that comes with the request to be left unspoken and simply

carried up to God. Personally, it relieves me from the overwhelming nature of the praying I once

knew. Throughout college, my breath prayer, said over and over again, in the rhythm of

breathing was Jesus, calm the waves and the wind of my soul. Whenever stress pushed me

over the edge and I lacked a sense of grounding, I returned to this prayer, trusting Jesus could

calm the storm just as he did in the boat with his disciples.

The spiritual culture in Mexico is dominated by the Catholic practice of Christianity.

Hesitant at first to glean theological insights from the branch, I soon discovered the importance

of the Catholic faith for the Mexican ethnicity, the world and myself. First off, without

Catholicism, the Protestant evangelical branch would not exist. As an evangelical, I cannot

dismiss Catholicism as heretical. From my time abroad, I discovered a great affection for the

Catholic faith. Furthermore, as a result of colonialism, the Virgin of Guadalupe is a fascinating

and important figure to the Mexican identity. The woman is a representation to the people that

they too belong to the faith. Her appearance as an indigenous woman is inviting to a people

group descended from indigenous roots. Yet, the Mexican identity is complex. The race was

born out of rape of indigenous women by white European men. Thus, the Virgin of Guadalupe

presents an identity of purity someone of the Mexican race can partake in. The shame of

powerlessness is replaced with a dignified identity that comes from God in the form of the

Virgin. I wrestled with these insights over the course of four months and in the end developed a

great love and compassion for the other, someone unlike me, someone who practices faith
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differently, yet no less legitimately from me. This growth has encouraged me to take classes such

as Women in the Middle East and to see the beauty of diversity even among North Americans

who come from a host of different backgrounds that shape who they are in ways that are

different from me.

The most significant influence in my growth over the last four years, was without a

doubt, my time in Mexico. I was humbled in my ignorance, challenged in my perspectives and

discovered a vocational call to care for the marginalized and love cultural differences for the

purpose of Gods redemption and restoration. My growth will never be complete as I strive to

flourish in different seasons and contexts of life. In the next season of life, I hope to grow my

opinions and find a voice that is confidently and authentically my own. I want to learn to trust

my voice and ideas. In the work I hope to do, my voice is a powerful tool to empower and

advocate for others who otherwise do not have a voice. Empowering my own voice will come

from living within my authentic self.

I associate the word character with leadership, humility, grace, servitude and self-

awareness. Most importantly, authenticity is key. Being true to myself is what makes my

character shine, and anyone else who choses to live within their authenticity. Palmer (2000)

suggests, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at

the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I must live- but the standards by which I

cannot help but live if I am living my own life (p.5). He goes on to quote Rabbi Zusya

explaining, In the coming world, they will not ask me: Why were you not Moses? They will

ask me: Why were you not Zusya? (p.11). In this life, the only means by which I can flourish

is by being Amanda. Outside of my authentic character I will fumble with my identity if I am

straining to be someone else. This does not mean I cannot learn, grow and be inspired by others
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character, but I must exhibit a self-awareness that knows the bounds of my identity. Michelle

Obama gracefully embraces her identity with conviction. In the face of critique she stands her

ground and explains, these were my choices, my issues, and I decided to tackle them in the way

that felt most authentic to me (Slevin, 2016). To me, this is a shameless love for the self. She

cannot be a people-pleasure and realizes the boundaries she must put up to live a healthy,

authentic life.

A question I wrestled with throughout much of my time at Westmont, was who are our

enemies? Are they those who cause us pain and suffering? Are they those who deliberately stand

against Christianity? Surely, God genuinely loves the boy that caused me deep heart break my

freshman year of college. I cannot bring myself to believe he is my enemy as much as I wanted

to believe it. Once I solve the puzzle of who my enemies are, then I must show them the love of

God. It wasnt until this semester I received a profound insight from a member in my community

group at Free Methodist Church, who also is one of the most impactful professors I have had at

Westmont. Heather Keaney, suggested that maybe our enemies are found within us. The flawed

and broken pieces of my character, which I despise and deny, exist. If this is the case, an even

deeper call to love myself is now upon me. Shauna Niequist (2016) writes a beautiful passage in

her book, Present over Perfect, that embodies an attitude of self-love:

Hospitality, not perfection. Ill show hospitality even to the fact that I am sometimes

unhappy with my body. Unhappiness, come right in, sit right down. Well sit together.

Youll stay until you tire of this, and go.

I will practice hospitality to my very own body- you can rest, you can be nourished, you

can be loved. And Ill also practice hospitality to my complicated feelings about my

body. Because theyre a part of me, too (p.187-188).

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I have been on a journey of learning to love myself. To rid myself of a perfectionistic spirit that

holds me captive. This is a pre-requisite for loving others and denying myself. As Jim Wright

mentioned to our community group, one cannot deny oneself until one has accepted oneself. As I

become more accepting of myself, my character will flourish and I can better learn to love and

accept others along the way.

The other has been a hot topic the last couple of years. A word deeply engrained in

issues of social justice. Viewing the world with a lens of social justice, one sees a bleak image of

injustice everywhere. In four years, I have seen the intentional results of gentrification, laws and

policies that marginalize minority groups and push them away in isolation. It happens in San

Francisco, in Santa Barbara, in Mexico. My eyes have been opened and in response, I joined the

Urban Initiative Core Team, I attend Conversation Caf, I continually work on my Spanish and I

invest in organizations that reach powerless human beings on the margins of society.

Two chapel speakers stand out to me, when I think about my growing perspective on

social justice. The first is Ken Wystma. In his Chapel presentation and campus lecture, his ideas

aided me in understanding justice in a broken and unjust world. He claims that justice, as an

epistemological category, is a way in which we understand the character and the heart of God

(Wystma, Chapel, 2016). On the contrary, just as we come to know Him through justice,

injustice is a way we may come to doubt God (Wystma, Doubt, 2016). Therefore, we should not

view faith and doubt as two mutually exclusive states. The two may exist, side-by-side, in a

healthy tension.

Furthermore, Andy Crouchs book, Playing God, explains injustice in profound

theological expressions that take the form of insights that are easy to understand, yet still exhibit

great depth. Crouch (2013) remarks, Whether making false gods (idolatry) or playing false gods
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(injustice) the result is identical- the true image of God is lost, and not just lost but replaced by

something that purports, often very persuasively, to represent the ultimate truth about reality. The

truth about God, and the truth about Gods very good world, is exchanged for a lie (p. 71). His

words are deeply convicting and cause me to think about how I represent God. Do I represent the

true image of God in a just manner or do I enable injustice to work as I falsely represent Him

with my own ideas and desires?

One small way we can represent God faithfully is through our own health. My idea of

personal wellness, has transformed from exercise is good for my body to realizing there is a

profound interconnectedness between the emotional, spiritual, mental and physical components

of health that contribute to well being. This became most clear to me when I witnessed the

changes that took place in a friends life. His spiritual life was all talk and no action, he

unknowingly dealt with PTSD for three years before seeking treatment and he gained a

significant amount of weight during that time frame. It was clear to me this was not a simple

cause and effect reaction. This issue was complex, involving all aspects of health beyond a

physical component.

Introduction to Physiology was the first Kinesiology class that motivated me to be a good

steward of my body. Exercise became meaningful because I understood the physiology behind it

and saw the benefits of movement. For instance, I learned ones lungs adapt to exercise and their

capacity to hold oxygen increases as a result. Similarly, exercise physiology further emphasized

these points. Hearing about cardiac output from Dr. Afman, I was encouraged to know your heart

adapts by beating less (or more efficiently) and the amount of blood that is pumped out of your

heart with each beat, increases, increasing your overall cardiac output at your maximum heart
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rate and improves ones aerobic capacity (Cardiovascular Exercise Physiology, 2016). The

adaptations I learned about over the course of four years were exciting and motivating to me!

My psychology minor educated me on the cognitive factors of well being. Professor

Gurney always stressed the importance and connection between physical and mental well being.

Rest was essential to her formula. We talked about the mind-body connection and how we see a

clear link with stress. Stress may cause an overall vulnerability to disease by compromising

immune function. It may slow the healing of wounds by 24-40%. On the other hand, laughter is

associated with enhanced immune functioning (Gurney, Stress and Physical and Mental Health,

2016). Positive psychology, according to Gurney (2016), focuses on human traits and resources

such as humor, gratitude, and compassion, which may have direct implications for our physical

and mental well being (Stress and Physical and Mental Health). From this one example with

stress and immunity, it is clear there is a mind-body connection. This connection, which I have

seen in my life and in those I am close to, is why I wanted to study Psychology alongside

Kinesiology. I want to be a holistically healthy person and promote that to others, which means

all aspects of health are essential.

This holistic health model has since become a passion that I want to implement into my

future careers. When someone asks me what my dream job is, I struggle to find an answer. The

way I see it, there is no single, ideal career that will be a perfect fit so I can check the box for

job satisfaction. Instead, I am drawn to the idea of a vocational call, which may easily lead me

into a variety of positions throughout my life, fulfilling me in diverse ways. As stated by Mark

Labberton (2014), in his book, Called, he suggests the primary call of Gods people is to be

tangible evidence of His purpose and pursuit of the world we live in (p.13). The secondary call

which includes gifts, context, challenges, personality- these affect how we embody and enact
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our [primary call] (Labberton, 2014, p. 45). Thus, the grand call placed on every Christian is to

glorify God in the present, wherever we are. How that looks for each individual will be different

and will evolve throughout the years.

As I step forward into the great unknown of post-graduate life, there are both unknowns

and certainties. Throughout the last four years, God has revealed certainties to me about my

vocational call. I love what Jerry Sittser (2000) says, The will of God has to do with what we

already know, not what we must figure out (p. 59). As a result of my semester abroad in

Mexico, I figured out I love working with ethnically diverse populations. Using Spanish to

communicate with my neighbors here in Santa Barbara has been a source of great joy and

satisfaction. Just a few weekends ago, I worked the Diabetes Centers Mobile Health Station.

Although the hours were physically and mentally tiring, the experience of interacting with people

of diverse backgrounds and pressing needs was a life-giving, joyful experience.

Prior to my time at Westmont, I believed I would become a physical therapist. As time

passed, experiences directly involving physical therapy showed me I was not passionate about

that career route. I struggled, wondering if I had chosen the right major. I realized, in many

cases, the career would draw me away from the demographic I want to be involved with. This

epiphany closed a door and gave me freedom to pursue other options.

Lastly, a theme of education has accompanied me on my vocational journey for some

time now. I am currently an Education and Community Outreach intern at the Diabetes Center

and the Education & Outreach Coordinator with Urban Initiative. Although unintended, both

titles are the same, speaking to the draw that area of expertise has on my heart. In recent years, I

became aware education extends into non-traditional settings, which include people of all ages,

backgrounds, and needs. I would be able to teach about subjects, such as diabetes management,
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in which people are motivated to learn because their health depends on it. I will not be surprised

if my future careers involve education in some form.

This semester I developed a class about managing type II diabetes through exercise. One

of my professional goals is to educate individuals on managing their health in applicable,

meaningful ways and it has been fulfilling to be able to start achieving that goal through creating

the class. I also hope, through my professional life, people will understand ways we can be

virtuous stewards of our bodies through what we eat, how we move and how we rest, whether of

the Christian faith or not. Furthermore, I want to stress the connection between physical, mental,

emotional and spiritual health. Those four aspects of health are like four legs of a table. Without

one, the table is unable to stand. Whoever I am working with, my goal is that they not only

understand, but also make a meaningful effort to achieve holistic health. I want to model that

effort and strive to be a fully healthy person in my own life for others to observe.

All of these insights have accumulated over the years, narrowing my call, closing doors

and revealing my desires. With these insights I am not looking for the one perfect career, but

rather for points of intersection among my interests, passions and God-given desires. Seeing the

ins and outs of diabetes education through my internship has been one of the best directive

experiences in my four years. I would love to work full-time for a company like the William

Sansum Diabetes Center and serve the patients who come through their doors. The intersection

of kinesiology with the demographics being served, the education piece and addressing a great

need in our community is what makes me so excited about what they do. Needless to say, to

begin my post-graduate journey, I would love to pursue a job as a health educator or find a career

that specifically works to fight diabetes.

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No matter what institutions I serve throughout my lifetime, I want to embody my call to

glorify God by remembering the words of Crouch (2013), who exclaims:

What is widely spread whenever institutions fail is the failure to exercise power. The

neglect of power, not the willful abuse of power, is what makes the difference between

flourishing and failure in almost every institution. The sign of flourishing is when

countless people exercise their power within the rules and roles of an institution; the sign

of failure is when most people within the institution simply cease to act (p.214).

It is important to acknowledge the power and privilege I have as college graduate with a

Bachelors degree from an esteemed school. To live out my call, in whatever forms it may take,

is to leverage my power, my voice and my experience for the good of those around me.

Although I leave behind a beautiful campus, passionate and loving professors, a secure

community and challenging coursework, I am taking with me a transformed self that has been

shaped by all of those things. The experience is forever imprinted on my being. The memories,

lessons and relationships are a part of me, a part of my journey. Leaving is sad, but the

transformation into the unfinished masterpiece I am is a joyful result. Looking back on my four

years throughout this paper has reminded me of the experiences that shaped me, the great writing

skills I have honed, the ability to integrate information and the capability I have to think

critically and reflect. The journey was long and the process was not always pleasant, but I am

eternally grateful for my time at Westmont and will end by saying, thank you! I will treasure

these past four years in my heart for the rest of my life.

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References

Afman, G. (2016). Notes for a lecture on cardiovascular exercise physiology. Westmont

College, Santa Barbara, CA.

Calhoun, A. (2005). Spiritual Disciplines Handbook. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Crouch, A. (2013). Playing God. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Gurney, A. (2016). Notes for a lecture on stress and physical and mental health. Westmont

College, Santa Barbara, CA.

Labberton, M. (2014). Called. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Newbigin, L., & Weston, P. Lesslie Newbigin: Missionary Theologian: A Reader. Grand Rapids,

MI: W.B. Eerdmans Pub., 2006. Print.

Niequist, S. (2016). Present Over Perfect. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Palmer, P. (2000). Let Your Life Speak. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Slevin, P. (2016, December 12). How Michelle Obama became a singular American

Voice. Washington Post.

Sittser, J. (2000). The Will of God as a Way of Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Work, T. (Producer). (2013, August 14). Ecclesiology, Who Cares? [Audio Podcast].

Introduction to Christian Doctrine, Westmont College, Santa Barbara, CA.

Wystma, K. (2016). Notes for a lecture on chapel: January 27, 2016. Archives of WestmontTV,

Westmont College, Santa Barbara, CA.

Wystma, K. (2016). Notes for a lecture on doubt: the mystery of God in the messiness of

life. Archives of WestmontTV, Westmont College, Santa Barbara, CA.