Christopher Castanho, Contributor

Performer. Creator. Optimist.

Am I Too Gay?
01/16/2017 08:08 pm ET | Updated Jan 17, 2017

Sheri Sanders & Christopher Castanho decided to team up as Teacher & Student to
hold space to talk about tricky to discuss, but necessary social topics through the
lens of the Musical Theatre community. They call their article series Musical Theatre:
The Wild Side. In this, their first article entitled Am I Too Gay, the pair discuss what
it is like to be a male Musical Theatre actor who identifies as gay, and open it up to
members of the Broadway community.

Gavin Creel and Michele Pawk, Broadway veterans and also educators, join
Christopher and Sheri to weigh in on how an individuals sexuality can be better
explored throughout a performers training.
Earlier this month, Sheri taught at the Musical Theatre Educators Alliance conference
in NYC. She asked over 90 college professors what the the ratio of gay men to
straight men are in their respective Musical Theatre programs. The consensus was
that approximately 70% gay, 30% straight.

Sheri: Christopher, I am very excited to speak on and hold space for these crucial
subjects with you, and that we are bringing incredible people into the fold of our future
discussions. It thrills me as the teacher to ask you, the student, what your experience
is. So first and foremost, Christopher, you identify as gay.

Christopher: I am so excited about this too, and yes maam, I do!

Sheri: Me too. I came out when I was your age, and I have to say, it feels like it has
been much easier being a gay woman and an actor than it is being a gay m
an and an
actor. I would never call myself the daintiest person in the world, I have simply been
labeled as working class, and thats left me open to portray A LOT of different
women! What is your experience as a young gay man seeking a career in musical
theatre?

Christopher: The theatre community is a very welcoming place for LGBTQ

individuals, which is something I am very thankful for. Currently I am studying at
Shenandoah University in their Musical Theatre program, learning all I can about what
I love most. Within my training, and throughout most of my life I have come to the
understanding that although my educators accept and support my sexuality, they are
trying to neutralize my mannerisms in order to make me more marketable.

Sheri: Are you invited to explore your sexuality at school, in class or in shows?

Christopher: Honestly, Ive always had to work more on playing straight, as I

naturally come across more flamboyant. Its not because they dont want me to act
gay its just a fact that there are more straight roles than gay characters in Musical
Theatre (ironically). But the funny thing is: the gays are all over Broadway, though
they tend to be more extreme personalities like Lola in Kinky Boots or Rod in Avenue
Q.

Sheri: So theatre school, which is, in theory, a safe space where you can leave the
judgment of family and society behind in order to be yourself, is also the place you are
told: you cant really be yourself because then you wont book. You have to try to be
this other thing that you are not and then you go in the world and the market asks you
to be gay, sometimes really gay. How can you be ya gay self if you havent explored
that self at all?

Christopher: Its a conundrum, because I can absolutely see why educators are
trying to subdue my mannerisms, but its challenging, because a musical theatre
education should also allow you to further explore yourself as a person, in addition to
making you marketable.

Sheri: Christopher, I feel like thats why some people dont make it as actors. They
get lost in this terrible shuffle. Actors are trained to compete as an ingnue, a sidekick
belter, or a lyric baritone, without making choices based on who they are or how they
see things first. This is very true of not exploring your own sexuality first. I make
people sing popular music so they can audition for Rock Musicals. Thats my calling,
right? I INSIST on people exploring the wilder sides of themselves. The truth is, you
just cant take the gay away so that people are better, straighter actors...You have to
let them LIVE in it, be good with it in their hearts, and learn how to make choices from
it. Take Disco music. If you are gay and lit on the dance floor, what would this music
do to you? Probably something very different than if you were straight. So why not live
riscilla Queen of the Desertand
your reality FIRST however gay it may belike P
so it has DETAILS. If you
then bring it back to neutrallike Saturday Night Fever
go RIGHT to neutral, there aint no details in there! I also get to teach with Wagner
College where Michele Pawk, who everyone knows as a Tony Award winning (and
brilliant) actor, is also currently at the head of Wagner Colleges Musical Theatre
Program. I get to teach with her every year, and I love the way she thinks. Michele,
what do say you about this?
Michele Pawk: I have found that many of my young male, homosexual students have
very rich emotional lives. When working they can easily access these emotions and
live them in their work. I think its essential to explore these truths! And let them
manifest in physical ways that feel natural to them. Then, its also essential to look at
the character/style/time period the material demands. Without acknowledging that,
you do a disservice to the playwright. This is where research comes into play.

Christopher: Totally, and I also dont want this to sound as if Im being lazy: not
wanting to play a straight character or do a love scene with a woman. What were
touching upon is the fact that I wouldve loved material, in my earlier training that did
not require me to think I have to play straight for this scene because I am supposed
to be in love with a woman. Im just sick of the response No, youre too gay. Hes
not believable in this part, within an educational environment. I understand that
Musical Theatre is a business, as its called show business. Being a student and
training in a class is for artistic value, not monetary value. So many of my friends tell
me that their teachers give them the note Alright, that was good but we need you to
butch it up. I want to be someone who is able to explore myself and then become
something other than myself, and find the common thread between the two. There are
performers who have really been able to do this like Gavin Creel, who is an
extraordinary actor believably playing straight on stage, while being in love with men
off stage. Not all of us have that ability.

Gavin Creel: I like to think we all have the capability to do that. Who I have sex with:
whom I desire, as an identity, as a human being, leaving acting aside, and how I
identify in my sexual orientation should be irrelevant to who I am as an actor. For me
its about perception.

Christopher: I just have difficulty between focusing on my type and being flexible
within the kind of character I can play. I get confused on whether or not I could be
perceived as a straight man on stage. Im told to live truthfully under the
circumstances of the script; truthfully as how I would live through this, but if I was
being myself I wouldnt be in love with a woman.
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Gavin: You cant think This is the way it should be and Im just going to live my truth.
Unfortunately if the very first woman who stood up for womens rights had lived like
that, no one would have listened to her. There has to be a transition period, where we
fight against that principle. To say to someone just be yourself would be
inappropriate for the vast opportunities of roles that you could possibly play. It puts
you in one lane, keeps you very specific, and can also be inhibiting. As a teacher, its
my job to look at the student and say I love you, but youre also young, I am twenty
years older than you and still trying to figure out who I am. So for you to say I know
exactly who I am, lets all agree that were still figuring that out. Im still figuring that
out. Its not that you dont know who you are, youve had flashes of who you are
based on a construct under your family beliefs, size of your hometown, etc. Based on
all of those things I thought I knew who I was when I first came to [the University of]
Michigan.

Sheri: I think what we are saying is that we need teachers to say, I hear you, I see
you, I support the statement you are making, or even if someone is NOT making a
statement, they are still saying I see you. While I was at MTEA, I asked for thoughts
from Alan Shorter, Associate Professor of Performance at Texas Christian University.
He happens to be gay as well. He said, Being perceived as gay can stem from
physical and vocal patterns ... and that we all, regardless of our identification, adapt or
alter our physical and vocal behavior depending upon our circumstance. How we act
in the presence of our parents or our pastor or our closest friends will vary. We can
use that in the theatre. We have physical and vocal vocabularies and can use these
selectively to give different impressions; those choices help build a character. What
may be natural for us in our personal lives may not be appropriate to a given
character. Its identifying who you are when you are in the world engaging in real life
circumstances, and then using those things to build character. Its meeting in the
middle.
Christopher: What would also really help this situation is acting material. I find that
the material given in classes can be limiting: when a lot of art and drama revolves
around LOVE, and (as I said before) there are more musicals with straight characters
than gay characters. I most often have to be in love with a woman, which would never
be the case for me in real life.

Sheri: Right, and you need roles that allow you to experience intimacy, honestly and
truly with yourself first. So lets imagine we get to use the first two years of a four year
program to strip away all of the social constructs and just connect with you--YOUR
personal character, who you are in the world and how you interpret things is so
important. Perhaps a whole semester of character building. Roles you connect to that
teach you to make choices. Exploring sexuality, gender, and emotional expression to
push your envelope not with your marketability in mind, but your artistry in mind.

Gavin: People who identify as straight should be forced to play the complete opposite
spectrum. Everyone should be allowed to explore the entire room. As we get closer to
graduation, I think its the responsibilities of the educators to look at you honestly and
say This is who you present yourself as. This where youre strongest.

Sheri: This idea of everyone trying everything on to create empathy, consciousness,

to create the ability to be bendable and pliable is very compelling ... Can we actually
use the classroom environment to take traditional circumstances and make them
non-traditionalfor self-exploration? For example, Christopherif you were able to play
ANY female character in musical theatre and have that be a genuine reality, not drag,
who would you play?

Christopher: Id love to portray Maria Von Trapp in The Sound of Music, it was the
first live musical I ever saw. Maria and I connect on the power of positivity and music,
so that would be a cool acting experience focusing on her essence, and digging deep
in myself to find those connections.
Sheri: Youd want to play those female roles realistically, using qualities of yourself
that are feminine to be full and true in yourself there. Id want to play George in
Sunday in the Park.

Christopher: Yeah, before jumping headfirst into being straight or reading straight.
Just to see what I am like.

Sheri: If Liesl Von Trapp, in the Sound of Music, was a young, gay man, that would be
cool, too, right??!!!

Christopher: That would actually be awesome! Liesl and Rolfs relationship would
have to be even more secretive from the Captain, and then even more heartbreaking
when its revealed Rolf is supporting the Nazi party. By allowing that character to be a
gay man, it only amplifies the themes already in the piece. So now I definitely want to
play Liesl, thanks for that suggestion!

Sheri: Well, the details of your emotional life would be so delicious in those
circumstances. Then, when you graduate, its not about being a gay man, or a straight
man, but being a person, period. Dynamic, vulnerable, accessible. Because the new
marketability is someone who is in touch with themselves and can live in many
different worlds with that self.

Michele: It is a business, and the truth is there will be more opportunities for work if
actors are versatile. I have had the very same conversation with students regarding
their contemporary-style approach to everything they do. Its limiting! My hope is that
professors are trying to broaden young actors minds and opportunities, and not
squelching who they are.

Gavin: For me, it all comes down to: Authenticity, Honesty, and Vulnerability. Its
always important to examine why we do what we do. Its important to examine Why
do I have these speech patterns? Why am I comfortable talking the way I do, dressing
the way I do? When do I feel the most powerful or the most comfortable? The
classroom is the perfect place to explore those questions.
Sheri: Whats true is for many many years, this training was the right training. It was
what was necessary for the aesthetics in musical theatre, and our teachers have
clearly been in commitment to their students success. But just like in so many facets
of our current climate, things are changing, and we need to meet in the middle in
order for us all to change for the better.

This is one of the many topics Sheri and Christopher are opening a conversation for
teachers and their students, so everyone is equipped to succeed both in life and in the
current state of Musical Theatre. Their next feature, The Gender Non-Binary and
Musical Theatre, focuses the conversation onto Trans actors and their teachers to
speak openly with us about the role they play in the ever changing market.

Future Topics will include Mental Illness and the young actor in Musical Theatre,
and Diversity in Musical Theatre Education.

Be sure to follow their blog:

MTWildSide.Wordpress.com for new articles coming
soon.