Balle Kumar's Universe - 9

Contents
This Actually Happened Series 125 ..............................................................................................................1

This Actually Happened Series 2650 ...........................................................................................................3
This Actually Happened Series 5175 ...........................................................................................................5
This Actually Happened Series 76100 .........................................................................................................7
This Actually Happened Series 101125 .......................................................................................................9
This Actually Happened Series 126150 .................................................................................................... 11
This Actually Happened Series 125
1) In 1989 my cousin was travelling in a cab and he wanted to go from West Berlin to East Berlin and he saw the cab meter
spinning a little too fast. He asked the driver the reason for him going in one direction for a long time and the cab driver said
that he was trying to go to the nearest checkpoint to crossover. My cousin asked him "Why?" and he replied "Sir, because of
the Wall". My cousin then said the famous line which broke the spine of communism "Dude, why don't you break the wall?"
This actually happened.
2) My great grandmother used to ask her husband to buy salt and salt was costly because of the tax. So my ancestor gave a
suggestion to his friend MK to organize a marathon which would end in Dandi. He pitched the idea that as many people would
want to lose weight they would join the marathon and then they would make salt and that would save money for all. At the last
minute in DANDI my grandfather realized that this time his wife has asked him to buy sugar and so my ancestor was not in the
Dandi March photo. This actually happened.
3) In 1857, my ancestor met a certain Sepoy Mangal Pandey who was pissed off with British. My ancestor told him to take out
his anger by shooting a white crow who sits on the lowest branch of a certain tree. My ancestor wanted to sell the dead crow
to Uttar Pradesh National Geography. Mangal fired and it happened to be the helmet of a British Officer who was sitting below
the tree. (don't ask me doing what!).This actually happened.
4) One of my uncles Tarachand Bahubali was supposed to be the first man to land on Moon but at the last moment he chose
to go on his HoneyMoon and Neil filled in for him. This actually happened.
5) My great ancestor was troubled by monkeys, I think there were millions of them and he just didn't know what to do them.
So, when a man called Ram was asking people to help him fight Ravana my ancestor gave him a suggestion that a frustrated
monkey is 1000 times destructive than a man. Then Lord Ram raised a Vanar Sena. This actually happened.
6) In 1993 my Spielberg was discussing about his idea of new movie called "Bison Park". My cousin told him to think big!
Spielberg asked him to elaborate. My cousin said "Dinosaurs. This actually happened.
7) Porus has a dialogue writer called Chorus and when Porus was captured by Alexander and asked the now famous question
"How do you want to be treated?" my ancestor prompted him Like a King". Alexander was very happy with Porus and took my
ancestor against his will to Greece. Now that was a big mistake as no one makes my ancestor do anything that he or she
doesn't want to do. Alexander died of poisoning midway and coincidently my ancestor had left to pray for Alexander's long life
just the night before. This actually happened.
8) One of my uncles had a habit of spreading rumors and in 1967 he jokingly said before a few Congressmen that "There is oil
in Vietnam, God promise!". This actually happened.
9) One of my ancestors had a habit of helping people with directions even when not asked for and especially when not asked
for. The first person that Columbus asked for directions to India was my ancestor. So he was one of our first freedom fighters.
10) It was well over a decade that Russia had launched Sputnik and the Americans were not making of any headway to reach
to the money. At the time one of my uncles suggested to them about the only studio used to direct all the Indian Films. The
surface had cracks on it and the only source of light was a light bulb which looked like the Sun from a distance. Next we heard
about Apollo 11. This actually happened.
11) In 1945, my grandfather called up Hitler and told him that he will get free Shampoo delivered to his bunker if he gives the
shipping address. This actually happened.
12) One of my uncle told Marlon Brando that if he buys Vada Pav from his stall then he will give him the Lassi Free. Marlon
said no and then my uncle said "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. What about an Extra Mirchi for half the price?"
13) Aero plane was invented by the my ancestors called Wrong Brothers , the Wright brothers bribed them by saying that they
will be allowed to eat Unlimited Thaali in the Office Mess where only British were allowed to eat... The chance to smite at the
British and the prospect of Unlimited Thaali (with Mutton on Sundays) was too good to refuse. This actually happened.
14) My ancestors used to blast away Sheeps with Canon Balls. The British came up with Barbeque from this practice. This
actually happened.
15) For those who don't know, it was actually Dr Watson my ancestor who used to solve the cases and because of the time
honored tradition of giving credit to others (the sudden rise in population of world due to unbelievable number of pregnancies
at that time is a testimony to that tradition..), Sherlock became famous. This actually happened.
16) Actually my ancestor wrote the famous love story "Homo Juliet" but due to the censorship prevalent at that time he told his
assistant Shakespeare to add a male character to the story and that became "Romeo Juliet". This actually happened.
17) Shankar Mahadevan tried to eat an Idli from my Uncle's food plate and naturally my Uncle tried to choke him to death. So
for brief amount of time Shankar was BREATHLESS. Later he thanked my uncle! This actually happened.
18) One of cousins advised Aishwarya Rai after her pregnancy that eating butter makes you feel better. This actually
happened.
19) Edison said "Genius is one per cent inspiration, ninety-nine per cent perspiration" My great grandfather retorted back
saying "I am not asking about how to give birth to a genius" .. Edison kept quite..This actually happened.
20) Brains are wired differently but when an autopsy was done on my great grandfather the scientists coined a term now
known as Wireless. This actually happened.
21) My great Aunt sang the famous Bhajan "Chura Liya Hain Tune Maan Ko Prabhu, Nazar Nahin Churana Ishwar, Badal Ke
Meri Zindagani , Kahin Palat Na Jaana Daata..". Later it inspired some Bollywood song .This actually happened ..
22) My great great grandfather used to always stop at RED LIGHT before going home. Soon all men in the area started
following the practice. This actually happened.
23) My ancestors used to shoot cannon balls at the Portuguese ships passing along the Konkan coast.Once when the
Portuguese ran out of ammunition they threw what they called BATATA and all of my ancestor's companions started running
away. My ancestor went ahead and shouted " Aaaaa iilaa". But before he could complete a BATATA landed in his mouth and
he chewed it. That started the love that Maharashtrians have for Potato. We love it and we love it so much that we for devote
some years of life to it by looking like it. This actually happened.
24) One of ancestors invited all Dodos to the game of Russian roulette and he simply ate the last one. This actually happened.
25) One of my uncles sold calendars featuring Russian beauties to American soldiers. Seeing that Americans became cold to
their wives and that started the Cold War. This actually happened.
26) When Saddam was pissed off and wanted to invade someone he asked one of my distant cousins for advice and my
cousin told him "oK U WAIT". My cousin took accent reduction classes after that. This actually happened.
27) In 1773 one of my ancestors and his cronies were so offended by not having milk in their tea in spite of them telling that
repeatedly to the restaurant owner that they threw the tea bags from the ship in to the sea. This actually happened. This
happened in Boston.
28) One of my ancestors was Prince Siddharth's babysitter and he was fired for (lets not delve in to the personal life of Prince
Siddharth's mother) To scare Siddharth he snooped on him and acted like a diseased man , old man and dead man. This
actually happened.
29) About some 2000 years before Rajnikant one of the my ancestors Shamu Rai went to Japan and single single-handedly
stopped a tsunami while battling about a thousand people with one hand. In the other hand he was holding the hand of a
Japanese princess. From this incident the Samurai tradition started in Japan.This actually happened.
30) My ancestor challenged Socrates that even if Socrates knew "What to do?" he wouldn't know "How to do?" Socrates said
that he will commit suicide if he fails. My ancestor showed him a mermaid.This actually happened
31) One of my ancestors was so committed to secularism that he had an affair with his Muslim neighbor and let everybody
know about it, especially the girls husband. This actually happened.
32) One of my ancestors was offered a room with a view in an inn frequented by couples and he wrote the book based on
which a movie was released and Rekha Aunty acted in it. This actually happened .
33) One of my ancestors sold the only never ending saree to Draupadi and she defaulted on the payment. My ancestor
complained to Dushasan. This actually happened.
34) One of my ancestors lost his umbrella in the Kalinga War. He made Ashoka search the entire battlefield for the umbrella
and gave a big lecture when Ashoka failed to find it. Ashoka renounced violence after that incident. This actually happened.
35) One of my great great aunts, Helen was known as 'Helen of Joy' and many soldiers wanted to meet her to enjoy. But they
mistook the name as 'Helen of Troy' and thus they laid a siege around Troy. This actually happened.
36) One of my aunts her name was KeeKee and she had a husband Kuku and Kuku wanted to sell their spacious one room
apartment in Mumbai. So KeeKee used to threaten her husband that she has other options by saying "KuKu KuKu
Kholi(Mumbaiya for room) Main Dil Hain Mera, Lakhon Deewane Merey".. This actually happened.
37) One of my ancestors had a boxing match with Napolean and he gave a hook punch to Napolean and that hook punch tore
his jaw bone apart. After that match Napolean was known as Napolean Bonaparte. This actually happened.
38) One of my uncles convinced the panther to wear Pink always in order to create awareness for Cancer and then onwards
he came to be known as Pink Panther. This actually happened.
39) My great great .. aunt Sushila taught Japanese to cook and eat fish. As there was no oil, they started consuming it raw and
in her memory they call it Sushi. This actually happened.
40) One of my great great .. uncles told an Arab that the black liquid that is on the sand doesn't taste like Camel Urine.. This
actually happened.
41) The first copying machine ever was sold by my ancestor for about a million dollars. His twin brother helped him sell that.
42) One of my ancestors in appreciation of the British Raj sent a homemade herbal beauty lotion to the queen and the queen
grew a beard because of that and from then onwards they say "God, Shave the queen". This actually happened.
43) Newton was struggling to write his thesis and my ancestor who was his new roommate came to him and warned him:
1) I will continue to sleep unless you give me a nudge.
2) You will require a lot of force to accelerate my waking up due to my mass.
3) And if you ever do so then I will slap you equally hard.
44) People recognize each other by sight, smell or voice but my ancestor Hannibal used to recognize people by their taste.
45) Dracula was the only son of my ancestors Dara and Shakuntala and because of his fragile health the doctor prescribed
him liquid diet. He used to be obsessed about brushing only two of his teeth and his father used to play a prank on him by
replacing his tomato juice by buffalo blood. This actually happened.
46) One of my ancestors in his school days had a crush on his fellow student Miss Red. Miss Red used to be a big fan of
Robin Hood and used to talk about him all day. My ancestor got pissed off and spread the rumor that 'Little Red Riding Hood'.
Robin Hood was hanged and my ancestor and Miss Red loved happily ever after. This actually happened.
47) One of my ancestors stopped talking after his wife told him that "Silence is Golden" and she wanted him to be rich. This
actually happened.
48) One of my uncles always used to expect something more from the maid and so he used to say to her "Shantabai , Yeh Dil
Maange More". This actually happened.
49) One of my ancestors who used to drive a rickshaw dropped Abhimanyu at the centre of the "Chakravyuha" and
Abhimanyu refused to pay him the fare and threatened him saying "Tu Yahan Ka Local Nahin Lagata". Further Abhimanyu
said he saw the route and he will walk back. My ancestor muttered " Tum Aamir Baap Ki Aulade, Sudharoge Nahin" and drove
back safely. This actually happened.
50) One of great uncles used to be friends with Sherpa Tenzing and used to pull his leg by hiding Sherpa's cap. Once he hid
Sherpa's cap and when Sherpa asked him about the cap my uncle told him it is on top of Mount Everest. This actually
happened.
51) One of my uncles was so selfless that even though many children in the neighborhood looked like him he had selflessly
and anonymously given the credit to their fathers. This actually happened.
52) One of my ancestors was born with two right hands and no left hand and so he only used to pose sideways to cover that
up. Also for anything one would have congratulate him twice and he used to stink. This actually happened.
53) One of the first cases of fully fledged plagiarism happened when my ancestor stole Vedas from Aryan Public Library and
ran to India with the Aryan hordes following him. This actually happened.
54) One of my ancestors who were a great economist of his time advised American Bankers that it is easier to print money
than to earn it. This actually happened.
55) One of my ancestors actually saw a young A K Hangal. This actually happened.
56) Once one of my ancestors and his family members were very hungry and were looking for something to eat. Humpty
Dumpty was sitting on the wall and laughing at them. My ancestor pushed him and they all had a feast. This actually
happened.
57) One of my great ancestors won a law suit with the help of a blind eyewitness; he said If the justice can be blind then even
the eyewitness can be". This actually happened.
58) One of my ancestors and his friends used to help bring down the goats which used to graze on hill tops. The people
became so impressed by them that they were called as GOATBUSTERS from then on. This actually happened.
59) The original literary classic "Alladin" was written by my great ancestor and it was a very simple story of Aladdin having a
lamb called Genie and he used to rub the lamb and the Genie used to grant his wishes. This actually happened.
60) One of my uncles once shouted at Superman "You come and go on your own will, my Doberman is much better than you,
he comes when I whistle and goes when I kick" Superman left earth. This actually happened.
61) One of my great aunts was so found of excellence that she allowed half the distinguished men in her town to contribute to
her son's growth and the other half to his birth. This actually happened.
62) One of my ancestors started the Milkman Anonymous to assist milkmen who are addicted to adding milk in water beyond a
certain socially acceptable limit. All the milkmen used to wear the same cologne so that they remain anonymous. This actually
happened.
63) One of the ancestors crawled back into his mother's womb after coming out and sat inside contemplating for a day before
coming out again. After that he was the only man on earth having two birthdays. This actually happened.
64) Two of my ancestors named Rahu and Ketu used to enter uninvited in to people's homes and wreak havoc. Sometimes
they were accompanied by their cousin Shani and then people left their homes. This actually happened.
65) One of my ancestors invented spoken form of sign language for blind people.This actually happened..
66) One of my ancestors once sold a life insurance policy to Ashwathamma and he is still paying the premium. This actually
happened.
67) One of my great aunts won the Miss ChinchPokli pageant and then she nagged her husband so much that the following
year he won Miss ChinchPokli to shut her mouth up. This actually happened.
68) One of my great aunts was so found of dogs that she used to treat her husband like one. He always to open the door and
then sniff people for treat and wag his tail when someone used to call his name. One day he bit his wife and she died of
rabies. This actually happened.
69) One of my ancestors was sex-blind and by that what I mean is that he could only see men. After his marriage his house
was always full of guests. This actually happened.
70) One of my ancestors was so found of employing people that he used to always call men for interview and women for
audition. This actually happened.
71) When one of my cousins was asked the color of sugar he said "Brown". This actually happened.
72) When one my cousins gave birth to a child with distinct Chinese features and the father asked for explanation, she said
"Nowadays everything is Made in China". This actually happened.
73) One of my uncles always emphasized in taking interest in what the children like, so when his son liked the school teacher
my uncle eloped with her. This actually happened.
74) My traveler uncle Fed's ex followed him all around the world and dropped love letters at his doorstep and from there he got
an idea to start a courier delivery service and he called it Fedex. This actually happened.
75) One of my ancestors was the famous Serial Nariyal Killer of Kerala , he used to talk to the coconut trees and then all the
coconuts used to jump down from the tree on their own. This actually happened.
76) When one of my cousins said to his wife "Open Sesame" she accused him of spying on her. She produced 40 witnesses.
77) One of my uncles made a person who had a habit of winking the principal of a school. When asked about it after a few
months he said that since then the number of girls coming to school has increased and boys are studying hard to get out of it.
78) One of my ancestors was abducted by aliens because they thought that he is quite influential and this was due to the fact
that the people listened to whatever bullshit he said. When he was asked what he does for living he said that he is a Priest.
Finally he managed to convert them and know we know them as Nuns. This actually happened.
79) One of my ancestors once suggested the Chinese to build the "Great Mall of China" but they didn't hear him properly. This
actually happened.
80) My uncle's pet snake swallowed the hare sleeping under the tree and that is how the tortoise won the race. The hare was
reported missing but not dead because there was no dead body found. This actually happened.
81) One of my cousins once played the One Player version of Russian roulette and still survived. This actually happened.
82) One of the British officers in 1857 didn't pay for the Beef Kebab my ancestor had made for him and further pointed his
Enfield rifle at him!! My ancestor spread the rumor that cartridges are smeared in cow and pig fat. This actually happened.
83) One of my uncles was so fond of drinking fresh milk that he kept a cow in the refrigerator. Whenever my aunt wanted to
take something out from the fridge she used to put two hands in the freeze, one hand had the grass for the cow and the other
hand was used to pick up what she wants. If she didn't do that then the cow used to bite her hand. This actually happened.
84) One of my ancestors was a vampire but he was so shy that he used to suck his own blood. This actually happened.
85) After seeing MJ do the Moonwalk one of my uncles challenged him to do a Sleepwalk which my uncle considered himself
an expert at. MJ was affected by the challenge that he went in to a depression. This actually happened.
86) One of my uncles liked to talk the wall in his room and once the wall replied back. My uncle was admitted in the hospital,
upon investigation it was found that new neighbors had moved in. This actually happened.
87) Two of my ancestors Celsius and Fahrenheit were notorious for ranking people in the kingdom for their hotness. When the
king asked them about himself they said that he is hot as a furnace. The king became happy and from then they became
immortalized. This actually happened.
88) One of my ancestors sold his one eye to buy a goggle as he reasoned out that once he wears the goggle no one would
know that he keeps change in one socket. This actually happened.
89) One of cousins once told Mark Zuckerberg that she prefers burying her Face in a Book than talking with him. Mark
Zuckerberg shut himself up his room for a few days and people say that he just coded till he fainted. This actually happened.
90) One of my uncles who was a psychologist first suggested to the USA military to connect computers to each other so that
they don't feel lonely. That led to what we call today as Internet. This actually happened.
91) In 1979 one of my uncles was teaching cricket to a young Soviet soldier near the Afghan border. My uncle hit a six and the
boy crossed the border to fetch the ball and the Afghans caught him. The Soviets told them to return him back and Afghans
told them the proverb "A boy in hand is worth two in/with the bush". Soviet tanks rolled into Afghanistan. This actually
happened.
92) One of my ancestors was so good at marketing that after Mahabharat war he showed a few Chinese the sight of Bhishma
riddled with arrows and told them that is called "Acute Puncturing" and that's what kept the old man alive the years. The
Chinese bought from him the technology and today we have acupuncture. This actually happened.
93) When caught cheating in an exam my cousin said that if multiple copies can be made of the question paper why can't he
make a single copy of the answer paper. This actually happened.
94) One of my ancestors once remarked that doctors are richer than engineers because engineers find the shortest path
algorithm for any problem and doctors practice the longest path algorithm for any patient. This actually happened.
95) One of my ancestors had to pee and Hamlet was taking his time and so my ancestor said the now famous but slightly
altered phrase "To Pee Or Not To Pee" to him. This actually happened.
96) One of my ancestors once told the British that in his village they follow a practice where the majority decides what the
minority has to do and they call it "DemonCracy". The British liked the concept and applied it everywhere. This actually
happened.
97) One of my aunts was a very interesting woman, when she used to gain weight she used to have a Mass Appeal and when
she lost it she used to have a Class Appeal. She worked right till her 50s in movies. This actually happened.
98) One of great grandfathers had great love for sharks and even wrote the now famous book "Sharks don't bark". This
actually happened.
99) One of my uncle's name is Madhu and he was from Sudan. When he moved to India and in spite of his begging everybody
started calling him Madhusudan, Madhusudan and so one day he shot all of them and still at large. Please be careful before
calling any Madhusudan as Madhusudan. This actually happened.
100) My uncle believed in Freedom of Speech so much that even though his dog used to bark all the time my uncle never tried
to stop him. This actually happened.
101) When the prince tried to kiss the Sleeping Beauty my aunt who liked to outdo men in everything jumped in and tried to
kiss the Beauty. Before my aunt could kiss the beauty got up and after that my aunt teased every man alive. The sleeping
beauty was so shocked that she never slept again. This actually happened.
102) One of my aunt used to call herself up and talk for hours so she was taken to the mental asylum where she is protested
that if a person talks to himself then there is no problem but if he calls himself up and talks then there is. This actually
happened.
103) King Kong was constantly boasting of his size to my uncle and this pissed off my uncle and so he suggested King Kong
that if he climbs the tallest building in New York and beats his chest his mother in Africa can see and hear him. Also he told
that he should show his mother his new found love. This actually happened.
104) One of my ancestors was a Bengali and he opened a shoe shop and called it "Boot Bangla" and let it got corrupted to
"Bhoot Bangla". People were very scared to go to any shop in that area. This actually happened.
105) When a British friend of my great grandfather mockingly offered my great grandfather a tissue paper roll my grandfather
said 'Save paper, Save Trees'. This actually happened.
106) One of my ancestors was fond of writing poems which no one would understand and when asked about the meaning of
the poems, he wrote even more poems in reply. His wife sold them off to a distant cousin Nostradamus who showed unusual
interest in them. This actually happened.
107)One of my ancestors was a gynecologist and he was also fond of making movies but above all he was a great person who
liked to share his happiness with others and so he laid the foundation of a now famous Industry. This actually happened.
108) One of my uncles was so committed to empowering women that he moved in with his in laws after marriage and then
became a House-Husband to take care of the house. Finally he eloped with his beautiful sister-in-law to empower her life. This
actually happened.
109) When my ancestor immigrated from America to India, the government took over his school of wizardry. The name of the
school was "Manglik Institute For Tantrics" aka MIT. This actually happened.
110) When one of my cousins used to go to his friend's house to play he used to find that his friend had the exact same toys
that he had. When he asked his Dad about it, his dad told him that Santa Claus gave the same toys to his friend. A few days
later he found his dad stuck in the chimney of his friends house. This actually happened.
111) My ancestor once told his wife to do tanning. She remarked Am I so fair?" and he said "I need leather shoes". This
actually happened.
112) One of my ancestors wanted some ice for his drink and so asked the ship captain to move the ship closer to the iceberg
so that he could chip some ice easily. He was always called as Titan Bhai after that voyage. This actually happened.
113) Everyone liked Devdasis but my ancestor liked Devdas. This actually happened.
114) One of my ancestors told their son that he is adopted. The son was so much moved that in gratitude he worked hard and
took care of them till they died. After their death he read a letter meant for him written by his father which said "Fool, you
weren't adopted. You couldn't figure that one out. Damn You!!". The day he read the letter was 1st April and from then the
tradition of April Fool started. This actually happened.
115) One of my cousins liked to play Board Games but no one was ready to play with him. So one day he bought a Ouija
Board and got so good at it that after that he got a lot of friends to play with whom he used to play for the entire day the rest of
his life. This actually happened.
116) When my uncle finally understood the GreenHouse Effect he repainted his Green Walls black. This actually happened.
117) When my grandfather finally understood gravity he refused to let his fat wife ever sleep on ground again because he was
frightened that her gravitational pull might throw him on ground while he was sleeping. This actually happened.
118) When my uncle was asked about the relationship between beauty and beast he said it is Temporal. When prodded he
said that "Beauty becomes beast after marriage". This actually happened.
119) One of my ancestor owned a house called "Bhaskar Vilas" and he could not give it on rent because a dog used to bark
everyday under the window. So my ancestor hired Sherlock Holmes to solve the mystery and that became the famous case
"The Hound of Baskervilles". This actually happened.
120) One of my ancestors was so much against abortion that he refused to even touch an Egg let alone eat it all throughout
his life. On top of that if he found someone eating an egg he used shout them "Murderers". This actually happened.
121) One of my great uncles was so particular about setting a standard for good manners that when he saw his wife cheating
on him in his bedroom; he knocked the door, entered inside, hanged his coat, apologized for disturbing them and then
introduced himself to the lover by giving his card; he requested his wife for the name of their dry cleaner and then shot both of
them with the silencer on so that the children don't wake up. This actually happened.
122) One of my ancestors once suggested that as in Communism the government becomes rich and in capitalism the
Industrialist, India should follow a Mixed Economy where both of them can become rich. This actually happened.
123) One of my Afghan ancestors was a famous social reformer who used to say "I will reform you or I will deform you!". The
Taliban found his doctrine inspiring. This actually happened.
124) When my ancestor was sentenced to death by hanging for singing late night the King asked him "How do you want us to
hang you?". My ancestor replied "Like a woman hangs a wet cloth over a rope". The King was so impressed by the answer
that he rewarded my ancestor. This actually happened.
125) One of my ancestors who used to live in Kalinga resembled King Ashoka and when Ashoka alone wandered in the
battlefield after the Kalinga war, my ancestor knocked him off and took his place. This actually happened.
126) One of my ancestors used to keep the cow and the calf held at the gun point with the help of his minions and then face
the bull as a Matador. He used to invite the bull to hit him and bull used to beg at his feet. This actually happened.
127) My ancestor Ketan was a big bully and so his family who were tired of him got him married to another bully Shanti. As
both could not bully each they decided to bully children and so opened a school called ShantiNiKetan. This actually happened.
128) One of my uncles used to go to a temple daily to pray for the long life and good health of the MLA of his area. He once
even organized a Pooja. When asked about the love he said that he had a firm belief that God always did the opposite of what
he asked for. This actually happened.
129) One of the ancestors advised that as Indians never learnt from history the Education Board should ensure that schools
teach History by never ever updating the syllabus of any subject taught being taught. This actually happened.
130) One of my cousins had nothing else to do so he stood for elections and as the people had nothing else to do they elected
him. This actually happened.
131) One of my black cousins always wanted to play the role of Snow White but she was never allowed. This actually
happened.
132) When my cousin's dog died she married. This actually happened.
133) One of my ancestors Prathmesh Chandre was the first man who greeted Armstrong when he landed on Moon. So for
record Armstrong is the first man to land on moon and Prathmesh Chandre was the first man to greet him. This actually
happened.
134) One of my uncles had a cute female dog who used to say "I Love You". When my uncle married my aunt she shot the
dog saying "No Bitch says I love you to MY husband". This actually happened.
135) One of my uncles had two wives and the wives didn't know about each other until the postman delivered a letter to the
wrong address. After that my uncle was so frightened of mails that he didn't even open an email account. This actually
happened.
136) My uncle followed "Love Thy Neighbor" diligently and loved his neighbor so much that they even had a child together.
137) When my cousin said 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' her Mom slapped her hard saying that Twinkle (Khanna) small or big
was never a star..She even changed her school. This actually happened.
138) My aunt accepted my uncles proposal saying "Aaaj Se Main Tere Angaan Ki Murgi Aur Tu Mere Plate Ka Murga, Agar
Teri Nazare Firi, Toh Main Banungi Durga". This actually happened.
139) One of my ancestors was the most modern detective of ancient times. He used to follow people on bullock cart and then
as there were no cameras he used to draw their paintings when they were indulging in crime and provide those as proof. If the
case was complicated then with him he used to also carry a group of artists who would witness the crime and then act it out
before the court. He had a lie detector crab for men and he had the charm that no woman used to lie to him. His name was
Jameshwar Bondey. This actually happened.
140) One of my aunts promised my uncle that she will never leave him for another man and then ran off with a woman. This
actually happened.
141) My ancestor proposed the now widely practiced custom of eradicating crime by not focusing on criminals instead putting
all innocents in prisons as innocents are easier to find and can seldom afford the lawyer fees. What can the criminals do when
all the innocents are in jail? This actually happened.
142) Mona Lisa had that strange expression on her face on the day of painting because my ancestor had threatened to
expose her as the infamous 'Mona On Lease'. This actually happened.
143) My Uncle liked Morning Walk and my Aunty liked Morning Talk. So my uncle asked her to talk while they walk but as he
was paying attention elsewhere she reminded him to Walk the Talk. So in all they were this perfect couple. This actually
happened.
144) When my Sheik cousin who had about 40 wives or so was asked about the number of wives he has he said four. When
prodded he said no matter how many wives a person has we are allowed to count only up till 4. This actually happened.
145) One of my uncles was the Thakur of Ramgarh and nobody paid any respect to Thakur.One day the Thakur found a
dynamite at an abandoned construction site and from that day he started carrying dynamite in his hands and threatened
people by saying "Might is Right and I have Dynamite". The people started respecting him but one Gabbar Shringarpure the
worker in a Bidi Factory accidently threw a half lighted match on the dynamite and from then on wards Thakur became what
we call while playing cards, as HANDLESS . Thakur's wife left him because she liked hands on experience which he couldn't
give. Thakur's daughter left him because now as he didn't have hands he couldn't possibly give her hand in the hand of
anyone else. Thakur's sons also left him as he couldn't sign or give thumb impression on the will. So from that day Thakur
became sworn enemy of Gabbar Shringarpure. This actually happened.
146) A crocodile used to befriend women by shedding tears with them while watching the Drama Serials and then entered
their house and ate them. When my great aunt caught the crocodile she advised everyone that they should not believe in
crocodile tears. This actually happened.
147) My cousin wanted to become a doctor and his father wanted him to become a businessman and so they had a
compromise and when he became a doctor they opened a hospital. This actually happened.
148) When the British left my great grandfather cried liked a child and blamed Gandhi, Nehru and others because he really
loved British... Women. This actually happened.
149)When my ancestor told his servant Ramu "Ramu , Gori Laa" , Ramu Obeyed. After an hour my ancestor was seen
running and a Gorilla was seen running after him. This actually happened.
150) My aunt was very fond of talking and only because of her my Uncle became the only zombie who had not died. This
actually happened.
151) When the teacher saw no difference in the homeworks of my two cousins they reminded her that they are twins. This
actually happened.
152) Inspired by my ancestor's personality Aryabhata invented Zero. This actually happened.
153) One of my uncles was in army and he used to throw grenades 'underarm' which needless to say caused a lot of
casualties in his company. When asked he said that he didn't know 'Overarm bowling' and from that time the government took
notice that sports are important. This actually happened.
154) One of my uncles had produced the film "Pyar Mein Kabhi Kabhi" and it flopped so he just changed a single letter in the
title and released it as "Pyar Mein Bhabhi Bhabhi" and it became a Bhaisan Junglee (more than diamond jubilee) hit in UP.
Then he similarly changed "Kabhi Haa Kabhi Naa". This actually happened ..
155) One of my aunts was extremely honest and so she started calling her husband as dog. This actually happened.
156) One of my cousins was a director and before he got married he directed movies like romantic movies like "Pyar Ka
Intezaar", "Pyar Pukare", "Love Aur Kya?" .. After he got married he suddenly started directing horror films like "Chudail Ka
Syamvar","Kaali Krupa", "Bali" , "Nar Bali"..Then after he became a father he started directing art films like "Akhir
Kyun?","Kisne Kahan Tha","Umar Qaid"..Then when he got divorced he started directing uplifting themes like "Sapnay Poore
Honge","Nirash Mat Hone","Ilaaj Hain, Koshish Karo" .. This actually happened.
157) Before marriage my uncle told my aunt that he worked for Google Security. After marriage she found that he worked for
building security. This actually happened.
158) My uncle had a Chinese cook and he my uncle suspected that he is trying to poison him so he asked the cook to taste
the food before serving him and cook refused saying "Look at our restaurants , we never eat what we serve you". This actually
happened.
159) Cleopatra wanted to make a Mummy out of my ancestor but he made her a Mommy first. They lived happily ever after.
160) My great ancestor Yudhisthir while gambling had this great idea "Yeh Draupadi Merey Saath Kam Time Gujarti Hain Aur
Paanch Logon Ka Khana Bhi Khati Hain, Toh Ese Daav Par Lagata Hoon. Par Esse Lagane Ke Pehle Merey Saare Bhaiyon
Ko Lagaunga Taki Koi Merey Prastaav Ko Ka Opposition Na Kare. Aur Mujhpar Shaq Na Jaye Esliye Main Khood Ko Bhi
Daav Par Laga Lunga ...hehe hehe".. This actually happened .
161) When my uncle bought a dog and this dog always used to sit on the chair and refused to leave it for any rhyme or reason.
On top of that the dog started barking on the people in the house and was very nice to strangers. The dog used to be in every
family photo, every family party and barked his way in to all discussions. The dog also would not let anyone eat unless that
person fed him a big portion of his food. Up on investigation it was found that the dog's former owner was a Politician. This
actually happened.
162) When asked about the big family that my uncle had he attributed that to his habit of forgetting small things and his wife's
nature of forgiving big mistakes. This actually happened.
163) My ancestor Hannibal was so friendly that he used to invite strangers to his house and they liked him so much that they
stayed there forever and never did once even venture out. This actually happened.
164) One of my uncles was an animal lover and he used to gift his Chinese friend Chang animals and Chang just ate them. So
once my uncle sent him on his birthday a surprise gift from Amazon (River) and when he opened it the hungry crocodile ate
him. This actually happened.
165) One of my uncles who was a little hard of hearing took the first flight to Japan and started working for Nissan without pay
when he heard Shri Lal Bahadur Shashtri say on the radio "Jai Japan Jai Nissan". This actually happened.
166) One my great ancestor had a pet crow and crow was more handsome and humorous than her husband and so he got all
her attention. Her husband became very jealous and to scare the crow off he used to put hay on his body and stand still
outside the house and that really scared the crow. The people around him started renting him out to scare off other birds and
as the demand grew he started making mannequins of himself and marketed them calling them "Scarecrow". This actually
happened.
167) One of my uncles who works for Government Health Services suggested to the Government that if Water is safe for small
bacteria then it can't harm humans who are thousand times bigger and stronger. So the Government declared all tap water
safe for drinking. This actually happened.
168) My Aunt and her Mother In Law loved each other like best friends and they used to pay compliments to other and
exchanged gifts with each other for every small occasion. Unfortunately once both the gifts exploded at the same time and
now they are no more. This actually happened.
169) One of my uncles prescribed turmeric for everything and finally he wrote his Magnum Opus "Home Remedies: A Pinch of
Turmeric For Shark Bite". This actually happened.
170) When Alexander entered India he met my ancestor and expressed his desire to rule India and then my ancestor told "It is
easy to rule over Indians but impossible to govern. The joke will be on you". This actually happened.
171) One of my uncles was a very caring, loving and faithful man but still his wife divorced him. Just that he was caring
towards his wife, loving towards his neighbor and faithful to his secretary. This actually happened.
172) When the nun said God is inside each one us my uncle replied that it would easier for him to get inside her and reach
God then cut himself open. The nun married him. This actually happened.
173)When one of my cousins a wannabe actress was asked about the Casting Couch she told that it can't be worst than her
husband's Lasting Pouch. This actually happened.
174) When my uncle gambled on his own money people called him a gambler and avoided him then when he started gambling
with other people's money people started calling him a Investment Portfolio Manager. This actually happened.
175) One of my Bohra ancestors Robby Hudda used to sell clothes at exorbitant prices to rich people of England and distribute
free clothes to poor. Finally the rich plotted against him and he had to escape to the nearby Sherwood forest and he started
robbing rich to help the poor and himself. Soon the British anglicized the name of this thief to Robbing Hood (just like they do
to everything ...) and then it was shortened to Robin Hood. This actually happened.
176) Stephen Hawking attended my Samay uncle's first wedding and my uncle got a divorce in day, inspired by that Stephen
wrote "A Brief History of Time". Then when my uncle's second wedding lasted for a few hours Stephen came up with the title
"A Briefer History of Time". This actually happened.
177) My grandfather bought the dogs of Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini. Hitler's dog started only barking first and then slowly
started biting strangers. Stalin's dog bit the entire house members but strangely never used to bark. Mussolini's dog just
copied both of them but mostly just ran after the bitches. But slowly when they started socializing with the my grandfather's
Indian dog MotiChur they all started sleeping long hours , eating veggie food and each one them fathered a lot puppies and
finally acted in Bollywood movies and died a peaceful death ..This actually happened.
178) My great grandfather once advised Reserve Bank to make Cow instead of Rupee and use Chicken instead of Paisa
because then even if the currency became completely devalued, the person can have milk and eggs for breakfast. This
actually happened.
179) Once my uncle bought an owl from a Chinese guy to keep as a pet. The owl was beautiful but it simply didn't move or eat
or didn't do whatever an owl does. So my uncle got it exorcised but still the owl didn't budge. Finally my uncle deduced that
may be the owl has died and decided to bury it and while he was laying the owl in the coffin he saw the words "Made in China"
at the bottom of the owl. From that day my uncle became a sworn enemy of Owls. This actually happened.
180) My cousin knew everything about printers and when asked what inspired him to learn so much he said that his father
didn't know how to print paper on both sides and so used to staple or paste the separate sides. The cops didn't like it and he
got a large jail term. On asked why the cops objected, he said that his father used to print Dollar Bills. This actually happened.
181) When my good looking aunt used to go to stay in her Brother In Laws house there were frequent power cuts. This
actually happened.
182) My uncle used to love Jalebi so much that he ran away with her. This actually happened.
183) One of my great aunts Amrit Kaur told Alexander the Great in front of his army "Oye!! Alexander, you are such a smart
and genius man. Are you from Chandigarh? My uncle stays there and he has an even bigger army". This embarrassed
Alexander so much that he left India. This actually happened.
184) One of my uncles profession was Lawyer's Eyewitness and he made a fortune. This actually happened.
185) One of my aunt was very particular about Karva Chauth so her husband used to fast for the whole day and dress up in
his marriage suit and wait for the Moon to be visible and then after seeing the reflection of my aunt used to break his fast. This
actually happened.
186) My uncle always fought for gay rights because he believed that no man has to guts to say to a gay that he is wrong
anyways. This actually happened.
187) My uncle once opened a Sushi Shop in India and sold Sushi saying that Sushi is an acquired taste just like an Indian
marriage. This actually happened.
188) One of my uncles Mummu Joseph from Kerala used to argue with everyone that "Nariyal Paani Nahin; Nariyal Ka Khoon
Jee, Humara Body Mein Khoon Aur Nariyal Ke Baady Mein Paani , Yeh Kaunsa Insaaf Jee?" This actually happened.
189) One of my ancestors distributed his news paper "Jaagte Rahon" by knocking on people's door at night. This actually
happened.
190) One of my uncles had an American friend and once the American Friend called my uncle and said that his new laptop is
not working so my uncle asked him to plug in the power cord. The American was so impressed that even his friends started
calling my uncle whenever there is any computer related problem. So my uncle made a group other typists in his company and
started the first call center called "MahaKal Center". This actually happened.
191) Once my great ancestor aunt threw my uncle out of the house and his British friend offered him a choice between a Villa
and a Chteau and my uncle remarked "BeGhars are not choosers yet if you insist I will stay in both".. This actually happened.
192) One of my ancestors was so fond of charity that he opened a printing press in his house and distributed money in poor
people. This actually happened.
193) When caught in a shower with a neighbor my ancestor said just one word and that is "Happy Holi". This actually
happened.
194) One of my aunties opened a political party which had only women members and called it "United Women Party". This
actually happened.
195) One of my uncles showed his passport and the visa card at the immigration and they let him in. By the way I am talking
about Somalia. This actually happened.
196) One of my uncles used to walk so fast that many people reported to have seen him at different places at the same time.
Soon some people started calling him Japani Kakaa. This actually happened.
197) One of my ancestors was a Geography teacher and he named his two daughters Universe and World. So people started
calling them Miss Universe and Miss World and once in a local beauty pageant where my ancestor was the judge Miss
Universe came first and Miss World came second. This actually happened.
198) When my cousin proposed the college babe she said that he can't even get a notary but expects a lottery. So he got
pissed off and married the notary. This actually happened.
199) My uncle once told that Indians are the fittest in the whole world as they can walk faster than their cars and trains. This
actually happened.
200) My uncle who loves Whisky once asked the government to remove all the taxes from liquor and cigarettes and put them
on food and water. He reasoned that no one has ever wasted liquor or a cigar but people do waste food and water, punish
them. This actually happened.
201) One of my Konkani ancestor Adi Vertere, when he became old lost his mind and started entering theaters and spoke
about different products and services intermittently. He was so entertaining that people started started to come to theaters for
him and different merchants started paying him for talking about their products and soon he also started bringing hanging
around with good looking girls. This actually happened.
202) My aunt filed for divorce when she found that her husband has a different blood group saying that she didn't want a man
who is not on her side. Later she forgave him when he proved that it was a mistake on the doctor's part. This actually
happened.
203) My uncle suggested that Opium weighed in pounds should be recognized as the official currency of Afghanistan because
then the same warlords will work on preventing drug abuse and we will save money on chasing the criminals. This actually
happened.
204) When one of cousin's father refused to allow him to play an hour extra he got "Mera Baap Bore Hain Aur Maa Bhi"tattoed
on his hand. This actually happened.
205) When Karl Marx talked about Communism my great great uncle Tatya Capital retorted with the words that "Symmetry can
only be achieved in a Cemetry". This actually happened.
206) When my aunt beat up my uncle he called Social Security Office and asked for bodyguards when they refused he argued
that he pays for Social Security every pay check. This actually happened.
207) When the taxman told my ancestor that tax and death are certain then my ancestor asked him to collect taxes from him
after he has died. This actually happened.
208) When the politician asked my uncle for vote my uncle asked him to return back the vote that he had casted last time. This
actually happened.
209) My ancestor was one of the trusted advisers of Shahajahan and Shahajahan's wife Mumtaz always wanted attention or
actually craved and lived for attention. So after Mumtaz died her ghost used to haunt Shahajahan and used to say to him "I
NEED ATTENTION" so my ancestor advised him to build Taj Mahal so that all the world's attention goes to her. This actually
happened.
210) My ancestor used to lean against the tower of Pisa while waiting for his girlfriend PizzaRani and one day his girlfriend
wore such an awesome outfit and that made him lean even more on the tower which also leaned and from then the tower was
known as "Leaning Tower of Pisa". This actually happened.
211) My uncle who was a politician was so fond of elections that in his constituency he used to count the votes himself and
apparently people liked his enthusiasm so much that he won every time. This actually happened.
212) One of my uncles who is from Patna and whose name is Pralay Kumar had an alter ego named Superhero PralayNath
Pushpa and he used to tackle crime by flooding criminal dens by messing up their water pipes or reciting ancient scriptures to
make the rivers flood. Once the criminals ran from their dens cops used to fire at them. In this way the Government of Bihar
managed to control crime in their state. This actually happened.
213) My uncle opened the now famous KITMEE (Kuber Institute of Technology Management Etc Etc) and its speciality was
that once you do a Bachelors from this institute you would be Bachelor forever. Almost all the engineering colleges in some
way or the other are inspired by this institute. This actually happened.
214) One of my ancestors whose name was Jack got high on the plane and forced them to land it in his hometown and the
newspaper said that the plane has been hijacked. This actually happened.
215) My uncle always knew when my aunt was right because she was always right unless she was taking a left turn and even
then she was right because it was the GPS that corrected it's mistake by suggesting an alternate route. This actually
happened.
216) My uncle once lovingly convinced his boss to keep all employees saying that if he laid off everyone in the workplace then
there would none left to hear his shrieks. This actually happened.
217) When one of my uncles was once nearly caught carrying cocaine at the airport he escaped saying that "Maa Ne Safed
Besan Ke Laddu Diye The, Sir Flight Crowded Tha Aur Crush Ho Gaye". This actually happened .
218) My cousin Rose Jhootbole used to make her husband fulfill her every wish by saying "If you are not impressing me then
you are suppressing me". This actually happened.
219) I had an uncle who used to be an Income Tax Officer and when he used to raid any house the typical conversation would
be like:
Man at the door: Aap Yahan Aaye Kis Liye?

Income Tax Officer: Aapne Bulaya Es Liye
Man at the door: Aaaye Hain Toh Kaam Bhi Bataiyee
Income Tax Officer: Pehle Zara Aap Muskurayiye
Then after raiding a few Bollywood people my uncle heard that this became a song. This actually happened.
220) One of my uncles used to cheer up his son saying that "You might not have a billion or be the one in billions but you are
one of my billions". This actually happened.
221) When Neha Dhupia said that "Only Sex or Shahrukh sells" one of my aunts asked her if there is any discount on the
Combo. This actually happened.
222) One of my aunts married a Vietnamese national whose name was 'Po Pat Bangaaya' and she allowed him to keep the
name and made him introduce himself to everyone. This actually happened.
223) One of my uncles saw 'Enter the Dragon' more than 25,000 times to spot the dragon. Though he could not find the
dragon he learnt martial arts by seeing the film that many times and then he opened a school named "Bruce Lee Kimaalee".
224) One of my ancestors divorced his wife because their children looked like his twin brother. He took her back only when his
twin brother had children looking like him. This actually happened.
225) One of my ancestors Chatterjee alway used to carry his brother Banerjee on his shoulder in the classroom because there
was always a 'Ban On Chat' in place. This actually happened.

226) My uncle once suggested the government to outsource the work of printing currency and passport to our neighboring
country as they are already doing it free of cost. This actually happened.
227) Whenever my uncle wanted boiled eggs my aunty used to talk to the eggs for a few minutes. When he wanted omelet my
aunty used to talk to the eggs about calling her mom over. This actually happened.
228) My uncle used to always think big and that was confirmed the minute any one looked at his wife. This actually happened.
229) One of my uncles was a very famous Rockstar and he was famous because he looked like a Rock and dressed liked a
star. This actually happened.
230) One of my ancestors was so funny that even the doctor didn't take him seriously when he was admitted in the ICU. This
actually happened.
231) One of my ancestors who was a famous restaurateur was once asked to server Boneless Chicken Wings by a Brit and so
my ancestor went all around the world to find a boneless chicken and he actually found human size boneless chicken. When
he was about to kill it, the chicken escaped and roamed around disguised as a man and later it got elected as the Premier.
232) One of my ancestor was frying Kosher Batata Vada in Israel and Gullu Dada (aka Goliath) who was about 15 feet took all
the vadas forcibly and so my ancestor asked David Thambi to ask him for money. Gullu hit David and then my ancestor told
him "Maa Ka Doodh Piya Hain David Toh Bhagwan Ka Naam Leke Utha Teri Bechki (Sling) Aur Pathar Leke Gullu Ke Mathe
Par Aim Kar". This actually happened.
233) One of my ancestors used to live in Karachi and he once invented a robot and he named the robot Bhikaji and Bhikaji
used to go all around the world begging for money and spend it on himself. So my ancestor made many such robots and they
all too started begging and spending it on themselves. Then in 1947 my ancestor in frustration left them all there in Pakistan
and came here. The robots remained behind and from then onwards became the ruling elite of Pakistan. This actually
happened .
234) One of my uncles who is a Malayali was once asked by a Sheik whether he can speak Arabic to which my uncle retorted
and said "Yes, but you have to be a Malayali to understand it". This actually happened.
235)One of my uncles had a sign outside his house after the IT raid and the sign read " The Dog only barks and the Owner
only bites so please help us learn from each other". This actually happened.
236) My uncle used Lifebuoy and so my aunt used a boy. This actually happened.
237) One of my ancestor became so excited by India's freedom that he followed British to England and started fighting for
England's freedom from the British rule. This actually happened.
238) One of my ancestors built the world's tallest well and his wife was so frustrated drawing water from it, that she destroyed
it and then my ancestor calmed himself and his wife by saying "All well that ends well" and after that it became a proverb. This
actually happened.
239) One of my ancestors named Yoga Bhauji was frightened of keeping his legs on ground when he sat, so he used to curl
them around his neck and that increased the blood supply to his brain and he lived hundreds of years. This actually happened.
240) One of my ancestors named Guinness used to tell so many unbelievable things that he did, that people started recording
what he said for the future generations to refer and marvel. Today they are known as Guinness records. This actually
happened.
241) One of my ancestors was the first person to proclaim that earth is round and has a diameter of 7,918 miles, he had ran
from his wife and ran those many miles and bumped in to her again. This actually happened.
242) One of my ancestors co wrote the book "Bharat Ek Khoj Aur Uske Neta Ek Bojh" with Pandit Nehru but only half of it got
published and only Panditji got the credit. This actually happened.
243)One of my ancestors used to tell a lot of fictional stories and people used to believe them. Then once he lost the ability to
speak and but being my ancestor he never gave up. He started writing them on paper and copied and distributed them
everywhere. Today we call those as newspapers. This actually happened.
244) One of my ancestors who was a vampire refused to dine in with Managers for ethical reasons. He said that he drinks
blood because it required and Managers bleed a person to death for fun. This actually happened.
245) One of my uncles was the famous Jewish superhero KosherMan and so he only used to protect private financial
institutions from everyone. This actually happened .
246) One of my uncles was so cool that people said that he is the coldest man alive. This actually happened.
247) One of my uncles directed the now famous Telugu movie 'Bangaram: Dark Night Rajesh' and Christopher Nolan copied it
and release Batman: Dark Night Rises. This actually happened.
248)One of my aunts was the lead in the famous Indo-Russian female Superhero film called "Chernobyl Champa". This
actually happened.
249) One of my uncles was so environment conscious that he opened a library with a few thousand copies of a single book
and the book was about recycling paper to save trees. This actually happened.
250) One of my ancestors was abducted by aliens and they left him back after profusely apologizing for mistakenly abducting
one of their own. This actually happened.
251) One of my ancestors in order to impress his girlfriend learnt on his own and started playing guitar professionally even
before it was invented. This actually happened.
252) One of my ancestor who was a Dictator in Middle East was once bitten by my mosquito and so he along with that
mosquito hanged the entire extended family of the mosquito and no mosquito ever bit anyone in his land. This actually
happened.
253) One of my ancestor Bubloo used to get a kick out of chewing tree sap and once when he was chewing the tree sap he
burped and a bubble blew out of his mouth and from then the tree sap was called Bubble Gum. This actually happened.
254) My uncle was so fond of dogs that he called his dog his son and his son his dog. This actually happened.
255)Queen Victoria wanted to rule to whole world and so my ancestor told her not to keep any secrets and then she can win
the heart of all men. So she opened Victoria's Secret. This actually happened.
256) One of my uncles Pervert Shetty put Shilpa Shetty posters on the walls of his Udipi restaurant and he was debarred by
other Shettys for serving Non Veg. Then when Shilpa Shetty opened an Udipi restaurant they all realized their mistake and my
uncle was was again admitted. This actually happened.
257) One of my ancestors 'Niranjan Jha' was superstitious about showing his face and so used to wear a burqa. People found
it strange and banished him and so he went to Japan were nothing is considered abnormal and was employed as a mercenary
by Japanese warlords. Soon he got a lot of followers and all of them were called "Ninjas". This actually happened.
258) One of my ancestors used to bully Einstein by splitting anything anyone gave to him in to half. Once they took it too far.
259) One of my uncles was always there for everyone, once his neighbor wanted a son and my uncle was there for her too.
260) One of my ancestors sold a first class railway ticket to Mr. Gandhi in South Africa just because his Manager told him not
to do that. This actually happened.
261) One of my ancestors was shipwrecked with 16 other people and he alone reached the coast after 300 days and asked for
dessert. This actually happened.
262)One of my ancestors Sandeep Kumar was so handsome that all people used to say "Beauty is only Sandeep". This soon
became corrupted as "Beauty is only Skin Deep". This actually happened.
263) One of my uncles who was a politician had a dog who would only eat his food if served under the table. The dog would
also always bite the person who would film him while eating. This actually happened.
264) One of my uncles sent a letter asking Taliban about why they banned everything but not clapping. This actually
happened.
265) One of my ancestors invented the first hot air balloon and tried to sell them but no one was buying them because they
couldn't wrap their head around it's practical application. So for publicity he asked his beloved wife to travel in one and she
disappeared in the skies. From that time people started buying hot air balloons and they became immensely popular. This
actually happened.
266) One of my great aunts was the blonde haired HEMA and she always felt like a man and so she had a sex change. After
that she felt so liberating that she started fighting the evil. She/He always used to carry a sword with her. You people know her
as "He-Man". This actually happened.
267) One of my ancestors had his birthday on Feb 29th and so he used to write his age as 16 years even when he was 64. He
dated a lot of girls. This actually happened.
268) One of my ancestor's village had only one toilet and so everybody used to run towards it in the morning. Many people
from the neighboring villages used to come to watch this race. The name of the village was "Olympia". This actually happened.
269) One of my ancestors called Achaari used to steal raw vegetables , salt and cooking oil from different houses and store
them together in air tight jars for fun, which in turn he used to bury inside the ground. When people found him and their food ,
one of them tasted the vegetables and instead of killing him they honored him as the person who invented pickles. This
actually happened.
270) One of my uncles when he was a student found Shanti and Ketan romancing under a tree and so he asked his teacher
about what they were doing. The teacher said they were studying and so my uncle said he would also want to study that
subject. Soon there was a rebellion in the school and finally the school agreed that hence forth all children will study under the
trees. The school was named as ShantiNiKetan. This actually happened.
271) One of my aunts had a daughter in law named Radha and Radha pissed off my aunt so much that she used to carry an
empty Ghaslet container and roam after Radha saying "Radha Kaisa Na Jaale, Bina Ghaslet Ke, Aaag Tan Main Lage.. Radha
Kaise Na Jale". They were neighbours of Ashutosh Gowarikar who copied these lyrics with minor changes. This actually
happened.
272) My ancestors Kaka and his wife Kala once made a secret brew 'Kaka Kala' for Non Drinkers to drink so that even they
can pretend to have a life but the village headman Tharkey Thakur drove them out because he wanted more customers for his
Beer-Dance Bar Business. Finally the couple landed in America and now we all know that concoction as Coco Cola. This
actually happened.
273) One of my ancestors who lived at the time of dinosaurs had a fiery chicken called Rakhee Sawant and once that chicken
laid an egg (don't ask about the father!!). She asked her dinosaur friend to warm the egg while she would do her chores. The
dinosaur sat on the egg and the egg burst and this pissed off Rakhee so much that she killed all the dinosaurs by accusing
every male dinosaur of having an affair with her and getting them killed by the female. Then she simply made the female
dinosaurs feel bad about what they did and drove them to mass extinction through great depression. This actually happened
and it was all planned by Rakhee and my ancestor.
274) One of my ancestors used to love Alice a lot and so he proposed her and she rejected him and so he pushed her and she
went down this hole and when later whoever talked to her she started talking about talking caterpillar, disappearing cats, mad
hatter and all. As no other boy was ready to marry, my ancestor got married to her and they had an entertaining and happy life
ever after. He called his house Wonderland. This actually happened.
275) One of my ancestors was so kind a serial killer that he tickled his victims the tax collectors to death. When he was
caught the unfair judge made him cut onions till he died crying. From that day everyone started saying that justice is blind. This
actually happened.

276) One of my uncles never used to answer his work phone but always used to be first to answer his manager's work phone,
so the company owner was so impressed by his work ethics that he got promoted above his Manager. This actually happened.
277) One of my ancestors in the prehistoric times really liked to show off and so when all others were walking using their
hands too, he alone stood up on his two legs and started walking. Then the others joined him .This actually happened.
278) One of my ancestors was of Afro American ethnicity and was employed by a British Couple. When the husband returned
home after a voyage of about an year he saw his wife holding a baby which resembled my ancestor. When my ancestor was
asked about it to my ancestor simply replied "Your wife asked me to show some powerful Black Magic".That's how it entered
the English lexicon. This actually happened ..
279) One of my uncles used to tell a lot of horror stories to five siblings named Kumar,Keshu,Tulsi,Kiran and Shyam. Today
you all know them as Ramsay brothers. This actually happened.
280) One of my great aunts was so happy after boarding an aircraft that she started greeting everyone on the plane and also
served everyone her homemade food. Pleased by her hospitality the airlines made her the first air hostess. This actually
happened.
281) One of my Japanese ancestor's wife went mad when she realized that the loving , caring and always listening husband
was actually a decoy robot built by her husband so that he can spend time with a geisha. However she lost it completely when
she learnt that her extremely mean and demanding mother in law was also a robot. This actually happened.
282) One of my ancestors found out that when Hitler was a child he used to go to a dentist who was a Jew and this is the
biggest secret that all Allied powers have kept hidden. This actually happened.
283) Once my uncle's online Nigerian friend RokadaLeke Chubanake Leliyaa asked him to write an email to God asking for
money and then God answered back and asked him to send some money to him in Nigeria so that his some unknown
relative's fortune becomes his. My uncle became a misotheist after he didn't receive back any reply after he sent the money.
284) In the 18th Century one of my ancestors was going to get the contract of building the London Bridge but his rival bribed
his way to get it. So when the bridge was completed my ancestor spread the now famous rumor that "London Bridge Is Falling
Down" and the rival had to declare bankruptcy. This actually happened.
285) One of my uncles once went to a zoo with his wife and when he back from that day onwards he never could enter the
bath tub. His wife would be lying in the bath tub for the whole day. After many years when he could not stand that any longer ,
he asked his wife about her behavior. She first refused to say anything but finally she told him that she is not his wife and that
she is a hippo. She had trapped his wife in the hippo cage and taken her place, but now she really loves him. My uncle
accepted her and they lived happily ever after. This actually happened.
286) When one of my ancestors was told that World War 1 has started he immediately started fighting with everyone around
him and stopped only when the war ended. This actually happened.
287) One of my great great aunts "Kini Bai" used to wear very skimpy clothes and swim in village pond. When the village
people asked her about her clothes she said that she is wearing a new type of clothing designed by her called "Bai Kini". We
all know how famous this has become now..This actually happened.
288) One of my uncles composed the first Taliban Rock song by making liberal use of dynamite and blasting Hindukush. This
actually happened.
289) One of my uncles Talib Chacha got very less marks in his board exam and so could not become an Electronic engineer
and so he went to Kandahar Institute of 'Mining' and well is now a Miner. This actually happened.
290) Once one of my uncles met a Chinese guy with a great sense of humor and when he said that to his doctor the doctor
immediately admitted him in the ER for traumatic brain injury. This actually happened.
291) When one of my uncles the King of Kantapoor was threatened by a superpower that they would send unmanned aircrafts
to attack him, he promised to send unmanned infantry and cavalry. The superpower was so scared that it holds back its attack.
292) Once one of my uncles invented a potion to make himself invisible and due to some mistake in the formula it so
happened that he could not see himself but all others could see him. At first he was frustrated but then he became a minister
and lived happily ever after. This actually happened.
293) One of my uncles who was a martial arts expert warned the government to not build a dam near his house and still the
government did it. So he wore his favorite jeans and borrowed a van and hit the dam with the van. This destroyed the dam and
from that day all the relieved farmers in his village started calling him "Jean Clad Van Dam". This actually happened.
294) One of my uncles at the end of the 19th Century was selling boxers in Shandong, China and the British came to him shop
and demanded an extra large boxer to smuggle in opium. My uncle told them a boxer of that size is not available in entire
China, this made the British very angry and they made him close the shop. So he became very angry and told the Chinese
about the opium smuggling and started the 'Boxer Rebellion'. This actually happened.
295) One of my ancestors India Kumar in 1942 used to live next to a Britisher in Mumbai.India Kumar used to do Riyaaz for
the whole day and this pissed off the British so he started shouting "Quiet India","Quiet India"... This frustrated my ancestor so
much that he started shouting "Quit India", "Quit India". Furthermore he called up his friend MK and told him the whole thing.
296) One of my aunts was married to two men and this was during the cool Mahabharat times. Both the husbands used to
work at the same place and one of them always used to reach home before the other and the name of that guy was
Pythagoras. This actually happened .
297) One of my ancestors considered himself to be the greatest cook and was usually hired as a Chef on ships making
voyages round the world. Once his ship captain was James Cook and everyone used to address him Captain Cook and this
incensed my ancestor because he was the best cook in the world and this captain who couldn't cook a mussel was addressed
as Captain Cook in his presence. So he bribed the natives to explain Captain Cook his anguish in their own way. This actually
happened.
298) One of my great great aunts Sindhu Lele always wanted to marry a rich man and so she used to go uninvited and
wearing a mask to the late night parties of rich men an dance with them. She used to make an excuse and rush home and
used to leave her glass chappals at the party. Once one rich prince , the Prince of Kantapoor became enamored with this lady
and was roaming around with the chappal and the chappal were a perfect match for her foot. So they married and she lived
happily ever after. This actually happened ..
299) One of my uncles was the only well read politician of his time, he actually knew his real father's name. This actually
happened .
300) When Columbus landed on the shores of America he met my ancestor and his followers who had applied red Gulaal on
their faces and were going to the shore to do Ganpati Visarjan. My ancestor even asked Columbus to park his ships
somewhere else, which he did. My ancestor introduced himself and his friends as the first people to travel to America through
Kesari Travels. Looking at their red faces Columbus started calling the natives as Red Indians. This actually happened.
301) One of my ancestor was a pirate and once he abducted the singer along with the music troupe from the king's palace and
then on wards he was called a "Music Pirate" and that started the music piracy. This actually happened.
302) One of my ancestors invented the older version of 'Curiosity rover' and he used to drive it around the neighborhood and
as a sport he used to run down all the cats in the neighborhood. From that day on wards people whenever people see a dead
cat they can't help saying that "Curiosity killed the cat". This actually happened.
303) One of my ancestors got Houdini married and from that trap Houdini could never escape. This actually happened.
304) One of my ancestors called Peter Panwallah from NevereSthan of Goa remained young forever and people said he
could fly. He married Wendy Aunty who was 70 years older than him and they had kids. This actually happened.
305) One of my ancestors Balram had a pen friend named Brutus in Rome and Balram always used to motivate his friend to
compete with others and convert stress from peer pressure into opportunity. So one day when Brutus saw the senators trying
to kill the Caeser , he didn't want to be left behind and so he also joined them and seeing that Caeser was surprised and then
Caeser uttered the famous dialogue "Et Tu Brutus". This actually happened.
306) Obama is actually the son of my uncle Mr Obbaya and aunty Mrs Ammaiya, who are from Vijaywada of India ,Obama
looks like he is Afro American because the recessive African genes in both the parents got activated. As all of us are originally
from Africa, this actually happened.
307) One of my ancestors Xerox Kaapi Iyer used to write with both the hands at the same time and so writers used to tell him
to write their books because he would give them two copies of the book at the same time for the price of one. This actually
happened ..
308) Once one of my ancestors named Jatayu participated in a fancy dress competition and dressed up as a vulture and won
the first price. He became so excited that from that day he refused to remove the clothes and always sat on a giant tree
overlooking the India-Lanka highway. This actually happened ..
309) One of my ancestors was such a good actor that he used to perform the role of both Draupadi and Dushashan in all the
local Mahabharat plays. The concept of double role is credited to him. This actually happened ..
310) One of my great great grandmother was very forgetful in nature and she is used to prepare the coffee and then because
she had forgotten to filter the water first she then used filter the coffee to make sure that the water is potable. This inspired the
concept of filter coffee. This actually happened..
311) One of my ancestors pet peacock used to go and sit on Shahajahan's throne and from that day Shahajahan's throne was
known as peacock throne. This actually happened ..
312) One of my ancestors name was Avatar and he declared that he was a living Avatar of himself and so he was highly
venerated. This actually happened ..
313) One of my great great grandmother used to cook any kind of food very fast because she was born with extra pair of
hands and from there the concept of Fast Food started. This actually happened ..
314) One of my ancestors was born blind and a female surgeon operated on his eyes when he became 18 and then when the
blindfold was removed he fell in love with the surgeon and they got married. From there people started believing in 'Love at
First Sight'. This actually happened ..
315) One of my great great grandmother was so good at imitating animals that when she started howling like a female wolf , a
male wolf left his pack and started following her and protecting her. Soon it became entirely domesticated and from that time
people started domesticating wolves which in turn have evolved in to dogs today. This actually happened ..
316) One of my ancestors wife always believed that her husband never lies to her and so the husband started coaching other
people in this art for marital happiness. This started the culture of acting classes. This actually happened ..
317) One of my ancestors known as Vellan had a studio which he used to rent out to theater groups. If the theater people
didn't pay the rent Vellan used to enter the stage at the end scene, beat up the hero and run away with the heroine. From
there the concept of Villain started. This actually happened ..
318) One of my great great ancestor used to sit at the village center and lecture all people about what they should and should
not do in their life. He spared no one, neither the king nor the subjects and that lead to the first public university. This actually
happened ..
319) On of my great great ancestor used to only believe in doing one thing at a time , so even when televion was introduced
he used to hear the radio saying that listening and seeing are different activities. Finally when he did started watching the
televion he used to mute and watch it. This actually happened ..
320) One of ancestors use to consider self interest so important that he used to lend himself a lot of money
on a really high interest rate. This actually happened ..
321) One of my uncles invented moon roof for cars in America so that he could show America from top also
when his parents visited him. This actually happened.
322) One of my uncles was smoking while watching a match between Australia and England and because
there was no ash tray he dropped the ash inside the trophy and from that time the tournament is called "The
Ashes". This actually happened ..
323) One of my aunts used to gatecrash in to film shootings and dance in the background when the lead
pair was romancing, from their the culture of 'extras' in dance originated. This actually happened ..
324) One of my Australian aunts once showed her husband to a doctor complaining that her husband keeps
on hopping instead of doing whatever she tells him to do and that was unusual. It was then discovered that it
was not her husband but a new species and her husband was locked in the bathroom by it. This lead to the
discovery of kangaroo. This actually happened ..
325) One of my great aunts 'Kunda Lini' from Manchuria used to coil like a snake before snapping at any
person who used to disturb while she was dozing off at work, from there the concept of Kundalini originated.
326) One of my great uncles used to have his meals on his bicycle and was always amazingly fit and
healthy, from there the concept of Balanced Diet originated. This actually happened ..
327) One of my ancestors always used to look at the big picture first and so in his childhood he first learnt to
read and write the sentences and then the words and then he learnt the alphabets (..finer details later). This
actually happened ..
328) When one on my ancestor incidently died on the same day that he was born, the idea of celebrating
birthdays was started by his wife! This actually happened ...

Balle Kumar's Universe - 9

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Balle Kumar's Universe - 9

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Contents

This Actually Happened Series 125 ..............................................................................................................1

This Actually Happened Series 125

This Actually Happened Series 2650

This Actually Happened Series 5175

This Actually Happened Series 76100

This Actually Happened Series 101125

This Actually Happened Series 126150

This Actually Happened Series 151175

This Actually Happened Series 176200

This Actually Happened Series 201225

Man at the door: Aap Yahan Aaye Kis Liye?

This Actually Happened Series 226250

This Actually Happened Series 276300

You might also like

Balle Kumar&#39;s Universe - 9

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Copyright

Share this document

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Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Balle Kumar&#39;s Universe - 9

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Contents

This Actually Happened Series 125 ..............................................................................................................1

This Actually Happened Series 125

This Actually Happened Series 2650

This Actually Happened Series 5175

This Actually Happened Series 76100

This Actually Happened Series 101125

This Actually Happened Series 126150

This Actually Happened Series 151175

This Actually Happened Series 176200

This Actually Happened Series 201225

Man at the door: Aap Yahan Aaye Kis Liye?

This Actually Happened Series 226250

This Actually Happened Series 276300

You might also like

Balle Kumar's Universe - 9

Balle Kumar's Universe - 9