STORY OF MR.

RESTLESS
By

CHINU

1
 STORY OF MR. RESTLESS

PREFACE,

Yes, an autobiography. If I call it as my story it will infringe

upon the brand MY STORY by Kamala Das in English-the famous
rebel writer had penned hundreds of short stories and poems in
both the languages as well as a few novels. So that is not a title
freely available.
There are so many autobiographies around and therefore not a
good title to use. My Experience is the autobiography of Mahatma
and that title could not be picked up by another, much less by an
ordinary person. So let us keep it a Story of Mr. Restless. While
writing this narrative story, I stumbled upon the following poem
which compounded to my confusions and swinging moods as to
whether I should make this attempt , will it be possible for me,
making my task more difficult.
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place

2
 but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
-Autobiography in Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson

So how and where to begin? Of course from the beginning. Was

the beginning from self or parents or even their parents i.e.
ancestors. Richard Dawkins has written a book titled
ANCESTORS TALES. The tales start with the present day
humans and goes back stage by stage to millions of years,
somewhere up to 4500 million when it was assumed that the first
signs of life appeared on primordial oceans. But I have not learned
anything about my own parents and still less about the grand
parents. Nothing is known about generation past.

3
Even what is known is confined to geographical area called
Tirunelveli, Kalakad & Pattamdai village . As per popular folklore,
the name Kalakad was due to one of the following:

1. The place was a forest full of 'kalaa' (Tamil word) tree;

2. It was a battlefield or 'kalam' (Tamil word);
3. It was the capital of 'kalapirars' who ruled Tamil Nadu from
this place.

In History of Travancore from the Earliest Times, P. A.

Sankunny Menon mentions Kalacaud instead of Kalakkad. A few
battles between the Travancore Kings and the British at this place
are recorded. Joannes de Lannoy, the only son of Eustachius De
Lannoy*, was killed in battle of Kalakkad on 14 September 1765
at the age of twenty. Kalkkad was a scene of frequent struggles
from in late 1750s during the Polygar revolt led by the Puli Thevar
and changed hands several times.(1)
The village was the capital of Pandya kings briefly. A rest house
constructed by the British is still there at Sengaltheri in the nearby
mountains.Even today people refer to Kottai, the equivalent of a
fort, in this area, though no traces of it are found today.
Today it is all sprawling rice fields, tiger reserve and hundreds of
villages and a few townships. The village of Kalakkad has several
streets, running around the Sathyavageeswarar temple. Generally
the streets were inhabited by people of specific castes, though
these days one can find a mixture of people in all the streets. The
village is surrounded by lush green paddy fields, with the Western
Ghats at the horizon. Many small and beautiful waterfalls can be
seen in the distant mountains. Maalai (Garland) aruvi near can be
seen from a distance of almost 8 km. There are several other
temples for Mutharamman, Isakkiamman, Suadalaimadan and
Ayyanar in the village. Pari Vettai and Kodai Vizha are annual
festivals which are celebrated in these temples. The forest areas
have been declared as a protected tiger reserve - Kalakkad
Mundanthurai Sanctuary.
4
EVENTS CONNECTED WITH KALAKAD
Our parents in their early days were residents of this remote
village. There is one smaller village a little south nearer to
mountain slop going south almost up to the end of the land,
separating Tamil Nadu and Kerala. My own birth place, was
Pathamadai or Pattamadai a couple of miles north kalakad.
Pattamadai is a panchayat town in Tirunelveli district.Pathamadai
is the birthplace of Divine Life Society Founder Himaya Jothi. Sri.
Swami Sivananda Saraswati. (Poorvasrama Name. Dr. P.V.
Kuppuswamy). It is famous for making beautifully crafted floor
mats called ilk mat or Pattu Pai made out of special Korai grass,
which reminds me of naps at my kalakad house. . At occasions, I
heard from mother that father use to walk down to tiger reserve
forests , Chengaltheri where is a old Amman temple to do poojas ,
invoking the deity to do good for all in the village and collect
herbs , and experiment use of herb at house. During those days
they were staying in that area. I remember something of that
location as if in a dream. My old cousin sister aged 92 now at
Kalakad told me, after my grandfather took Samadhi there were
long enmity, vexatious property dispute among their family which
resulted in disintegration of the joint family.
Thereafter my father planned to go to Sinagpore and even took
passport photographs and filled up the formalities. Since mother
wept, he changed his plan left the village to seek employment and
came to Mumbai in search of employment and finally got his
assignment in Asthika Samaj , Matunga as first priest of that
temple. To my knowledge all thru my conscious childhood and up
to the end of elementary school, father was always away from us
and was coming to our rented house at Pattamadai for a few days
in a year. He brought biscuits, coloured , slate pencils to us. In
those years mother gave shelter to my uncles and close family
friends from Kalakad who came to Pattamdai in pursuance of
good education ,which was available at Ramasheshiar High
School at Pattamadai . My father used to send remittances by
5
money order once a quarter and therefore my mother was
managing monthly fees for school, rent of the house, maintenance
of the family, taking recourse to then prevalent barter system and
through her measly savings.
He came home for a few days, took his brother also to Mumbai to
work a priest in Hanuman Temple in Asthika Samaj, Matunga
They were known as Ram and Lakshman in the family and in the
social circles. . It was a back breaking job, as routine starts at 4
a.m pooja to 11 p.m. They were well educated in Vedic ritual,
Tamil, Grantam(2) and Sanskrit languages.
As per information, mother was also from Kalakad had several
cousins male and females. She belonged to the generation of
woman for whom sacrifice came before self. The World War II
generation is often hailed as the greatest generation in recognition
of the enormous sacrifices the men and women of that era were
asked to make. .

NAMING CHILDREN IN FAMILY:

I come back to the story about which we are concerned. Earlier
I mentioned about father wandering around southern Tamil Nadu
and even to Singapore, in search of job as a Vedic preist. The first
trip might be Sankaran Koil in Tirunelveli . It is home to the
famous Sankara Narayanan temple. It is situated at Tirunelveli
District and 56 km away from Thirunelveli City. Like every other
temple, Sankarankovil has its own interesting story. Once the
devotees of Lord Hari (or Vishnu) and Lord Shiva quarreled with
each other to determine whose god is powerful. Then Lord Shiva
appeared as Sankaranarayanar to mark his devotees to understand
that both Hari and Shiva are one and the same. So it is held sacred
by Saivites and those Hindus who believe that Siva and Vishnu are
a single deity one in one and accordingly, desire to worship the two
gods into one form. Srivaishnavites of Tamil Nadu who worship
Lord Vishnu only, have not accepted the mingling of Siva and
Vishnu thus, and therefore, they reject this deity of this temple
which depicts the concept of Hari and Haran being one God. It
6
houses the deity by the name Sankara Narayanan, which is half -
Lord Shiva and the other half - Lord Vishnu.The deities of this
temple are Sri Sankareswarar, Sri Gomathi Amman and Sri
Sankara Narayanar. Sankarankovil is also said to be home to the
deity named Avudai Ambal.The general belief is that the Holy
Sand "Puttrumann" (Puttru = Ant Hill, Mann = Sand) that one gets
from this temple is capable of curing all the diseases. Devotees
believe that Sankarankovils Nagasunai (sacred tank) have been dug
by serpent kings named Paduman and Sangam which has a
miraculous power to heal those who bathe there.

Generally among Hindus the first boy is named after his grand
father, the second after Nana. Similarly, the first girl is named after
grandma and the second after Nani .But in our family their first son
was christened Sankara Aiyah after temple deity (Siva). Their first
daughter was named Gomathy another deity of the temple and
temple became our kula devta. The second son and second
daughter acquired the maternal grandfather and maternal grand
mothers name. I was born at Pattamadai where there is only one
temple of Srnivasa Perumal (Balaji) and hence I acquired the name
Srinivasan.

OUR HOUSE
Our ancestral house which around 300 years old today at
Kalakad village was almost at the centre. It was a traditional type
called Nalukettu comprising 4 main areas. In front a long
veranda(thinnai) then a wide passage to go in. On the side were
two grain or other strong area constructed in wood. Then the
mittam an all purpose area open to the sky in the centre. Water is
stored around here. Beside it is a hall where all functions are held,
guest accommodated etc. There is another store room with a
window to the veranda. The first passage, wood fitted and the other
storey with window are on the same line and there is an upper
storey where used utensils and grains are stored. The upper part is
accessed thru a wooden stair case on the side of mittam. The
7
stair reaches a low ceiling area from where a door opens to
bedroom (machel).
Adjacent to the mittam is the work place are where the grains
are threshed, ground etc. Parallel to it is a kitchen that is accessed
from the hall. Behind the work area and kitchen is a low veranda
where various house hold implements are kept for ready use. There
is a MORI as well where utensils are cleaned. Water storage
vessel of various sizes are kept in that area. Outside of these is
open kitchen garden with coconuts, neem, muranagai -Moringa
oleifera tree, vegetable patches. Not all homes had wells. There
was one in ours. All other house holds in that street got water from
a common village well a few feet away. In our house the well had
water throughout the year. At the end of the kitchen garden there
was a cowshed. There were a cow and calf in my memory.

FIRST SCHOOL DAYS:

Let me go back once again and try to recapture the childhood
days. I remember my first day at the elementary school at
Patamadai -Ramashsheshiar Elementary School. I went to the
school along with my elder sister. Instead of going to 1std, I went
to the 4th std along with sister and took seat for the whole day much
to amusement of other students and teachers. It was an elementary
co-education school from class one to six. The classes were not
separated but conducted in one hall. We had a text book to study
and slate and pencil to write. No paper or note book. The school
was situated next to the row of houses at the southern end. The
medium was Tamil. There was nothing spectacular to the school
life. There was an anniversary celebration when students competed
in several games and winners given prizes. All the cultural
activities were confined to school anniversaries where pupils
enacted some or other scenes from known dramatic plays, skits
fancy dress and Kolattam (traditional Tamil dance) by girls. I
dont remember having received any. Yes, there was one prize for
being first in class 2nd or 3rd but not sure. The prize was an empty
ink bottle.
8
 Another event that comes to mind was a magic lantern show,
precursor to film show. Almost the whole village was there to
witness it. Otherwise it was an uneventful school life.
The main village deity is lord,Perumal . The temple was a small
structure right at the bank of a rivulet. All in and around the
villagers took bath in the stream. In the rainy season water flowed
full swift and fast. There used to be a temporary mud and thatch
dam to trap water for summer. The dam gets breached by rain
water. It used to be reconstructed yearly thereafter. There were
separate bathing ghats for Brahmin males and females and other
castes as well
Four festivals were celebrated in the temple, the 9 days
Navratri, the Vinayaka Chaturthi, Krishna jayanti and chariot
festival in Dec-Jan (on 10th day of Dhanu month). The first was too
modest. The village streets are divided into 9 sections and house
holds in each will be contributing to the pooja and offerings for the
evening. The offerings are both in snacks and sweets. They get
distributed to devotees coming to the temple. On Vinayaka
Chaturthy it is one common preparation. During the Krishna
Jayanti children go for door to door collection of Til oil (gingelly
or sesame) and hand it over to the temple. The chariot festival is
an elaborate one when temple deity is taken on a procession. This
lasts for an hour or so. Then the deity is transferred into an
elaborately festooned chariot. People drag the chariot. The chariot
will be stationed at the south end of the village street. Then after
bursting some fire crackers and show of fire works the deity taken
down the temple sanctum for last pooja.
On the festival day a good number of people of all castes and
religion assemble in the village premises, devotees, visitors, traders
peddling wares and entertainment groups etc. Since these people
are believed to pollute the village and the deity also, a ritual
purification is conducted in the morning after the festival. Then the
deity is taken down to be bathed in the stream before it was taken
and installed in the sanctum of the temple.

9
OTHER EVENTS IN THE VILLAGE:
On another occasion just days before the chariot festival many
got affected with skin infections a number of malignant eruptions
all over the body making impossible to cover by cloth. Herbal oil
and hot herbal bath every day and confinement at home naked.
Thus we missed the celebration on that season.
On those days small pox was common. It is considered to be the
result of curse from goddess Mariamma ( In Maharashtra the name
is Mari Aayi). There are small temples some with a roof and many
without. Families of affected visit and offer prayers at the shrine.
There used to be no medical care except a bed of neem leaves. The
afflicted is left alone in the care of one or two low caste pujaries
who invoke the goddess thru special songs to the accompaniment
of hand held drums(Khanjira.) This ritual goes on all day till the
patient regain health or passes away. .In our village for that mater
in any village in Tamil Nadu Kali or Kali Amman was considered
as the causative force for cholera and Mari was considered as a
causative force for smallpox, chicken pox, mumps and measles
.Maari in Tamil means rain. Since the rainfall cooled the otherwise
hot area and protected people from summer sicknesses like viral
infections, people started worshipping the rain goddess as Maari
Amman.

Whenever a small pox affliction is known, the house hold and

all others in the entire street vacate them to stay with others, a little
distant from the location. I remember such an occasion when a
whole street on the way to school was barred for walking thru. We
took a long circuitous route, three or four times long.
At sometimes an official medical team visit the village for sign
of any infectious disease. They also vaccinate small children
against pox. Self also was vaccinated making a couple of round
incisions on each arms. The vaccinated area swell and body
temperature goes high for a couple of days. The lacerated wound
takes more days to cure and dry out. Modern methods are much
more different and easier.
10
AT KALAKAD
At my parents village Kalakad the two events very hazy is
lingering in memory. One was an earlier event, when self along
with the others of family visited an isolated farm house with a
pond nearby. The occasion was some auspicious celebration in that
house. I dont recollect any names or their relation to us. The place
was a big coconut grove with a lot of other fruit trees. The house
was big and tiled and had wooden grilled long veranda on two
sides. Also there was a parrot in a spacious wooden cage. All other
details are missing from memory.
The second was again a visit to a smaller farm house. There
were coconuts and other trees and one hut with thatched roof.
There was a stream flowing on one side of estate and water was
lifted to water the trees and shrubs. At a little distance was a shrine
beside a pond with stone steps on all four sides. The name of this
location eludes me.
The Tamil calendar is punctuated with festivals. In no other
month does the festival mood spreads unbroken over one full
month like Margazhi. Festivals like Vinayaka Chaturti, Krishna
Jayanti, Dusserah and Skanda Shashti is of unlimited duration
during the other months.The month of Margazh in December is
unique. The entire atmosphere of our village is suffused with
religious fervour and sanctity that draws people from different
sections of the community. `Among the months, I am Margazhi,'
said Lord Krishna in the Gita. Wrapped in shawls or bare bodied,
people join bhajan groups and go round the streets, unmindful of
the cold and nipping air. Womenfolk, particularly in villages and
small towns, decorate the front yard and the streets with striking
kolams made of rice flour. (Now-a-days lime powder is the
substitute for rice flour)
In the month of Marghazhi, on the day of Thiruvadirai star and
new moon coincide (also known as Arudhra) in the Tamil month of
Marghazhi (December/January), is one of the two stars that have
the prefix Thiru signifies arrival of Thiruvadirai,. On this day of
11
Thiruvadirai star, we celebrate the cosmic dance of Nataraja or
Shiva. . On this day all the people worship Lord Shiva, the
destroyer of Tamasic or evil forces within us and the World to
enjoy peace and bliss.During Prayers (Aarthi), Bhajans and
devotional songs, particularly Thevaram, Thiruvasagam and
Thiruvempavai, are jointly sung by all family members. It is a
must that all family members visit a Siva Temple, particularly in
the late evening and see Special Abishekam being done to Lord
Nataraja

This Shaivate festival Thiruvatirai is an auspicious day

throughout south India. It is something special in our homes. Apart
from visiting Shiva temples the day is celebrated with songs and
dance, mainly confined to ladies. The day comes in the month of
Dhanu i.e. Dec-Jan. The natives prepare and put up swings in their
house compounds. Girls sing while swinging on them. It is called
Thiruvatira Pattu .They train and rehearse for days in advance of
the auspicious day. Girls and women go singing at very early
morning to have their bath in the rivulet. This goes on for certain
days. This apart a special preparation called Thiruvatirai kali,
Thiruvadirai Adai - simple food made from cereals and Jaggery,
with Thlaka Khuzhumbu- a type of Kootu made from seven
vegetables, is made ,which is very delicious.

Kalakkad is home to an ancient temple dedicated to

Sathyavageeswarar (Lord Siva). The other principal deity is
Goddess Gomathi.The temple is a symbol of antiquity.It was built
by emperor Veeramarthandar.The Rajakopura of this temple is one
of the highest landmarks in Asia, with a height of 133 feet.An
interesting fact about this temple is that during 20,21,22 days of
March and September, sunlight will directly fall at the prominent
god of the temple, lord Sathyavakeeswarar.

12
 Apart from male gods, Tamil Brahmins in village worshipped
goddesses Amman or Ambal meaning mother. Every one before
entering the village will give their offerings to the Issaki Ammbal-
a godess empowred with Shakti a small temple in the road side.

Further there are Hero stones (Nadukkal or Veerakkal) . these

stones provided for the males who sacrifice their life for good
causes. Sati stones are the stones provided for females who
sacrificed their life for certain specific purpose, especially for
chastity and purity. This category includes people who lived and
lost their lives for their community and hence their community
members still remember them and worship them. This group also
includes persons who were killed by injustice and hence were
worshipped in order to save the village from their wrath. The
worship for the fallen brave warriors is one of the popular forms of
worship in our village. The portrait of the hero is often decorated
with peacock feathers. These nadukals are now called as Ayyanar
shrines.

The government or the administration in those days was

represented in the village by a hereditary Brahmin officer named
Adhikari. There were two uniformed sepoys under him. Villagers
report all births and deaths in their family to the Adhikari. It seems
that law and order also was under his jurisdiction. My eldest cousin
sister aged 92 still residing there , whom we meet very often ,
says in those days there were no reports of thefts, fights, dacoits or
murder in or around our village. Such reports were from far off
places. In those times marriages were conducted for four days.
There was such a marriage function at Adhikaris family and some
govt officers came to attend it in motor cars. They were curious
exhibits to the village children. We hovered around it all day. Apart
from this one occasion no car came to the village in my memory.
The village was too close to forests on the slop of southern hills
and one or twice spotted tigers visited the village. People kept

13
themselves indoors after dark. There were no street lights around
the vicinity. In monsoon floods in the rivulet people used to see
small forest animals or reptiles struggling to get out of the water.
Many were just dead bodies. I have not seen any. Once a python
escaped from the water and took refuge in a cow shed. It was killed
and carried away by the Adhikaris men. It is reported that they
peeled its skin for selling and collected the fat to brew oil. It was
supposed to be medicinal. They call it PAMBIN NEIY (snake
ghee) There were elephants in the forest but not too many. People
were extremely superstitious in those days. They believed in witch
craft and resorted to it in order to bring bad luck or harm to ones
adversaries. May be it was considered a law and order problem and
dealt accordingly.

Kalakad is also famous for lion tailed monkeys, elephants and

water falls. (Fondly called as Karungal kasam and Thegai urali.)
Women members in our family were not allowed to go there
because it is located in the forest zone. After my marriage, me, my
brother in law, cousin brothers, and my wife went by bicycles to
Thengai Urali. This location is a scenic beauty surrounded by
Thazhambu shrub (Kevadaa , Ketaki, Keora in Hindi, Screw Pine
in English) with its fragrant flowers. My daughter was fortunate
that right from her infant days she joined me to Thengai Urali
water falls. We have to go by bicycle for around 3 k.ms from our
house , halt the vehicle in a adjoining village and walk for half an
hour through the dense forest and thereafter for another fifteen
minutes through a rivulet with knee deep ( hip deep to shorter
people like me) waters to reach there. . My daughter was fortunate
enough see this place as I used to take her when ever I was at
Kalalkd especially during June to January , or during the onset of
monsoons. When my daughter was seven years old , we plucked
Thazhambu flowers from there and decorated her braided hair,
with it in traditional Jadanagam style and photographed her in a
local studio. Thazhambu in Brahma's story as a cursed flower.One
of the sayings of Chanakya stresses its pleasant smell: O ketki
14
flower! Serpents live in your midst, you bear no edible fruits, your
leaves are covered with thorns, you are crooked in growth, you
thrive in mud, and you are not easily accessible. Still for your
exceptional fragrance you are as dear as kinsmen to others.
Hence, a single excellence overcomes a multitude of blemishes
Many a times my mother- in- law also joined us. We use to take
tasty packed tiifins prepared by our aged cousin sisters to this place
like going for picnic. On return journey we pluck lot of Jamun
fruits from lot of Jamul trees around there . . We also pluck plenty
of raw mangoes, in seasons and hand it over to our cousin sisters
for making pickles. Every time I go to Kalakad myself and my
family doesnt miss these water falls except that now days because
roads are well developed, we go by auto rickshaws.

SOMETHING ELSE:
In everydays life it is difficult to pass a day without having
seen someone with some kind of fear. Most of us are imbibed with
fear from early days of life by elders, just to ease out their job.
Parents cultivate this fear when are children. I was no exception.
When I refused to hit the bed or cry for no reason , or finish my
food ,or kept on playing without doing homework ,my mother used
to scare me with remarkable success that Poochandi( poo- chan
-dee equivalent to Gabber Singh of film sholay) .,will take me.
My image of Poochandi had been, one who had matted hair,
brownish, with unkempt beard red eyes and dressed in rags, some
kind of a cannibal delighted on human meat. Another character
whom I was afraid of was Gudugudu Pandi. In my childhood days
I have seen Gudu Gudu Pandi-a terrorising looking beggar with
long beard and turban who used to visit every house in the early
morning with an odd instrument in his hand which made sound
like gudu gudu. I was always afraid of this man and when ever I
heard gudu- gudu sound I remained indoors. . I wondered why he
comes in early morning. The villagers had a belief that he visits
15
graveyard in the mornings and comes with magic powers of Satan.
If we dont give him clothes, he will curse us and do harm to us. It
took some time in me to get rid of this fear. In those days people
had fear of different kinds. All in good faith but superstitious acts.
There is nothing more I could recollect about life in these villages.
No friendship were kept and followed in later days. Some times in
Bombay I was introduced to individuals from the village. Much
later I heard of an organisation in Bombay made up of people from
the village in my occasional talks with my elder brother. By
sentiments he got connected to it. All that is said about earlier will
show that life in the village was uneventful. Everything went on as
per schedule and predictable.

VEDA PATAHSLA AT KALAKD

Sruti and Smrithi are the two authoritative sources of the
Hindu philosophy. Sruti literally means what is heard. Great
Rishis are said to have heard the eternal truth and left a record of
them for the benefit of the future generations. These records are
called the Vedas. They are said to be delivered by the Lord
himself. This is considered as the primary authority as against the
Smrithi which are secondary. The teachings as well the method
of teaching are unique. It has stood the test of time and ages.
These teachings are Anadi, without a beginning.
In the ancient days students were taught Vedas by their gurus,
in what was known as Gurukulavasa. Students were required to
stay with the Guru for a few years and learn the Vedas. Vedas as
well known are mainly for in numbers, namely, Rig Veda, Yajur
Veda, Sama Veda and Atharvana Veda. These Vedas are very
elaborate and require a lot of time for a student to learn. Rig Veda
requires about 5 years, while Yajur Veda requires about 7 years or
more to learn. Hence, Rig Veda, the most popular Veda was taken
up initially. This was followed by Yajur and other Vedas.
Agama sastras explain the procedures and methods of
performing various temple rituals and poojas. At the end of the

16
5th year or so a student became well qualified in Veda as well as
Agama sastras.
In tune with this conviction a Veda patasala was established
by my elders with the funding of local philanthropists at
Kalakad ..My Periyappa ( fathers eldest brother) and other
learned Vedic scholars taught several students Vedas in that
school. . Young boys in the age group of 7 to 10 years from the
village and adjoining districts were selected and enrolled as
students. The selected candidates were taught in the traditional
manner. The course was residential one. No fees of any nature
were charged by the Patashala for imparting this study. After
completion of the course a student were required to work at main
temple as part of their practical training. During this period the
candidates were taught other scriptures such as Bagawad Geeta
etc
Every day in the evening the villagers mostly Brahmins meet
and chant Vishnu sharanamman. Apart from Prasads at the end
the main head of the Patshalaa used distribute 1/4paise coins. I
remember faintly to have received the same.
The last one to teach there was my co brother who died of
cancer, He taught scorers of students free Vedic educations , many
of whom are well placed in India and abroad . In these serene and
sylvan surroundings, the chants of Vedas used to reverberate
throughout the day. In modern times the concept of teaching has
changed rapidly. With the influence of the British culture and
education systems, this age old scheme of study has become
extinct, with the result very few students take up these studies. This
is purely due to lack of creation of proper logistics for the teacher
as well as the students for imparting this great traditional
knowledge. It has become very difficult for any guru to take up this
cause individually, as maintaining a team of students has of
economic implications. It is difficult to locate students, who are
interested in learning and also there are very few dedicated and
good teachers. Above all most of the Brahmins in our village have
migrated selling their land and properties and are into other
17
professions Hence this noble structure today it is being used for
religious functions and meets.

MY PARENTS

K.S. Parvatham Ammal died at the age of 71,during December

1986, two months after my marriage , the improtanat milestone for
which she seems have held her breath, after devoting a lifetime
towards her home and family. She belonged to the generation of
woman for whom sacrifice came before self. The World War II
generation is often hailed as the greatest generation in recognition
of the enormous sacrifices the men and women of that era were
asked to make.
My mother, Paravatham who died 26 year ago at the age of 71
was nearly a life long resident of Pattamadai - Kalakad in
Tirunelveli District, where the live river Tambarabarni flows
throughout the season. She migrated to Bombay for fulfilling her
duties to her children in late fifties in quest of her childrens higher
education. She will remain a true representative of that generation
in my view and all the reasons why it was called the greatest.
Her life was neither extraordinary in any way nor even remotely
connected to the larger events of the day; nor, her sacrifice of
historic magnitude. When war was raging else where, she was a
young wife and mother who lived with her husbands close knit,
tradition bound, puritanical, priestly joint family, which she
embraced as her own. And the sacrifices she made were of the
everyday kind, like giving up something here and something
there so that other could benefit. The women of her generation
were ones who were accustomed to making, without questions.

Like most women of her time, my mother was raised to believe

that the needs of others came first. The idea of pampering oneself,
something that women of my generation claim as their right,

18
would have been dismissed by her right away even if it did occur
to her.

My maternal grand mother was the epitome of strength; her

contributions in educating her sons were noteworthy. Not
withstanding the trauma, pain of arthritis and rheumatism, which
crippled her movements, she managed to educate all her three sons,
who were the first in our family structure to acquire a degree. As
has been the tradition my mother, the eldest in the family took care
of domestic chores. She was equally responsible for motivating,
encouraging and supporting her brothers to pursue higher
education though she herself was a primary school drop- out.
At age of 13, she married my father a Vedic priest with great
aspirations and even greater talents. My father migrated to Bombay
along with his younger brother and was working as a chief priest of
Ram Mandir at Matunga, acting as the sole breadwinner of not
only my family but also his brothers family. In 1953, with the
blessings of His Holiness Jagadguru Sree Sankaracharya Swamigal
of Kanchi Kamakoti Peetam, the Asthika samaj Temple attained its
full-fledged status by installation of idols of Lord Sree
Ramachandra, Sitadevi, Lakshmanan and Hanuaman in a specially
created Garbagriha. The big Banyan tree outside the temple is
believed to having fulfilled the desires of the devotees.
Back at a time when even a rupee went a long way, his measly
salary as temple priest had to travel that extra mile to provide for
14 people (me, my 2 brothers, 2 sisters, 3 uncles, his brothers
family of 3 persons and 3 of my mothers brothers) My mother
managed the family budget with the remittances he made and
managed her family of 5 children meticulously, without resorting
to regular borrowings. . She bought a rental house at Pattamadai so
that her children and her brothers could pursue higher, quality
education where renowned Rama Sesha Iyer High School was
located. She also accommodated two of her family friends sons
who had come to take high school education in that house.

19
 Prior to this, my mother assumed the eldest daughter- in- law of
the joint family, responsible to the fulfillment of the needs and
welfare of her husbands parents, some of his siblings and their
children as well. This role and the new reality that came with it
she accepted graciously. In return she earned the love and respect
of every one in her new family. The warmth and kindness were
extended to her side of the family as well.

Through these initial years of hardship this young woman

stood solidly; encouraging her brothers and all her children to
pursue modern education. At the same time she managed to
maintain equal chord and harmony in holding closely the ties with
her elderly in-laws at Kalakad.
All this of course, did not mean that she was a meek woman.
My mother was a woman of grit which was particularly evident
during trying situations when kith and kin became ill and needed
care. She was not the kind who would be afraid to take care of
several tasks at once. She never winced at work, her own or that of
others, thrust on her. With the stewardship of an army general,
marshalling her measly resources, she ran a large house hold of her
own that at times included the extended family of relatives and
friends as well.

In the early fifties when my eldest brother completed his SSLC,

she directed him to shift to Bombay, and search for a job.
Ardent devotees of the Ram Temple, who had profound respect for
the Chief priest (my father), helped my brother in getting a
mediocre job. My brother was unable to cope up with the tedium,
poise, the stress and strain, of urban life. Nor did he exude
confidence in his job. My father use to receive complaints from
his bosses who are also devotes of the temple that his son his bland
in his job. Emaciated, weather beaten, unable to overcome
persecution with confidence my brother returned to Patamadai. My
mother continued her sincere tireless, purposeful mission of
arranging for a job to my brother. She wept at the shoulders of all
20
and sundries at Pattamaadai, imploring them to arrange for a job to
his son. . Recognizing, the ordeals of my mother and respecting her
sincere mission, her close friend Mrs. Pahi mami represented my
brothers case to her husband Mr. Chellappa Iyer who held a
managerial post in a multinational bank at Bombay. He arranged
for a servant pass to my brother for undertaking the journey to
Bombay. Mr. Chellappa Iyer not only used his clout to arrange for
a decent job to my brother in a multinational Bank but also ensured
that he is at peace with his work. In a months time my brother
lived up to the expectations of his superiors and his confidence
with the job made satisfactory progress ,resulting in he being
confirmed into the services of the bank. With the additional
income, of my brother supplementing the family, and sigh of relief
of his confirmation in the bank job my father conserving his
savings dared to buy a tenement under the Bombay Housing Board
allotment scheme at an obscure suburb called Chembur. A little
about the then situation at Chembur. Chembur was not part of the
city. There was single line rail connection from Kurla but it was
not connected to main line. There was no govt. milk supply. No
BEST service.
But still my mother decided to shift her family to Bombay.
Frugality was a way of life for her. She shifted the entire household
articles, including the Ammi and Attukal (grinding stones),
carrying me (the youngest child of the family) in her arms from
Pattamadai to Bombay undertaking the tiresome third class steam
engine travel. In spite of the fact that it was her maiden trip to
Bombay she made us at ease through out the journey. During the 4-
day travel, not even a single naya paisa was spent on buying food
from outside as she managed to pack home made foods to last the
entire journey.

In Bombay too her day would typically be filled with chores she
did or supervised; supplying endless cups of freshly brewed coffee
to visitors who came to our house, sending fresh, home cooked
breakfast, lunch and dinner to just about anybody known to her (if
21
they were in need) and my father. She was always being prepared
to offer food and a variety of snacks at a moments notice to a
stream of visitors, guests that included relatives and my friends.
Right from cleaning the washbasins, toilets in the early morning,
brooming and mopping the floors, arranging for my fathers pooja
materials, cleaning the pooja room, making Idli batter for next day
in a hand grinder, to sprinkling bleaching powder in kitchen sink
and bathroom at night was single handedly carried out by her. In
addition to this her outdoor chores included daily procurement of
quality vegetables and provisions from the market bargaining for
the fair price, she decides. She carried the vegetable and
provisions load without escorts or coolies. She developed her own
Hindi-Marathi-Tamil dialect with vendors and she was very
popular with them. Whenever I used to cross the market along with
her most of the vendors will greet her as Amma. She was a true
intrepid human dynamo, who never ever whispered the word tired.
Her greatest talent was that she could cook a variety of delicacies
for more than 100 people without any assistance during functions
and festivals. Even while attending functions of friends /relatives
she would radiate cheer and trespass into their kitchen seizing the
initiative from them and with lan and ease finish the preparation
of food marking that occasion, before the scheduled time. She was
a source of comfort to many families and friends in this regard.

Her manner was direct. She spoke her mind. When it came to
expressing an opinion- and her opinions were sought frequently
her single pointedness came clear. Taking on the welfare of others
was rather a second nature to her. In a 300-sqft asbestos-roofed
housing board tenement she provided space, time, comfort and
inspiration to, my uncles, my cousin brother (who she insisted
should join her in Bombay for his job placements), me and my
siblings and also other relatives. All the members of the large but
closely-knit family were treated uniformly with equal love and
care for each.

22
 During these years through his own remarkable tale of hard
work, tenacity and winning ways without striking compromise on
principles, my father saw that fortunes of my family rose
meteorically as he managed to arrange for a decent job for my
elder brother also, exerting his divinely influence on men in
responsible position who can throw their weight.

Balancing the saving in the bank account he decided to buy an

ownership flat at Chembur and we moved to spacious house. Even
though her life now was much more comfortable, my mother never
forgot where she came from and remained the same simple,
selfless person that she had been earlier. And this forgiving and
giving spirit of hers helped many in the community. Together with
my father she became a nurturing and guiding force for a new
generation of my nieces, nephews who continue to cherish fond
memories of her.

My father had an athletic build and countenance that exuded a

sublime charm and tejas. A rudrakasha mala around his neck, a
deep Vermillion tilak on his forehead and a sprawling long kudumi
made him look divinely intense and tejaas. The family members
and his friends hugely respected him for his sage advice on various
issues and fair pronouncement in matters of dispute.

Protesting against the freakish behaviour, under the guise of good

managements by the managing trustees , who exercised disguised
hegemonic control and exhibited expansionist designs in hijacking
the serenity of this place , commercializing it ,by planning
installation other idols , against the basic tenets of its founding
objects , to satiate their own greed and personal power My father
quit the temple job. He loathed commercialization of temple by the
Samaj authorities. He often lamented for performing, archanas,
of the hundreds of devotees in a specified morning and evening
hours against his conviction as he had to take often short cut
routes to please them for he could not chant the full shlokas of
23
repeating each devotees Gothram and nakshtram and in whose
name he had to perform. Nor did he prefer to earn undertaking
ritualistic tasks of the community even though he was much sought
by well-wishers and religious heads in our community, as he hated
commercialization of Vedic profession. He was a great Sanskrit
scholar, mastering the Grantham scripts and all Vedas, slokas and
Shastras. But he never believed in astronomy and man gods.

During the time my father worked for the temple he too used to
visit home only once in two to three days, as there were no
transport services from Chembur to Matunga in those days at
3.a.m, which was the time he would return home after performing
the Ganapathy pooja. Even if he did come home braving all
odds, it was too late in the night when he would reach home. At
that hour of the day I used to be asleep. Even when he would leave
the next day to resume his duties at the temple, it used to be too
early in the morning for me to be up. He would leave early enough
to catch the crowded first Ambernath local to Matunga, walking all
the way from chembur to Kurla station (3 k.m walk) following the
railway track and all the while I would still be asleep. My father
having been somewhat a rebel himself saw no point in preaching
conformity nor did he expect from me.

**********
I am the youngest of their 5 children. Coming of age in the
opinion filled 1960s; my ideas were shaped by the so called
Radical (?) Philosophies. I for one often looked things
differently from my mother, father, brothers and sisters.
Generation gap, a catch phrase back then, defined our relation. I
fought to have my way in every thing. I got a decent job on
completing my degree (first in my family) I pursued trade union
philosophy instead a building a career in the Bank. I was mostly
away from home and I used to visit my parents as per my sweet
will and desire. To my surprise my mother never opposed
vehemently, my life style but was worried that I missed good home
24
food. She would prepare my share of food everyday irrespective of
whether I went home or not. While I used to lead morchas in the
vicinity of our locality at Chembur raising full-throated slogans on
behalf of few organizations that I and my close knit friends formed
from time to time, espousing some trade union or social cause, my
mother, (if she accidentally happen to locate me during her outdoor
work) would trespass and wade through the crowd without any
inhibitions or prejudices to just tell me today I have prepared your
favorite dish. Do come home.

She did oppose many of my plans but she also agreed to meet
me half way, which meant that she had to re-evaluate some of her
convictions. I did many things I wanted to, independently and
small victories gave me enough heady feeling. Her greatest
satisfaction was my marriage to a girl of her liking and choice. .
My wife was the grand daughter of my fathers sister who died at
prime of age. My mother sympathized with the plight of my
mother- in- law who had seen vicissitudes of good and evil
fortunes. More over my wife was reared in my fathers elder
brothers(Periyappa) family which symbolized true Vedic shastars
as my periyappa practiced agnihothra(3) despite facing broken
marriages of his daughters, true to his convictions. . His sonorous
rendering of Vedas would resonate throughout the house, infusing
it with an aura of divinity.

The story of this agnihotris first two daughters is a lachrymose

tale of unproductive, battered, shattered married life, tragic
separations at the early stage and therefore having no siblings. His
third daughter was married to an academic scholar, B.A in those
days, a good high school teacher. a close relative, who lost his
wife at the early years, But he suffered a paralytic stroke after
just few years of his married life and she was taking care of him
till the rest of his life, running from pillar to post for his
treatments. She also did not have any children. But these cousin
sisters of mine nurtured and nourished many siblings in our family
25
tree. I am told that the thottil (cradle) which had swinging cribs or
'thooli' ( - a hammock that's hung from the ceiling rather than a
stand. to help the baby sleep, also called in India as Ghodiyu or
ghodiya pronounced it as "God-yu")was swinging continuously
like ones heart beat or as the agni of that sacred, serene
agnihothris house for many years. That his last son completed his
Graduation in First Class Honors brought the much awaited cheers
in their otherwise not so blissful life. He came to Bombay in search
of a job and got a good placement because of their blessings in a
multinational pharmaceutical firm. He stayed with us till his
marriage to my Periyappa first sisters( my Athai ) third
daughter who was working with a Nationalized Insurance firm.

Despite being a rationalist I will evaluate My Periyappa to be

above all the Shankaraacharyas of that time and of today for his
simplicity, serenity, satvic principles and his utter devotion to
Vedic science and philosophy. My wife was a balance mixture of
spirituality and modernity. My mother- in -law and my wife filled
the vacuum in my life caused due to my mothers death vindication
of my mothers correct choice and acceptance.

A week after my marriage on 31-10-1986 my mother had her

second paralytic stroke. Just a year ago she had the first stroke.
Demonstrating will power and courage she fought the attack boldly
and squarely and resumed her household chores defying medical
advice. Though I could visualize the onset of another paralytic
attack on the day of my marriage itself, she pretended to put a
brave face, suppressing the symptoms just to ensure that my
honeymoon plan doesnt get aborted. Since my in laws were
employed, my wife accompanied me in the morning on my onward
journey to my office. I use to drop her at our Chembur house to be
with my ailing mother and assist my father throughout the
treatment period of my mother, which of great solace to them. .
Since I used to go home late , after attending to my mother for the
full day , after my sister in laws return form work, she learned to
26
go to Nerul independently after catching a state transport bus from
Chembur in the evenings To go to my house at Nerul to attend to
our usual house hold chorus.

In her waning years, her bones and joints had become too
fragile and left her bed ridden, crutches dependent and was in
chronic pain, indeed a punishment for a women known for feisty
spirits. Her body could no longer keep pace with her mind, which
was still over drive. And yet, she never stopped practicing her own
unique brand of loving and caring.

Her body gradually ravaged by series of debilitating ailments,

tiresome, painful treatments, that the best and most compassionate
care could not do much about and overcome by unbearable pain,
my mother Parvatham (mountain ) finally gave away in her battle
to live, in a government hospital. She is greatly missed by children
and grand children.

While my initial reaction was to lament the cruel blow fate has
dealt our family, robbing us of two generations of guidance I
remembered the following story:
A man with deep devotion and faith in God dies and finds
himself walking along a beach; His lifes events flash in front of
him and parallel to this, he finds two sets of footprints (his and
Gods); He thanks God for being with him throughout his life; but
then he notices that during difficult times of his life, there are only
one set of footprints; When he meets his Maker, he bitterly
complains of abandonment during difficult times; God smiles and
says: My silly child, those are My prints, for, it was I who was
carrying you on my shoulders during those periods!
Amma, wherever you are, I am sure, the selfless and devoted
mother in you is constantly blessing us and praying for the welfare
of all; If I could emulate your qualities even in the tiniest bit, I will
sure turn out to be a better person; May God bless every child with
a mother like you! May He rest your soul in peace! I will celebrate
27
your life than mourn your passing away; You will constantly
remain in my thoughts; I will miss you though Ma

On the occasion of the first death anniversary of my close friend

Sharmaa friend par excellence, while inaugurating the Madhuram
Applam factory, which he launched, designed and worked for it
wherein Sharmas mother (a replica of my mother) , a native of
Thrvaiyar , the place where the carnatic classical maestro
Thyagaraja was born and lived. participated, shared the dias,
overpowering her emotions and tears, a new realization was
dawned on me, as I could see my mother in her. :
Though the merciless fire consumes mortal remains, the
intrinsic, inane, human qualities and love of a mother and
their memory engraves in our heart for eternity- as
Mothers do not expire. They inspire.

After my mother death my father went through bouts of

depression for a prolonged period. With me migrating to Nerul
separating from the joint family soon after the marriage, others in
my house employed, he felt too lonely in the house. Six years after
my mother death i.e. during January 1992 he died of paralytic
stroke like my mother. I was with him through out his period of
hospitalization doing three shifts, as I did to my mother, and he
died, before my eyes like my mother, with none of my family
members around. He was very happy and proud that I was
nominated as the Director of the bank representing workmen by
the Government in 1991. Because of this elevation, seeing me
dropped by the Banks vehicle during Board Meetings, finally, he
appreciated my consistency in union work. . During the period of
his hospitalization before going to coma stage he was in profuse
praise for the principles I hold in union and social life. , above all
being helpful to others in times of need, albeit the fact remains, I
did not raise to his expectations neither spiritually nor materially.

OTHER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY

28
 My eldest brother was the first join my father at Mumbai.
Staying in the Asthika Samaj temple premises itself along with my
father and my uncle he was fortunate enough to get a decent job in
a multinational bank with the contacts of my father. He is the
fatherly figure to all us, a perfect disciplinarian, and took care of us
very well. He had good handwriting and was good at map
drawings. He had a penchant to diarize important facts and events,
such as salaries handed over by my uncles, and co-brother who
was staying with us, monthly budgeting for provisions etc,
including recording our marks in the examinations in his diary. His
map drawings in my primary school days were treated as models
by the class teachers. He is today retired from his services and well
settled.

My elder brother had a singular privilege of continuing his

studies at Pattamadai and Kalakad. While all of us came together
to Mumbai as explained earlier, he refused to get admitted in
Mumbai schools. Soon after his high school studies he got a job
through my father Samaj contacts in a German petrochemical
complex . Today he is retried and well settled. He has taken to
spirituality and does our traditional morning and evening poojas.

My eldest sister did not complete her high School. But a the end
of every academic term during my primary school days, she copied
notes of my close friend and that of (they were in different
sections) my sister who were two years senior to me in her
beautiful handwriting and offer to me in silver platters for me to
mug in advance before the commencement of the next year. During
every monthly test or quarterly examinations she used ask me
questions form her written notes and test my proficiency in studies.

Being the first marriage in our family, her marriage was

performed with pomp and grandeur with the Samaj sevaks
swinging into action in reverence to my father. But she had a
29
disturbed married life. And her children and she stayed with us
away from my brother in law for many years. After my schooldays,
reconciliation was struck and my brother in law constructed a
house at Chennai. Being a victim of bad traits succumbing to the
temptations of becoming rich overnight he lost his fortune
incurring huge debts and he walked into debt trap from which he
could not extricate himself and his family. I was constrained to
buy their house through my staff housing loan scheme to bail them
out and my three nieces who were in their school days. I renovated
and constructed a first floor with great passion,with my bank loan
taking two months leave , staying with my close friend at
Kalpakkam , nearly 100 k.m from the site. I use to take up the
first bus around 4.a.m from Kalpakkam, after supervising the
construction work, and arranging for bricks and other constructions
materials, paying the contractor his dues, use to return back to
Kalpakkam mostly taking the last bus from Chennai by
11.p.m..When brother-in-laws debts reached astronomical levels
and he plunged his family into debt trap, soon after my three nieces
completed their college studies, I brought them back to my house
at Mumbai, selling my house at Chennai, where they lived for a
pittance in 1989. Thereafter all my niece got a decent job. I and
my brothers arranged for marriage of two nieces. One niece fell in
love with person of other caste, her office colleague and I took the
responsibility of performing her marriage, when she was ostracized
by other member of my family for deciding to get married to a
person from other caste, daring all odds. Today they are well
settled. When the news regarding my brother in laws death
reached us, none went to conduct his last rituals. I took the flight to
Chennai, along with my last niece and after performing the
obsequies of my brother in law, I went to the lodge he was staying.
I stumbled upon a Govt. Pension PPO and with my contacts
ensured pension for my eldest sister. . From there on she has been
drawing a decent pension, with revision after every pay
commission at Chembur, IOB branch and leads contended life
today.
30
 Most of my schooldays were spent with my elder sister. Though
she completed her 6th std. at our native place, she was admitted to
4th standard by the school at Mumbai. She found it extremely
difficult to cope up with English, Hindi and Marathi, being brought
up in Tamil medium in the native place. She used worked very
hard in her studies, along with the household chorus of assisting
my mother. I remember up to my 9th standard she used to comb
my hair, put vermillion on my forehead, smear my face with
powder , and carry my bags to the school bus,despite the fact that
she was only three years older than mine. She preferred job after
her school days though I was goading her to continue her college
education soon after I joined the college, citing examples and
success stories of many who attended to morning Arts colleges
along with their work. Fortunately I could work out alliance for her
with my own office colleague. Today she is well settled. One of her
daughter is married and the other one has lucrative job in a private
Bank and is in the verge of getting married.

MY SOCIO- POLITICAL EDUCATION

Well supported by my best friend from my school days who

was working as a Junior Scientific Officer at RRC , Kalpakkam in
pursuance of our social mission, I worked with villagers in
Chengalput district , tribes of Nilgiirs, and with the textile workers
at Mumbai, setting up various organizations along with my
progressive like minded close knit friends .. Through periodic
discussions which often stretched to late nights, our thinking
became radicalized and expanded its horizon. . Much of my earlier
understanding on literature, culture, heritage, tradition, religion,
society and politics were upset forcing me to review them. I was
also attracted to attend political meetings held in and around
Mumbai. At the work place I had a radicalised well read colleague
with communist leanings. I became active in all political
movements in Mumbai at that time attending all the programmes.
31
Nehrus book titled Discovery of India inspired me. . I bought one
copy. Later I tried to read it but understood little still completed
reading. The book is a narrative of Indian history that was not
attempted by any one else.
Today I could say that reading Karl Marx, Lenin and Mao-se-
Tungs collected works and other works and Discovery of India,
Letter to Indira by Nehru, and participation in textile strike
activities carried profound effects to me personally. On those days
I was not aware of the changes in thinking that slowly and
increasingly coming thru reading English papers, magazines and
books. One of my regular weeklies was Peoples Age, a communist
party paper and New Times published from Moscow. Both carried
features analysing political developments as well as theoretical
articles. In due course I was more and more influenced with
communist politics and ideology. I remember reading and
absorbing the highly analytical and book length treatise in reply to
congress accusations written by the then General Secretary of CP,
comrade P.C.Joshi. This completely convinced me that anti-fascist
war waged by then Soviet Union and allies was primary, Winning
the war against Nazi Germany. Fascist Italy and Japan ultimately
facilitated the winning of freedom from British Imperialism. The
battle of Stalingrad and also the fall of Berlin instilled and
increased admiration of many to Soviet Union. We all felt that the
victory over fascism was the outcome of Soviet Socialism. It
exhibited the tremendous staying power of Soviet system and
stamina of soviet peoples.
There were other friends who helped in understanding these
English writings. I read that in 1948 or so the communist party of
India held its second congress where the party took an extreme
position. It said that the August 15 freedom was sham and working
class and its communist party should oppose and fight the congress
lead govt, work towards revolutionary over throw of the govt.
During the congress P.C.Joshi was removed from post of General
Secretary. B.T.Ranadive who prepared thesis for the congress was
elected as General Secretary. In china there was a civil war going
32
on between communists and Kuomintang. Ranadives thesis
envisaged and advocated a similar civil war in India. All these
brought govt action banning the party in several provinces but not
in Bombay Province. Still the party was not working so openly. No
meetings could be held except on May Day and November 7 i.e.
October Revolution in Russia. And finally another communist
party emerged out of a division within the Communist Party of
India (CPI), in 1964. During Kerala Legislative Assembly elections
of 1965 the party had adopted the name 'Communist Party of India
(Marxist)' in order to obtain its election symbol from the Election
Commission of India. Once again in 1967 the CP further split and
(CPI-ML) was formed which gained a strong presence among the
radical sections of the student movement and intellectuals. All
these reading had a profound effect on me.

Because of the concern shown by textile activists to their just

cause and also combined with my own convictions, I took more
and more interest in not only in textile strike actions of 1980s but
in communist ideology as well. But me and my close friends did
not take membership of any factions of CP. A few leadings
activists of many mass organisations in Mumbai used to meetus
regularly at first but some of them became defunct a little later due
to no programme of activities. Meetings became occasional and
informal. People connected with all these activities recognised me
as a mature activist. I was able to express my thoughts both in
English and Hindi though haltingly. Most of my experience was in
speaking to small groups of people and not in a meeting where
people of other persuasion may be present. Though, mass meetings
were held from time to time I myself refrained from speaking due
to difficulties with language. Only after getting involved in trade
union activities, I started speaking to bigger audience.

MY MARRIAGE :
Because of my association and identification with communist
party activities, my family people were concerned that I going out
33
of the folds of the Brahmanic traditions and he might bring home
some or other non-Brahmin bride. At that time i.e. in early 80s I
was not thinking of contracting any marriage rather I was keen to
get more knowledge of ideology and activities to bring social
changes. However, there were irritating moments in my relation
with family members at home. To resolve the tension I offered to
my parents that they are free to find and contract a girl of their
choice, whom I will marry. Then I went to Kalakad on leave. I
found a girl of my choice from our own orthodox family. I did not
worry about any thing at all and spoke to my parents who approved
the same.
The marriage took place on October 31, 1986 ( Indira Gandhis
assassination day ) at my own Chembur residence and food was
served at my close friends residence in the adjoining lane - a place
which I can rightly call it as my first house , where I spent prime
of my life. The arrangement was to economise to the utmost.
Only members of the two family, countably finite close friends
participated. The two families reached the place a night before the
day and ceremonies were over by afternoon next day. All took a
train two days later to go back home. My eldest maternal uncle, - a
post graduate in Mathematics and Sanskrit, a rebel in LIC ,
renowned for exposing LIC s policies in pseudonym names in
news papers, was kind enough to take my relatives to Bombay
sight seeing. Soon after my marriage I separated from our joint
family at Chembur to kick start life at Nerul , that time an obscure
developing place at New Mumbai, much to the anxiety and
disappointment of my parents especially my mother. I remember
the day I decided to break away from joint family, just carrying
an old utensil of my mother for memories sake and buying a pair
of mats and pillows while catching the bus to Nerul in the night .
Rest of utensils and other need based household items , gas,
cupboard , mixers, grinders, TV, etc and furniture were met by me
from my measly savings and staff loan scheme of the bank over a
period. .

34
 A little about the then situation at Nerul at that time. There was no
rail connection. No BEST service. As more and more workmen
came to stay at Nerul and they started mingling the idea arose to
organise a association to demand railway line and BEST services. .
When making connections with people in the formation
associations, it was found that among those who came forward,
many were inclined to fight for common causes, irrespective of
their political moorings. A few were committed activists in various
mass movements. Our demands were heard with sympathy and
action was promised.

It might be in order if I take pause to summarise my life experience

up to that time.
My brahmanical backgrounds and beliefs were more or less intact
during my school and college days However, all daily rituals like
sandhya vandanam and gayatri japam were discarded not
voluntarily but out of circumstances. Visiting temples on
auspicious days continued, lasted for a few days. I was orthodox
enough with no thoughts of questioning it. The questioning came
to mind as I went on reading all kinds of books. One of the books I
read was philosophical work by CEM Joad a British socialist of the
time. The title I do not recollect today. It discussed extensively
about god the Omnipresent (sarvavyapi) Omnipotent (sarva
shaktan) and Omniscient (all knowing). Our own concept was
same. Joad extensively analysed almost the entire implications of
those concepts and thru logic and reasoning refuted them all. There
were no need for churches, mosques and temples if the god is
omnipresent. There should not be any calamities or evil if the god
is omnipotent. There are no needs for prayers and rituals since, the
god is all knowing. There were much more arguments and details
in that book. I was impressed by all these. This gave a new insight
to my Sanskrit readings and thinking on it. Specifically the Nyaya.
The Nyaya philosophy does not recognise a god as such.
Everything was considered as a matter of consisting of Anu, earth,

35
water, air and space. Nyaya also recognised Veda as one authentic
evidence along with other cognitives.
More and more of such thinking turned mind from gods,
religions and rituals. Whenever, I read articles or books affirming
god and religion, my response was to think reasons for their
refutations. Man should depend upon himself to attain anything in
the process of living. All men and women are equal and the
difference in religion, castes and gender is illogical and false. One
should overcome all such differences and cultivate the approach of
equality. All my later encounters and understanding of communist
ideas or ideology were in conformity to my denunciations of god
and religion. In due course of time I was able to express those
ideas in discussion with others. I never thought that my thoughts
and knowledge are complete or sufficient and therefore I went on
collecting a number of books as well as lot of Soviet, Chinese
publications in English. I went on reading more and more on
social-political questions, history, science topics and classics.
Some are namely Ramayana, Mahabharata, Bhagawata books on
Upanishads and philosophy. I was reading Marx, Engels, Lenin
and Stalin and a lot of communist literature. Along side I went on
to red glimpse of The Hindu philosophy which has six separate
branches or systems in 1. Mimamsa. 2. Sankhya. 3. Nyaya-
Vaisheshika. 4. Yoga. 5. Vedanta and 6. Lokayata. None of them
recognise a god as popularly conceived and accepted. In Mimamsa
the idea of an Apurva that is not exactly a god. There is a good lot
of Mimamsa literature that argued against the vedantha. Samkhya
has a Purusha that is equated with god or Paramatma by later day
philosophers. Nyaya-Vaisheshika accepted veda but not the
thoughts of Vedanta. Still later day philosophers brought it in line
with Vedanta. Vedanta has no god as such but an all pervading
Atma or Paramatma. Yoga has no philosophy as such but later day
commentators made it an adjunct to Vedanta by making yoga as a
way to experience spirit or atma. Lokayata is in denial of all the
earlier five but we have no authentic works in exposition of this

36
philosophy except for bits and pieces quoted by opponents of
lokayata .

Though many of my mass organisation activists asked me to leave

my bank union ,so that I can be resourceful & devote full time and
be active in the union for unorganised formed by us, as a precursor
to joining CP faction, I did not do so.

MY UNION ACTIVITY:
On 18.3.1974, I stepped into Indian Overseas Bank, Matunga
Branch, holding a first class Degree in Science in the discipline of
the most difficult subject -Mathematics in one hand and an
appointment letter to join Indian Overseas Bank in another,
walking slowly but confidently with hope of becoming an officer of
the bank in deference to my parents, brothers wishes. . Nether me nor
anybody at that time, including my close friends who had
profound influence on me ,imagined that I would be one of
Leaders of a mighty Union of this bank. Beginning my career as
clerk I began asserting myself on many union matters with the
conviction of independent non political trade unionism .Doing my
duty honestly and sincerely I started to take part in the Union
activities slowly and won the heart of few activists who were
disenchanted with the functioning of our regional unit at that
time in Maharashtra. Holding secret meetings in gardens, we
formed pressure groups and started questioning the might of self
styled, authoritarian, corrupt leaders at that time in helm of the
union affairs in the regional level, who were hand and gloves with
Regional Management to harass, victimize members who defied
their unreasonable instructions.

In 1980, I became Executive Committee Member of the

union in Maharashtra Region and since then onwards it was my
onward journey further in the union. During this period I was
committed for the downtrodden and workers and stood for the
cause of labourers, Mill workers / slum dwellers and fought
37
many battles for them. With this background, many in my union
were looking forward to me as one dedicated and true comrade
who can take the fight to the other camp.

During the Trivandrum conference, in 1982, when one of the

activists in the opponents camp was hit by the ceiling fan in the
train and was profusely bleeding , I pulled the chain, ran ahead of
the engine , shouting slogans and stopped the train in motion and
ensured that he as given first aid by the railway authorities. This
act of mine tilted four more votes in my favour and I went on to
become Asst. General Secretary of the union and continued in that
position till 1991. In 1991 I was co-opted as General Secretary
(acting) in the vacancy arising due to resignation of then General
Secretary and in 1992 was elected as General Secretary in the
first conference I presided over and submitted my first GS
report. . Twice I was nominated by our Union on Board of
Directors to represent workmen. (1991 and 2003).

With sheer determination, guts and honesty my team in

nascent days in Mumbai gave new dimension to the definition of
leadership. I acquired basic knowledge of Banking, Labour Laws.
We had the tenacity, capacity to work for hours together and
never say die attitude. We made others comfortable to work with
us. And even when things didn't go the right way, our sangfroid
saw it through. My commitment to application came with an
altogether different dimension of emotional capacity empathy
for fellow men.

While not engaged in trade union work and political activities, I

loved to talk out problems with my colleagues , followers, and
close friends , be they domestic, office or any others cropping up in
society and the community. Cricket, Football, Hockey in outdoor
Sports, Shuttle Badminton, Table Tennis, Carrom in indoor sports,
Trekking, Gardening, Cooking, short story writing, other writings,

38
researches in specific subject from time to time, surfing net
continues to hold my interest.

The multitude of papers presented by me in international

seminars was acclaimed by the participants. .Contrary to other
unions report I use to work very hard to come with, informative
circulars and voluminous General Secretary's reports in every
conference which has reaching impact on the trade union map of
our country

When I look back at the path that I have had to traverse all these
years in the union I feel immensely satisfied that we have been
able to contribute, though in a very small measure, to the healthy
growth of the trade union movement in our bank, under the banner
of All India Overseas Bank Employees' Union. The journey that
started in Mumbai in the year 1975.from Mumbai to Chennai, the
journey was an uphill task. I was greatly inspired by the accolades
showered on the union and the dynamism of its visionary
leaders-Com.C.R.Chandrasekaharan and Com.P.Balagopala
Menon who were wedded to the motto Service to humanity is
Service to God. This benevolent tendency had taken deep roots in
my mind of even during nascent youth days in union movement.
They played a significant, sterling loan innings in the union .under
their leadership our union canvas began its prowl. They
consolidated their knighthood at the barricades and earned eternal
goodwill of being acknowledged as leaders of leaders.

I chose trade union as my field out of conviction and choice

and not by chance .The urge to work for others cause, particularly
who were helpless grew more and more as I advanced in my
career. I could tremendously demonstrate the same in my long
career of nearly four decades in our Bank and in the unfinished
journey of three and half decades in our Union, serving my co-
workers / membership with devotion and dedication all through.

39
 In Chennai I found an understanding, caring companion in
Com.L.Balasubramanian, who successfully steered our union out
of the difficult period of early nineties. I had long innings with
him. We have batted together in all weather foul or fine. We
endured the test of time. We have been comrades in arms
recognized as variables but inseparables. We have tried to be
discipline soldiers. With our hands free, with no fetters, observing
self discipline was all more important for us. . He has been a true
inspiration and a role model for me. But for his unqualified
support I would not have had the measure of success in the
discharge of my duties and responsibilities as the General
Secretary. We girded our loins, printed our weapons and sallied
into negotiating tables often and imbibed again & again of the
dynamic law governing strategies and tactics and the chemistry of
victory, while redressing grievances of members at bank and
industry level .

Not withstanding the pangs of hunger , the wracking torment of

the bodily pain due to frequent trips and tours, relative
discomforts of lodges and journeys, away from my sweet hearts at
the family all the time, the ferocity of my burning soul, livid at the
injustice of the absurd situations of IBA/ Government combine in
vice grip of IMF/WB directives who exercise remote control of
wage freeze, down sizing, outsourcing etc. in every negotiations,
I undertook strenuous tour of all southern states and some in then
north, east ,west & north east , despite my frail health and our
organizational preoccupation. I addressed meetings in my own
style, drawing rapt attention of the overflowing members in all
occasions and built confidence among the general bank employees.
I have the privilege and distinction visiting over 2000 branches in
IOB in the length breadth of the country, a good record, and
could establish contact with union workers at the grass root level ,
in the process was fortune enough to know & understand India s
heartlands and its toiling people.

40
 I was adept in handling domestic enquires, defended scores of
employees in the disciplinary proceeding, picking holes in the
charge sheet, drawing strategies in cross examinations , referring
to scores of court cases in law journals and carved out niche that
a case entrusted to me is life restored and well insulated in the
comity of unions and bank employees.

Many people believe in courage of their connections, but I believe

in the courage of ones convictions. And this courage of ones
convictions theory alone propelled me and superlative confidence
alone sustained me in the darkest moments.

Before I bring the shutters down of my union work, I would like

to reproduce what Ravi Subramanian, the author of I Bought the
Monks Ferrari, shared with his readers, which touched his heart.
It was written by his colleague, who on reading his first book, If
God was a Banker, came up to him and pulled out a crumpled
paper from the depths of a folder she was carrying. She said to him
that she had written this poem a few days into her first job.

Sometimes in my mind, a thought does dwell,

How does one live life well?
Religion, status, money and fame,
Is one taught to play this game?

With scruples to kill, for all that is nice,

Does honesty really pay a good price?
Baffled, Im sure, you may feel,
This winding road to get uphill.

Honour and pride are all yesteryears charms,

Now it is one after the other, out to harm,
Humanity for sure has taken a turn,
I bet, God himself is saying What have I done?

41
Each one is out to beat the rest,
With morals and values put to test,
How much is true, who is to tell,
Gods heaven on earth is turning into a hell.

But life is short and its end is certain,

Its all in the rise and fall of a curtain,
And, when it is time for you to pass,
Prepare for the questions that He might ask.

- Neomi Lobo

This poem, however, is a sad commentary on what people

actually end up doing in their pursuit of success. Engulfed in our
desperation and dauntless enthusiasm to acquire name and fame,
we often tend to pay no heed to scruples, conscience, morals,
values, honour, pride the traits that maketh a human. Success at
the cost of humanity is not worth fighting for. It is not something
which you deserve and it will not stay with you forever. At some
point or the other, it will desert you and you will never again get an
opportunity to own one in your entire life.

The most derogatory thing about time is its infinite capacity to

generate the moment. The most profound thing about time is also
its capacity to reconstruct the past. Every thing in my life as a
trade union leader in particular is a kaleidoscope of time,
inspiration, memories, pains, exhilarations, exaltations and
ecstasies, achievements and failures all bracketed as nostalgia. I
will be approaching the zero hour of union activities shortly. I
propose to dawn new avatar, back to teaching college students up
to graduation level Maths to keep me preoccupied. . If I had not
already left a message, by my thought and deeds, dedication and
devotion all through my 35 years in the union movement to my
members then I have no right to leave a message today which
42
could come from my heart at the fag end of my trade union life. .
The greatest tribute my union could pay me and our fraternity is to
maintain healthy traditions and continue to march.

I note with satisfaction that our union has today grown by

leaps and bounds, and is in the vanguard of every struggle
launched by bank employees. Many things have been done by our
union for betterment staff .but w had looked beyond the normal
portals of union world of immediate demands and issues of
members alone and has strived to contribute for the betterment of
society undertaking community development projects and social
projects form time to time. Among many things we have done for
members and society, I will consider one lac tree planning
programme which we undertook in five southern district spending
Rs40/- lakhs partnering with ISHA foundation,- Project-Green
Hands, commemorating unions diamond jubilee, and
regularization of over one thousand casual laborers engaged by
he bank for prolonged period with low adhoc wages, into
permanent employment through a historic settlement I will
consider as significant.

We have had a generation of men and women who founded a,

nurtured and nourished this organization in its inceptive days from
whom we have come to enjoy the use of vast hoard bequeathed to
us and transmit to future IOB men that hard augmented by fresh
acquisitions. We and our predecessors have in the process met
inevitably many trails and tribulations but enjoyed the fragrance of
success and happiness. Performance and insight and vision of our
predecessors have stood the test with our signing praise of them
whenever we meet our goal and perspective in the union is
always geared to this end. We have dared and while daring we
have taken songs and sorrows with equanimity, not resigning to
static happiness of human fossils who have succeeded in avoiding
unhappiness and pain it is our tradition ageless and eternal. I am
indebted them. I owe my success to them.
43
 After all, in life also many things happen without giving a
sense of totality. And then, the horizon is beckoning us with ever
expanding possibilities. We begin the fresh journey in our union
after reaching superannuation from the banks services with faith
in our heart and speed in our muscles. And if we take glory in
anything, it is that our whole life has been dedicated to service of
our members and for espousing trade union cause. I say again
and again to our members that our foremost aim is to maintain
our unity and indivisibility. When we attend your problems we
only exercise our power which goes on increasing with every
application and is never lessened .It is not that you get something
today and tomorrow you grow weak and get nothing.

I realize the union has miles to go, as new problems come up,
new challenges arise, new solutions have to be found, new
advances have to be registered, and new facts and even new
statistical material have to be taken note of and to be able to keep
pace with it , there has to be continuous and additional change in
study and trade union education and its approach to modern social
dilemmas.. I recall here my earlier observation that I never thought
of myself having a complete grasp of anything, ideas, thoughts,
acts or behaviour. I am an ordinary human with more ignorance
and defaults than thought of by others. My personal life was
mostly public and little private.

At this hour, my mind goes back to literally thousands of images of

the past that have exhilarated me. All great journeys I believe are a
continuum towards a vision. As one who has led you through thick
and thin all these years to the best of my ability, I hope I have
shouldered the responsibility that was thrust upon me by my
predecessors, to r utmost satisfaction of my members. I took the
work seriously but not myself. I wish to advise my members that
none is indispensable. The world continued to prosper even after
44
some of its finest leaders departed and will do so even without the
best of you. Similar shall be case with All India Overseas Bank
employees Union. Let no one mistake it. Ive learned a lot along
the way from my peers, superiors, and subordinates alike. Some of
the best pearls of wisdom are the most simple and many came from
some of unobtrusive members. Every one of my members has
contributed to who I am today. Because of them, I have achieved
much more in life that I ever had a right to expect, and have
become much richer in spirit. They are also the reason that me and
my family that I look forward to the next chapter of our lives, with
no regrets and with every expectation that your nurturing
friendship will continue.

We peopling the present at least some of us commit the error of

thinking and talking of our inheritance from our forefathers. Our
traditions and ourselves. Little do we realize that besides this we
have a commitment to stand before the bar of future as borrowers
from our children posterity. once we realize this we would realize
also our responsibility to the future both immediate when we
ourselves would be reapers of what we do presently and distant
when our posterity will judge our performance as borrowers from
them I was conscious of this and not allowed myself to fettered
with fixity of views .

Concluding I confess that I am unable to resist the temptation of

indulging in certain musings.

Over the years I have passed in the union, the days we have
preserved together with good and evil fortunes without the
slightest weakening of our will power or division of our strength,
over the days which we entered into without doubting the cause
and upon a single spontaneous impulse at the call of the hour, over
the days we strove and struggled at thereby. Looking back on the
insurmountable perils which we had passed through and at the
mighty as well as measly foes we met fought and laid low we are
45
brimming with confidence that we have no fear of future. Future is
chalice of opportunity. It beckons us. The union shall march ahead
without flagging, flinching or swerving. The union in its onward
march as hereto shall before expect no reward, seek no profit,
strike non compromise. Its activities once again shall be judged by
first its convictions and then by posterity.

On the darker side, I nurse a feeling that I could not inspire,

develop any successors manifesting my thought my thought, deeds
and actions in the union. The following unforgettable words of
Bayazid Bistami- a sufi peot reminiscent of my restless life is
echoing today in my hearts while I am planning to wither away
from my union activities shortly.
The Sufi Bayazid says this about himself
I was a revolutionary when I was young and a/I my prayer to
God was:
Lord give me the energy to change the world.
As I approached middle age and realized that half my life was
gone without my
changing a single soul, I changed my prayer to:
Lord, give me the grace to change all those who come in contact
with me. Just my family and friends, and I s...hall be content,
Now that I am an old man and my days are numbered, my one
prayer is,
Lord, give me the grace to change myself. If I had prayed
for this right from the start I should not have wasted my life

MY SLEEPER CLASS TRAIN TRAVELS

Ironically, the more I travel by AC three-tier or by fights on our

trains these days , thanks to getting reimbursement from my
union , the more I begin to appreciate the pleasures of me
traveling plain sleeper class in the eighties and early nineties with
46
my own funds. . . This is although, or maybe precisely because
Ive been travelling extensively since 1978 in connection with my
union work. .In Mumbai Chennai route due to my frequent travels
many TCs, vendors , attendants vendors in leading stations all
became my friends .
Why, whats wrong with AC three-tier, you ask? It is, well,
suffocating. One is so completely cut off from the sights and
sounds that one associates with train travel. You cant look out of
the window, and even if you are on a window seat, you have to
really wonder how it is on the other side of the tinted glass. Is it
sunny or cloudy? Is it cold or warm? Is it really windy or just the
train trying to live up to its reputation of being an express? AC
travel does not help you with answers to these questions. Nor does
it let you enjoy the tadak-tadak of the train, as it rolls along the
rails. Mind you, this is the most fundamental aspect, the very
essence of train travel, this tadak-tadak sound. It is to a train what
aum is to the soul. It is a sound which has to get inside you and
touch the very bones to give you the thrill that comes of travelling
by train. Equally thrilling is the rumbling of the train as it crosses a
bridge. The longer the bridge the more exciting it is. (My favourite
is the crossing of the river Krishna just before Vijayawada when
one is northward-bound.) As a child I always loved to peer all the
way down at the river-bed while crossing rivers with my head
pressed to the window, and enjoy the kick I got at the way my head
reeled!) Unfortunately, such thrills stop short of an AC coach,
which is more or less acoustically sanitised in this matter.

I havent even mentioned the countryside yet. Isnt that the most
exciting part of travelling by train? For me, it certainly is. When
one sets out from Coimbatore to Mumbai by Kurla Express, the
train snakes its way through the Kongu region with its beautiful
paddy-fields ringed by coconut palm trees. There are lovely farms
with groves of coconut and occasionally, mango. The soil is black
you can see this from the fields that have just been ploughed. At
Salem, the route branches off from the Chennai line, and the train
47
chugs away towards Bangalore. The countryside here gives you a
sense of isolation, and nature overwhelms the settlements, which
grow increasingly few and far between. The stretch up to Hosur is
remarkably beautiful, with its undulating terrain and the hint of
woods here and there. As the train makes its way into Karnataka,
then Andhra, and finally into Maharashtra (where it makes its entry
from the Solapur end), the soil grows red, brown, blackish and then
brown again while the tiled roofs of houses in the countryside are
replaced by thatch, slate (particularly around Gulbarga) and once
again, by red tiles. The fields give way to waste land and craggy
hills of rock before agricultural land claws its way back up to the
tracks. And then there is the beautiful stretch, the ghat section
between Lonavala and Karjat, where the large number of tunnels is
as great a source of delight as the breathtaking valleys.

Often, when you wake up from your siesta and begin to wonder
where your train is, a sense of geography is offered by vendors and
the myriad wares that they are presenting for sale. En route to
Delhi, bhelpuriwallahs doing the rounds of your coach quietly
proclaim the trains entry into the Telangana Vidarbha country.
Nagpur announces its proximity in oranges being sold in bagfuls.
Agra and Mathura are indicated by boxes of petha, the sweet for
which the former is especially famous. On the Mumbai route, the
Lonavala chikki serves as an easy marker of ones geographical
moorings.

I always feel it is easier to slip on and off for food whenever the
train halts if one is travelling sleeper class. Here too, the food on
sale on the platform gives you a good idea of where you are.
Maharashtra (also northern Karnataka) is vadapav-land. The
northern stretch towards Delhi, particularly beyond Jhansi is aloo-
puri pradesh. And south of Maharashtra, you know you are in
familiar territory when your eyes fall upon hawkers vending idli,
dosa and omelette on the railway platform. Further south,
particularly from Vijayawada downwards, the cuisine turns more
48
discriminating. Omelette gives way to biryani, thayir satham,
lemon rice and even puliyasatham. The larger food stalls in
Vijayawada, one must not forget to mention, may offer piping hot
pongal or idli-vada, served with excellent sambar-chutney, if you
are lucky. Such pleasures may not be yours if you are travelling
air-conditioned class. For AC coaches are generally positioned at
one or the other extremity of the train, which means that you find
yourselves at a far end of the platform, with no food-stall (or
bookshop) in sight. You are thus, more or less entirely at the mercy
of the pantry car.

With sealed windows and regulated temperature, AC travel is

synthetic, artificial. Not infrequently, one may end up with
somewhat troublesome co-passengers, who being unfamiliar with
the ways of using the linen offered to them, may actually end up
using that of their fellow passengers. Such a misfortune befell me
twice recently during my travels.

Travellers in sleeper class, it seems to me, are quite free of the

stiffness that one may find among the upmarket passengers of the
AC coaches. One of sleeper class journeys was from Delhi to
Chennai by grant trunk Express. For company I had a nun who
could speak only Malayalam, two young chaps - Malayalis
working for the Arya Vaidya Pharmacy, and another couple of
Keralites, a 20-year old girl and her older male companion. It was
great fun, although I was the only one in the group unable to speak
any Malayalam! When I missed a meal on the first afternoon, the
nun fed me with tamarind rice and onion pickle. And the next day,
believe it or not, we all played snakes and ladders, a game I hadnt
played in years! How singularly entertaining an otherwise silly
game can be when played in a group of six on a train!

For all my noisy tomtomming of sleeper class travel I must,

acknowledge the bitter truth that sleeper class coaches are
nowadays overrun by cockroaches and rats. For all his financial
49
wizardry, it appears that the Honble Railway Minister is now up
against a challenge that is oxymoronically speaking, both modest
and menacing. Perhaps it may help if he were to ensure that trains
are thoroughly cleaned and fumigated before they set forth on their
long jaunts across the country. At any rate, as a result of the
humble rat and the humbler cockroach, my sleeper class journeys
turned out to be a terror at nights, with the latter crawling all over
me and nightmares of the former biting through my luggage
playing on the mind all the time!

So now you know, for all my rants about the pleasures of sleeper
class travel, why I travel the way I do!

MY FRIENDS

I was fortunate to have countably finite friends many of whom

were school mates. We still continue our friendship for over five
decades enduring the test of time. . I was very mediocre in my
communicative skills, thoughts, debates, discussions and writings.
It is my progressive friends who have been a true inspiration and
role models for me. But for their unqualified support,
encouragement I would not have had the measure of success in
social and union life. What I am and whatever strength I derive
today, I owe it their friendship.
I recollect two interesting incidents of my childhood days. A sport
loving guardian in our housing colony whom we refer as uncle
gave a combined present to me and my friend for obtaining merit
marks in our school examination. Instead of being possessive, we
decided to form a sports club so that anyone of our other friends
could also use it. Some dispute took place among our friends as
many wished to use the football at the same time for their

50
respective groups. . I and friend therefore decided to burn the
football in sheer anger.
I remember many cricket matches me and our friend had organized
in our schooldays. Sine our parents couldnt buy for us bat, ball,
stumps or even bails we had to necessarily take those friends in
the eleven even when they were not good at the game lest their
parents will not give us these sports gadgets. We used to arrange
matches collecting fifty paisa form each player after great
difficulties, as prize money for wining team. When ever our team
won we used the prize money for buying a tennis ball or some
times merrily sipping rustic ice lollies ( Golas in hindi ) made from
big balls of ice shavings stuck on rudimentary bamboo sticks
from .colourful push-peddle carts vendors. This passion for team
building which took roots even in our nascent school days helped
me in the union activity and friend in becoming a good
entrepreneur today.

During our college days in the year 1970, myself and close friend
who is my schoolmate, toyed with the idea of setting up a mobile
library. We named it as Apollo library, as man had set his foot on
the moon at that time. We went on door to door campaign in
houses and lodges in and around Chembur locality and collected
huge collection of books, novels& comics which they would have
otherwise discarded to waste paper marts. Further we pooled in our
own book, novels, comics and collections made form friends
and relatives. We also purchased some new popular novels at a
discounted price, with the cash donation drive which conducted
along with collection of books mentioned above, from popular
book vendors in footpaths of Chembur, Matunga and Flora
fountain- Fort area .Some times we use to surreptiously flick books
from footpaths vendors under the pretext reading there to add up to
the collection.. Another friend of mine arranged for a place to
stock these books in a medical shop at Chembur petrol pump. The
shop owner appreciating our efforts gave us a place and requested
us to attend his shop during evening hours. . Many book hunters
51
enrolled as members of our library and visited the shop of
exchange of books. We retained Rs5/- as the security deposit for
books, reading charges free. On Saturdays evening and Sundays
we undertook door to door delivery of the books in and around
Chembur to enrolled members, carrying books in bicycles .This
novel mobile library was in operation for two years but when the
medical shop owner decided to close his shop, for valid personal as
well business reasons this novel idea petered away and we
distributed the books free to all those book hunters who needed it.
Encouraged by the massive response to above library idea of ours,
thereafter we adventured into collecting college books from houses
and lodges and started a Free Book Bank under aegis of Chembur
Youth Centre, we had set up, which was very popular not only in
Chembur but also in its neighborhood.. Many leading publishers
were kind enough to give us books as donations, which lend
success to this book bank project. The youth centre movement was
great success. The centre undertook many activities such teaching
high school children Maths, Economics and Commerce subjects,
organizing Tamil and Marathi speaking classes on Sunday
mornings, arranging for lectures by eminent personalities on
personality developments and allied subjects, in a school at
Chembur. The Principal of the school who was our main chair
person of the youth centre was kind enough provide class room in
the school for this purpose. After our graduation we started
teaching maths statistics, economic and commerce subjects to
college students in the very same school premise under aegis of the
centre.

During 1981 I convened a reunion meeting of the past students I

had taught. Almost all the students attended the meeting. It was
resolved in the meeting to form an organization-Ameya
(immortals). Through this organization we and many social-
engineering friends, could involve, activise youth in social work in
sprawling slums in Chembur. But once some us started taking
political stands and plunged into textile strike, many opted out.
52
But I and my friends continued working for progressive social and
political change for 40 years or more, associated, formed many
mass organizations in pursuit of a social change in the present
order. . We have tried to move beyond the divisive, angry, and
polarized us versus them social action and politics of our youth.
However, many of us opposed and still continue fight the
mainstream political scene, seeing it as hopelessly corrupt,
ineffective, and bordering on irrelevant, except for the mostly
negative impact it has on our lives. Our anger which motivated us
to get involved in social actions has sustained us so far. Many of
the social interventions in the next subheading of this story was
carried out together by us.

OTHER SOCIAL INTEVENTIONS

53
The concept of socialism catchword of many intellectuals, of my
time , which began a reaction against the upheavals caused
by the industrial revolution inspired me.. I was convinced
that Socialism is not a science, sociology in miniature it
is a cry of grief, sometimes of anger, uttered by men who
feel most keenly our collective malaise. Socialism is to the
facts which produce it what the Groans of a sick man are to
the illness with which it is afflicted, to the needs that
torment him. The essential characteristics of socialism such
as Emphasis on equality, Economic and Social , Social
ownership of the means of production , More emphasis on
social welfare, Economic Planning, Establishment of a
classless society convinced me that socialism is a more
humane ideology and inspired me further. Further I held the
belief from practice and reading theories that mass leaders
must have a large dose of humanity, a large dose of a sense
of justice and truth to avoid falling into dogmatic extremes,
into cold scholasticism, into isolation from the masses. They
must struggle every day so that their love of living humanity
is transformed into concrete deeds, into act that will serve as
an example, as a mobilizing factor. I met few of them in life.
And I took a plunge into the seas of humanity with the
following social interventions.

Solidarity Actions:

1. Participated actively in the Great Historic Bombay Textile

Strike (1982-84) of 2.5 lacs workers by organising over one
thousand workers in a locality solidarity committee called
Chembur Kamgar Samithy (Ref:Book:Log Haul: Rajini
Bakshi) along with Blue and White collar workers and middle
class intelligent of the locality.

2. Took vital role in organising the necessary infrastructure

for unionising widely scattered contract labourers in various
54
 small-scale industries and trades in the city of Bombay from
1984 onwards.

3. Initiated several programs for developing trade their united

actions and for working class solidarity including specific
campaigns (eg: Price rise, infringement on Trade Union
rights, solidarity actions with other workers in Public and
Private sectors).

Social Interventions:

1. Education :
a) Complimentary classes in Maths, Statistics and
Econometrics for H.Sc(12Std.)., B.A., B.Sc., B.Com., students
1972 1982

b) Book Bank

c) Adult Education programmer for the slum dwellers

d) Trade Union education secessions and material preparations

for the same.

e) Compiling, writing and publishing of the Trade Union

information books.

f) Author o f K n o w Your Rights (service conditions

manual for IOB Employees),-(a Magnus Opus). Today used as
reference book by the Management at our central office and in all
regions.

55
 e) Editions in KNOW YOUR RIGHTS
Preliminary 1980 (Hand written & cyclostyle 15pages)
st
1 Edition 1984 (Typed & cyclostyle 50 pages )
nd
2 Edition 1984 (Typed & cyclostyle 75 pages)
rd
3 Edition 1987 (Offset & zeroxes 150 Pages)
th
4 Edition 1989 (Printed Offset 300 Pages)
th
5 Edition 1993 (Printed Offset 462 Pages)
th
6 Edition 1997 (Printed Offset 700 Pages)
th
7 Edition 2000 (Printed Offset 650 Pages)

OTHER PUBLICATIONS UNDERTAKEN:

1. An unfinished journey - abridged version of the book

2. On the founder of IOB- : 60
pages
3. Know globalization glossary beyond jargon ; 125
pages
4. IOB and 108 : 950
pages
5. Know History and evolution of All India Overseas Bank
Employees Union :150
pages
6. Know Acupressure, Sujok and alternate therapies : 1100
pages ( typeset compete - to be edited- under process )
7. Know Evolution of wages in banking industry since 1944 :
1450 pages ( to be edited typeset ready under process)

2. Health and Hygiene : Propagation of Heath and Hygiene

and preventive medicines along with
doctors of Indian Medical Association
and Scientists of B.A.R.C. by various
methods including street comer campa-
igns, informal meetings with unions,
rigorous door to door survey for over 6
56
 months covering 10 slums, Audio visu-
al programmes, medical camps, Blood
donation and other drives.

3. Scientific Temper: Campaign against superstition and

propaganda of Scientific Temper along
with People's Science Movement in various
localities with extensive repertoir

4. Civil Liberties Right : Various campaigns and agitations with

several Democratic rights and Democ-
ratic Organisations.

5.Culture and Developing : Vi d e S t r e e t c o r n e r,

and campaigning for selling of progressive
Culture and Arts for literary and cultural
working people magazines books and
hoisting of Street thea-
tre plays.
6. Environment : Campaign against Industrial pollution,
noise pollution in Chembur and campaign
for the victims of Bhopal Gas Tragedy.

Sections of the People:

Students: Assisted in organizing various sections of students in

developing agitations for their legitimate demands and
introducing them to organizations of their interests.

Youth: (Unemployed and under employed) Channelised scores

of youth into constructive organised activities for their
own and social progress.

Women: (Wives of workers and working women) Organised

57
 various sections of women to fight for their rights and
participated in several of their agitational and educa-
tional programs (Anti dowry campaigns, celebration of
women's day, National Women Conferences, film
festivals).

Slum Dwellers: Worked with several sections of slum dwellers at

various levels of poverty and recognising them
as workers living in slums. Participated and
attended to numerous of their personal
problems of socio-economic nature.

Tribals & Organized Coffee Plantation workers at Ooty

Communities: to form trade unions, Backward Co-operatives
and assisted in organising socio economic
projects for backward communities in Chingleput
District (Madras).

Children: Conducted non informal Education classes for

slum
children in Bombay.

MY WIFE :

The best effort of a fine person is felt after we have left the
work we loved most. How true the statement. I realize it when it is
too late after my retirement from the bank. It will be truthful to say
that I did not take enough care and interest in matters concerning
my own family during my tenure of over 35 years in union and
social, political activities mentioned above.

58
 My regret is that I have not saved enough to protect my Mrs. If
I happened to pass out early. I cannot imagine her without me on
her side. This brings out the most important question mark in my
life. We are together for the last 26 years or so. So far in this
narrative she found very little space. It was not intentional. There
was not any dialogue between us on the life out of home where I
was engaged most of the time. Also in the early days of marriage
I worked till late night and used to come home only around
midnight . The journey from Nerul to Nariman Point where we had
our contact office of the union itself use to engage me for more
than 4 hours in absence of railway trains and BEST busses at that
time. . Prime time of the day was spent mostly out of home. The
last state transport bus form Mankurd- the connecting railway
station to my place was in those days 10.p.m. normally I use to
miss this bus and take request hitch trips through lorries or other
vehicles in the highway to go my place . There are times I have
walked form Vashi to Nerul if I got a hitchhike upto Vashi which
much developed . Even the stray dogs at Nerul became friendly to
me. on seeing me at late nights they started wagging their tails
follow me to my house and stopped barking at me.

It all seemed natural to me at that time. There might be other

reasons for her pose. Fear, un-certainty or other. However, for too
long a time she did not show an inclination to know what were my
public activities, their importance or significance. It might be
mutual. I did not make any effort to initiate her to be a partner in
all activities. I have no clue today for what has turned out to be,
considering the fact that I am ideologically convinced and
committed to gender equality and participation of women in all
public activities on equal footing. Even without an ideology as an
ordinary conventional husband I should have taken her into
confidence and instilled a kind of confidence to keep her
communicative. Neither I tried to find nor she showed any desires,
aspiration and or demand. What she talked about were that of
ordinary domestic chores or occasional visits to relations. I
59
wonder today how she coped with tasks of bringing up my
daughter through school and then college. None were part of talks
at home. She might be nursing strong grievances that I cared less
about how our daughter fared in their day to day affairs. When she
came, she was new to city. In the CIDCO condominium where we
stayed, the language of communication was mostly Hindi that was
foreign. But I was amazed that she picked up Hindi very fast and
was equally good in communicative Malayalam too which she
picked up from my close, caring neighbours. During the late
eighties, we had our Gujarat conference. Those days there were no
written nominations for elections in advance - the concept we
introduced during our regime, and nominations were called on the
floor during the conference. When I came to know that the
regional, parochial, political outfit which was in the power in the
state , had planned to stop me reaching Gujarat to facilitate their
mass organisation in the bank to capture power, by force, I took a
bus two days before our scheduled programme to Gujarat. While
opening the door, since our house was not inhabited for many
years, till we stepped in, the door caved it. But I left the house
informing the neighbours to take care of her and she remained
without the main door in the house for week. At that time our
marriage was only 4 months old. That bespeaks of her grit as wells
her agony.
When my wife developed labour pain, fortunately I was in
Mumbai. My mother in law and my friend admitted her to the
nursing home in Chembur .on receiving the phone call reached
there. My wife was there in the labour room. My mother in law
was feeling nervous. The doctor advised us that the delivery will
take some time and we have to stay overnight. Since my mother in
law had track record of two still born babies, one infant death after
three months, and three abortions, believing in superstitions
requested me to relive her.
While restlessly waiting I was experiencing butterflies in the
stomach. I was jittery too. I thought child birth happened just like
in the movies. I even pictured myself standing outside the
60
Operation Room while my wife gave birth. I thought the nurse
would come and show me my baby in the end But it turned out to
be an exciting experience to me which I am mentioning in this
narrative . My wife was very nervous in the labour room and
cried out my name for help. Seeing her plight the doctor called me
to her cabin and told me husbands do have to take an equal part in
child birth and bringing up babies and as per their nursing home
policies they allowed husbands in the labor and delivery room if
the wife desires for natural and cesarean deliveries. However if
potential complications occur during the process , I may be asked
leave the labor room .Further these encouraging words of my
doctor I dont isolate wives during delivery, as it is a very
traumatic time for them. If you are a husband, you must support
your wife at this critical time and not be afraid motivated and
encouraged me

Being in the labour room with your wife is probably the most
important thing you can do for her. I will never forget the day my
daughter was born. It was an anxious wait in the delivery room. I
believe it is very natural for every man to feel nervous when he
enters the delivery room not knowing what to expect for the first
time. As for me, I took my wife to the hospital as soon as her water
bag broke. I had a lot of mixed feelings, being anxious and happy
at the same time.

While waiting for our gynaecologist in the labour room, my wife

began sweating and I could sense that her pain was becoming
intensely stronger. As an inexperienced first-timer, I did not know
how to help her. I held her hand and told her to stay calm and not
to worry. After the doctor came in to check my wife and unborn
baby, the nurses started to prepare the room. The doctor gave
specific instructions to my wife: 'Don't waste your energy. Do not
simply push and waste your energy.'

61
I jotted down in memory everything the doctor had said so I could
help her through labour. When my wife kept shouting and telling
me that she was in tremendous pain, I tried to calm her down.
Then, I noticed that her legs were shaking while she was trying to
push the baby out.

At this point, I was afraid my wife could not withstand the pain, as
she had not taken any painkillers. My biggest fear was that she
might collapse or fall unconscious and this could lead to other
complications.

Though it was chaotic, I wanted to be in the delivery room because

I wanted to support her. The birth of my baby was definitely
something I wanted to witness because it was important to me.

However, the biggest challenge was pretending to be calm in front

of my wife when I was actually feeling very tense the whole time!
I knew I had to be calm and collected in order to encourage her to
be calm as well.

There was such excitement when I first saw my baby's hair and
head. I knew she was going to be out soon. In my heart, I wanted
to hold her tight and to give her my first daddy kiss. It was an
amazing experience indeed. I could feel the power of life and hope.
The proudest moment was when my daughter was born. I was also
very proud of my wife for all the hard work she had put in as well.
In fact, it motivated me to work hard for my family! It was a very
novel experience for me. Being in labor room for the first time in
my life and seeing a baby com alive to this world was a
privileged experience me. I saw my daughters struggle to be born.
My daughter was born on the Vijaya Dasami (Durga Pooja) day, on
30-09-1987 exactly one year after my marriage. Since she had
sharp, bright eyes we named her Divya.

62
 Thereafter to work a common thread of commonality of mutual
interests, I started involving myself with subject of her choice.
Apart form assisting her in the household chorus such as cooking,
washing utensils etc, we do regular joint readings during our spare
time in spiritual books, and books on yoga, acupressure and Sujok
therapy ( hand foot treatment ). A huge collection books I have on
these subjects She did her diploma course in yoga therapy and
learnt acupressure, Sujok therapy. Our routine is rather prosaic.
Nothing unusual, we get up at 5 a.m. after doing yoga for half an
hour if possible, go for routine brisk morning walk for 45 minutes
without fail, followed by yogic meditation for 15 minutes if
possible. . Thereafter I spend half an hour reading newspapers and
magazines or anything that holds interest me at that moment .
(novels not excluded). Between 7 to 8 a.m, I chant Tatrirya
Upanishad, Rudram , Chamakam , and Purshasuktahm hymns
which I learned out of my own efforts from cassettes and net ,
which makes her happy.

In the evening we chant together Vishnu Sahsranaman. These

activities strengthened and cemented our bond of love and mutual
faith further. While I have a reasonable understanding in the
theory Sujok therapy ( I bought many books on the subject from
south Korea where we have a branch) , she has a good grasp of the
subject and with her deft pair of hands imparts therapy to those
come to us with pain related problems ( back pain, neck pain etc) .

Over a period with good activists from the social movements

coming to my house and having good interactions with us she
came to know the pulse of our socio political work and started
endorsing the same. It will be pertinent to mention here that before
my marriage she stayed with my aged cousin sister, at Kalakad ,
her grand mother in a house which was electrified only during
2001 , after I decided to do so to meet my comforts when I visited

63
there. Before marriage all her schooling and studies she managed
with chimney lamp and hurricane light.

Though she has not learned cooking beyond some daily

brahminical dishes, soon she learnt to cook north Indian dishes
through her association with her local friends and on watching TV
With all the constraints she never complained. Only during the last
few years, I perceived her hidden earnings and aspirations. She
envisaged a good life, nothing extravagant, dressing and going out,
visiting places, attending entertainments, occasional holidays, and
some modest ornaments to wear. But she never expressed any of
those wishes openly. So I never knew. She had a grievance about
my spending money on books. She did not take into consideration
that most of them were very low priced. My own income
throughout my service in the bank was sufficient only to carry on
with day to day necessities and occasional visit to Kalakad and
other places availing LFC . The financial position was easier
towards to the last days before my retirement. There were years in
between when I never purchased any books and still faced with
anxieties. One cannot correct the past even if we perceive it as
wasted or sign of madness.

Our relations, in more than half a century were satisfactory both

physically as well as emotionally. With all that behind us, I am sure
that in her view I have not acted to her expectations in the past due
to my union preoccupation and being away from home for fifty
percent of our married life. . No expectations for anything to
happen to change the future.

64
 In any places in this narrative I have not mentioned the name of
my wife. It might be a sign of my mental make up. I regret it
happened unlike in the case of orthodox Brahmins where both
husband and wife do not take name of each other.
Unconsciously or so her name did not come in this narrative.
As stated earlier her mother and Periyaypas family at Kalakad
where she was brought up were too orthodox to my taste. Some
how this narrative followed this taboo. I express my apologies
to Alamelu affectionately called by me as Ambuj .

My daughter Divya had inherited balanced blend of qualities of

my lovable mother-in-law , Ambuj and me She is level
headed and has strong leadership skills, urge to fight injustice,
and above all she is above cosmetics, petty frills and foibles.
She is blessed with mellifluous voice. She is good orator and
writer too. , Drawing, pottery, embroidery, paperworks are her
other interests. She has done Sangeet Visharat ( equivalent to
graduation ) in Hindustani music. She sings Carnatic songs
equally well, which she learned it for few years in her primary
school days, She had to give it up because her teacher left to
Australia and no equivalent person was available in Nerul take
her musical passion forward.. That is where she started learning
Hindustani music. I record her songs in our old tape recorder,
and listen to it when I am alone at Chennai.
Throughout her school days she never went to any coaching
classes except for brief period for specific subjects when she
was in higher secondary. All through her school and college I
taught her maths, statistics and to some extent physics. . I use
engage for her hours together in this regard. This rigour laid a
foundation for furtherance her skills, logistics and thoughts.

Apart for assisting me carrying out proof reading of many of union

and other publications, she was instrumental in giving finishing
touches to my works with pulsating cover designs and formatting
of all my publications inconsonance with its theme, leaving her
65
innovative imprints. sometimes she has helped me in even
drafting of my circulars, editing my publications making it terse,
and in the art works of my publications .

After taking a job at Accenture a management Consulting soon

after her college and her pursuance with her further studies at
Symbiosis , Pune, her musical passion took a back seat.
However she manages to give glimpse of her musical talent
when ever she gets a chance during college meets ,other social
meets and family gatherings. She is at present pursing her
final year in MBA (IT) at Symbiosis, Pune, and very soon we
have at to ensure she settles down in life too. Lady
Luck referred to us Fortuna, in Roman mythology, Tyche, in
Greek mythology- Goddess of fortune, never favoured her
when she needed it most all through her academics and life.
Undeterred she brushes these failures with contemptuous
nonchalance, and takes success and failure with equanimity not
resigning to static human fossils who loathe unhappiness and
pain . By sheer perseverance, patience and hard work she has
often achieved what she wanted on a future day.

I draw great satisfaction that with my social networking

connections with my membership because of my work and
position in the union , I could take them to many places in India ,
including all states in north east, and introduce them to good
activists in the union and their family though out my tenure in the
union . This has given them necessary exposure to take up travels
independently which Ambuj does these days often going to my
native place every quarter to take care of my aged co-sisters,
reciprocating her eternal gratitude to them for having nurtured
nourished her . She prefers the shortest Trivandrum route by
Konkan Railway boarding the train at New Panvel (just 30 minutes
form my house) to go to Kalakad. The journey time beteen
Trivandrum and Kalakad is only four hours. Our union activists in

66
Trivandrum or Nagerkoil have been kind enough to receive her and
arrange vehicle for her onward journey to Kalakad. Many times
they are courteous enough to accompany her too. Our union
activists for Tirunelveli make arrangements for her return journey
from Kalakad to Trivandrum. Apart form travel arrangements they
attend to her other specific requests if any. Divya calls therefore
my union as an extended family.

Divya has struck emotional, resonant chord with my aged cousin

sisters often referred in this narrative, at Kalakad and meets them
very often during leisure discarding the pleasure of going to other
places in India during her leave period . She has a firm resolve
that as long as she can radiate cheers to these aged cousin sisters
with her presence, she will meet them as along they are alive, and
going to other places in India can be always taken up on a future
date. In fact she availed my last LFC in my banks service to visit
them during her brief leave period while at Symbiosis, where as
me and Ambuj went to Tawang in Arunachal Pradesh in the North
East.

MY MOTHER IN LAW :

Mothers-in-law have a special status in our society. The celluloid

media have often denigrated their special status portraying them as
meddling, domineering or just plain cranky old woman. This
stereotyping of mothers-in-law as evil and blood thirsty by media
and popular film culture violates the civil liberties and the
constitutional provisions of right to liberty and right to life. For
example My mother-in-law does not conform to this archetype of
the filmy media in any way.
I was fortunate to have an amazing mother in law. This narrative
cannot become complete without mentioning her. She filled the
Vacuum created in our lives after my mothers death soon after my
marriage. My mother in law was my fathers sisters daughter. She
lost her mother at a young age. Hence my Periyyapa arranged for
67
marriage of his third daughter, one of my cousin sister aged 86
now at Kalakad, often referred by me in this narrative, to her
father. My mother in laws father was a very progressive person
during that period, a B.A, honours graduate, and was the founder,
as well as the principal of the Muslim school in the agraharam (a
name given to the Brahmin quarters of heterogeneous village area).
He was drawing Rs.106-10-12 during 1950s which today will be
equivalent around one lacs. My mother in law was brought by him
with love and care. Her marriage was performed for three days
with pomp and grandeur at Kalakad attended by scores of Muslims
in that area. But she had a disarrayed, married life. Her husband
took to inebriations and the family suffered. Just before my
mother death, I brought her to Mumbai to take care of mother in
case she is discharged from the hospital. But, sadly! That was not
to be. Fed up the treatment meted out her after her husbands death
by close relatives, she decided to stay with us. She was indeed a
lovely women acknowledged by all my friends. Ambuj was
singularly fortunate to be her mother while after marriage girls go
to their mother-in-laws house .She created, caring and much
needed space to Ambuj and Divya when I am away from family for
prolonged period after becoming General Secretary of the union.
She was a fine, cheerful human being, radiating hope and energy
when I needed. She referred to her deceased friends as being in
heaven, as if they had just stepped into the next room. She does
not live in the past. She was reading every days Tamil news paper
and use make noting in her diary. She never use to miss important
serial in TV. Though she could not understand Marathi .She liked
watching humorous Marathi pictures in Zee Talkies Marathi
channel, and appreciated it. Life for her is an adventure. Her sense
of humor was marvelous. She has never interfered in our lives. She
does her thing and we do ours and she never condemned us for
doing things that we enjoy.
In the late 90s, she was diagnosed with metastatic breast
cancer. Her breast cancer was not diagnosed until after she had
developed visible lesions of terminal stage. She was admitted at
68
Sion hospital and I was with her, throughout her treatment period.
In recognition of my efforts and concern shown to her treatment,
the nurses in the Sion hospital permitted me meet her and be with
her when needed in the ladies ward even at night as a special case.
We did not inform any of our relatives, including her mother and
other children about her disease through out the period of her
treatment. Thereafter she was administered chemotherapy at Sion
hospital and spot radiation at Tata Memorial Hospital She was able
to bravely fight the disease for four and half years time with the aid
of strong pain killers and other palliatives.

I brought her second daughter who was married to another caste

to Mumbai for her delivery. Her delivery was a traumatic
experience. When she developed labour pain it was century
heaviest rain fall in Mumbai - no water, electricity in our area. We
admitted her in a nursing home at Nerul. A solitary nurse who was
compelled to do additional shift was available in the nursing home.
Due to dislocation and cancellation trains and buses, other nurses
could not turn up for work. The doctor was kind enough to reach
there in time in her car as she staying nearby. . Seeing depletion
in nurses strength at that time I narrated my experience during my
wifes delivery to the doctor and she we kind enough to permit me
to present in the labour room. I ended up supporting my sister in
law all through labour, standing right by her and kept reassuring
me throughout; I carried three bucket of water by auto rickshaw to
the nursing home as there was not sufficient water. The delivery
was performed with emergency light and candles and I had
privilege of witnessing another delver in my life time. It was
exciting and emotional experience to me. We named the child
Dipika, synonym to Divya

Her son was a psychiatric patient. I brought him to Mumbai and

found a job placement for him in a nearby factory. But as he

69
developed more and more psychiatric complications I took him for
treatment with Dr. Sharada Menon - a pioneer psychiatrist at
Chennai who brought sweeping reforms in mental health in India.
He was administered Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), (formerly
known as electroshock) ten times. the treatment lasted for a month.
During this treatment period I taught him cooking, English
speaking and Yoga. I was fortunate that my Chairman &
Managing Director agreed to my request and appointed him as a
peon in IOB soon after his treatment. In three years time he
became a clerk. All these things happened during the treatment
period of my mother in law for cancer. Four months before her
death we could arrange for suitable match to my brother in-law at
my native place. The marriage took place at Sankaran Koil
temple .I and Ambuj took the guardian role in his marriage. Today
they are well settled with two school going kids. .

After the match was arranged for her son she was happy and
ecstatic. I decide that all her family members should meet. My
sister in law, a school teacher at Aarnatangi in Pudukooati district
and her two children came to Chennai to be with us. We did not
inform them of her dreadful disease. We had rollicking time. We
went to Mahabalipuram for sightseeing and had lovely dip in the
beach. My mother in law was in sea water for a long time enjoying
the rising and waning waves and every blissful moment of her left
out life.

I arranged for a good photographer friend of mine to take

portrait photographs of my mother in laws family. My mother in
law , Ambuj , and my sister in law draped themselves in
Madisar(4) saris and Divya in Pavadai dhaavani(5)

But his happiness was just fleeting. In he evening my mother in

law took me to the other room and told me she has developed
extraordinary growths in her abdomen. I kept this sad information
as secret to my wife too. We rushed back to Mumbai. On

70
diagnosis it turned out be malignant. She was taken to Tata
Memorial and the doctor recommended her continuous spot
radiations for two months. . To complete the treatment in months
time before the date fixed for the marriage of my brother in law, at
our request she was administered treatment twice in a day, one in
the morning and in the evening. Everyday, I use to accompany her
for treatment. Since this treatment was administered for the first
time in the hospital , my mother in law being a cooperative patient
, the doctors requested her dress up well during one of her
treatment day her treatment to pose a for photographs ,as they had
invited leading oncologists from the world to demonstrate this
treatment. My mother in law sincerely adhered to their request and
was looking ravishing in her silk saris. . During the
interregnum( between first and second treatment of the day ) I use
to show her temples in South Mumbai such as
Mahalakshmi,Babulanth ,Mumbadevi, Prabadevi, etc, and we
spent hours together in the lawns Parsee Garden at Matunga or
other good locations eating our packed foods and indulging in
productive discussions. to get ready for spot radiation in the
evening. Many a times during the treatment I had taken her to good
south Indian restaurants of Matunga. Once I took her Nehru
planetarium and she had good time there seeing stars and
planets. ... By sheer providence more so because of determination
and grit she completed the treatment in time and she joined us for
the marriage of her son at Sankaran Koil in Tirunelveli district-our
Kula Devta.

I draw great satisfaction that I could take my mother in law to

Varanasi, Hrishikesh , Haridwar , Agra , Mathura and other
important places in its vicinity before cancer made her immobile .
During this tour I came know more of her and we developed
inseparable bond of love and respect for each other. She was great
inspirer to all us and my friends .She won their hearts with her
sweet smile.
71
 A beautiful life got suddenly extinguished at the young age of
59 due to the late detection of the killer disease. But it cannot
extinguish the aroma that she radiates in ones memories. The pain I
suffer often due swinging mood syndromes, sudden bouts of mental
depression and the treatments I undergo , while in solitude seems
so insignificant, compared to what she must have faced on that
fateful day.

I still remember the first day I met her, which was the day of
my marriage. The sparkle and brightness that radiated from her
childlike face, never dimmed through all the torturous years of
struggles, excruciating pains she has undergone in her married life.
The same bubbly spirit, the same dynamism, and the same active
and sharp mind of youth, remained till the very end. The purity of
her soul, her deep commitment to my well being never allowed
her to be weighed down by any kind of hardshipphysical or
mental. That is why the wear and tear of life could not extinguish
her charm and exuberance. It was only the deadly and incurable
breast caner which struck her, that suddenly resulted in her ageing
overnight.

Though her face grew drawn, she never allowed the disease to
destroy her spirit. The fire for a full life, did not diminish, even an
iota. Till her very last day, from six in the morning to twelve at
night she was continuously on the move praying ,dressing up
Divya , reading, diary noting , cooking and cleaning herself and
above all being at ease with my friends , some of whom stayed
overnight in my house after hectic political discussions. . . Though
the disease was slowly eating away her organsher lungs, her
kidneys, her heartand crippling her mobility , she knew no rest.
Even her arthritic knees, which grew more and more painful, did
not stop her climbing stairs, and joining me for a tour to religious
places in the north which included an half an hour trek to Neel
kanth in Rishikesh .

72
 The same simplicity, straight forwardness. childlike innocence
remained permanent with her. Her face was a reflection of her
emotionsunable to lie, manipulate others or indulge in intrigue.
Besides, her ability to bond with all my friends and union
colleagues, from the simplest slum dweller, peon in my office,
union members in distress to topmost intellectuals, who visited my
house often, is indeed legendary. She had the beauty of innocence,
yet maintaining the sharpness dynamism of a professional. It is this
combination that gives her eternal fragrance. It is nearly a decade
she died, yet her fragrance lingers on. The sweet scent like from an
eternal blossom intoxicates my mind with memories of her
vivacious and loving spirit.
So all things considered, I was fortunate to have a good
mother- in-love .We do so many things in life in the wrong order.
We sprinkle salt on the driveway after the ice has formed. We eat
dinner before dessert .I didnt want to wait to deliver her eulogy
after she is gone. Besides, Id never be able to write this as a poem.
I want to tell her now.
Your kindness has inspired me in more ways than one.
The time we shared meant so much to me and I had a lot of fun.
You taught me the true meaning of a mother's love.
You reminded me when I was in doubt to look up above.
Your strength is amazing through this hard time.
You're more than a mother-in-law; you're a best friend of mine.

MY SCHOOL AT MUMBAI

I consider myself fortunate and singularly privileged & blessed

that through my fathers contact at Asthika Samaj, I could procure
admission in SIES High School, Matunga, an oldest and premier
educational institution, when my mother shifted her family to
Mumbai in the late fifties. . Though I did not have mark sheets of
my first standard and the formal TC of school I studied in my
73
native place , due to my fathers reputation , and on merits I was
enrolled in the second standard. The SIES institution became an
essential pat of my life as I spent my entire academic education
-school and college with the same institution. Traditional turban
,immaculately white tucked up dhoti draped with a knee long
cotton coat demanding reverence , a stern look penetrating
through the button holes of half pant clad boys who stride the
steps to the class room in silence in the morning , a mere
appearance that instilled discipline even among the delinquents,
Late.T.S Muthuswamy Iyer , the trade mark teacher and
headmaster , dominated the scene . The motto of our school Satya
Nasti Paro Dharmah (Sanskrit) There is no religion (duty, law)
higher than truth (reality). The very thought of standing in the
gates at the entrance with this message for hours together
sometimes even after the school hours as punishment made student
to be diligent and careful.. Our headmaster firmly believed that
flogging is only facilitator of studies and that a cane tucked under
the armpit alone could tame tallboys in their teen that teased timid
ones.

Many who stepped out of our school are now scattered

everywhere throughout the globe occupying esteemed position
and status in the society. If our school could produce prodigies like
Dr.Kasturi Rangan who launched satellites for India, the
foundation could be traced to the eminent and dedicated teachers
of the school.
I was fortunate that a pleasant relationship developed between
Muthuswamy Iyer, our headmaster and my family when he shifted
to old age home at Nerul SIES complex. . Before shifting to this
place, he stayed in my house for over two months during
Kanchiperivas visit to Nerul. Those were the days my mother-in-
law was undergoing treatment for cancer. He had special liking for
my mother-in-law, Ambuj and Divya . He would make a point to
give Ambuj and Divya, some gift on important festivals and
occasions, saying they are his daughters. Every day while going to
74
temple at SIES Nerul ,Ambuj would visit him and his lovely wife
Meenakshi ammal in the ashram .Meenakshi madam had special
space and affinity for Ambuj's hospitality and awe for Divya's 's
gifted ,sonorous voice. Muthuswamy Iyer used to come to our
house at least thrice in week and wont hesitate to demand Tiffin, or
lunch. He used to like good blended coffee without sugar. During
stay in my house he used to take bath at 11.30 p.m so that we are
not disturbed in the early morning when he commences his prayers
around 3.a.m. And around 5 A.M. he would go to bed once again.
He was having sound routine though not very orthodox. So
modest he was-an antithesis to the strong exterior we noticed
during our school days. Before his admission to local hospital
where he died when his wife told him that she will bring to
Ambujs notice about his ill health , he admonished her saying
dont create a scene , I will back tomorrow. That way I was
fortunate to have a contended family life. I realize time has come
for me to unwind myself from the union fold, start a new life and
spent quality time my family.

MY SCHOOL BUS LIFE

My rant about my high schoolers taking -- or, rather, not taking --

the bus got me remembering. Our school had hired around nine
school buses. When I joined the school there were only five and
every year one more was added. The owner of the bus a Parsee
gentlemen whom we uncle, in half trousers, himself used to drive
bus number one. He and my Head Master were good friends. The
common thing among them was to enforcing discipline. But their
ways differed. Uncle use to enforce discipline in a pleasant manner
without hurting or frightening kids. The bus came by our house at
9am. We had to be out at the corner of our housing board colony
would pass us by -- there was none of that stopping in front of
someone's house and honking the horn. Once you miss the bus -
just bunk the school and get scolding of elders in the house.

75
 My school bus experiences create memories that are positive.
Because my stop was the second of the morning route, I would
usually sit up front, right behind the driver. I would ask lots of
questions about driving and traffic. I would offer to open the door
at the various stops. I would sometimes slip under the bar
separating the driver from the students and sit on the box between
the driver and the window. Why those men (ever put up with my
antics) is beyond me. But I loved riding the bus. I loved school.
And I loved being up front - in the bus, in the classroom, at temple,
in the car. (I still like being up front.) Some things never change...

The evening bus rides were often tougher. The younger kids would
often get on the bus first and they usually wanted the front seats.
Since me and friend were waiting to seize appropriate time to
stealthily flick some eatables from the road side hawkers and hide
into the bus, I use to miss my front set. So I'd have to sit in the
back.

I had my fair share of fights on the bus. Being the peace-loving,

tender-hearted kid that I was, I tried as hard as possible to avoid
fisticuffs, but sometimes I had no choice but to defend myself.
Pulled hair. Split lips. Torn clothing. Bookbag contents strewn. It
wasn't pretty. But I survived.

At some traffic signals two buses stopped side-by-side. Suddenly

several windows were opened and many high fives and handshakes
were exchanged between students on the two buses. Then when the
light turned green, just as suddenly as they had been opened a
moment or two before, the windows were closed and the
homeward journey continued.

Life on the school bus, especially during my middle school years,

was quite different from school bus life in primary school. The
main reason for the vast change in school bus etiquette was a
mischievous kid. I won't say his name because I want to protect
76
him from potential prosecution for the behavior he incited and
committed on the bus. Water bottles squeezed out onto
unsuspecting people waiting to cross the street after the school bus
passed them by pedestrians were showered with water. I still cringe
when I think of the poor man on his bike, dressed all in white, who
was doused in blue ink from the ink pot as we passed him by this
kid. I for one never participated in this rampant tomfoolery, but nor
did I make any attempt to end it. I laughed a lot on that bus.

Well, except for the few times when the bus driver would pull over
to the side of the road, get out of his seat and come to the back to
reprimand us for our noise and for our rowdy behavior.
Throughout my school life I was taken to and fro from my house
by our school bus. I learned on school trips how to socialize with
other students, how some friendships are builtand how easily
some people flew off the handle, to stand up for myself, how
to get along with othersnot to be afraid to talk to others, how
to socialize with peers, and the way kids act without adult
supervision. Friendly interactions, the sharing of experiences and
ideas, and, generally, an opportunity to interact that was different
from the typical peer interactions in schools. Chorus songs,
sometimes Bhajans, sharing snacks were other normative
experiences. Me and my friend often referred by me in this
narrative, from our middle schools days onwards use to arrange
for Annual Day Celebration of our school bus students on the last
day of our academic term in the bus.
Most of other child hood friends were from Chembur. Their
schools used to over by 4.p.m. and they will start playing in the
ground by 5p.m. But our school bus could reach Chembur earliest
by5p.m. Hence I would run to my home , throw my bags and
shove what ever my mother has prepared in my pant packets and
rush to ground and while playing eat there sharing with others.
It's remarkable how so much of who I am today, who I live with,
who I relate easiest to, what I fear, what I avoid, and what I find
funny was established during my years as a school bus rider. Many
77
of the most important lessons of my life were learned while the
wheels on the bus went round and round.

BEGINNING OF A NEW HORIZON

No person in the long journey of full career span of work

escapes the craving for rest. Active as he may be in whatever
sphere of life, eager to press forward in some vital quest, ambitious
as he may be for honour, position, wealth or fame, there comes a
moment of realisation when one would gladly forsake anything for
a period of rest . Time had come for most of my schoolmates to
reap the perpetual bliss of an approved conscience, with ease,
amidst the crowding, pushing of files, choking mass of affairs
which hurry men on through the pathways of life and at the same
time being active as many were approaching the age of
superannuation. .Recognizing this some of my thoughtfuland
visionary batch mates of SSC 69 batch decided to organize the
first reunion meeting on Feb 24, 2008. The meeting was organized
through word of mouth and phone calls. It was an emotional
experience for most of us, who attended. Many of us thought this
meet would a mere ephemeral. But actions and events proved us
wrong .We continued to meet for five consecutive occasions
thereafter and have started planning now itself for the sixth meet in
February 2013. The SIES 69 had today come of age. Every day,
incoming e-mail in our Google site demonstrates that the batch
mates have struck a resonant chord. I spent an hour every day
responding some mails, and cherry-picking forwards, articles for
next days post. This has kept me not only preoccupied but has also
78
expanded my knowledge. We have emerged as largest High
School reunion of our school and contributed our mite to the
school through our SEP( special educational programmes ) and
SAF( students assistant fund for economically backward students
of our school ) prgramames. The other batches in the school went
the traditional way and they lost the requisite momentum and SIES
69 stands tall in the SIES high school fraternity, today
which owners pride, neighbours envy. . We have gained a new
respect for our social actions. How far weve come we dont know,
where we go from here we have no clue. The sky is the limit. The
heavens are waiting to let these stars through, and SIES 69 is built
to shine all through our glorious life. Before concluding I thank
God as under for making my life meaningful.

Thank you God

Thank you god for making me takes birth in a poor family. Had I
not been born in such a family, I would not be what I am today.

Thank you God for being good g to my parents, who though not
educated in the modern sense, were intelligent, inquisitive, caring
and wise people. I inherited some of these qualities from them and
I care for others, because of this.

Thank you God for giving me an opportunity for becoming a

graduate in mathematics. Because of this, I was proud to be
associated with conducting free classes for students along with my
union career for a decade which have indirectly helped some to
achieve their feat.

Thank you God for making me marry a girl, who has sacrificed all
her wishes and wants to keep me happy. But for her I would not be
what I am.

79
 Thank you God for giving me daughter, who like me, cares for all
those who suffer. I am sure that when she gets older and more
secure, she will spend all their energy and wealth to wipe the tears
of every one in the world. She too is extremely intelligent and
inquisitive. Due to all this when the time comes for me to bid
farewell to this world, I will do it without any care cheerfully.

Thank you god in particular for giving my daughter the gift of

voice , with which she renders scintillating and soothing music
which has helped me and friends to fight ennui when alone at
Chennai .
Thank you God for my union and social contributions and the
great recognition that I got from my people. I know with my
qualification and my union specialization, it is you who have done
it.

Thank you God for my ability to write short stories, political

articles, poems in English and my passion for humour. Without
these, I would have considered me as incomplete.

Thank you God for giving me a handful of very efficient and a very
concerned, very caring friends who have sustained a relationship
with me for over four decades in rain and sunshine enduring the
test of time.

Thank you God for the very naturally intelligent inquisitive,

emotional school mates who have come together to form a
REUNION in 2007 carving our niche as trend setters in the school.

Thank you God for enabling me to contribute almost each day to

my school reunion site. This has now grown in to a banyan tree
providing pleasure, relaxation knowledge and help .

Thank you God for whatever I am. Because of your grace and
80
blessing I have a productive social, union & family life. Now on
my friends and my school reunion mates will provide space and
time to me always.

Finally Thank you God for making me healthy and wealthy

(without any wants) and a good human being.
I cant ask for anything more.

SOME CONCLUSIONS:

Some one reading all that were in the earlier pages will come
with a question that needs an answer and possibly an
explanation at this juncture. I have said that I believed in
communist ideology and a society of that future. Do I carry
them today? Not exactly. There are changes that are major in
my present outlook. My disbelief in and opposition to all
religions has strengthened as the days go bye. More and more
evidences come thru from so many sources. The gods to whom
prayers are held and offering are made in order to get
protection from decease, mishap, calamity, ill luck etc. are in
need of Z plus security these days. Even thou they think and
practice religion the people are not at all convinced that their
gods could take care of themselves or their sacred abodes the
temples. But belief persists. There were reports that the Ice
Lingam that gets formed in the Amarnath cave in Kashmir
Himalayas had melted before the season ended thru the heat
generated by the crowds visiting it now a days and due to
global warming
81
 This gentleman (Pranav Khullar - author) is a regular on the
topic of gods and spiritual column Speaking Tree in Times
of India. This piece about the Ice Lingam was on 18/8/05.
There were in the media that the divine ice lingam melted and
disappeared on 30.7.05 while the Sravan Poornima was on
19.8.05. According to reports the pilgrims thinned after the
melt down of the lingam.
Ice Lingam in an ice cold cave surrounded by ice caped
mountains melted down inspite of the ardent devotees seeking
its (Shiva) blessings. The season was not over (August 2005)
but reports say that devotees thinned and trekked back. So that
is another miracle. That in nutshell is my considered view on
gods and religion. The concept of Atma and Paramatma as
given in vedantic thought are the thoughts and experiences of
certain conditioned mental exercises that doesnt affect the
material reality in any way. Of course they change ones
mental make up. Those who are permeated with deep faith
could not alter their thoughts. We are the witnesses today to
such a phenomena in religion oriented terrorism. They believe
in god given command to act against non believers. Every day
we hear about the consequences all over the world. There is a
view that religions caused the highest number of killings and
murders throughout history. The sorry fact is that it continues
in this twenty first century.
I have red several articles that on the name of god, religion a
g(oo)d business flourishes . one can snatch everything one has.
One just needs to teach immortality!!

Tehelka (30th Jun, 2007) reported news that how different

religious gurus are eating away the hard earned money of poor
people.

(A part of that news is as below)

82
As per estimates with the finance and home ministries, the
total turnover of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's empire is
approximately Rs 400 crore,Turnovers of various other so
called religious Gurus are as Asaram Bapu (turnover Rs 350
crore), Mata Amritanandamayi, "Amma", of Kerala (turnover
Rs 400 crore), Baba Ramdev of Hardwar (turnover Rs 400
crore), Sudhanshu Maharaj (turnover Rs 300 crore), and
Murari Bapu (turnover Rs 150 crore).

Membership rates of Baba Ramdev Ordinary membership: Rs

11,000. Honored membership: Rs 21,000. Special
membership: Rs 51,000. Life membership: Rs 1 lakh.
Reserved membership: Rs 2.51 lakh. Founder membership: Rs
5 lakh.

"This is the best nirvana and it comes for a price," says head of
the Delhi centre of Osho International Meditation Resort.

Outside the huge complex in Delhi that houses the

International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON)
temple, a large billboard says, "Become a life member all
donations accepted here." The price tag for a life membership
starts at Rs 10,000.

Isnt this God-business" profitable? No work, no taxes just

enjoy bucks!!! These above mentioned names are few of those
who are eating away the money of poor but there are millions
other hidden in the remote parts of India those are ruining
many lives on the name God.

Now lets see the money collected by some of the Hindu

temples every year (figures must be higher as no Govt. has
ever tried to collect data about this [Ref: From Book named
Hindutav -- Samasyao ki Samasya by Dr. L R Bali]

83
 Trimala Temple 5Arab 32 crores
Ramakrishnan Mission 1Arab 52 crores
Shiridi Sai Baba 85 crores
Pliani Devsthan Sabha 50 crores
Vashno Devi 30 crores

Few days back all have read the news of special pathways at
the rate of Rs. 500 to Rs 1000 for prayers at Vashno Devi!!
Where all this money is going nobody knows. Its shame on
our part also that most of people those donate money on the
name of God comes from the poor families & that money
directly or indirectly is used against them only. Martin Luther
King has said Ultimate tragedy of mankind is not the brutality
of few but the silence of many.

However, the experience felt by the Advaita Vedantists seems

to be little different, meaning that the experience is
impersonal but still only a personal experience. To look at the
positive, the personal experience might influence ones
approach and behaviour to others in society but the society
itself is not changed. The phenomena of the increasing
number of godmen and women in our midst have only helped
to draw a section of devotees into more and more
superstitious ways. They act not in defence of faith and nor
for progress of humanity.
A good lot of people with faith in Vedanta philosophy accept it
as holistic fact that the experiences thru yoga and meditations
are true at personal level. People of different faiths might
experience something similar. When a Hindu claims this to his
devotion to Rama, Krishna, Shiva etc, and a Christian claims it
as of Jesus, Mary or God, a Muslim views it as the experience
Allah. All such experiences goes to show that their gods are
different and exclusive. Thus the claim for one god is
depended on recognition ones own god.

84
 As for Marxism and communism they need serious re-thinking
and re-appraisal. The thinking should accord with a scientific
facts and findings. There were a lot of untested theories and
assumptions that came from the founders themselves. Some
might say that they had tight (some say irrefutable) reasoning
to support ideas and conclusions. But religions also claim such
reasoning, the vedantic thought is very much so. However,
tight reasoning cannot be the only criteria for truth, reason
should be based on science, its facts and findings.
Hypothesises should be firmly discarded if not proven thru
scientific practice.
For instance public ownership of industries and collective
farming are said to have achieved impressive results in
production but it also brought irresponsibility and
unaccountability in their wake. The way politicians ,
bureaucrats and private parties bleeded the public industries
appropriated its resources and generally used it for building
their regime of patronage system is also well known .the
industrialists and the ruling elite skimmed off the entire cream
of public sector profits for their private consumption. They
have collected the returns, reaped the profits and generally
demoralised the morale. the public sector has survived inspite
of them and because of he dogged determination of the
working people in the country to preserve their jobs,
security ,dignity and future .as far as the public sector banks
from the infamous Nagrvala to equally flamboyant Harshad
Mehta , Ketan Parekh, etc -scams , non returned of the dues
borrowed by big industrialists euphemistically called as NPAs
are only increasing in their volume and audacity.
Soviet Union achieved a lot but failed to improve the daily life
of its citizen. I have read a lot of critical as well as appreciative
views. At first all criticisms were dismissed as bourgeois.
Answering criticism was not based on source materials
collected and collated but thru political arguments based on
ideological positions, much of them untested and therefore
85
 dogmatic. There after some short comings were recognised
and addressed but they were explained away with certain
realities World War II, cold war compulsions etc. To think an
enormous stock of good will from all the peoples of the world
towards socialism and communism was frittered away by the
post war communist leadership in the Soviet Union and
elsewhere. What ever might have been in pre war years, such
as democratic methods, freedom of thought etc. etc. should
have been brought to the forefront in post war years. Many
things could have been corrected suitable corrective action
taken and necessary changes in practice should have been
adopted. But some things came in the way. People who were
installed without a back ground to democracy and freedom are
incapable to recognise their values in Govt. Communists in
history worked for a revolution carried out by a militant
ideologues who claimed as the sole and only representative of
the working classes. Because of the brazen practices the
communists in Italy and France who in reality represented the
over whelming majority of the working class in their
respective countries failed to register progress and are finally
out of sight today.
I thought and was confident that the communists because of
their learning and training in Marxism will surely correct the
short comings. But slowly I am losing hope. The final blow to
my conviction and devotion to communism when report of the
speech made by Khrushchev to the XXth Congress of the
communist party of Soviet Union. The text was not released to
the public by authorities. I got the text of this speech put out
by the USIS. It changed all my thoughts and perception there
after. Capitalism and imperialism are very much in public with
their malevolent past and present. They had to be replaced to
bring in an equitable society Ways and means has to be found
other than that were adapted by the communists or like minded
groups of people.

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 The idea of building communism, a society in which the state
would have withered away, turned out to be a dangerous
illusion. What was built instead was Communism, an
oppressive party-state which was authoritarian at best and
ruthlessly totalitarian at worst. Although it had some common
features, it changed over time and differed hugely from one
part of the world to another. The Soviet Union was a far less
fearful place to inhabit in the Brezhnev era than it was in the
late 1930 s. Poland and Hungary throughout the Communist
period were manifestly undemocratic, but life there was
qualitatively less oppressive and thuggish than it was in China
during the years in which the Cultural Revolution was
wreaking havoc, so was ruthless suppressing of the
Tiananmen Square protesters in 1989 by the subsequent
regimes. When the leaders of the Communist Party in China
originally began their programme of reforms, they had no idea
that they were preparing the way for capitalist restoration. But
the introduction of some market measures (in the name of
efficiency) has, over a long period of time, led to the
restoration of capitalism, with a massive increase in inequality,
the destruction of the social welfare system, etc.

Communism in east-central Europe, more generally, was bad

enough, especially during the years when Stalin was still alive,
but it never came close to being as murderous as Pol Pots
Cambodia/Kampuchea.

The Cuban revolution is commonly regarded as

the first socialist revolution in the Western
Hemisphere. Social revolution which undoubtedly took
place in Cuba with the elimination of international and
indigenous capitalism and landlordism in itself, promised to
guarantee the socialist character and evolution of a regime.
Yet the subsequent regimes discrediting of the Stalinist
regimes of Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union, with
87
the bureaucratic elite that dominated these societies switching
over to capitalism with as little difficulty as a man passing
from a smoking to a non-smoking compartment on a train,
indicates the weakness of such an approach. They were also
described as socialist by their apologists. The Cuban
Revolution, which triumphed over the hated Batista regime
46 years ago in January 1959, thus endured many predictions
of its imminent demise. The achievements of the revolution,
particularly in the field of health, housing and education,
contrast favourably in the minds of the oppressed masses of
the neo-colonial world (particularly in Latin America) with
the dismal economic prospects open to them on the basis of
rotted landlordism and capitalism. The havoc wreaked by the
Asian tsunami could be compounded in the next period by an
economic tsunami much greater in its impact on the
economies, and therefore on the lives of the masses, of the
poorest areas of the world. Today there is a strong current
amongst Today Cuban economists, and the government is
openly advocating these measures in favour of abandoning
the planned economy altogether, introducing market
mechanisms at all levels and opening up the country to
foreign investment in all sectors. That is, they are in favour of
capitalism. Today workers government are absent
in Cuba. If is clear that the Cuban revolution had
progressive features, it is equally clear that it
has failed to lay the foundation of a workers
government that can steer a road to socialism.
This task still confronts the Cuban working class.
The notion that the problems of the Cuban economy can be
solved by promoting the private sector is a most serious error,
and one that can pose serious dangers for the future of the
Revolution. Thus Socialism has become a word
appropriated by so many different champions
and causes that it threatens to become

88
 meaningless, and anew effort is needed to sort it
out.

Today Socialism is like a hat which had lost its shape because
too many people had worn it. It is like chameleon creed
which changes its color according to its environment. Hence
in many countries, the obvious course for people who had
joined the Communist Party for idealistic reasons was to
leave it once they had found how wide was the gap between
their ideals and the practice of power within even their own
non-ruling party.
Although democracy has been debated off and on for some
years, its practice has been rare in human experience. There
can be many false starts. Former Communist states are not
alone in retreating, in many cases, from democratization
before they have advanced very far along the road to
democracy. That form of government comes, of course, in
different institutional forms, but in essence must include the
real, and not merely nominal, possibility for a people to hold
their rulers accountable and to turn them out of office in free
and fair elections. The good news, as is that democracies, once
firmly established, are remarkably resilient.
Consolidated democracies are hardly ever exchanged for a
form of authoritarian rule, and however imperfectly they
function, they have shown themselves more capable of
delivering justice as well as freedom
In "Animal Farm", Orwell an allegorical novel published in
1945 ( my first year science(1970) non detail book ) describes
how power turned the pigs from simple "comrades" to ruthless
dictators who managed to walk on two legs, and carry whips.
The story maybe seen as an analysis of the Soviet regime or as
a warning against political power games of an absolute nature
and totalitarianism in general. Power corrupts, but absolute
power corrupts absolutely-and this is vividly and eloquently
proved in Orwell's short novel. "Animal Farm". In states where
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 Indian communist parties came to power , with in few years,
I witnessed Orwellian predilections , as lifestyles of leaders
in these communist parties , their frontline organizations and
even trade union was nothing different from the other
bourgeoisies parties they criticized-communism in words and
capitalism in deeds . Ideology, formerly the driving force of
the party, had turned a blind eye towards the plight of the
disadvantaged sections during their (mis) rule in the states.
Today they have abandoned its ideology and have degraded
itself into merely a political entity like other parties Power
corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely-and this was
vividly and eloquently proved by the functions of communists
parties in India after they came to power in states.
After several researches and studies I understood , The term
globalization has come into vogue in the wake of long drawn
out crisis since early 1970s and particularly 1980.
Globalization means globalization of capitalism , that is the
spread of capitalist relations of production , capitalist values
and ethics to newer spheres and wider regions in the world . It
ahs reshaped the needs of the individual, family and the entire
society. It ahs converted every product of human labour into
the commodity form to create market. It has transformed
personal values and relationships. Personal power today has
become supreme value of both elites and their supposed
adversaries. Social solidarity is stigmatized, disdained or
related the marginal groups. The ideals of the ruling class has
found expression at all levels of society as drug dealers,
imitated speculators. To sum up love has become sex, sex has
become exercise, exercise has become fitness, fitness has
become food, all became commercialized, and the informing
principle is war of all against all is what globalization of
capital has ushered in. Privatize the profits socialize the losses
is the panacea offered by the protagonists of globalization.
Along with globalization has emerged a new international
division of labour and growth of a global market whether we
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 like it or not we are witnessing employment , wages and
conditions of work in every civilized nation shaped by forces
that are international in character and increasingly beyond the
control of the collective bargaining that goes on in any one
firm, one industry or one nation .This organizational
innovation or the method of sub contracting out more and
more of the operations even in the most modern of the
corporation is increasingly being used both to obtain labour at
a very low price as well as to break the organized workforce .
This new international division of labour is also used as a
weapon to divide and rule the workers and to reduce the
workers capacity to go in for militant strikes. With entire
world working class facing retrenchment, wage cuts , wage
freeze ,cuts in social welfare programme , voluntary
retirements or otherwise compulsory retirements
,informalisation and such other forms of exploitation ,
objective conditions for waging a untied struggle at a world
level have also increased as never before. How right Albert
Einstein was when he said
"I fear the day when the technology overlaps with our
humanity. The world will only have a generation of idiots

Through out the globe I find today voters alienations evident

as the differences between the traditional Left and Right
converge around imaginary agenda while the parties shrink in
the face of their incapacity respond to crisis. I find soccer and
cricket matches attracting more attention then political
campaign as they provide a distraction from political
deceptions, economic illusions and insecurities and hardships
which are bitter legacy of the policies of political elite. It ahs
become increasingly common to read and hear people say
electoral regimes are not the same as democracy. The gap
between electoral political elite (their media and academic
publicists) and populace is widening, extending to working

91
 people and students who bear the brunt of the crisis and see no
electoral parties addressing their interests.

Capitalism is evil, communism is discredited, and socialism

isn't working, are the mantras that many vested interests,
opportunists have taken on as a slogan and political platform
through out the globe. So what is the alternative? This
question must have at least crossed the minds of millions,
perhaps hundreds of millions, around the world as they
watched the credit crunch, financial meltdown and recession
unfold over the past few months. The problem, of course, is
that for those same millions most of their conditioning - from
politicians, media, education and a good deal of their
experience - will have been to answer that there is no
alternative. No alternative to capitalism as such at any rate; no
alternative that goes beyond a modified version of capitalism.
Even now I hold the view that social is the supreme ideology ,
except that the means to achieve the same has been incorrect in
many rgimes as explained above .
In fact, a definite and clearly articulated alternative - socialism
- has existed for at least 160 years (Karl Marx and Frederick
Engels wrote The Communist Manifesto in 1848). Socialism is
very straightforward and, compared to capitalism, extremely
simple. It means social (or collective) ownership and control
of the main means of production (land, factories, businesses,
banks, etc) and production for human need, not profit, and
with this the abolition of class divisions.

To put it in simple form if you have bigger concerns than how

much money you can put in your own bank account, the idea
of socialism makes perfect sense. If your only true concern is
to make as much as you can and somehow take it with you
when you die, well, socialism doesnt look so great, I would
imagine.

92
 Socialist planning will not be socialist and will not work
practically unless it is democratic and actively involves the
mass of ordinary people. Again the years of conditioning
ensure that a little conservative ideologue pops up in our head
and says, "That'll never happen. Ordinary people, working
class people, can't run things. They are not clever enough.
They haven't had enough education or management training,
etc. Besides, there will always be someone who gets to the top
and takes advantage.

But to see the capabilities of working people just look at any

workplace you know. If the manager is off sick or away on
holiday, does it grind to halt? Of course not, because the
workers, between them, already know how the place works.
We have often witnessed corrupt CEOs in many firms
suspended, prosecuted and then sacked for corruption and
replaced. But the company y ran perfectly normally. But if the
caretakers (who, apart from the cleaners, are the lowest paid
workers in the institution) stop working the whole place shuts
down, or rather doesn't even open in the morning.

As for some people getting to the top and abusing their

position, this will be a problem, not because it is human
nature, but because socialism has to be built by people brought
up under capitalism, not by saints and angels. The answer is to
develop mechanisms for controlling and removing such
individuals, Those mechanisms are: make all public officials
subject to election and recall and pay them a worker's wage.
But these mechanisms work best when they are based on
elections in workplaces and other institutions where collective
debate can take place.

Feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, ending inequality

and class divisions, democratic planning of the economy,
stopping climate change, establishing international peace and

93
 unity, and all the changes that socialism would bring have as
their precondition the revolutionary overthrow of capitalism by
the working class, first in one country and then internationally.
Workers' councils are key to this. They begin, within
capitalism, as organizers of the workers' struggle against the
bosses, growing out of mass strikes and factory occupations.
They develop into an alternative centre of power, rivaling the
old capitalist state, and then in the decisive step of progress
they replace the corrupt , hegemonic state and establish
workers' power - a power which rests on the objective position
of the working class in the modern world economy but which
also liberates and mobilizes the creative energies and talents of
tens of millions. Once that happens, a better world, a far better
world, will move from being a possibility to being a reality.

From before the time of Jesus, since we have written records,

we know that people don't like to be treated like dirt. They
tolerate it for longer or shorter periods of time, but eventually,
inequality gives rise to struggle. Needles to underscore here
that Spartacus led a slave revolt against Rome .the division of
the world by capitalism into rich and poor , the growing
inequalities and income disparities doesn't automatically solve
any of our problems. Karl Marx once defined socialism as the
self-emancipation of the working class. What he meant was
that genuine radical change can only come from mass struggle.
This is necessary because the ruling elite will never voluntarily
give up their power. And because only direct participation in
their own liberation will give millions of people the
opportunity to learn how to overcome divisions that capitalism
places among them. No politician or bureaucrat or great leader
can substitute for the working class fighting for itself. Of
course, having this long-term view in mind doesn't for a
moment mean that socialists sit around waiting for the

94
 revolution. In fact, most of what we can do is to work
alongside people who don't believe that socialism is possible
or even desirable, but who nonetheless want to fight for
concrete reforms in the here and now. At the same time, we
should try to convince people we work alongside that the only
way to win lasting social and economic justice and to end war
and racism for good is to get rid of capitalism and replace it
with a socialist system based on workers' democracy. We need
to put people before profits. The last thing to say about
socialist ideas is they aren't worth a nickel unless they are put
into practice. Given that we should not holding our breath for
neo- rich to make huge donations to our movement, the only
thing we have going for us is organization. It's a simple fact
that combining our efforts helps to amplify the voice for
radical change.
While we should believe that only mass actions can challenge
the power of the system, we also know that most movements
in history have started with a committed minority of
organizers. The point isn't to form an organization separate
from the movement, but rather to pool our resources,
experience and energy to involve as many other people as we
can, and to challenge the political influence of the mass media
and mainstream politicians. the immutable quote of Karl Marx
in 1845 the philosophers have only interpreted the world, the
point is to change it" ahs becoming more relevant than ever
before today . Working class has a long fight ahead of us.

But how could the hopes of ordinary people including the

poorest for a better tomorrow, better opportunity to live a life
of honour and dignity could ever be realised? All the well
meaning and fair-minded people shall strive to bring out a
changes in minds, thoughts and practices on an over whelming
majority of people. Plan of action arise out of the changes
brought. It will undergo changes as the process goes on, an
95
 absolutely open society. That might sound too optimistic but I
believe based upon the science of evolution that the society of
future will progress towards an ideal. I am also sure that as
humans progress towards ideal, the ideal itself undergoes
change for there will be no end to progress. Yes, change is the
law of nature. An end to change will signal the extinction of
humankind.
I have an elder friend, who analyses peoples movements as
well as with whom I am in constant contact. Inflicted with
major health problems he moves in with great difficulty. He
was telling me that he has lost all appetite in life and awaits to
its end. But he is still a good communist in his thoughts and
also much clear in his idea though much of them according to
me are dated. Optimism for the future of the world not for self.
My close friends today who remain a resonant unit till date
from the days we came together at a spontaneous impulse to
join movement in our best days , are much closer to my own
idea During the talks they exhibit an optimism about the
future. Though many current developments are disheartening
we do feel, optimistic that a generation will arrive imbued with
science and start altering the society and thru it the world.

Finally In my belief the importance of the moral element in

socialist production should be the paramount consideration for
socialists today. That is obviously true but it can only be
guaranteed in a regime of workers control, when every worker
feels that he or she is responsible for taking the decisions that
affect production and every aspect of life, which can ushered
in true socialist model of society. However, given the serious
problems that exist, some element of material incentives will
be necessary. The basic principle, at this stage, will remain:
from each according to his ability, to each according to the
work performed. This implies the existence of wage
differentials, as was also in the case in Russia immediately
96
 after the Revolution. But there should be a ceiling on
differentials, which should tend to reduce in the future, to the
degree that production increases and with it, the wealth and
wellbeing of society. But the biggest incentive is clearly when
the workers feel that the country, the economy and the state
belongs to them, and that can only be achieved if it is the
workers themselves who take all decisions and all elected
officials are accountable to them. Only on this basis can the
socialist base of Revolution be defended and the capitalist
counterrevolution defeated.

On my own part I keep optimism alive though I myself have no

personal desires to fulfil, no demands to meet, no aims to achieve.
When I said this to young growing activists they dismiss such talk
as pessimistic. To be pessimist in ones own life and optimistic for
the future of the world is not a sign of defeatism. They dont
contradict each other. They show a reality that is profound.
Today to be rational is revolutionary. It means resisting the
irrationalism of ideas and policies to detriment the interests of
working people. Solidarity movements, action and courage to
sustain such a rationality that is what should be our goal. The old
order is dying, threatening to bring us down. The new order is
struggling to be born.

The materialist doctrine that men are products of circumstances

and upbringing , and that , therefore , changed men are products
of other circumstances and changed upbringing , targets that it
is men that change circumstances and that the educator himself
needs educating . (Karl Marx-1845)

***End but not The End***

NOTES
97
1) also spelled "Lennoy" and sometimes called 'Captain De
Lannoy') ( 1715 1 June 1777, Udayagiri Fort) was
a Flemishnaval commander of the Dutch East India
Company, who was sent by the company to help establish a
trading post at Colachel, Southern India, but was defeated at
the Battle of Colachel by the Travancore army
under Maharaja Marthanda Varma in 1741, and subsequently
became a valiant and successful commander of the same
foreign army that had defeated him. His role as military
commander of the Travancore army was instrumental in the
later military successes and exploits
of Travancore under Marthanda Varma.
2) The Grantha script grantha euttu) was widely used between
the 6th century and the 19th century CE by Tamil speakers
in Southern India, particularly in Tamil Nadu and Kerala, to
write Sanskrit
3) Agnihotri is person who has done Yajnas and one who
performs Agnihotra daily with faith and full trust in the
Almighty can be called an Agnihotri. The one who means it
when he says "idam, na mama" ((O Lord, all this is) Yours,
NOT mine) is a true Agnihotri. Agnihotra (Homa) consists of
making two offerings to the fire exactly at the time of sunrise
& sunset along with two small Sanskrit mantras. Agnihotra is
regarded a process of purification of the atmosphere as a
cumulative effect of various scientific and sonic principles
harnessed to give rise to an unparalled purifying and healing
phenomenon. The benefits, both spiritual and mundane, that
accrue to sacrificers is said to be enormous
4) Normally saris are six yards in length but since the madisar is
worn in a different style, one requires a nine-yard sari to wear
it. Brahmin wear madisars for all important occasions in their
lives, starting with marriage, followed by Seemantham (form
of a baby shower), all important Puja, and death
ceremonies.Iyers and Iyengars wear Madisars differently.
98
 Iyers drape the Pallu (the layer of sari which comes over
one's shoulder) over the right shoulder while Iyengars wear it
over the left shoulder
5) It meant for young girls. It is half saree. The underskirt for
the saree is called pavadai and in Hindi its called lehenga

A LIFE THAT MATTERS

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All
the things we collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will
pass to someone else.
Our wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to
irrelevance. It will not matter what we owned or what we were
owed.

99
Our grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will
finally disappear. So, too, our hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-
do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade
away.

It won't matter where we came from, or on what side of the

tracks we lived, at the end.

It won't matter whether we were beautiful or brilliant.

Even our gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of our days be

measured? What will matter is not what we bought, but what
we built; not what we got, but what we gave.

What will matter is not our success, but our significance. What
will matter is not what we learned, but what we taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage

or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to
emulate our example.

What will matter is not our competence, but our character.

What will matter is not how many people we knew, but how
many will feel a lasting loss when we are gone.

What will matter is not our memories, but the memories that
will live in those who loved us.

What will matter is how long we will be remembered, by whom

and for what.

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Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a
matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

"We are, or become, those things which we repeatedly do.

Therefore, Excellence can become not just an event, but a

habit

-Albert Einstein.

101
I submissively state I wish to stand corrected on some views of
mine expressed in this story with a better thinking and reasoning
from other knowledgeable persons about the subject

102