DeBenedetto 1

Claire DeBenedetto

Professor Pinto

ENGW 1101

9 October 2016

Endorsement of Donald J. Trump

This upcoming election is one of the most influential decisions in modern

history. There are two major Party candidates, in addition to a Green Party and a Commented [CD1]: True. Good way to start

Libertarian candidate. Donald Trump is part of the Republican Party and up against

the long time Politician and the former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. Although

he is viewed as anti-establishment because he is not a career politician, but a

successful businessman, he still has the backing of the RNC and many of its

members. He brings energy and life to the voters and speaks the truth about what is

going on in the country. He might say his fair share of off-color comments from time

to time, but he knows how to connect to the American people. Donald Trump would

make the best leader because he will reform the current education system, bring

new ideas to the fight to end illegal immigration, modify the flow of refugees, and

work to put a stop to terrorism in our country. Commented [CD2]: Insert Quote
Commented [CD3]: Consider revising thesis to make
Trumps view on education will help repair the country for the better. He the word structure flow better
Commented [CD4]: Easy to understand, I know what
intends to put an end to the failed system of common core in the United States. He topic is about, follows the flow

believes that the local communities should have the right to decide what their

students are studying and not make one set of standards for every state in the

country. James Bascom of tfpstudentsaction.org states, Common Core was never

evaluated or peer reviewed by teachers or education specialists, nor did parents

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have any say in their development or implementation. It is not the uniformity of the Commented [CD5]: Hook is weak. Needs more
evaluation / back it up. Recommendation: replace quote

system that makes countries like Finland successful, but numerous outside factors

such as cultural differentiations from our current society that do. Trump essentially

believes that if he allows the states to decide what is best for their students instead

of government officials, we will have a better educational system and better scores

overall. Commented [CD6]: Strong paragraph overall; needs to

be focused a little more; good length; Use simpler words

Illegal immigration is one of the many points that Trump feels very strongly

about and an issue that his campaign has challenged many times. He has often Commented [CD7]: Insert argument; needs more focus;
follows flow

talked about The Wall in regards to the Mexican border. Although it is a good idea

in theory, his reference should be taken metaphorically. Trump wants to slow and

eventually stop the flow of illegal immigrants into the United States. There are too

many people that do not pay their fair share of taxes that stay here illegally. On his

website, donaldjtrump.com, he states that one of his goals is to, Establish new

immigration controls to boost wages and to ensure that open jobs are offered to

American workers first. This would decrease our unemployment rate thus making Commented [CD8]: Good quotation, backs up topic
sentence

the economy stronger and then creating a new incentive to become a legal citizen.
The Syrian refugee crisis has proven to be dangerous to the United States.
Instead of working to improve our country, we are looking to invite unknown and
Commented [CD9]: Back up quotes position more
Commented [CD10]: Good length; follows flow; revise
topic
Commented [CD11]: Ties into the 2nd argument named;
for the most part it follows the flow; needs more purpose

uncharacteristically large numbers of refugees in, without proper vetting. Trumps

solution to this problem is very clear. Jeremy Diamond of CNN news reports,

Trump also argued that the creation of safe zones in Syria to host refugees would

be a better solution to address the refugee crisis spawned by the Syrian civil war. Commented [CD12]: Make sure that you are agreeing
or disagreeing positively needs more backing up.

His idea to secure the United States safety while still being a diplomatic and caring
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country is a better and easier solution to lessen this crisis. Hillary Clinton is willing

to put our national security at risk, once again, by letting millions of refugees in. Safe

zones in Syria are less risky than bringing in a whole population of improperly

vetted strangers to our own country.

Terrorism has escalated very quickly in the United States. Over the past Commented [CD13]: Needs to be more about Trump;
follows flow

couple of years, we have seen numerous acts of violence and terrorism within our

borders. ISIS has taken responsibility for many of these acts. Donald Trump is not

afraid to call out the people who do inexplicable terror in our country and around

the world, also known as the radical Islamic terrorists. Many of his critics say that he

is anti-Muslim for this, however they are not seeing the radical in front of Islamic

terrorists. Not every Muslim is a terrorist and not every terrorist is of the Muslim

religion. However, it has been proven that this particular group of radicals

purposely carries out acts of violence as part of their beliefs. 9/11, the Boston

bombings, and several other attacks have been the responsibility of this specific

group. In his announcement documented by The Blaze for joining the race, he said

that, Nobody will be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is a controversial figure that is portrayed unfairly by the
media. John Stossel in No, They Cant states, No one can be trusted to silence
others. Not even the media can be trusted in todays society. Political correctness is
something that Donald Trump is certainly not good at, however the country needs
Commented [CD14]: Do not put hook at the end of a
sentence. This is also a weak and vague hook consider
replacing
Commented [CD15]: Dont end with quote; good
length; focused; look for better/ clearer argument
Commented [CD16]: Good point, but why is this here?
Has nothing that adds to the argument
Commented [CD17]: Back up more. Put in the middle of
the paragraph (too soon)

someone who will speak the brutal truth about the state of the nation, without the

lies and deception. His stance on Common Core will benefit the up and coming

generation, illegal immigration will slow while decreasing the rising unemployment
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rate, and terrorism will combatted with the strength our country needs to have.

There are so many threats plaguing our nation. Donald Trump is the best candidate

for president to tackle these issues. Commented [CD18]: Focus this paragraph more; make
sure the topic of the conclusion advances argument
 DeBenedetto 5

Works Cited

Bascom, James. 9 Reasons Why Common Core Is Bad for Education. TFP Student

Action, 20 Jan. 2016, https://www.tfpstudentaction.org/blog/9-reasons-why-

common-core-is-bad-for-education.

Diamond, Jeremy. Donald Trump: Refugee Crisis Solution Lies in Safe Zones. CNN,

Cable News Network, 8 Feb. 2016,

http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/08/politics/donald-trump-syria-refugee-crisis/.

Lucas, Fred. Donald Trump Announces 2016 Run in Hugely Entertaining Fashion: I

Will Be the Greatest Jobs President That God Ever Created. The Blaze, 16 June

2015, http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/06/16/donald-trump-i-am-

officially-running-for-president-of-the-united-states/.

Stossel, John. No, They Can't: Why Government Fails--but Individuals Succeed. New

York, Threshold Editions, 2012.

Trump, Donald. Immigration. Make America Great Again, Donald J Trump, Accessed

9 October 2016, https://www.donaldjtrump.com/policies/immigration.

Commented [CD19]: Works Cited might change due to

the subtraction of quotations