Transactional Analysis Journal

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High Level Confrontation: Desensitization

Valerie Lankford
Transactional Analysis Journal 1981 11: 316
DOI: 10.1177/036215378101100410

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 High Level Confrontation:
Desensitization
ValerieLankford
Abstract
Discusses responses typical of individuals
when faced with another's anger. Des-
cribes a group exercise, modified from
"The Game" approaches of Cathexis Insti-
tute and Synanon. Suggests the exercise
as a group device to facilitate desensitiza-
tion to anger, and subsequent modification
of responses to others anger so that
increased effectiveness in responding can
be developed. Presents recommendations
for the initiation, conduct, and closure of
the exercise, with specific precautions to
be observed in its employment.
Many people have trouble listening to
others who are angry at them. They
experience being "attacked" verbally. For
some this verbal confrontation is nearly as
threatening as a physical confrontation
would be. Their heads are filled with words
to defend themselves with little room left to
hear what the other person is actually
saying. They experience strong feelings in
reaction to the confrontation with
adrenalin moving in their bodies, as well as
other distracting physical sensations. The
following "Densensitizing Exercise" was
designed to help people respond to con-
frontation (internally and externally) with
increased comfort and effectiveness. The
excercise is modified from the "Cathexis
Game" and the "Synanon Game" which
have been used with more troubled popu-
lations.
The best results have been achieved when
the exercise is experienced three times
during a weekend marathon situation.
People take time between each encounter
to prepare to do each subsequent exercise
316
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differently. There is not so much time
between one session and the next that
people "get cold feet" and decide to with-
draw. This problem has been evident when
the exercise has been attempted in weekly
groups or individual sessions. Though
some have experienced positive change in
even those once-a-week encounters, the
optimal benefits have been felt by those
who repeat the exercise three times in a
relatively short time span. Reasons for this
may be 1) the same people are present to
give supportive encouragement; 2) people
contract to do three exercises, and time is
available to meet the goal; 3) other people
find the exercise inviting and do it during
the same weekend, so participants can
benefit from watching and hearing each
other and; 4) I state emphatically that
participants improve their skills signifi-
cantly by the third experience, so this may
serve as a positive fulfilling prophecy.
The desensitization experience is
typically timed for three minutes
announced by an official appointed timer
who calls "Start" and "Stop." Roles are
defined as "Confronter" and
"Confrontee." The goal of the confronter
is to attempt to elicit discomfort and
ineffective responses from the confrontee.
The goal of the confrontee is described,
"Attempt to keep yourself as comfortable
as possible. You may respond in any way
you choose. All options are available."
One groundrule for both parties is that
neither physically touch one another.
When "Start" is called out, the confronter
begins loudly barraging the confrontee
with verbal abuse combined with fact and
fiction. The confronter takes a clear
Persecutor role-intruding, interrupting,
Transactional Analysis Journal

making false interpretations, being
dramatic, attempting not to listen to the
confrontee except for material to use
against her. If the confronter runs out of
material, she may find the following ques-
tion useful-"Where are you vulnerable
anyway!?" Surprisingly many confrontees
answer. Then the confronter regains the
verbalattack. "Stop" is called. Both take a
pause that refreshes, and an evaluation
periodensues.
First the confrontee is asked how she
thinks she did. "When did you feel most
uncomfortable/comfortable?" "What did
you do to be effective?" Others are then
invited to give feedback. How did they see
the confrontee do? What options do they
have to offer before round #2 is begun?
Later a second exercise is either initiated by
the confronter as a surprise to the
confrontee or the confrontee initiates a
request for round #2.
After the second or third exercise, I often
invite anyone to be the confronter, and I
take the confrontee role. I model a variety
of options-some of which many people
have not considered. One of these is using
the group members' support while I am
being confronted. This might be by
Vol. 11, No.4, October 1981
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HIGH LEVEL CONFRONTATION
eliciting verbal or physical strokes.
Another effective option I model is to
confront the confronter. I announce that I
won't take a Victim role, and I'm going to
do some of the defining about what we'll
talk about in this confrontation. In addi-
tion, I model responding particularly
thoughtfully at moments to any elements
of truth the confronter may use to confront
me. I then respond neither offensively nor
defensively. I speak thoughtfully and then
confront the confronter if she does not
respond caringly in return.
Both the people who participate in this
desensitization exercise and those who
watch learn effective ways to deal with
confrontation. They enhance their abilities
to listen to the content of confrontations
inside and outside of the therapeutic
setting.
Valerie Lankford, MA, Certified
Clinical and Teaching Member is in private
practice in Baltimore, Maryland.
REFERENCES
Cathexis game. Cathexis Institute, Oakland,
California. Personal communication, 1974.
Synanon game. Synanon Foundation, Marshall,
California. Personal communication, 1969.
317