A “FOOTBALL” STORY FOLLOWED BY NO STATEMENTS…JUST QUESTIONS.

There are two first-year football coaches.

Both are having horrible seasons with sixth-week records of 0-6.

The fans and the sportswriters are tearing them to shreds.

Both feel that the criticism is unfair. They are both dealing with problems that resulted from the
previous coach and feel that, in fairness, they should be given a sufficient chance to turn things around.

Their situations are identical but the way they choose to handle them are quite different.

Coach #1 is furious. He has decided to fight back. He starts to deny interviews to the sportswriters and
has them removed from the locker room. He demands that his team responds similarly. He criticizes
them, and their work, publicly every time he finds himself in front of a camera. He insults them…calls
them names…and accuses them of treating him badly. He talks about how great his team is doing and
cites all the wonderful things they are accomplishing, despite their 0-6 record. He gets on Twitter every
night and bad-mouths everyone who disapproves of his coaching skills.

Coach #2 has a moment of introspect. He realizes that some of what everyone is saying just might be
true; that maybe the acknowledging of their comments can be of great value to him in his quest to gain
their respect and be popular among them. He realizes that, with an 0-6 record, he needs to humble
himself and let everyone know that he recognizes that there is a problem and to ask them for their
patience and support while he works diligently to turn things around. He welcomes the writers into the
locker room and speaks candidly about the team’s issues and thanks them for their questions and for
their continuing interest in their team. In short…he realizes that, holding such a title of “Head Coach” of
a team that so many people love and want to see succeed, that what they think of him is far more
important than what he thinks of them. He occasionally takes a brief moment to “tweet” a “thank you”
to his supporters and reaffirm his resolve to reinvent himself and his team to something they can all love
and be proud of. Aside from that, he does not respond to their criticisms directly. He does not ignore
them…but seems to as he keeps himself focused on the tasks of becoming the best coach he can be and
producing the best team he can.
So now the questions:

● Which coach do you think will gain the respect of the fans and the media?

● Which coach is more likely to see an end to their criticisms and insults?

● Which coach is more likely to still have a job the following season?

● Which coach has a greater chance of becoming a respected figure in sports history?

● Which coach is the one you would want to coach your team?

And…. perhaps most importantly…

● Which coach do you suppose is more likely to improve his team’s record and end up with a
respectable season?

From a personal perspective, it is understandable that they may want to be loved, respected and
complimented… but their JOB is to produce a winning team. The good news? Accomplishing the latter
will yield the former. Two birds… one stone.

Politics? C’mon! This is about sports!

The evolution of intelligence.

During our childhoods, we are at the mercy of our world in regard to whom and what we are…what we
think. This does not mean we have no individuality but I think that at this age, our individuality emerges
in the form of feelings; Feelings we have about the World that our world is showing and teaching us.

Sometimes the things that we hear and witness don’t seem right...puzzle us…seem counterintuitive but
they come from the people we know love and trust most so, in time, we let go of our confusing feelings
and trust the examples set by the brightest stars in our sky.

When we let go of these feelings…they do not die. They hibernate…they lie dormant for years and
reemerge when we reach the age of taking control of our own lives. These invisible feelings define us
better than all the inherited, learned & rehearsed words and actions that are visible others looking on.

All they can see at a glance are the built-up coats of paint that have been brushed, rolled, sprayed and
spattered over us in our lives and beneath this paint lies the natural woodwork of who are really are.

Many go their entire lives living behind the colors that the world has painted them and do their part to
paint future generations with these same colors…. and the cycle continues as a massive array of
unquestioned beliefs and opinions are passed like a baton from one generation to the next. Much of
the “who we are” that we are born with disappears forever. Individuality is lost.

But for some, these core feelings return and beckon us to feel them again. They prompt our adult minds
to revisit, reexamine, reprocess and reassess all that we have learned in our lives. We feel the need to
strip away the paint and let the natural wood show.

This preface (regrettably filled with mixed metaphors) explains my personal experience with many
things not the least of which is racism.

I know that most of you have no interest in my personal journey with racism and you should stop
reading right now. I am writing this for me…and sharing it with anyone who may have nothing better to
do at this moment than read it. But if you ever have the feelings I referred to…those feelings that knock
at your door and won’t go away, there may be something here that will resonate with you.
 Everything that follows is my opinion and perception based on nothing more than my personal
experience and observations of the world around me….and immense amounts of thought and
introspect. So….it very well may be a bunch of crap in the eyes of those who have researched the topic
professionally. But the time and focus I have devoted to this aspect of my life have helped me to feel a
far greater understanding of racism and the role that plays in the world…and in my life.

DEFINITION:

I think that the first wrong turn that many of us make is failing to take a moment to know what racism is.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as follows:

________________________________________________________

Racism
rā-ˌsi-zəm

1. : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial
differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2. 2a : a doctrine or political program based on the assumption o f racism and designed to
execute its principlesb : a political or social system founded on racism
3. 3: racial prejudice or discrimination
________________________________________________________

Trying to fully explain a concept so vast and complex in a few lines in a dictionary is like trying to explain
911 in a Twitter Tweet. It can give you the thinnest layer of understanding of the term but falls far short
of providing sufficient insight to discuss or debate the topic.

Definitions #1 & #3 come the closest to the concept I am referring to in this text. #2 is VERY important…
but I believe it to be an outcome of the root issues expressed in the other two.

But I think we need to go way beyond what the dictionary offers and dissect racism and draw attention
to other meanings and, more importantly, the variety of forms in which it exists.

Let’s start with this. Racism is generally thought to be an act of cruelty…an intentional attack made with
malice. This is completely untrue. Racism is quite often committed with no animosity whatsoever….no
hatred…no ill will…no intention to affront, insult or demean. In fact, it can even be committed in the
interest of love and caring…and by people with no knowledge that their words are racist.

Intentional, hateful racist comments are the most obvious…and hurtful when they are spoken. They can
insight anger, argument and violence. But because it is so hateful and easy to recognize, it raises
awareness among people who care. It is awful but it is met with resistance and frowned upon.
Then, at the other end of the spectrum, is what Is what is the “less harmful” racist comment. Or is it? It
is less hateful…less evil…but is it less harmful?

At the moment it is spoken….yes, it IS less harmful. But as it relates to the perpetuation of racism, it
could well be argued that that it is perhaps the most harmful. “Kind” racists are like carriers of the
“hateful” racists gene. Here’s an example from my own life.

My mother was a Kennedy-worshipping Democrat. ALL of my cousins KNOW this about her. By today’s
standards she was old fashioned and conservative but in the context of the sixties she was a Liberal who
was accepting of everyone. She was kind to people….to all animals…and lived her life doing “the right
thing” always.

We were NOT allowed to use the word “N_ _ _ _ R ” NEVER!!! I could break her favorite alabaster lamp
(which I did) and she would gasp….ask me to not play football in the living room…and then tell me “we
don’t punish for accidents.” I could draw a mural on my bedroom wall with permanent marker (which I
did) and she might scold me…maybe even send me to my room for a couple hours but she was never
mad for more than a few minutes. But if I ever said “N_ _ _ _ R” (which I did)… SHE WENT BALLISTIC! It
was time to sit down and have a most dreadful “talk” about the plight of “colored people”… and all they
had been through….and how they were slaves that were kidnapped……and often taken from their
parents in Africa. “DON’T YOU EVER USE THAT WORD.” And then the “kind, innocent, unwitting
comment came…. “How would YOU like it if YOU were colored!!??” “It is not their fault they were born
colored!!”

Yes…easy to see now that this was a little on the “politically incorrect” side of the road but at the time
she grew up….in a world that truly believed the ridiculous notion that blacks were less than human…this
is what racial understanding and kindness looked like.

Bert Bohler was my first grade-school buddy. Bert was a charming black kid with a big bright smile. My
mom would drop me off at his house and he often came to mine. I never had any notion that his
different skin color was any more significant than his height or weight or hair color. It was a terrific time
for me. There was nothing important about people other than who they were and how nice and how
much fun they were. We often think of innocence as a lack of awareness…but I think it can also be
thought of as a valuable awareness that is too often taken away from us as our world educates us.

So yes…my mother did all that she could to keep me from being a racist…but inadvertently perpetuated
the message that they were of a different caliber than white folks… because that is what her younger
world taught her.

Today…the examples are different but the concept endures. I assert that almost 100% of the time…racist
people came from racist families. It is a learned behavior and when it is taught in the subtext of
innocent, loving conversation it becomes a part of us that many of us never question or rethink.

I am not talking about bad intentions…I am talking about people doing what they think is best for their
children and, in so doing, deprive their children of independent thinking and, at the same time, may
provide a great disservice to a peaceful, happy world.

Now back to defining racism. I am speaking only for myself here and this may be the point at which I
“see the other side” and end up not pleasing people on either side of the issue (as I so often do) but I do
not subscribe to any ideology as a “package deal.” I try to keep my own independent thought on each
issue rather than fully embracing the full array of ideals embraced by either side.

Technically speaking….even if you say something positive about a race…it is racism. I understand this. I
am very aware and outspoken about the dangers of generalizations so in theory and in most cases I
agree with this assertion.

But I have a line that I draw for myself in regard to political correctness and I think it is often out of
control hair-splitting.

I truly understand that saying Italians (of which I am one) are good bowlers might be perceived as a little
racist. It doesn’t really offend me….but it has a whiff of the stereotype of “greasy dagos hanging around
the bowling alley” and I have my doubts in regard to how many people who would make such a
statement have actually watch and paid attention to the nationalities of enough bowlers to intelligently
make such an assertion. It feels more like they are repeating something they heard and perpetuating a
stereotype in the form of a compliment.

But there are times when we actually paying a sincere comment based on actual experiences and that
reference and embrace an element of a culture. When someone says… “Italian women are tremendous
cooks”….I refuse to be offended. I think it is not only generally true but I don’t see any negative
stereotype that it perpetuates. Cooking (and eating) is a HUGE and beautiful part of Italian culture and I
hope we never be so politically correct as to bury our diverse cultures in our effort to vanquish racism.
(Baby/Bath Water) I do think we need to lighten up a little on this need to walk on eggshells when we
pay a compliment. Yes….we may slip up occasionally and eke a toe ever a boundary of sensitivity, but I
think that the presence of good intentions and understanding can get us comfortably over these small
hurdles.

Back to my “journey” with racism.

As I reached sixth grade and left John Kennedy Elementary School to begin classes at Batavia Junior High
School….it was hard not to notice. There were a lot more black kids. We only had a small handful at
John Kennedy and we finished our time there in fifth grade so we were the oldest. Now we were the
youngest and there were kids 15 and older. At JK…skin color was the only difference….but at these mid
teenage years, the cultural differences showed. The blacks and whites often dressed differently…there
was a fad where black kids wore sharp multi-tined afro picks in their hair that were easy to picture were
meant to be handy weapons but I never saw one used as one. The racial divide was apparent….and
sobering. It was like so many scenes from Remember the Titans.

There was a lot of “whites against the blacks” things going on. Fights….bullying….intimidation and I saw
it initiated by both sides. It was a lot like the political divide going on today…..I didn’t WANT there to be
SIDES but because I had no control over whether or not there are….I guess I had to be on one. In today’s
political battle we can choose which side we are on…but in a racial divide, you are pretty much assigned
your side.

It was a rough adjustment…but the lessons that my mother had taught me stuck with me and I found
that, for the most part… If I treated everyone with respect most of them would reciprocate no matter
what color they will.
But this was a period where someone