The Unicorn Factory

By Anca Sovarosi
Content

Part 1

6—Pitfalls of modern self

10—Living in the now vs. Having in the now
13—Projections
19—Reality vs. Imagination
20—Media

Part 2

24—Dreams
26—Purpose
27—Moment that Mattered
27—Resistance to change
28—Listening to instincts
29—Risks
30—Mistakes
30—Fear & Courage
31—Value
33—Reputation
33—Perseverance

Part 3

36—The ‘One’
38—Love
41—Relationships
44—The Unicorn Factory debunked
46—The Saviour Excuse
48—Faith in Humanity

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Just Because

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Actually, that’s more like it.

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 Part 1

“To make a dream come true, wake up.”

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Pitfalls of modern self

Here we are.

Legacy of university grads, we’re the know-it-all, do-it-all, dream-it-all generation. You’d think
we’d have it all. And yet, we’re swimming in learned helplessness, we have the highest suicide,
depression, pessimism rates in history.

I’ve been fascinated by this paradox for years, and I’m anything but shy when it comes to star-
ing the beast in the eyes. Our shiny modern self comes with pitfalls:

• The competition handicap (believe it’s all a fight, when competition is but a smear of the
becoming process of this world. Dino-eat-Dino world forgets that animals adapt, form so-
cieties, nurture for their offspring, and most importantly, that the world is a symbiosis of
organisms living at once, and not one ruling all). Organisms coexist, they take and give
from this world, and if we were to take a broader look at our world, our flora is far more
diverse than our fauna, the very hub of life. Are plants competing more than just coexist-
ing? Or is it a combination of both? Using evolution/competition exclusively to design
and understand life is as limited as using a bi-dimensional model to explain space. Way
too many of us default exclusively to a two-axis world; we need to expand ourselves be-
yond it.

• Self-regulation – ‘Man is not an island’, we’re social creatures, and therein our weakness
& strength. Just because we can read it all does not mean we know it all. Our minds have
the capacity to reframe any moment and twist its meaning to the one that best suits our
interest, sometimes with no regards to fairness, other’s people wellness or even our own
health. We became so confident on our ability to analyze, that we come to think we know
the reasons why people do what they do, are who they are, or why things in society are the
way they are. What we accomplish by that, besides thinking we understand? We stop curi-
osity, which at human level is basic caring (‘I don’t care what your photos show, how are
you doing today?’); we fuel assumptions, which become facts in our minds (I remember
someone thinking my blog name, KungFuTango, was a statement about me, about fight-
ing, and treated me accordingly; it’s actually one of the most amazing memories, of my
first tango lesson); we rationalize our way into bending ethics, which may grant us what
we want outside society lines, but at what cost to our souls, hearts, whatever you want to
call it, our spiritual core? More so, I noticed two predominant techniques of self-
regulation: stagnation and constant adaptation. Some people feel better staying within a
comfortable area, and stick to their ‘core’ values, beliefs, favourite actions. Others are
more comfortable knowing they can constantly ‘become’ something else, and stick to con-
stantly changing, mostly through imitating or experimenting. I don’t think there’s a right
way or a wrong way, but I have seen that extremes become unhealthy. Key is balancing
both, knowing which parts you like to keep in your core, which to keep changing. Know-
ing to trust yourself, to process behaviour seen in others before blindly imitating, to trust

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 yourself enough to experiment new ways of being and knowing your core will not be
harmed if you don’t like the results. We’re just starting to grasp the reality of who we are
and what we can be come.

• Projections – Our ability to manifest emotions, intentions over all matter. We can in-
fluence water structure by the energy of our mood. We can raise a child to discover the
cure for cancer, build spaceships, grow a healthy crop, sing a crowd to tears, become a
wonderful father or strap dynamite across its chest. We, not others, not a singled out
family unit. We. The neighbours, the friends online, the media, the teacher, the people
talking on the bus. We can project our fears, or our hopes, our worst or our best. And
as individuals, we are projecting just as much of what we receive, sometimes just
transmitting what we absorb. That’s what makes finding your own voice hard, because
it may be whispering something inside yourself that does not match the projections
received, and it will not match the expectations you’re facing from others. Most end
up blaming (better said) justifying their results through life by referring to other peo-
ple’s projections, forgetting to mention they’re the ones responsible for filtering
through. We’ve started teaching our children to seek their own voices a few genera-
tions ago, yet we’re not passionate enough, we’re not convinced enough, and we have-
n’t solved the other pieces of the puzzle: it’s not just the children that need to find their
voice beneath projections. It’s all generations, all of us.

• Identity – Is it possible that tendency to be true to ourselves may be taken to ex-

tremes? Of doing the same things over and over again, fuelling the same thoughts? Be
yourself does not mean don’t change. And yet that is exactly the expectation we have
from the people we like: never to change, or to change when we do, like we do. I like
you and I want to keep liking you, so the only way you can accomplish that is by do-
ing the things I like. If you stop that, I will become disappointed in you. And if
enough people do that, I might end up disappointed in people overall. The most com-
mon example I cold see is in the girlfriends group that separates once some get mar-
ried and have children and gravitate towards women with same situation, while single
girls tend to gravitate towards other single girls. Why is there uncomfortably to be
around a life long friend that goes through a different life stage than you? It’s not nec-
essarily that one changed and the other didn’t, it’s because we expect comfort of iden-
tity, reassurance that our choices are the right ones, there are people like us out there,
and we want to re-confirm our identity by people who we hang out with. The way we
interact and expect other people to be is an impeccable mirror of how we see identity.
It’s an expectation that projected on those around us is only limiting freedom of being
and expression. Of course, understanding this does not mean becoming empty vessels
without identity or constantly shifting, but the opposite. We need to learn to under-
stand ourselves better, much, much better, to the point that we don’t feel threatened
when our bodies, minds or hearts are in the presence of different people.

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• Beta-dictionaries. We’re updating live our slang, our technology, but we are still to
fully update and integrate our core life definitions. We all play a part in our collective
wisdom, whether we bail or adapt is our choice. And questions like: what is success,
how we define an accomplished life, win/lose illusions, how we love, how we build
our relationships, how we take part in our world, treat our fellow humans… they all
evolve as we are. We need to do that not by segregating from the rest of the world, but
by paying attention to our generational journey, and incorporate the wisdom carried by
those before us in the new ways we will define our lives.

• Forgetting the heart – Our very core, our emotions, our soul. And yet how much do
we invest in teaching ourselves to respect and take care of it, compared to the time we
invest in acquiring knowledge, building careers, fashion, technology? It’s not really
the time invested that worries me so much, but how it ranks in our everyday life as a
priority. Between money, succumbing to peer pressure, compromising for career/
success and being true to a set of common values, what do people choose first? And
most importantly, why? Knowing that a person will get over having their heart tram-
pled, does that justify walking over it in the first place? Canada recently modified sex
education to bring basic knowledge starting with fourth grade, and that is great. My
question is, do we bring basic ethics and values within the same curriculum? I don’t
care it seems higher on Maslow’s pyramid, what if he was wrong? What if it’s not a
pyramid anymore, where you only get to the next level if you have enough of the pre-
vious one, what if it’s a needs circle that isn’t complete if we do not allocate the same
attention to all areas? Fourth grade sex ed. is great, as long as we don’t forget to teach
them about compassion, overall wellness, ethics, kindness, making choices, confi-
dence, empowerment, sharing, etc.

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 • Selfish logic. I just don’t get it, anyway you apply it, you still lose.

Entitlement is not that high and mighty, because made our minds play reframing games to
get the things we want, or devalue the things we could not get as ‘un-wantable’. Selfish logic
expands even beyond things, into concepts. Fairness, once meaning what is equal to me should
be equal to you becomes in selfish logic more important that human ethics: if I had to break my
values to achieve something, it’s only fair that you have to break yours too. It has little to do
with the principle of fairness, and everything to do with the customized, personally reframed
understanding of fairness: bringing the external world at the same level as you, regardless of
whether uplifting or lowering it. Being fair to whom? According to whom? Whenever we fail to
see the bigger picture beyond ourselves, and devalue people, principles to fit our own model, we
lose because we only confine the outside world to give back to us only on our limited terms.

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Living in the now vs. Having it all now

The best ferry ride is always the one you are on right now.

Today’s ferry ride might not be the most luxurious one, might not have the most gor-
geous views, or best prices, and if you keep comparing it to past, or standards you’ve read in
brochures, heard your friends talk about and seen in movies, you might end up thinking it’s a
horrible ride. Yet if you drop your mind and forget all the standards you think they’re supposed
to be there, you might find the ride has old fashioned details, a cute cafeteria, interesting people
to talk to, and even that discount coupon for the show you wanted to see tonight. The best ferry
ride is always the one you open up all senses to.

The gift of our present is not the things we get or the experiences we go through, but on
how we open up and allow these experiences to affect and give back to us. In every moment a
door opens to all possibilities.

Really? Really? I remember reading phrases like this endless times and never quite get-
ting it. What door, to what possibilities? I’m opening my door right now, but I still get a limited
set of options, so it can’t really be all! That’s bull, fluffy things a motivational speaker would
say to get your money. Heart beats a little bit faster, you hope for a while, and then end up back
in the same reality. I know better, these silly things don’t work! If I open my door it’ll be a
salesman, a neighbour, that convict that’s been loose in my neighbourhood for weeks now, or
the friend I just called in. That’s pretty much it.

I used to think like that, even if not admit it. You might think like that. Almost want to believe,
but in the end not really. Well, almost ain’t doing it. If I believe only a limited number of people
can knock on my door, then even when the neighbour knocks I will see only him, and limit my-
self from seeing the woman biking on the other side of the sidewalk, carrying fresh cookies

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 cookies to her friend’s book launch, where my future partner might be. I could see it if I
weren’t so wrapped into predicting, dictating and knowing the possibilities of the future so well.

The simplest moment thought me about living in the now: falling off rollerblades. After
falling a few times, I have learned exactly how to prepare my body to make the fall comfortable.
If I’d be willing to injure myself a little harder, I would have learned how to prevent a fall way
sooner. Instead, I became proud of my ‘safe-skating’ abilities, and enjoyed comfortable, yet in-
creasingly boring rides. Every time I would blade it wasn’t in the present, it was remembering
and recreating the past, body and mind.

It usually takes less than a second to fall. In rollerblading, you don’t even have to lean
back. All it takes to lose your balance is to stop leaning forward. One day I went rollerblading
incredibly tired, and the fall seemed to last forever. It was enough time to realize my body relax-
ing, center of gravity moving from my feet to my spine, my rear getting lower and pulling my
entire body backwards. And that’s not all, I remember the feeling of relaxation, of panic antici-
pating the fall, the confusion of what do I do now, and the decision between cushioning my fall
to ease it or pushing myself forward on my legs. With the worst equilibristic, I saved that fall,
consciously.

It took less than a second to make a difference.

Was it time mastery, really? It was simply full awareness in every millisecond, but if it
was that simple, how come I’m not aware of seconds now? In a life-threatening situation, I can
see how everything in the body can surcharge up to the challenge, but the second fall was a rou-
tine roller blade around sea wall. This is shocking news! If it happens in a routine moment, this
means it can happen in a routine moment! What was the Molotov cocktail of states that made it
happen?

Sure, heightened adrenaline levels increase sensorial intake, but usually at the cost of
brains capacity to process the overload. High processing (as I would consider consciousness to
be) takes away from the resources allocated to perceiving all the stimuli. Can this level of per-
ception of the now all the way to the millisecond be reached by mere awareness? Or is it just a
plain old case of practice makes perfect – repeating a skill again and again will instinctualize the
basic motions, allowing sensors to be receptive to the next level of stimuli?

It’s simple. Both.

Open up with mind to the now, with all your thoughts, senses, allow the present to sur-
prise you and it will. Forget definitions, and you might just rediscover new meanings. Dare to
act and follow through and you will be able to give new meanings.

Yes, NOW is hot, in fashion. So much that by overusing sometimes we end up confusing
living in the now with having it all now. I’m going to disappoint you upfront and say having it
all now is a hoax. Not because you can’t have things now, or because you can’t have it all. Sim-
ply because happiness comes from who you are, being aligned with yourself, and it takes time
for that to develop.

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 Let’s not approach this with just a few dimensions, like career, health, love, relationship,
community, dreams. Let’s not forget character. Let’s not forget the heart. Having it all now may
satisfy my ego, my needs, but what will it teach me in the long run? That things are simple.
How will that affect me when I’ll hit a rough spot, if all I’m thought is that things are simple?
Will I know how to fight? Work hard for something? Will I stand tall, or will I start compromis-
ing pieces of me, one by one, so I can keep up the fantasy of having it all now?

Living in the now, if approached with all dimen-

sions of life, aims at the core of each moment,
going beyond their façade. Not all meant to im-
press is impressive, not all hidden is worth dis-
covering, not all in your face is obvious. Some
moments like to arrive hollering, over-hyping
awesomeness around them, so as to convince
there is more value than the fear they don’t.
Some like to keep you waiting, as if their simple
existence is not truly wanted. Some moments
wrap themselves in smoke and lies, for fear the
simplicity of their truth is not interesting enough.
Some like to sneak up on you, fooling them-
selves that is an accomplishment to take you by
surprise. … and then, there are those moments
that just exist, straight right in front of you, sim-
ple, truthful, right and silent, so obvious that the
energy of their being is enough.

In tango we call them imperceptible moments,

which are not obvious to the spectator eye, but
merely to the one dancing, where suspension and
easiness merge into natural flow. Steve Jobs
called them connecting the dots. My twelve year old niece, when things make sense. Impercepti-
ble moments are when you open all your receptiveness to the present, and experience with all
your core being aligned. It’s when mind shifts happen. Take an imperceptible moment and act
upon your mind shift, and that’s when miracles happen!

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Projections
Here’s another myth to debunk. We’re not alone. ,one of us, ever.
(except that guy with Wilson volley ball on an island)

Somehow we invented this notion, and over-hyped into negativity. We’re constantly sur-
rounded by humanity, by other people projecting their thoughts, wishes and agendas out there.
Every now and then those projections land on us, sometimes we even invite them, when we pick
a book, see a movie or engage in conversations. Through all these projections we need to figure
things our by ourselves, yes, but that does not mean we’re alone.

I figured some aspects of life out on my own, when I smashed on the floor, or
cherished a moment of clarity. That does not mean I figured it out all by myself.
Inside me I had working the endless love of my mother, scrupulous work ethic of
my father, relentless faith learned from my brother, the passion for learning of
my first grade teacher, zest for free thinking from my awesome high school lit-
erature teacher, playfulness in social experimentation from my university guru,
speechless business ethics from my bosses, kicks in the brain from unexpected
journey partners, hearts from as many as I could encounter (especially in friends with unlimited
patience and understanding for my bursts of life), and as much knowledge as I could absorb
from countless thought leaders: Tony Robbins, Bruce Poon Tip, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Paulo Coelho,
Deepak Chopra, Maryann Williamson, Jim Rohn, Bogdan Mihalascu & Youtube
geniuses: ProfmTH, Evid3nc3, Theoretical Bullshit, Nutrition by Natalie… just to
name a few. I figured out things on my own, but definitely not by myself. All these
incredible people made sure that I am not alone in this. I had a whole army on my
side, and so does each and every one of us. And I feel grateful for every positive,
creative, loving projection that reached me.

On the topic of aloneness being a concept we invented and overhyped, alienation

is something we do not pay enough attention to. The more we try to reach and
connect with each other, the more I see people around me feeling alienated from
others, lonely, myself sometimes too. I believe it’s because we have a descrip-
tion of how being connected with others should be like in our minds, and some-
how the way we live our lives fails to match that expectation. That’s why maybe
even if I have over 300 online friends I still cry myself to sleep alone, even if I
feel people clicking on my blog I still feel alienated when my inbox is mostly spam, or when I
can’t remember the last time I received a phone call, even though I make plenty each day.
That’s why we spend our lives seeking people ‘like us’, because connecting to them feels natu-
ral, feels like something we know and can do. I’ll touch more on connections later in the book.

That being said, sugar, spice and everything nice projections are not the only ones that
come to touch you. There are plenty of mean, nasty, ugly things out there that get to you, inten-
tionally or not. A teacher that calls you stupid because you did not memorize what you were
told. A boy that calls you names because you did not give in when you were supposed to. A
boss that calls you incompetent because you exposed one of his mistakes. Friends that call you a
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loser because you did not win what they would have wanted to win. People that call you a
chicken because you did not do what they dare not do.

Wait a minute! How much does it have to do with you and how much with themselves?
A closer look can help debunk some of the pressures around projections.

• Friends, family and their agenda. Yes, it’s true they might have their own agenda, of
course they do! Don’t you? The only reason their intentions over you may become frus-
trating is when they seem against yours. I’ve been anguishing a long time feeling used,
restricted, imposed, misunderstood, or simply fighting. Not necessarily knowing what for
except freedom, but clearly knowing what against. Until one day, when I truly understood
the power of love. No one around you hates you. In fact, almost everyone loves you. And
those who don’t love you yet, simply haven’t found a way to love you. At the same time
you want love, so does everyone else. The only conflict appears when is between loving
someone and being loved back.

When I understood that everything everyone does is about love, feeling they are worthy
of receiving love, feeling they are capable of giving love to somebody, all my pain went away.
And what do you know? The anguish, frustration and conflicts went away too.

Too much pressure to do something you don’t feel right for you? Stop fighting it, it’s not
because they want to control you, it’s how they know best to express their love. Thank them for
their care, and do what you think its best to do. It does not feel like they have your best interests
at heart? Maybe they are asking for love, humanly love. Stop fighting it, thank them for their
care, tell them how lucky you are to have them in your life, and consider their point of view
without feeling you have to give into your position. There’s always time to make a decision, no-
body will ever pressure you when you show consideration, but there is never enough time to
show love. If you dismiss them, you dismissed their gift of love, according to the best of their
knowledge. In exchange, you gifted them with the feeling of not being a parent good enough, or
a friend loving enough, which will end up feeding doubt, regrets, and create fear next time they
want to show love to the best of their abilities. If you choose to acknowledge their love, not only
they will back down, or be willing to understand your points of view, but your loved ones will
support you, sometimes without understanding. Why? Not because they agree with you, or be-
cause it’s really the best thing. It’s because both, on a deeper level, acted out of love. Even with-
out accepting their agenda, by showing consideration, you accepted their gift of love towards
you, and gifted them the feeling that they are a parent loving enough, a friend supportive
enough, that they have a point of view worthy enough. And once you start being at that level,
people will respond at that level, trusting, understanding, supporting. It’s never about who’s
right or wrong. It’s about meeting the other in love and figuring a way out together without fear-
ing you will lose out. It’s about being grateful to each person that touches you in love.

There’s no need to become a boring thanking machine. All is ever needed is understand-
ing it in your mind, at the core, whenever you sense tension between you and close ones. Under-
standing is the first step in activating love, towards other and yourself, in your response.

Everything that everyone does is somehow related to love.

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• “You deserve it” fakeness. Of course I deserve it! Doesn’t everybody? That phrase reso-
nates in principle with equality, and the right to pursue happiness, and with unicorns
roaming free in fields of rainbow. Beautiful, possible, and with enough effort and technol-
ogy, doable. However, it only stands true when you’re embracing it with all your dimen-
sions aligned: your heart feels it’s right, your character can only grow from it, and it will
enhance you and those around you in moments to come.

Simplest example of how easy is for immediate satisfaction to trick you into it? Try go-
ing out with girlfriends after a week of dieting. All you’ll hear is: “Come on, have some cake!
You worked hard, you deserve it! You gotta learn to live a little, enjoy life a little! Don’t be so
strict, is not good for you… You deserve it!”

What if I am enjoying my life already? What if I feel more

alive than ever? What if I don’t feel strict? What if I feel
like proving to myself for once in my life I can win over this
cake? I ate plenty of cake before, I’ll have tons over the
course of my life… why is it so bad for me to turn it down?
I can have fun drinking tea and chatting, laughing, without
eating that cake. Question is, why can’t the rest of the table
enjoy theirs without shoving it down my throat?

I deserve it. Yes, I deserve the whole damn cake. So do millions of starving children
around the world. But at this moment in life I feel I deserve the satisfaction of knowing I accom-
plished something else, like buying a little dress a few weeks down the road, just to see myself in
the mirror with it and returning it back. That’s all.

Most of the ‘you deserve it’ you’ll hear come from outside voices. Media, friends, peer
groups. You might hear them even when you’re shopping alone, coming from commercials,
from conversations and things seen at other people. Silence them and hear your own voice, and
when you align all of yourself to it, you’ll know exactly what you want and deserve and what
not. Saying yes to some things and no to others becomes easier.

• “The Winning illusion”. On the same page with the deserving lines. If you know what
you want to win, you feel it is aligned with your values, know what you need to do for it and
are willing to do it, go for it! The win is yours to take!
What about the things you’re not so sure of? Like staying at that job that demands you
compromise your values for a pay check, or accepting a relationship that is not all you hoped it
would be, winning a jackpot that only asks you bend your ethics a little (if there’s such thing),
or the simple dares your friends sometimes make you do? Come on, you can win this!... Win
what?!? Whenever the voice of peers become greater than your own, do you listen or do you
search for your own meaning of things? Win what? Money over backbone? Almost what I can
be as a woman over confronting the fear of being alone and having patience to become all I
want to be as a woman? A man I had to tear apart and devalue as a human being in order to get
him in my arms? All I have to do is stay strong when I feel ‘losing’ being projected on me, and
listen to your inner voice before paying attention to the other ones.

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 The winning illusion doesn’t hold when you align all of yourself to it, your past self,
your present and your future self, the one you want to create. That’s when ‘winning’ small
things fails to shine in comparison to the character price you’ll have to pay for it. I am perfectly
ok with seeming a loser in my friend’s books, or in front of the world at large. Losing what ex-
actly according to whom? I may win something in the short or long run, but in the end it is my
mirror that I have to face, and the one that watches me back proud or ashamed of what I’m be-
coming along the way.
That being said, this does not weaken the winning mentality. It polishes it, giving it
depth, focus and enables one to act from an energizing, empowering inner place. When you pur-
sue winning something that is not aligned with your entire core, the part of you fighting will
drain your resources. Forget about either mind, heart, health, character, and it will become a
shadow inside you sabotaging the very essence of what you are trying to win, in an attempt to
get your attention back and restore the equilibrium of your entire being. That’s why many of us,
when we get something we want, wonder: is that all there is? There has to be more than this…
Dissatisfaction does not come from reality having less value than we imagine it has, but from
our inability to enjoy reality to its full and complete value by not being aligned to it completely.

• “You’re incompetent” trap.

At one point one of my favourite myths to debunk. I’ve been told a couple of times in
my life I’m incompetent. Interestingly, only by people I’ve built a rapport with in time, never by
people that were assessing me. And interestingly, it never came up in a clear workload, where I
would put all my energy and focus and produced results. It always came up when I would listen
to my own inner compass and somehow didn’t play by their rules. Or didn’t play in their game
at all.
It’s quite simple. A gifted leader would understand incompetency simply means not de-
veloping enough skill or understanding of the system you’re dealing with. And gears you to-
wards overcoming that. For the ones that guided me through my ‘incompetence’ and thought me
how to be a leader on top of that, I am deeply grateful. An ungifted boss will not see the oppor-
tunity, instead will use the very word to bring you down, cause insecurity.
Whenever someone calls you a devaluing word, be it incompetent, stupid, etc… stop
yourself for a minute and think, what is the purpose of that name calling? It can either be bring-
ing you down or pushing you forward, to do better, to try harder. Shame on the person that tries
to bring you down, it is only to make themselves feel better by bringing you to the underground
level they feel at. As for the pushing you to do better, shame on them as well for not having
enough common sense to push you towards your potential in a less degrading way.
Don’t ever let anyone call or make you feel incompetent. You want to do something? Go
do it. You’re not competent enough? Go build whatever you need to pass your own tests. Go!

• Labels vs. Love

Ahhh, the very sound of the word makes my heart tingle and float towards the ceiling.
Who doesn’t love love? Who doesn’t want to have love? I know I do. And when I’m going on a
date or just meeting someone, I am hoping for the kind of love that I want, and my partner is
looking for signs of the kind of love he wants. The forever lasting love is not a myth, it exists. It
does not come from the commitment to stick together like ball and chains, it comes from the
commitment to give today every chance to last, to give your best in a relationship and have the
willingness to make things work, each day.

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 An interesting phenomenon in this day and age is the projection of labels when the un-
derstanding of love does not match. I feel loved when someone wants to connect with the real
me, wants to know me beyond appearance to the point that they will treat me as their partner, as
a best friend, someone worthy of exchanging points of view with, as their ride in this life, as
their vanilla lover, as their kinky lover, as everything. And I’m aware this comes with time.

Labels I felt immediately imposed on me: ‘hard to get’, ‘too picky’, ‘stiff’… oh man, the
list goes on! The society has understanding for open relationships yet as a single woman, I have-
n’t seen many benefits of that for myself, for my life. Men already in a relationship would ap-
proach me and project expectations for only one of a few of the aspects of love that I crave in-
side of me. If I would not warm up early enough in our interaction, they would wonderfully la-
bel me as ‘bitch’, ‘frigid’, ‘boring’, ‘un-wantable’… need I go on?

What is the final purpose of labelling someone like that? If they would have cared for
me even the least they would not bestow this kind of energy on me. The only purpose of such
labels is to get you to react how they want you to react. And that, my lovely human friends, is
anything but love.

Love can never be taken away from you, it has no limits. It is the very driving force of
life, it is the fuel that gets me up in the morning. Is seeing and treating your fellow kind with the
understanding, kindness and compassion, with the overall interest you would want to be treated
yourself, even when the core needs that drive it are not understood. Finding a partner in this life
to share love, a slightly different journey. In which sometimes you encounter people that just
don’t know how to treat others better. Don’t let labels thrown upon you steal away from your
wonderful journey of love.

Statistics = snapshots of past.

Today you’re creating the future. Why use the past to predict it badly? I always won-
dered when I saw we use statistics to define our present, and sometimes predict the trends in the
future. A statistical information is only a snapshot of the past. Even with real time information,
it still only tells you the present. Whether we want to continue it or change its course it’s not in
the statistics to decide, but in our own thoughts and actions.
Here’s two possible scenarios where using statistics as a predictor or reality validator might not
serve you well.

Reality A. Jim is a single man, age 34. He’s has complexes about his modest job, modest ap-
pearances and a certain pessimistic view of the world, ending most of his conversations with
‘That’s the way it is’. He would like to meet someone, but is aware that the divorce rate has
gone up, and most couples don’t make it. ‘That’s the way it is!’. When he meets Diana, a 35 y
old secretary with a broken heart, he will approach the relationship, yet cautious. When they’ll
hit the boredom plateau, or fights, or trouble, what is the most probable course of his actions?
Give his best, do whatever it takes to make it work and bring the love back, or try a few times,
and when it crumbles, feel better because it was in the statistics anyway… he did his best, but
‘that’s the way it is’?

17
Reality B. Jim is a single man, age 34. He has a modest job and modest appearances but plenty
of things he’s enjoying in his life. He’d love to meet a partner and change his loneliness. He is
aware the divorce rate has gone up, and most couples didn’t make it in the past decades. For as
much information that statistic has, we’re living now in a world that changes every day, and if
he wants something to make it he’s gonna have to make it. When he meets Diana, a 35 y. old
secretary with a broken heart, he will approach the relationship open. Anything can be fixed, so
he’s willing to help Diana rediscover her heart. She teaches him how to express his. In time,
they build on a solid foundation, and teach each other how to express love, how to open up to
receive love. When they hit the boredom plateau, or fights, they already have a history of count-
ing on each other. He does not know the way it should be today, or what it will be tomorrow.
All he does is approach it with open heart, and find a way to make today work.

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Reality vs. Imagination

Imagination is amazing, no doubt about it!

Whenever I think of Jules Vernes describing the
trip to the moon or under the sea in details a
hundred years before it actually happened, I get
trembles. What better fact, historically proven
then this that we are changing our lives with our
imagination?

And as awesome as it is, reality beats it by far.

The thrill of every mind reading Jules Vernes
over the course of a century paved the way for
the excitement of an entire world as we landed
the moon. Imagination open the road for an en-
tire mankind to be in awe. Imagination should not have an escapist role in life, it’s an achieving
role.

Looking at our collective mindset, oh my! Haven’t we come a long way! From the way
we write to the way we think and imagine. Just look at our view of some fears, as pictured in
movies, the fear of being conquered by aliens: from Alien and Predator type of aliens, nasty en-
emy creatures that just want to eliminate us, to War of the Worlds scenarios where the enemy is
smaller but so much meaner… all the way to finally coming to break through a new thought,
that we might co-exist with whatever comes at us, as in District 9. Way to come along, human-
ity, hooray!

Speaking of stories and movies - is no longer a secret that they’ve become the main crea-
tor of our collective subconscious, along with music, and more recently, social media. With that
being the case, it’s exciting, frightening and an overall burst of emotions to realize that we do
not have enough projections out there of our world being saved, or sustainability working. I see
wondrous smaller scale productions, entrepreneurs or all kinds making an impact, but from the
huge box office kind, how come we see only a few saved, most sacrificed, how come the most
seducing story is that of depleting our world or resources enough to make us want to leave our
bodies for some other world? How come there are so many desolating movies about a sombre
faith for humanity, swimming in desperation and somehow showing a smear of hope? We’re
better than this humanity; we can do much better than this! I want to see the incredible love
story between a solar energy specialist and biologist while they’re changing the way we grow
food on our planet, I want to see the epic tale of a high school classroom putting their efforts
together for an entire semester to raise money and build a few wells in Africa, I want to see the
documentary where for one day every person on a ship is asked to give without expecting any-
thing in return, and all the implications that come from that, I want to see more movies that de-
pict the excitement for the future that cartoons have these days! Man, is it ever exciting to be a
child in our times! Let’s make it exciting to be an adult again, too!

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Media
Part of our life, it’s almost becoming our live. Media is still an expression of yourself,
and not the whole. Why are we so quick to jump to assumption is the whole persona? If I see a
nice media, they’re nice people, if I see kinky photos, they’re kinky, if I see mean things,
they’re bad people? How about all being just sides of people? Everybody can be nice, everyone
has the naughty side, some are more comfortable showing it, some not. Some haven’t discov-
ered it yet. Everyone snaps, has a bad day, says mean things at some point. Are we back to me-
dieval social perceptions? Social media is changing the way we understand and define our lives,
and the greatest part is we’re learning to adapt ourselves to it as we’re going on. Next question
in integrating media is: where do we draw the lines in our lives? How much is too much, how
little is too little?

• Managing expectation of presence

Just how much are you expected to be online? How much alive aren’t you if you don’t
have an camera with you? Once you build an expectancy to engage, do you owe it to your pub-
lic to deliver? As a company, you build the expectation with your promise: “a representative
will reply within X hours/days”. As an artist, you decide the dates of your shows. As a profes-
sional blogger, you build your commitment to your readers by posting daily, weekly, etc… As a
person, what is the expectancy to be present online? How much of your choice to express your-
self or connect with peers is in your hands, and how much in the hands of others?
The answer is simple: it is always in your hands. You decide when you want to express
yourself and why. If peers is what you want, go for it. If silence is what you want, go for it. If
silence when there is huge peer pressure is what you want, deal with pressure and go for it.
Here’s a simple test to see if you’re compulsive about media. If you click this button (= go
to the end of the book), you will find out something about yourself you may not want to know.
If you don’t click on it, you will find out something about yourself you do want to know: that
you have control over your actions, your time, and
over what influences you.
• Ambiguity vs clarity
We’re still defining our own boundaries when
it comes to online identity. Having so much of our-
selves out there makes freedom challenging, so we’re
sinking into metaphors, songs, quotes, attaching emo-
tions to links, anything that can have multi meanings.
Expressionism only works if the intention is express-
ing yourself. If we want to fool the system so badly
that we’ll use expressionism for multiple reasons, in
the end we only learn nothing has any meaning, be-
cause we’ve been stripping it away. And we end up
seeing weird meaning everywhere, because if we do
it, so must everyone else. Sure recipe for developing
paranoia skills, in my humble opinion. And by not
doing anything that can be directly linked to us, we’re
teaching ourselves to be professional cowards, too!

20
 Another thing I noticed is the tendency for expecting consistency from others. If I like to
talk using my own words, I find people interpret me literally whenever I use metaphors, as if it
were a black or white matter. With other people that like using metaphors, I found myself trying
to seek the deeper meaning beyond the simplest of sentences, because I developed the expec-
tancy they always have a second meaning in there. This links back to the need for consistency in
identity in us and others, and with the antique perception identity has one or few dimensions.
How about having the courage to be yourself, despite of social media? Put your own
ideas out there, in your words, your emotions, and directed to the person it was meant for (if).
The price for having 850 social friends not like you is sometimes worth it for the freedom of
you liking yourself. We did not spent thousands of years to evolve from sitting in a cave, watch-
ing shadows on a wall into people that sit in caves, watching shadows on a screen. Let’s hope
we don’t become shadows.
• Emotions and reactions.
Music is emotion. Colours are emotion. Peer love or hate is emotion. We use them to
express ourselves, and receive other’s emotions through them. With social media you might find
yourself overwhelmed with other’s words and emotions, flying all over the place, some of them
requesting your response. If you have a strong emotional presence, you will trigger it in your
‘public’, and at the same time others will trigger it over you. Best advice in managing other’s
triggers to emotional response? Be mindful of your media entry. Your opinions, thoughts, mood,
etc… should be defined before accessing media. If media makes your day, than media ruins
your day. And guess what? Your negative emotions, scattered to touch other people, might just
ruin other days as well. This is not an invitation for having all rainbows and sunshine out
there… just for more awareness on how we portray the unpleasant elements in our lives.
• Dissemination of information
Even though internet and media is practically unlimited, it seems that we gravitate toward
a few limited portals: favourite news channel, favourite websites, favourite parts of a website we
like to see. When we attribute a value to something (valuable information, entertainment, latest
discoveries… etc) we keep coming back to that place and associating the same value, sometimes
without processing.
Yet we need to do more than just absorb and use that information to relive the imitating
monkey saga every single time. Just because we like a source does not mean stop processing
every single information coming from that source. It’s not the website’s or newspaper’s fault,
but ours, for gulping down or twisting information to sometimes lower our values instead of
strengthening them. We have reason. Let’s make use of it.

• Identity.
Just a quick thought. We seem to gravitate mostly towards social media, and define more
and more of our identity through those means. A word of caution: we are more than a profile.
We are more than a string of thoughts. We are capable of feeling much more than music, sounds
and net emotions. We are capable of pursuing so many purposes and causes outside media or
with little connection. However we decide to take this journey, please take the following at ad-
vice value, as cold as it may seem (considering behind every link there are people): let’s never
forget it’s just another tool we know how to use, and we make it, it does not make us. Let’s con-
tinuously find new and better ways to connect with each other, express ourselves and become.
Let’s use it as a way to expand our experience of reality, not to limit us away from it.

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.ew communities & impact on our human nature

We seem to spend a lot of time on several popular sites. We learn from each other to imi-
tate really fast, forming communities and allowing them to influence our way of thinking, our
public opinion. Some notable pitfalls:
• Believing anything that goes there;
• Believing irrelevant ‘trash’ information will not hurt our mind, but it enters it, therefore
affects our vocabulary, our vessel; the overload of information can clutter our minds.
What would be our ability to create exciting future solutions if we’re constantly monitor-
ing everything? An even better question, how can we improve our ability to create excit-
ing future solutions while keeping up with information?
• Fast information = no time to seek deeper value or verify truth;
• Anonymity breads irresponsibility; observed opinions/behaviours become acceptable, it
might be tempting to default oneself to the lowest common denominator of the community
instead of striving for the better in themselves.
• Training emotional responses; sometimes people imitate behaviours seen or asked of them
(e.g. locating someone). Can be a great behaviour modification if for the right cause.
That’s why it seems wise to think, process and choose how information affects your emo-
tional states and opinions/decisions/actions.
• Identity can be stolen. I found that people would post things hinting at my persona, and a
whole crowd would hit me with an overload of emotional response. Even if I tried to keep
consistency, public emotional pressure would change according to ‘trash’ info.
• A strength is that it helps perfect and polish an idea, disseminates almost instantly.
• Weakness that by formatting our minds in a collective way may limit the creation of alter-
native ideas. Can be overcome by active thinking and developing creativity.
• Teaching us to become ‘Trash’ miners. Mindset of seeking information, not of decision
what to do with it. We’re seekers and reactors. If we want to build more exciting solutions
for our world, we need to become processors and creators on top of that! Limiting reaction
as much as possible helps; of course, with the discernment not to limit all action.
• Skewed perception of what’s out there. Following people and companies can create a lim-
ited channel for news to enter your mind. Expand it and all of the sudden you have a dif-
ferent perception of the world. The limited channel keeps people conditioned in the same
type of news, and same type of emotional reactions.
• How an information is presented online matters. When impartial, it helps rationalization.
When presented in an emotional format, encourages emotions. Various combinations and
ingredients can be found in the way information is presented.

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 Part 2
Don’t chase your dreams… run ahead and show them the way.

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Dreams
What do you secretly dream of, in the back of your mind? What are those thoughts you
keep repeating in the unspoken corners of your soul, behind every single job and family duty
that state clearly such dreams should not be allowed? Postponing a week here, a few years there,
until there’ll be nothing left but a vague memory, until no arguments seemed convincing enough
to move towards any big changes that would most certainly disturb such a convenient routine,
until you find yourself scavenging for arguments if that was even your dream?

The magic of dreaming is the surreal aspect, of keeping the thought behind your mind, not
bringing it forward, just taking it, tasting it every now and then, putting it back. What if I’d tell
you it’s a mind trick, that somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that dreams are hard to achieve?
It does not matter who started what, if society conditioned us to imagine being enslaved in a job
machine, and only imagine freedom in a few limited ways: travel, winning lottery, having eve-
rything we can think of, seeing the kids grow up, healthy and with their own families, owing
that bike, that boat, that expensive pair of shoes? Somehow we got stuck in this mindset, of liv-
ing one life dreaming of another. What if I’d tell you, my friend, that this very cycle is the one
that clouds our minds with petty wishes, and chains us to being unable to envision more solu-
tions to develop ourselves, more solutions for the planet, for our future as mankind? How? Ter-
rifyingly simple. Take one of your dreams, and pull it completely from the swamp of thoughts
of fear, unknown that surround it, and bring it right in front of you. Hold your dream in the palm
of your hands, look at it, clean, clear. What would it take to make it real? Think of the actions
that need to happen, not the ones that you can’t see happen.

For example, to take two months off work to go traveling, think: save money, coordinate
with partner to get two months off work at the same time, decide whether we want to take the
kids or not, find solutions for kids (if stay at home, if they come with us), obtain approvals from
work, clear two months, establish itinerary, find deal on flights, get insurance, pack, go, enjoy
travel, come back, get back to work, figure out next dream.

Most of us don’t go that far, and get stuck in the things we find hard to clear out of the
way before even holding the dream clearly in our hands: my co-worker submitted a request for
three weeks off and got rejected, I cannot even dream to ask now, my partner will not want to
run double risk and miss both our incomes for the months away, I don’t want to leave my kids at
home but that means more expense and is it going to be a vacation, really, what if I lose my job
while I’m away, what if I’ll have bad weather while I’m there, what if…what if… Our dreams
get lost on their way out to happening due to self inflicted negative clutter. What if I’d told you
that clutter is not the problem, is not the reason you cannot achieve your dreams, is not the thing
that we’re really scared of?

24
 Clutter is just the excuse we use, that’s all. What we’re most scared of is that unknown
place in the back of our minds, where the dream habits. The dream planted by our parents, or
our friends, or by the moment you saw a fancy lady walking down the street as a child and
wanted to be just like that when you grew up, or by a scene in a movie where Pierce Brosnan
and Rene Russo drive in a little jeep. That place becomes important as we go through life be-
cause we associate hope, freedom, being truly yourself, happiness, accomplishment, alive,
loved… we associate our most intense, alive human emotions to that little dark place where we
keep dreams locked under a swamp of excuses. And the question that comes up every time we
want to take our dream out and try to make it happen, the question that few dare face is… what
will we fill that place with once we remove the dream? We accept a definition of enslavement
freely and we accept a definition of freedom related to that enslavement just as freely.

Pick a dream….any dream! You get to carv it!

That’s why we are afraid of making dreams real, we are cowards in front of the few little
excuses we repeat in our minds about our dreams. Because we convinced ourselves that keeping
dreams there, in that almost-but-not-quite state, equals keeping hope within reach, in a place
where we know how to find it and access it. Because it’s easy to accept a pre-fabricated dream
than to face it become true in less than a year and have to face your own power and at the same
time your own failure in creating a bigger, better dream. Is much better to have a little pre-made
dream in your mind for a lifetime than have it come true, know you can do so much more and
see your mirror looking back at you in disappointment. Because it’s convenient to be able to
reach a glimpse of hope every single time you need it, like a jar placed in the same shelf in your
pantry year after year, much more convenient that removing it from there and having to find
hope in everything and anything, having to re-invent it every single time.

I challenge you to take those dreams into your hands, see them without the clutter of fear
and practice making them true, if only in your mind. I promise you, once you will have a taste
of it you will itch to act on it, to feel it in your toes, breathe it in deeply, and reach that second
when every blood cell screams with excitement: Yes! I fucking did it! I challenge you to face
the moment of emptiness that follows fearless, and to learn to make a new dream, a better one,
and a better one, and a better one.

Once we will learn to turn dreams into reality faster, and we will learn to create worthier
dreams, we will have developed the skills as individuals and as humanity not just to dream of a
better world, but to create it from our own will transformed into action. But of course, some of
you already knew that, for we’ve started a long time ago.

25
Purpose
One thing I never really could understand is boredom. I’ve been called boring, or hear oth-
ers name people or situations as boring. I never had that. Everyone has something interesting
inside them that I can find out, or connect with. A situation can have endless possibilities within
it, how can anything in this life be boring?
The only time when I hit boredom was after achieving a dream. I’ve been struggling for
months to gather the courage to quit my job, economy and all it wasn’t an easy decision. Yet the
moment I dared to say the magic words and pay the loser price for my freedom, the weight of
the world lifted off my shoulders! For about a week or so. As soon as I hit the routine of having
no purpose besides choosing my purpose, no need to go to work in the morning, to do things I
don’t want to do and then complain about them and have peer sympathy, all the little things I
did to fill in my time shifted very soon from being interesting or entertaining to plain and bor-
ing. In a week they became same old thing.
Being bored out of your mind hurts, because the more I searched for other people and
things to make my life interesting, the more I failed. The more I failed the more blaming others,
circumstances and regretting became more and more familiar emotions. They’re best friends
with boredom, because they share the same common ground: lack of personal will (intent) or
personal action, with the responsibility that tags along.
When you formulate an intent, and take action towards it, everything else disappears.
Regrets, blaming, and boredom. Purpose and boredom are like each other’s kryptonite.

26
Moment that Mattered
What is the moment that truly matters? All this saying about seize it when it comes, how
will you know? It took the slightest drop of love, the most amazing boomerang in my life to re-
alize every single present moment matters.

My family immigrated to Canada almost six years ago. Some like it, some miss Romania
more than anything. It happens to a lot of immigrant families. After years of personal anguish,
my father finally decided to pursue a life back home. This is not an easy decision when you’re
already retired, and your family seems to thrive on another continent. God only knows what’s in
someone’s heart to make them come to such a decision. What’s most interesting is that in the
midst of all the anguish, of feeling we’ll be abandoned, left behind, having too much responsi-
bility now on two continents, in the middle of all these thoughts so selfish at core, I called and
wished him all the best, and assured him: ‘Whatever you want to do, I will support you.’. He
hang up, and we didn’t really talk about it in years that followed.

Two years later now, he is living his dream, and a few months ago, when I was anguishing
over quitting, traveling, and changing life completely by moving to another city, and I would
hear people call me irresponsible, unloving, lost, unsettled, or just cry, I received a call from
him. ‘Whatever you want to do, I will support you.’ In one instant, the weight of the world was
lifted. By one single action years ago, I was already living a different reality.

The only moment that matters is right now. That’s when people around you are trying to
be their best, they’re facing their fears, doubts, worries. Now is when your partner is giving its
best, when your children are challenged more than ever, your neighbour needs a smile more
than ever. The moment that matters is not in your past, and not in your future. Is just now. And
all you need is to access your love, your true love that goes beyond the fear of not being loved
enough, or the way you want it, beyond the fear of being abandoned, or unsuccessful, beyond
the fear of being played and used, and love the other enough to see the world through their eyes
and just be there for them, even when nothing makes sense.

Resistance to change
I’ve heard it a thousand times before, change is not easy. Changing jobs, houses, friends,
body, wardrobe, changing your favourite drink… is about comfortability, and an acquired pref-
erence. Yet all those changes were nothing compared to even considering changing myself.

I’m an X-er living in a millennial’s world, and we’re all speeding in the rollercoaster that
bridges any generational divide. I worked all my life trying to find who I am, and when the tools
came out, expressing who I discovered I am, and now that I finally grasped something, I am
supposed to change it? What kind of cruel sick life prank is that? The most interesting part of
changing yourself is the false belief that you owe it to yourself to remain the same. Because you
worked so hard to getting there, because it finally feels good, because everything around you
demands YOUR identity.

27
 All this vehemence towards maintaining an external identity status quo with little concern
for the depth of it creates the expectancy of continuity. …Change. Why do I have this thought
that if I have to change I’ve failed, somehow I lost at being myself, as if I give in into some-
thing? Why do I feel that change means I must have been a bad person, since when becoming
better implies the bad? Whenever I look around me the people who stagnated stubbornly into
some mindset are the ones who move/scare me most, so why the stupid thoughts? I want it, it
feels natural, and good, with all the failures sprinkled on the way. I liked who I was, yet just be-
cause I liked it does not mean I have to be only that version of me forever.

Resistance to change comes from misalignment within you, which affects all areas of your
life: health, heart, friends & family, your own character & values. Not being ready to take all the
risks, or unsure if this is the change you truly want. Resistance is not to be crushed, is to be lis-
tened to. Why are you resisting? Listen to your own inner voice, it may protect you down the
road, or even end up realizing the change was unnecessary. Just because change sounds exciting
doesn’t mean all blind change is good.

Listening to instincts
Where does your confidence come from? From the things you know about
yourself and the world, from the experiences that build you when you act your curiosities, and
from expressing yourself. Every censorship mechanism controls either our access to knowl-
edge, to freely formed thoughts (curiosity) or the freedom of our expression.

It was a surprise to land in North America and learn the way systems work here. You want
to buy an apartment, you don’t have access to all the building information until you actually
show interest in the apartment and make a deposit. You want a mortgage, the bank teller will
cheerfully disclose your monthly payment and the number of years, but not give you the total
sum so you can make a fully informed decision. So if I choose the easy payments I end up pay-
ing you over the course of my life over 500,000 for a 200,000 apartment, but if I bear a little dis-
comfort and less years it’ll only cost me 375,000 in total payments? Why didn’t you say so?

We think we have an advantage keeping information away. Even our courtship seems to
be based on that… leave some mystery for later, you’ll get bored too soon. So we end up spend-
ing all our lives chasing information, we teach our children how to chase and get more informa-
tion, instead of teaching them what to do with information once received.

Curiosity never killed the cat. Ever. You want to know why? Instincts. If you’re curious
about doing something, do it. You want to dress differently today? Do it. You always wondered
what it would feel like to try weird food, find a teacher in Indonesia and ask them about their
children challenges there, kiss a stranger, walk up to a bully ten times your size and show them
the finger, dress up all nice and dance until dawn, find someone that speaks no common lan-
guage and spend a day with them just to see how it goes? You want to walk into your boss of-
fice and demand your raise, or quit and start that mom & pop shop you’ve always dreamed of?
Do it, do it, do it, DO IT!

28
 Curiosity, that brain restlessness that wants to reach out outside yesterday’s thought, is the
most incredible platform for your own evolution. Instincts simply regulate it, warning you when
your curiosity might put your health, your heart or your character in danger. Listening to those
inside voices will help you know which curiosities are harmless to pursue and which bring
thorns.

Whether we have an idea of who we are or still try to define ourselves, self-expression is
the way we bring our knowledge and curiosities to the world. It’s where we test and change
knowledge of ourselves, the world around us; it’s where we bring forth our curiosity and gain/
lose proof of how limited/unlimited we truly are.

If your actions or thoughts are nurturing or hurting, it will not be revealed by conditioning.
‘Girls don’t do that’, ‘It’s not professional to appear like that’, ‘People that like me don’t talk to
me like that’… are meant to stop you only if you allowed outside voices to speak louder than
yours. Be careful, you might end up forgetting how to listen to your own voice. If necessary, be
willing to silence all other voices so you can hear the voice that truly matters. In that inner
voice, instincts will guide you towards the best combination of thought and actions, for yourself
and others.

Risks

When was the last time you took on a real risk? No, not the going out in the rain without
an umbrella kind, but a real, I-have-no-idea-what-will-happen kind of risk? When was the last
time you dare to cross over an invisible bridge?

We’re smart. Correction, we think we’re smart. We think we’re so smart we’re trying to
analyze everything, foresee every action, and always choose the best for ourselves. Does it
work? Of course it does! It works in providing us with the best outcome our minds could come
up with. It works in stopping from paying attention to the language of the universe. It works in
ensuring that we know exactly how much effort will be required before we even start making
that effort. It also ensures that we don’t put in any extra effort, so that we won’t really find out
just how much more we are capable of.

Risk is nothing more than daring to allow yourself receptiveness to other stimuli than your
regular ones. Risking a new stimulus will lead you to a different result, good or bad. Try enough
times, and you will achieve enough bad results and enough good results to actually achieve
something. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, calculated risks are not real risks. Because the
calculation only keeps you within a few limited parameters, not truly opening to the endless
possibilities of this world.
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Mistakes
Treasure your mistakes like you would a God-given luxury. For there is no greater pris-
oner than the man who can make no mistakes. Treasure your freedom to try, to fail, and to keep
moving forward. The best way to treasure a mistake is to respect it’s power. Pay its price, learn
its lesson, and move towards a new mistake, that’s how you ensure you don’t get to repeat the
same mistake.

Mistakes are there to teach you, to forge you, and to protect you, by showing where you
weaknesses are. Mistakes are there to prove you’re only a mistake away from succeeding, mis-
takes are the best reason why you can’t ever give up. In business, love and overall life, all prin-
ciples are the same. Making a relationship successful takes the same effort and attitude towards
mistakes as finding one: don’t give up.

Fear & Courage

Fear is one of the best friends you can develop in your lifetime. If you’re willing to talk
and listen to it, it will point out every single time you’re on the brick of a change, it will show
you every single thing you hold dear to you and risk losing. Not a lot of friends know how to do
that.

If you want to know exactly what will be the price of your next risk, what matters and
what doesn’t in your life, when fear knocks, open your door wide, invite her in, pour down some
tea, and listen to what it has to say. Because after your battles are won, and your loved ones are
protected, you will want to find that fear again to thank her, but it will be gone.

Paying attention to fear does not mean you’re a coward, is not the absence of courage.
Courage is only real when you’ll act while embracing your fears. You might hesitate at first, or
lose some confidence if the fears become true after a few times. But don’t let that bring you
down. If it’s fear you’re worry about, talk to her the night before, but overbook your day with
courage! That way, you have already listened to what it has to say, but when it comes to ac-
tions, you will have no time left for fear.

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Value
Have you ever bought something of value? Neither have I… Stop trying and start creating!

When someone close to you is down, or unsure of themselves, add value! Uplift their
spirit, their belief they can improve, they can change whatever they want to change. Uplift their
belief in the goodness of people. When a co-worker has a weak day, feed their strengths, not
their weaknesses so you can get the promotion first. When one of the girls in your entourage
complains about her boyfriend slipping away to other girls, strengthen her belief that her rela-
tionship can still work, help her believe in their love again, don’t use it as an excuse to seduce
her. You may get her to break up with her boyfriend, but beyond that you succeed at devaluing
both of them and yourself as people, by weakening their faith in others, in human relationships,
by making them feel powerless in front of love.

You are the decider of how much value you add to the things, ideas, projects, people in
your life. You are the one that decides if the love you have in your life right now is invaluable,
and treat it as such, or if a past love is the only one that could ever bring you happiness, thus de-
valuing every moment spent in a love you consider not quite what you hoped for, because you
are not acting, feeling and thinking in your current love like you hoped you would act.

You are the creator of value in your work. You are the one that decides how important the
fax you’re sending is, how important the report you complete is, how important the purpose of
your job is. Ever wondered why some people thrive no matter where and what, while others are
never satisfied of what they do? We all need to work, we all need to bring our contribution to
our world. The people who managed to add value to their actions, whether they liked their job or
not, are the ones that thrived no matter what. Those who devalue purposes, organizational sys-
tems, even the simplest tasks, will never really manage to acquire satisfaction in their work, not
because they haven’t found the meaningful work yet, but simply that in time they have become
professional ‘devaluers’!

It’s easy today to criticise everything and anything, to spin words out of their meaning un-
til nothing has meaning. Take the most inspiring leadership quote, and tear it to pieces, pointing
out that even Hitler was a successful leader, thus taking out the empowering value of a word/
quote. It’s easy to take a human body and decompose it, and find flaws with the hair, the skin,
the breasts, the hands, the …everything. Is easy to talk to a person and find out from their
words, body language, what they want, what they care about and twist it, spin it, grant them the
very thing but at the cost of breaking them inside. It’s easy to take a relationship into a marriage
contract and by thinking you are stuck to feel less joy, less will to be spontaneous, more
grumpy, less grateful on what your partner brings you, more focused on what you think you
don’t have. Because if you place the only real value in a binding contract and take the value out
of each moment and interaction, you are devaluing your relationship to be exactly that: only a
contract. It’s easy today to devalue anything. Any idiot can do it, and most do. Idiots not be-
cause they don’t get what they think they want, something the easy way, but because whenever
we allow ourselves to be such idiots we’re paying a huge price as humanity by devaluing our-
selves.
31
 We can add value to a leader by aligning it with ethical principles of our times, we are the
ones that can take any person, regardless of looks and make them radiate of beauty inside, we
are the ones that decide in the first place what is even considered beautiful and what not, nobody
else created those rules, we did; we are the ones that decide to wake up willing to be by our part-
ner’s side, that decide to add value to the present moment and the present love by pouring our
affection, daring to be the lover, the friend, the crazy adventurous person we always dreamed
inside ourselves we can be. A tricky excuse we invented to prevent us from that is the regret and
fear towards past, the thought that if I love my current partner with everything I have, with all
my mind, energy and heart, than this must mean I did not love the previous one enough… And I
loved them, but somehow I failed showing it as I should have, and because of this regret I am
punishing myself to love less in the current relationship. This is a mind trap many create over
and over again, sabotaging themselves every single day. The trap is that is self-perpetuating. If
you don’t love with all of yourself today, completely, openly, embracing with the enthusiasm of
a child, you’re creating even more regret for tomorrow, or for the next relationship to fall in the
same pattern.
The solution? Discard any regret, if necessary contact a previous love, and say what you
need to say, help them overcome whatever regrets they may have, and give yourself every
change to immerse yourself completely in love NOW, today! It’s going to take a while until
more and more of us connect inside with the greater, true love we are capable of, and lift up our
exes, allowing them to love completely, without past jealousy, emotional blackmail, neediness
to see them tear away from their potential happiness to feel more miserable so we can interpret
that as a sign of being loved. It is a sign of being loved, and of a love so deep that will devalue
all three people involved to mend a torn heart.
Immersing in the now, and connecting with a love greater than the fear of disappointing a
loved one allowed me to talk to my mother about our expectations from each other, our wishes
and hopes for life, and take our relationship to a higher level. After living years not feeling a
daughter good enough because I did not share her enthusiasm for church life, both of us cour-
aged up and opened up our regrets, models of life and confronted the fear of ’what if I disap-
point by this’ thoughts? Yet by doing it, by allowing part of our weaker side to come to light,
we freed each other to grow, and discovered our mother-daughter relationship can be recreated
with greater value, love and caring, every time we have the will to take action towards one an-
other supporting the other’s value and caring, as a mother, father, son, daughter, etc.
Yet I’ve seen our hearts, my beautiful loving friends, and we are capable of so much
more, we are capable of a much greater, brighter, deeper love than we ever thought possible!
The kind of love where you see the world through your loved one’s eyes and heart, and release
their soul to immerse itself in present love, completely, without doubt, without remorse, with
only pure joy of being able to touch such place. I’ve seen it, and we’re getting there, one truly
loving heart at a time. We just need a few pieces of the puzzle put in place.

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Reputation
Going through the weight loss battle sure opened the doors of enlightenment on reputation
for me! Well, that and a most incredible home improvement boss. When I first hit the excite-
ment of having results and committing to a healthier lifestyle, people around me would adopt
various reactions, based on their own lifestyle and their impression of me (aka. reputation).
From remarks like: ‘Well, let’s see how long this diet lasts, we know what happened to the other
ones’, ‘Yeah diet, but you only live once, right? We made your favourite recipe!’… all the way
to ‘Well, if you’re unhappy with yourself, do what you think you need to do. I for one, am happy
with the way I am’.

Depending on peer group, it took from 6 to 9 months of constant behaviour to change my

reputation in people’s eyes. To the point that people would come to my office to discuss fitness
exercises, healthy eating ideas and active lifestyle. I realized the true impact when I got so confi-
dent I’d go from work after a few nights of pastry binging (for those that don’t know, flour
makes you look a little puffy 8-24 hours after consumption), and people would congratulate me
for how much weight I lost since last week. Maybe it was the overall guilt, maybe not, but that’s
when I realized the value of a wave of reputation going on for you. You can have it, you can
ride it. But like any momentum, anything that you do that builds it will build it, anything you do
against it will slow it, and stop it.

Reputation will not stay with you forever, and you can change it in whatever direction you
want to. Depending on the crowd you want to reach, all in takes is enough constant action to
first stop the pendulum going in the direction you don’t want, and keep building speed once it
goes in the direction you want.

Perseverance
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you… then you win!”

My favourite quote about perseverance has it all, discipline, hope, and most of all, resil-
ience in front of intimidation. How long do you need to keep going? As Jim Rohn used to say…
UNTIL!

Perseverance is easy, is a piece of cake when you know your path, but what about when
you can’t see in front of you? How do you walk the invisible path? When you cannot grasp at
anything around you, when you cannot see where your next step will be, how do you walk that
path?

I learned about walking the invisible path through my failed attempts to form a success-
ful relationship, when in one of my lows, realising I am 28 years old, and all the men interested
in me somehow chose someone else, when one night I faced the terrifying question: what if no-
body will ever be interested in me? What if I will spend the rest of my life alone, watching every-
one else hooking up, connecting, loving?(in other words, what if this hope will never happen?)
That night opened a lot of dark thoughts, a lot of questions:

33
 - Maybe it’s pointless.
- What’s the point? Nobody cares about me.
- Men will always choose anyone else but me.
- Where is the love in this world?
- Life is disappointing.
- Maybe I don’t deserve love.
- You only matter if you’re beautiful.
- If that all love really is? Ethicless lust?
- I must be a failure. I am a human failure.
- Hurt it’s not worth it.
- Why, why, why, why, why?
- It’s so unfair…

A dark night, indeed. I was lucky to have two events in my life that paved the way to get
me out of that state. A favourite tale by Paulo Coelho, about people starting on a biking journey,
and slowly as they find different ways in life, friends start sitting by the end of the road, while
you find yourself pedalling by yourself, tired, exhausted, wandering if it’s worth it, wondering if
you should sit by the side of the road as well. My second event was a depression the year before,
where being tired of pedalling alone for so long, I did sit by the side of the road, and it took
swimming through an entire hell of regrets for months until I was able to get up and start walk-
ing in the direction my hope was leading me.

By the time darkness of doubt hit again, I knew what I mustn’t do. Giving up equals death,
in any matter of life. But I had no idea what I should do. Since the dark thoughts seemed like a
pit full of lava calling for my mind, the only way out was walking on an invisible bridge. The
only way out of darkness is not to look down: look forward, move forward. In time, I not only
developed the confidence and unstoppable hope in the love and relationship I want, but in all
areas of my life.

Mastering true perseverance is not when you see the road ahead of you, is mastering
enough self confidence and relentlessness to move forward when you can’t see. I could not see
much in front of me for more than a year now, but walking the paths I chose and putting my
hope in action is what paved my way. We need to grow ourselves fast as humanity, for our
challenges are many, and solutions need to pour for us to overcome them. We need to practice
our perseverance in front of invisible roads, and not fall off to dark thoughts about our future.
Some days we might see a glimpse of it, some days we might not. But it’s not seeing it that cre-
ates the future, it’s the immutable, non-negotiable thought that we can create it that will make us
walk on that path and thus create it. It’s the simplest thought that moves us FORWARD.

34
 35
Part 3
“What would the world be like if we, as humans, would not play so small?”- Heather Arney
The ‘One’
I thought the whole hype about ‘the one’ was understood by now, but I keep encounter-
ing people that just feel better tearing the concept down, so they can feel good when they’re not
giving 100% in a relationship. I, for one, love it. The one is the one you give a real chance to,
not half of a chance. The one you are a real friend for, you stick through thick and thin, you are
considerate towards, ends up being your best friend. The partner you behave as a real partner
towards, ends up becoming your successful partner.
Same principle applies in all aspects of your live. The job you commit your time, energy
and passion to completely ends up being ‘the job’. The hobbies you give all your best to become
long enduring hobbies. When you give your whole best, the end result is the best.
It’s interesting to notice in this whole online dating experience how committed men, or
those not having the maturity to admit they’re not emotionally available, were approaching me
desiring a relationship, yet only projecting some aspects of a relationship. If I did not feel com-
fortable and did not react as they wanted to, I’d have the most interesting labels projected over
me: ‘stiff’, ‘bitch’, ‘shitty unicorn’, etc, and if by some miracle I would not give in and accept
half of a relationship the reactions would change: ‘You can’t love, can you? Love is uncondi-
tional, you need to give it to feel it.’
Well, if love is unconditional only if it meets his terms and criteria, it’s not uncondi-
tional. It’s love the way he wants it. If that’s the case, then there’s nothing wrong with me be-
lieving there is out there love ‘the way I want it’, as bitch as it makes me. This is not love, this is
adults playing sick semantics. What about me loving someone enough to respect their existing
relationship? What about me loving someone enough to realize that even if he’s free his heart
isn’t? What about loving someone enough to point out weaknesses, or not push their button in
forcing them to stay by my side? What about loving someone enough as a person to respect their
decision to choose another girl, and still support them for a loving and respectful relationship?
No woman is ever an enemy, if we’re fuelling that as a mentality we’re only devaluing our-
selves.
The ‘one’ is the partner you treat considering all aspects of a successful relationship
with. It does not matter if it’s a fully committed or open. When you show interest in all sides of
a person, allowing them to become your friend, your conversation partner, your dreams and ac-
tions partner, your lover, your everything… and they get to know yours as well, that’s when you
succeed.
We all know it. Together forever happens only if today is a successful together day. And
to make it successful, I need to give it all I have. When people start relationships based on half
interest, or having some needs secured in another relationship, project only remaining of needs
on another partner, you are accepting to live with only a part of yourself fulfilled in that rela-
tionship. Single people, never feel bad for fighting a fight that feels good inside your hearts!
Speaking of relationships and internet courtship, a huge pet peeve is ambiguous communi-
cation, and the continuous cowardification of people online. Boys would talk with me, and show
interest in meeting only if my the chances of guaranteeing affection would increase. In other
words…’you’d better not waste my time’. What about taking the time to get to know somebody,
or just doing fun stuff together? As much as I can tell from a person online, they feel different,
much more different in person, talking, feeling, reacting on the spot.

36
 For all the people out there complaining their partner is great, but not providing quite
enough, ask yourselves this: have you given them a chance to be that extra something for you?
Were you willing to see them with that extra pair of eyes? I haven’t met a single man or woman
that was not capable of being everything and doing everything for love: I see great fathers and
mothers in every person I meet, potential for great friends, the deep yearning to be worthy of
being loved and capable of loving, the sparkle in their eyes for naughtiness. It’s in every single
person, it’s not those qualities that are lacking, but the willingness to see them.

Have you ever wondered why so many relationships were so successful in our grandpar-
ents generation, even if many were arranged? Is it because people were so great, or because they
were stuck, or is it because by being committed they were willing to be ‘the one’ and treat the
other to become ‘the one’? We’re not lacking ‘the one’ material in our society, we’re every-
where. We’re lacking the willingness to see ourselves and treat ourselves like that. We’re also
lacking the willingness to help others grow to whatever needs and expectations we have, forget-
ting we didn’t grow as people by ourselves either.

37
Love
For months last year, I became intrigued when people feel loved, so I started asking,
mostly strangers. ‘When do you feel loved?’ An old man on a bus to Seattle, the first one I ever
asked that to, started crying: ‘Besides being a boy with my mom, I don’t remember feeling
loved...’ I thought I hurt him, and I let him be, until at the end of our trip he came to shake my
hand and thanked me. Only he knows what for. An artist confessed she feels loved when she’s
embraced, or sees warm eyes looking back. A writer admitted he feels loved when he loves him-
self. A most gracious dancer said in tears she felt loved when after years spent in bed somehow
she got her health back, that’s why she dances so alive.

Spend some time understanding yourself, when you feel loved. For people in relation-
ships, when does you partner feel loved? You might find out a lot about yourself or understand
when you don’t feel loved, or when you tend to react. Feeling loved is a human thought, little do
to with being love. Yet giving it time and understanding it unveils the humanity of our concepts,
of our mental limitations, our different dictionaries about love, and in the end…makes it much
more easier to become love.

For example, I feel loved whenever someone is interested in me directly, talks to me,
sends me an e-mail, does an activity, uses whatever media to involve me directly. Opposite to
that, I feel unloved whenever there is ambiguity, such as phrases suggesting there might be af-
fection, but maybe it isn’t, missed connections, having their friends interrogate me to figure me
out instead. It’s not that I like certainty, there is no certainty when it comes to human feelings,
as a matter of fact it’s easier to maintain this so called attraction better through mystery and am-
biguity, keeps the mind going, heart beating, yet not fully knowing why. It’s the feeling of being
analyzed, approached like a battle, like a pawn in someone else’s chess board, like an objective
to be deciphered instead of a partner to be known and maybe to enjoy a part of this journey
through life, if not all, together.

38
 A few months ago I sent out a survey to my network asking them five simple questions.
- When do you feel loved?
- When does your partner feel loved?
- How often does your partner initiate the things that make you feel loved?
- How often do you initiate things that make your partner feel loved?
And, the most important one:
- From the things that make YOU feel loved, how often do YOU initiate for others?

I was surprised to read so many answers referring to expectations from partners in giving
love, realization that many were not initiating enough on themselves, and little to nothing of the
things that make them feel loved. As if people that got to know each other at the beginning of a
relationship keep projecting the same ideas about the other throughout, instead of having a con-
tinuous will to know the person next to you, again and again. Are you the same you were in
high-school, in university, before your first kid? Neither am I. What if we’d be willing to under-
stand we’re all changing, and be willing to get to know the people in our lives again and again?
What if we’d take more initiative in doing the things that make us feel loved, that we know
make others feel loved? I’m looking at our journey of love in the past few decades and I won-
der, what would our perception of love be like down the road?

Our species has long evolved beyond just reproduction. We’re overpopulating our small
planet, our core consciousness has evolved as well. The purpose of each connection that we
have for some time now is about love.

39
 What if we’d understand love is our very core as beings, for lack of better words is the
essence of God inside each of us. When we interact with people, our greatest need and desire is
to be able to express the love within us and recognize, receive the love from others. What if
we’d understand this nature of us and start to show love without expecting it, and learn to recog-
nize all the ways people around us give us love, how they know best?

What if instead of pointing fingers that we don’t satisfy each other, that you don’t love
me enough, like I know I deserve…what if instead of all that we’d teach each other greater and
better ways to love each day? What if we’d each seek the love in the other, and not the lack of?
Imagine how our world would look like if we’d all unleash our ability to express all the love we
have inside, and to recognize it in each other! Imagine if we’d take the time to prove to one an-
other we’re capable of pure love! Imagine if we’d prove to ourselves as humanity we are capa-
ble of one thing, what do you think will that do to our will and ability to achieve others, to-
gether? Just imagine how that would ripple into our world!

I don’t know about you, by soul tingles at the very thought of it.

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Relationships
Relationships come from our need to connect with other people, on a constant basis. To
form a comfort zone, where we can live and be ‘ourselves’. It does not matter whether intimate
relationships, friendships, work or family.

In personal/intimate relationships, it took a while to figure out a similar pattern in all the
men I would be interested in or would be interested in me. After the warming up period, when
we would start to like and seem to gravitate towards another, they would take a side of them-
selves to the extremes. I didn’t understand it at the time, and I felt rejected, inadequate, not
enough , I didn’t know it was a cultural communication issue. I thought it was me. The atheist,
changing from normal conversations to burning crosses and religious mockery. A year later, the
Christian, changing a pleasant hiking trip conversation from usual questions about faith to talks
about buying cans and moving to live far away in the forest when the Apocalypse comes. An
entrepreneur that takes his enthusiasm for revolution to the extremes probing me if I will sup-
port these extremes. Each time I was shocked by the position put into, being not that of connec-
tion, but almost verified against a checklist to see if I match. I am a flexible person, I seek the
connecting portal with each person, that’s why they liked me. I didn’t realize at the time that it
was because they were starting to like me, that all the extreme probing took place. I didn’t pay
much attention to the checklist thought, it seemed too cruel for my heart to digest at the time,
and I kept focusing on what I perceived I lacked and tried to better myself as a person and a
woman, so as to meet the ‘right partner’.

Until I started to observe the competition caused by open relationships between men and
women and the changes in behaviour for everyone involved. In order to attract the man’s atten-
tion, women would feel the pressure to become everything he wanted, plus absorb aspects from
the other women, in an attempt to be ‘all that and more’. And because the need to feel love grew
greater with little real fulfillment, easiest way was to turn to devaluing everything else that isn’t
them. She dances? So can I. She takes risks? So am I. She has tattoos, piercings? So will I. She
changes your opinion by showing you how un-wantable X is? So can I about her. I thought this
was a disparate phenomenon until I started seeing it more and more around me.
41
 Since when did we become a checklist to complete, and with a time bomb over our
heads? Become this by week-end, or else…somebody else will. What kind of love is accom-
plished through this? What is the price paid in human hearts and wasted years? The price paid is
that people learn they’re no good enough, those who play those games may get instant pleasure,
but learn quickly to become dissatisfied. It teaches people desperation, since you cannot make a
mistake, there is no tolerance for that. This in times breeds no tolerance for any mistakes in the
people around you, so one person touched by this can perpetuate a learned negative projection
to dozens. It teaches your heart to settle for less and less love, and to express less and less, and
only in demanded formats. It teaches you that love = pain, so if you spend enough time in this
state, later even if you’re alone when you’ll feel the need for love you will tend to default to
pain.

What ever happened to embracing people as they are, and seek the connecting path be-
tween each of us? Nobody says you need to enter or commit yourself to somebody you don’t
envision a life together with. It’s the way we were thought to seek out only certain patterns in
our potential partners that makes us only ‘scan’ for that familiar aspects, gravitate towards
those, and reject the ones unfamiliar. It’s this seek-pattern mentality embedded in our minds that
triggers so many rejection reactions, most times without us even realizing it. It’s going through
the rejection behaviours again and again projected on us by not matching checklists that some
develop doubt, feeling they’re not good enough of a man/woman, not good enough of a partner,
and if repeated long enough, even feeling maybe they don’t deserve love or happiness anyway.

There are many factors that play in forming relationships: common spaces or activities,
timing, common purpose. But beyond that, my main concern is the mindset that we have in ap-
proaching other people. The way we’re forming relationships follows an expectancy formula: I
do something you like, you do something I like. I do you a good service, you do me a good ser-
vice. It’s only fair. Fairness finishes quite soon if one of us stops doing a good service to the
other one. Yet that’s not connecting truly with the other person, it’s not allowing them to be
truly free, is conditioning them to a chained, limited way of expressing their true self. What if
we’d connect with others free of expectation, knowing them because we want to know them,
and understanding instead of reacting whenever our services do not get serviced back?

42
 It’s this getting something back expectancy that causes so much pain and anguish in
our lives. I like you, so you better like me back. If you don’t, I will feel treated unfair and will
react to either ruin your mood, day, self-esteem, or reputation behind your back. I love you, so
you better love me back. And the way I want you to. If you don’t, I will feel treated unfair and
will react to alter your perception of receiving / giving love, or your essence as a being capable
and worthy of love. Give me something back, if not I’ll take it from you! An ego trip, a forced
lied night in your bed, I’d better get something for liking you. It’s only fair according to the
mindset I’ve been inoculated with. And if by some chance you don’t have my mindset, I can
come up with an entire arsenal of emotional blackmail techniques to make you think you’re not
loving enough, you’re not worthy of my ‘love’ enough unless you do as I ask you to.

Girls, be nice. Only be with men that treat you nice, because if not you’ll become dam-
aged goods, they’ll take something away from you that can’t be replaced. Men, stay away from
players. They’ll use your hearts when you dare to open them, and take something away from
you, something that you can’t replace. Hunt innocence, once it’s lost it cannot be replaced. Nur-
ture trust, but once that’s betrayed it can never be recovered, doubt is there to stay. Am I the
only one that sees a pattern here? Protect the good inside of you with your life, because once
something bad touches it you cannot get it back.

I’m trying to figure out, at exactly what point in our evolution did we decide that? When
did we convince ourselves that is the only way? Is that why when misery hits us we are con-
vinced there’s no other way, so we embrace it again and again until it becomes the only familiar
thing we know? If we’re so smart, how come we don’t change that mindset?

Dark, go away. I don’t need you in my life. Regrets, enough. Hush! I will allow myself
the peace of self-forgiveness. Pain, you’re only here because I allowed you inside my mind and
heart. Be gone! I’m not scared of you, and I’m not scared of the emptiness discarding all this
garbage from my life will create. I have plenty of light to fill it with. Love! I want you in my
life! Happiness! I want you in my life! Purpose!...ah, there you are! I want you in my life! Ad-
venture, excitement, creation! I’m bringing you every day in my life!

World, what do you want in your life today? Say it loud, sing it to the mountains, let
your lungs fill and your mind crate your dreams before your very eyes. World, how do you want
your love to be? How do you want your relationships to be? You got it, I don’t want to know
how you see them , but how you’d like them to be, whether you can see It or not! We’re creat-
ing our own future, that’s right!

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The Unicorn Factory debunked
In the past four years I’ve been particularly immersed in seeking the truth. I’ve been for-
tunate enough in my lifetime to experience the trials and tribulations of my parents, one atheist,
one Christian as the wars over righteousness continued. Hearing their sorrows, I got to learn just
how much alike they are. Both thinking they’re right, and the other is wrong. Both justifying
every action on their cause, slowly and surely devaluing the other to obtain some leverage
ground. One using emotional authority, the other emotional weakness to trigger actions. Same
thing. And beyond observing enough patterns to start recognizing and being able to navigate
through it, I was blessed to realize their human nature. Even if one would complain and say it’s
been done injustice by the other, a few hours later I would hear the other one claiming the same
thing, in different words. For years I just tried to comfort, trying to figure out which one is right
after all, and slowly I started to see none is wrong. Both are acting from the warmth of their
heart, expressing their love to the best of their ability and with the (limited) knowledge they had.
This was not a situation of people being mean, or manipulative, this is a situation of love being
stuck in a certain mind frame fighting an entire life to show itself!
After coming to Canada, I happened to enter into an atheist circle of friends, and observe
their concepts, life, love, human interactions, etc. The conversations were interesting, superior-
ity and religious mockery disappointing, fun always available, strong sense of belonging, female
competition felt like a marketplace, I felt a checklist. After a heartbreak, I decided to immerse
myself into the Christian world, and try to experience it for myself. Unaware at the moment, I
was gravitating towards the two familiar worlds from home. I joined the choir, the youth activi-
ties group, the Sunday school, the Faith under Fire programs, and I had a chance to create a
Christian circle of friends, and observe their concepts, interactions, life, love…etc. The conver-
sations were interesting, spiritual superiority and common world dismissal was disappointing,
fun always available, strong sense of belonging, male-female approach felt like a marketplace, I
felt like a checklist. Hmmm… When I decided I didn’t belong there either, it was painful to find
myself with years wasted, no steady community, and wanting so much to belong somewhere yet
feeling there is no place where I belong. Some wasted life, but no problem, you can do it all
again,, girl! Just keep on seeking people like you! People like me? I grew up in an Atheist-
Christian home, and after exhausting both possibilities, I found myself in the dilemma of figur-
ing out who am I first, so I can go back to the conditioned belief of seeking people like me.
Where did that journey lead me? Well…here.
We’re constantly looking for peers, for people ‘like us’. Sometimes we find a group, and
after a while we change and need to find again people ‘like us’. Have you ever thought: if only
there were more people like me? This mentality, combined with the know-it-all attitude of
nowadays makes us analyze everything and everyone, in an attempt to project enough insecurity
in what we don’t like in others and enough coolness in what we want more of. We’re all at-
tempting to change people around us, to be more like ‘us’. The problem is not that isn’t work-
ing, or that people can’t be changed. Of course they can. Have you ever had a cute person smil-
ing at you in the elevator and giggled all day long just at the thought of that? One second, one
smile… a whole day was changed, who knows, maybe even self-esteem or the very hope to find
somebody. Oh yes, the problem isn’t that people can’t be changed, the problem is that they can,
but it backfires.

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 When what you’re feeding in others is not their freedom /free will, but the bending of
their personality to match yours, what you obtain in the end is mutilations of personality/
character. Freedom is hard to teach, even harder to sustain. Because a truly free person might
not stay beside you, might not love you ‘unconditionally’ according to your dictionary, so of
course we’re afraid to teach other freedom, to respect them no matter what. The only thing I can
say from experience is that, after years of watching dozens of people leave when empowered
with their own free will, the satisfaction of a single person (or two or an army or so) choosing to
stay by your side is beyond measure. And is worth every feeling of loneliness that paved the
way.

Everything you do touches others. Question is… how? Do you touch people to match
your insecurities, your given up view of the world, your anger towards past, present, people, fu-
ture? Or do you touch them with the best of yourself? Are you looking to relate with others
seeking your highest potential or are you looking for the lowest common denominator that will
justify and comfort all insecurities?
The more I tried to manufacture unicorns around me, the more I’d see bleeding horses
running wild on fields of horns. There is no Unicorn Factory, as much as our systems try, as
much as we try as individuals with our friends, our families, our communities, our churches, our
interest-groups… every time we want to prove our point. We are all alike and we are all differ-
ent. And the moment I understood it’s not worth trying to change people and could see every
individual by itself, whether they like me or not, whether they want to be with me or not,
whether they’re friends or not… that’s when I realized we were all unicorns in the first place.

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The Saviour Excuse
When I had my first thought of compiling a book with all acquired knowledge, to share
and help people, I quickly dismissed it. Yeah, right, and with this topic. Suuure. Yet the more
events escalated, the more I would experience myself and understand, the more it became a
duty. I started oscillating a lot between extreme states of mind, to the point that I would not feel
mentally sound. This thoughts are incredible, I owe it to the world to share it, these are worth
my very life, I could not live with myself if I did not put these out there! ,o, what am I think-
ing…how can I be so selfish, so attention desperate to think MY contribution is so needed. Who
do you think you are, Anca? Get off the pedestal before you awake in a mental hospital and deal
with real life.

At one moment, firmly convinced it’s just a sign of me derailing, thinking too much, read-
ing too much, and definitely needing attention, I backed out of the thought completely. Only to
feel an incredible external pressure, as if everyone else is expecting some sort of Saviour. It be-
came so great that for a whole day I firmly felt and believed I’m the fifth element, a key link in
our evolution. This explains why I’m fighting lack of purpose, this explains my whole life, I was
born to do this! After one day, both my mind and the belief background started attacking the
very empowering thought. You’re not a missing link, you’re not that important, in fact you’re
pathetic. You refuse to start working and get a direction again and you’re making any excuse to
justify laziness, that’s all. The only big coming can only be the Antichrist, if you’re anything
you’re the evil one honey, not the cool one. Get back to life.

As much as I would smash thoughts against each other in my head, the potential for im-
pact of such thoughts become clearer, while the fear of hurting humanity stays stronger. For a
day and a half I convinced myself I can discard those thoughts completely, minded my life, en-
joyed good food, relaxed, and felt I was getting somewhere (at least definitely healthier).

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 Yet in the back of my mind, I was fighting the external pressure felt to be some sort of
saviour and the internal pressure to be the bringer of doom. One night, crushed at my mind’s
failure to generate solutions, I went for a long windy walk to find a detour solution. I cannot
convince myself I’m not the doom bringer. I must do something to prevent it… shut my mind off
didn’t work, escape…where? Small village, no internet. Am I ready to never see my family
again? and while generating all possible solutions for a paranoid life on the run, I felt I’m miss-
ing something. How come am I the only one who sees that? How come the other ones put the
pressure of being some sort of hope bringer? I already eliminated it in my mind. Oh, how I wish
I were in their place… not to worry about a thing…not deal with loneliness, and feeling so bur-
dened, leashing whatever emotion I feel like on the other, analyze, comment, socialize, be ex-
cited about the latest news without really being worried... and not having to do much, really.
OMG! That’s it! I was right, I am the bait to doom!!! They’re using all this media and a
pumped up prophet to make people willingly give away their power to some web shadow. This
is the biggest brainwashing scheme of all times! And I played all along!

The last thought was so powerful and shocking, I could not stand straight. Conspiracy or
not? I honestly don’t know. But I understood the nature of my thoughts, the nature of my previ-
ous mind, wishing someone else would be the saviour, so I can give away my power and not
have to do much, not have to worry about much. I understood why recycling or sustainability
was never on the conversation topics in church. I understood why everyone else, including my-
self in the past, seeks inspiration, hope, in every source possible but themselves. I understood it
for the first time without sadness for reactions, without the need to judge, analyze or show oth-
ers I’m better than their thoughts of me. I understood the struggle back into weakness and fear,
again and again, once a truly empowering thought appeared. It’s fear of responsibility, of the
burden, of knowing I do have an impact, I do touch people, life, evolution, humanity, and I’d
better wake up. It’s seeing the world as a human, through the eye of God.

I’m not sharing these thoughts to fluff. I’m sharing these thoughts so when they will hit
you, when you will be overwhelmed by doubt of power to the point of insanity … to know
you’re not alone. Dare to send doubt to its origins and embrace your own power.

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Faith in Humanity
I have a question for all thinkers: why do you feel you lose faith in humanity? When you
feel let down, why is it? What causes it? Most cases, watching things done by those around us.
Simple logic carried forward: if we’re losing or gaining faith based on others, could it be that
others do the same thing by observing us? How would you act, when, why… if you were the
person next to you? Not to mention the simplest thought of how about having faith for yourself,
in yourself rather than others?

At a Vandana Shiva event a girl raised in the crowd and asked: how do you keep HOPE?
It was amazing seeing the speaker emanate positivity. Yet even more amazing was the second
before the answer, where the entire room was waiting, breathless, for someone else to share the
hope formula. Personally, I don’t know it. I don’t think Vandana knew it.

When I feel hopelessness approach, I ask myself: if I don’t know to keep the hope,if I
can’t keep hope, how can I possibly expect the one next to me to keep hope?

Hope has a way of being priceless. Especially hope in humanity. These days I see more
and more people adding value to our lives, our journey together, much more than the ones that
are taking it away. We need to add value to ourselves, not take it away. There are still aspects of
our societies that sadden me, questions that come back to the end consumer and each individual.
• How come, if we have ecological products on shelves, people still buy the non-recyclable
ones? We’re devaluing ourselves.
• How come, with all this technology and communication we’re choosing to talk more and
more ambiguous, afraid of our own witch hunts? We’re devaluing ourselves, we’re throw-
ing away our potential as humanity.
• How come, with all this understanding of our spiritual evolution, we’re still keeping pride
and tradition higher than raising the awareness necessary to activate everyone and improv-
ing one little planet? We’re devaluing ourselves.
• How come reasoning and spiritual evolution projects get to fight against something to
prove their existence instead of fighting to achieve something greater with their existence?
We’re devaluing ourselves.
• How come, if we want to last, we don’t build our lives to last? How come we don’t show
any respect for those who last, for our elders. Who wants to think of their future if the
most possible future is in a nursing home or bashed by the ones you sacrificed for? We’re
devaluing our future, we’re devaluing our own reason for being, we’re devaluing our-
selves.
• How come with all the hardships in the past few years we’re still holding to the same prin-
ciples that created the problems, like individualism, and one achieving all? How come in a
group everyone gets to envy the one that managed to go on a trip, instead of everyone in
the group being proud their representative went on a trip and they all got to improve the
roads of a village? We’re devaluing ourselves.
• How come we invest so much in our education only to willingfully waste our minds after-
wards on sites that do not improve us? We’re devaluing ourselves.

We are.
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 What if… we would realize our power? What if we’d really get it? What if we’d really
make more conscious decisions? Shop better. Respect everyone better. Focus on a worthy pur-
pose instead of bringing anything down. It’s easy to bring anything down. Unfortunately you
need to be at the same level or smaller. What if we’d focus our energies on building something
greater?

What if we’d start to add value to ourselves? To our lives, to our elders, to our children,
to our beliefs. Not just my baby, but all. What if we would not have to worry about finding the
meaning of our existence, and worry about creating the best meaning for our existence? We can-
not do it by ourselves, but in order to get there we need to start one by one, from a place of love.

I don’t remember how I got it, but one day I just did. I understood how every quote I
ever read was not only right, but it touches on a specific moment in our evolution. I understood
my power over everything and nothing, a power so great that my mind needs to knee every sin-
gle time the very thought appears. I don’t know what kind of power I’ve been told my entire
life, that corrupts and blinds, I must have learned from an outdated dictionary, but that won’t
make me less cautious. This power humbles my heart every time, knees me into dust only to
raise my body and make it act. And all I can pray for, when I wish love pours overflowing your
heart, when I wish your troubles become bearable, when I wish you’d learn to chase the pain
away, when I wish you’d see love shining inside each of every one of us, when I’d wish you’d
reach to others with your love before anything else, all I can pray for is that you go to your mir-
ror and say this to yourself:
I have unlimited faith in humanity.
I am humanity.

It’s going to be a wonderful day, my friends!

Get ready for lots of sunshine, we’re just dawning!
The love in me salutes the love in all of you.

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Test response = today you could have been better. You CHOSE not to.
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