Hannah Elise Jones

MSOD 612
Post-Session Reflection
November 12, 2016

There were many components of our intensive that I found interesting and inspiring, but the

concept of Whole Person Integration was particularly impactful for me. As I reflect back on my

narrative and the individual events that have shaped me, I see many times where I have allowed my

intellect to lead me, which has created weakness in other dimensions of myself. For this reason, I see the

the SPINE framework as being essential to my development moving forward. I am curious to learn more

about how I can develop all of my dimensions and bring them into greater harmony. While I see many

existing points of integration in myself, I am eager to strengthen them and uncover more, by deepening

my awareness of each dimension and how they relate to one another.

I believe that I can access a deeper understanding of my whole self by strengthening and

experimenting with my spiritual self. I plan to do this with a more focused meditation practice using

guiding questions and being more intentional about tracing my thoughts as they arise. In my current

practice I have been focused primarily on calming my mind, not on exploring it or seeking greater depth.

I believe that adding more intentionality into my practice will allow me to better understand my SPINE

and increase my own level of integration. Key to strengthening my spiritual self is the ability to reflect.

In general I found it easy to reflect while we were at Pajaro. I am a naturally reflective person, so I do

not struggle with considering deep questions, connecting the dots or seeking understanding. However,

there was one component I found challenging that impacted the depth of my reflection. When I had a

preconceived, often logical, understanding or conclusion related to the topic at hand, I struggled to reach

beyond that in my own reflection. Suzanne and my Insight Group helped me to see the limitations of my

reflection if I over-rely on my rationalized understanding, and limit my access to my full SPINE, the

emotional, intuitive, physical and spiritual elements that also shape my experience.
 The second concept that I look forward to integrating in my own development and practice is

genuine inquiry. While I have had many lessons on giving and receiving feedback effectively, our work

around inquiry during our session elevated my understanding of asking helpful questions in service of

discovery and insight. The multiple opportunities we had to see inquiry in action and practice it

ourselves was very helpful in solidifying the concepts and building my own confidence. Through our

Whole Person Awareness work I now have the tools to practice inquiry more intentionally with myself,

and with tools like The Method and Schein’s types of inquiry, I feel more prepared to practice

intentionally with others. I can apply this inquiry with myself through the meditation practice described

above, and with others in both my personal and professional life. I plan to start first with using The

Method as often as I can to better understand the data I am receiving and checking my observations with

others.

In conjunction with practicing different forms of inquiry I would like to further develop the

emotional dimension of my SPINE. While I do not feel that I suppress or ignore my emotions, I could be

learning more from them and using them more intentionally. This has been a significant growth area for

me in the last few years, but I would like to continue to develop it and consistently bring my emotional

self into more areas of my life. I believe a key component of accessing and understanding my emotions

is the practice of inquiry, in this case self-inquiry. To achieve this I plan to pay more attention to my

emotions specifically. I will ask how I am feeling more often and work to recognize when I am taking

actions that run counter to my emotional signals.

This practice highlights the difference I experience between external inquiry and internal inquiry.

I often found it easy to inquire with others while we were at Pajaro, particularly during the Authentic

Collaboration triad exercise we did. I was encouraged by how confident I felt asking questions and using

the new tools I had learned. When we engaged in the exercise I was able to inquire intentionally and

with a sense of empathy. On the other hand, it was challenging to inquire at certain points in our Insight

Group when I wanted to ask a deeper question, but was sensitive to what the individual wanted to share.
There were also many times where I just appreciated listening and being with our group. People were

not shy about practicing inquiry with one another, and often enjoyed playing the observer role, reflecting

on the group process. Occasionally, I had to urge myself out of this space to practice my inquiry and

contribute. Overall, I my experience with using inquiry at Pajaro was positive and I new see many ways

I can continue to practice with myself and others using the tools we learned.

In addition to specific tools and models. the experience of exploring my personal patterns during

our intensive helped me to understand the concepts of SPINE, reflection, inquiry, and integration first-

hand. The behavior pattern I identified and worked with was my maintenance of high standards. This

pattern has gotten me a great deal in life, helping me to excel in my academic, physical, and personal

pursuits. However, this pattern has also created many challenges for me, internally and externally.

Internally, I tend to be incredibly hard on myself if I don’t meet my own standards. Externally, my high

standards can impact my relationships with others who may feel they have to live up to these standards

in order for me to accept them. Before coming to Pajaro I knew this about myself and I had been

working on it, but during our session I gained new insights that helped me understand my pattern and its

source.

First, I was able to connect my high standards to the standards my parents set and held both for

themselves and for me. In my family I never had any feeling of not being good enough and I always felt

loved and supported, but I was encouraged to give my best. I now see that my younger self internalized

this message in an at-times unhealthy manner. Another insight I gained about this pattern came with the

help of Suzanne in our Insight Group, where she coached me to access deep emotions I experienced at a

pivotal time in my life. My pattern of high standards intensified when I transitioned to public school

from private school at the age of eleven. The transition was jarring and totally unexpected. To save

myself from this social pain, I refocused on doing my best in academics. It turns out that I liked

studying, and what began as a coping mechanism became a true strength for me, elevating me to roles of

leadership and responsibility in my communities. During this time my standards increased, partially
because of the goals I set for myself, and partially because of the expectations other placed on me as I

continued to succeed. The more recognition I got, the farther away my insecure self seemed, so the more

threatening it was to acknowledge that it still did exist. The one place that insecurity still thrived was

inside of me, in a dark space of my mind where my self-criticism emerged. In an effort to quiet this

voice, I pushed harder to succeed, again raising my standards, and in many ways unintentionally

projecting them on others. Before Suzanne helped me to access the emotions I had that drove this

evolution, I had never fully understood my pattern beyond its logical progression.

This new understanding of how my pattern developed and why it has been so pervasive in my

life, has allowed me to feel more comfortable with, and as a result more in control of it. Immediately

after Suzanne helped me access the emotions associated with my pattern’s earliest development, I felt

like a new window had been opened in my awareness. In line with Siegel’s “Name it to Tame it” idea, I

feel that I have already gained a great deal more control over my pattern of high standards through this

awareness alone. Moving forward I plan to pay close attention to how this pattern shows up, particularly

in my work with others, and when I do see it, inquire with myself about its origins and how it is serving

me and my relationships. Through this inquiry and reflection I hope to continue developing my

understanding of my own patterns.

All of these experiences contributed to my own understanding of sustainability. Sustainability is

defined as “the ability to be sustained, supported, upheld, or confirmed”1. My experience at Pajaro did

all of that and more. When I consider what strengths I have recognized or reconfirmed in myself as a

result of the session, I think mostly about what brought me here, and what allowed me to succeed when I

arrived. First would be my ability to wonder at the world, both in awe and in critique. I have always

been able to appreciate intricacies, beauty and potential, all of which brought me to my desire to study

people and how they work together. Second, I am reminded of my courage to think deeply. I don’t back

1 "Definition of Sustainability." Dictionary.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 5 Nov. 2016.

away from complexity or ambiguity, because it is what inspires awe in me. This has been true in my life

and proved true during our intensive where I dove in without hesitation. Finally, I reflected on my

ability to engage, with others, with ideas and with myself. I was proud of my high level of engagement

during the session. I was enthralled by the concepts and models, inspired by my conversations with

others, and deeply moved by my own self-exploration.

These three strengths will continue to support me in my life as they did at Pajaro. I believe that

some of the priorities I have created for myself coming out of the session will tap into them and

strengthen them. By focusing on and growing my spiritual self I believe I will further cultivate my sense

of wonder. My new intention of being more deeply in touch with my emotions will strengthen my

courage to think deeply about myself and others. My ability to engage will help me learn and develop in

this program over the next two years, becoming not only an effective OD practitioner, but a more whole

and integrated version of myself. This increased self-sustainability will impact my communities by

making me a better contributor, brining more of my whole and authentic self into my work. Through this

process I look forward to continuing to be a present and engaged cohort member, who thinks deeply

about our work. If this experience is any indication of what is to come, I am confident that I cannot

predict how I will evolve through this program. However, I am confident that this program will

strengthen my own self-awareness in ways that make me better, for myself and for all of the

communities I am a part of.