Clut1erbuck

Ass ciates

How to be a Great M Jntee

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without permission

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www. clutterbuckassociates. co. uk
Ciuuerbuck
Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

Contents

So what is mentoring? 1
Mentoring versus other forms of development 2

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Two schools of mentoring 2
The core of developmenta l mentoring 3
What should you expect of your mentor? 4
What should your mentor expect of you? 7
The benefits of mentoring
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8
Formal versus informal mentors: which work best? 9

1 Managing the relationship 10

Core skills of being a mentee 11
Toxic Mentee 12
J How good a mentee are you? 13
What do I want to get out of mentoring? 14
J Thinking about careers ... 16
Finding the right mentor for you 17
- J Troubleshooti ng checklist 18
The special case of e-mentoring 20
Key questions 21
Sources of further information 22

- J
Frustration/el ation log 25
Meeting Jog 27

Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2004 Clutterbuck Associates
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 How to be a Great Mentee

So what is mentoring?
Having a mentor can be one of the most powerful developmental relationships you will
ever experience. For example, four out of five chief executives say that having a mentor
was one of the keys to their success. Yet you don't have to be an aspiring executive to
benefit from mentoring. Hundreds of thousands of people from all walks of life ancl at
all stages of their careers are able to point to deep, personalised learning they have
obtained from a developmental relationship with someone of substantially greater expe-
rience, who has taken a direct interest in them.

Hoving a mentor can be one of the most powerful

developmental relationships you will ever experience.
J
Powerful, often transformational mentoring relationships have helped young graduates
find their feet in an organisation, helped mothers of young children return to work, br
enabled young offenders to turn their lives around. People coming up to retirement
have been eased through this difficult time, by tapping into the experience of others,
who have been through it already. In short, mentoring can help anybody, who has a
major transition to make in his or her life, whoever or wherever they are.

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Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 1
How to be a Great Mentee

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Mentoring versus other forms of development
Mentoring is often confused with coaching, or teaching, or counsel ling. In practice, a
mentor may draw on all of these approaches, but they are not the same as mentoring,
as the chart below indicates.

Task and Knowledge/ Building

performance information capability

Giving feedback Helping learner

Instructing/ Listening,
on observed discover their
explaining questioning
performance own wisdom

Sets or Helping the Works with

suggests goals Passing a test person cope learner's own
for the learner on their own goals

Relatively high,
often becoming
Moderate Low Low
a strong
friendship

One-way One-way One-way Two-way

Good mentors are characterised by their ability to provide the right kind of help when it
·s needed. They also view the mentoring relationship as one where they can learn, too.

(:hecklist: What sort of help do I need?

You will find a mentor of greatest help, if you:

• Need to understand things that aren't easily explained in a book or manual (eg how
the politics work in the company)
~I
• Are willing to be stretched and challenged, as well as supported, in achieving
personal goals

e See t he value of tapping into someone else's wider/greater experience

., Are prepared to work with t he mentor to develop mut ual new learning

r Want to develop a whole range of additional learning resources for yourself, through
...
more effective networking

Have long term goals, which will require you to grow in many ways, some of which
r may not be immediately clear.

Two schools of mentoring

Structured mentoring, in which people are encouraged and suppot1ed in developing
and sustaining mentoring relationships, emerged as an important movement in the early
1970s, in the United States. This early model was aimed primarily at high-flying young
men in business organisations and emphasised the role of the mentor as sponsor and
!Protector of the younger person's career. In this approach, the junior partner in the
relationship is typically described as a protege - someone to be protected . Clutterbuck

~
Associates
® 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

When the concept spread to Europe a decade later, it very quickly changed to one,
which emphasised empowering people to take charge of their own development ~nd
career momentum. In this approach, the mentor's accumulated experience and wisdom
is not necessarily passed on directly- it provides a background, from which the
mentee builds their own. Mentors also expect to extract significant learning from tile
relationship, too. The less experienced partner is typically referred to as the mentee -
although a variety of other terms, such as mentoree are also used. European , or devel-
opmental mentoring is now the most common approach in the rest of the world, ' fd is
gradually establishing itself in the United States.

These two philosophies of mentoring still compete today. Most research into men~oring
tends to be based on the original US approach- so if you are looking to be a me1tee
rather than a protege, take care in interpreting any further reading you may access!

This booklet is written primarily from a developmental mentoring standpoint.

The core of developmental mentoring

Developmental mentoring helps people through significant transitions in their lives. It is
1 characterised by:

• A need by the mentee to achieve some form of change - for example, in their ability,
their understanding, or their circumstances

,. A high level of trust and openness, which allows mentor and mentee to address
difficult, sometimes uncomfortable issues
1
·' • Being out of the authority line: mentoring relationships do not develop easily
between parent and child, boss and direct report, or, say, ex-offender and probption
officer. Effective mentoring relationships usually require the mentor to have little, if
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J any, power over the mentee, or direct interest in their success

• Generosity on the part of the mentor, in their time, energy and interest in the
development of someone else (this is a voluntary activity, on both sides)

• Recognition of the value of learning together, even though mentor and mentee may
have very different levels of experience.

Two schools of coaching

In recent years, coaching has also come to be applied to a style of helping, which
bears a lot of similarities to mentoring. In this model, sometimes called developmental
coaching to distinguish it from traditional approaches, coaches help people to wor~
things out for themselves, using questions that stimulate thinking. (You can find a ~ore
detailed description of all four styles coaches may adopt in the booklets How to be a
great coach and How to be a great coachee.) The role of the development coach is
much narrower than that of a mentor, however, in that he or she is not also expectEfd,
for example, to be a role model, to give direct advice when appropriate, or to help the
other person develop their networks.

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Chitterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 3
!pow to be a Great Mentee

lhat should you expect of your mentor?

In effective developmental mentoring relationships, the mentee should expect:
j Empathy - while the mentor may not have experienced exactly the issues that you
I face, he or she should demonstrate an interest in you and your development and a
willingness to understand things from your point of view

, Constructive challenge/ stretching- your mentor will , when appropriate, push you
to think deeper, address uncomfortable issues and set higher ambitions for yourself.
Many female mentees, in particular, report that their mentor encouraged them to go
for and achieve promotions they thought were out of their reach

Your mentor will, when appropriate, push you to think deeper.

address uncomfortable Issues and set higher ambitions for yourself

• Sharing experience - your mentor should use his or her own experience to provide
1
guidance and advice; equally, however, they will be conscious that what was right
for them, may not be the best solution for you. Holding back on talking about their
experience is something many mentors find difficult, but they should be aware that
the important outcome is that you should find a route forward that you feel
comfortable with.

• Confidentiality - what is said between mentor and mentee is fully confidential,

except in very special circumstances that may be defined by the programme or
by law

• Friendship -your mentor doesn't have to be your greatest friend ever. But they do
need to offer you respect, trust and a degree of liking. It's hard to be fully open with
someone you don't feel comfortable with

• Help in understanding how the organisation works - your mentor's greater

experience and knowledge of people in the organisation can be critical in helping
you achieve your personal goals

Cl utterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great J entee

e Help in building networks - whether you are trying to get on the career ladden to
move up it, or you simply want to be more effective where you are, you need a
variety of sources of help. Your mentor can be an important gateway to these, E?ither
making introductions or helping you identify and contact people, who will be helpful
to you.

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Extensive networks are essential if you
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J are to manage your own career.
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• Sounding board - whenever you need to make a difficult decision, or rehearse a

difficult conversation, your mentor can help you think it through
-.. • Listening- sometimes mentors help just by being there, when you need someone
to talk to, who isn't directly involved in t he issue.

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Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 5
How to be a Great Mentee

The mentee should NOT expect:

• Sponsorship -- someone to put you forward for plum assignments, take your part
in discussions about your career, and so on

• Protection - shielding you from learning from your mistakes; intervening in the
relationship between you and your boss/ teacher or other authority figure

• Hands-on coaching - doing your line manager's job

• Therapy - digging deeply into psychological and personality issues

• Social work- sorting out personal problems for you

• A guru to follow - mentors should be human, too!

l
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~ ~
Clutterbuck
Associates
~ 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

What should your mentor expect of you?

The mentor deserves the mentees respect and consideration and both will be needed,
if the relationship is to work well. In particular, the mentee should:

• Recognise that the mentor's time and energy are precious, and should be
used wisely

• At the same time, recognise that the greatest compliment to the mentor is to m ke
use of their experience and wisdom- so don't be afraid to ask for a reasonable
amount of their time

• Prepare thorough ly for mentoring sessions -think through how to make use of tpe
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learning opportunity

• Be prepared to challenge the mentor constructively - don't take everything the I

mentor says for granted. Much of the value of the relationship for the mentor lies in
the intellectual dialogue

• Listen to the mentor's views, but make their own mind up about what to do

• Offer the mentor honest feedback about the nature and quality of the help the
mentee receives. (This is especially important if the relationship is not working and
needs to be changed.)

• Be prepared to take over most of the management of the relationship

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Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 7
How to be a Great Mentee

Benefits of mentoring
Effective mentoring benefits everyone involved - the mentee and mentor, the organisa-
tion and the mantee's line manager, in the employment context. Much the same is true
in a community context, where there are major benefits for society from helping people
overcome disadvantage and disaffection.

~or the mentee, mentoring provides a safe haven to explore personal, work and career
issues. The mentor provides a sounding board for difficult decisions, an independent
v·ew to put things into perspective, someone to encourage you when things aren't
going well and sometimes a role model for some of the personal goals you want to
~chieve. Mentees typically progress faster in organisations and develop wider skill sets
than unmentored colleagues.

or the mentor, mentoring is a great opportunity to develop the skill of developing oth-
ers, away from the confines of his or her own team. It is also one of the few opportuni-
ties for the mentor to take reflective time out during the working day. Working with the
mentee's issues often leads the mentor to valuable insights about relationships with
their own team. When asked for what they have gained from the relationship, mentors
most commonly talk of intellectual challenge, of learning, and of the simple satisfaction
at seeing someone else progress.

For the organisation, mentoring contributes significantly to the attraction and retention
of talent. People, who have mentors, are less likely to leave the organisation, or at least
likely to stay much longer. Various studies indicate, for example, that salespeople with
mentors sell on average 20% more in their first year with an organisation. Having a
mentoring programme also contributes to the organisation's reputation as a caring,
people-centred employer.

T ere are benefits for the mentee's line manager, too. Mentees are able to take issues
regarding their manager and/or their colleagues to the mentor and discuss how they
can improve relationships in the team. The mentor also helps the mentee deal with neg-
ative feedback in a constructive manner- it's often easier to talk through such issues
with someone, who isn 't involved.

Clutterbuck
Associates
8 @ 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mr:ntee

Formal v informal mentoring relationships

Which is best? A relationship set up and supported by your employer, or one where you
and your mentor come together informally?

The advantages of an informal relationship are that it is likely to be stronger and h'lve a
deeper element of friendship. Some studies also suggest that the quality of the mentor-
ing is likely to be higher. The disadvantages include:

e It is much more difficult to find a suitable mentor, if you come from a disadvantaged
group (mentors tend to choose people like themselves first)

~ There is typically less clarity of purpose - relationships often drift into simple
friendships, because neither party is clear what they want to achieve from meeting

o Informal mentors are typically untrained, operating on instinct, rather than skill, so
they are likely to emphasise advice giving, rather than helping the mentee work
-' things out for themselves

-:;-
] • There are no opportunities for mentors to support and learn from each other (the
same applies to mentees, too)

The most fruitful mentoring relationships are often informal ones, where mentors a~ d
1 mentees have both previously had positive experience of formal mentoring.

] If you are a first-time mentee, it may be best to seek a formal programme, where you
will have some training in how to behave as a mentee and what to expect from the
relationship.

--I
J

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Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 9
 How to be a Great Mentee

flanaging the relationship

taking charge of the relationship is often difficult, especially if your mentor is consider-
ably senior to you. Some practical hints for doing so are:

• Maintain a personal log of things that have pleased and frustrated you in your work.
Before meeting with your mentor, review this log and look for patterns in what has
gone well or badly. If appropriate, share the contents of your log with your mentor,
so s/he can help identify recurrent patterns

• Be considerate of the mentor's time, but try to pencil into the diary enough time to
meet at least four times a year (up to 12 is considered reasonable in most
programmes) for at least an hour. As a general rule, mentoring meetings that last
less than an hour do not get into sufficient depth; those that last more than two
hours are likely to be insufficiently focused.

• Provide the mentor with a short agenda a few days before the meeting , so s/he
can prepare

• Come prepared with the examples and data you need, to explain your issue. Think
through what you want to achieve from each meeting and how you want the mentor
to help. Share these expectations with your mentor

Make a point of telling your mentor what you are getting out of the relationship -
s/he may not realise how you are benefiting from the discussions

• If the relationship is not working for you, have the courage to discuss with the
mentor what is missing. If you are in a formal programme, you may wish to rehearse
this discussion with someone else - for example, with the programme co-ordinator

• Use the opportunity to observe your mentor in the role - consciously to absorb
behaviours that will make you an effective mentor in due course

Cluttel'buck
Associates
© 2005 Clvtterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee
L

Core skills of being a mentee

You will get the most out of the mentoring relationship if you:

• Know what you want to achieve through the relationship (what personal transitions
do you want to make?

• Demonstrate enthusiasm and interest

• Respect the mentor for his or her experience and who they are, but not uncritically

• Listen carefully; take notes, as appropriate

• Demonstrate integrity and openness; be honest with yourself as well as with

your mentor

Demonstrate integrity and openness:

be honest with yourself as well as with your mentor

• Use frequent questions to get the mentor to explain in more detail, when appropriate

• Be prepared to explore some issues, that take you beyond your comfort zones

• Reflect between meetings on what you have learned in your discussion with
your mentor

• Make sure the mentor understands what sort of help you need
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• Accept criticism gracefully; take it seriously

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Clutterbuck
Associates
ICl 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 11
How to be a Great Mentee

TWELVE HABITS OF THE TOXIC M ENTEE

1. Bring to the first formal meeting a long shopping list of things you want the
mentor to do for you

2. Expect the mentor to be available for you, whenever you want them (heroes
never need sleep!)

3. Regard the mentor as your prime source of gossip to pass on

4. Expect the mentor always to have the answer - that's why they are more
senior

5. Expect the mentor to decide when to meet and what to talk about

6. Boast about the relationship to your colleagues at every opportunity

7. Never challenge what the mentor says - s/he is paid to know best

8. Blame the mentor whenever advice doesn't work out - s/he should have
known better

9. Treat mentoring sessions as mobile -the easiest item in the diary to move
at the last minute

10. Enjoy the opportunity to have a good moan or whinge, whenever you meet
- especially if no-one else will listen to you

11. Make it clear to the mentor that you want to be just like them - adopt their
style of speaking, dress and posture

12. Never commit to doing anything as a result of the mentoring session. If, by
accident, you do, simply forget to follow the commitment up. 0fVhy spoil the
fun of discussion with outcomes?)

Clutterbuck
Associates

12 @ 2005 Clutterbuck Associates

 How to be a Great Mentee

How good a mentee are you?

Answer each question according to the scoring instructions and add the scores.

Scoring instructions:

4 = I agree strongly
3 = I agree on the whole
=
2 I disagree on the whole
1 = I disagree strongly

1. I am excited by the possibilities of the mentoring relationship

2. I recognise that it's up to me to drive the relationship

3. I want my mentor to enjoy the relationship and learn from it, too

4. I look forward to each session with my mentor

5. I take time to prepare for each meeting

6. I am open and honest in exploring issues with my mentor

1. I am prepared to challenge constructively and be challenged in turn

8. I am prepared to commit to personal change

9. I make my mentor aware of how much I appreciate what s/he does

10. I look forward eventually to becoming a mentor in my turn

Score
1 If you scored 35 or above, you are likely to make a natural mentee. Twenty five to
35, you will need to work to make this relationship deliver as much as it could.
Below 25, are you sure you rea/fy want a mentor, or would some other form of
development be more suitable?

Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 13
How to be a Great Mentee

~nswering the following questions will help you clarify your goals from mentoring.

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What do you want to become, that is different from how you are now?
more confident, more senio•; more aware, more capable?)

Where are you starting from? (Be honest about your current state.)

What specific changes do you want to see in:

~ Your understanding? .
• Your attitudes and behaviours?
• Your competence?
~ How others perceive you?
How you feel about yourself?

flow do you personally define success? (See the exercise below.)

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How will you know if you've achieved your goals?

What milestones can you set in between?

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What sort of help would you find most useful?

, Advice and guidance

j A sounding board
~ Building better networks
, Assistance in building a career plan
• A role model to observe
Friendship
Constructive challenge
A different perspective

Ciutterbuck
Associates
-d © 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

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How committed are you to these goals?

Defining success

A generic definition of success is achieving what you value. Think about what you value
when you divide 10 points (no fractions) between the following four common markers
of success. Which matter most to you?

• Money

- • Status
• Job satisfaction
• Work/life balance

There are no "right" answers, but you will find that how you rank these success mark-
ers will have a significant influence on how committed you are to the goals you set for
l yourself.

..,..

Clutterbuck
Associates
r @ 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 15
How to be a Great Mentee

....

rt"hinking about careers ...

Your personal development objectives and your career objectives are likely to be very
closely linked. It's hard to get where you want to in terms of the job you do and the
seniority you acquire, if you don't enhance your skills and experience. Equally, it's hard
to get the experience you need, if you are not making career progress.

You will find that you get more out of the mentoring relationship, if you think about:

How you make career decisions

How your mentor can help you make career transitions easier ....
Laking career decisions: a helpful exercise

Think back to several years, perhaps to when you were at school. Try to identify the
critical points, where you had to make choices. (For example, what to study at
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University; or which employer to go to for your first job.)

Now consider the quality of those decisions:

• Did you take sufficient time to weigh up the pros and cons of taking this path?
• Did you feel confident at the time it was the right decision?
• Did you have the benefit of good advice from other people, who you trusted?
• Did you have a sufficient range of alternative choices?
• On reflection, was it a good choice?
• What guidance might have helped you make a better choice?

Now consider: .-
What can you learn from these examples, which will help you make better decisions
at future career crossroads?

1
What help would you value?

uilding networks

L tensive networks are essential if you are to manage your own career. It's not just who
you know that matters; it's who knows you. Your mentor can be a superb gateway to all
sorts of people and resources, who can be helpful in your career.

Don't just rely on your mentor making introductions, however. Use your mentor to help
you think through:

• what sort of networks you need

• who should be in them
• how you can best make contact with those people
• how you can maintain relationships with a wider network of useful people

Clutterbucl·
Associates
16 ® 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

Finding the right mentor for you

If you are in an organisation that has a formal mentoring programme, for which you are
eligible, finding a mentor should be easy. You will need, however, to be very clear in
your own mind about what sort of mentor you want and why; and to make the schkme
co-ordinator aware of your expectations.

If you are a member of a professional organisation, then this may well have a
programme. Many institutes (in accounting, health services, engineering, the Law nd
general management, for example) have mentoring programmes aimed at:

1. Students working towards full membership

2. Members working towards fellowship or chartered status
3. Continuous professional development
4. Promotion of groups disadvantaged by gender, race or other factors

Many universities and schools also run mentoring programmes for specific groups of
students. Information is usually available through student offices, tutors or school I
administration departments. Similarly, community mentoring programmes, such as
those run by Business in the Community, can often be found locally.

But what if there isn't a relevant mentoring network immediately available? Or the
programme in your organisation is of poor quality? Then you will have to find your own
mentor. Key steps in doing so are:

• Establish in your own mind what sort of person you would like as your mentor. Talk

-;-
] your ideas through with someone you have confidence in

• Think about who you know already. Would one of them be appropriate? Or can they
] perhaps point you onwards to someone else more suitable?

• Join any clubs, societies or institutions you can, where you are likely to meet
potential mentors

• When you identify someone who might fit the role, have the courage to approach
them directly and explain what you are trying to achieve. Most people are flattered
and will be happy to have a brief initial discussion along the lines of "Can I talk with
you about the kind of person I'm looking for and how I'm going to find them?"

• Demonstrate enthusiasm - show that finding the right relationship is important

-. to you.

e Take time to think about whether this potential mentor is really the person you need
- don't just jump for the first person, who shows an interest. Make sure you botln
begin the relationship on the understanding that it is on a probationary basis.

• Don't give up, if you don't find the right person quickly- perseverance pays

• Don't be surprised at how willing most people are to say yes, when they unders and
what is wanted of them!

Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 17
How to be a Great Mentee
rroubleshooting checklist
The following checklist covers some of the most frequent problems mentees report in
their relationships with mentors.
My mentor won't stop talking
We seem t o have run out of steam
Meetings keep getting postponed
18
Assuming your mentor has sufficient relevant
experience to understand and empathise with
your issues, s/he ought to be able to explore
them in depth with you. Ask them to help you
analyse what is happening and/or to identify a
range of alternative solutions. Make sure you
provide them w ith information about what you
want to discuss a few days ahead of the
meeting, so they have time to prepare.
S/he hasn't got the point of what the
relationship is all about. Effective mentors
rarely talk for more than 20% of the time.
Make your concerns clear and suggest that
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they either enrol on a training course or read
an appropriate manual. If they react badly,
you'll probably be better off finding
another mentor!
Did you have clear objectives from the
relationship in the first place? If you did, and
you have achieved them, then this is a good
point to review whether it is time to:
• wind the relationship up and celebrate its
success, or
• set a new goal to work towards
If you didn't set clear goals, then the
relationship is probably drifting aimlessly.
You and the mentee must decide whether
it has the potential to be truly beneficial, or
you should wind it up.
How committed are you and the mentor to
the process? Have you told the mentor how
much you are benefiting from the meetings?
(One of the most common causes of this
problem is that the mentor thinks slhe isn't
being much help.)
In addition, you may find it helps to move
some of the exchanges between you and your
mentor to telephone calls and/or e-mail
discussion.
Clutterbuck
Associates
~ 2005 Clutterbuck Associ<ltes
 How to be a Great Mentee

We don't seem to have much rapport Some relationships never get off the grouhd ,
because the personalities of the mentor and
mentee clash. However, effective mentees can
reduce the impact of personality clash by:

• recognising the value of a very differen

perspective
• openly exploring with the mentor wher9
they are different and what that means in
practical terms (both completing and
sharing a personality diagnostic, such as
Myers Briggs can be very revealing)

The key is to confront the lack of rapport and

try to work together to resolve it. If you find,
however, that you have such different values
you can't work together, then admit defeat
gracefully and agree mutually to withdraw
from the relationship.

] My mentor expects too much of me Remind him or her that it is your goals th~ two
of you should be working with. But be open to
the possibility that the mentor may be rig~t in
encouraging you to aspire to greater things.

-.
Clutterbuclc
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 19
'!ow to be a Great Mentee

...
The special case of e-mentoring

~
u
will almost certainly conduct some of your communication with your mentor
rough e-mails, conference calls or some other form of electronic communication.
orking w ith these media requires a different, in many ways more d ifficult approach
than meeting face to face. Some of the useful guidelines gleaned from the experience
dt seasoned e-mentees include:

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,....

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You will almost certainly conduct some of your communication with your mentor
through e-mails, conference calls or some other form of electronic communication.

1. Preparation: It's critical for the mentee to think through exactly what they need
from the mentor in advance, and to send some initial thoughts a day or
two before

Best results come when mentor and mentee can be on-line at the same time, for

~:
at least some of the dialogue

If it's possible to have a video camera connection and audio as well, that makes
for a much more intimate dialogue

J E-mentoring dialogue can continue after the main discussion. Indeed, it may
benefit the mentee to break up the dialogue into several chunks so that s/he can
gather information. take time to reflect, or go consult others
I To compensate for lack of visual and/or auditory clues to what is going on in the
mentor's mind , you should be prepared to recap, frequently

The style of communication has to be appropriate. Both mentors and mentees

may need to learn how to "muse" in text without rambling.

When not communicating simultaneously, take the time to think about the
impression the mentor will gain from what you intend to say

J. Be prepared to spend some time at the beginning of each session, re-establishing

rapport - show you are interested in them as a person

J. Be especially clear about what kind of help you are looking for - advice? know-
how? connections? testing your thinking?

10. Give enough detail of the situation for the mentor to understand and ask pertinent -.l
questions, but not so much that they drown in detail
Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Ctutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

The most frequently asked questions about n1entoring

1. What's the difference between coaching and mentoring? Coaching is primarily
about performance and the development of specific skills. Mentoring is much more
broadly based and intuitive, focusing on developing capability and often includes
longer term help in career self-management.

2. How long should a mentoring session last? Between one and two hours, typically

3. How frequently should we meet? At least once a quarter, with telephone or e-mail
contact in between. If you meet very frequently, the mentor is likely to become too
hands on, or to feel imposed upon. Use common sense to agree at the start a
balance that suits the two of you, but be prepared to review that agreement if t ere
is a radical change of circumstances.

4. Where is the best place to meet? Where mentor and mentee both feel able to
relax, yet be business-like in their discussions. The mentor's office is usually not a
good idea, especially if the mentor is significantly more senior. It can be even more
threatening to meet in the mantee's working area. In general, a neutral, private
space is usually best.

5. How long should a mentoring relationship last? Some last for many years,
perhaps a lifetime. However, most people outgrow their mentor and this is generally
a good thing for both people. It is usually considered best practice to set an
expected end date for the relationship, to provide some sense of pace. However,
many mentoring pairs set new goals and continue, sometimes several times over.

-: 6. Can I have more than one mentor a t a time? Yes. It's rare for formal programmes
to allocate more than one mentor to the same person, simultaneously - there usually
aren't enough willing and capable mentors to go around. However, there is nothing
to prevent you from seeking another, informal mentor, or even several of them. Many
successful people point to having a succession of mentors as a critical part of their
development.

7. Do I have to really like my mentor? It helps, and the relationship won't go far, lf
you can't stand each other. However, formal mentoring is often seen as a
"professional friendship" ; the key is that you respect each other and make the effort
to understand each other. Many deep friendships have developed from mentoring
relationships where the two parties were initially unsure about each other.

-:

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7
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Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 21
ttow to be a Great Mentee

rources of further information

Books

tn
b arter, Stephen,
Essential Guide to Mentoring, Institute of Management, Northants, 1994

p utterbuck, David,
Everyone Needs a Mentor, CIPD, 1985, 4th edition 2004

L utterbuck, David,
Learning Alliances, Institute of Personnel & Development, 1998

L utterbuck, David & Megginson, David,

rentoring in action, Kogan Page, 1995

z utterbuck, David, & Megginson, David,

I en toring Executives & Directors, Butterworth Heinemann, 1999

<Diutterbuck, David & Klasen, Nadine,

fmplementing Mentoring Schemes, Butterworth Heinemann 2001
I
<plutterbuck, David and Ragins, Belle Rose,
Ment-oring
I
and Diversity: An international Perspective
f utterworth-Heinemann, Oxford, 2002

~lutterbuck, David and Lane, Gill,

~he Sit uational Mentor Gower, Aldershot, 2004

t anweii-Ward, Jane, Bossons, P and Gover, Susan (2004)

. entoring: A Henley Review of Best Practice Palgrave, Basingstoke
1
!pay, Julie,
yansformational Mentoring, McGraw Hill, 1995

MacGregor, Linda,
Mentoring: the Australian experience, EMC Conference, 1999
I
l?arsloe, Eric,
t oaching, mentoring and assessing, Kogan Page, 1gg2

Websites

l ww.clutterbuckassociates.co.uk

l ww.mentorsforum.co.uk

f ww.coachingnetwork.org.uk

www.emccouncil.org

Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 How to be a Great Mentee

About Clutterbuck Associates

Clutterbuck Associates operates at the leading edge of thinking and good practicf in
coaching and mentoring, helping organisations of all kinds across the world desig and
implement practical and sustainable programmes.

- Other titles in this series

How to be a great coachee

How to be a great mentor

How i'o be a great coach

About the author

David Clutterbuck pioneered the concept of structured mentoring in Europe in the

1970s. A prolific researcher and writer, he is author or co-author of more than 40
L books, including the classic Everyone needs a mentor, now in its 4th edition. Other
relevant titles include: Mentoring in Action (with David Megginson), Mentoring
executives and directors (with David Megginson), Learning Alliances, Mentoring
L
and diversity Implementing Mentoring Schemes (with Nadine Klasen) and I
Techniques in coaching and mentoring (forthcoming, with David Megginson an~
Jenny Sweeney). David co-founded the European Mentoring & Coaching Council, with
its annual conference and mentoring library, and is visiting professor and member of
L the Mentoring and Coaching Research Group at Sheffield Hallam University. An active
mentor himself, he fives and works in Berkshire, England.

He can be contacted at info@clutterbuckassociates .co.uk or +44 (0) 1628 661667

www.clutterbuckassociates .co.uk

Cluuerbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates 23
'I

=
 How to be a Great Mentee

About Clutterbucl< Associates

Clutterbuck Associates operates at the leading edge of thinking and good practice In
coaching and mentoring, helping organisations of all kinds across the world design and
implement practical and sustainable programmes.

Other titles in this series

How to be a great coachee

How to be a great mentor

How to be a great coach

About the autf1or

l
David Clutterbuck pioneered the concept of structured mentoring in Europe in the
] 1970s. A prolific researcher and writer, he is author or co-author of more than 40
books, including the classic Everyone needs a mentor, now in its 4th edition. Other
relevant titles include: Mentoring in Action (with David Megginson), Mentoring
executives and directors (with David Megginson), Learning Alliances, Mentoring
I
and diversity Implementing Mentoring Schemes (with Nadine Klasen) and
Techniques in coaching and mentoring (forthcoming, with David Megginson and
Jenny Sweeney). David co-founded the European Mentoring & Coaching Council, with
its annual conference and mentoring library, and is visiting professor and member of
the Ment oring and Coaching Research Group at Sheffield Hallam University. An actiYe
mentor himself, he lives and works in Berkshire, England.

He can be contacted at info@clutterbuckassociates.co.uk or +44 (0) 1628 561667

www.clutterbuckassociates.co. uk

Clutterbuck
Associates
© 2005 Clutterbuck Associates
 ·- --· I

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