Press J to jump to the feed.

Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard

shortcuts

Search r/AskReddit
LOG IN
SIGN UP

User account menu

PostsRelated SubredditsGildedWikiSecret

Join the discussion

BECOME A REDDITOR

50

Posted byu/INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
1 year ago
Reddit, what is your favorite Copypasta?
75 Comments
Share

Save

78% Upvoted
This thread is archived
New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast
SORT BY

BEST

level 1
MadLintElf
81 points
�
1 year ago
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I�ll have you
know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I�ve been involved in
numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I�m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces.
You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with
precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the
Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of
spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare
for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call
your life. You�re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you
in over seven hundred ways, and that�s just with my bare hands. Not only am I
extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of
the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could
have known what unholy retribution your little �clever� comment was about to bring
down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn�t, you
didn�t, and now you�re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all
over you and you will drown in it. You�re fucking dead, kiddo.

Share
Report
Save

level 2
ShowMeTheRick
23 points
�
1 year ago
Did you just think that you could fucking fool me with that comment of yours? I've
searched your name up in the Navy SEAL database and you have never even graduated
BUD/S, hell, even served in the Armed Forces. If you were actually a Navy SEAL,
then you actually know how to spell guerrilla, you fucking moron. And you say you
are the top sniper in the entire US Armed Forces and have over 300 confirmed kills.
If that were true, then why the fuck is Chris Kyle a household name and you aren't?
And plus he only had 160 kills. You think you can get away with saying that shit to
me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. Plus why the fuck would you say you have
a secret network of spies yet you just revealed that you had your secret network of
spies? Are you a fucking idiot? If you can kill someone seven-hundred different
ways, then list them all, I bet you can't even come up with seven. And if you had
access to the entire US Marine Corps arsenal, then why the fuck did you just say
you were in the Navy SEALs earlier? If only you could have done your research prior
to posting your little �clever� comment, maybe you would have held your fucking
tongue. But you couldn�t, you goddamn idiot.

Share
Report
Save

level 3
TLoko
4 points
�
1 year ago
I need to know, where do these two come from?

Share
Report
Save

level 4
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
2 points
�
1 year ago
Like many of the best older memes, it comes from one of the Chans.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/navy-seal-copypasta

Share
Report
Save

level 2
AndyWinchester
3 points
�
1 year ago
A couple of years ago, some kid translated this to Spanish (Latin America; of
course the slang was adapted for mexicans) and everybody lost their minds, from
people making fun of him to actually bullying him on the internet. His mother had
to intervene and clarify that everything was just a joke.

Link in English (just skip to the Richi Phelps paragraph)

Link in spanish

Share
Report
Save

level 3
MadLintElf
2 points
�
1 year ago
Thanks, someone just asked about it's origin and I didn't know, now I do.

Share
Report
Save

level 4
AndyWinchester
2 points
�
1 year ago
You're welcome :)

Share
Report
Save

level 2
[deleted]
3 points
�
1 year ago
Gorilla lol

Share
Report
Save

level 2
flimflammedbyzimzam
2 points
�
1 year ago
How did this start?
Share
Report
Save

level 3
MadLintElf
1 point
�
1 year ago
Someone posted it when I first got into the Century Club (over 100K Karma) when I
introduced myself.

Just saved it to a text file and paste it whenever someone asks for copypasta.

Share
Report
Save

level 3
MadLintElf
1 point
�
1 year ago
Actually found the origin thanks to another commenter.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/navy-seal-copypasta?full=1

Share
Report
Save

level 1
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
59 points
�
1 year ago
gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I
turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not
answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has
drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain
eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

Share
Report
Save

level 2
sirzotolovsky
24 points
�
1 year ago
Holy fuck I've never seen this one, Prego was to be taken literally

Share
Report
Save

level 3
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
10 points
�
1 year ago
It's one of the better 4chan greentexts from years and years ago.

Share
Report
Save

level 3
humma__kavula
7 points
�
1 year ago
�
edited 1 year ago
Sticking my noodle in her.

Got a glassy, jarred look on her face.

Things start to get saucy.

Share
Report
Save

level 4
sirzotolovsky
6 points
�
1 year ago
Fuck me that went under the radar

Share
Report
Save

level 4
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
3 points
�
1 year ago
almost transparent

vegetative state

It's one of the best copypastas because it gets better with the second reading. If
you look closely, aside from the lack of capitalization and periods (which was to
mimic the green text style of the time) there are no spelling mistakes. (There's an
extra 'to' in there which shouldn't be, but we'll ignore it.) He never misleads you
anywhere in the story but when you notice he wrote "prego" when the accepted
spelling of the slang word would be "preggo" it becomes sublime. From the very
beginning he told us what was really going on in the story, but we just missed it.

Share
Report
Save

level 3
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
1 point
�
1 year ago
Actually, it's even better than that, the accepted spelling of the slang word for
pregnant is "preggo" with two 'g's, so he told us literally from the very start
that it was spaghetti sauce, if we had been paying attention. ;)

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Mike-__-Hunt
52 points
�
1 year ago
Don't?? pretend?? to ??be ??entitled?? to?? financial?? compensation?? if ??you ??
or?? a?? loved ??one ??hasn't?? even ??been ??diagnosed?? with ??mesothelioma
Share
Report
Save

level 1
Comment deleted
1 year ago
(2 children)

level 1
JordyNelson87
102 points
�
1 year ago
My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said
to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop
immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at
stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was
really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't
put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I
have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret
for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Snflrr
34 points
�
1 year ago
The Navy Seal Copypasta translated to Russian ? English ? Greek ? English ?
Portuguese ? Icelandic ? Portuguese ? Zulu ? Serbian ? Somali ? Uzbek ? Hungarian ?
Korean ? Arabic ? Basque ? Greek ? Polish ? Dutch ? Welsh ? French ? Hebrew ?
English:

It simply is not true? I know, butterflies, more important than 300 deaths which
are based on the number of high school, I have peace.
Monkeys trained to fight, and I'm not a military sniper. You anything, but it was
not. We wanted to determine the sex. I mean, I see the face of the earth.
If you think you can find something on the Internet? Evo cars. Be prepared for
hidden spy network in the United States to attack the larvae of intellectual
property rights, I must say better. The storm destroyed painful memories. Half of
the children died. You can do it anywhere and I can already killed hundreds of
hands. This is wrong, but smaller oil reserves, like an old man "that some phones
Navy to play ugly." But now we can not pay ridiculous prices. I do not want to
disrupt their wounds.
Half of the children died.

Share
Report
Save

level 2
ienjoymen
9 points
�
1 year ago
Oh my god

Half of the children died

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Mike-__-Hunt
24 points
�
1 year ago
The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the
Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars
Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of
Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima...

This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat
Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons
sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality? What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW?
A forklift?

Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves
radicalized? I could go on

Edit: I just realized a Cars 9/11 gives a whole new layer of meaning to the phrase
"let's roll"

Share
Report
Save

level 2
Mediocre_A_Tuin
2 points
�
1 year ago
Hitler would be a Mercedes 770. Probably.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
youre13andstupid
23 points
�
1 year ago
A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching
a class on Karl Marx, a known atheist.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept
that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater
than Jesus Christ!�

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500
tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military
decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

�How old is this rock, pinhead?�

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied �4.6 billion
years, you stupid Christian�

�Wrong. It�s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old
and evolution, as you say, is real� then it should be an animal now�

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the
Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same
tears liberals cry for the �poor� (who today live in such luxury that most own
refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the
deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn
Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than
a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself
from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as
their lord and savior. An eagle named �Small Government� flew into the room and
perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of
allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax
rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague
AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi. p.s. close the borders

Share
Report
Save

level 2
5meterhammer
4 points
�
1 year ago
The part about refrigerators got me dude.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
nuanimal
35 points
�
1 year ago
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not.
It�s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It�s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a
Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence
the midichlorians to create life�

He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared
about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some
consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful� the only thing he was afraid of
was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did.

Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice

killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

Share
Report
Save

level 2
youre13andstupid
4 points
�
1 year ago
Is it possible to learn this power?

Share
Report
Save

level 3
RaspberryPy
4 points
�
1 year ago
Not from a Jedi....

Share
Report
Save

level 1
juggilinjnuggala
11 points
�
1 year ago
Has it not occurred to you that the voice you've read my post in is in fact the
voice in your head? It's your voice, it bears your tone, and your judgement values.
How about this: Why are you being a little bitch? I am the matriarch of redditarian
gang banging, dear. Do you not know who I am? I am desperately lonely. Are you
trying to be my friend? Because you've got an interesting way of going about it.
I'm ok with this, I can work with this, this is what we do. I do this. (That's an
ICP reference. Get it?) Or am I wrong? Are you hurt or offended by something I
said? Have I wronged you somehow? Are you upset? Do you feel trolled? As your
friend, I feel obliged to inform you that if you said "yes" to any of these
questions, you might be misattributing things to me which do not exist. If you
don't understand what that means, how about don't sit there and tell me I'm both
somehow subjective and also wrong. You can't have it both ways. So what's it going
to be, chummer? I am The House. And The House says the door is open. Are you going
to walk in here, fuck my shit up, and steal my properties? Ok, that's rude. We
could also just chill. If I think I'm someone who thinks they're deeper than they
actually are, then clearly I must dig deeper. I died once, true story. Listen...
everything I've said in this thread... you must read in a voice with a friendly
tone. And before you interrupted me, a youthful jubilence. You're abrasive, I'm
sure you already know that. I understand I can be abrasive as well. I can
understand you, I need you to understand me. If you don't understand me, we can't
be friends. If we can't be friends, then you best get to stepping because you're in
my way. Are you good?

Share
Report
Save

level 2
youre13andstupid
3 points
�
1 year ago
What the fuck did I just read? I feel like the voice in my head got dizzy and puked
as I tried to go through that.

Is there a source for this?

Share
Report
Save

level 3
juggilinjnuggala
2 points
�
1 year ago
from a crazy lady that's occasionly seen over at /r/juggalo

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Writinglegend
10 points
�
1 year ago
In a fight? Here is what you do, my friend.

Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in his eyes.
Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and
core. Slightly bend your knees.

Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo"
slowly increasing in volume. He should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to
side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle.
By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and
appear visibly shaken.
Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By
now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs.

He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence
within their soul.

Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.

Share
Report
Save

level 2
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
5 points
�
1 year ago
Top notch advice here. Perfect 5/7.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Drew-
7 points
�
1 year ago
I like the SR 71 blackbird ones.

Share
Report
Save

level 2
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
8 points
�
1 year ago
As a former SR-71 pilot, and a professional keynote speaker, the question I'm most
often asked is "How fast would that SR-71 fly?" I can be assured of hearing that
question several times at any event I attend. It's an interesting question, given
the aircraft's proclivity for speed, but there really isn't one number to give, as
the jet would always give you a little more speed if you wanted it to. It was
common to see 35 miles a minute. Because we flew a programmed Mach number on most
missions, and never wanted to harm the plane in any way, we never let it run out to
any limits of temperature or speed. Thus, each SR-71 pilot had his own individual
�high� speed that he saw at some point on some mission. I saw mine over Libya when
Khadafy fired two missiles my way, and max power was in order. Let�s just say that
the plane truly loved speed and effortlessly took us to Mach numbers we hadn�t
previously seen. So it was with great surprise, when at the end of one of my
presentations, someone asked, �what was the slowest you ever flew the Blackbird?�
This was a first. After giving it some thought, I was reminded of a story that I
had never shared before, and relayed the following. I was flying the SR-71 out of
RAF Mildenhall, England , with my back-seater, Walt Watson; we were returning from
a mission over Europe and the Iron Curtain when we received a radio transmission
from home base. As we scooted across Denmark in three minutes, we learned that a
small RAF base in the English countryside had requested an SR-71 fly-past. The air
cadet commander there was a former Blackbird pilot, and thought it would be a
motivating moment for the young lads to see the mighty SR-71 perform a low
approach. No problem, we were happy to do it. After a quick aerial refueling over
the North Sea , we proceeded to find the small airfield. Walter had a myriad of
sophisticated navigation equipment in the back seat, and began to vector me toward
the field. Descending to subsonic speeds, we found ourselves over a densely wooded
area in a slight haze. Like most former WWII British airfields, the one we were
looking for had a small tower and little surrounding infrastructure. Walter told me
we were close and that I should be able to see the field, but I saw nothing.
Nothing but trees as far as I could see in the haze. We got a little lower, and I
pulled the throttles back from 325 knots we were at. With the gear up, anything
under 275 was just uncomfortable. Walt said we were practically over the field�yet;
there was nothing in my windscreen. I banked the jet and started a gentle circling
maneuver in hopes of picking up anything that looked like a field. Meanwhile,
below, the cadet commander had taken the cadets up on the catwalk of the tower in
order to get a prime view of the fly-past. It was a quiet, still day with no wind
and partial gray overcast. Walter continued to give me indications that the field
should be below us but in the overcast and haze, I couldn't see it.. The longer we
continued to peer out the window and circle, the slower we got. With our power
back, the awaiting cadets heard nothing. I must have had good instructors in my
flying career, as something told me I better cross-check the gauges. As I noticed
the airspeed indicator slide below 160 knots, my heart stopped and my adrenalin-
filled left hand pushed two throttles full forward. At this point we weren't really
flying, but were falling in a slight bank. Just at the moment that both
afterburners lit with a thunderous roar of flame (and what a joyous feeling that
was) the aircraft fell into full view of the shocked observers on the tower.
Shattering the still quiet of that morning, they now had 107 feet of fire-breathing
titanium in their face as the plane leveled and accelerated, in full burner, on the
tower side of the infield, closer than expected, maintaining what could only be
described as some sort of ultimate knife-edge pass. Quickly reaching the field
boundary, we proceeded back to Mildenhall without incident. We didn't say a word
for those next 14 minutes. After landing, our commander greeted us, and we were
both certain he was reaching for our wings. Instead, he heartily shook our hands
and said the commander had told him it was the greatest SR-71 fly-past he had ever
seen, especially how we had surprised them with such a precise maneuver that could
only be described as breathtaking. He said that some of the cadet�s hats were blown
off and the sight of the plan form of the plane in full afterburner dropping right
in front of them was unbelievable. Walt and I both understood the concept of
�breathtaking� very well that morning, and sheepishly replied that they were just
excited to see our low approach. As we retired to the equipment room to change from
space suits to flight suits, we just sat there-we hadn't spoken a word since �the
pass.� Finally, Walter looked at me and said, �One hundred fifty-six knots. What
did you see?� Trying to find my voice, I stammered, �One hundred fifty-two.� We sat
in silence for a moment. Then Walt said, �Don�t ever do that to me again!� And I
never did. A year later, Walter and I were having lunch in the Mildenhall Officer�s
club, and overheard an officer talking to some cadets about an SR-71 fly-past that
he had seen one day. Of course, by now the story included kids falling off the
tower and screaming as the heat of the jet singed their eyebrows. Noticing our HABU
patches, as we stood there with lunch trays in our hands, he asked us to verify to
the cadets that such a thing had occurred. Walt just shook his head and said, �It
was probably just a routine low approach; they're pretty impressive in that plane.�
Impressive indeed. Little did I realize after relaying this experience to my
audience that day that it would become one of the most popular and most requested
stories. It�s ironic that people are interested in how slow the world�s fastest jet
can fly. Regardless of your speed, however, it�s always a good idea to keep that
cross-check up�and keep your Mach up, too.
Share
Report
Save

level 3
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
6 points
�
1 year ago
There were a lot of things we couldn�t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys
on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often
asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the
first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even
cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say
that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment. It
occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours
in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over
Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the
jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were
starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be
flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the
plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below
us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was,
finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet. I
was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with
no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four
different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real
missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had
been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my
entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the
division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on
talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many
things, but he couldn�t match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a
skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the
slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me
that luxury. Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the
radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant
radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic
in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in
uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to
descend into their airspace. We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot
asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: November Charlie
175, I�m showing you at ninety knots on the ground. Now the thing to understand
about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a
Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep,
professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the �
HoustonCentervoice.� I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on
this country�s space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the
Houstoncontrollers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like
that� and that they basically did. And it didn�t matter what sector of the country
we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the
years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots
everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when
transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better
to die than sound bad on the radios. Just moments after the Cessna�s inquiry, a
Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his
groundspeed. Twin Beach, I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground
speed. Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna
brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on
frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on
the radios. Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check Before Center could reply, I�m
thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-
dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol� Dusty
here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows
what true speed is. He�s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants
everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always
with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: Dusty
52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground. And I thought to myself, is this a
ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had
to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must
be done � in mere seconds we�ll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be
lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training
and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in
on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward
becoming. I was torn. Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot
screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button
from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a
crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: Los Angeles Center,
Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check? There was no hesitation, and the
replay came as if was an everyday request. Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand
eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground. I think it was the forty-two
knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that
information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise
point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a
long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-
like voice: Ah, Center, much thanks, We�re showing closer to nineteen hundred on
the money. For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in
the armor of the HoustonCentervoice, when L.A.came back with: Roger that Aspen,
Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one. It
all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the
southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to
bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the
threshold of being a crew. A fine day�s work. We never heard another transmission
on that frequency all the way to the coast. For just one day, it truly was fun
being the fastest guys out there.

Share
Report
Save

level 4
EngineerTheArtist
4 points
�
1 year ago
Alright, this just made the nerd in me very happy

Share
Report
Save

level 5
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
3 points
�
1 year ago
They're worth a read every time they come up.

Share
Report
Save

level 3
Gumruk
2 points
�
1 year ago
wow, what a story. very cool! thanks for sharing!

Share
Report
Save

level 4
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE
1 point
�
1 year ago
The man can tell a hell of a story.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
ThoseVoicesInMyHead
8 points
�
1 year ago
�
edited 1 year ago
The Amy Schumer copypasta:
hey guys last night

snickers

i stuck a win bottle in my vagin

muffled laughter

but then i got drunk because of the wine in my vagin

hearty laffs

and THEN two guys started spitroasting me!

full on laughter

so i started deep-throating a big ass weenie

laughter starts exceeding 90 decibels

and then i got high and raped a guy

laughter is close to approaching 130 decibels

BUT THEN

everyone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and
quickly increases

CHECK THIS

the military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national
threat

NO SERIOUSLY

the whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of
earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy Schumer

I SWALLOD THE CUMMIES

it is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive
the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer,
the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As
the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam
and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close
to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves
to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and
the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this
works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one
persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and
now forgotten.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
tracerbullet__pi
7 points
�
1 year ago
It's still early in the season I know... But maybe the kid just isn't ready for the
NHL yet? With the media hounding him, the pressure of being considered the next
"great one", fuck I wouldn't be able to handle that shit. Maybe having him in the
minors for another year or two to develop a bit wouldn't have been a bad idea. The
kid is only 18. At 18 I was complete fucktard who had no idea what I wanted to do.
Not much has changed... but I'd like to think I have a bit of a better head on my
shoulders now. I actually feel really bad for Mcdavid, and I hope we don't ruin
him.

Edit: I'm being lynched for ever daring to doubt the greatness of Connor Mcdavid.
How dare I say such blasphmey after only THREE games. You're right, he may only be
18 years old, but he has the emotional maturity of a Buddhist monk, and the body
and athleticism as a top olympic athlete. He may have hit puberty only 3 to 4 years
ago, but he is a grown man now, capable of all pressure and criticism that comes
his way. I am but a lowly neckbeard maple leafs fan who lives in my mothers
basement here to shit on him for not getting 50 goals in his first 3 games. I am a
rodent, and he is a golden god. I'm going to go light myself on fire now. Thank you
for showing me the error of my ways with you jamming the downvote arrow on your
computer screen with all your might and telling me how much of an idiot I am.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Snflrr
5 points
�
1 year ago
???????????????????? waaay up tHere ?? moRTY ? im gonna need ?? ?? u to put these
seeds ??????waaaay ??up inside???? ur?butthOle????mo-EURGH-rty ????????wa????AY up
there ?? morty ?? way up ?? into your butthole (chorus: ????????) mMMMM???? O0??O?
Ooo????RR????TTY????YY ?????? ?? ???? ?? ?? ??? waaay up there

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Rndomguytf
5 points
�
1 year ago
Maybe this is not the best, but it's my favourite because I made it myself, and it
got 100 upvotes on /r/copypasta

Our moon is so useless and pathetic compared to all of the cool moons out there in
the solar system. While so much other moons have all these cool features, all our
Moon did was hit us, and then get a free ride orbiting us for a few billion years.

Europa is such a cool moon, that it could potentially have liquid water underneath.
The gravitational effects of its planet Jupiter, and some of Jupiter's other Moons
(including Ganymede, a moon so sick, it is bigger than the planet Mercury, and
almost as big as Mars; Callisto, another huge ass moon bigger than ours, one that
might even have water as well; and Io, a pizza coloured moon with fucking sulfuric
volcanoes) cause internal movement for the body, meaning there might not only be
the biggest ocean currently known in the universe there, but it could very well
have geothermic vents. Geothermic vents mean that there could potentially be life
there! Our stupid ass moon can't do none of that shit, it's just barren.

How about Titan? Easily the biggest moon of Saturn, it is so big its gravity helps
Saturn's smaller moons from crashing into the ringed planet - it is literally
saving their lives! Could our moon do that? Nah, it's too pathetic to do anything
of the sort. Not only that, but it is the only moon with a proper greenhouse effect
going on, it literally has an atmosphere, and oceans made out of liquid methane
(and some scientists think there might even be water). Could our moon have an
atmosphere? The flimsy little dust bubble it has around it hardly counts, it's so
shit.

Look at our friend Triton. It was a dwarf planet in its own right, and not only any
dwarf planet, but the largest one, bigger than Pluto and Eris. However, the poor
thing was brutally captured by Neptune, and is now in a orbit around the planet,
going the opposite way from the other moons to show its uniqueness. It also has
geysers that throw out gaseous nitrogen that it carries around in it, creating its
own atmosphere, and making it one of the 4 places in the solar system with known
geological activity, apart from the Earth, Io and Saturn's Enceladus (that
motherfucker is covered in fresh ice and it's of the shiniest things in the solar
system, cos it erupts water vapour). Could OUR moon have geological activity? Of
fucking course not.

Even Charon is cooler than the moon, and it doesn't even orbit a real planet. Its
around half the size of Pluto, and its so massive, it actually makes Pluto wobble
around a point outside of Pluto itself, making it more of a duo-planetary system
then a moon. It affects the environment so much scientists say that the other
moons, rather than orbiting Pluto, orbit a Pluto-Charon system. Can our tiny-ass
moon do that? No it can't.

So anyways, fuck the moon.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Sharsyed13
4 points
�
1 year ago
�
edited 1 year ago
After you read this, I guarantee you will feel sorry for me. Imagine this. You are
attracted to women, like you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not
exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They
have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore.
That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having
sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real
life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women,
they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never
find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone
you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve
yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never
get any better. That's what life is like to me. I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually
and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else. Women don't even do it
for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional
fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will
never know true love.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
cubicApocalypse
6 points
�
1 year ago
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in
Texas. I�ll bet you couldn�t pour !@#$ out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
You are a canker. A sore that won�t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be
seen with you.

You�re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel.
Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on
a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the
effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate,
blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling
beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had
done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you.
You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You
have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less
than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention
you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us

with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available
to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into
your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before
spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May
you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and
profane. You are foul and disgusting. You�re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look
down on you. Even sheep won�t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic,
starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of

unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you
would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a
leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the
snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You
are the moral[size] equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a
meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-
handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper.

On a good day you�re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all
that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and
filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness.
You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty
wanking oink artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit.
You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-
brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry
pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You
dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a
coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel
debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you
would go away.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we
know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-
stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed.
Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing
hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid.

You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar
stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this
stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of
stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be
beyond the laws of physics that we know. I�m sorry. I can�t go on. This is an
epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while.
I don�t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked
comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of
what you wrote, because, well... it didn�t really say anything. Your attempt at
constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a
bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in
life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more
success.

True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us �normal� people take for granted
that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are
�challenged� persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had
known that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just
wouldn�t have been �right�. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you
the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing
such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly,

deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent,
opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist,
sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant,
deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic,
fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless,
illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious,
revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic,
idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive,
malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade,
grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-
numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-
retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally NOT GOOD.

Share
Report
Save

level 2
ShowMeTheRick
2 points
�
1 year ago
the only copypasta that i will ever put tl;dr

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Comment deleted
1 year ago
(3 children)

level 1
TALBovey
4 points
�
1 year ago
r/Jokes

Share
Report
Save

level 1
PM_ME_UR_ANIME_WAIFU
3 points
�
1 year ago
Simply put, no. Really, the idea of a world without mustard doesn't even make
sense. Think about it... what else would fill the nasally void? What else provides
such versatile flavor? Mustard has always been the most beautiful thing on this
entire planet. Mustard will always be the most tasty thing in the universe. Sure,
mustard alone is questionably tasty. But mustard doesn't work alone, must amplifies
other lesser flavors. Even those who claim they don't eat mustard are just fooling
themselves. Remember homeopathy? Well, pretty much everything is homeopathically
contaminated with mustard, and mustard has brought their food greatness. Donald
Trump thinks he can make America great again. No, he alone cannot. But mustard can.
We should not build a wall. We should build a goddamn mustard waterfall. Niagara
Falls? How about Mustard Falls? This is the only way to make mustard great again,
scientifically proven in exactly 0 controlled trials, in epi +1 peer reviewed
journals. Why would this make America great again? Imagine if you could take any
boring sandwich and slather it in mustard just by putting it outside. That's right,
we're going to make mustard rain. The whole world would be spiced up a notch. Bland
sandwiches would be edible again. Decent sandwiches would be mindblowing.
Productivity would skyrocket a whopping 10,000% with all the newfound enthusiasm
for life. South Korea and North Korea would be friends again. Israelis and
Palestinians would stop killing each other. Instead, they would all revel in their
love of mustard. Long story short, mustard not only binds this world together, but
is the solution for all of this world's problems.

Burn on, my friend.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Queencancerous1
3 points
�
1 year ago
That's enough of that level. MAMMA MIA, I GOT FUCKING KILLED...said Mario as he
walked outside. And the player says "Did Mario SWEAR? Did I...Did I just hear that
from the video?" That's my creepypasta, Mario says the fuck word. I wish that was a
creepypasta. One night, I was playing Super Mario 64, AND HE SAID A NAUGHTY WORD.
While travelling THE END through the Dire Dire Docks, u-upon my usual business,
Mario turned his head in a 40 degree angle and said "Shh....FUCK" Then my mother
comes into the room and says "ARE YOU SWEARING?" I said "IT WAS MAAARIO, NOT MEE"
My moth..oh my god..my mother grabbed me by the ear and she threw me into the
bathroom and, SHE THREW ME INTO THE GAME, she fed me more hair, SHE THREW ME INTO
THE BATHROOM I WENT "OOOH FFFFF" She jumped on my face, she did the ground pound,
she...she swung me around by the hair and said "so long, gay bowser" THIS IS A VERY
SPOOKY STORY. That night, I decided to revisit the old Dire Dire Docks for further
inspection. This time, Mario pivoted his face towards the camera and said "...CUNT"
And he shook it! My mother...ran in, bellows "you will never to how funny that was"
Chris shook his head in a really funny way. My mother ran in holding the Mario
manual AND SAID NOT YOU AGAIN she started belting me across the mouth with it. Then
she started cutting the whapping of my fingers with it. She m..grabbed my lip and
starte-MY FINGERS BECAME LONGER. She grabbed my lip and said "If you ever act like
that no good Wario again, I'll pull off-" I SAID "IT'S MMMAAAARIO, MOOOM" she was a
fake gamer girl the whole time. That's when my father mm...bre...mm...ran in. I
FORGOT THE PATTERN And Yoshi the dino ff borg Hey why WHAAAAAAAAAAOW, I'm dead
WARIO smacked me in the face. I GUESS I FORGOT THE PATTERN. What's the pattern? I
got him KILLED HOW ARE YOU SUP- the pattern HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED to know the
pattern the first time you play. WE NEED AN ENDING TO THIS CREEPY PASTA oh uhh uhh,
he...like THIS IS THE THIRD NIGHT THIS IS WHEN IT GETS CRAZY that's true FINE UH MY
DEAD GIRLFRIEND WAS IN THE VIDEOGAME and said "you have to save me or something"
okay. I tried but she fuckin..g..go..I ha...I ha-AND THEN EVERYONE PROBABLY STOPPED
READING THIS BECAUSE I AI..I KINDOF RUINED IT BY THROWING THAT IN. And the...it
made Mario s...I hit the it-it made the swear word retract back into his mouth
THAT'S SCARY RIGHT EVERYBODY MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND TALKED TO ME THROUGH THE VIDEO GAME
THAT'S A GOOD ENDING Is that an actual story? That was how the Godzilla one ended
or something I think

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Ellsworth_Chewie
2 points
�
1 year ago
That one time when Stalin dumped a whole lot of Russians in Latvia.

"You live here now"

Share
Report
Save

level 2
[deleted]
1 point
�
1 year ago
^ Ask and ye shall receive, OP.
Share
Report
Save

level 1
mrtrollstein
2 points
�
1 year ago
Malphite you are a fucking worthless brainded scumfuck bastard pile of trash mental
dickface that should be gunned down in the street like the degenerate you are

Share
Report
Save

level 1
KipShades
2 points
�
1 year ago
Alex19 isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a player
with such an ability and movement with fox? Alex puts the game in another level,
and we will be blessed if we ever see a player with his skill and passion for the
game again. mang0 breaks records. Armada breaks records. Alex19 breaks the rules.
You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
PM_ME_UR_ANIME_WAIFU
2 points
�
1 year ago
Not me but i worked with this one guy who claims he and an ex redefined "strawberry
swirl".

Basically, he finishes on her face, they make a cut on each others arm, smear the
blood and mix it in with the cum on her face, then he licks it off and they swap
the mixture with each other.

AFK: need to go take a bath in holy water now.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
PedanticPinniped
2 points
�
1 year ago
???? now this one ???? is for my ?? HOE-letariat bitches ????you have nothing ????
to lose ?? but your chains ???? and your clothes ???? so let's share ?? the means
of reproduction ????and lemme hammer ???? your sickle ????quit stalin' and send
this ?? to ten other ??cummie commies� ??who need to be freed ???? tonight ???? get
0 back ???? and it's straight ?? into the ?? gulag for you ???? get 10 back ?? and
you're marx's ?? little cum slut ???? get 15 back and lenin ???? will revolutionize
?? your pussy ?????? get 20 back ?? and you'll explode ???? like chernobyl ????

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Spiderman_Underoos
2 points
�
1 year ago
The FitnessGram� Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that
progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will
begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but
gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be
completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line,
and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the
sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get
ready, start.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
PM_PAINTED_GUY_TOES
2 points
�
1 year ago
A grilled cheese consists of only these following items. Cheese. Bread with spread
(usually butter). This entire subreddit consist of "melts". Almost every "grilled
cheese" sandwich i see on here has other items added to it. The fact that this
subreddit is called "grilledcheese" is nothing short of utter blasphemy. Let me
start out by saying I have nothing against melts, I just hate their association
with sandwiches that are not grilled cheeses. Adding cheese to your tuna sandwich?
It's called a Tuna melt. Totally different. Want to add bacon and some pretentious
bread crumbs with spinach? I don't know what the hell you'd call that but it's not
a grilled cheese. I would be more than willing to wager I've eaten more grilled
cheeses in my 21 years than any of you had in your entire lives. I have one almost
everyday and sometimes more than just one sandwich. Want to personalize your
grilled cheese? Use a mix of different cheeses or use sourdough or french bread.
But if you want to add some pulled pork and take a picture of it, make your own
subreddit entitled "melts" because that is not a fucking grilled cheese. I'm not a
religious man nor am I anything close to a culinary expert. But as a bland white
mid-western male I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to grilled
cheese and mac & cheese. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our grilled
cheeses and stop associating your sandwich melts with them. Yet again, it is utter
blasphemy and it rocks me to the core of my pale being. Shit, I stopped lurking
after 3 years and made this account for the sole purpose of posting this. I've seen
post after post of peoples "grilled cheeses" all over reddit and it's been driving
me insane. The moment i saw this subreddit this morning I finally snapped. Hell, I
may even start my own subreddit just because I know this one exists now.
You god damn heretics. Respect the grilled cheese and stop changing it into
whatever you like and love it for it what it is. Or make your damn melt sandwich
and call it for what it is. A melt.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Gigadweeb
1 point
�
1 year ago
The fact that so many books still name the Beatles as "the greatest or most
significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music
still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the
greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were
not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all
times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical
musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still
blinded by commercial success. The Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by
the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up
listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening
to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of
the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will
think that the Beatles did anything worthy of being saved.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
LovecraftianResponse
1 point
�
1 year ago
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you dirty human? I�ll have you
know I graduated top of my class in the Illuminated Cult of Suc'Naath, and I�ve
been involved in numerous summonings of things beyond your ken, and I have over 300
confirmed kills. I am trained in the lore of the elder things and I�m the head
priest of 17 different various and terrifying religions. You are nothing to me but
just another mind for my ungodly master to consumer. I will wipe you the fuck out
with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this dimension,
mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over
the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of
cultists and deep ones across and under the USA and your IP is being traced right
now so you better prepare for the storm, you insignificant toad. The storm that
wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You�re fucking dead, human.
I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and
that�s just with my bare tentacles. Not only am I extensively trained in
unspeakable magics, but I have access to the entire Library of Miskatonic
University and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the
face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy
retribution your little �clever� comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe
you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn�t, you didn�t, and now
you�re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you
will drown in it. You�re fucking dead, human.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
chesterlola2014
1 point
�
1 year ago
Time out, hold up. Hold up, sweetheart. Let's get it together before you wanna
read. I don't have a sugar daddy, sweetheart. Everything that I've had, I've worked
for, and I worked for to get and I've built myself. So you need to know that 100%.
I don't have a sugar daddy, I've never had a sugar daddy. If I wanted a sugar
daddy, yes, I probably can go out and get one, because I AM WHAT? SICKENING. You
could never have a sugar daddy because you are NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL. Baby,
everything I've had I worked for, and I've gotten myself. I built myself from the
ground up, FUCKING BITCH!

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Needs-More-Nuking
1 point
�
1 year ago
I'll have 2 number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a
number seven, 2 number forty-fives, one with cheese, and a large soda.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
Boa-in-a-bowl
1 point
�
1 year ago
I'll have two number nines, a number nine large, a number six wit extra dip, a
number seven, two number 45s, one wit cheese, and a large soda.

Share
Report
Save

level 1
gains28
1 point
�
1 year ago
Like I said...You have the lower body and you have no upper body, you got a problem
building...wait a minute. You have the upper body, and you have no legs, you got a
problem building your legs. You have the upper...you have the lower body and you
don't have the upper body, the upper body, it is easier to build. So if you have
the lower body and you don't have the upper body, it is easier to build the upper
body. You have the upper body and you don't have the legs, you got a problem
building the lower body... No, you don't understand. You have the upper body, but
you don't have the lower body, you got a problem building downstairs. You got the
up- legs on the bottom, it is easier to build on the top, so you don't have much as
a problem. Yeah.

Share
Report
Save