Professional Documents
Culture Documents
ABSTRACT
In a 1933 paper Ferenczi implied that conflict between the adult's and the child's construction of reality is
traumatic for the child. As all individuals construct their own view of reality, it is inevitable that there will be
conflicting constructions between child and adult—and between analyst and analysand. This may be biologically
rooted; recent ethological studies suggest that parent-child conflict is ubiquitous because of a divergence of
needs. When a child perceives a marked divergence between his or her construction of reality and that of the
caretaker, the child may tend to reject the information proffered by the caretaker. This may appear later as
a resistance to learning from the analyst. The divergence of needs between child and caretaker may have a
profound influence on the child's cognitive development. The capacity to share other constructions of reality is a
developmental achievement which may be facilitated by the psychoanalytic process.
In this presentation I shall develop certain issues raised by Ferenczi (1933) in his historically important but
largely neglected paper, "Confusion of Tonguesbetween Adults and the Child." That paper, presented at the
International Psycho-Analytical Congress in Wiesbaden in 1932, reflected Ferenczi's growing estrangement from
Freud, in that he revived the theory of the traumatic etiology of the neuroses which Freud had abandoned (see
Dupont, 1985). Before presenting the paper, he read it to Freud, who expressed the opinion to his colleague,
Eitingon, that it was harmless, but stupid and inadequate. Freud attempted
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refused so obstinately to follow his advice (p. 163). This inability to assimilate what is presented from without
may be accompanied by a paradoxically overly credulous gullibility. Calef and Weinshel (1981) described a
syndrome that they called "gaslighting," a term they borrowed from the movie, Gaslight, which was based on the
play, Angel Street. In the story, a newly married young woman is convinced by her husband that she is going
crazy. This syndrome, in which one partner uncritically assimilates the other partner's wildly
divergent interpretation of reality is more common, I believe, than has been acknowledged. From the foregoing
discussion it is clear that when there is a marked divergence between the caretaker's and the
child's construction of reality, the child will have good reasons for not accepting the parent's instruction and
guidance. This impairment in the capacity to learn from others will undoubtedly extend to the psychoanalytic
situation as well.
Whether to believe in the environmental or in the intrapsychic origin of the neuroses, which in part formed
the content of Freud's controversy with Ferenczi, has been a continuing dialectic since the beginning
of psychoanalysis. Currently, the balance is tipping in the direction of a traumatic etiology. This is not only due
to therecognition that sexual abuse of children by adults is widespread and not a fantasy; we have also learned to
recognize the far-reaching traumatic effects of the caretaker's affective unresponsiveness or affective hypocrisy.
That is to say, we have learned to recognize the traumatic effects not of a single event, but of the chronic
influence upon the child of certain elements within the caretaker's personality.
Ferenczi's paper was several generations ahead of its time, in that it proposed a constructionist view
of reality. Such ideas were not systematically recognized in psychology until the monumental researches of
Piaget. As important as Piaget's contribution to cognitive science is, its application to psychoanalysis has been
somewhat limited by the fact that Piaget observed the child's cognitive development in an average
expectable environment. The
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influence of the child's caretakers was not a subject that he investigated. Although Winnicott did not use the
term construction of reality, this is essentially what he described under the heading of creativity. Winnicott,
unlike Piaget, was not interested in the development of cognitive structures, but was fascinated by the problem of
the border between subjective and objective reality. In contrast to Piaget, Winnicott believed that the child's
creative construction of reality could not be separated from the facilitating maternal environment.
Before I discuss Winnicott's contribution, I hope to demonstrate that the question—whose reality is it?—is
not just a question for philosophers but one that has direct clinical relevance. The question has been implicit
since the beginning of psychoanalysis. When Freud transformed himself from a hypnotist into a psychoanalyst,
he was confronted with the difference between the analyst's interpretation and the hypnotist's suggestion. The
hypnotic suggestion, the authoritarian hypnotic command, is a product of the hypnotist's mind that is then
"suggested" or placed into the mind of the subject, whereas an analytic interpretation, Freud believed, is based
upon what the analyst observes in the analysand's mind by means of the process of free association. Freud
believed that through the method of free association, as applied especially to the dream and to the transference,
the analyst has access to the patient's unconscious mind and reflects this insight back to the patient in the form of
aninterpretation. Although Freud never doubted that the analyst interpreted what was in the patient's mind, he
acknowledged that the patient's acceptance of the analyst'sinterpretation depended on some measure
of suggestion. He stated:
Thus our therapeutic work falls into two phases. In the first, all the libido is forced from
the symptoms into the transference and concentrated there; in the second, the struggle is waged
around this new object and the libido is liberated from it. The change which is decisive for
favourable outcome is the elimination of repression in the renewed conflict, so that the
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libido cannot withdraw once more from the ego by a flight into the unconscious. This is made
possible by the alteration of the ego which is accomplished under the influence of the
doctor's suggestion (1917p. 455).
Although we do not exactly know what Freud meant by the term suggestion, it does connote a compliant,
uncritical submission to a reality external to the self.
Freud's unquestioned assumption that the analyst interprets what is in the patient's mind has been challenged
by Schafer (1983) and Spence (1982). They have asserted that an interpretation is merely the
analyst's narrative construction. Psychoanalytic interpretations, according to these authors, are analogous to
theinterpretation of a text: they both speak of the interpretation as achieving a certain "narrative fit." Schafer
calls it the "analyst's story line," and Spence asserts that interpretations depend more on their power to persuade,
on their linguistic characteristics, than on their "truthfulness." Schafer believes, a priori, that the analysand "can
never have direct access to [past] events" and that his or her "experience of these events is always
subjective" (Panel, 1983p. 240) and therefore open to further, interminable, interpretation. The analyst's
interpretations are "acts of retelling or narrative revision" (pp. 239-240). An "accurate" interpretation is an
impossibility, for the analyst is only offering the patient an alternative "story line"; the analyst is merely
substituting his or her narrative for that of the patient.
Freud did not deal with the question, whose reality is it?, head on, but he did make an important distinction
between the analyst's insight and the patient's insight. The analyst's insight is a step ahead of the patient's insight,
but the analysand only becomes convinced of the truth of the analyst's interpretation after it has been
demonstrated directly through the experience of transference. Freud implied that in the act of interpretation, there
is an interplay between the analyst's and the analysand's construction of reality.
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The Interplay between the Child's and the Mother's Construction of Reality
When there has been a persistent divergence between the child's reality and the adult's, the individual will,
as Ferenczi observed, either develop a cynical distrust of the knowledge proffered by others or a naïve and
uncritical acceptance in which the individual abdicates his or her own critical judgment. It is not uncommon to
find both attitudes co-existing in the same person. Infants and children construct their own realities, but at the
same time they are totally dependent upon their caretaker'sconstruction of reality for their safety in the world.
There comes a time when children begin to discover discrepancies between their construction of reality and that
of their caretakers. Winnicott suggests how this conflict might be normally resolved.
Winnicott, as mentioned before, did not speak of the child's construction of reality, but referred instead
to creativity, which he believed begins at birth: "At the first feed the baby is ready to create, and
the mother makes it possible for the baby to have the illusion that the breast has been created by impulse out of
need" (1988p. 101). This illusion is made possible if the mother responds synchronously to the baby's desire. A
"good enough mother," with a sensitivity based upon her identification with the baby, will reinforce the
baby's illusion of omnipotent magical control of the breast. Winnicott asserted that the importance of
the mother's sensitive adaptation to the baby's needs can hardly be overestimated, in that it provides a core that
remains the foundation for a continuing positive attitude toward external reality. The infant needs the mother, yet
the infant has the illusion of creating the breast out of need. There is a paradox here: the mother provides the
necessary environment so that the baby can have the illusion of self-creation, but it is the mother's perception of
the world that will insure the baby's safety. We know that for the young child the motheris an
alternative environment interposed between the child and the dangers of the real world. The child's safety in the
world depends
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upon the caretakers who provide the child with those signals of danger that are the instinctive endowment of
other species. In a certain sense the mother is reality, in that she is the source of vital information concerning the
real world. As Freud (1926) observed, "Man seems not to have been endowed, or to have been endowed to only
a very small degree, with an instinctive recognition of the dangers that threaten him from without. Small children
are constantly doing things which endanger their lives, and that is precisely why they cannot afford to be without
a protecting object" (p. 168).
I have often referred to the observations that Anna Freud and Dorothy Burlingham (1943) made regarding
young children during the bombing of London in World War II. These children remained calm during a raid if
their mothers were not unduly anxious. In this way the mother functions as a transcendent reality interposed
between the child and a dangerous world. When the mothers or other caretakers provide what has been called a
background of safety, children are allowed to live within a self-created world of fantasy and
magical action which neither mothers nor children question. In the absence of such parental protection, the self-
created world may take on a very different function, a function essential for children's psychic survival, for then
children must construct a substitute world in which they are their own caretakers. In those instances the self-
created world is likely to have at its center fantasies of omnipotent self-sufficiency.
Winnicott's theory of the transitional object indicates how, in health, these two constructions of reality, that
of the child and that of the mother, might interact with each other. It is a theory of shared constructed realities. It
is here that Winnicott posited the formation of a third area of reality that he called a potential space between the
child and the mother. It is an illusory world that belongs neither to the subject nor to the object; it is neither
inner reality nor external fact.
As is characteristic for Winnicott (1971), the center of his thought rests on a paradox:
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Of the transitional object it can be said that it is a matter of agreement between us and the baby
that we will never ask the question "Did you conceive of this or was it presented to you from
without?" The important point is that no decision on this point is expected. The question is not to
be formulated (p. 100).
Within the illusion of the potential space the mother accepts and does not challenge the
child's construction of reality: the question, whose reality is it?, does not arise. Winnicott generalized from the
observation of infants to suggest that this potential space characterizes the mental process that underlies the
shared illusions of aesthetic and cultural experiences. From the standpoint of an outside observer, this potential
space is a space that belongs neither entirely to the subject's inner world nor to objective external reality; it
represents the subject's creative transformation of the external world. From the standpoint of the subject,
this potential spacesymbolizes the interplay of separateness and union. Playful merging requires a sense of
sureness regarding the self, which means that the autonomy of the self is preserved. This is in contrast to those
who fear being merged or swallowed up by the object.
Winnicott further suggested that this creative apperception should be distinguished from compliant learning
that is characteristic of a false self. For when the selfenters into the object, one can in this way make learning
truly one's own. This interplay of separateness and union with the other person permits one to learn from others
while maintaining the autonomy of the self. The most effective interpretations are those made when we do not
know whose construction it is, ours or the patient's. The importance of this process can be observed in the
negative, that is, by its absence, which results in a relative inability to learn from others.
We all know of some patients who cannot take in anything that they have not already thought of themselves.
I described elsewhere (Modell, 1985) a case of a professional man, who, instead
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of taking something in and making it his own, learned in a fashion that was quick, superficial, and shallow. He
picked up information from the air, so to speak; he wasau courant with all the latest stylish professional jargon,
catchwords that he picked up from conversations and from skimming professional journals. He achieved his
professional credentials by cramming for examinations and was very skillful at multiple choice questions. But he
rightly felt himself to be an impostor, for nothing stuck to him. Early in the analysis he informed me that he
never read a book that was not required as a school assignment; I dismissed this at first as an exaggeration but
later learned that it was literally true. Confrontation with other constructions of reality produced anxiety. Such
individuals may act as if they are learning from theanalysis, but one discovers that one has been writing in the
sand, that nothing has been truly taken in. As far as it could be determined, in this particular case there was a
major failure of the early holding environment: his mother had left him at the age of two in the care of an elderly,
nearly blind grandfather who spoke only Yiddish, which the patient did not understand.
Winnicott believed that primary creativity is supported by the mother's intuitive response to the
infant's desire—a response that arises out of identification with the infant based upon the mother's love; but he
also believed that the child's acceptance of the externality, the separateness, of the object is supported by
the mother's acceptance of the baby's hatred. Extrapolating from his experience with adult patients
in psychoanalysis, Winnicott claimed that in order to accept both the limitation of personal omnipotence and the
separateness of others, the child must also have experienced both intense hatred toward the mother and
the mother's acceptance of that hatred. To know that they have both survived hatred, Winnicott (1971, p. 92)
thought, was essential for the capacity to playfully merge. Looked at from this point of view, the sharing of
constructed realities may require this developmental step. There is some support for this theory: in some analyses
the capacity to learn from the analyst begins
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only after both analyst and analysand have survived a point of maximum destructiveness in the transference.
that his mother was mad, although the extent of her madness was hidden and not acknowledged by her family or
by her neighbors. This child knew that his mother's judgment was unreliable and could not assure his safety in
the world. Another patient, during latency, correctly observed that his mother was flighty, childish, and fatuous.
This is not to say that children articulate their observations as I am doing now, but these perceptions are taken in,
whether consciously or not, and have profound consequences for further development. Such a recognition will
result in the child's turning away from the caretaker as a source of information and knowledgeand may lead to a
distrust of the judgment of others.
Something analogous but less serious may occur with extremely intelligent children or with those who are
brighter than their parents. It can also be found in immigrants' children who have a greater mastery of
the language and local culture than their parents. These children learn that their world view is apt to be more
dependable than that of their parents. The loss of their parents as protective objects induces a precocious yet
fragile maturation supported by grandiose illusions regarding the self, illusions that prove to be necessary for the
child's psychic survival. In addition to the need to retain omnipotent and grandiose illusions regarding the self,
such individuals, whose parents' construction of reality is markedly divergent, may suffer from a subtle cognitive
impairment. Although in some cases they may appear to be competent students, they recognize that
their knowledge is facile and shallow, and they fear that they will be discovered to be impostors. They doubt
whether they know anything.
their nervous systems, a biological given. Another "biological given" that may contribute to this divergence is
the ubiquity of parent-offspring conflict (Trivers, 1985). Ethologists and evolutionary behaviorists have recently
observed what appears to them to be the nearly ubiquitous occurrence of parent-offspring conflict in a variety of
mammals and birds. They understand this conflict to be the consequence of the divergent needs of parents and
their offspring. Such observations are seen to support the belief that the altruistic behavior observed in many
species is correlated with the degree of kinship—the extent to which there is shared genetic material. From this
point of view, altruism may be a disguised form of self-interest, as one could argue teleologically that from an
evolutionary point of view, the ultimate self-interest is the preservation of one's own
genetic material. Altruism is greatest toward offspring, but offspring share in only one-half of each parent's
genetic material and in terms of evolutionary forces are competing with yet unborn siblings. Some evolutionary
biologists believe that parent-child conflict follows from these genetic differences.
Older ethological studies have focused upon the mutuality of need between parent and offspring, such as
seen in nursing behavior. These studies contributed to Bowlby's (1969) theory of attachment behavior. Kinship
theory, on the other hand, has resulted in the positing of a nearly universal existence of parent-
offspringconflict based on the divergence of needs between the two. The foremost exponent of this point of view
is the evolutionary biologist, Trivers (1985). He describes a cost/benefit ratio in the weaning behavior of many
species. Consider the example of a newborn caribou and its mother. For the mother, the benefits of nursing the
calf compared to the cost, the danger to the calf from predators, decreases rapidly with the increase in size of the
calf. Continued nursing may be beneficial for the calf's survival, but it places the mother's survival at greater
risk. There is therefore an inevitable divergence of self-interest. For the evolutionary biologist, self-interest is
equated with reproductive success expressed as inclusive fitness. Trivers
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says that "conflict results from an underlying difference in the way each party maximizes its inclusive fitness" (p.
149). For other species as well as humans, this divergence of self-interest affects the capacity of the offspring to
learn from its parents. Trivers states: "Although [the offspring] is expected to learn useful information … [it]
cannot rely on its parents for disinterested guidance… Thus from the offspring's standpoint, an important
distinction ought to be made between reinforcement schedules that are imposed by a
disinterested environment and ones that are imposed by other organisms, which may be attempting to manipulate
it against its own best interests" (p. 159).
Malcolm Slavin (1985) was the first to note the relevance of Trivers's work for psychoanalytic theory. He
states that "overlapping yet distinct interests in parent and offspring [have] the following major implication: that
on virtually every crucial psychological issue in the course of development … the parent as a functioning
biological organism will tend to hold a view of reality which is consistent with its own interests, derived from its
own experience and biased toward those individuals … to whom it is most closely, reciprocally tied" (p. 418).
parent is unable to perceive the child's separateness and accordingly treats the child as an extension of the self;
the child then becomes the recipient of the parent's self-love and self-hatred. A banal example is seen in parents
who have an explicit agenda for the child based on their own needs and not their child's needs. We are all
familiar with those patients who believe that they were not loved for themselves but felt that their parents' love
was contingent on their living up to certain expectations. When such individuals first encounter an analyst, they
may need to test the analyst in order to discover whether he or she is committed to them or to his or her own
hidden agenda. This is especially true when the analyst or therapist does, in fact, have another tacit agenda for
the patient's treatment.
For example, I treated a patient in psychotherapy behind a one-way mirror in a teaching exercise. This clinic
patient was informed about the project and agreed to this intrusive arrangement as a trade-off so that he could
obtain the services of an experienced therapist for a possibly long-term treatment. As therapy proceeded, it
became apparent that the patient felt he had not been loved for himself as a child, that he had been loved only
when he performed in a manner that provided pleasure to his parents. Predictably, this man did everything in his
power to demonstrate to the class that he was a "bad" patient and that I was an ineffectual therapist. It was
essential for him to discover whether I was committed to him and to his treatment or whether my primary intent
was to demonstrate to the class my therapeutic prowess. It was crucial for him to learn the extent to which I was
motivated by my own self-interest. I recall another instance when a prospective analysand, in the initial
interview, peremptorily demanded that I refrain from smoking during her analysis. At that time I smoked small
cigars, and although I did not know the meaning of this woman's demand, I assented to her request. Later, during
the course of the analysis, I learned that it was absolutely necessary that this patient discover whether I could
forgo my own pleasures in favor of her needs. She had experienced both parents as self-indulgent,
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selfish people who were incapable of giving up anything for their children. Both of these patients were
understandably distrustful of my formulations.
Therapeutic Implications
This quasi-philosophical excursion into questions concerning divergent constructions of reality does have
some practical consequences for the therapist, inasmuch as it enables us to approach
the subject of resistance from a different perspective. For example, if a patient rejects our interpretation, in
addition to the familiar motives for such a rejection—that the interpretation is inaccurate, that the patient is
prematurely confronted with unacceptable warded-off ideas, and so forth—our interpretationmay
be rejected simply for the reason that it is our interpretation. The capacity to incorporate divergent realities is
another way of considering the capacity to learn from others; our understanding of this process may provide a
rationale for and the possibility of codifying some aspects of our technique. For example, we have learned by
trial and error of the untoward consequences of premature intrusions of our own constructions as a substitute for
the patient's construction. Psychotherapists of many different persuasions agree on this point, and it has become
the basis of certain techniques. Recall the technique of Carl Rogers (1942) of simply repeating the patient's
utterances. This has become the subject of ridicule and caricature, but it may be based on a recognition that the
therapist should be careful not to go beyond what the patient communicates. Balint (1968), in his book The Basic
Fault, included a chapter entitled "The Non-Intrusive Analyst." And Winnicott (1971p. 57) learned that correct
interpretations could prove to be traumatic if they are experienced as evidence of the analyst's cleverness. The
use of empathy as a therapeutic technique, which has been so much emphasized recently, is not unlike the
Rogerian technique, in that an empathic comment does not go
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described as the analytic attitude (Schafer, 1983)—an attitude toward life and living that can be described as an
analytic Weltanschauung. The psychoanalyticWeltanschauung includes certain tacit assumptions regarding the
virtues of an examined life. More specifically, it includes a search for unconscious meaning behind all thoughts
and actions. In this search there is also an ethical position that states that only behaviors and not thoughts have
ethical consequences and that empathic examination of all experience can be carried out while maintaining
moral neutrality or objectivity.
The divergent constructions of reality of child and caretaker which reflect a divergence of need are repeated
in the psychoanalytic situation when there is a divergence between the therapist's agenda for the patient and what
the patient desires for him/herself. We all know that we try not to impose our moral values on our patients, but
nevertheless we retain certain convictions regarding the aims of treatment which exist as an explicit or implicit
agenda. I am not saying that it is wrong to have such agendas, as we all have some ideas of what we wish to
accomplish in our treatment of patients. But we must be very clear in recognizing that these are our ideas and
tacit assumptions and are not necessarily our patient's assumptions. Such beliefs, whatever they may be, are
incorporated into the goals and aims that we have for our patients. Such goals may include the belief that
treatment will enable the patient to establish a more "mature" object relationship;2 that treatment will lead to a
greater emotional spontaneity and authenticity; that treatment will lead to greater self-knowledge, and so forth.
We all have such implicit agendas for our patients which are necessary and not unreasonable. The ideal
treatment situation may be one in which we do not ask the question: "Whose reality is it?" Accordingly, from
this point of view, one aim of psychoanalytic treatment might be described as enabling the patient, through the
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2 Kohut (1984) has emphasized the untoward effects of analysts' imposition of their definition of mental health.
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