Friday Night Basics Part

III:
Birkas HaBanim, Eshes Chayil and
Zemiros
By Rabbi Joshua Flug

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I. Introduction- This shiur outline is a continuation of the Basics of Friday Night series.
[Follow the hyperlinks for Part I (Kabolas Shabbos) and Part II (Shalom Aleichem) and
The Basics of Kiddush.] This shiur outline will discuss Birkas HaBanim, Eishes Chayil
and Zemiros.
II. Birkas HaBanim
a. Ya'akov Avinu states that when people bless their children they will use the formula "
‫ישמך אלקים כאפרים וכמנשה‬."{} The Torah also records a formula for the Kohanim to
bless the Jewish people. {}
b. R. Ya'akov Emden (1697-1776) writes a number of points about Birkas HaBanim: {}
i. Birkas HaBanim is primarily intended for children who can't receive the
influence of good through their actions as much as adults. Nevertheless, older
children also receive berachos from their parents and it is good custom.
ii. The one giving the beracha should place both hands on the head of the
receiver.
iii. The two fixed berachos are ‫ 'ישמך אלקים וגו‬and ‫'יברכך וגו‬, but one can add to
these berachos a personal beracha.
c. R. Ovadia Sforno (c. 1475-1550) writes that there is a unique idea of a parent blessing
a child. This is why the Torah highlights Lavan's blessing of his children. {}
d. While some have the practice of blessing their children every Friday night, some have
the practice of only blessing their children on Erev Yom Kippur.
i. R. Menachem Mendel of Rimanov (1745-1815) laments the fact that people
bless their children every Friday night because the blessing should be
something unique and special. He personally advocates giving the beracha on
Leil Pesach. {}
ii. R. Yisrael Harfenes notes that we find such an idea regarding Birkas
Kohanim. In Chutz La'Aretz the kohanim only give a blessing on Yom Tov.
One of the reasons given is that in order to give a beracha, one must be in a
state of simcha. The same might apply to Birkas HaBanim. {}
iii. R. Mordechai ben Shmuel of Wealkatch (17th century) posits that the beracha
given to Efraim and Menashe was given on Erev Yom Kippur and this is why
it is common to bless one's children on Erev Yom Kippur. {}
e. Specific Issues Relating to Recitation of the Verses in Birkas Kohanim:
i. R. Baruch HaLevi Epstein (1860-1941) cites that he heard that the Vilna Gaon
(1720-1797) did not use both hands when giving a beracha to R. Yechezkel
Landa (1713-1793) at his wedding. This was to avoid the prohibition against
a non-kohen performing birkas kohanim. {}
 ii. R. Yisrael M. Kagan (1838-1933) quotes this from R. Yoel Sirkes (Bach
1561-1640) as one of the justifications for blessing someone else with the
birkas kohanim formulation. The other justification is that when one
specifically intends not to perform birkas kohanim, it is permissible. {}
iii. R. Aharon Epstein (19th-20th century) suggests that the issue with a non-kohen
performing birkas kohanim is that it is considered use of G-d's name in vain.
However, we find that it is permissible to bless someone using G-d's name in
order to bring peace to the world. Since blessing one's children is very
important in that regard, one is permitted to use G-d's name to bless them. {}
iv. R. Avraham Gombiner (c.1633-1683) seems to have a problem with reciting
Birkas Kohanim at night, even without nesias kapayim, if it is in the form of a
beracha. {}
1. This might be another explanation why some only bless their children
on Erev Yom Kippur, although, it is possible to omit the pesukim of
Birkas Kohanim when performed at night.
III. Eshes Chayil
a. The Midrash presents two different interpretations of chapter 31 of Mishlei: {}
i. The eishes chayil is the Torah
ii. The eishes chayil represents the women who played leadership roles
throughout our history: Sarah, Rivkah, Leah, Rachel, Basya, Yocheved,
Miryam, etc.
b. Another Midrash states that this was the hesped that Avraham gave for Sarah. {}
c. These Midrashim are all mentioned as reasons for reciting Eishes Chayil on Friday
night:
i. R. Yeshaya Horowitz (Shelah, c. 1565-1630) writes that we recite Eishes
Chayil on Shabbos to welcome the Shechinah. {}
1. In another place, Shelah writes that the Shechina and the Torah are
called the Eishes Chayil. {}
ii. R. Tzadok HaKohen Rabinowitz (1823-1900) focuses on the Midrash that the
Eishes Chayil represents the generations of Jewish people. We recite it on
Shabbos when we can all reach the levels of the women of valor mentioned in
the Midrash. {}
iii. R. Shmuel Borenstein (1856-1926) writes that Sarah was the person who
embodied refrain from the desires of this world. It was her influence that
affected all future generations. For this reason, we recite the hesped for Sarah
on Shabbos in order to commemorate Shabbos as a day when we are not
interested in wordly pursuits and the vanities of this world. {}
 d. R. Meir Mazuz writes that one cannot ignore the simple reason to recite Eishes Chayil
on Friday night and that is to give recognition to women of the house who worked
hard to prepare for Shabbos. {}
IV. Zemiros
a. The Gemara contrasts the meal of Achashverosh with a Shabbos meal in that the
Shabbos meal commences with divrei Torah and songs of praise and Achashverosh's
meal commenced with frivolity. {}
b. The Zohar writes that one of ten things that one must do at the Shabbos seudah is to
offer song and praise. {}
c. R. Yitzchak ben Moshe of Vienna (Ohr Zarua, 1200-1270) writes that the reason why
shirah is a theme of Shabbos is based on a Midrash that the angels only have six
wings, one for each day of the week. On Shabbos, we are the ones who are supposed
to provide the shirah. {}
d. R. Yehuda HaChasid (1140-1217) quotes Rabbeinu Meshulam that the blessings of
Shabbos are the opposite of the curses of Iyov. Since Iyov was cursed with the
inability to partake of song, we sing on Shabbos to enjoy our blessing. {}
‫‪ .5‬מנחם ציון דרושים לפסח סעודת יום א' דחוה"מ‬ ‫‪ .1‬בראשית מח‪:‬כ‬

‫‪ .2‬במדבר ו‪:‬כב‪-‬כז‬

‫‪ .6‬נשמת שבת חלק א' עמ' תנח‬

‫‪ .3‬סידור בית יעקב‬

‫‪ .4‬ספורנו בראשית לב‪:‬א‬

 ‫‪ .10‬כפי אהרן ס' סד‬ ‫‪ .7‬שער המלך חלק ו‪:‬א‬

‫‪ .11‬מגן אברהם מז‪:‬ח‬

‫‪ .8‬תורה תמימה במדבר ו‪:‬קל‬

‫‪ .12‬מדרש שוחר טור משלי פרק לא‬

‫אשת חיל מי ימצא‪ .‬זו היא התורה‪ .‬ורחוק‬
‫מפנינים מכרה‪ .‬שהיתה לפני לפנים‪ ,‬וזכה‬
‫משה והורידה למטה לארץ ‪ ...‬דבר אחר‬
‫אשת חיל מי ימצא‪ .‬זש"ה עוד ינובון‬
‫בשיבה וגו' כנגד אברהם ושרה‪ ,‬שהיו‬
‫שקולים כאחד בצדקה ובגמילות חסדים‪,‬‬
‫והיו סימן טוב לעולם‪ ,‬כך אין מונע מן‬
‫הצדיקים נשים כשרות שהוא מזווג להם‪,‬‬ ‫‪ .9‬ביאור הלכה קכח‪:‬א‬
‫שכן מצינו באשתו של נח שהיו שקולין‬
‫מעשיה כמעשיו‪ ,‬לפיכך זכתה עמו וניצלה‬
‫ממי המבול‪ .‬בטח בה לב בעלה‪ .‬זו שרה‬
‫אמנו‪...‬גמלתהו טוב ולא רע‪ .‬זו רבקה אמנו‬
‫‪ ...‬דרשה צמר ופשתים‪ .‬זו לאה אמנו ‪...‬‬
‫היתה כאניות סוחר‪ .‬זו רחל אמנו ‪ ...‬ותקם‬
‫בעוד לילה‪ .‬זו בתיה בת פרעה ‪ ...‬זממה‬
‫שדה ותקחהו‪ .‬זו היא יוכבד ‪ ...‬חגרה בעוז‬
‫מתניה‪ .‬זו מרים וכו'‬
 ‫‪ .17‬שם משמואל פרשת חיי שרה שנת תרעב‬ ‫‪ .13‬מדרש תנחומא חיי שרה ד‬

‫‪ .14‬סידור שער השמים‬

‫‪ .15‬שני לוחות הברית תורה שבכתב עמ' מז‪.‬‬

‫‪ .16‬פרי צדיק פרשת חיי שרה‬

‫‪ .18‬נפש חיה ח"ב עמ' רסה )דרשת ר"מ מאזוז(‬

‫‪ .19‬מגילה יב‪:‬‬
‫‪ .20‬זהר רעיא מהימנא פרשת עקב‬

‫‪ .21‬אור זרוע הל' שבת ס' מב‬

‫‪ .22‬ספר חסידים ס' תתשמ"ז‬

 1. Siddur Beit Ya'akov
It is a Jewish tradition to bless the
children on Friday night after the
prayers or upon entering the home
for at that point there is great
influence and it is proper to channel
it towards the children, especially
those that cannot invoke influence
through their actions Through a
prestigious adult intermediary, it
descends and takes a greater effect
on children who have not tasted sin
and through them it extends further.
However, the older children also
receive a blessing from their parents
and this is proper. One places two hands on
their heads as we find regarding all those who conveyed blessings … One recites
"May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe," Also "May he bless you (the
verses from the priestly blessing)." Each individual can formulate his own blessing.

2. Sforno, Bereishit 32:1

The rabbis have already stated "The blessing of
an ordinary individual should not be light in your
eyes." However, the Torah recounts the blessing
that Lavan gave to his daughters to teach that
the blessing of a father – which without doubt is
given to his children with all of his soul- has a
greater propensity to take effect using the image
of God contained within the blessor, similar to
what it states "So that my soul may be blessed."

3. P'ri Tzaddik, Parshat Chayei Sarah

Before the Friday night meal, we recite "Woman
of valor," because the assembly of Israel is the
"woman who fears God" and this refers to
Shabbat when each Jew realizes the fear … In
Midrash Tanchuma this chapter is interpreted as
referring to Sarah, who was the first and the
entire Jewish People, the assembly of Israel
descended from her .., The rabbis taught the
God represents the father and the assembly of
Israel represents the mother … Therefore, it is
appropriate that the "Woman of valor" was said
about Sarah, who was the first Jewish mother.
 4. Shem Mishmuel, Parshat Chayei Sarah 5672
According to our
approach that
the idea is to
approach the
desire for
holiness by
avoiding the
desires of this
world, this is the quality of Sarah and it was her
foundation and she influenced her children to
follow this idea. This idea is attributed to her to
this day because she founded it … According to what was presented, there is a
basis for our tradition to recite "Woman of valor" on Friday nights because we
already stated in another place that the night of Shabbat is about a person
separating from the vanities of this world, its distractions and its debasements. For
this reason, "the added soul of Shabbat" as well as the enjoyment of Shabbat come
to counteract those ideas. Therefore, the chapter of "Woman of valor" is relevant.

5. Nefesh Chaya, Vol. II page 265

Shlomo the king
dedicated an entire
chapter of Proverbs -
of twenty two verses
based on the letters
of the aleph-bet- to the woman of valor. This chapter is
known to be part of each Jewish person's acceptance of the Shabbat queen who
enters the house adorned with all good things. [This chapter serves as]
thanksgiving to one's wife for preparing and arranging everything for the honor of
Shabbat. After one greets the angels that accompanied him from the synagogue,
he sings "Woman of valor."

6. Megillah 12b (Soncino Translation)

'On the seventh day, where the king's heart
was merry with wine.' Was then his heart not
merry with wine until then? — Raba said: The
seventh day was Sabbath, when Israel eat
and drink. They begin with discourse on the
Torah and with words of thanksgiving [to
God]. But the nations of the world, the idolaters, when they eat
and drink only begin with words of frivolity. And so at the feast of that wicked one.

7. Zohar, Raiya Mehemna, Parshat Ekev

There are ten things that one must perform
during the meal … One must arouse song
and happiness at the table.