CREATIVE WRITING- FINAL ASSIGNMENT

-BHARGAVI SRINIVAS (BD/17/919)

2. Ambition or Aimless awesomeness – which is the way to go?

The way to go?

Well, I am not good at making up my mind about things, which will become more and more evident
in this essay. There’s a couple of ways to look at the whole thing. Either you could have a clear-cut
goal and move towards it, or you could wander freely, living life one experience at a time. Or
somewhere in between. It would come down to your own personal world-view; what do you think
you’re here for? Some would say to make a change in the world, others would say to attain personal
satisfaction. My mind goes here and there about it, but I could tell you what’s in it.

I don’t know why we’re all here. I don’t know why the Earth exists, and following a long passage of
time, we came into existence. After development, we chose to form societies and build nations. I
don’t know what we’re trying to get out of any of this, to be honest. I feel that on the grand scale of
things, we are but a tiny speck of sand in the cosmos, and therefore it should be okay for me to go
road trippin’ for the rest of my life.

Jumped to that a bit quickly, I know, but what I mean to say is that I sometimes find pursuing the
typical way of life to be redundant. We are taught to aspire to certain things; I was always asked
what I wanted to be when I grew up and I learned that “Alive”, was not an acceptable answer.
Funnily enough, I didn’t even want to be happy, I just wanted to be there in the future to see what
would happen. Now that I’m here and the meaning of that word has changed, I can say that I hold a
similar view to what I did when I was a child.

It also does make sense to have your life driven towards a set of goals. It’s a productive way to spend
your time and it will keep your hands full. Whenever I feel a bit lost, I wonder if I’d feel like I
belonged to something if I had a clear-cut ambition. When a person strives to recognize their
potential and really do something, I do respect that. However, with a population of 7.7 billion
people, it’s quite obvious that billions of individual ambitions drive and destroy the planet at the
same time.

With all the things that have happened so far, I think that it’s fair to say that ambition for selfish
reasons can be accepted, as long as it is not detrimental to others. Not that we have any
International Moral Police (actually, that might be what twitter does these days) or anything; it
doesn’t really matter. Until, of course, it does.

We seem to be too busy chasing material pleasures, to notice how small our lives really are. So what
now, I’m supposed to prepare to live in society, going through kindergarten till graduating college?
Then I should be preparing to work my ass off, the usual 9-5, for a few decades so that I can save
money for retirement? And then, and only then, will I be free?

Yikes. I’m already on this path and I’d like to quit ASAP.

There’s no security in aimlessness. Or Awesome Aimlessness, as it was called. I guess that would
depend on what the word ‘security’ meant. To me, it’s money and it’s purpose. It is far more
comfortable to be part of this system. There’s more that ties me to this, though. I have a family that I
want to support; I can’t do that with the wind in my hair. There are elements in reality that keep me
firmly fixed to this particular path. I know that when I make money, I will be able to do things that
I’ve wanted to. I know all of this, and this is what seems to keep me in this system.
I wish I didn’t want any of this, you know? I’m quite the troubled person and all I want to do is to be
at peace. To be content. I don’t know what I’m chasing for, going down this path. I have an idea of
how I want things to end up, and that’s it. I would be settled in some Norwegian village, rearing
sheep. Or something along those lines, I have time to figure that out.

Life is really short. I know that enough chalkboards in enough teenage girls’ rooms say something
like that, but it’s true. I don’t want to chase for something my whole life, and then realise that
annoying quote about the journey being more important than the destination. And if that’s true,
then what does it matter regarding where I end up?

The world is smaller and easier for me to deal with when I have a goal. Then it’s just me, and what I
need to do. When I don’t have that, I feel so displaced. I cannot think of a single good reason for me
to exist on this planet, except that I just do. But then there are the ascetics, the saints, the ones who
look the other way, away from all worldly desires. They have a strength that I do not possess, and I
envy that they can find peace and I, even at the end of my life, may not find the same.

Wouldn’t it be really stupid if I worked for 40 years to dig a well and then died, the day before I
would have found water? That’s the reality for millions and millions of people, isn’t it? I’m afraid that
if I spend my life in pursuit of something, there is a chance that I may not even reach that
destination. I would like to think that if I could live without all these aspirations, I could attain the
peace that I would hypothetically find, decades and decades after working.

Is that what you call a short-cut? Or is that just being lazy? I want to see the world and experience it,
and I promise myself that when I can earn enough money for that, I will. I feel like I have already
wasted so much time, preparing for a life that I was already living. School was never preparation, it
was a part of it, and I have missed out on so much already, too worried about how my marks were,
and what my future was going to be like.

Even as I’m typing this, I have these thoughts in mind. Where will I be in a few years? What should I
be doing? I’m happy when I’m not thinking about it, and that’s what escapism is about.

But is it? Is it escapism?

What I want is to experience life, not sit and prepare for it. I don’t want to be wholly aimless and I
don’t want to forget about what I want from this world. I have no idea about what’s beyond it, or
what the point of this all is, but I do know that it’s okay to like chocolate, and nice cars, and good
jewellery. I just don’t want to forget about the universe, while I’m chasing for those things.

So long story short, I’ve explored my thoughts by laying them out on this essay and it seems that I
want to have both ambition and aimlessness in my life. I’m no diplomat, and it’s not easy to keep
both in mind, but I do feel that it’s only normal to follow your heart’s desires.

If your heart wants to roam, then maybe you should do that.

If your heart wants to achieve something, go ahead with it.

And if your heart, like mine, wants to do both, bring your brain into the equation and figure it out.
After all, time’s running out.