WHEN

ONE
MAN
STANDS

by Lawrence Wayne SincLIAR

©2011 SincLIAR Phlubising d/b/a Lawrence W. SincLIAR
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 - WHEN ONE BABY CROWNS:

In the very milliseconds before I was born, I knew I was different, destined
after a few decades in prisons to become the harbinger of truthfulness to a
nation enslaved by the renegade Kenyan and his harpy wife.

Chapter 2 - WHEN ONE INFANT CRAWLS:

There was something about my butt up in the air while on all fours that I
enjoyed then and still enjoy today.

Chapter 3 - WHEN ONE CHILD SORORICIDE ATTEMPTS:

When several family members struggled to pry my pudgy fingers from my
sister's throat releasing a death grip, I knew I was more than gay; I was
also crazed.

Chapter 4 - WHEN ONE YOUTH TO PRISON GOES:

I always l admitted the truth when caught, even if it meant twenty years.

Chapter 5 - WHEN ONE FELON DRUGS AND PEOPLE RUNS:

Now I smuggled some smokes and folks from Mexico; baked by the sun
everytime I go to Mexico, and I'm still…

Chapter 6 - WHEN ONE TO MINNESOTA MOVES:

I move up north for health reasons, primarily to slow down the growth of
my brain tumor (which later will heal).

Chapter 7 - WHEN ONE LOSER INFATUATED BECOMES:

I have a preferences for sinewy, dark skinned young men, and then there on
the television appears my adonis, my ideal.

Chapter 8 - WHEN ONE HUNGRY BOTTOM A LUSTY

MAN-ON-MAN SEXUAL LIAISON IMAGINES:
How to meet such a strapping hunk, I wondered. It would have to be
before he became known nationally, because I'd never get close now. Yeah,
that's it. Perhaps meet at a gay bar, introduced by say, a limo driver. We'd
get high together in the back seat of the limo. I'd fellate him like he never
had been fellated before. He would stroke my head gently…

Chapter 9 - WHEN ONE SCAM BEGINS:

When I told a friend about my little dream, he said, "I bet you could get
money from the campaign to not talk about that." He was wrong.
Chapter 10 - WHEN ONE VIDEO UPLOADS:
The friend also said that even racists and morons use the internet. They
would send money even if the campaign wouldn't.

Chapter 11 - WHEN THREE BLOGGERS COMMENT:

Three bloogers said I was nuts. Now money coming in from the racists or
morons, perhaps a lwa suit. I wasn't going to take this lying down. Now
all I need is an attorney, a cheap attorney, a pro bono attorney, a contingent
fee attorney.

Chapter 12 - WHEN ONE WELL-HUNG ATTORNEY REPRESENTS

If this guy had the confidence to strut about in a kilt with 'his boys'
hanging free, then maybe…

Chapter 13 - WHEN ONE ACCORDION SALESMAN A BLOG

STARTS:
The attacks start. A Texas accordion salesman, Jan, and his Bitch wife
dare to examine my allegations, and start a blog encouraging people to join
in and find holes in my stories.

Chapter 14 - WHEN ONE WELL-FINANCED PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATE THE OBOTS RECRUITS:
At least, I'm consistent. Although I can't prove it, Barack pays thousands
of people to harass me on the web. Send money.

Chapter 15 - WHEN ONE FAILING SCAM NOW A MURDER

ALLEGES:
Okay, so Donald Trump isn't dead, but you have to admit it kinda kicks
my stories up a notch. Mainstream media chooses to censure story over lack
of facts. That never stopped Fox News - until now.

Chapter 16 - WHEN ONE PRESS CONFERENCE NO FACTS

PRESENTS:
Wherein we learn Monty's massive and manly member makes the kilt more
than a mere fashion statement.

Chapter 17 - WHEN ONE NORTHEAST STATE A TUNA ARRESTS:

A mistake with money orders brings a trip to Delaware. Will the doctor pay
restitution and make this go away?

Chapter 18 - WHEN ONE AXELROD A $750,000 CHECK WRITES:

So a distant family member gives me a ring from the great state of Maine...

Chapter 19 - WHEN ONE POLYGRAPH LIES:

It was the polygraph that lied, not me.
Chapter 20 - WHEN ONE LARDASS A BOOK WRITES:
You can judge a book by its cover. If it has a cover, a spine, and pages with
words on them, it's a book. I wrote a book. Sure, it had large print, and
much of it was copied from web pages, but it's still a book. And I still
wrote it. At least part of it.

Chapter 21 - WHEN ONE DOUCHE A BOOK SELLS:

Imagine the Obots surprise when my book sold in the tens of tens.

Chapter 22 - WHEN ONE NUTCASE AN ENVELOPE WITH

BULLET HOLE RIDDLED PHOTOS OF THE
PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY TO THE WHITE
HOUSE SENDS:
The Obots were getting to me. In retrospect, this may have been a bit much.

Chapter 23 - WHEN TWO SECRET SERVICE AGENTS VISIT:

And I get to meet, two very nice, and polite gentlemen, whose co-workers
would later find me, and arrange for an f-18 to fly my mother up from Fort
Walton for my fake attempted stomach pumping.

Chapter 24 - WHEN ONE PORNOGRAPHER A LIBELER SUES:

The much beloved family board game with phallic playing pieces isn't so
beloved after all. It's suing my ass, my corporation, and somebody named
Al.

Chapter 25 - WHEN ONE CORPORATION DISSOLVES:

My lwa degree from prison comes in handy. I dissolve my corporation to
save on legal fees, and protect the shareholders from an accurate accounting.

Chapter 26 - WHEN ONE MAN SQUATS:

All my partying and jetskiing and kite flying in Port Orange catches up to
my sensitive stomach.

Chapter 27 - WHEN ONE PLEA FOR MONEY FAILS:

The downturn in the economy hits the moronic especially hard, but I don't
give up.

Chapter 28 - WHEN ONE SUICIDE WEBCASTS:

Okay, not being able to score any money was a bummer. A pretend suicide
would certainly garnish sympathy, and get some money. But it wouldn't be
sent to me if donors thought I was dead. Then, Eureka! Perhaps I should
label this chapter 'WHEN ONE MAN LEAPS', because I then got this
idea - a pretend attempted suicide - LIVE ON THE WEB.
Chapter 29 - WHEN ONE'S LOGGING IN TO READ COMMENTS
ONE'S FAKE SUICIDE EXPOSES:
Did my logging in to the web after pretending to kill myself expose my fake
suicide? The answer is NO. It was a fake attempted suicide, and for a
suicide to be an attempted suicide, one cannot kill oneself. Ingesting large
quantities of TicTocs® would necessitate a long and laborious death,
consistent with fake attempted suicides.

Chapter 30 - WHEN ONE TO CHANNATOGA MOVES:

Pardon me, boy, is those the forms that document my attempted fake
suicide? They're all lost! Oh noes!

Chapter 31 - WHEN ONE PLEA FOR MONEY FAILS (PART 2):

What's going on? Does everybody like Obama, all of a sudden. You people
do know he's black, right? Send some money, people!

Chapter 32 - WHEN ONE JUDGE A MOTION DISMISSES:

I need my laptop. I get nervous in court. Minesweeper calms me down.

Chapter 33 - WHEN ONE PLEA FOR MONEY FAILS (PART 3):

To my moron followers sending me aluminum cans and bottles. Tennessee
does not require bottles or cans to be returned, and thus requires no deposit,
and gives out no refund for their return. Just send the FedEx overnight fees.

Chapter 34 - WHEN ONE MAN STANDS:

In which I go to court and stand before the honorable Ponce de Leon, who
treats me like a gentleman, whilst chastising Oprah, the lwayer from
Katzen Doggs, LLC representing the popular and family friendly board
game, Parcheesi.

Chapter 35 - WHEN ONE MAN SITS:

Thus, I have demonstrated in this, my second pamphlet, how standing up
to the Obots instills one with pride, decency, and a sense of purpose,
regardlesss of the truth or lack thereof. Had I sat, the Muslin President
would have installed sharia law, the gay agenda would be destroying your
marriage and adopting your children, Messicans would be streaming across
the border stealing your healthcare, and worse. When this is finally over, I
plan to go back to Florida, no wait, I can't...

Chapter 36C - WHEN ONE MAN LIES:

...but I'll go someplace warm, and roll out the old chaise lounge. Crack
open a can of cold Pepsi, and settle on down and think about making a
little money by writing a third book. After all, haven't I proven that ONE
CAN MAKE MONEY, WHEN ONE MAN LIES.

 Acknowledgments
I would like to than the Volus'ia County Academy of Apos'trophical Analysis' and
Grammatical Engineering. In particular, Professor's Heywood Jablowme, Anita Mann, and
Maya Sisgrass for helping rein in that pesky floating comma, my prior us'e being the cause of
much deris'ion and humiliation by Xenon NX and the Obot horde.