1 Divorce and Generations Perceptions.

Divorce and Generations Perceptions. Queens University of Charlotte Paige Gentry and Meghan Gilling April 20, 2011

2 Divorce and Generations Perceptions.

Abstract The purpose of this study is to review the way divorce has affected the various generations, as well as gauge their opinions on divorce. The study gives a comprehensive view of how divorce has evolved from a taboo subject to a more consistent norm with everything from divorced parents to re-married parents and whole families of step-siblings.

3 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. Divorce is a rampant issue in the United States, something that has been consistently increasing ever since the taboo of being a divorced man or woman has been slowly but surely eroded away by society and ever changing societal values. As time has gone on, it has become more acceptable to divorce for many different reasons such as an affair, media and societal influence, and just general growing apart throughout the relationship. Divorce is known to both negatively and positively affect the family unit and the perception of a family. Divorce is also known to both positively and negatively affect any children that may exist as a result of the marriage. Mass media continues to play a huge influencing role in the day-to-day lives of the average person. Popular television shows have changed as societys values have changed. This is evident in the programming for the television show Leave It To Beaver which featured a very traditional nuclear family as was very common in the 50s. One mother, one father, happily married, and two children were the focus on the show, all living a very charming and perfect lifestyle that was not only socially acceptable, but heavily aspired for. As time progressed and society changed, the 60s and 70s brought shows such as Mary Tyler Moore, Maude, One Day At a Time, Alice, Whats Happening and Laverne and Shirley which portrayed completely different family structures. These shows starred strong women, who were single whether due to divorce or just never marrying. They worked, raised families, kept their houses and had many an adventure with their friends- however they werent making pot roast for their husbands boss to come over for a dinner party while also checking their childrens homework. It was an entirely different situation, which was being

4 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. reflected through the common American family at the time. This continues to be reflected in todays popular television shows with things like Friends and Modern Family. Both television shows portray nontraditional family units, which are more likely to reflect the current nontraditional family units across America. Modern Family alone is comprised of a gay couple with a child, a very young woman married to a much older man who has already been previously married and divorced, and a more traditional family of a husband and wife with two children. Parental divorce also has a big influence on offspring divorce and marriage, as studied and shown in the article Parental Divorce and Offspring Marriage: Early or Late? written by Nicholas Wolfinger. Wolfingers study has shown that the state of ones parents relationship does effect whether one gets married and continues to stay married. It has been shown that should ones parents have divorced that one is less likely to get married, and that marriage is more likely to result in a divorce, than a person whose parents did not divorce. Age and when ones parents were divorced plays a large role as well. It was found that if ones parents are divorced one is more likely to get married before the age of twenty, and those odds severely decrease after the age of twenty. The higher rate of marriage before the age of twenty is believed to be a means of escape from familial drama and problems, while the decrease in marriage after the age of twenty is likely due to interpersonal problems. The family structure that one is subjected to will in turn influence ones future family structure. It has also been found that previous generations who had a stronger, more influential and traditional family structure were more likely to be married and remained married, than those of more recent generations who may

5 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. have grown up in less traditional familial roles. (Wolfinger, Nicholas, 2003). It was also found in a study conducted by Alsthuler that most divorce cases occur in the mid 40s, and that people over 60 are more likely to get divorced than people under 30 (Alsthuler, 2006) however, that it is fairly unusual for people over 60 to get divorced. While there has been an increase in divorce, there has also been a movement to try and slow down the separation of families. The Covenant Marriage, studied by Nock, Steven, Wright, and Sanchez in Americas Divorce Problem is something that began in Louisiana in 1997, with the intent of making the process of divorce more difficult, in order to try and force a couple to try and work out their marital problems, rather than jumping to divorce as a solution. This bill makes both marriage and divorce a bigger process than a standard marriage, as it requires counseling prior to marriage and prior to an official divorce, as well as living separately for two years having decided upon divorce. The purpose of this longer process is to promote more serious consideration of the commitments and promises made to one another upon marriage. The debate does wage however, that the longer processes tied to covenant marriage doesnt protect a couple from marital problems, as no marriage is perfect or bullet proof, and that in reality the longer process tied to a covenant marriage and potential divorce can just be more damaging in the long run. (Nock, et al. 1999). This is particularly hard on children. The stress of a consistently fighting couple or an ongoing divorce has been shown to negatively affect the children from the marriage. The literature and study conducted by Roberts, James, John, Tanner,

6 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. and Manolis entitled Materialism and the Family Structure-Stress Relation shows that materialism has become a large problem. In particular, materialism and consumerism are two things that have been associated with children affected by a divorce, as it is a way for the children to cope with the stress levels. Due to the selfdoubt that children are more prone to feeling because of a divorce, they are more likely to soothe their dissatisfaction and unhappiness with trips to the mall, online shopping sprees, and the constant demand for more, more, more. As materialism continues to take over and become the mediator in a childs life, things such as family and community are neglected. A study conducted in the early 1970s in California followed 131 3-18 year olds and their parents divorce, conducted by Wallerstein and Lewis.. Depending on the age bracket, these children were Traditionals and Baby Boomers. The purpose of the study was to illuminiate the social and psychological experiences of children and parents at the martial breakup and during the postdivorce years ( Wallerstein and Lewis, 2004). Specifically, the researchers were looking to see how the impact of the divorce experience on the childs developmental course, selfconcept, and feelings, (Wallerstein and Lewis, 2004). Frequently, people wonder if their children are, or will be affected by a divorce, and to what extent. The research wanted to see what the affects at early ages were, and then they wanted to see what the affects were on the children once they reached adolescence, particularly in their anger and widespread acting out (Wallerstein and Lewis, 2004). The study found that it was very difficult to grow up, for most of the divorced children and that the

7 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. children believed Personal relationships are unreliable, and even the closest family relationships cannot be expected to hold firm (Wallerstein and Lewis, 2004). It has been found that divorce is more prevalent through the young adult years. Research shows that by age 50, the rate is only one-quarter as large as that at age 20. In fact, 74% of all divorces occur before age 40, and [] only 1.3% occur after age 65. (Johnson, Colleen).It is also believed that as time goes on, more women will spend most of their lives as divorcees due to the consistently climbing rate of divorce. There has also been a big trend of parents not entirely sure how to interact with their divorced children. It has been found that there are two common types of interaction and responses to adult, divorced children; one is that the parents become even more involved in the divorced childs life, while the other option was becoming less involved as the child withdrew from their parents and focused more on their own nuclear family. Children whose parents became more involved in their post-divorce lives had a stronger generational tie and familial tie, whereas the children whose parents were as involved were more resolved and had a more distant relationship with their parents and their generation to begin with. Methods Participants Sixty people, 15 people from every generation ranging from 1922-1943, 1943-1962, 1963-1980, and-1981-2001 participated. These people were friends and family members of the researchers, as well as friends of friends, and friends of family members. As such, this sample was purposive and not a random sample, as everyone did not have an equal opportunity to partake in this study.

8 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. Procedures The survey was uploaded onto the online survey company SurveyMonkey. After the pilot study was conducted, the results showed that having two separate surveys- that is one to administer to those whom have been or are divorced, as well as those whom are married, would make things less confusing for the participants. SurveyMonkey provides a free profile with the ability to upload 10 survey questions. The surveys were all divided up by generation in order to find out which answers correlated to which generation. Our survey had 12 questions, with two Likert scales that brought the question total to 18 questions for our survey. As such, it was necessary to add two more surveys, so each participant that took the survey online had to click on two links in order to answer all of the questions. Both surveys had the same questions such as Which generation do you belong to?, Are you male or female and even the same questions and Likert scales for their opinions on divorce and re-marriage. Specific questions were tailored for the specific targeted group, with questions like How long have you been married?, How long have you been divorced?, and Please select the following answers that correspond to your divorce etcetera. The links to the surveys were sent out, with the disclaimer that no one could be traced back to their data and answers, and that everything was anonymous. There were specific instructions to click on the two links that corresponded to their maritial status- that is married or divorced, and to fill out both survey links. In the case of friends or family members where the marital status was already known, the specific links to the specific survey was sent via email. If the participant was

9 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. married, it was requested in the instructions, that both the male and female take the survey separately, in order to try and get an equal amount of male and female respondents. Due to the technological gap between the generations, the members of the Traditional generation had to be telephoned and administered the survey over the phone. The answer to each question was confirmed before moving onto the next question. This phone follow up was also required for some of the Baby Boomers, in order to remind them to check their email through which the links to the surveys were sent. Results Just to highlight some of the major results; The results showed that the generation with the highest response to the divorce survey was the Baby Boomer generation. Out of the 15 respondents for the Baby Boomers, only three were still married. Generation X was close behind them, with 10 out of 15 respondents having been divorced. Not a single one of the Traditionals surveyed were divorced, and all of the Millennials surveyed were married as well. The majority of these surveys were taken and answered by females. This was particularly seen in the Traditionals where a consistent answer was that yes, they were or are married, but their spouse was deceased. Of course the Traditionals had been married the longest, followed by Generation X. The Millennials reported the shortest marriages, which isnt surprising given their age. One trend that was found was that for those divorced, 65% of the respondents reported that they had been divorced for 1-5 years, with the next popular answer being 12-15 years. The Baby Boomers represented most of the

10 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. 12-15 years while the Gen Xers represented all of the 1-5 year respondents. We found an almost 50-50% split between people who have re-married and who have not re-married, which was an almost 50-50 split between the Generation X respondents and the Baby Boomers. What was particularly interesting was the difference in answers to the questions on the Likert scales, between both those who were married and divorced, and between the generations. Just between those who were married and divorced, there were very similar answers like 100% of respondents replying with the answer Neutral to the question Do you think the media has displayed divorce positively?, as well as 100% of respondents across all generations replying to the question Does the divorce rate increase with each generation? with the answer of agree and strongly agree, although the divorced participants did respond with Strongly agree while the married participants mostly replied with Agree. A not surprising result was that the divorced respondents, when asked I think divorce is only acceptable in the following situations responded with all of the answers an affair, lack of desire, constant fighting and disagreement, only if counseling doesnt work, general unhappiness, and all of the above. For the married respondents, from which all of the Traditionals were respondents, the most popular answer was only if counseling doesnt work with 12 out of 15 respondents selecting that answer. The Baby Boomers were a little more flexible with the most popular answers being lack of desire, constant fighting and disagreement, and general unhappiness all tying for the most popular answer. The response to the question I think re-marriage is acceptable from the divorced sample was not

11 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. surprising with a 100% response rate of Agree, however it was surprising to see that 6 out of 15 Traditionals responded to the same question with Disagree as it was expected that many more of them would select that answer. Five Traditionals selected the answer Neutral while four of them did respond that they Agreed that re-marriage was acceptable. Some other surprising responses were that 90% of the respondents Strongly disagree when asked whether they thought it was best to stay together for the children, and that 100% of the divorced respondents replied that they Agree that they were scared to go through the process of divorce. Finally, the not so surprising results to the question Please select the following words that apply to your divorce that the answers Horrendous, Mean spirited, Neutral, Best and solution were all selected, while not a single respondent replied Amicable or Fantastic. Discussion Most of the answers submitted by the divorced respondents, despite the generation, werent that surprising. Perhaps the researchers anticipated or presumed most of the answers, or have heard them consistently from others. The researchers believe that the openness and acceptance of re-marriage was found to be at such a high level from most of the respondents, is due to the major changes that have occurred to the family structure in the past few decades. Entire stepfamilies, sometimes on both sides of the family, have become the norm. It is actually usually pretty stunning if one is to meet someone whose parents are still married. However, it is believed that as whole, divorced does still have a bit of stigma to it, which caused the result of more people selecting the answer Disagree for the

12 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. question I think divorce is acceptable in all situations which was set to a Likert scale. It is believed that people still do believe in the sanctity of marriage and perhaps hope that people will continue to marry and remain married in order to preserve the traditional ideas of marriage and family. The same idea follows for the question I am or would be afraid of the stigma of being a singe parent. For the divorced respondents, 13 out of 15 responded that they disagreed which once again indicates that there is a continued acceptance by society of the changing idea of what a family is, or will be. The researchers found a large gap in answers to the question How old were your children when you divorced?. The answers that were almost a 50-50 split for answers were 0-5 years old and 17-21 years old. It is believed that perhaps this is because between the ages of a few months and 5 years old, the answer to why mommy and daddy live separately is more easily accepted and just accepted as the norm, while the popularity with the 17-21 years old is perhaps because the children are old enough to understand and perhaps so established in their own young lives that perhaps the divorce wont affect them as much as it would had the children had been younger. An interesting follow up question the researchers thought about after looking at these results would have been Did you wait until your children were a certain age to divorce? and/or Would you wait for your children to reach a certain age until your divorced? If so, what age?. It would be interesting to see what each generation thought about that question and topic in particular, while also just seeing what the popular opinion across the board was. Conclusion

13 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. The researchers concluded that as time has passed and the nuclear family has changed in so many ways, to so many different things, that the idea and practice of divorce is more accepted. Whether it be due to an affair, constant disagreements, because counseling didnt work, or other reasons, divorce seems to be something that is being continually accepted in our society, especially as time goes on and it seems that divorce is a more prevalent issue. Some of the answers to some of the questions, particularly from certain generations werent that surprising, however the researchers are now very interested in what way, if any, the ages of children of those who are divorced has any correlation to when, and why a couple was divorced. The researchers believe that there will be many more studies and a lot more literature on the topic of divorce and its various ramifications and affects on society as it continues to exist- whether expanding and resulting in more of the population being or becoming divorced, whether it remains at about the same level, or whether it decimates.

14 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. References Adams, M, and S Coltrane. "Framing divorce reform: media, morality, and the politics of family." Family Process 46.1 (2007): 17-34. CINAHL Plus with Full Text. EBSCO. Web. 17 Mar. 2011. Alsthuler, M. K. (2006). Age Patterns in Divorce. American Journal of Family Law, 20(2), 133-137. Retrieved from EBSCOhost. Johnson, Colleen L. "Divorced and reconstituted families: Effects on the older generations." Generations 16.3 (1992): 17. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Web. 17 Mar. 2011. Nock, Steven L., James D. Wright, and Laura Sanchez. "America's Divorce Problem." Society 36.4 (1999): 43-52. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Web. 17 Mar. 2011. Roberts, James A., John F., Jr. Tanner, and Chris Manolis. "Materialism and the Family Structure-Stress Relation." Journal of Consumer Psychology 15.2 (2005): 183-190. PsycINFO. EBSCO. Web. 17 Mar. 2011. SMITH, MARK A. "Religion, Divorce, and the Missing Culture War in America." Political Science Quarterly 125.1 (2010): 57-85. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Web. 20 Mar. 2011. Wallerstein, J. S., & Lewis, J. M. (2004). The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: Report of a 25-Year Study.Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21(3), 353-370. doi:10.1037/0736-9735.21.3.353 Wolfinger, Nicholas H. "Parental Divorce and Offspring Marriage: Early or

15 Divorce and Generations Perceptions. Late?." Social Forces 82.1 (2003): 337-353. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.