Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Version: 1/00
New job
Faulty Taillight
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" demanded the
Policeman.
The driver jumped out of his car and ran to the rear of his vehicle.
“O God NO!” The driver’s distress was so great that the cop decided to
ease up on him.
"Aw, come now," said the cop, "Don't take it so hard. It isn't that
serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Where’s my boat and trailer?"
Lawyers
A lawyer walks into a courtroom, places his satchel on the floor, and says
"Your Honour, I rest my case."
Unfortunately, he was thrown in jail for showing the judge his briefs.
Shakespeare
Is it Male or Female?
Ziploc bags Male They hold everything in, but you can always
see straight through them.
Subway Male It uses the same old lines to pick people up.
More Q & A
Q: What has 100 teeth and can hold back a huge monster?
A: My zipper.
Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids
My Confession
It's Illegal
Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border. The French
Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It's illegal to put 5 people in a
Quattro."
"Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the papers:
this car is designed to carry 5 persons”, protests the driver.
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the customs agent.
"Quattro means 4!"
"Oh, god you are so stupid! Call your supervisor!", requests the driver.
"Sorry No”, say the customs man, “He’s busy with the 2 guys in the Fiat
Uno.
No Type Description
1 Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon. You both keep
at it until you're blue in the face.
2 Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have
sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen while
she's trying to wash the dishes.
3 Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit. Have kids, so you’ve got
to do it in the bedroom.
4 Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and
say, "F*** you!"
5 Courtroom This is when you get divorced and your wife screws
Sex. you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
Problems, Problems.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you got to help me!"
"What's your problem?" asks the Doc
“Every morning I wake up with my morning flagpole... I give the missus a
quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the
next door neighbour's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride. Once
I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the
photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls.
At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking.
For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing. Then, I go
home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the missus
another screw...”
"So" asked the Doc. "What's your problem?"
The guy replies, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
Y2K Jelly
Have you heard, the creators of KY Jelly have produced a new product?
It's called Y2K Jelly. Why's it so special? Well, it allows you to get four
digits in your date instead of two!
Little Willy
Little Willy keeps disrupting his third grade class by farting loudly. So his
teacher keeps him behind after school and insists on knowing why.
Willy says, "I do it, because I can do it better than anyone else!”
The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you
stop?" Little Willy agrees.
The teacher places two sheets of paper on the floor, and covers them
with equal amounts of chalk dust. Willy drops his pants, squats over the
paper and farts. He blows all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper.
The teacher drops her knickers, lifts her skirt, squats and farts. When
she finished and there is not a trace of chalk dust in sight. Willy is
amazed and asks if he can see her do it again.
She is willing and repeats the process. But this time Willy peeks up her
skirt.
"No wonder you won!" he exclaims indignantly, "You've got a Double-
Barrel!"
Yard word
A guy gets into his grubbiest clothes on a Saturday morning and sets
about all the chores his wife has been hassling him to do for weeks. He
cleans the garage, prunes the hedge, and is halfway through mowing the
lawn when a very attractive woman pulls up in her car. She yells out of
her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The guy thinks for a minute and answers,
"The lady that lives here lets me sleep with her."
End