Gasonga The Big Book of Insults

The Big Book of Insults

AKA

How to Be a Nasty Bastard!

Version: 1/00

Version date: September 2003

Collated by: http://gasonga.com/

Version: 1/00 Page No: 1

Gasonga The Big Book of Insults

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Version: 1/00 Page No: 2

Gasonga The Big Book of Insults

At work

• You’d be out of your depth in a puddle.

• You’re starting to make sense, I must need my medication.
• Don’t let you mind wonder its too small to be out on its own.
• If brains were taxed you’d get a rebate.
• If brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your hat off
• Go ahead and tell them everything you know, that should take about
10 seconds.
• I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to
get my head that far up my ass.
• He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again
he doesn't know the meaning of most words
• His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through.

When dating

• I not your type I’m not inflatable.

• What do you want to be when you grow up?
• You should sue the surgeon that did your face.
• How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
• I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
• I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors
found nothing.
• In conversation you are even duller than your letters.
• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Dress sense

• I remember when that was in fashion.

• It’s amazing what you can buy a charity shops these days.
• Did you make that yourself?
• I’ve seen wounds dressed better than that.
• Have you put on a lot of weight?
• I’ve got some curtains made from that material.
• Are you going for the grunge look?
• If that shirt was any shorter, we’d have to re-classify it as a belt.

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Gasonga The Big Book of Insults

About other people

• So now you know why cousins shouldn’t marry.

• Even blonde tell jokes about her.
• He’s so thick he trip over a cordless drill.
• He’s as useful as a chocolate fireguard.
• Any similarity between you and someone intelligent is purely
coincidental!
• Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
• Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough
oxygen at birth?
• Do you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull?
• I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
• He often finds himself lost in thought – ‘cause it's an unfamiliar
territory.

In the bedroom

• I’ve seen more life in a tramps vest.

• You don’t need a bra you need a couple of thimbles and a bit of
string.
• They say ignorance is bliss, so you must be the happiest person
alive.
• Have you got a magnifying glass I can use?
• I’m not going to eat anything that smells of dead fish.

To the other half

• If you were a car I’d trade you in.

• I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
• They say a woman's mind is cleaner than a man's, but that’s
because she changes it more often.
• I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
• You’re nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.
• I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

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Gasonga The Big Book of Insults

On the Road

• The middle one is the brake

• You must really get your monies worth from the AA.
• The heated rear window must be handy for when you’re pushing it.
• A lot of people seem to be sounding their horns today? Or hadn’t
you noticed.

End

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