Jokes Chat up Lines

Chat up Lines – The cheeky selection

Get Ready to Gasp

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Version date: Mar 2002

Collated by: http://Gasonga.com/

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Jokes Chat up Lines

Bestsellers for Adult Jokes from Amazon.com

Pretty Good Jokes

by Garrison Keillor Roy Blount Paula Poundstone Roy Blount
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Released: May, 2000 - ISBN: 1565113888
A Few More Pretty Good Jokes
by Garrison Keillor Calvin Trillin Highbridge Audio
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Sales Rank: 19,958 - Avg. Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)
Released: 24 October, 2002 - ISBN: 1565117298
Selected Poetry of Ogden Nash: 650 Rhymes, Verses, Lyrics, and Poems
by Ogden Nash Archibald MacLeish
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Sales Rank: 32,004 - Avg. Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Released: September, 1995 - ISBN: 1884822304
The Friars Club Encyclopaedia of Jokes: 2,000 One-Liners, Straight Lines, Stories, Gags, Roasts, Ribs
and Put-Downs
by H. Aaron Cohl H. Aarron Cohl Alan King
Our Price: $14.98
Sales Rank: 43,512 - Avg. Rating: 3.7 (out of 5)
Released: December, 1997 - ISBN: 1884822630
1000 Knock Knock Jokes for Kids
by Michael Kilgarriff Ltd Staff Ward Lock
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Sales Rank: 15,226 - Avg. Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Released: May, 1990 - ISBN: 0345334817
More of the Best of Milton Berle's Private Joke File: 10,000 Of the World's Funniest Gags, Anecdotes,
and One -Liners
by Milton Berle Milton Rosen Milt Rosen
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Sales Rank: 111,931 - Avg. Rating: 5 (out of 5)
Released: August, 1996 - ISBN: 0785807195
Batman: The Killing Joke
by Alan Moore Brian Bolland Dennis O'Neil
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Sales Rank: 4,857 - Avg. Rating: 4.6 (out of 5)
Released: December, 1995 - ISBN: 0930289455
Limericks, Limericks, Limericks
by Frank Oppel
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Sales Rank: 1,440,421 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
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Herobear and the Kid: The Inheritance
by Mike Kunkel
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Sales Rank: 57,211 - Avg. Rating: 4.3 (out of 5)
Released: May, 2003 - ISBN: 0972125914
500 Clean Jokes and Humorous Stories: And How to Tell Them
by Rusty Wright Linda Raney Wright
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Sales Rank: 98,694 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: October, 1998 - ISBN: 1577482441

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Jokes Chat up Lines

Chat up lines

That shirt looks very becoming on you. Of course if I were on you I’d be coming too.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.

Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.

Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes!

That dress looks nice. Of course, it’d look even better crumpled up in the corner of my bedroom.

Are you lost? Because heavens a long way from here.

Pardon me, is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I keep seeing myself in your pants.

Hey baby, want to sit on my lap and well talk about the first thing that pops up!?

(Check females shirt tag) ... Just as I thought, made in heaven!

Were your parents Greek gods? Because it takes two gods to make a goddess.

Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

Nice to meet you, I’m (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?

Were you in the girl Guides? Because you’ve tied my heart in a knot.

Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?

If you were a car I’d wax you and ride you all over town.

I’ve been a bad boy, so spank me.

Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

Nice dress. Can I take you out of it?

Hey baby, as long as I have a face you have a place to sit!

I’m a freelance gynaecologist. How long has it been since your last check up?

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Jokes Chat up Lines

My face is leaving in ten minutes... are you going to be on it or not?

Screw me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Gretchen?

Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?

If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

I’m new in town, could I get directions to your place?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!

Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No, Huh ... So you want to
go somewhere and talk?

That’s a nice shirt...could I talk you out of it?

(Female at the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Mind if I help?

That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.

Hi, I’m conducting a feel test to see how many women here have pierced nipples...

Are you religious? Cause I’m the answer to all your prayers!

I love every bone in your body...especially mine.

Are you O.K.? Because heavens a long fall from here.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

Can I borrow a quarter? Cause my mom told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.

Was it love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!

Hey, here’s the word for the day: legs. What do you say we go upstairs and spread the word?!

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Hey Baby! I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feedbag!

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Jokes Chat up Lines

Hey its cold, can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

Why don’t you sit on my lap and well get things straight between the two of us.

Hi! Want to go get some pizza and screw? What you don’t like pizza?

You know, Id really love to screw your brains out, but it appears someone has beaten me to it.

You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book. So, what’s one more?

Walk up to a lady at a social gathering (party, club, etc.) and simply ask, "Are you ready to go
home now?”

At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask, "Want a roll?"

You know, you’ve got the prettiest teeth I’ve ever dreamed of coming across.

That’s a really nice smile you’ve got, shame that’s not all you are wearing.

OK, you can stand next to me as long as you don’t talk about the heat.

Ask girl if she likes jewellery. Then grab your nuts and say, Then suck this, it’s a gem!

You’re No Parking right? Just trying to guess your sign.

Why don’t you surprise your roommate/parents and not go home tonight?

Good looking waitress pouring a drink: Say when! Guy: As soon as I finish this drink.

I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.

I know a great way to burn off the calories from that pastry you just ate.

Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like
to?

I’m a doctor! , Stand back, You get an ambulance and Ill loosen her clothes.

If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

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Jokes Chat up Lines

Hey baby, want to play carnival? That’s where you sit on my face and I guess your age and weight.

You: Tickle your ass with a feather? Her: What?! You: I said Particular nice weather?'!

Hey baby, want to play train conductor? OK. You sit on my face and Ill Chew, chew, chew!, choo!

Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No???
Well, lets go on a picnic and find out!

Stand back, I’m a police officer! You go call for backup and Ill frisk her!

Do you have a library card? Good, cause I want to check you out!

Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.

Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?

Can I borrow a quarter? [why?] Cause I want to call your mom and thank her!

My name is ______. Just remember that, so you’ll know what to scream later.

Your daddy must have been a baker, cause you sure have a nice set of buns!

Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?

Can I have directions? (to where?) To your heart!

You know what would look good on you? Me!

Excuse me, but I’m a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?

Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, Hi
Kate! She says, I’m not Kate! And you say, as your hand slips a little lower,
But you sure feel like her!

Overheard in a computer lab: Just because our computers are incompatible doesn’t mean we are!

Hey baby, want to lock crotches and swap gravy?

Hey, didn’t we go to different schools together?

I’m on fire, can I run through your sprinkler?

Hey baby, what's your sign? All you can eat?

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Jokes Chat up Lines

Hi! I'm Big Brother, and I've been watching you!

Where have you been all my life?

In the produce department: How can you tell if these things are ripe?

Don’t worry about it. Nothing that you’ve ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is
that were together.

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?

If I follow you home, will you keep me?

Go up to a girl and tell her she has nice legs ...then ask would she mind if you named them. She
says ok, and you say ok this one is Thanksgiving and that one is Christmas ... would you mind if I
visited between the holidays?

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

As she's leaving....Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What, Me!

Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!

Want to see my stamp collection?

Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't inches and it isn’t floppy.

Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just
practice?

Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your tooth, mind if I lick it off?

Do you know how to use a whip?

Are those space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world!

Somebody better call God, cause he's missing an angel!

Hi, I'm an American Express man ... You shouldn't go home without me!

Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.

Excuse me is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?

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Jokes Chat up Lines

I've got the ship, you've got the harbour...what say we tie up for the night?

Pardon me, what pickup line works best with you?

Forget Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynaecologist.

Have you got a tan line? Can I see it?

If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.

Do you have a map? I just get lost in your eyes.

Do you have a boy friend? Well, when you want a Man friend, come and talk to me!

If your parents hadn't met I'd be very a very unhappy man right now!

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blowjob? No! Want to do lunch?

Hey baby, sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better!

Motion your finger for girl to come over to you, when she gets there say, I just made you come
with one finger, imagine what I could do with TWO!

I hope you know CPR, cause you take my breath away!

Hey, you must be a light switch, cause every time I see you, you turn me on!

I didn't know that angels could fly so low!

Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo back at my place!

Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?

Do you want to hear a joke that'll make you laugh your tits off? ... Oh, you've already heard it!

I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.

Hey, you’re like a broom, you just swept me off my feet.

Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?"
She says no. Then wink.

I'm not drunk; I'm just intoxicated by your beauty.

Take an ice-cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with
me?"

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Jokes Chat up Lines

I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?

Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else on earth like you!

Hey, How would you like to join me in some math? We'll add you and me, subtract our clothes,
divide your legs, and multiply!

Hi, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock anytime!

Hey, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll give you a good slamming

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

You must be one hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room

If god made anything prettier, I hope he kept it for himself.

I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours?

Hey, your eyes remind me of monkey wrench, every time I look into them my nuts tighten!

If you were a flower, I would pick you!

Hey baby, is your name Gillette? Cause you're the best a man can get!

Hi, my name's coffee, cause I'll keep you up all night!

I hope you don't mind me giving you this rose, but, I just had to show it how you beautiful you
are.

Honey, you're just like a rifle, one cock and you blow.

My name's Snickers, cause I'll really satisfy you.

Excuse me, do you work for Federal Express? I couldn't help but notice you checking out my
package.

Hey, I just got a new waterbed! Want to make some waves?

Hey, I'm a musician ... want to come see my organ?

Nice Legs............What time do they open?

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Jokes Chat up Lines

Is that a ladder in your panties or the stairway to heaven?

Hey baby, I hear your like a hardware store, 10 cents a screw!

Do you sleep on your stomach? ["No."] Can I?

Is your man made out of glass? ["What?"] Is your man made out of glass?
["No, why?"] Drop him; he won't break.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

You must be from Jamaica, because Jamaican me crazy.

End

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