Jokes Acid

Jokes

Acid – The bitterest ever selection about women

Get Ready to Gasp

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Version date: Mar 2002

Collated by: http://Gasonga.com/

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Jokes Acid

Bestsellers for Erotic Horror from Amazon.com

Story of the Eye

by Georges Bataille Joachim Neugroschel
Our Price: $9.95
Sales Rank: 11,516 - Avg. Rating: 4.2 (out of 5)
Released: September, 1987 - ISBN: 0872862097
The Beloved
by M. D. Gray
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Sales Rank: 57,883 - Avg. Rating: 4.4 (out of 5)
Released: February, 1998 - ISBN: 0965970140
Eternal Temptation Volume 2: A Gallery Girls Book
by Various
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Sales Rank: 702,665 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 01 September, 2001 - ISBN: 0865620407
Dark Seductions: Tales of Erotic Horror
by Alice Alfonsi John Scognamiglio
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Sales Rank: 65,309 - Avg. Rating: 3.7 (out of 5)
Released: September, 2001 - ISBN: 0758200471
Dying for It: More Erotic Tales of Unearthly Love
by Gardner Dozois
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Sales Rank: 205,240 - Avg. Rating: 5 (out of 5)
Released: October, 1997 - ISBN: 0061053619
Kink: A Novel
by Kathe Koja
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Sales Rank: 242,680 - Avg. Rating: 3.5 (out of 5)
Released: June, 1996 - ISBN: 0805043918
Superheroes: The Heroic Visions of Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell
by Nigel Suckling Boris Vallejo Julie Bell
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Sales Rank: 269,556 - Avg. Rating: 3.7 (out of 5)
Released: 10 October, 2001 - ISBN: 1560253398
Daughters of Darkness Volume Two : A Gallery Girls Book
by Various
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Sales Rank: 479,698 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 15 July, 1998 - ISBN: 0865620113
Bound in Blood: The Erotic Journey of a Vampire
by David Thomas Lord
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Sales Rank: 63,471 - Avg. Rating: 3.8 (out of 5)
Released: May, 2001 - ISBN: 1575667649
Crimson Embrace Volume Five: A Gallery Girls Book
by Various
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Sales Rank: 665,452 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 15 April, 1999 - ISBN: 0865620172

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Jokes Acid

Seminars For Women

1. "Are you ready to leave?" -- Definition of the word "yes"

2. Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly "Does my bum look big in this?")
3. Elementary Map Reading
4. Crying and law enforcement
5. Advanced Math Seminar -- Program your VCR
6. Yes, You can go shopping for less then 4 hours
7. Gaining five pounds v. the end of the world: a study in contrast
8. The Seven-Outfit Week
9. PMS -- It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine!
10. Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission
11. Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights
12. Driving III: Approximating a constant speed
13. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving--It's As Simple As Oil and Water
14. The Super Bowl: Not a Game--A Sacrament
15. Telephone Translations (was: "Me too" equals "I Love You")
16. How to Earn Your Own Money
17. Gift giving Fundamentals (was: Fabric Bad, Electronics Good)
18. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
19. Know When to Say When: The Limits of Makeup
20. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
21. We forget birthdays, you forget sports stats: LET'S LET IT DROP
22. MYOB: Proper response to other couple's public arguments
23. Yes, You Can Buy Condoms (was: WE learned to deal with the embarrassment)
24. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
25. What Goes Around Comes Around--Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
26. The Penis: His Best Friend Can Be Yours
27. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
28. Commitment Schmittment (was: Wedlock Schmedlock)
29. "To Honour and Obey:" Remembering the small print above "I Do"
30. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
31. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimised Sensitive Man-child Healing his Father Wound
by Expressing the Latent Wild Man Within?

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Jokes Acid

The Secret To Women’s Language

Fine:
This is the word women use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but
need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one
of those arguments.

Five minutes:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last
before we take out the trash, so they feel that it's an even trade.

Nothing:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the
feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine".

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows):

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow
"Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A
"Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her
time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

Soft Sigh:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay
content.

Oh:
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked
to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not
walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes
out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more
to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that
I can't bring myself to write about them.

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Jokes Acid

That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay"
means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is
that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with
a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned,
you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do:
This is not a statement - it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with
whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair
chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

Thanks A Lot:
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked
off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the
"Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you
"Nothing".

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Jokes Acid

The battle of the sexes - for him

Q. Why did the supermodel stare at the orange juice carton?

A. The label said concentrate.

Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A. A woman that won't do what she’s told.

Q. Why are hangovers better than woman?

A. You can make a hangover go away.

Q. Why do men have shorter lives than their wives?

A. They want to.

Q. Why did god make men first?

A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?

A. You only have to take the bin out once a week.

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None, they just sit in the dark and moan.

Q. Losing a wife can be hard.

A. In my case it was damn near impossible.

Q. Wife: Let's ho out and have some fun tonight.

A. Husband: Ok, if you get in first leave the light on.

Q. Why do woman get married in white

A. They want to match the other household appliances.

Q. Why do men with pierced ears make good husbands?

A. They've experiences pain and know how to buy jewellery.

Q. What's the best way to remember your wife birthday?

A. Forget it once.

Q. Why did god create eve?

A. Adam's leaf needed ironing.

Q. Why do women have small feet?

A. So they can stand closer to the cooker.

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Jokes Acid

Girl speak To English Dictionary translation table

She says English

You want You want
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want You'll pay for this later

We need to talk I need to complain

Sure...go ahead I don't want you to.
I'm not upset Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly You need a shave and you smell!

You're certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! or overreacting! I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. I want a new house

I want new curtains … and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper...

Hang the picture there No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like..
I'll be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? [Too late, your dead.]

Yes No
No No
Maybe No

I'm sorry. You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
I'm not yelling! Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The same old thing. Nothing.

Nothing. Everything.
Everything. My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. It's just that you're such an asshole.
I don't want to talk about it. Go away, I'm still building up evidence against you.

End

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