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CONTENTS

Acknowledgements Introduction Chapter 1 Life in the late 1950s, early 60s Chapter 2 Brotherly Love for himself Chapter 3 Lady Topazs search for love Chapter 4 Love the one youre with Chapter 5 Lady Aquamarine & hateful Mom Chapter 6 Lady Sapphire -twenty-two years Chapter 7 Work, Play or Both Chapter 8 Lady Diamonds loneliness Chapter 9 Lady Jades hidden truth Chapter 10 Lady Rubys sexual desires Chapter 11 Lady Moonstone and addiction Chapter 12 Lady Opals Epilogue Short Stories/Memories The Sexual Lifestyle of people Men can learn from women Signs of falling IN and OUT of Love How to see if they are cheating on you Healing from the past so you can let go Poem: Healing from the past so you can let go Starting over, weve heard the words My Final Thoughts/Comments To the reader of this book Page 216 Page 220 Page 6 Page 8 Page 14 Page 30 Page 40 Page 56 Page 70 Page 82 Page 108 Page 124 Page 134 Page 146 Page 158 Page 200 Page 202

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To all the women in this book: Most of you will be disturbed reading what I have written about our relationship, others may be surprised that I loved you as much as I did. All of you will feel I missed beautiful experiences that should have been. I can tell all of you that this book originally contained many more experiences, but removed due to the size of the manuscript becoming too large. All of the experiences told within this book will be as seen through my eyes. As the saying goes, It is as it is or maybe more so As it once was. To my family members: My older sister truly contributed to my life. She has since passed away due to cancer, leaving me with the loving memory of her guidance through my younger years. She truly raised me to be a responsible adult and to be accountable for my actions. My niece, in her early twenty's, showed me her courage, by taking upon herself to raise three of her own sisters children. Those children today have become parents themselves, I hope they are continuing to love their Aunt for giving up so much to raise and love them. Everyone else in my immediate family, by their actions, showed me everything I never wanted to be. To Lady Opal: You have been the one so troubled reading this book. However, this book is a special tribute to you for loving me as long as you had. During a job interview, one of the questions asked of me was who my favorite hero is. I answered, without hesitation, saying it was YOU. I did not get the position offered, but I still have the memory of my hero. Over the years, the beautiful memories that we shared seemed replaced by the bad ones because of what we had done to each other. I am left only with the hopes of us being friends, as we started out to be so many years ago. Hoping that we both wish the other to be happy someday, knowing it could never be with each other. To those who have known me: I hope I have contributed to your life in a positive way, even if my contribution has long been forgotten. My wishes are that you act upon any opportunity to do for others, as I have done for you. I know that many of you had heard what happened to me and not attempted to contact me. I sure your reasons were that you feared that I may have asked for your help. Help that you were not prepared to offer. I know, even if you did not, I would have never asked anything of you. It still would have been nice to have had heard from you, showing me that you cared. I guess that is what makes people different from each other.

INTRODUCTION
THIS IS A STORY of a mans dream in a search of a loving relationship. His dreams created from watching the old time romantic movies (viewed in black and white) which always seem to have a happy ending. What this man learns from his life experiences is to be careful of what we dream of having it just might come true, but seldom will it work out for you. This is not a childrens book, nor is it about some macho man placing notches on his belt of the women he bedded. It is about a mans observation, seen through his eyes, of the relationships he had with the women in his life. I am this man and nothing special separates me from any other man. If there is, then the answer may lie within the pages of this book. It will be easy for everyone to be judgmental about what you read within this book, but this book is about relationships, and I ask that you focus on the experiences that take place. My hopes are that you will ask yourself what caused, or why, these events happen and not be judgmental based on the outcome of an event. This book will detail types of relational experiences that two, sometimes three, people can have. These relationships will encompass at least one-detailed intimate or intense sexual experience. These normal experiences should not distract from a mans search for a loving relationship. The question we have to ask ourselves, how much does sex contributes to us falling in love? It may be that one is extremely sexual and the other is mistaking lust, for love, which seldom last for more than three months. Some will have sex with others just to be touched in a loving way. In most cases, I really believe having a beautiful sexual experience can create the beginning stages of falling in love, by one or both. We will find ourselves asking the question, is "LOVE" just another four-letter word? Are the words I love you, just used to manipulate the emotional trust and commitment of another? I have seen the loving commitment of a person perceived as a sign of weakness rather than the devotion that it is. If I have learned anything from being in a relationship, I do know that no woman respects a man who lets her have everything she wants. I have also learned that love between two people will not be enough to keep them together. No matter what befalls them,

the key to having a lasting relationship is to have continued communication between each other. Most of the women mentioned in this book have successfully moved on many years ago and others continue to be in contact with me. I have tried not to kiss-and-tell everything, yet I have to tell something of the relationship we shared. In either case, my intentions were never to open any unhealed wounds that would affect their lives today or their families. I will neither confirm nor deny the identity of any of these women. To protect their privacy, I have given all these women the name of a jewel stone (i.e. Lady Topaz). The word Lady, before this stone name, will identify us as having a serious relationship, and the less serious will have a fictitious name without the word Lady prefixes. To understand each relationship in detail, each Lady will have her own chapter. They may also appear in continuing, or overlapping, chapters. The chapters themselves will be in the sequence of when these relationships evolved. There are always three sides to the truth of every story: my own, theirs, and a combination of both. I feel the combination of both will be closer to the truth than either of us would have ever realized. During my writings of this book, I am sure there are moments where my emotions have exceeded my thoughts as a writer. You will have to forgive my emotional sensitivity to that experience. I also would never intentionally want to offend anyone, but been told that I have been more honest than others wish I had been. The truth has an unsettling way of showing up in your own mirror, as it has mine.

WHEN A WOMAN TURNS FORTY YEARS OF AGE?


My experience tells me that something happens to some women, not all, when they reach or just surpass the age of forty. They seem to pause and take a measurement of their happiness to date. If they have not found the man of their dreams by that age, then they seem to feel that they need to lower their expectations of a man. Its almost as if they see themselves in a mirror becoming older and begin telling themselves that no man will want them. Certainly, there are women, and men alike, who are searching for younger, party-types people to enjoy. In my opinion, I do not believe they would seriously consider spending the rest of their life

with them. I truly, and lovingly, believe that women at age forty are just starting to become attractive to those serious minded mature men. These men are tired of the games that younger women continue to play. Those in their 50s or older, are searching for a more mature and experienced mate. The ones that will offer them the type of happiness desired in their golden years. Ladies, your best years are NOT behind you, they are ahead of you. Do not surrender to depression and hopelessness because you cannot find the person of your dreams. You need to stop searching for them and let them find you. All you need is an upbeat positive attitude and show respect for yourself and to others. You will attract those who have those same qualities. How can you be sure you found the right one? Its nothing that you will be able to see when meeting a person, but you will know by how they treat you. There is no way I can expect you to believe all this until you reach my age of sixty or older. You will understand one day that age is just a number. Your outward personality will show how you really feel about yourself, and your age will not matter to others. I definitely do not feel old, and do find myself immature at times, but always in a loving way. I also do not consider myself as being normal by any means. Most women do notice that I have a positive attitude and do seem to warm up to me rather quickly, never thinking I am as old as I really am. People have asked me, what type of woman am I looking for? The only answer I can give them is that I do not have a type. The women who seem to be attracted to me are those in their forties and fifties. They seem to enjoy my company and sense of humor. I have always been able to talk with women easier than talking with men. I have learned a lot from listening to them, especially as to how they feel towards men. The types of women I have met are: -Some hating men, feeling betrayed by types of men who they always seem to find themselves attracted to. -Those who have sadly surrendered their hopes of finding the right man, and willing to accept any man they can call their own. -Those who have sacrificed their best years living with a man without love, so their children could have a better life. -Others, because of their painful loving memories from the past, have decided not to let any man get close to them again.

As women become experienced, they finally decide they want more quality from one man, instead of less from a number of them.

LOVE, IS A TWO-EDGE SWORD


There are three types of loving experiences: loving me, loving them, loving each other. There are also three levels of loving: family loving, casual friendship loving, and being in love with someone like never before. It is common to tell family and friends that we love them, and they do understand the meaning and level of your love for them. Then there are some people who hear those warm loving words from you, and perceive that your meaning is that you are in or falling in love with them. You ask yourself, why cant people easily understand what you truly meant? It will never be about how you meant it; it will be what it meant to them. All words have a meaning but the words I Love you is a word that has a meaning that can and will affect your life, and others, forever. Life has taught me that falling in love with someone is never a planned experience. Love seems to choose for us the where, when, and who it will be. We seldom see love coming, and yet always seem to embrace it after it arrives. Do not ignore love at first sight, it is very real, and does happen. However, I do believe it only really happens between soul mates. You can love more than one person at a time because each person shows love to you in a different way. Love really is a double-edged sword, experiencing the best of love when together, and the worse after losing that special someone forever. I have, like most of us, made the mistake of trying to love for two, believing the other couldnt show their love as well as. Then one day you awaken to find they are gone, leaving a note behind saying how unhappy they were. They have conveniently forgotten the words you heard so often from them such as, Love You Forever Babe. I now believe the reason why someone loses their love for another, is the loss of communication between them. Maybe one took the other for granted feeling they would be there, or stopped doing the special things that the other once loved about them. You need to learn that continued communication is, and always will be, the key to a successful relationship, married or not. The love you have for each other will

never be enough, and you will believe it when one stops listening to the other. Most people meet by chance through a family, friend, or coworker. I believe there is always a reason why we meet a person, soul mate or not. You will recognize your soul mates by how that person affects you emotionally. I believe we are only supposed to meet them at various times/ages of our life. Our experiences with them will change our life for better or worse.

NEW CONCEPT ON MARRIAGE


I have been married twice and those relationships are within this book. The institution of marriage has been the choice for many who have made the decision to spend their lives together. I believe it has become a business where you pay before (i.e. planning of the wedding, chapels, county licenses, etc.), during (accumulating assets together, having children, etc.), and you will pay afterward (divorce attorney, alimony, child support, etc.) like many marriages that end unhappily. Divorce attorneys have a motto, if you see red (continue hating/fighting each other), then they see green (more money that they can continue to bill both of you), until you decide to settle your differences so a divorce can be granted by the court. Your attorneys will spend their lunch hour together sharing a few laughs about the both of you, while continuing to bill you saying they were negotiating on your behalf. Some couples agree never to marry, because they both want to avoid the emotional and financial strain of ending a marriage. The experiences you have with each other over time, good or bad, will change how you see and feel about each other. If by chance the marriage does not last, then there should be reasonable guidelines to end the marriage easily. Divorce guidelines like having a fixed cost and a fix time for completion of it. I even believe the minor children of the relationship should have a court ordered attorney to represent their welfare. Marriage these days, for all that it was supposed to be, may have become obsolete for many couples. I propose an enhancement to the marriage process and its laws. This would not be a replacement of a marriage license, but rather another type of marriage license with a different twist. For lack of a better name, I would call it a Marriage LEASE license or MLL. You both would sign and then file this MLL like any other marriage

license. The MLL would be a contract of commitment, agreeing to stay together for a fixed calendar period. The terms of a MLL would be very much like an auto vehicle lease, committing to a number of months (i.e. 12, 24, and 36) with an expiration date in the future. A MLL prenuptial is required, documenting all preowned items before the signing of the MLL. When the MLL expires, so does the contractual commitment to each other and division of the MLL prenuptial assets, along with any other items of value where one of you can show proof of purchase. Undocumented assets will have to be given or sold to the other, else outright sold splitting the profits between them. With this MML, there are no lawyers, no marriage mediation, no divorce, and no waste of excessive time and monies in order to go your separate ways. If you have children born of the relationship, the Family Court will review your living arrangement proposal for them. If that proposal is not acceptable by the Family court, then joint custody will be the decision along with identifying which parent will have physical custody. The Family Courts will also identify child support needs and all payments paid via the courts, to prevent financial child abuse.

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