Feb 2012

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Eves Times
Febuary 2012
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February 2012
Eves Times
Armor for Abandoned Women

equitably in case of separation or desertion, is a much welcome move. It is heartening to know that the Planning Commissions working group on Womens Agency and Empowerment wants a comprehensive legislation and that the right to Marital Property Act to be brought in would be applicable to all communities. The panel also wants a complete relook at family laws. The committee, which had representatives from the ministries of law and home, also suggested a review of laws related to maintenance to ensure that separated women and children got an adequate amount of maintenance and custody rights. It suggested removing all discriminatory provisions in existing laws that link a womans conduct with the grant of maintenance. The panel says that laws should be framed with a view to place the onus on the husband to prove his income and the quantum of maintenance award should enable the wife and children to live at the same standard of living that they have been used to. The government should be made responsible for recovery of the maintenance amount, along with creation of a fund to pay the maintenance awarded by the court, particularly to poor litigants. If the recommendations are passed, then innumerable women leading lives of indignity and misery after separation , with meager financial resources to raise their children and lack of support from their families or the society will escape from the clutches of fate and ensure that they can raise a healthy future generation. Coming during the month when we are introspecting about relationships, it is a much appreciated step to ease the lot of Indian women who have been left in the lurch by their husband or partner!
inds of change have been blowing in the recent past, interspersed with the almost unavoidable unsavoury occurrences. We have been witness to a few astounding developments, be it the scrapping of all 2 G licences or the announcement of the recommendations of the government panel on equal property rights among couples. The Valentine week has good news for couples married or in live-in relationship. Gripped as it is by mass plagiarism of western values, an entire generation of young India is adopting western values without considering the consequences of such massive attitude changes; whether they are good enough to replace our own rich heritage and cultural moorings or whether we have the social infrastructure to contend with the consequences of the drastic changes in values and lifestyles. The nation is moving ahead as though blindfolded and left in a maze! In the process, those who are weak and vulnerable, especially women belonging to the lower economic strata, children born out of wedlock as well as those from broken homes, street children and a huge number of girls in the rural areas as well as urban working women and minor girls languishing in abusive relationships are the ones affected by a skewed legal system. While we are almost immune to shocking news, it was still heart wrenching to see baby Falak struggling for her life or hear the news that the minor girl who brought her to the hospital is in a live-in relationship with a much married man. If we do not take steps to alter age old laws and provide home and shelter for those affected, we will soon be a nation of single mothers with children, abandoned children, a still lower sex ratio unfavourable to the girl child, abusive relationships and the almost indestructible dowry culture. In this context, the panels suggestion that all moveable and immovable assets acquired by a married couple or a couple living together be classified as joint property which would be divided
Ciao!
Swati Amar
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Eves Times
February 2012
Contents
Womens Clarion Call 12
Relation Status 19
The Sweetest Joy 6
AD
Mens Musings 15
Regulars
Salt n Pepper Korner 37 Cook n Smile Valentine Reci pes 38 Jus Ask Brinda 40
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Contents
Womens Clarion Call 12
Marriage A lifetime relationshi p 41
A Daughter Leaves 44
Love through Quick Wit 36 the Ages 28

Graffiti 31 Canteen Banter 32 Jest 4 Laug hs 33 Yeah Write 34
Teen Mag 25
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Regulars
Eves Times
Vol. 7 No. 181 Rs. 30.00
February 2012
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Colours of Love
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Eves Times
Colours of Love
February 2012
TheWildest Woe Joy Sweetest The

Kirthi Jayakumar
e take a risk when we open our hearts because the truth is, if we open our hearts, we will get hurt. You cant open your heart and not
have some hurt because youre in a human experience. Even if its the love of your life and you have many wonderful, deepening, growing, powerful
years together, its a human experience, and that person will pass over. Love takes courage. Be courageous Mary Manin Morrissey
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She was in class ten, he was in class twelve. He was every girls dream, with his chocolate brown eyes and creamy smooth skin, floppy hair and a penchant for sports and music. The teachers wouldnt chide him, but look at him with a mild amusement and zero anger when he fell out of their good books- such was his charm. She was at the top of her class, ready to take on the world as her board exams loomed before her. Scoring straight As and with laurels aplenty to her credit, She was the perfect role model for young girls. And then one fine day, he swept her off her feet, and she fell for his charm. For eight months, they were the Brangelina of school, the cynosure of all eyes. In those rose-tinted eight months, she put everything on hold, as her relationship burgeoned and bloomed. Come home to meet my parents, no? She asked, many a time. No, Im busy. Nope What for? Eh, come on now dont be a child! Her feather head didnt notice any of the signs- this was nothing serious, this was barely anything important for him. Distracted as she was, down went her grades, down went her laurels. He was her world, her everything. And then he dropped the bomb. Im off to the US next year after the Boards, we should break up. She begged, she pleaded, she cried. Her studies went in the opposite direction, her grades plummeted. Her ambitions slept, remaining dormant and rotting. Hackneyed as this may sound,
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this happens to be the tale of many a girl, nearly everywhere, at this age. A gregarious youngster can whittle down into a timorous parody of the real person he or she was, believing that being in a relationship is sublime, and even assuming that all else has an equal place, or something about that extent is nothing short of profane. Are you the kind of person that is hooked onto the idea of Mills and Boon, or sweet sixteen romances packaged and presented in the leaves of a book? Heres a simple caveat before you fall headlong into one of the toughest pits of your life- it is perhaps interesting to say the least, as long as it remains just a recreation; and most definitely troublesome, if you let it lead the way you live your life. Albeit sounding like an unholy cross between good ol Scrooge and The Grinch, the strong support of experience- perhaps the best teacher in the University of Life- coupled with a brief perusal of varied literature and media of different forms backs me up. Technically, man being a social animal, is in need of relationships, associations, alliances. He builds these connections around him to ensure that he lives in a state of collectiveness, rather than isolation. And who wants to live in an ivory tower? Right. So as time and people evolved, culture and tradition decided to precede every endeavour that man came up with, by seeking to streamline it with the appropriate modus operandirules were made, accepted
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behaviour was established as including this-and-that. And man lived happily, at least for some time. When the winds of the new and modern blew, these traditions were thrown into disarray by the advent of something terrible: the era of precociousness. Suddenly, young people were beginning to say, see, read and do things beyond what was acceptable for their age. You have the rules, we have the exceptions. This became their buzzword, their cherished war cry, as they pounced into relationships and began falling in love. Gone were the days where movies dispensed with kissing scenes to show a suggestive picture of two birds together, or two roses leaning over one another. Sex, sleaze and indecency began selling like hotcakes, while youngsters began donning skimpier clothing, drinking and smoking, and acting like seasoned spouses in the twilight days of their marriage. Do I sound like someone from the 1930s? Maybe. But do I make sense? Yes. The bottom-line is simple. No matter what the era, what the culture or the region, youngsters are youngsters, and toeing the line is definitely not acceptable. How do some of the citys teenagers feel about this? I decided to play devils advocate, and set up two very intelligent teenagers against each other, while they beat the subject with divergent views. Divya Desikan, a buoyant teenager who has just moved to Chennai feels, Though I get teased a lot for thinking this way, Im happy with my perspective- that relationships are not something teenagers should take to. Ive learned from my parents that you need a certain degree of maturity to handle relationships and I think as teenagers, we still dont have that degree of responsibility. But Smriti Kumar (name changed on request), a smart youngster just having entered college, had a quick repartee. I dont believe that we are underage for a relationship. The fact is, relationships prime us for the future, for the big responsibility of marriage itself. Although both girls had valid points to make in this
February 2012
regard, Divya made a clean sweep in her favour, with her masterpiece quote: Marriage is a whole lot different from relationships that teenagers have. And besides, if you swing downwards on the precarious spot in the cliff that you stand on, while in a precocious relationship, you might wind up being scarred for life! Their exchange egged me onto venturing in some digging around. I set out on a mission, to evaluate the general mindset of youngsters across the city vis--vis relationships. I had a survey set up online, and circulated it to as many as thirty teenagers and twenty teenyboppers, to find out what they believe is the right thing to do.
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I was appalled to note that an astounding 90% believed that being in relationships before they are mentally mature is no big deal, and doubly shocked out of my wits to know that the very same percentage suggested a proclivity for keeping these things outside the spectrum of their parents knowledge. Of my respondents, there were 20 teenagers in relationships. The simple minority, however, was completely at the other extreme- that they would not indulge in relationships, and not indulge in anything that their own parents would be unaware of. My curiosity was piqued. Did it not strike the girls as odd that their boyfriends didnt want to meet their
parents? I had a unanimous No in response. The response that shook me most was the temerity these youngsters had, wherein about 74% of the respondents suggested that they would give up their own personal ambitions and aspirations if it would affect their relationship. To Aditi Dasgupta, a student pursuing her Ph.D. in Behavioural Sciences in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, the trend is least surprising. A lot of youngsters grow up on a diet of media and literary influences that suggest a heavy proclivity for their precocious side to bloom. It is considered cool to have a boyfriend and is often believed to be the in-thing. Owing to this
tendency, there are even those who would otherwise abstain, give in to peer-pressure. So is there something that can be done to remedy this? Parents play a huge role in shaping the trajectory of the lives of every teenager. It is necessary to build a firm foundation, where the children draw their parents into confidence and tell them everything that happens in their lives. This is the best way to ensure that children remain within the accepted yardstick and indulge in age-appropriate conduct. The writing is on the wall, and in simple terms at that. If you can only pursue a masters degree after a bachelors degree, why then must you jump the gun on other fronts?
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Eves Times
February 2012
A Meeting of Two Souls

Dharma Raman
or romance. It was more a marriage between families if elders agreed upon a match, it was fixed without even letting the prospective couple know! Both my grand mothers were married off when they were children before attaining puberty. And both of them shared wonderful relationships with their respective husbands. My paternal grandfather was a prosperous businessman who started life from scratch his was a rags-to-riches story. And my grandmother struggled with him as he moved from one town to another trying out new ventures, supporting him in his quest for success with five children in tow. And eventually, when grandfather made it big, he gave her a lot of credit even attributed everything to her luck. He fondly called her aey
ove is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own - Robert A. Heinlein married in June last year. She is in our home now. We would like to meet you. When I get this typical phone call from a gentleman in his sixties, I am certain that the daughter is not home for a break in the normal sense. And being a lawyer practising in Family Courts more by default than by choice, I see a lot of young couples approach the courts for legal redress for their marital disharmony. We all know that marriage is no more sacrosanct now. About six decades ago, child marriages were performed as a matter of routine. There was no question of chemistry, compatibility
Madam, my daughter got
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pennaey ( literally- hey, girl!) even when they were in their sixties with a dozen grandchildren! In turn, grandmother looked up to him as a role model and fashioned her life around him. Even his ill temper and at times unreasonable expectations were considered virtues. As for my maternal grandparents, they were a cool couple, sharing a lot of camaraderie, pulling each others legs, arguing and teasing one another. Grandfather loved reading and music. Grandmother understood neither. But she was a shrewd woman with a sharp memory and supported her husband with her frugal life style and thrifty habits. And when they lost a daughter-in-law to cancer, they stood by each other as solid rocks, supporting their son and grandchildren till the end. My parents had opposite personalities. My mother is conservative, orthodox and has rigid views on everything. My father was fun loving, progressive and gregarious. He loved his drink and non vegetarian food. Even if they did not agree on many things, they loved and respected each other. My father was demanding he depended on my mother for everything. And my mother served
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him hand and foot and fussed over him all day. Marriages were believed to be made in heaven those days. Not without reason.....it was considered a divine union that was beyond reproach. But today, marriage as an institution is crumbling. Not to suggest that people are shunning marriage certainly not. But they get into wedlock knowing fully well that they have an option to opt out of it too. And young couples do not hesitate to exercise that option, for reasons best known to them. Going by the swelling crowd in family courts where around 40 new cases are being filed everyday in Chennai alone, divorce no longer carries a stigma as it did a few years ago. In a way, it is better to annul a marriage that is distressful to both parties, than suffer each other in a charade. But virtues of patience, tolerance and mutual understanding have taken a beating today as couples find no time to reach out to each other, engrossed as they are in their respective careers that eat away into the major chunk of their day. Every relationship takes time to mature and ripen into anything meaningful. Even with friends, we find that the longer the association, the less judgmental and defensive we are. Give yourself and your spouse a chance - after all, marriages are made in schools, colleges, call centres and corporate houses today. That does not mean they are no longer divine.
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February 2012
The argument between arranged marriage and love marriage has gained great momentum in the past few decades. Parental rejection of their childrens choice of a partner is slowly fading away in the developing scenario of attitudinal change in society. This is true more of an urban population than in the rural society. In fact, in the South, with education and economic independence, the love marriage is gaining more popularity. At an age when a girl should be looking forward to romance, relationships and ritualistic commitments, Divyavani, physiotherapist and trainer frankly says, I am scared....seriously scared of marriage.
Colours of Love
Clarion Call
Padmini Natarajan
Womens
Most men seem to be dominating and dictatorial in a married relationship she says. I think a groom of my choice would be better for me instead of marrying a stranger. Divya rushes to assure me that she has no doubts or reservations whatsoever about her parents doing their best to inquire about any alliance that they choose. The way men behave after marriage, whether they will understand and encourage us in all aspects of life is not easy to know. Arranged marriages demand a great deal of Divya compromisesfrom small ove doesnt make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride matters like dressing to worthwhile - Franklin P. Jones
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big things like having a career, taking care of my parents etc, says Divya. Like many girls, who are professionals or in some kind of job, Divya thinks it important that a girl has to understand a man before making a commitment. It will take a year or two to really understand a guy. I work in an environment where the majority is male colleagues. In an arranged marriage, I may not be able to continue in this field. On the
other hand, when I get to know a guy on my own initiative, he already knows and learns to understand that this is my work environment. So before a commitment is made the rules are already laid down between a couple. Of course, men behave in a particular manner before getting into a particular relationship. Many girls feel that men are willing to please you, support you and agree to your demands as well. Once a
commitment is made, then they seem to change. Divya says, This is what is scaring. Many of my friends have experienced this. After marriage they have had to change a lot. There is a feeling that they cannot speak freely, normally to members of the other sex. It is not possible to meet male friends and just be pals. Partners demand and have great expectations. A woman has to fall in line with in laws demands and husbands expectations.
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February 2012
people- what guys want, what girls want. One all pervading topic that dominates all marital talk is that of in-laws. As someone who has been raised in a joint family, and in very close proximity to both sets of grandparents, Im surprised that most people dont want to live with in-laws and look at them as liabilities or opponents to a happy married life! I realise it is social conditioning raising its head, when these friends of mine tell me that no way can a daughter-in-law and motherin-law get along, or some such stereotypical thing! For me, a marriage is as much between two families as it is between two individuals, and Id place a lot of importance in getting to know my in-laws. I think the media should stop demonising the mother-in-law! Ive also noticed some strong opinions about rising divorce rates, and people immediately blaming the spoilt girls of today. Marital dynamics are changing, and very quickly indeed, and people should realise that the woman, more empowered than ever, requires the man to view her as an equal partner. Even among people of my generation, Ive seen many scoffing at married couples who live with the girls parents. Dont they have a right to be looked after, as much as the boys parents do? I really think one should move on from rigid patriarchal mindsets and embrace the culture and system of family that our nation, actually places such a high premium on!
Hamsini
Divya is skeptical because during the past six years she has seen and heard horror stories about both arranged and love marriages. I have seen wife abuse. I have seen a husband demand his wife to set aside her motherly feelings and emotions towards her toddler and focus totally on further qualifications so that she can earn more money. All she wants is to spend time with her child... he wants her to be a money earning machine. Divya concludes, Marriage as an institution will last only when there can be total understanding and lots of compromises from both partners. Indian men are still hung up on the patriarchal, chauvinist attitude towards their wives and this is causing many young girls like Divya to be wary of marriage. Heres the view of another young woman, Hamsini Ravi, Chennai-based development communications professional, As a 24-year-old whose facebook feed is bombarded with at least one friend getting ready to tie the knot every other day, I guess, Ive been forced to think about marriages and relationships more seriously in the past few months than I ever have. I have different conversations with various
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Colours of Love
ens Musings
love you for the man you are, I love you for the things you do, I love you for the things you say. But most of all I love you because you love me for the woman I am for the things I do and for the things I say. I love you -Magnolias
Vijay Gopalan, Chartered Accountant on Relationships

Relationship. One of the most abused word (abused in the sense - used without realising the potency of the term)! Be it a man or woman, a relationship is becoming a fad rather than an expression of true emotion. It has the potential to get even worse when this relationship becomes a testing ground for compatibility. So whats wrong with testing out compatibility, considering that its a life-long decision one has to make, one may ask? Nothing wrong,
if it just is limited to verbal interactions. But it has reached a stage where everything from emotional compatibility to physical compatibility is tested in a pre-marital relationship. The issue arises, when a relationship does not work out, people move over to the next. And when that does not work out, they move to another. The point is by the time they find the right match; they are already carrying an emotional, mental and physical baggage of having been with a few people prior to that. While each of us may claim that the past is done and dusted, it definitely resurfaces at various moments, at least subconsciously, and deep within ourselves, comparison with our earlier relationship partners could start. In my opinion, relationship is an arrangement of mutual trust. Hence, the real testing in these arrangements should be how to adjust with one another rather than whether or not they are compatible with each other.
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Marriages were a roaring success till about 2 decades back. The reason being, the man and woman never tested if they were compatible at a deeper level. They ensured that the basic levels of compatibility existed, but ensured they adjusted, gave in and compromised for one another. That is the true hallmark of a relationship. Compare it with today where divorce rates are alarming! Relationship is a COMMITMENT. And promises can be broken... but a commitment should always be honoured. So think before you give the commitment. But think a million times before you back out from such a commitment. No spouse is a perfect make. There are those imperfections that actually attract us to the other person. Realising that, let us look at relationships with intent to make it last for a lifetime. Hence, the decision to get into a relationship should be near irreversible. Unless there are issues like infidelity or physical abuse, etc. Men want a marriage and women want guarantees knowing men these days, its the least women can do to protect themselves. I got the following email after a 2 week break from a I dont want to talk to you ever! kind of conversation from my girlfriend to which I have added my interpretation in brackets.
February 2012
Rule 8: Incase one passes an inappropriate statement then, he/she can apologize then and there, the other one doesnt hold on to it, will let it slide. (IF she says something out of line, dont you dare bring it up EVER, if you have done it, God save you!) Rule 9: One is allowed to hug between fights (Completely surrender and use it wisely). Rule 10: The boyfriend needs to follow all the above rules always! (Aye aye maam, do I have a choice?)
Rules for the boyfriend! (Fiend maybe?)

Rule 1: Never go to bed with an unresolved issue (Say shes right!) Rule 2: Stick to the issue at hand. (Dont talk about her, agree to what she says) Rule 3: Never use personal attacks. (Jus shut up!) Rule 4: No shouting, throwing things or crying (Make her understand that men are drama queens too, we choke too!) Rule 5: No logging off or hanging up or throwing a fit. (Hell hath no fury than a womans scorn, so I realized when my girlfriend honked outside my house at 2 am to ensure I didnt leave her side until the issue was resolved) Rule 6: Notwithstanding anything mentioned in Rule 1, an overnight break can be taken on mutual agreement. (She might dump you!). Rule 7: Incase the fight is getting from bad to worse, then things are to be conveyed in a different way, a sober way. (Dont you EVER talk back.)
Sarath Babu, Software Engineer and IAS aspirant on the many hues of relationship and marriage
Abhishek Ramanuja, Chennai-based food entrepreneur, freelance writer and social worker on Rules of relationship (one-sided according to men? Ed)
Well, I thought I can share my ideas on the various facets of relationships and marriage that have emerged today , having been married recently and having lived in a cosmopolitan city (Bengaluru. My work experience in a BPO provided
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me opportunities to interact with young men and women for most part of my work time. 1. Youngsters prefer love marriage than arranged marriage because the chances are they get to meet their future partners at their work place. They have an opportunity to be together at work for most part of the time and tend to get to know about each other well , which does not happen in an arranged marriage. 2. Youngsters get into relationship primarily because we have adopted western lifestyle. The advent of Face Book, Skype, 3G and other technologies facilitate the process of establishing relationships. 3. Relationship is certainly diluting the concept of TRUE Love as it is being misused by youngsters for their own benefit or selfishness. I have witnessed people in Live-in relationships for a few months and part ways to follow their careers in different places. If there had been love between the couples, they would not be parting ways; it had been a transient, convenient arrangement. Loyalty and fidelity were hallmarks of marriage back then, which kept couples together for years together. 4. The main reason for friction among newly married couples is ego. Since both men and women are educated and are well off financially with good careers, neither is dependent on the other . This is a big factor that determines relationships. 5. In-laws do not play a pivotal role in the marital lives of couples except during the initial stages of finalizing the bride or the groom as there is no concept of joint family today. Most girls do not prefer to live in joint families; they want to live independent lives. Men, on the other hand, would like to include their parents in their lives because they think a joint family can ease out a lot of tensions associated with running a nuclear family. 6. Well, a man expects his wife to be simple and homely though they may have flirted with ultra modern girls prior to their marriage. A man wants his better half to be understanding not only with him but also with his entire family, especially parents. Girls on the other hand expect men to earn well and
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look for security in a marriage. Another trend that has changed is that girls look for external appearance of the man they want to marry instead of his inner qualities. 7. We live in an era where young couples would like to lead comfortable lives. Employment for women is no longer a matter of discussion. It is taken for granted. In many households, men still look after finances but I have seen women handle both home and finances with great finesse, especially if they see that the husband is not responsible enough , is extravagant or consumes alcohol. 8. Divorce - Why and How? Well, divorce happens primarily because of ego tussles. Small misunderstandings among couples blow up into big issues. Also greed for money among the mans family plays a major role in causing friction among couples. In the case of a love marriage, when a friction erupts, the couple engages in a war of blaming each other, trying to find fault with even petty issues. Health factors, including impotence are another reason for divorce. The only solution is for men and women is to broaden their mental horizons and behave in a mature fashion. 9. Some women prefer to be single because they were either a victim of a failed relationship(s) or a live-in relationship(s) or would have witnessed their family or friend being a victim. Some prefer to stay alone because they may harbour negative attitude towards marriage or men or both. Some women are assailed by anxiety about getting married and keep postponing their decisions. The secret of success of a marriage lies in understanding among couples and an attitude of forgive and forget, which is the essence of a marriage. My view on livein relationships is that it is not wrong, but it is not compatible with our culture. Our Vedas and Puranas have not advised this. Late marriages happen because of lack of interest in marriage among financially independent women or due to lack of monetary resources to get a girl married. This must change. Our Chief Minister has introduced various welfare measures for indigent girls to get married, which is a welcome move in this direction. Dowry - Though it is an evil and many great social reformists have fought against it, dowry continues to exist everywhere in our society. Dowry is the reason why the sex ratio is against women in our country. If this trend continues, there may be a day when men will fight one another not for acquisition of money, land and other physical possessions, but for women! Pre Marital Sex is not good for our society . Many
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youngsters without knowing the consequences indulge in this. This also happens because of curiosity , which can be eliminated only through sex education in schools in an effective manner. Extra Marital Affair - I am really against this big time as it is a deceit of your partner, man or woman. I am for strict laws against adultery. We were all born in the land of Rama, the man who was forever faithful to his only woman! Jai Hind!
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Colours of Love
RELATION Status-Complicated!
Valsala Menon
ove never dies a natural death. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies ofillness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings - Anais Nin (1903-77)
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The motto of the new Woman is being Bold and Beautiful. Gone are the days when women were dubbed as docile, domestic goddesses. The woman of today revels in being a Woman in every sense of the term and glories in her passions. She has a mind of her own and no longer do societal norms bog her down. She is guided by free will and free thinking in all aspects of her life. And this trend reflects in the relationships she enters into. Relationships are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tight, the sand trickles through your fingers. A relationship too is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other, it is likely to remain intact. Hold too tightly, and the relationship slips away and is lost, Sudiptha, a young and aspiring journalist had this to say about love and relationships. The watch word is freedompeople value a lot of freedom in their relationships. Once freedom and free will are compromised, the relationship comes to an end. In our time, we had to adjust compromise and forego our dreams for the sake of our families, and spouses. But this is no longer the scenario now, with the present generation. They are more choosy, have minds of their own, which is indeed a welcome change opines Sujatha Vijayaraghavan, mother to two daughters, who were given free leeway to choosing their life partners. The concept of true love has under gone subtle changes over the years. Both men and women are more practical these days and do not indulge in rosy dreams of a Prince Charming coming their way to rescue them from pitiful circumstances. In fact, no longer are the young men and women keen on getting themselves entangled eternally in relationships which have turned sour. What exactly do these bold and beautiful men and women seek in a relationship? And are their views on this diluting the concept of true love? Ms Sunitha Krishna Menon, Psychotherapist specializing in cognitive behavior therapy had some truly insightful views to share on the concept of relationships. Youngsters these days are in and out of relationships. But I condone this trend rather than being disapproving. When a person enters into a relationship, it is to satisfy a particular need at that point of time in their lives. Once that need is met, they decide mutually to walk out of that relationship. If you ask me, I feel that this is a very healthy trend and they are wise enough to not remain shackled to a person in the name of commitment. Youngsters these days have a lot of choice and I think parents should give them ample credit for their free will and mature choices. Sunitha affirms that the present generation enjoys a lot more
February 2012
freedom compared to their parents, They face a lot of peer pressure as well. Come Saturday nights and pubs are thronged by boys and girls wanting to just let go and have fun- to enjoy life to the hilt. Most boys and girls are into relationships these days. Social networking sites like Face book and Orkut encourage this and the inthing nowadays is to post their current relationship status on these social networking sites. And you would be singled out as the odd one out if you were not into a relationship.- continues Sunitha. Sunitha prefers to view this as a very positive trend , since interacting freely with the opposite sex gives these young men and women a lot of insight and they are better equipped to make the right choice before they finally decide to settle down and tie the knot. This is indeed a welcome trend rather than blindly bowing down to parental pressure. After all, it is they who have to lead the rest of their lives with their chosen partners and it is best to leave the choices to them. Young men and women these days are smarter, more level headed and wiser than we were. Parents too tend to be more open minded these days, which is decidedly an encouraging trend, With good moral values instilled in them right from when they are kids, we as parents have nothing to fear. I am sure with the confidence we place in our kids, they would never be tempted to go astray, smiles Sunitha winsomely.
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Eves Times
Niranjana, a post graduate student at Symbiosis International University stresses that relationships are always a gamble. Girls and boys these days are wiser, realistic and street smart. They are not willing to just settle down with the first guy or gal who appears on the scene. We have the freedom today to choose and decide on the right person with the right attitude when we finally decide to settle down in life. There is no true love- Both Sunitha and Niranjana are united on this. Relationships take a lot of work. Its all about striking a balance and finding a comfort zone. Most Universities and colleges witness a mushrooming of relationships, which inevitably die out when
it is time to move on in life and other priorities take precedence over relationships, opines Niranjana. Relationships, in order to continue into something more meaningful, needs a lot of hard work, sacrifice and commitment. Thankfully these days we are open-minded enough to opt out of a relationship by mutual consent once things turn sour, awry or the relationship loses its initial euphoria. There is a lot more of understanding involved in relationships these days. We can talk things out and nothing is kept under wraps, says Niranjana. A healthy trend indeed Aneta Miriam Thomas, a practicing clinical psychologist in Chennai opines that
relationships in todays world cant be termed as relationships in the true sense of the term. They tend to be just passing fancies, an ornament to be adorned to show the world that you are capable of attracting the opposite sex. It is just an opportunity for many to interact, exchange flowers, gifts, and go out on dates and to generally have a good time. These rarely culminate in a marriage. Aneta agrees that the concept of true love is pretty antiquated. True love is pure commitment and getting into a state of mind that is conducive to devoting their life for their chosen partner. True love is considered strange nowadays since couples have no time for each other in this electronic age. Moreover, most young couples these days are commitment phobic.
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February 2012
Colours of Love
ove can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an Illusion - Javan
Runaway Scions
Chandrika R. Krishnan
foul play involved. The agony of her parents was further compounded by the fact that a betrothal ceremony was done just days before to someone with good social standing. The father laments, Why did she have to give such a jolt to my self-respect by behaving irresponsible? What was the need for her to get engaged to another man when she was already in love? Why did she not say that she was not willing to marry anyone else other than her lover? The shame, the betrayal, the agony and to top it all the sheer helplessness that his daughter who could have done better for herself had to throw away all for the sake of some misguided feelings is too traumatic for an Indian parent. After all marriage is more than mere attraction. There are mundane things like food, shelter, and basic necessities to be dealt with along with romance. And she had not considered all these aspects.
Love is a beautiful emotion and it conquers all. From time immemorial films and sagas have depicted the lovers plight. Adults are always the villain and act as the proverbial spoke in the wheel of young love. The youngsters do persevere amidst entreaties and pressures and end up marrying their chosen partner. The question raised here is how far is this love prudent? Are the youngsters really in love or in love with the idea of being in love? Following are four case studies of the parental agony and disappointment over the chosen partner of their offspring. We cannot say it is unjustified for parents to feel hurt because they have been the ones to make great sacrifices for the sake of their child and it would be extremely difficult to maintain ones equilibrium in the face of a monumental blunder made by your loved ones.
Insanity Personified
The girl decided to elope without any information. Anxious parents ran hither and thither in search of her wondering if there was some
Whither is Love?
A huge sum of dowry was demanded and given by the girls family. It was a love marriage of two people from
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February 2012
different communities. If the man were so much in love with the girl he wouldnt have bowed down to parental pressure of demanding a dowry. Isnt it a case of wanting the cake and eating it too? The widowed mother had to swallow the disappointment and marry off her daughter with a heavy heart and a great burden to her savings just because the daughter could not realize that the man was caught between the tradition of his community and did not want to antagonize his parents and at the same time wanted to marry the girl of his choice and was unable to take a firm stand.
Eves Times Adamancy Overcoming Prudence

A good-looking doctor, she was the hope and dream of her mothers. The mother whose life was full of sacrifices and disappointments pinned all her unrequited love and aspirations on her child. Her joy was complete when she thought she had achieved her dream despite the fact that she was never able to live with her daughter and had to depend on relatives to educate her. Alas! The daughter seemingly threw the future away by choosing a man much inferior to her in academics and also in position. Her justification was everyone, particularly the relatives she lived with had made a hue and cry of my perfectly innocent relationship with him so I did it to spite them all! The mother continues to be her self-effacing self for her daughter had cut her nose to spite her face! Are the parents justified in feeling let down in the above instances? On the other hand following are two case studies of children who were so sure of their prudent love that they waited for their parents approval and did not resort to eloping. Their confidence in their chosen partner overcame the resistance of their parents and they were married off to the person of their choice with pomp and splendour and the last but not the least, with their
In Love with Love

She was taught right from childhood to be a winner and she was all that her parents wanted her to be. Her dedication and perseverance got her only accolades and prizes. She had a kind of Midas touch in whatever she attempted and her dedicated parents skillfully tapped her innate ability in extra curricular activities. A district topper and a winner of many a medals and cups lost her heart and soul to a man who to all outward appearance was an extremely average achiever. The fact that he belonged to a different caste would have made a little or negligible impact if he had had the capacity and the ability to keep the girl in the style she was accustomed to, if not a better one. How could anyone in the above circumstance be large-hearted and accept the person whose only claim to success was that of inveigling their daughters heart?
BLESSINGS! Faith Justified

A staunch Brahmin gave wholeheartedly octogenarian his blessing to his
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February 2012
granddaughter and her spouse who belonged to a completely different caste and community. The reason being, the granddaughter could not have chosen better. The boy was well educated and was holding a good position in a company. He might not have been on par with his spouses family who were business icons in the city, yet he had carved a niche for himself. The girl refused any help by way of gift from her family and felt that her partner and she would make
it to the top in their own time. Who could raise any objection to the pair who had faith in their love and did not resort to any undercover eloping or hasty marriage?
Love Conquors All

The disciplinarian father had to bow and give way to the quiet strength of his daughters love. The daughter was willing to wait and marry with her parents permission and blessing. She refused to bow down to any pressure and withstood all
attempts to make her change her mind. She proved that her love was not a hurried, transient affair, nothing to be swept under the carpet and the man was worthy of being her spouse and she his. The faith and courage made her father relent and they were married off with great pomp and gaiety. To sum up, love is a beautiful emotion and a necessity of life. People say love is blind. Care should be taken that it is not accompanied by lack of prudence and madness!
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Love Quiz 27 Love through the Ages 28 Canteen Banter 32 Jest For Laughs 33
Love can never grow old. Locks may lose their brown and gold. Cheeks may fade and hollow grow. But the hearts that love will know, never winters frost and chill, summers warmth is in them still - Leo Buscaglia
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From
Hearts will go on.

after High School! There is plenty of literature and a plethora of movies that speak highly of romance, be they poignant renditions of touching tales of sacrifice on the part of one for his beloved, or downright crass-filled displays of wanton lust and unbecoming behaviour in the name of love. Sometimes, these stories tend to offer a younger person a rose-tinted view of life, a mildly warped understanding of life. As you grow, it is quite the ordinary thing to have crushes, a favourite actor, a sportsman who doubles up as a heartthrob, or a singer who has more to him than just that mesmerising voice. Sometimes, these crushes happen to be on very real people, and still sometimes, it happens to be mutual. So there blossoms the bud of what everyone likes to call the relationship- which is perhaps alright, but not without some very important ground rules.
February 2012
you come to a stage where your relationship rules your life. And when the heartbreaks, the sound of a thousand shards of glass clattering noisily shakes you up. Tough story? You bet. How best can you avert such a situation? Remember to never isolate your family from the events of your life. Take your parents into confidence, and share as much as you can with them. It may not be the in-thing or the coolest thing to do, but it definitely is the best thing to do. Always remember to keep track of the responsibilities you owe to yourself and to your family- the very ones who inculcated your values in you. A relationship involves not just a boy and a girl who like each other, but also a significant adherence to an acceptable yardstick of behaviour, because every action has its own consequences. Your relationship is of course a part of your life, and not your life, right? When you are young, your world is your oyster and you have a long future ahead of you that is just waiting to be filled with the best! At the risk of sounding particularly preachy, I am here to tell you something that most people understand only in retrospect: What you learn now, about how to treat others, will affect relationships throughout your lifetime.
Kirthis Desk.
I
ts that time of the year when red hearts go up, adorning walls and every inch of uncovered space that plays willing host to decorations in pursuit of every event that comes and goes. It is also that time of the year when the sardonic ones sound their vociferous announcements in due antagonism to the sentimentalizing Valentines Day. In principle, Im the kind of person who enjoys the fun of colour and the riot of decorative paraphernalia- be it Christmas baubles or Diwali Dias, or even Red Hearts for Valentines Day. But along with the symbolism, I have learned the importance of understanding the significance and the adherence to responsibility. There is a saying that with great freedom comes responsibility- and that is just as true about Valentines Day, as it is about going to College
Everything seems wonderfully rosy, suffused with a blend of pulchritude and lilting notes that play from invisible violins. You are happy in your little bubble, as your boyfriend and you exchange little text messages and sweet nothings. But slowly, you find yourself slipping into a little whirlpool, where nothing else but this relationship matters- your grades take a beating, you dont want to listen to your parents,
Until next month, Kirthi
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Quizzeria?
1. What is a Love Apple? 7. What is a Loving Cup?
b. Shoes arranged with the
a. b. c. d.
Cherry Radish Small Red Apple Tomato
2. What are Love Arrows?
a. A cup shared by lovers b. A small teacup c. A two-handled cup given as a prize d. A cup for toasting newlyweds
8. A Love-in-a-mist is:
heel of one against the instep of another. c. Brushing your teeth d. Sleeping before a mirror
13. A girl can see her future husband in her dreams if she sleeps on Valentines Eve with:
a. Needle-like crystals embedded in quartz b. Heart palpitations c. Hat pins securing a flower d. Pain caused by love
3. What is the City of Brotherly Love?
a. b. c. d.
Lovesickness A plant with feathery leaves Kissing in a parked car Tears shed at a wedding
a. Placing a hand mirror under
9. A Lovebird is:
a. b. c. d.
Paris Los Angeles Philadelphia New York City
a. b. c. d.
Small parrot White Dove Hummingbird Canary
her pillow b. Sleeping with a garment from her mothers trousseau c. Sleeping with four bay leaves pinned to the corners of her pillow. d. Placing her photo under her pillow
14. Lovers stayed faithful as long as each carried:
4. What is a Love Lock?
10. A Love Feast:
a. b. c. d.
Heart Pendant Long flowing curl Chastity Belt Engagement Ring
5. What is Puppy Love?
a. The wedding meal b. A Valentines Day dinner c. A religious meal shared as a sign of love and fellowship d. The meal served at midnight on the honeymoon
11. Dreams of ones true love will appear if you place under your pillow:
a. Half of a ten rupee note b. Half of a wedding ring c. Half of a picture taken
together d. Half of the same laurel twig. 15. Something that represents thoughts of loved ones: a. b. c. d. The laurel leaf A rose A piece of glass A piece of paper
a. b. c. d.
Affection for Dogs Jealous Love Loyal Friendship Juvenile Love
6. In what game is a score also known as Love?
a. b. c. d.
Tennis Bridge Chess Soccer
a. A peacock feather b. A wedding ring c. A silver spoon d. Something blue

12. A practice at bedtime that will show a future love:
a. Drinking hot chocolate
Answers on page 32
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Love
through the Ages
Padmini Natarajan
February 2012
Tthrough the ages
his is not a historic tale
romance This is love through the ages. As a girl you are told beware of boys Rough and naughty troublesome creatures Made of snips and snails and puppy dogs tails
While you are a girl, cutely made of emotions Sugar and spice and all things nice Love at this stage is strictly for dolls houses. Then the hormones kick in with puberty You are sixteen going on
Nor a bards paean of love or ode to passions This is a journey through a womans decades From childhood, the middles upto the nineties Follow me through the trail of
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seventeen verily And many fellows will and do fall in line They cause speedy crushes and flushes pulses, Develop a business, give time to the underprivileged Face teenage rebellions, problems, kids affairs Nightmares of becoming a grandma sans marriage Love is TV couch affection with first gray hairs. Fifties is a time to slow down and watch your steps Playing doubles partner with your
Eves Times
Haunting your dreams and daytime musings Love in the teens is Surya, Ranbir and Dhoni MS. In the twenties marriage reigns supreme Romance and roses, diamonds, wedding trousseaus Stars in the eyes that turn into fiery rages Adjustments, compromises and skirmishes Pregnancy, labour pains and babys gurgles Love happens with doses of real circumstances. The troubled thirties see ladies becoming busy With in-laws, kids, friends and colleagues Careers, home, school, exams and grades The rat race keeps you running in the maze Love and sex is stolen or put off by headaches Where darling is any time for sweet nothings? The freaky forties is learning about yourself Maybe time to pick up a personal interest
Saying what you want, doing what you like Claiming age and faltering mind as excuses Greeted as the batty sweetie with indulgence Love is just a four letter word in crossword puzzles. A thousand moons you would have seen When you have entered your edging out eighties Beloved, swaddled, spoilt and petted Physically weakened mentally with it but
While aches and pains catch up on you Its time for groans and twinges Interspersed with Pilates and presses jaunts,
Amour, passion set aside by menopause A life restrained by constraints of pension Love is you have just grown used to your spouse. It is grand to enter your stumbling sixties Hoping to be as fit as a fiddle Thank god I am not answerable To anybody, you say with an air invincible Ill do what I want, you affectionately wheedle Love is grandchildrens hugs, crosses and kisses. Sinful seventies is a time to indulge In fancies wicked, oral and mental
It is a benign adoration that haloes your pate Love is benign, saintly and universal. So passion, affection, romance, infatuation Red hearts and arrows, thorns with roses Bouquets and brickbats follow through life You sit in your nervous nineties in a wheelchair Hopefully waiting to make a century intact Loves memories Valentine visits. is how
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Changing Times
Chandrika R Krishnan
February 2012
y great grandmother never got roses, Yet, she was all dimples and peaches. My grandmother never got gifts,
Yet, she never had major tiffs. My mother never went on a date, Yet, she found a perfect mate. I never went to an exotic location Yet I loved my vacation.
But my daughter wants a knight Donning a shining armour, to come charging in the night; Wake her up from her slumber And carry her off to the moon!
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Valentine Vignettes
Graffiti
February 2012
Eves Times
For Men- Know your GIRL

When a GIRL is quiet .... millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers Im fine after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine. When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays her head on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered. When a GIRL says I love you she means it. When a GIRL says I miss you .... no one in this world can miss you more than that. Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....
For Women- Who is MR.RIGHT?

Find a guy who calls you
beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, Thats her!!
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Killer English
understand. You understand. Computer how understand? Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class, Keep quiet, the principal has passed away.
Funny
February 2012
he weirdest form of English language are usually spoken by teachers. Here are a few rib-tickling ones. Principal to student,. I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? Class teacher once said , Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!
father of your name! Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college. My manager started like this, Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids Ill illustrate what I have in my mind, said the professor and erased the board. Will you hang that calendar or else Ill hang myself? Librarian scolded, If you will talk again, I will kneel down outside! Tomorrow call your parents, especially mother and father Chemistry HOD comes and tells us, My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class? Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code, I
Answers To Love Quiz

1: Tomato. 2: Needle-like crystals embedded in quartz. 3. Philadelphia 4: Long flowing curl. 5. Juvenile love 6. Tennis 7: A two-handled cup given as a prize. 8. A plant with feathery leaves 9: Small parrot. 10: A religious meal shared as a sign of love and fellowship. 11. A silver spoon 12. Shoes arranged with the heel of one against the instep of another. 13. Sleeping with four bay leaves pinned to the corners of her pillow. 14. Half of the same laurel twig. 15. The laurel leaf
Once Hindi teacher said, Im going out of the world to America. Dont try to talk in front of my back! Dont laugh at the back benches otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down. It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said, Why is fan not oning (ing form of on) Teacher in a furious mood, Write down your name and
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Eves Times
Jest4 Laughs
Boss is Boss
A junior Software engineer, a senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each
and shouted, I want to be in Florida with plenty of food and cocktails. Pfufffff and he was also gone.
The PM calmly said, I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm Moral of the story is: Always allow the bosses to speak first!
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire lifetime, is ourselves. 7. Surround yourself with what you love; whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Dont take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
Teen Tips
How To Stay Young
1. Throw out nonessential numbers.. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them, thats why you pay them. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. Grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. An idle mind is the devils workshop. 4. Enjoy simple things. Worry about nothing. Pray about everything. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries. Pfufffff and he was gone. Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet
And Always Remember

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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Kids
Yeah Write
-- Camille, age 10 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both dont want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isnt she a treasure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When theyre rich. -- Pam, age 7 ( Love her )
February 2012
Eye View
Here are some sensible observations by kids. Have fun reading! HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who theyre going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who youre stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldnt want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. Its the right thing to do. - - Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? Its better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child ) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDNT GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldnt there? -- Kelvin, age 8 And the Favourite is ....... HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10 Contributed by Padmini Natarajan
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February 2012
marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what youre trying to do is an exchange of beauty and money: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, theres a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you cant be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. Its not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be a cause for much worry 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a trading position. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or leased. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could qualify yourself or work towards becoming a rich person with $500k annual income. This has a better chance than finding a rich fool. Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in leasing services, do contact me... Signed, J.P. Morgan, CEO
Quick Wit
Teen Potpourri
A A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum: Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? Im going to be honest about what Im going to say here. Im 25 this year. Im very pretty, I have great style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that Im greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask, What should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those Ive dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough. Im here to humbly ask a few questions: 1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the
names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 2) Which age group should I target? 3) Why most wives of rich men are only average-looking? Ive met a few girls who dont have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys. 4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My aim now is to get married) Ms. Pretty
Amazing reply from J.P.Morgan, CEO
Dear Ms. Pretty, I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that Im not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to
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Eves Times
Salt n Pepper Korner

I am a person with rheumatoid arthritis and more or less confined to my home. I have cut down on my food because my physical exertion has gone down. What kind of food can I have that will give me energy and still ensure that I do not put on weight? Chitra Sampath, Chennai My daughter who had thick and good hair has been losing hair badly once she entered teen age. The reason according to me is that she shampoos her hair frequently, changing her shampoo often and eats only junk food. Can you suggest the food that will help her regain the health of her hair? Sheetal Mishra, Chennai Regular protein intake and iron are essential to maintain good hair. Shampooing the hair often may also matter because some of the shampoos contain harsh chemicals. Proper diet and a healthy intake of vegetables in large quantities help maintain good hair. Also a few almonds (4 to5) along with 1 teaspoon of honey, early in the morning everyday improve the growth of hair. Arthritis may cut down the workload of a person and increases the chance of putting on weight. Hence it is important to consume the right amount of protein. Dhal, pulses, legumes and a lot of vegetables provide the required energy level. Limited intake of carbohydrate and fat intake is also necessary. Also the usage of refined flour, sugar and salt should be restricted. The intake of oxygen is essential, hence breathing exercises and yoga, in whatever manner you can do everyday help burn extra calories.
Mallika Badrinath
The name Mallika Badrinath is familiar to most homemakers in South India. Till 1988 , she too was a homemaker ; now she is an internationally acknowledged culinary expert, with an eager audience latching on to every word she has to say about food and cooking in her television shows. Her books are sold like hot cakes across the world. She is a symbol of women achievers of India. Hers is a success story that has been an inspiration to many women.
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Valentine Days Special!

Make this Valentine Day special by making your own chocolates, pretzels and cheesecake to melt the hearts of your loved ones. We have selected easy recipes for you. Happy Cooking!
Cook
Eves Times
February 2012
Smile Easy Recipes
Home Made Chocolates

Ingredients
Milk Power Sugar Cocoa Power Water Milk (room temp) Butter 2 cups 1 cups 3 tbsp cup 1tbsp 1/3 cup
Chocolate Pretzels
Ingredients
Plain flour (Maida) Margarine/ Butter Icing sugar Egg Cocoa Cooking chocolate 225gms 150 gms 100 gms 1 25 grams 100gms . Mix and make a stiff dough. Leave for 30 minutes. Roll out pieces of dough to the shape of pretzels. Place on a lightly greased tray and bake for 15-18 minutes in a moderate oven. Melt cooking chocolate with water over a low heat. Drop each pretzel into the hot chocolate and quickly remove. Dry each pretzel on greaseproof paper.
Method
Sieve milk powder and cocoa together and keep aside. Place sugar and water in a pan and bring to boil, stirring constantly. Add milk when the syrup boils and remove the scum. Test syrup for one thread consistency and add butter. When the butter melts, keep fire in low flame and add milk and cocoa mixture stirring continuously. When the mixture leaves the sides of the pan, remove and spread on a greased plate. Cut it into square shapes when cool.
Method
Soften the butter or margarine in a bowl and mix in the icing sugar, lightly beaten egg and salt. Sift in flour and cocoa together
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February 2012
Eves Times
Ingredients
Condensed Milk Cocoa Powder Butter Sugar 1 tin 2 tbsp 50 gms 4 tbsp
Chocolate with Condensed Milk

Heart Shaped Chocolate Cake
Ingredients
Flour Cocoa Baking power Butter Powdered sugar Eggs, big Milk 7 oz 4 tbsp 2 tsp 6 oz 7 oz 3 5tbsp flour sifted together with milk alternately. Mix lightly and bake in a heart shaped tin, the sides of which are lined with greased brown paper or butter paper.
Method
Place condensed milk and cocoa powder in a pan and mix well to prevent lump formation. Place on low flame, stirring constantly. Add sugar and stir. Add softened butter stirring constantly. When the mix leaves the sides of the pan remove from fire and pour in a greased place. Cut into squares when cool with a greased knife. For both the chocolate recipes you can mix in nuts like slivered almonds, broken cashew nuts, raisins before removing from fire and also decorate the top.
Icing
Place milk and butter in a thick pan. Heat on slow flame till the butter melts. Remove from fire when it is lukewarm and pour it into the sugar. Add salt and essence and beat well. Keep the plate upside down and place the cake over it, removing the paper. Ice the cake with the help of a knife. Use a palette knife dipped in hot water to smooth. Take a little of the icing, colour it and decorate the cake making little hearts, dots, stars or lattice lines.
For the icing

Finely sifted sugar Butter Milk Salt Vanilla essence 1 lb 4 tbsp 4tbsp 1 pinch tsp
Variations:
Method
Cream butter and sugar. Beat the yolks and whites of eggs together. Add the beaten eggs and beat well. Fold in the cocoa, baking powder and the
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JusAsk Brinda
me a nerd and tells me that these are the ways of the world. Otherwise she is a very helpful and kind person and we hit it off well together. Sometimes, I feel because I dont like this behaviour of hers, I should severe my friendship with her. Will it be the right thing to do? While traveling in a risky path, you will be careful to avoid harmful obstacles and you would also want your companion to be careful. Since you foresee some problems in her two timing relationships, you are very concerned about her welfare, which is to be appreciated. Cautioning your friend is the only thing you
Eves Times
February 2012
can do. Calling you a nerd and brushing you aside is totally her option. Your friend is confused about certain values; she probably thinks going around with boys is the inthing for modern girls. She could be elated that two boys are going behind her! What if she damages herself in the process? is a legitimate fear. If you think it fit, you can talk to her parents and see if they can help. If it doesnt work, every action has equal and opposite reaction. You have to wait for the reaction! Thats when she will need your help! Learn to look at the doer and the deed separately. You love the doer; it is only the deed you are against, right? You will not think of severing your ties with her, if you perceive her that way. Whether she is worth your friendship or not, you will be a great friend in need!
I have a friend who is two timing her boyfriend. She has a boyfriend at home and she is going around with another boy in the campus in the hostel we stay. The second boy knows about the first one. I dont like her attitude and I have told this to her many times. She just calls
KOVAI PAZHAMUDIR CHOLAI

Fresh Vegetables Fruits Fresh Juice
Branches: Saligramam Anna Nagar Numbambakkam ( Ooty Pazhamudir Nilaiyam)
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Colours of Love
Marriage
A Lifetime Relationship
February 2012
Eves Times
Kanchana.Rao
tory writers say that love is concerned only with young people, and the excitement and glamour of romance end at the altar. How blind they are. The best romance is inside marriage; the finest love stories come after the wedding, not before- Irving Stone
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Eves Times
Til death do us part. Words to this effect are exchanged as wedding vows by the bride and groom signifying a lifetime relationship. In this fast paced age of instant food, instant messages etc., the term lifetime weighs heavily on emotions like commitment, understanding, compromise, patience. Relationships that edge on eternity are deemed as threats. Marriages that progress to golden or even silver anniversaries are rare and few. But all is not lost; there still is hope for marriages. When Pandora opened her box, she did mankind a favor by not letting hope go. Neelu married Ravi, a groom her parents found for her. When Ravi came to see her, Neelu was enamored by his dashing personality, style as well as profession. Ravi was a pilot, working for a popular air line. Neelu immediately said yes to the proposal. Ravi too was attracted by Neelu as she was tall, slim and pretty. After pondering over the proposal for a few days, he also consented to the marriage. All went well for a few months after the marriage. Neelu fell head over heels in love with Ravi as he was charming and quite romantic. The months were busy with setting up the house, honeymoon, visiting and having visitors. Slowly after the initial excitement and pace died down and they settled into a routine, Neelu started feeling intimidated by Ravi. He always knew what to do, he would always advise her on every little thing, what to cook, how to cook, which crockery to use while serving different types of guests- one type for the family, another for his colleagues. Even the dress Neelu had to wear, Ravi would decide for her. Neelu started depending on Ravi for every single, minute thing. Consequently, she developed a complex and slowly went into a shell. A feeling of inadequacy enveloped her. One day, her cousin, who was in town on an official work, visited her and noticed this change in her otherwise frisky and bubbly cousin. She slowly made Neelu talk to her and found out the cause for the restrained manner Neelu was carrying herself with. She spoke to Ravi diplomatically, highlighting on Neelus strong points. She said Neelu was very good at arranging and decorating and also had a passion for music. She suggested that Neelu join classes to pursue her interests and utilize her free time effectively. Ravi being an intelligent man caught the hint as he had also been observing Neelus strained silences. He made Neelu join interior designing and music classes. He had a stylist do up her hair in a style that enhanced Neelus pretty features. This makeover and the chance to learn things of her interest perked Neelu up considerably and she slowly became her usual self. Ravi also found this new, confident Neelu better and always had a word of praise for her looks, housekeeping and singing. They both felt happy and very much in love after this welcome change in their lives. This situation
February 2012
would not have been possible if Ravi had found her inferior in her ways and harped at them instead of understanding the driving need to bring about these changes in Neelus life. A little bit of understanding and a little effort goes a long way in saving a relationship that is undergoing a strain that might have had a point of no return. Another marriage that underwent the test of strain was that of Shekars and Sumanas. Shekar was a marine engineer and he needed a wife who accepted the fact that he would travel more often than not. He also needed her to stay with his parents as he did not like the idea of a wife staying alone for months on end while he was sailing. He met several girls his parents had found for him and explained his requirements. The one who matched them was Sumana. She was a small town girl and had always dreamt of marrying a marine engineer. Also, she was used to staying in a joint family, so having to stay with her in-laws appealed to her too. The marriage took place and three months later, Shekar set sail to return after eight months. This first time, Sumana did not have much problem with the separation although she missed Shekar terribly. Sumana kept herself occupied by going to her moms place which was in the next town and had the company of her friends too over there. But during the next trip that Shekar undertook for six months, Sumana was miserable. All her friends had married too and moved to different places and so she did
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February 2012
not enjoy going to her moms place as much as she did earlier. She was restless and also slowly began to dislike having to stay with her in-laws as she felt she did not have as much freedom there as she did at her place. When Shekar was in town it was different altogether as they often went out in the evenings and even went on short trips to hill stations and resorts. Every time Shekar called, she would weep and beg him to come home. Shekar was also upset at this turn of events but he could not return sooner than his term. Once he came back, he still could not understand this change in Sumana as she had married him, knowing the circumstances. He began to get annoyed with Sumana as she constantly nagged him to give up sailing. Help came to them in the form of Shekars colleague who suggested a shipping line that made short trips and sometimes even allowed spouses to accompany the engineers, although the pay was less. Shekar gave this move a lot of thought and then applied for the job. He worked in this line for two years, taking Sumana with him from time to time. When Sumana conceived, Shekar took a break from shipping until their baby was born. Since he had taken nearly a years break and also since his responsibilities had now increased, Shekar joined back his old company which paid more. Sumana also had grown wiser and knew she had to make this compromise for them to lead a good life. Also with a baby to care for now, she was busy
Eves Times
in her life and was glad about the help of her in-laws too. So she stopped complaining. Had Shekar not acted as he did at the time their relationship underwent a strain, it would have deteriorated further. Had Sumana not realized her folly and decided to be sensible, things would have taken a turn for the worse. His compromise and her realization saved the marriage and created a strong bond between the husband and wife. But sadly this timely need for compromise and understanding did not happen in the case of Shoba and David who kept arguing over their careers and finally had to call it quits. Shoba was a freelancer and David an auditor. She had to travel frequently for her magazine and journals while David had an established practice in his city. Neither wanted to change or even meet half way. The strain was too much and led to their separation. Another couple, both surgeons,
could not balance their careers and domestic lives. Each tried to get the better of the other and would always be critical of each other. The competition would be brought home and fights were common on the dining table and the bedroom. Ultimately they had to split. So many couples choose to go their own ways citing careers, finance, misunderstanding, lack of appreciation and other umpteen reasons. But who bears the brunt of these break-ups? Children, who end up being a disgruntled and confused lot. So the need to understand the responsibility that is an important part of marriage is absolutely essential. Responsibility is a major part of marriage no doubt, but it also comprises of love, companionship, passion, fun, reliability as well as togetherness in equal measures. So commitment by spouses til death do us part is a gift that God has bestowed on lucky and deserving people. It is up to us to take it or deny it.
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Eves Times
February 2012
Colours of Love
Leaves
L
Dharma Raman
ife began with waking up and loving my mothers face -- George Eliot Ammaaaa, where are you? In a meeting Tara...what is it? Nothing.....just asked... when will you be back? Soon, baby. Need anything? No ma.....just come. And the phone call would end. This was a typical conversation between my daughter and me... thrice a day. Not that she was waiting for me when I got home but she needed to know why, what and when of everything I did. At times I would wonder who was watching over whom here!
ADaughter
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February 2012
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When I am in my office, she would gesticulate from our house entrance from where I am visible usually asking me to come inside immediately! Nothing much really - just to eat with her or discuss some pressing matters of shopping plans or gym timings. None of my things were just mine. They were hers as wellthat goes without saying. Including clothes, soap, shampoo, hair dryer, eye pencil, lipstick, chappals, bags.....the reverse, of course, was never applicable. And no matter where I chose to keep my new
acquisitions, she would smell them from a mile. And reach for them without wasting too much time! And rather unfairly, whenever I found something missing on my dressing table or closet, I would blame her for pinching it. She dressed in my room. Used my dressing table and mirrorand for some reason, I had to wait for my turn until she finished. This, despite the fact that she has a bigger dressing table with a bigger mirror in her room! But no, mine was more convenient. And I could never close my bedroom door
not even to change clothes. She would always knock with such urgency that not opening the door immediately would make me feel selfish and rude. Once let in, she would happily saunter in and switch on the TV to watch her favourite show on TLC. Her two huge cupboards were full of clothes that would literally tumble out when opened. Her bed was stacked with clothes. Yet, she had nothing to wear when there was an occasion in the family. What are mothers for, if they cant lend their daughter a silk
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Eves Times
February 2012
out clothes and drooled over accessories protesting if she attempted to buy something that I somehow knew she would junk in less than a month. I accompanied her to movies I would never have cared to sit through, just to please her. I marvel at her sense of fashion and style, things that have eluded me always. She knows all leading international brands; I am mostly clueless. She can read maps and find her way in any part of the world when we holidayed in China, she would navigate through cities using all modes of public transport while I tagged along in bewilderment. You can get lost in our home Amma! she would often tease me. There was nothing I enjoyed more than watch her dance. But when she performed on stage, I could never sit without getting jittery. I dreaded the footwork she may forget or the sequence she may miss. I usually stood outside the auditorium and peeped in every few minutes to ensure she was fine. And heaved every time she got it right. She looked to me for validation regardless of the encomiums she received from others. She is smarter and more intelligent than I can ever hope to be. She can laze in bed doing nothing an entire day. But also can work hard to the point when I plead her to get some rest. She can say things to her father that I dare not dream of (ha ha...what pleasure!!) and get away with arguing fiercely with her grandmothers.
kurta that has just been dry cleaned and saved for a special evening? We worked out in the same gym. And I loved embarrassing her by teasing her trainer and distracting her impossibly tough sessions with him. And she gave me glaring why-dont you work-out- and - leave me - alone- looks. And always asked Amma, how do you manage to talk to everybody, all the time? Most often, we
walked together from home to gym and back. We pottered around in the kitchen together cooking a new dish, experimenting a new recipe. She was the royal taster if she approved of a dish, it had better be good. We planned dinners out and snuck into our beauty parlour for some quick waxing and eyebrows. I tagged along with her to Express Avenue and hung around exasperated as she tried
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February 2012
She is quite unlike me in many ways more practical and less emotional. She would often chide me for getting carried away Amma...why are you like this? this usually meant a quality I would be better off without. I have seldom seen her go overboard. She can hold herself very well and is amazingly sorted out for her age. You have such a lovely daughter! I hear this from someone every single day. And I know she is not only lovely.... also very special. And then, Tara got married last year. But nothing much changed for us as she waited for a visa to join her husband in Canada. I knew it was a question of time before she left to where she now belonged. I ardently wished she embarked on her new life soon. And she finally left on Tuesday. The goodbyes were not too emotional. After all the voluminous paperwork, meticulous packing and last minute preparations, we were exhausted when she left past midnight struggling with three humungous bags threatening to capsize from the trolley. When she walked away from me into the international terminal, I felt numb, even a tad relieved that she was finally moving to her new home ending her seven months long wait after marriage. Until I came home. As I walked in without her, the feeling of emptiness that engulfed me is indescribable. Her tiny room with pink walls; tinier bathroom with pink tiles and an array of cosmetics strewn on her vanity; her cupboards with clothes left behind; a big collage of her photos that I gifted for her 20th birthday; a cute picture of Krishna framed on her wall; the smell of her perfumes and colognes; a hairclip here; an earring there; a bill from a reputed store; granola bars and oil free snacks that she loved; her cot with soft cushions that she hugged to sleep; her dance costumes and CDs.....it seems just the other day that I held her in my arms as she wailed her way into this world 24 years ago! The prophets words ring in my mind as I come to terms with her absence: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Lifes longing for itself. They come through
Eves Times
you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archers hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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Eves Times
February 2012
Colours of Love
ach friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born - Anais Nin Theres a pleasant chill in the air, and I heard a neighbors daughter making plans for Valentines Day I couldnt resist thinking of something that happened three years back on Valentines Day... The V Day dawned bright and clear. There was an inexplicable thrill and chill in the air. Even though married for years, my daughters youthful passion and excitement for Valentines day celebrations had rubbed off on me too, and I found myself hoping that some random gift
or greeting card would come my way; either from my husband or from a caring friend. Even a box of chocolates would do, I reflected hopefully The door bell chimed and there was a courier staff at the door. Both my daughter and I made a beeline for the door. It was a beautifully wrapped gift , and inevitably for my daughter- a gift from her long time best buddy. My husband was poring over the newspapers, completely oblivious to any V day celebrations. I sidled up to him and informed him that it was Valentines Day. All I could elicit out of him was a grunt in reply.
Valsala Menon
Not to be discouraged, I asked him about a gift. He looked at me incredulously as though I had gone out of my mind, and went back to busying himself with the days news. Well, the media and souvenir stores had done their bit to create an atmosphere of romance and thrill in the air. As I sat around racking my brains as to who might possibly send me a gift (a near vain hope, but no harm in hoping), my mobile beeped. It was an SMS from my long time buddy Jatin. We were great buddies and were fond of sending funny messages up and down. The message was Send me
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Eves Times
box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers, in honor of our long standing SMS buddy ship. I thought I heard her snigger but decided to pointedly ignore her. At last, the door bell rang and I hastened to open the door. Yes! My friend had come! I opened the door to find a beautiful lady, Jatin and his son waiting out there, their faces wreathed in happy grins. He introduced me to his beautiful wife and we struck a rapport immediately. He then handed me an ornately crafted invitation card inviting me with family to attend his daughters Arangetram the coming week. I promised to do so, gladly. After exchanging pleasantries, they left and as soon as the door closed, my daughter collapsed into fits of laughter. Mom, where are your boxes of chocolates and bouquets of flowers? Undeterred, I replied, Ahem, it is not the box of chocolates or bouquets of flowers that is important. His gesture of friendship counts most. He brought his family over to meet me and he thought it most important to invite me first for his daughters dance recital. What more do I want than that most beautiful gesture of friendship? Needless to say, I cherished that gesture of his more than any box of chocolates or gifts. Even to this day, we remain the greatest of friends. Yes, Valentines Day is not only for couples or lovers. Its a day to honor true friendship as well.
your address. I texted back- Why? Reply- Please send. I am coming over to your place. Needless to say, I had my hopes high. At last, a good friend of mine had sensed my need to be cheered up and had decided to drop in with a bouquet of flowers, or a box of chocolates! I immediately texted him my address and even ventured to ask him when he was turning up. He replied that he would let
me know. With each chime of the hour, I waited with bated breath for my friend to turn up. Finally, it was late evening and yet there was no sign of him. I texted him asking whether he would be coming and he replied that he was on his way. The clock struck 7. I sat there in my living room feeling irritated for being kept waiting inexorably. My daughter shot me a pitying look but I assured her that my friend would definitely turn up with either a
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Eves Times
February 2012
cases and FIRs on kidnapping of their own kids, stepparent / foster parents abuse and property settlements. Couples splitting up and reengineering relationships with other partners is reflective of a lifestyle that is governed by a regular change of cars, interiors, bathrooms and designer clothes. Society is more and more a witness to singles and livein relationships without commitments. Gigolos and toy boys are becoming popular and wife swapping is part of the games that people play. A notable feature in the middle class, urban India is the woman alone. Many single women, widows, divorcees, deserted women are to be found in metros, cities, towns and villages. Even today, in a male dominated, patriarchal society that venerates the Manus laws, a woman does not have the freedom to pick, choose and discard a partner outside the frame of marriage. The mangalsutra is still in place like a fence that guards the breeding woman who has to supply offspring to perpetuate family lineages. However the repressive society is forcing educated, economically independent women to rethink marriage as an institution, a necessity. The need for a thaali around the neck or a wedding ring on the finger is getting to be an aberration. So does all this make you wonder whether marriage is all that it is made out to be?
Colours of Love
To Marry or not to Marry

Love is a promise, love
over or discarded. is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear - John Lennon
Padmini Natarajan
Marriages used to be dissolved by Panchayats, family and societal leaders; today marital ties are severed in courts. Often, acrimony erodes relationships during a divorce and reduces people to animals snarling and fighting over bits and pieces of debris accumulated during a period of living together. Children too are used as bargaining chips in this game of poker called divorce. Social scientists and youngsters are now asking a valid question.is marriage as an institution going to be sustainable? In todays times, the number of years of being married and the breaking down of relationships and couples opting for divorces has no relevance at all. Couples are calling it quits after 24 hours of being married or after living together for over three decades. Theres a commercial angle to this entire relationship rigmarole. The people who are extremely pleased with this marriage-divorce-re-marriage merry go round are wedding planners, event managers, Kalyana mandapams, small halls and hotels, caterers and on the flip side lawyers and marriage/child counselors too. High profile couples have declared war in public with dramatic splits, remarriages, child custody battles, police
Marriages used to be made in heaven, or that is what we were told and learnt to believe. Back then, the matchmaker had an influential role in the making of wedding vows. Today matchmakers have become dispensable with online sites taking up their role. The internet has more number of matrimonial websites and friendship groups that helps to connect people. General websites proliferate along with language and community based sites that act as matchmakers. Videos, chat sessions, SMSs and mobile calls are followed by real time meetings and then alliances are finalised, mulled
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Eves Times
example of my sister-in-law Shoba. Astute in strengthening relationships, she realized that a static relationship does not provide for sharing of new experiences that can bring out the best in both her and her husband. She went all out to adapt to changes after her marriage and actively developed many positive qualities to match the new circumstances after her marriage. With great finesse, she brought out the best qualities in her husband too so that both of them were in tune with each other and with the new marital status. Men are attracted not just by physical beauty , but by the overall pleasant personality of their woman, who is proactive and brings about dynamism in their relationship. Men love to be accepted for what they are
Colours of Love
Mars Versus Venus

W
e come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly - Anonymous February 2012, the month of the Valentine Day I think is not just time to celebrate the love day, but also to look at what men expect from women in a romantic love relationship. It is quite necessary they understand each other to make a success of their love life
Nirmala Subramanian
together. So its time we put on our thinking caps and start understanding these Martians; it is true that opposite poles attract, so it is appropriate to share the secrets that make men happy with the women in their life. I believe sharing expectations that men have from women would make for an enhanced learning experience. Men love dynamic women I would like to quote the
The understanding that men love to be accepted for what they are came from my observation of various men in my family; most prominently my father, who appreciated my mothers quality of not nagging him much. I have always felt that my mothers quiet and gentle ways spiced up with her compliments went a long way in encouraging my father in all his endeavours. In addition men greatly love women who give them enough time and space to concentrate well on their professional life and other family responsibilities. Possession and aggressiveness drive men up the wall My own observation and
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Eves Times
appreciated and praised with unpleasant messages being conveyed in a diplomatic and pleasant manner. Words of love, appreciation and praise have melted most mens hearts. Following the golden advice of praising and appreciating men would help build a lifetime of healthy relationship with them. Men are impressed by good dress sense Most of us have surely heard that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach; men also are impressed by good dress sense of women. Dressing well does not mean going in for extravagant options. Taking care to be well groomed , hygienic and wearing outfits that suit you attract men. Men love to feel wanted; quality personal time does the trick Men rarely vocalize they need quality time with their partners. But most of them love
February 2012
understanding of men have is that possessiveness, jealousy and aggressive behavior drive men faster away from women than even divorce threats. So it is best to understand, especially in case of men that you can never force or push them too fast for love, intimate and caring moments; it always takes time to grow. In addition, jealousy also means more trouble; but take my word, making guys jealous without yielding to his negative emotions could make him grow fonder. Also aggressiveness and venting of anger and frustration in a disagreeable way could build huge walls in the relationship; however having a cool talk and pleasantly seeking empathy or an affectionate hug may help in most cases. Men are impressed by positive word power It is true that watching what you speak and how you speak will have an impact on men. Martians love to be
to do things that are personal and enjoyable to them and their partner. They enjoy a relaxing time with their partner. Even an evening cup of coffee in the company of the woman they love, in a relaxed ambience does the trick. Doing weekly shopping together, having breakfast together especially during weekends and such other quality time everyday which gives scope for genial communication promotes a healthy relationship. These are some tips that have mostly worked universally; but I would like to end with a note of caution- there are always exceptions. If the chemistry is lacking in a relationship, then whatever you do or dont will not make any difference. So ensure that theres the magical chemistry first before you fall headlong into a permanent bond with a man of your choice!
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February 2012
Eves Times
Colours of Love
Venus Versus Mars

ove does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction - Antoine de Saint Exupery
Nirmala Subramanian
A loving relationship is complete only when men too understand the needs and expectations of women. Successful and bonding relationships in the present day context of liberated and emancipated women become complete only when men comprehend that women have their own inherent needs to be appreciated, feel wanted and loved. Women value honest men Honesty forms the basis of long
term relationships that women nurture and grow. Men need to understand that uttering a lie can mean the break of trust of a woman for a lifetime. Women are not what men think them to be; too delicate to handle truth. Honesty with women and a strong concern of not hurting her innermost feelings will keep them happy and earn their lifelong love. Women value loyal men
their presence. Even if it is a casual date or a dinner out with your woman, it is important to bestow your attention on her alone and make her feel cared for. Loyalty acquires utmost priority in binding long term relationships. Women love men that show interest It is best for Martians to understand that Venuses value prompt response; women feel neglected and lose interest in men that are not quick to take and return messages. Men have to give priority to their messages.; if they are busy they should respond back as early as possible to convey the message that they care and they have not taken the women for granted. Women are also busy today and understand; just a sentence or two would suffice through SMS
This does not mean only dating one woman to test compatibility. Loyalty refers to refrain from backbiting or talking ill of her inner feelings that she has expressed to you. Women can never tolerate their men hitting on or flirting with others in
or e-mail, if you are far off.
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Eves Times
February 2012
Women expect men to be friends first Women look at their partner as a friend first and then lovers. This would mean doing small acts that convey the unmistakable message of affection. Little gifts, flowers or even an imprommptu kiss or an offer of dance will reinforce the message that the man is her best friend. A surpise kiss or holding hands would keep a woman smiling for weeks. Dancing even in your living room just for fun once in a while would make her feel special and value these occasions. Women love men with a sense of humor and intelligence Humor and intelligence have always impressed women. Cheering and making them laugh while avoiding juvenile
pranks and crass jokes helps. It is important to be genuine. Tickling humor with flattering one liners do the trick of attracting women. Your intelligent conversation and decision making as a man would help your woman feel reassured and would also lead to better understanding and communication. Intelligence also lies in appreciating and listening to her decisions and suggestions and appreciating her viewpoints. Women expect respect of personal space Most women may cry out some time or the other, Cant you leave me alone to do things I want to do without you? Women detest
constant vigil from men and want personal space such as time with their own girl friends and own intimate family. Also women like men need time to themselves to refresh and rejuvenate in the intimate relationship. Women avoid men who appear too needy or desperate. So guys just put on that cool and confident cap to make your woman feel she is in a balanced relationship. These are some of some expectations women have of their men. They are not really difficult, but often are overlooked by men, making them feel neglected. Make your woman feel special and be assured she would make you feel extra special.
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suicide in the last 15 years. The statistic by itself may not prove or disprove anything specific. However, it is a good indicator of rural poverty in India and the total helplessness of the poor and the huge economic disparities between the rich and the poor. A website called Equality Trust lists several undesirable consequences of wage disparities based on a study of countries across the globe. These are
Revolutionary Changes in Taxation - Any Takers?
Higher infant death rates. Higher rates of mental

illness. use.
Higher incidence of drug Higher school drop- out

rate.
A larger proportion of their

population is in prisons.
Higher rate of obesity. Higher rates of homicide. Individuals in such societies

are less likely move out of their parents poverty. trust others less.
Individuals in such societies

It is necessary for a country like India to take seriously the problem of income disparity before it lands the country in social chaos. If anything, the disparities are growing alarmingly fast. In a previous article captioned, A tale of two countries (Eves Times, December 2011) it had been pointed out how our country is heading towards becoming the Greece of Asia, in terms of
Prof N. Natarajan
In their transnational research findings Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett have discovered that income inequality results in socially undesirable outcomes. Up to a point, income disparities are inevitable. For example wages are related to profession, expertise, experience and level of responsibility. It is also related to mismatch between supply and demand. But there is no case for very acute disparities as currently experienced in India. Over a quarter million farmers have committed
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token rate of, say 0.1% at the lowest level to 0.25% at the highest level. The aim should be to generate decent revenues and to ensure that the entire wealth is accounted for. When a person dies, a large part of his wealth, say 50% should be attached to the State, while the balance can be passed on to his legal successors. This proposal is based on the following logic. First the person would have looked after his family throughout his life and they should be quite happy to receive a windfall of half his wealth on his demise. Secondly, since the State requires revenues to manage the infrastructure, education, health, law and order and the countrys defence and diplomacy, a share of 50% in the dead mans estate will provide the required revenue. When a person is dead, he has no chance to be unhappy about the one- time tax that his estate will contribute to the exchequer. After all he would have paid practically nothing during his entire life time and enjoyed all the services free. When the State takes away half of a mans wealth upon his death, it will automatically vastly reduce wealth disparities. The successors will not be entitled to enjoy a much larger wealth, for creating which they had done nothing. Joint ownership of wealth by several individuals should be clearly apportioned to ensure that upon the death of every owner the state can claim 50% of his portion as estate duty. 2. Human beings by their very nature would like to plan their
February 2012
holdings in such a way as to pay minimal tax even upon death! One smart move can be to transfer your wealth to your family in your old age ahead of your death to escape estate duty (Tax on wealth upon death). The State can discourage this by levying a gift tax of say 15% on any transfer to anyone except the spouse. If a person still wants to gift his wealth away, so be it. It can grow in the recipients hand and ultimately get taxed as his estate! For certain classes of charities, which will deliver social goods in the form of education and health, the State can exempt the gift from gift tax. This will enhance educational and health facilities. It will also encourage wealthy people to donate for noble causes and earn a good name in society ahead of their death, once they know that if they didnt make such donations, the state would any way take half their wealth away upon their death. It is this motivation which is driving a lot of very rich and prosperous Americans to give away much
economic failure, by following the colonial mindset. In utter disregard for the growing income disparities, the political and the business classes are vigorously chanting the GDP and globalization mantra for salvation, even as western countries are practising more and more protectionism. Against the above background it is necessary to make revolutionary changes in the Indian taxation system. 1. The new thrust should be on tracking and taxing wealth instead of income. By abolishing income tax, black money generation can be immediately halted. There will be no need for anyone to hide his income. Moreover it will give immense satisfaction to a person if he is allowed to enjoy the entire fruit of his efforts. He can invest his savings in a judicious manner. His wealth should be tracked and taxed year after year, at a
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works hard to create wealth will be encouraged further if he is able to get his capital at a lower rate of interest, while a person sitting on idle wealth need not be paid rich rewards. This differentiation will force more people to enter business and earn more returns rather than parking huge amounts in bank deposits. That will create more employment. 5. Along with the abolition of income tax, Excise duty too should be abolished. That will make local goods competitive and give them an edge over imported goods. Businesses will not face harassment from excise inspectors. Customs duty may be levied at a uniform rate of, say 15%, to keep it moderate and to free businesses from discretionary controls. The above suggestions are not carved in stone, but of a tentative nature to stimulate your thinking on a different path altogether. The pros and cons will need to be debated and fine tuned to cover every situation. For example, one question is whether corporate income tax can also be abolished by resorting to nominal taxation of their wealth. Yet another is how a transition can be made. A third problem is to adjust the approximate rates suggested above to ensure that the state will continue to receive adequate revenues to balance its budget. There will be scores of other points. Please fasten your belts, put on your thinking caps and let your flight of imagination take you places.
of their wealth in charity. 3. A major distortion in wealth is being created by the astronomical appreciation in the price land. This is creating instant millionaires, without creating the wealth and without making any efforts. The abnormal increases in the price of land have a spiraling effect. It escalates the cost of residential and commercial occupancy which in turn increases wages and the cost of doing business to artificially higher levels and finally it is the consumer who has to pay for it and inflation rises. The beneficiary is of course the owner of the land and the property thereon. The best way to halt this unaffordable occupancy costs is to declare all urban land as state owned land and allow the current owners to enjoy it on lease-hold basis and the occupants can be charged lease rent based on guideline values with an yearly increase of say 2 to 5% to be shared by the State with the current owners. When an owner dies, the state should pay 50% of the value and take over the
whole property. Thereafter all the lease rent will be payable to the State. This procedure will stabilise rental values and arrest the speculative transactions in land. 4. A distinction should be made between earned income and unearned income. The present mindset that depositors should get a handsome interest on their bank and company deposits above the rate of inflation should be changed. Such deposits should be allowed only a nominal rate of interest, say 5% and no more. That will make money available to banks to lend to businesses at a relative lower interest. This will not be a popular suggestion. Yet it will make sense if you appreciate that a person who shows entrepreneurship, risk appetite and initiative and
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February 2012
The maximum Age at entry for child who is to be named nominee under the policy is 17 years (last birthday). The term under the policy is decided according to the age of the child. The minimum term would be (18 age of child) or 8 years whichever is higher and the maximum term would be (25 age of child) years. The minimum Sum Assured is Rs.1 lakh while there is no upper limit.
Secure
A
s another step forward in its endeavour to provide innovative products and services to the Indian Public, the Life Insurance Corporation of India has launched a new Plan, LICs Jeevan Ankuron 23 January. 2012. The product is specially designed to meet the educational and other needs of the child. A conventional, withprofits plan, Jeevan Ankur, is the most suitable insurance plan for parents who have a child aged up to 17 years, for this plan ensures that their responsibilities are met under all circumstances, without depending on anyone else. The plan covers the risk on the life of the parent and the named child shall be the nominee under the plan.
The Future Of Your Child
anniversary coinciding with or next, following the date of death, till the end of policy term to the nominee child. This will ensure the continuity of the childs education without any additional burden. Not only this, the nominee child will also get a lump sum amount equal to basic sum assured on the predefined maturity date of the policy along with Loyalty Additions, if any, to support higher education or start in professional life. If the parent survives till the end of the policy term as assured maturity benefit equal to Basic Sum assured along with Loyalty Additions, depending on Corporations experience, shall be payable. Accident Benefit Rider and Critical Illness Rider are two optional Benefits available under the plan. The Minimum Age at entry for a parent is 18 years (completed) while the maximum Age is 50 years (nearest birthday).
The policy can be purchased with a Single Premium or alternatively, premiums can be paid regularly through yearly, half-yearly, quarterly or monthly (through ECS only) or SSS mode over the term of the policy. Visit www.licindia.in for more details. After demonstrating its continued excellence in the area of claims and customer service, the Life Insurance Corporation of India has, once again, won the Golden Peacock Innovative Product /Services Award 2011 for its Health Insurance Product Jeevan Arogya, a comprehensive family health insurance plan. The award was decided by an eminent Jury under the Chairmanship of Justice P N Bhagwati, former Chief Justice of India and member UN Human Rights Commission. The product Jeevan Arogya launched in June 2011 has already set a new benchmark for the Corporation by selling three times the number of Health Insurance Policies sold in the whole of last year and is the only health insurance product to be awarded in this category. Prior to this, LICs Jeevan Saral Plan had won this coveted award and has sold a record more than 3.44 crore policies up to date.
In the event of unfortunate death of the parent during the policy term, the Basic Sum Assured is payable immediately on in force policies. In addition, an Income benefit equal to 10% of the Basic Sum Assured is payable from the policy
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VYSTHAA Health Tonic net weight 500ml Rate MRP Rs.750 (Seven hundred and fifty) in INDIA. Overseas Worldwide Indian Currency Rs.2500, (Two Thousand and Five Hundred) (including courier / Postage with Gift Pack). Customer Care : INDIA #00919597229085
FOR ONLINE
Send Indian Rs.750 (Seven hundred and Fifty) by the South Indian Bank in favour of K.SIVAGURUNATHAN Saving A/c. NO: 0021053000042264. SIFT CODE SOININ Payable at Dindigul 624 001 Branch send with BANK copy of Pay-in-Slip along with your Mobile ID, Door Address Pincode number by your E.Mail I.D. All the products sending by postal / courier to your Door Delivery Send E-Mail : shrisignlankan@yahoo.com Customer Care : 00919597229085.
DISTRIBUTORS & EXPORTERS Shri

SHRI SIGN LANKAN INTERNATIONAL 43/A, Renuga Devi Street, Dindigul 624 001. India. MOBILE : 00919597229085
SRILANKA IMPORTERS
SHRI SIGN LANKAN INTERNATIONAL Mangalya House, 158/1, Navalar Veethi, Jaffna, Srilanka. EMail : signsrilanka@gmail.com, Mobile : # 00940757736315
WANTED WORLD-WIDE FRANCHISE & IMPORTERS
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February 2012
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Eves Times
Registrar of Newspapers for India Registration Number TNENG/2005/16719
Regn. No: TN/ CC (S) Dn 354/ 11-13
Febuary 2012
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July 2012 February 2011

Enhance Your Life

final cover .indd 1

final cover .indd 2

Armor for Abandoned Women

The Sweetest Joy 6

Love through Quick Wit 36 the Ages 28

february Eves Times.indd 3

Contents Eves Times www.evestimesonline.com

I enclose cheque No Dated Rs..

TheWildest Woe Joy Sweetest The

A Meeting of Two Souls

Madam, my daughter got

Vijay Gopalan, Chartered Accountant on Relationships

Rules for the boyfriend! (Fiend maybe?)

Eves Times Adamancy Overcoming Prudence

In Love with Love

BLESSINGS! Faith Justified

Love Conquors All

Hearts will go on.

Until next month, Kirthi

b. Shoes arranged with the

Cherry Radish Small Red Apple Tomato

2. What are Love Arrows?

a. Placing a hand mirror under

Paris Los Angeles Philadelphia New York City

Small parrot White Dove Hummingbird Canary

4. What is a Love Lock?

10. A Love Feast:

Heart Pendant Long flowing curl Chastity Belt Engagement Ring

5. What is Puppy Love?

Affection for Dogs Jealous Love Loyal Friendship Juvenile Love

6. In what game is a score also known as Love?

Tennis Bridge Chess Soccer

a. A peacock feather b. A wedding ring c. A silver spoon d. Something blue

a. Drinking hot chocolate

Tthrough the ages

his is not a historic tale

For Men- Know your GIRL

For Women- Who is MR.RIGHT?

Answers To Love Quiz

How To Stay Young

And Always Remember

Amazing reply from J.P.Morgan, CEO

Salt n Pepper Korner

Valentine Days Special!

Smile Easy Recipes

Home Made Chocolates

Chocolate with Condensed Milk

For the icing

KOVAI PAZHAMUDIR CHOLAI

Branches: Saligramam Anna Nagar Numbambakkam ( Ooty Pazhamudir Nilaiyam)

To Marry or not to Marry

Mars Versus Venus

Venus Versus Mars

or e-mail, if you are far off.

Revolutionary Changes in Taxation - Any Takers?

Higher infant death rates. Higher rates of mental

Higher incidence of drug Higher school drop- out

A larger proportion of their

Higher rate of obesity. Higher rates of homicide. Individuals in such societies

Individuals in such societies

The Future Of Your Child

DISTRIBUTORS & EXPORTERS Shri