Smegma Law Inc.

1 Apr 2012 VIA U.S. MAIL Heywood Jablome 1060 West Addison Street Chicago, IL 60613 Re: Naughtius Maximus Productions LLC v. Does 1-1480 7:11-cv-03571-FUC-YU, Ref#0101010001110010011011110110110001101100

Dear Mr. Jablome: Smegma Law Inc. has been retained by Naughtius Maximus Productions LLC to threaten Internet Service Providers (ISP) subscribers who illegally download their copyright content, AKA: Basement Dwelling Pudwackers (BDP). BDP piracy is a very serious problem for smut producers, such as our client, who depends on revenues to purchase expensive residences, fast cars, and of course the young inexperienced models who take one in the face for a meager amount. On November 11, 2011, at 03:23:11 GMT (UTC), our agents (my cousin Lem; he set-up the Blue Ray Player in our house; he is smart) observed the public Internet Protocol (IP) address with which you are associated illegally BDP Pirating the following copyrighted file via BitTorrent: Midget Tranny Plumper Gang Bang 12 The ISP you were connected to: Noballs Communications Your IP address you were assigned during the BDP activity: 94.75.220.77 We have received a subpoena return from your ISP confirming that you are indeed the BDP pirate identified on the above listed date/time. On 1 July 2011 we filed an action against several anonymous BDP pirates (Naughtius Maximus Productions LLC v. Does 1-1480). Under the applicable rules of civil procedure, our lawsuit against you personally will not start unless we serve you with a complaint. While it is too late to undo the BDP pirating associated with your public IP address, we have prepared an offer to enable our client and I to get rich from the unspeakable harm caused by the illegal BDP pirating, as well as allowing both parties to avoid the expense of a lawsuit. Under the Copyright Law of the United States, copyright owners may recover up to $150,000 in statutory damages (in cases where statutory damages are applicable - which may or may not be the case here, but I sure hope it scares you into thinking $3400 is a GREAT deal!) per infringing file plus attorney's fees in

Fax: (334) 555-1212

473 Horass Rd., Outhouse 100

Tel: (334) 555-BLOW

cases, whereas here, BDP piracy was willful. You see, If I get half of the BDP pirates in this case to pay me, Naughtius Maximus Productions LLC and I will split $2,516,000 (740 Does X $3400 Fee = $2,516,000). If you are not going to pay the BDP fee, please make sure to run and hide so we can obtain a Default Judgment against you. In a recent case where the Copyright Law has been applied to BDP piracy, the court awarded $750 each against two BDP pirates who did not respond to court summons. You should have been at the after party. My wife danced on the table and we got real drunk off Cold Duck. Please know our track record of actually litigating these matters is not good. But we are getting better and once I interview all the applicants from the local employment agency, Im going to open a can owhoop ass. I just have to remember to make sure they are authorized to practice law, as well as passed the bar. In light of these factors, we believe avoiding litigation (and embarrassment yours and mine) by paying our demands, versus the costs of attorneys' fees is so very reasonable and in the best of faith. In exchange for paying the full BDP settlement sum of $3400, we will release you from liability and keep you name out of the public view. Extra bonus - If you settle now, we will even include at no extra cost, a great gift T-shirt: Smegma Law Inc., We Fight BDP Pirates! This special offer will expire on April 13, 2012 at 1:00 p.m - I plan to be down at the bar by then. If you reject our BDP settlement offer, I promise I will have my employee Mike repeatedly call you. I will apologize in advance for him; his Momma dropped him on his head a few times. Never mind that, you will be served with a Complaint and litigation will start (Im not joking). To reiterate: if you act promptly you will avoid being named as a Defendant in the lawsuit. You may pay the BDP settlement amount by: (a) Mailing a check or money order payable to "Smegma Law Inc. Slush Fund Account" to: Smegma Law Inc. 473 Horass Rd., Outhouse 100 Morass, AL 36092; (b) Completing and mailing/faxing the enclosed payment authorization to: Smegma Law Inc. 473 Horass Rd., Outhouse 100 Morass, AL 36092 Facsimile: (334) 555-1212 Be sure to reference your case number and your "Ref#" on your method of payment. Regardless of your payment method, once we have processed the BDP fee, we will mail you your signed Release as confirmation that you have been screwed by us, as well as being released from a really bad and terribly ugly lawsuit by our team of specialized attorneys (like my cousin Daryl. He gets really mean when he drinks shine).
For BDP Settlement Purposes Only - Not To Be Taken Seriously In Any Sense - Parody

Please consider this letter as formal notice that until and unless we are able to settle the BDP claim against you, we demand that you not delete any files from your computer or any other computers under your control or in your possession (Hell, just go unplug the damn thing). If forced to proceed against you in a lawsuit, we will have my sisters boyfriend (Bubba; he installed Windows once) inspect these computers in an effort to locate the above listed smut and to determine if you have deleted any content. If we find you have continued to use your computer and delete files, we will whine most loudly to the judge, because we know you are guilty. I have been practicing my whining lately and think I can beat you. If you are unfamiliar with the BDP nature of this claim in this context, please consult an attorney. We strongly encourage you to consult with an attorney to review your rights in connection with this matter. Although we have endeavored to scare you into paying us, you should not rely on our allegation as anything close to being based on fact or good faith. Only hiring an attorney costing more than paying us can be relied upon for a comprehensive analysis of our BDP claim against you. Enclosed, please find a totally unbiased Frequently Asked Questions sheet, a payment authorization form and a sample of the Release that you will receive (suitable for framing or use in the outhouse). We look forward to obtaining your money by scaring you with possible job loss, financial ruin, loss of family and friend respect, and anything else we can think of. Sincerely, Johnson (Willy) Smeghead Attorney and Toilet Cleaner at the local lodge

Enclosures

For BDP Settlement Purposes Only - Not To Be Taken Seriously In Any Sense - Parody