What is Self-Esteem?

Everyone holds opinions about the type of person that they are. These opinions are at the heart of self-esteem and they affect how we feel about and value ourselves. Self-esteem is not static and fixed, our beliefs about ourselves can change throughout our life as a result of circumstance and experience. Improving our self esteem increases our confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. If we have low self-esteem these beliefs will often be negative. We may focus on what we feel are our weaknesses, and mistakes that we have made. People think I am confident because I can address a room full of people. The reality is that I spend most of my time thinking that Im not good enough. If, I give a speech, I spend the next few days thinking about all the mistakes I made. -If a person has high self-esteem, he will generally see himself in a positive light. We might find that life events such as losing our job, ending a relationship or being bereaved give our confidence a huge knock, but high self-esteem can act as a buffer to absorb these knocks and help us bounce back. According to Denis Waitley: "It's not what you are that holds you back, it's what you think you are not" Our beliefs make the difference between high and low self-esteem. It is important to realize that these are only opinions, they are not facts. They can be biased or inaccurate, and there are steps we can take to change them.

How is self-esteem related to mental health?

Low self-esteem alone is not a recognized mental health problem, but if you have low selfesteem it will have an effect on your mental health. Here, well look forward to some more prospective of this topic:

Holding negative beliefs about ourselves lowers our resilience and ability to cope with the stresses of life. This can place us at a higher risk of developing mental health problems such as eating disorders, depression or social phobia, which are closely related to our mood and self-belief.

Low self-esteem can be triggered or made worse by existing mental health problems, such as a panic disorder or schizophrenia. We may find that the pressure of other symptoms and the stigma associated with mental health problems impacts on the way we see ourselves.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

We can divide self-esteem symptoms in three parts: Cognitive Symptoms Behavioral Symptoms

Emotional Symptoms

Cognitive Symptoms and low Self-esteem Consequences:

Faulty Self Image- Low self esteem is the view or belief that one has of oneself as inadequate, unlovable, unworthy and/or incompetent. This perception comes from one's interpretation of the dysfunctional behavior of people in the child's early environment. In other words, the child is often the brunt of anger, abandonment, abuse, neglect, and or continual negative criticism and scorn. Inability To Discern Who and When to Trust- Having been betrayed by those closest to them as children and often by the people they should have been most able to trust and rely on, those with low self esteem are confused aboutand unable to discern who and when to trust. Consequently, they often trust the person who simply is nice to them or shows them some attention, opening the door to being easily swayed, taken advantage of, and manipulated, while they dont trust those who are trustworthy. Irrational and Distorted Self-Statements- Self-statements are the statements we make to ourselves in our heads. Once a child develops an image of himself/herself as inadequate (or not good enough, etc.) he/she treats herself and expects to be treated

accordingly. He/ She tends to be overly critical of himself/ herself and to inwardly agree with others' criticisms of him/her, even though he/she may initially put up an argument against any negative feedback. He /She may reject compliments, and even criticize people who compliment her, for having low standards or for misjudging him/her. Lacking Self Confidence- Those with low self esteem are generally not confident that they can succeed in life. When something discouraging happens, they interpret the situation as proof that they will not prevail in their attempts to be successful. Overly Critical of Self and Others- Unknowingly, those with low self esteem tend to be very critical of themselves when they are less than perfect and of others for the same reasons. This overly critical attitude comes from their feelings of inadequacy and fear of making a mistake. Their over-attention to doing things right extends to others who they also judge with a critical eye. Rigidity- Motivated by fear of doing something wrong and receiving negative feedback, those who have low self esteem seemingly need to narrow their choices to be safe from erring. Self-focused- Lacking self-esteem sufferers can be very self-focused, only viewing and thinking of what goes on around them on the basis of their own needs and wants. They find it difficult to put themselves in the shoes of others or to recognize how their behavior affects others. They are often aloof , appear to be very selfish, even narcissistic, though they are motivated out of feelings of inadequacy, not selfishness or grandiosity. Unreasonable Expectations - Low self esteem sufferers often "test the love and devotion of people they feel close to, throwing out cues as to what they want or need and then expecting their partners, friends, and family to pick up these cues and supply what's wanted or needed. They feel that others should know what they want and need and are devastated when the person doesnt do whats anticipated. Behavioral Symptoms: Inability to maintain integrity during interactions with others. Demanding to be right, needing to have agreement or have our own way most of the time, or constantly acquiescing to the will and opinions of others.

Constantly comparing ourselves to others, thereby feeling inferior or superior. Black/white, either/or thinking; e.g., believing that a person is either good or bad based on rigid standards of behavior. Having pervasive deep-seated feelings of fear, terror, or panic.

Emotional Symptoms and Consequences: Depression-Most cases of depression are the result of low self esteem. Most individuals who suffer from low self esteem have differing degrees of situational depression at different times in their lives--some have consistent depression for years and until they go through the recovery process. Discouragement-Discouragement is a common emotion of those with low self esteem who have unusually high expectations of others and who have either unreasonably high or non existing goals for themselves. Mixed Emotions-Those who suffer from low self-esteem find their emotions fluctuating frequently and without warning Fear and Anxiety-Fear and anxiety are the cornerstone of low self esteem. Based on early life experiences, people develop a perspective of how they fit in the world: whether they are adequate, lovable, worthy, and/or competent. If their view of themselves is negative, they go through life fearful and anxious, on guard, disappointed, anticipating the worst, and unable to relax until they recover from this devastating issue of low self esteem. What are the signs of high self-esteem? Signs of High Self-Esteem

Having an internal locus of control. Taking care of oneself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Maintaining a balance between extremes of thought, feeling, and behavior. Managing ones responsibilities and duties. Being dedicated toward the assigned work. Honoring individual differences among people.

Listening to other points of view. Knowing ones own strengths and weaknesses. Choosing continuous self-improvement and taking positive risks. Demonstrating self-respect, self-confidence, and self-acceptance. Respecting others decisions. Being able to tackle a complex situation.

Advantages of having high self-esteemDeveloping high self esteem is a dynamic process with bountiful returns. The rewards include successful life, satisfaction for yourself, as well as contributing value to the world.

High self-esteem implies confidence and trust in personal abilities. Helps a person to cope up with the challenges of life. It enables us to acknowledge weaknesses as well as strengths Self esteem shows emotional resilience A person having high self-esteem accepts criticism and evaluates it for personal development.

These individual comfortably shares the joys of achievement and success. Individuals having high self-esteem looks at his life's events as learning opportunities. Self-esteem allows a person to communicate confidently. It permits one to be present in the moment, as there is no need to worry about the past nor the future.

Encourages goal setting and persistence, as there is confidence in the ability to create ones own outcomes. Healthy self-esteem boosts ones personal development.

Disadvantages of having low self-esteem People with low self-esteem often have difficulty asserting themselves in situations such as work, schools , colleges and sometimes in his own locality.

They are unable to express their thoughts and feelings so, in many cases, these people fall behind. They are pessimistic about life, often view things as half-empty and remember the worst factor of a particular situation or, person. People with low self-esteem lack confidence in public speaking and delivering presentations. Having low self-esteem is often a reason behind dilemma and complications in the decision making process. People with low self-esteem Overreacts emotionally to situations in which those with healthy self-esteem would not. Low self-esteem creates differences between colleagues which ruins the work environment. Low self-esteem shows the negative characteristics of the people to others even if he is not a bad person.

How to enhance ones self-esteem? The way we feel about ourselves has a huge affect on the way we treat ourselves and others, and on the kinds of choices we make. Denis Waitley said"It's not what you are that holds you back , it's what you think you are not" Followings are some behaviors indicated that increase self-esteem, enhance our self-confidence, and spur our motivation: We should stop comparing ourselves with other people. There will always be some people who have more than us and some who have less. If we play the comparison game, well run into too many "opponents" that we can't defeat. We have to stop putting ourselves down. We can't develop high self-esteem if we repeat negative phrases about ourselves and our abilities. Using affirmation can boost up our self-esteem. Getting involved in work and activities we love helps us to build self-esteem. Self-esteem flourishes when we are engaged in work and activities that we enjoy and make us feel valuable

Taking action-the top factor of building and enhancing self-esteem. We won't develop high self-esteem if we sit on the sidelines and back away from challenges. When we take action - regardless of the ensuing result ,we feel better about ourselves. When we fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, we'll be frustrated and unhappy - and we will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to our self-esteem.

Choosing to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to learn can be a driving factor of high self-esteem. We need to view a failure as the conclusion of our performance, not the end of our entire career.

Setting goals and working passionately well take us a long way down to the path of high self-esteem.

Written by Fahmida Shahid.