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Southern Living Magazine

Getting Over the Bridge


Rape Trauma Syndrome
Sexual Assault Survivor Speaks Out on Moving On Whitney Way Attack During the attack survivors either fight, flight or freeze Disorientation during the attack may feel like one being outside oneself, helps victims dissociate themselves from fear and pain during attack Focus on Survival allows victim to do things they might not ever have done in an attempt to survive. Avoidance Symptoms Avoid thought and feeling of trauma Avoid activities that are reminders of the event Desire to change job, housing or any disruption of normal events Lack of sexual interest or pleasure Physical or emotional numbness
Information provided by: Community Center Inc.

As Jamie* readjusts her button up shirt, she sets down her hot chocolate and looks to the door of the softly lit coffeehouse. Jamie, a sturdy young woman, is a third year journalism student at Southern Illinois University Carbondale. The 20 year old has dreams of becoming a freelance photographer. I heard about Southern from one of my best friends from high school and decided to check it out, Jamie said. I came down for a visit and fell in love with the campus. Jamie said once she saw the campus she stopped looking at other schools and decided where she wanted to spend the next four years of her life. Jamie said she was also attracted to the social reputation of the university. My mom was always really strict, right up until I left, she said. I liked the idea of going out at night and not having to worry about coming homethat would all be new to me.
Many sexual assault victims drop out of college due to the fear of regularly seeing their attacker. According to 2002 US Justice Department report.
Photo provided by:bsmtexasbaptist.org

Jamie added she had very little experience with alcohol or drugs impart due to her stern upbringing. I had my first shot the weekend I moved into the dorms, she laughed. My freshman year was a giant party; it was everything I never got to do when I was (at) home. Jamies recollection of her first semester at southern contains fond yet embarrassing moments.

One time I got so drunk, my friends had to carry me back to my room, she said. I was so embarrassed, but everyone got wasted throughout the week so I didnt feel too bad after a while. Her freshman year at college One time I got so drunk, my friends had to carry me back to my would be one of the most room, she said. I was so embarrassed, but everyone got wasted memorable years of her life, not throughout the week so I didnt feel too bad after a while. only due to her first party experiences, newfound friends and a few favored insightful instructors, but because this is when she would suffer the most traumatic event of her life. It was just another party, like any other, she said. We went to a house party in Lewis Park and were hanging out, drinking, listening to music and playing games. She pauses. Looking back, I drank way too much, she said. Jamie said the sequences of events that night are garbled but inexplicably clear. She said she remembered drinking out of a large 'goblet' that contained clear liquid. She could not name the alcohol. As she starred at the TV which seemed to have an unusual brightness, she saw a guy she knew whisper into the ear of another guy. She was carried upstairs and laid into a bed. She remembers someone kissing her, but could not bring her hands to push him off. It was like I was watching what was happing through the eyes of someone elseI saw (what was) happening but couldnt move. According to a Department of Community Medicine article, Alcohol-Related Sexual Assault: A Common Problem Among College Students by Antonia Abby Ph.D., what Jamie is describing is a symptom of functional drunkenness defined as a state of lowered cognition but still having some function, although impaired, of motor functions. Abby Builderback, an adult counselor at the Womens Center of Carbondale said legally, a woman cannot give consent to any sexual acts while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Many incidents of college sexual assault involve alcohol, Builderback said.

Photo provided by: Daily Egyptian.com

Builderback said the Womens Center of Carbondale serves seven surrounding counties and Jackson countythe one that contains SIUC, she added has the highest amount of go outs. A 'go out' is when a sexual assault counselor reports to a hospital when an occurrence of sexual assault is suspected. By law, hospitals and police departments in Illinois are required to contact support centers when a patient exhibits signs of sexual assault. Jamie never went to a hospital. She did not tell anyone what happened until months later. "I tried to pretend like it didn't happen," Jamie said. "I just didn't want to talk about it." Jamie said she did not go to the police because she did not want anyone to know what happened. She said she didn't think anyone would believe her because she had been so drunk. "I felt really bad for a long time," she said. "I stopped going out, I didn't go to a lot of my classes, I didn't want to do anything anymore." Jamie said she never contemplated suicide, but began to develop an aversion to everyday life. "I cried a lot, sometimes out of nowhere...it would just hit me sometimes," she said. "I'd just stay in my bed all day." Jamie soon realized what she was hiding from could not be evaded by excessive sleep and closed curtains. "I saw myself...just slipping away," she said. "I didn't like what I was doing (to myself)." Violence prevention coordinator Dr. Derrick Williams said many women who suffer from sexual assault display similar behavior. "After attacks like that, many women feel shameful and guilt(y) about what happened to them," Williams said. "Rape is a horrific crime...its alarming how often it happens and even more how often it goes unreported." Builderback said the symptoms Jamie describes are consistent with Rape Trauma Syndrome. First defined by psychiatrist Ann Wolbert Burgress, RTS is a disruption of normal physical, emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and interpersonal characteristics, according to the Community Crisis Center, Inc. newsletter. She said every victim has an individual process and as the symptoms of a sexual assault survivor parallel, so do the recovery steps. "Every victim wants to be heard and believed," Builderback said. "It's a healing journey...it takes time." Builderback said she found that support from family and friends and counseling really helps in a survivors path recovery.

Jamie said talking about what happened and understanding she was not at fault helped her cope. She said her mom and family also contributed to healing.
Jamie said talking about what happened and understanding she was not at fault helped her cope. She said her mom and family also contributed to healing. "When I called my mom and told her what happened, it just felt better," she said. "I didn't feel so alone anymore." Jamie said she has told only a handful of close friends and family members what happened. She said she decided to publically speak about the incident because she remembers how alleviated she felt when she spoke to someone about her attack. "No one should ever go through something like that alone, you have to talk to someone before it's too late." Jamie said she occasionally saw her attackers around campus, but stopped seeing them after her sophomore year. She said she has contemplated pressing charges, but is pessimistic about the outcome. "I know how that would go, I'd lose," she said. "I'm not angry anymore, now I just focus on what I want to do with myself." Jamie said she hopes to graduate and work as a freelance photographer. "I'd like to travel and see different places," she said. "I didn't want that to control how I saw myself." Jamie said she has found peace with what happened and hopes by speaking out she can encourage other victims to come forward. "I just want to live my life...and I will."

*Jamie is a pseudonym because it is against ethical policy to publish the names of sexual assault victims.

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