First Test, day one, Lord's

England v India - day one as it happened

England ended up 127 for two after a damp and cagey first day of play, with Jonathan Trott unbeaten on 58 Andy Bull (morning and evening session) and Rob Smyth (afternoon session) Thursday 21 July 2011 10.07 BST

Morning everyone. How are you feeling this morning? Palms a little moist? Brow a touch fevered? Thoughts about the respective merits of Tim Bresnan and Stuart Broad inexplicably dominating your inner monologue? It's time, at last. The 2000th Test, the 100th between England and India, and the most eagerly anticipated match in this country outside of an Ashes series since the West Indies were in their pomp a whippersnapper's lifetime ago. This being the proper start of the summer it's probably worth checking the weather. A quick look outside the window from the top floor of Guardian Towers eastwards across the cityscape shows a solid gray morass of cloud, stretching from here to St John's Wood. We might not start on time but the weathermen say that we'll get plenty of play, perhaps interrupted by a shower or two in the middle of the afternoon. I'm going to need to drink another cup of coffee or two before I can get into this in earnest. While I do that, why don't you go watch Goldenhair Gower and other highlights from series gone by. Or, if your boss is so mean that he doesn't allow you to watch YouTube at work, here's a whole page load of ways to waste the final hour before the start of play reading about what we're about to see unfold. The power of a good montage knows no bounds. Sky have just run a highlights reel of the key match-ups in this series, and my excitement levels have shot up. But they won't really peak until Rob Smyth arrives in the office, he's been giggling like a schoolgirl all week. He even threatened to get out of bed early this morning. Not that early, obviously, because he's not here yet. England have a great opportunity to take a lead here at Lord's. Half of India's team are still trying to readjust from the conditions they faced in the West Indies, and the rest haven't played a Test match in over six months. There's a little grass on the pitch, and a lot of moisture in the air. It should be a good morning to bowl. The first email of the series comes from Anand Kumar. Because he really wanted it. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you. "I wanted to be the first person to be on OBO for this "can't wait for the damn thing to begin" test series. Being a scarred Indian fan who endured the humiliation of overseas defeats for a long time, I have a very strange feeling about this one. In 96-97, When India toured SA, I thought SRT would score a 100 in the first test. 100 was scored but by the whole team! Again, on the recent tour to SA, I was hoping for great 1st innings things and on a rain shortened day, we were bundled out. Considering the overcast conditions in Lord's and the number of Saffers in the English team, I am scared this will happen again. Please say it won't! Please!"

If anyone had any false impressions about just how good India are, it's worth remembering that they have never lost a Test series under MS Dhoni's captaincy. That's the kind of consistency that takes you to No1 in the world. Mike Holding is wondering exactly what Duncan Fletcher can tell the senior batsmen in India's team. Not much, he reckons. Reluctant as I am to contradict Mikey, the word from Fletch is that he has already been doing a little technical tinkering with Rahul Dravid in the West Indies. This is just cruel: "I've been re-reading the OBOs from the previous two Ashes series (for fun) and found this 2009 gems from Rob Smyth," writes Lorraine Reese. "'There is sincerely more chance of me slicing off my swingers and donating them to charity than there is of me going on Tw*tter.'" Oh Bobby. The groundstaff are doing the hokey-cokey with the covers, and for the moment the toss is going to be delayed just a touch. Gah. I'm thoroughly fed up with all the foreplay. Can we start already? Out in the middle Sachin Tendulkar is in his tracksuit, facing a few throwdowns and creaming a few straight drives down the ground. He pauses to have a little chat with Fletch, who is no doubt reminding him about how to play the forward press. On the subject of Sachin, earlier this year I had the privilege of watching him score his 98th and 99th international centuries during the World Cup in India. They were a perfect pair of innings, one efficient, the other explosive. If you've seen Sachin bat in India, you'll become a believer. Since then I honestly think he is neck-and-neck with Bradman as the best batsman international cricket has known. The pressur and expectation he lives with has never been better expressed than it was by the poet CP Sunderan: "Batsmen walk out into the middle alone. Not Tendulkar. Every time Tendulkar walks to the crease, a whole nation, tatters and all, marches with him to the battle arena. A pauper people pleading for relief, remission from the lifelong anxiety of being Indian, by joining in spirit their visioned saviour." "Be careful what you wish for" says Daniel Beckell. "...it might come true; There seem to be a lot of bloggers/pundits hoping for a fairytale Tendulkar ton today. I'm not one of them. I want England to win and, if Tendulkar does score a ton, it increases the chances of an India win. As such, and I acknowledge this is more than a little one-eyed, I hope he treads on his stumps first up. There, I've said it." If Don Bradman had experienced the level of scrutiny that Sachin has been subject too, his reputation both today and in time gone by would have been very, very different. But that may be a story for another time. "Mr Kumar can have the first e-mail of the series, but can I pitch for the last?" asks Gary Naylor, who has surely earned the right to. "Well, what a series. People will claim that the highlight was Sachin's 100th 100 at Lord's, but I'm going for Laxman turning back the clock ten years with a double ton to give India another win after following on at Edgbaston. But you can't argue with England's 3-1 win to go top of the World Rankings, Broad's three five-fers or KP's return to his best. We didn't expect this starting out on a grey morning at Lord's when David Cameron was still Prime Minister and Sky was still broadcasting." By the end of the series I will be in South Korea. No, don't ask. The toss will be held at 11am. Here's John Dalby, coming over all misty-eyed: "The recent tiresome debate over the ICC all time XI got me to thinking about an altogether more interesting ATG-type list. If I shut my eyes and try to imagine the perfect cricketing scene, what do I see? The skies over Newlands are a striking blue with the clouds enveloping Devils Peak providing a hint of weather to come. Taking guard is the Little Master, scratching

his mark in the crease, demonstrating complete ambivalence towards anything going on about him. Malcolm Marshall stands what seems half a mile away, looking as harmless and pleasant as he was chillingly effective. Carl Hooper stands at the non-strikers end, floppy sun hat and all, quietly surveying the scene with a serenity of a man whose heart-rate has never risen above 45. Jonty Rhodes skips about at point, like the PE Teachers pet, all athleticism and cat-like reflexes eager to please his master but sneering towards anyone whose ability doesn't match his own. And so it goes, the players change positions, I sometimes have Hooper at slip, alongside the incessant jabbering of Adam Gilchrist, with Gower at his flowing peak, almost horizontally relaxed at the non-strikers end. Who is grazing out at cow corner? Who are the umpires? Basically, what is the pitch perfect snapshot of a cricket match that you would sell your children and your prized Test Match game from the 80's to be able to watch?" Time for the toss! And India have won it! They will bowl first. !!!!!!!!! Sorry, sudden flush of excitement there. "Any news on the teams?" asks Ant Pease. "Surely Sky have had the decency to have bugged the dressing rooms?" Well, for starters, Yuvraj has been left out of the Indian team. And England have picked Stuart Broad, not Tim Bresnan. "It gives better balance to our side and certainly to our bowling attack," says Strauss. He admits he would have bowled first if he had won the toss. Praveen Kumar takes the final slot in the Indian bowling line-up, so they look like this: G Gambhir, A Mukund, SR Tendulkar, R Dravid, VVS Laxman, SK Raina, MS Dhoni, Harbhajan Singh, Z Khan, I Sharma, P Kumar. And England look like this: AN Cook, AJ Strauss, IJL Trott, KP Pietersen, IR Bell, EJG Morgan, MJ Prior, GP Swann, SCJ Broad, JM Anderson, CT Tremlett. That's a great start to the series for India then, not that we've had a ball bowled yet. Rob Smyth has arrived in the nick of time too. He scowls at the TV and mutters "Trent Bridge, 2007 all over again" to himself. So we're all set to start. Except that the match has been delayed by a wet outfield, so we'll wait a little longer yet. "I am bound to say your normal sound judgement is wobbling over Tendulkar," writes Jon Perraton. Remember the all time test batting rankings. There are more things in heaven and earth, Perraton, than are dreamt of in your statistics. You cannot calculate the intangibles. "Now India are going to bowl, I wouldn't really mind if it started raining quite a lot..." Oh, Piers Barclay, has it come to that already. Soothe yourself with calming thoughts of Jonathan Trott's forward defensive. I'm a little surprised that England have chosen Stuart Broad, unless they're still entertaining thoughts about the relative weakness of the Indian batsmen against short-pitched bowling. As James Himsworth says: "Stuart Broad has got to do something to warrant his selection here, he was poor in the Ashes before he was injured and he was poor against Sri Lanka, whereas Big Timmy Bres has been in sublime form." "I don't grudge your mancrush on Sachin," says Prasanna A. But "tatters and all, pauper people, lifelong anxiety of being Indian" is just pure hogwash." [Hogwash, poetry, sometimes they're functional synonyms for one another, no? Anyway...] "Think Indian self-esteem is several notches above what it used to be in seventies and eighties. And due to various factors which may or may not include sports. I am Indian and let me tell you that Sachin has let me/us down as many times as he has lifted our spirits. On the other hand, since the 2001 Ind-Aus series, the Indian batting line-up has collectively lived up to its lofty reputation. So the rational Indian puts his faith in the team or more specifically in Sehwag, Dravid, Sachin and VVS. And without Sehwag, we are going to be under the cosh most of the series. It will take all of Dhoni's self confidence to wrangle a drawn series. So please stop projecting your converter's zeal re Sachin

on the whole Indian population." That's all very true, Prasanna. I should have been more specific. Sunderan wrote that in the mid-90s, when it had more of a ring of truth about it than it does now. But it is still a serviceable shorthand for the pressures the man has endured over the length of his 22-year career. More hot montage action from Sky, and by the time it has faded out we are just about ready to start. The gangling Ishant walks down the pavilion steps, a ball clutched in his hand, and over in the stands Alec Stewart rings the silver bell that signals five minutes to the start of play. "John Dalby's misty-eyed reminec-, remenisc-, RECOLLECTIONS mentioning the majestic Test Match board game take me back to only a few years ago," writes Neil Withers. "When as a late 20something I returned to my parents home with a few friends to watch my local football team play an early season game. Now, my parents were abroad at the time (as the middle class retirees they are) so the day after the game my friends and I got out the old faithful Test Match and played a few games, carefully smoothing the faded green plasticky cloth onto the living room carpet to get a true playing surface. When the time came to leave, we picked up all the players and peeled back the faded green plasticky cloth to reveal... a perfect (if sticky) green hexagon on my parents' beloved beige living room carpet. Never has my life resembled a Yellow Pages advert so closely! After much (MUCH) cleaning, scrubbing, scouring and chemicals later, we had to leave, unsure whether the dark patch was just because the carpet was still a bit wet. I'd love to pretend my parents are none the wiser, but as a dutiful son (who also went back while they were still away to check) I told them after they got back - while they were too jet-lagged to get properly annoyed." I can't stop top appreciate the quality of Wither's story, because India are gathering in to a huddle and England's openers are walking out to the middle. "Spine-tingling moments for every player..." opines Athers. Ladies and Gents, let's begin... Zaheer, looking a little wide around the middle bowls a pair of practice deliveries and then turns to face Andrew Strauss... 1st over: England 0-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 0) Zaheer's first ball cuts back in off the seam, past Strauss' outside edge. There didn't seem to be too much pace on the ball, so the slips shuffle up a little closer. The Indians in the crowd are already making a racket, crying out "ZA-HEER! ZAHEER!, ZA-HEER, ZAHEER!" His length is already full, and his line hovers around off-stump. He knows what he is doing. A couple of balls pass by the bat, and the others are patted down into the ground. It's a maiden. 2nd over: England 0-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 0) Praveen Kumar starts at the other end, which is interesting. Like Zaheer, Praveen is a bit of an artist with the ball. These two must be the slowest opening pair in world cricket. He won't get it up above 80mph, but he will swing the ball. My word. What a first delivery, and what a second delivery too. Praveen is getting an absurd amount of movement in his first over, landing the ball on middle-and-leg and making it loop past the outside edge. He switches around the wicket for the final ball, and Cook swings and misses at a delivery that hardly gets through to Dhoni. This has been a wonderfully old-fashioned start to the match, a real test of technique. "On the jubilee line this morning there were a group of Indian fans sporting flags and the Ishant "display bust in a down market jeweller's" look," writes Dom Hastings. "They were singing "who's the fat man in the hat?" to no one in particular, pausing occasionally to fall about in mirth. When they disembarked at St John's Wood the song changed to "Graeme Swann, he's a duck!!" and as the door closed and the train sped off towards central London I was left slightly perplexed - something lost in translation?" 3rd over: England 0-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 0) Zaheer is now bowling too wide to trouble Strauss. He shows enough restraint to leave the first three balls alone, and then strides out to play a worrying sort of shot at a ball that just swings by his outside edge. Three maidens to start with then, and at the end of this over Zaheer stops mid-wicket, puts his hand on his hip and shoots Strauss a sly look that seems to say, "I've got your measure, fella." Bikram Shivkumar is following the OBO from Chennai: "Yup, palms are sweaty,

feeling slightly feverish...the symptoms before a big India game are all present. A quote from someone way more articulate than I am: 'You will hear people say that there is no sentiment in sport. Of course there is. A touch of sadness, a bit of joy, a lump in the throat and hope in the breast, that is what we watch and play sport for. Take away sentiment and emotion and sport grows cold." 4th over: England 5-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 5) Praveen switches back over the wicket. His first ball is too short, and Cook cuts England's first runs away square. Harbhajan lumbers after it like a donkey chasing a carrot. Later in the over Praveen beats the bat with a straight delivery, it hits Cook on the pads in front of leg stump, but the umpire shakes his head. And rightly so, it pitched outside leg and was passing over the top of the stumps. But it was a first reminder that at some point in this series India are going to have real cause to regret their dogmatic resistance to the DRS, which is not being used for lbw decisions in this series. "Three maidens," scoffs Tarun Baloch. "Are England preparing for Timeless Test already?" Well, they're up and running now. Cook collects another single at the end of the over. 5th over: England 7-0 (Strauss 1, Cook 5) Cook collects a leg bye, and later in the over Strauss gets his first single too. "On the subject of Indian fans and their chants, there's certainly an element of lost in translation, but also something more sinister at times," says Will Russell. "We were in Nagpur for the 1st test in 2006, where Alastair Cook (and Ian Blackwell!) made their Test debuts. After a day or so of listening to the crowd, we concluded that they were chanting 'Hoggy is a bastard', in the direction of our favourite Yorkshire dog-lover. They must have been annoyed that he took 6-57 in the first innings. Hoggy then rode the Man of the Match motorbike around the outfield after the match. Good stuff." To be fair, the England fans can be just as bad at times - look at how they taunted Mitchell Johnson and Jason Gillespie. 6th over: England 12-0 (Strauss 2, Cook 9) Strauss steers a single past the slips, and Cook then picks a delivery from Praveen that comes back the other way. He whips it away square and takes two runs. He plays a slightly less graceful version of the same shot to the next ball, and England take two more. Cook looks in impeccable touch. "Two friends of mine in their Test Match heyday (c.1987) decided in their boredom to alter one of the game balls, altering the smooth sphere with badly-applied varnish to create the a different delivery option," Tom Oxley rambles on, "Rolling it slower down the bowler's chute allowed the ball to stick to the miscreant fibres of the fluffy playing surface. In other words, spin." Goodness Oxley, that was like listening to a particularly incoherent anecdote from an inebriated MCC member. 7th over: England 18-0 (Strauss 5, Cook 12) That's a chance! Ishant throws at the stumps from mid-on, with Strauss out of his ground. The ball whistles by. If it had hit he would have been out. Cook clips three runs away to mid-wicket, and Strauss eases a single away square. "I get that sly look you refer to from my tailor," writes Paul Billington. "He's always wrong though." 8th over: England 18-0 (Strauss 5, Cook 12) Oddly, Praveen seems to be swinging the ball less now that the lacquer has come off, which is the opposite of what you would expect. He's tightened his line though, all six balls landing on middle-and-leg and moving a touch towards off. Cook deadbats all six of them. Alan White is another OBO reader experiencing Test Match induced flashbacks thanks to that earlier photo: "We used to fold the mat in half when packing it away which left a selection of slightly curved creases running down the middle of the wicket. With just a tiny alteration of line the ball would follow the path of these creases, allowing us to swing it both ways like Anderson in his pomp. DOES IT GET BETTER THAN THAT? No. No, it doesn't." 9th over: England 19-0 (Strauss 6, Cook 12) Zaheer tinkers with his field. He only has two slips in place for Strauss now, which seems a little cautious in these conditions. he beats the bat outside off stump, and then serves up a ball that is too straight and which Strauss taps away for a single. 10th over: England 19-0 (Strauss 6, Cook 12) "I'd like to dispute your claim that 'You cannot calculate the intangibles'," pipes up Harry Tuttle. "As recently as 2009, researchers from the Cambridge Mathematics department published findings that strongly suggest one calculates the intangibles by adding four to any real number suspected of 'omitting intangible, or otherwise non-numerical, elements'. Of course, people

forget that some MCC purists argue that batting and bowling averages be expressed in complex numbers. That would really shift the terms of debate." Sadly enough my B in GCSE mathematics means that I'm so under-qualified in this area I can't even tell whether that's a joke. What I can tell you is that with Strauss on strike, Kumar has changed his angle of attack, sliding the ball across the bat towards the slips. Simply enough, the Indians plan is to try and get Cook LBW early in the innings, presumably thinking that his head falls over a touch towards the off, and to have Strauss caught in the slips as he loses his position outside off. 11th over: England 19-0 (Strauss 6, Cook 12) "Surprised England succeeded in not lose any wickets while I was in the shower," writes David Naylor. "I half expected to come back out and find them 7 for3 with Praveen having taken a hat-trick. Positive signs already! I've already learned much of following English cricket in the past two years of learning. Think negatively, and pray for rain, right?" You've learned much, young Padawan. As they say, a pessimist can never be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised. Sachin seems to have plenty of advice for the bowlers today. And it must have been good because with the very next ball... WICKET! Cook 12 lbw Zaheer (England 19-1) Well I just don't know what to make of that. Stop the clocks, Cook is out. For less than a hundred. It was a good ball from Zaheer, sliding in past the inside edge, hitting the pad with a resounding thump. Up went umpiren Rauf's finger. It was a good decision the ball was hitting the top of leg stump. 12th over: England 19-1 (Strauss 6, Trott 0) Billy Bowden is doing some very ostentatious foot-prodding on the wicket, seemingly suggesting that Praveen is following through too straight. This is interesting, after the uproar in the West Indies when Daryl Harper penalised Kumar for following through down the wicket. The furore that followed forced him into early retirement. It would be a strong move from Billy to do the same thing here. 13th over: England 20-1 (Strauss 6, Trott 0) Bumble points out that there have been seven maidens in 12 overs so far, which shows how watchful England have been. Trott goes about the lengthy process of marking his guard. "Strip Cook of the ODI captaincy!" shouts Mark Healey, who could have a fine career as TalkSport's cricket correspondent ahead of him if he so wished, "It's clearly impaired his judgement! He would never have been trapped lbw like that before he started playing for England in ODI's again!" 14th over: England 22-1 (Strauss 8, Trott 1) "Are England asleep at the wicket, merely snoozing or about to have a nightmare?" says Steven Fanning. "Losing Cook so early is a disastrous start." The opposition are allowed to play well, you know. Particularly in these conditions. But it was certainly a shock to see Cook fall given his form these last few months. Kumar swings another delivery past Strauss' outside edge, and the stands, grinning ruefully at the batsman. Strauss looks back, a cheekier sort of smile spreading across his face. "Too good for me," he seems to be saying, "but unluckily for you not good enough to get me out." 15th over: England 28-1 (Strauss 12, Trott 2) The first bowling change brings Ishant Sharma in to the attack, looking like he's just stepped out of the salon. A very different kind of challenge, this. His first two balls are short, and sharp. But his third is too straight, and Trott knocks it away for a single to long leg. Ishant switches around the wicket, and Strauss finally gets a delivery he can tuck in to. It's short and wide and he cuts it up and over gully and away for four. 16th over: England 30-1 (Strauss 12, Trott 4) The score creeps on, Trott turning two runs away to leg. "Sitting on the beach in Tunisia," gasps Mike Williams, who seems to be have turned a little delirious in the heat. "45 degrees in the shade. I've put the locals in the field on what looks like a turning sand strip. Intend to work the ball into the sea as often as possible. Will send sun your way when the waiter comes round again." That reminds me of that wonderful passage in Pickwick Papers: "'Warm! red hot scorching glowing. Played a match once single wicket friend the colonel Sir Thomas Blazo who should get the greatest number of runs. Won the toss first innings seven o'clock A.m. six natives to look out went in; kept in heat intense natives all fainted taken away fresh half-

dozen ordered fainted also Blazo bowling supported by two natives couldn't bowl me out fainted too cleared away the colonel wouldn't give in faithful attendant Quanko Samba last man left sun so hot, bat in blisters, ball scorched brown five hundred and seventy runs rather exhausted Quanko mustered up last remaining strength bowled me out had a bath, and went out to dinner.' 'And what became of what's-his-name, Sir?' inquired an old gentleman. 'Blazo?' 'No the other gentleman.' 'Quanko Samba?' 'Yes, sir.' 'Poor Quanko never recovered it bowled on, on my account bowled off, on his own died, sir.'" 17th over: England 35-1 (Strauss 13, Trott 8) from around the wicket, Ishant jags a shortish ball into Strauss' gut, tucking him up and doubling him over. This first hour has been a real battle for Strauss, who has 13 from 52 balls. The odd scratchy run to the leg side aside, he's been thinking only of staying in. He takes another such run now, and and Trott then pops up on his tiptoes and flicks four runs away to fine leg. Jeff Phillips, I can't help but feel you'd be better off sharing this kind of stuff with your brother himself rather than the tens of thousands of strangers on here: "The image of that Test Match board game has made me feel a bit guilty. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to my younger brother, whose birthday it is today, for never allowing him to play in any of the epic Test Match games that occurred in our house. Even when I had nobody else to play with I still wouldn't let him play, despite the fact that playing on your own was a rather unsatisfactory experience. Sorry, Jon and happy birthday - you may have to wait another 25 years before I apologise for the fact that I have not bought you a card or a present." 18th over: England 39-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 8) We're getting very familiar with Kumar's smile this morning. He breaks into another one after beating Strauss' outside edge yet again. Gautam Gambhir hobbles around the boundary rope and flings himself across the turf to try and intercept a cut shot from Strauss. He ends up palming it over the rope. He would have found that all much easier if he hadn't been wearing shin pads. That's the kind of small detail which will infuriate Duncan Fletcher. 19th over: England 41-1 (Strauss 18, Trott 9) The second bowling change of the day brings Harbhajan Singh into the attack. My word that's close. His very first ball snicks off the edge of Trott's bat and flies to Rahul Dravid at slip, he reaches down and gets his fingers to it, but no more, and the ball runs away for a single. Another chance gone begging for India then, with Trott missed at slip, and Strauss surviving a wayward throw when he could have been run out. Over the series these little inaccuracies in the field be the difference between the two sides. 19th over: England 42-1 (Strauss 19, Trott 9) Another single for Strauss, tucked off his hip. After watching Trott swing and miss at a wide ball, Sharma slips a delivery past his outside edge, then purses his lips in appreciation of the delivery. Trott holds his forward defensive pose and stares at the pitch. The next delivery comes back down the slope, moving a foot and more after pitching. 20th over: England 43-1 (Strauss 20, Trott 9) Harbhajan is bowling from around the wicket to Strauss, spearing the ball in towards middle stump. Strauss pushes a single out to long-on= and leaves Trott to face what should be the final ball of the session. Yes, the players are going off. What an absorbing session that was, a reminder, perhaps, that this series is going to be about much, much more than wickets and sixes. One thing is clear - India's fast bowling attack are going to be extremely potent in English conditions. I can't believe that it's taken the OBO two hours to hit the fish in the barrel: "Now that we've got the eagerly anticipated Strauss-Khan matchup in the middle," says Ant Pease. "What are other OBOers' favourite matches featuring players with the names of current or former heads of the IMF?"

On that note I'm going to step down for the afternoon session. Rob Smyth will be here shortly, so please send your emails to him at rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk. LUNCH Hello. We knew the ICC would do something special for the 2000th Test, but we didn't know they were going to build a time machine. That morning session was straight outta 1987, with the ball swinging round corners* and the batsmen needing to achieve a higher state of consciousness just to survive. India did not bowl quite as well as they should have done, bowling too many deliveries that could safely be left alone, yet it was still a serious mental challenge for England. They are fortunate to have a top three who secretly fantasise about having their discipline tested in conditions like these. Like true love, and Hold On by Wilson Phillips, Test cricket can stimulate the soul in so many different ways. The last time England hosted the best side in the world, in 2005, the series also began at Lord's on July 21. It opened with a flurry of haymakers; Australia were 87 for five at lunch, and 17 wickets fell on the first day. This was in total contrast, an unspoken battle of wills, yet it was almost as compelling. In many sports, the word 'absorbing' is a euphemism. Not in Test cricket. This is a seriously high level of sport, and both sides were respectful of that throughout a fine morning session. * The glee in Bumble's voice was lovely, like he'd seen an animal he thought was extinct: "Look at the swing!" Question Should a man in his thirties wear these trainers? I can't decide. My friend wants to know. He also wants to know whether these trainers are quite cool or utterly awful. He can't decide. I don't know why he keeps looking at the sale pages though. Maybe he doesn't get paid enough for his hard work and morale-boosting quips around the office. Good cause department One of my best friends recently completed the first of a series of runs in support of Sands, after the awful stillbirth of his son Ramzi last year. It's impossible to imagine something so devastating happening to anyone, never mind someone you've been close to for nearly 20 years. If you're feeling generous, his JustGiving page is here. 22nd over: England 50-1 (Strauss 21, Trott 15) A lucky escape for Trott in the first over after lunch. He waved his bat almost absent-mindedly at a wide, shortish delivery from Ishant Sharma, and the ball flew straight through the vacant third-slip area for four. "Congratulations to Lorraine Reese (Pre-game rambling: This is just cruel) for proving that investigative journalism is alive and well and not reliant on hacking," says Ian Copestake. "I hear you, Smyth, will be putting out a statement shortly in response to what the press are calling 'Swingergate'." I have no idea what this refers to, and I suspect it's best I keep it that way. But seriously folks - because sometimes the laughter has to stop - can we please do away with '-gate' culture. A) It sounds ridiculous and B) it leaves us with nowhere to go if Gareth Southgate does something naughty. 23rd over: England 55-1 (Strauss 21, Trott 15) Strauss chases a grotesquely wide delivery from Zaheer and swishes at nothing other than the freshest air. The next delivery jags down the leg side for four byes. The ground is fairly quiet, although the atmosphere is more expectant than subdued. There's a Before-theLord-Mayor's-Show feel to the match, the series, and indeed the rest of time. "Both pairs are horrendous (especially pair 1)," says Mark Healey (and a few others). "Pair 2 have the bonus that you can play dot to dot during a Cook and Trott blocking masterclass during some part of this series however so I would go for them." My friend says he'd love to see what travesties some of you are wearing on your feet right now. He needs new trainers, though. Come on, help him find some new trainers! 24th over: England 62-1 (Strauss 22, Trott 18) Another errant delivery, this time from Sharma, escapes the diving Dhoni for three byes. Trott then forces three behind backward point. Duncan Fletcher was furious with how England bowled on the first day against India at Headingley in 2002 India eventually

got 600 and he won't be entirely happy with India's performance in not dissimilar conditions today. I don't know whether India are undercooked or not, but they haven't been quite on their game. In other news, our esteemed, cricket-loving blog editor is probably waking up on the other side of the Atlantic. I'd just like to say: Morning Busfield! WICKET! England 62-2 (Strauss c Sharma b Zaheer 22) What a strange way for Andrew Strauss to go. After playing so carefully, he top-edges a hook straight to Ishant Sharma at fine leg. It was whipsmart bowling from Zaheer Khan because, as Mike Atherton points out on Sky, he got the bouncer high enough and wide enough that Strauss would not be able to control the shot. Still it was a soft dismissal, almost surreal. It's another dismissal by a left-arm seamer for Strauss, but not as we know it. 25th over: England 62-2 (Trott 18, Pietersen 0) Trott, pushing at a beautiful leg cutter, survives a huge shout for caught behind by Zaheer. Asad Rauf says not out and India decide not to refer. Quite right too, as it missed the edge. Incidentally, I would like to clarify that, just before that dismissal, I definitely did not type 'Strauss and Trott are perfect for this match situation. Strauss in particular is constructing his innings on a need-to-play basis'. "Looking at the sales pages is the sign of a shrewd online shopper, and certainly not someone who's willing to buy all the tat that people with taste found ridiculous," says Piers Barclay. "I mean, look at this beauty. Think of all the use you could get out of it!" Coincidentally, it's dress-up Friday in the Guardian offices on, er, Friday. Do ASOS do same-day delivery? 26th over: England 62-2 (Trott 18, Pietersen 0) Sharma angles a good one through the gate of Pietersen. A maiden. Everyone is still digesting the Strauss dismissal. On the subject of which, this is a great point from Pranay Sanklecha. "That Strauss dismissal has got Fletcher written all over it. I bloody love Duncan Fletcher. You speak (presumably) to cricketers, coaches, journalists is there anyone who's got more technical knowledge, about batting in particular, than him?" Of course I don't. I'm an office-bound clown. But most evidence suggests there has never been a smarter or more original analyst of batting than Fletcher. The word should never be used lightly, but he is palpably a genius. As for Strauss, didn't the Aussies do him like that at Brisbane in 2006-07 as well? 27th over: England 64-2 (Trott 18, Pietersen 0) How weird it must be for England's batsmen to be up against Duncan Fletcher. It's like coming up against your evil twin, who knows all your weaknesses. Mind you, as Mike Atherton says on Sky, you can't just rely on your coach's plans if you are a bowler, and Zaheer is probably the brainiest fast bowler in the game. Fletcher will love working with him. Zaheer switches around the wicket to Trott, and it's another quiet over. "I also feel that the -gate suffix has run its course," says Mark Francome. "For me it hit rock bottom with "Toiletgate" at the World Chess Championship in 2006, but the fictional "Notting Hill Gate-gate" deserves an honourable mention." 28th over: England 64-2 (Trott 18, Pietersen 0) Those of you modern, auto-refresh types should still press F5 every now and then. When there's a wicket we type the basic detail, publish it and then go back to describe the wicket, but the auto-refresh tool often doesn't pick up the full description unless you press F5. Anyway, Pietersen is feeling his way into the innings, playing as little as possible, and it's a maiden from the slightly wayward Sharma. "I don't know anything about cricket, BUT I do know that my friend will be very upset if you publish this in the OBO," says Katie Cannon, who meets our requirements with regard to cricket expertise. "He's been trying to get something published in the OBO for five years, with only one solitary success (which wasn't about cricket either, I might add, just to rub it in). Dear Mr. Smyth, please could you mention me? I'll send you a cake." 29th over: England 64-2 (Trott 18, Pietersen 0) Trott and Pietersen almost added another bit of 20thcentury action England playing silly buggers over a quick single to this retro Test. Trott drove Zaheer to mid off and ran halfway down the wicket before being sent back, although I think he would just have been home had the throw hit the stumps. A maiden from Zaheer, who then jogs off the field. Trott has 18 from 42 balls, Pietersen from 0 from 13 balls. The match is poised as precariously as Simon Adebisi's hat.

30th over: England 70-2 (Trott 23, Pietersen 1) Pietersen flicks the returning Kumar for a single to get off the mark from his 14th delivery. Then Trott times a pleasant boundary off the pads through square leg. I'm having a bit of a shocker today, with all manner of typos. M'apologies. "I like the way the sleeveless plunge hoodie is 'unconditional'," says Dan Smith. "Just like parental love. Why not team it with the drop crotch trouser?" The phrase 'it'd be rude not to' was invented for precisely this question. 31st over: England 76-2 (Trott 28, Pietersen 2) Praveen Kumar replaces Zaheer Khan, who has figures of 11-7-9-2. Bowling figures like that, with more than 50 per cent of maidens, an economy rate below 1.00 and at least one wicket, make me ludicrously happy. They are like opening a memory box. Kumar's figures take a dent when Trott waves a cut through the cover for four. Dhoni's response is to put an off-side sweeper out. Nasser Hussain then uses the phrase "front dog" to describe Pietersen's huge stride to Kumar. This, I fear, will have made our very, very, very sad friends at Cricinfo very happy. "OMG what a picture you'd look in that get up," says Diesel model Alex Warwick. "However, a word of warning. The lads rounds Leeds seem to struggle to get up stairs with the drop crotch trouser look. They seem to waddle like a penguin." 32nd over: England 76-2 (Trott 28, Pietersen 2) Sharma has a big shout for LBW against Pietersen, but he was on the front foot and surely outside the line. There would have been no point India reviewing that even if they could. Pietersen inside edges the next ball onto the pad and up in the air; it would have been a simple catch for short leg, but India's field is on the conservative side. That was a challenging maiden from Sharma, who is angling everything down the slope to the right-handers. "I recently had a dilemma similar to your friend's shoe decision, as I bought a candelabra for my bedroom," says Ian Copestake. "I asked my ex about whether it was cool or utter poo, but I felt her response merely confirmed that it was good we were no longer together. What do you think?" I'll tell you at one second past 9pm. 33rd over: England 81-2 (Trott 29, Pietersen 6) Pietersen edges Kumar low through the slips for four. Dhoni is now standing up to Kumar who, as Bull points out, is just bowling gentle outswingers. He's not even bowling at 80mph. It all looks pretty innocuous, but he has the habit of picking up wickets. He even went through Australia like a dose of Sainsbury's own brand Effervescent Health Salts in a one-day final at Brisbane a few years ago. Thanks for all the trainer suggestions, by the way; I'll forward them to my mate. "What if it turned out Nixon wasn't a crook all along and it was an elaborate hoax?" says Tom Wells. "Would that become Watergategate?" What's Paul Nixon got to do wit- sorry. But as we'vee shoehorned Paul Nixon into the conversation just so we can link to this old clip, it'd be rude not to link to this old clip. 34th over: England 83-2 (Trott 30, Pietersen 7) Pietersen pulls Shasrma off the front foot for a single, the only incident in another quiet over. Each side is waiting for the other to blink. "Long time reader, first time emailer etc," says Steffan John. "Regarding Piers Barclay's ASOS livery (25th over), my girlfriend bought me some clothes from there and I had to explain my lack of enthusiasm. I showed her the 'Being a Dickhead's Cool' clip, and no further explanation was necessary. It's just not the OBOer look is it..." Which invites the slightly worrying question: what is the OBOer look? Say what? 35th over: England 90-2 (Trott 30, Pietersen 14) Pietersen, trying to whip Kumar to leg on the walk, gets a leading edge just short of Tendulkar in the gully, with the ball scooting away for four. "Has somebody thought about how identical these two teams are?" says Anand. "Two left-handed openers; #3s who graft and grind the opposition; superstar No4s; #5 two most elegant players to watch; #6 two lefties who are very good limited-overs players and trying to make it into the Test arena. Don't know what is similar between Prior and MSD except they are keepers. In the bowling: one top swing bowler each, one tall hit the deck bowler, one offie each! Is it why this is being built up so much? Each team is actually playing against itself!" And they both have the same coach. I haven't been this excited since Robocop came up against Ed209. 36th over: England 91-2 (Trott 30, Pietersen 15) Trott is beaten, fiddling at a wide one from Sharma. Have you voted in our Greatest Test poll yet? I'm still miffed about the exclusion of Trent Bridge 1993, the world famous you-really-can't-win-anything-with-kids Test. "Important news from here," says Mike Selvey. "Hoppsy has announced his retirement from playing cricket because 'I'm 53 and I want to get on

with my life'. He has retired before of course but this one sounds terminal." Can Hoppsy write a 700-word tribute to himself for tomorrow's paper? 37th over: England 92-2 (Trott 30, Pietersen 16) This is interesting stuff from India, who are trying to bore Trott and Pietersen out with a bit of off-theory. Pietersen leans into an expansive flap-drive. He connects well, rifling it all along the floor to extra cover, but that's a dangerous shot when the ball is swinging and Kumar puts his hands to his head. "A massive thanks to the incredibly generous people who have donated," says Adam Walkden. "And in answer to your question, your friend should avoid those truly awful trainers..." You're the friend I was asking for, Adam. You can't keep wearing those orange Golas forever. 38th over: England 92-2 (Trott 30, Pietersen 16) Zaheer is back. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he has figures of 11-7-9-2. He goes straight around the wicket to Pietersen, who misses a flail at an obscenely wide delivery. Pietersen shakes his head in frustration, and Zaheer gives him a knowing look that says, 'That's what I'm talkin' 'bout'. Man he is a class act. Few cricketers can switch it on and off like a tap. Zaheer is one of them. Apparently he was dismal against Somerset at the weekend; today he has been extremely good. A maiden, and a high-class one. "Hello there," says Suzanne Hall. "Re: 32nd over, Copestake's candelabra horror. Oh, Ian. I haven't been able to say that in ages. It is bringing back all sorts of awful memories. None as bad as that lampshade mind." Yep, let's hope that's the last time the phrase 'Oh, Ian' appears on an OBO this summer. 39th over: England 95-2 (Trott 32, Pietersen 17) Interestingly, Strauss fell to Zaheer in identical circumstances during the 2007 tour, a point made by Aditya Anchuri on email and Nasser Hussain on Sky. He might have the chance to chat it over with Pietersen pretty soon, because KP is starting to look a bit iffy. He tries to work Kumar to leg and is beaten by some seductive outswing. Trott looks more secure, and is scoring at a faster rate: 32 off 60 as against Pietersen's 17 from 55. "I feel like being a pedant," says Lord Selvey. "So re: over 32, you can't have a candelabra, it is candelabrum. Just as you cannot have a panini, although try telling that the people in Pret a Manger." 40th over: England 100-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 17) That should have been the third wicket. It was a stunning delivery from Zaheer, angling in from around the wicket and then nipping away to take the edge as Trott pushed defensively. The ball flew into the corridor of uncertainty between the keeper Dhoni and Dravid at first slip. Dhoni shaped to go and then left it, and the ball swung and dipped under Dravid, who reacted a little slowly. I reckon that's Dhoni's catch. Either way, it was a glorious piece of bowling from Zhaeer, who screamed in frustration as the ball raced away for four. "I can't comment on whether being a 'dickhead is cool'," says Alex Miles, "but I am certain my fellow readers in the British Library think I am the former after my efforts to mute that clip resulted in my phone being hurled across the room in a panicked response." 41st over: England 103-2 (Trott 40, Pietersen 17) Harbhajan replaces Kumar, and Trott whips him square for a couple and then a single. This is such an interesting struggle. A few of you have asked what a par score is. I don't think there is one, because a lot will be dependent on the overhead conditions. At this stage, however, I reckon England would say a jaunty 'Hello sailor!' to anything over 350. "Planning a 70,000-word tribute when the book comes out," says David Hopps. "Working title: 'Fuck off Wordsworth'." At first I misread that as Wandsworth. Quite why I thought that was worth sharing I don't know. 42nd over: England 107-2 (Trott 44, Pietersen 17) That's a smart shot from Trott, who helps Zaheer's short ball round the corner for four. And now Zaheer is going off injured. This is a major problem for India. He has done something to his right hamstring. He felt it straight away, and left the field without trying to bowl another delivery. He gets a generous ovation; rightly so, because he bowled superbly for figures of 13.3-8-18-2. Crikey. It looked more like a strain than a pull; even so, that could be a huge moment not just in the match but the whole series, because the four Tests are squeezed into a five-week period. "So Lord Selvey, over 39, why do you have an alibi not an alibum?" says Sally Crooke.

43rd over: England 115-2 (Trott 49, Pietersen 20) Trott drives Harbhajan expertly through the covers for four to bring up a fifty partnership that he has dominated. Pietersen then dumps Harbhajan over mid on for a couple. It might just be safe for England's batsmen to come out from behind the sofa now that Zaheer is off the field. We don't know the extent of the injury yet, and it might only be a strain, but that could be as vital as Glenn McGrath treading on a cricket ball in 2005. 44th over: England 115-2 (Trott 49, Pietersen 20) I was miles away in that over. Sorry. Not much happened. Kumar bowls, Trott defended. 45th over: England 117-2 (Trott 50, Pietersen 21) Trott reaches his fifty with a single off Harbhajan. It's been an admirable effort, from 89 balls and with seven fours. He's had two big moments of fortune but, once again, he has shown formidable mental strength. "DON'T WEAR WHITE TRAINERS WITH BLACK SOCKS," shouts my helpful colleague Josy Forsdike. "DON'T WEAR BLACK ONES WITH WHITE SOCKS." With the exception of Francis Begbie and that bloke who nicked the Supernaturals' singer's girlfriend, does anyone actually wear white socks? 46th over: England 121-2 (Trott 54, Pietersen 21) There's a bit of chat between the non-striker Pietersen and Kumar, KP v PK. And that is a brilliant stroke from Trott, a wonderfully timed push through midwicket for four that races down the hill like an urchin pickpocket into the crowd. It's getting a bit dark, so the artificial lights are being switched on. They should take effect some time in 2013. "Geoffrey has just announced on TMS that he 'likes that Katie Perry'," Says Edward Barlow. "Not a pleasant thought, but it reminds me of a very funny Boycott story Michael Vaughan told at the Spin event at The Warrington last night. Apparently Boycott has a house by the eighth hole of a smart South African golf course. Vaughan was going to play a round there and when he checked in at the club house was warned to look out for Geoffrey, who would most likely be wearing a particular black t-shirt. When Vaughan's group arrived at the eighth there was Geoffrey on his balcony. He was indeed wearing a black T-shirt, but it was only when he'd played the hole and walked over to say hello that Vaughan could make out what was on it. Namely a picture of Sir Geoff himself, playing the cover drive, with the word LEGEND emblazoned in big gold letters underneath..." Imagine Katy Perry and Geoffrey, going steady; her turning up on the red carpet wearing Geoffrey's Nan's pinny. She picked the wrong English maverick. 47th over: England 121-2 (Trott 54, Pietersen 21) Just when I was looking forward to tea, and a trip to the overgrown boys' room, I realise this session goes onto 4.10pm. Bah! Anyway, that was a maiden from Harbhajan to Pietersen. "Pietersen messing with Praveen Kumar?" sniffs Tarun Baloch. "Does he know Kumar is a wrestler. No one messes with PK." He used a slightly stronger word than 'messes'. As in 'Nobody messes with the Jesus'. 48th over: England 123-2 (Trott 56, Pietersen 21) You'll do well to bore Trott out. Kumar is trying, however, working a channel outside off stump. Trott forces a couple past point. Before this turns into the quiz-show segment of Magnolia, Bull is going to stand in for an over. "My old PE teacher used to insist that we all wore white socks in PE/Games," says Chis Moores. "He shouted 'White socks or no socks' at us repeatedly. It was his catch phrase (along with hollering 'BOYS!'). When I sort of play sport today, as a grown man, I have a strange urge to wear white socks even though they get muddier than darker colours. I recall Ruud Gullit insisting his teams to play in white socks, but our PE teacher, being a specialist in hammer throwing, was no Ruud Gullit." 49th over: England 125-2 (Trott 57, Pietersen 22) Bhajji continues then, settling in to what could be a long spell while Zaheer is off the field. Pietersen strides out to play an audacious sweep, fetching the ball from outside off and flicking around for a single to fine leg. There's an apocolyptic sort of feel around the ground at the moment, the skies are closing in and a few weather warnings have been issued. The MRF blimp is being reeled in, and Elizabeth Connor tells us that "it's raining cats and dogs in Harrow and that St John's Wood is probably next." Bah. "Also thanks for the image of Katy Perry and Geoff Boycott that's something that will be burned into my retina's for far too long but it has distracted me from the residual guilt I felt over drinking the last of the coffee." My pleasure.

49.2 overs: England 127-2 (Trott 58, Pietersen 22). RAIN STOPS PLAY Kumar does indeed come from a family of wrestlers. Perhaps there will be a new entry in the scorebook at some stage this summer 'Pietersen DDT b Kumar'. Anyway, Sharma has replaced Kumar, and he beats Pietersen with a masterful delivery that angles in and then seams away. Pietersen looks to the heavens, and it is extremely dark now. England will want to get off the field as soon as possible, whether it's for tea, rain or because Billy Bowden wants to watch that cool dude on Countdown on Channel 4+1. In fact they are going off now. There's a bit of drizzle, and they decide to get the covers on before it gets heavier. That means an early tea, and you suspect England will be the happier side. Partly with the score (they could easily be four or five down) and partly because the masterful Zaheer Khan is off the field with a hamstring injury. Andy Bull will be back for the evening session. Thanks for your emails, and especially for all your donations to Sands. Night. TEA And they call this summer. It is lashing down outside. A hard, hard rain has come, the drops rattling against the window panes and rebounding up knee-high off the tarmac. It could be a little while before we start again. There are a very few consolations. One of them is that my wife is going to be spending this weekend at camping out at a music festival. I'm not. I don't want to come over all Boycott on you but I've just popped downstairs to get a cuppa from the cafe. How much do you think it could possibly have cost me?t Steve Waugh is on, explaining why he thinks players should start volunteering to do polygraph tests. Waugh is a smart man, and his heart is in the right place, but this is a pretty damn futile idea. Not least because it's difficult to imagine any of the bent players putting themselves forward to do a lie-detector test. And that's before you get on to the woeful inaccuracies of the process itself. "Cost of a cuppa?" writes Angus Doulton. "That's easy. Not as much as it would have cost you at Lord's." I'm not sure about that. It was 1.80p. For a teabag and some hot water. I had to put the milk in myself. 1.80p. It's a scandal. Speaking of scandals, here's Gary Naylor: "Outrageous! Shouldn't be allowed!" he thunders. "I'm speechless!! At Number 11! Book him for speeding on the M1!" "Didn't notice the change-over there and am too busy recovering from the idea that Smyth has a wife to think about your tea costs," gasps Louise Wright. That's a little unfair. Smyth has a wife. If you can describe a VHS player and a collection of tapes of the highlights of Martin McCague's Test career as a 'wife'. "Can't you signpost the handover a bit more vigorously? Block caps and a flashing font or something?" Pinch me. This is absolutely brilliant. Asked live on air what the Australians are doing to improve their cricket, Waugh turned to the camera and said "we've been looking a lot at the English system at the moment, I think you are really leading the way over here and there's a lot of thing you are doing that we are looking to implement." No really. Steve Waugh is saying that Australia needs to learn from the English system. That feels like as much of a victory as winning the Ashes. There's a frost on Satan's beard. Well, I think we're going to be stuck like this for the foreseeable. "Any news on the rain stopping?" I'm afraid not Iain McDiarmid. Sky are now showing highlights of the day so far. "Had arrange to meet the wife after 'finishing late' and now will have to stay at work. The inhumanity. The cruelty." That'll teach you to play games with what Alastair Cook calls the "cricketing Gods". Here's Matt Burleigh, I was about to call him an expert scientist, and seeing as he is Dr in a department of Physics and Astronomy, I guess that's true. What he knows about polygraphs however, I'm not so sure. Still: "Polygraphs/ lie detectors are pseudo-science. Their supporters claims are grossly exaggerated and the tests they point to are of dubious value and quality. Almost no European or Australian jurisdiction allows

them as evidence in court. Someone has to dissuade Mr Waugh from this misguided campaign." As I say, Waugh's heart is in the right place. Though it my surprise some English fans to learn that he has a heart at all. But it is a crackpot plan. I'll do the boom for this email from Alex Stenhouse. Someone else can add the tish. "So the Australians are thinking of pilfering the best young South African players as well?" "Even in America" chirrups Tim Read, "that bastion of pseudo-science craziness, lie-detectors have been inadmissible in court since, ooh, about the 1930's. It fails to reach even the minimum standard of agreed scientific value and so all of those scenes on TV and in films where they hook someone up are complete baloney (or ham?) and are only used to psychologically intimidate people into making confessions." Yeah, as Barney Ronay has just said, you kind of suspect that Waugh is a little bit mad. If the ICC just made any potential miscreants sit in silence in a locked room with him for half an hour I'm sure the trouble would soon be over. Or if that's not feasible they could just put a poster of his piercing eyes up in all the dressing rooms, with the slogan 'Steve Waugh knows where you live' underneath. "The lie detector stuff truly is bonkers," agrees Gary Naylor. "Not least because sports stars' stock-intrade is the ability to trump knowledge with self-belief. Steve Waugh did attribute mythical powers to a Linus van Peltish red hanky though, so perhaps he's not exactly on top of current scientific thought." Gary. Steve Waugh knows where you live. And now you're on his list. Anyone else got anything to say about Waugh? Thought not. "Hold on... Iain McDiarmid?" says Richard Graveling, doing a comedy double-take as he types. "AKA Seantor Palpatine / The Emperor from Star Wars? What the hell's he doing reading OBO? I thought he was hurled off a gantry into a dubious early 80s CGI endless pit on the Death Star, then exploding into a hurricane of green Force-like energy, not spending his time thinking of excuses not to meet his wife after work?" Yeah. It could be that Iain McDiarmid. Or it could be the other Iain McDiarmid. You know, the one who is "old friends" with Thomas Chivers, and "who will be shouting a lot during our game of football later". Not quite so exciting now is it. Still, as Chivers says: "could you congratulate him on his nuptials from me? Though I fear his fiance Annie may be a bit distressed to learn about them when he gets home." I think Tom Watson has it right: this must be what Waugh has in mind when he talks a out a lie-detecting machine. "Steve Waugh is one of my favourite players ever," says David Hughes, who sounds like a kindred spirit of mine. "This is why: After putting on 464 with his brother for NSW against WA in 1990, skipper Geoff Lawson declared at 601-4. Lawson said: "Mark [229 not out] came in all smiles; Steve [216 not out] was not happy. He was changing next to me in the dressing room and he started complaining, 'What did you do that for? What do we play for?' I was a bit taken aback, I can tell you, and I said, "Well, we do have 600.' Steve said, 'We could have got 1,000'." The rain has stopped, so they say, and there will be an inspection at 5.30pm. Hallelujah. This is a prime example of how irritating a sport cricket can be to follow. If the rain has stopped, what do we have to wait ten minutes for the umpires to come out and make an inspection? Why don't they do it now? Steven Fanning sent me this email an hour or so ago: "Now, call me selfish if you will, but as much as I wish to see some cricket, I also wish the rain to stay in St John's Wood rather than heading west to Kensington. You see, I have a hole in my shoe, and am not sure I want to see cricket as much as I don't want to get trench foot walking home. This is a moral, sporting dilemma." He's just sent me an update: "This hasn't worked out well. I am about to leave work, so won't see any cricket for an hour, and the rain is now in Kensington, so I will get trench foot. Still, resolves the dilemma." Ah, the glories of London in the summertime, ankle-deep puddles, torrential rain, trench foot, being splashed by cabs and buses and sworn at by cyclists, getting poked in the eye over and again by all the umbrella prongs, jostling for position

underneath the shelter of the bus stop waiting for a bus that isn't even going to open the doors and let you on because it's already full, standing, steaming, sweating on the Tube platform. It's just like Lily Allen made it sound. The umpires are having a discussion in the middle, along with Lord's head groundsman Mick Hunt. There's still an hour and a half to go, so if they think they can get the ground dry in time we could still have a little play. The next inspection will be at 6pm. In the meantime Sky are showing highlights of the ODI final between these two sides from 2002. At this precise moment Ronnie Irani is bowling to Virender Sehwag. As Smyth says, this is a fine example of the Peter Principle at work in cricket. That said, he's just had Rahul Dravid caught by Nick Knight for five. That just shouldn't be allowed to happen. It's those kinds of incidents that really make you question the existence of a just (cricketing) God. My word check out the ambient soundtrack on Irani's website. Sadly there are no details on there about exactly how much it would cost to hire him for the day. You'd be amazed, absolutely amazed by how many readers have sent me this clip. I had no idea that the Venn diagram of cricket fans and The Wire fans contained such a cross-over. Word is that play is going to start again at 6.30pm and go on till 7.30pm. I can tell you that there will be a lot of happy, happy journalists in the press box right now. They're always very keen to stay on late at the ground as the deadlines for the first editions grow closer and closer. Still, credit to the authorities for trying to give the spectators their money's worth. It's going to be a thankless session for England. They have little to gain from it, but a lot to lose.A wicket or two will tilt today's play back India's way, whereas the batsmen are not going to add much to the total in such a short period of time. "Having been following absent mindedly for a while," no, not me but Eamonn Maloney. "Though I have been doing that, I thought Ronnie Irani was the segue for the clip from The Wire, and spent some time imagining him forging a second career as a grizzled detective in the Baltimore police department, forever confounding his colleagues with idiomatic cricket-speak, eg "Looks like we've got these dealers caught behind with the outswinger chief". I don't think that's the kind of idiom Irani talks in. There'd be more slang and swearwords. Saddle up ladies and gents, play is about to start again. There are 13.4 overs left in the day. No, no, cancel that. The rain has started again. So the players came out, turned around and went back in again. That's it. Play is off for the day. So that's that. What a strange way to end a compelling day. If India had fielded a little better, this would have been their day. I'll be back here tomorrow, when we should have more news on Zaheer Khan's fitness. If he's out, England are on top. Thanks for all your emails. For now, cheerio.

First Test, day two

England v India - day two as it happened

Kevin Pietersen scored a brilliant double century as England took control of the Test of the Test

Andy Bull (morning and evening) and Alan Gardner (afternoon) Friday 22 July 2011 10.23 BST

Morning everyone. That was a slow start to the series. It felt a little like one of those moments when you're forced to slow down and appreciate the quality of the wrapping paper rather as you tear it off to see your present. It was a slow reveal, in which we learned that India's attack is rather better suited to English conditions than we may have imagined, and that - and there's no doubt that Duncan Fletcher has had a hand in this - their plans to the each of the English batsmen are immaculately thought out. The flip side was that their fielding was woeful. Either they are still warming up, or they're a bunch of old crocks. And now they're worrying about Zaheer Khan's fitness as well. There were rumours last night that it was just a bad case of cramp, but if it's anything worse than that England are never going to have a better opportunity to win a match in this series than they will over the next four days. So what did everyone else make of it? Lord 'Mike' Selvey reckoned that "England enjoyed the better of the first day", while Vic Marks sums up Praveen Kumar like this: "Kumar's shirt was hanging out like a man who had sharpened his skills in the Lancashire League, perhaps at Colne, where he might bowl at one end throughout the entire innings. Kumar trundled in on his gentle, energy-saving run-up and swung the ball cleverly in both directions at around 80mph. It might have been Abid Ali, Madan Lal or Roger Binny in years gone by." While I'm doing links, sit up and pay attention to this one. The Wisden Almanack, now under the editorship of our esteemed old mucker Lawrence Booth, has just launched a new quarterly magazine. The first issue is all about India v England and features articles from our own Mike Selvey and Barney Ronay. You can download it here, and you'll be doing a good thing for the cause of quality sportswriting if you do. You may have noticed that the sun is peaking out from behind the clouds and the sky is mottled blue and white. It looks a beautiful day to bat and I, for one, am expecting to fall ever-so-slightly more in love with Jonathan Trott over the course of the next seven hours. My man-crush on Trott has taken a while to brew up. For a long time, in fact, I couldn't stand him. Not because he was a boring batsman to watch, but because he was so inelegant. The comparison people made with Alastair Cook and Rahul Dravid always seemed invalid to me. Cook and Dravid are capable of playing beautiful shots. In fact Dravid's forward defensive can be a thing of wonder and perfection. But Trott is a shuffling, creaking nudger of a batsman, without a single stroke worthy of the name. But over recent weeks I've warmed to him. And now, when I think about the prospect of how, in the next few weeks, he could single-handedly infuriate a nation of a billion people. Well that brings a smile to my face. He may be a bastard. But he's our bastard. And his average in four Tests at Lord's? a mere 141. The word is that Zaheer is not going to be bowling today. Try to keep the smile off your face, all you England fans. "ZK or no ZK, it looks a lovely day to bat," chirrups a chirpy Gary Naylor. "Did MS Dhoni get it right at the toss yesterday? England's previous first innings scores at Lord's read 335/7dec, 486, 446, 505, 425, 377, 593/8dec. Giving the strongest England top seven I can recall first go, seems a tad optimistic." Ah, but in those conditions he would have been damned if he had done anything else. Yorkies Bah. "Top of the morning to you," says Damien Sefton. "What is your early opinion on Broad over Bresnan? I for one support decision. A neat 19 at the end of the first innings and 2 for 18 really turned things around." My, my, my my good mood must be infectious. Or is it just that the sun is out and it's Friday? Either way, here's Luciano Howard: "Agree totally on Jon Trott When he first arrived at the back-end of (one of our many recent) glorious Ashes victories he did not look anything special." [really? how hard to impress are you?] "Wrong. He's immensely special, just not spectacular. I trust in this line-up each and every time they bat now. With Cookie & Trott I am confident we'll always get a score. The other bats may be easier on the

eye (Bell), more bombastic (KP), but Cookie, and more so Trott, are the names I expect to see each and every time I check the scoreboard. Trott is the man who glues together this batting line-up nowadays, I think. Without him (Cook being an opener and therefore often likely to fall early) we would fail more often. Its the nature of the beast." My mind really changed about Trott during the world cup in India, when he took a stupid amount of flack because he wasn't hitting any sixes, even though he kept scoring run-a-ball fifties. Then, one night in Chennai, the British Deputy High Commissioner held a party for the Queen's birthday. They had to get permission to hold it early, because the weather gets so unfeasibly sticky as the summer wears on. They invited all the press and all the players. No surprise the hacks were out in force, tucking in to the Pimms and pies that were, bizarrely, laid on as part of the buffet. But Trott was the only player who turned up. On his own. The man has an open mind and good manners. And his reward was that he got to see a long speech from a tipsy Graham Gooch - who, to this day, is by far and away the most popular English cricketer in India - who got to make a request for a song from the Beatles cover band who were providing the entertainment. Inspired by England's recent success against the West Indies in the final group match, Gooch picked Imagine. 50th over: England 127-2 (Trott 58, Pietersen 22) "Let's play!" says Billy Bowden, and Ishant Sharma, lustrous lock blowing in the breeze, runs in and delivers the first ball of the day. It's wide outside off-stump, and Pietersen walks across to meet it. It hits him on the pads and Sharma clears his throat with an early LBW appeal. Billy curls his lip and shakes his head. It was well outside the line. The next two balls are similar, if a little straighter. The news is that Zaheer will not bowl today, but India are saying nothing about his chances in the match beyond that. "Are other readers as intrigued as I am by the prospect of a Timeless Test in the proposed 2013 World Test cup final?" asks Don Wilson, seemingly oblivious to the fact I wrote 1,000 words on this very topic earlier in the week. "I've heard all the stories about the 1939 match in Durban and must admit that I've always wanted to witness one for myself. If it were to go for 9 or 10 days that would be some marathon OBO." 51st over: England 131-2 (Trott 62, Pietersen 22) The first runs of the day are driven through extra cover. They came from Kumar's third ball, a gentle away-swinger which Trott biffed for four. "Come the end of a nuclear winter, Trott will still be there, batting," says Gary Weightman. Indeed he will, with only the cockroaches for company. Just imagine what he and Cook could do in a timeless Test. "Now that you lot are talking up Trott and the man-love you've all got for him, what are the odds on Ishant Sharma getting him to out first ball?" says Arvind Ramanan, two minutes too late. "Do you English ever take the jinx effect seriously?" 52nd over: England 132-2 (Trott 62, Pietersen 23) Pietersen whips a single away square. Sharma bowls from very wide on the crease, angling the ball in at the right-hander. He's not as fast as I imagined he would be, nor as I'm sure he used to be back in the days when he was giving Ricky Ponting the hurry-up. But the bounce he gets means that on the right pitch he could be a real handful. But I'm not sure this surface suits him all that much. "I appreciate that you boys are having a Trott love-in but the optimism here is medium to low (presumably because Bristol is freezing without any sign of the Lord's sunshine)," harrumphs Lori McConnachie. "And I am sure you're going to JINX it. Please be careful with your admiration." 53rd over: England 135-2 (Trott 62, Pietersen 26) Tom Stobbs is a man of rare and delicate sensibility. "With aestheticism I'm not sure Cook is that pleasing. I don't thick anyone could describe Cook's stroke play generally and his play through the covers as a thing of beauty. And his little front foot tip toe movement and high back lift are rather unsettling. They bothers me in the same way that Simon Katich's helmet grill being too big bothers me." Ah, but his shots off his hips, as Andy Flower once said, are as good as anyone's. Pietersen takes three from the final ball of Kumar's over. 54th over: England 141-2 (Trott 63, Pietersen 31) Pietersen is starting to purr. He steps right across the stumps and slots an on-drive through long-on for four. He's looking in ominously good touch, but as Bumble says "don't get too giddy." KP flicks the next delivery away square for a single, and Trott then pops up on his toes and smears a pull to long leg. "I attempted this joke yesterday," says Dan Milner, who gets

extra points for persistence, "and I'll try again now, no matter how flimsy the link to the link. Surely a Beatles cover band at a cricketing party in India should have played 'Ishant Sharma's gonna get you'?" 55th over: England 147-2 (Trott 63, Pietersen 37) Kumar pushes through a straight ball outside off. Never mind KP, now I'm purring. That was a wonderful shot, an on-drive so smooth that it could should have been served with lemon and honey. It whistles away down the ground for four, moving just fast enough to elude the fielder, but not so fast as to disturb the boundary rope much. Later in the over he plays a crisp pull, cracking the way away to square leg for a single. "I'm fascinated by the idea of a timeless Test happening in my lifetime;" agrees Jamie Tucker. "As you say, we might get to find out just how long Trott and Cook can bat for. In the end, though, I'm sure there's a number of good reasons they don't exist anymore. I suspect it'll end up like getting that extra pack of cheap lager because it's on offer: it'll probably be more than we need, and bad for us, but we're never going to say no, are we?" 56th over: England 147-2 (Trott 63, Pietersen 37) John McKay tells it like it is: "It's a shame for all watchers that Zaheer isn't fit to bowl but he and the Indians have only themselves to blame. He is clearly out of shape and too fat to bowl in a test match at the moment. Duncan Fletcher needs to get to work on the conditioning of his players." Mmm-hmm. When I saw him yesterday I have to say that the first two words that came to mind were "James" and "Ormond", who was something of a chubby magician himself. Sharma spears a delivery down the leg side. KP is moving so far across to play this stuff that he could almost be bowled behind his pads. In fact he makes a mess of the final ball, stepping across and trying to swing it through leg, but squirting it away to the off off the back the bat. He's hell bent on swatting everything Sharma bowls at him to the leg side. It is OK to play a cover drive every now and again, Kevin. Try it. You might like it. 57th over: England 147-2 (Trott 63, Pietersen 39) A maiden from Kumar, and in the meantime here's a worthy but witty email from Nick Smith. Stick with it, it's in a good cause: "I'm hoping to hitch myself onto two recurrent OBO riffs: the long standing, suffering contributor, valiantly attempting to gain fleeting recognition amidst an exclusive strata of society; and the bod on the scrounge for charitable purposes. I have unquestionably occupied the first category, and am now straddling the two, with the chance to get my name up in lights (as a neighbour said recently) a potential motivating factor. Hmm. That sounds a little mercenary doesn't it? In any case, I am attempting to raise money for a charity called Prostate Action. It, unsurprisingly, specialises in that little gland most notable for being associated with massages. Whilst prostate cancer is obviously the headline issue (it accounts for a quarter of all cancer cases in men and roughly kills a man every hour) the charity also raises funds for research and education into two other diseases, namely prostatis and benign prostatic hyperplasia (BHP). As I was heading off for a walk in India on Sunday, and as two of my relatives have suffered from prostate cancer, I thought it would be a good idea to try and raise some money. Hence my appeal to the generosity of the OBO readers. The walk is in northwestern India, and will hopefully conclude with me stumbling up to the summit of Lungser Kangri, a 6,666m mountain (Mount Kilimanjaro with a portion of Scafell Pike for good measure). So, to summarise, I would be most grateful if you were to publicise this to audience on a subject close to their, or their loved ones, hearts (well, groin to be accurate, but sort of similar). Any contributions whatsoever would be greatly appreciated, and guaranteed to be used well, as I've known the Treasurer for the last 25 years or so. The webpage is www.justgiving.com/prostated-nick, or there's also the donate by text thing: RALK69 and a figure to 70070. 58th over: England 151-2 (Trott 66, Pietersen 39) Sharma's pitch map shows that he has bowled a single delivery that pitched in line with the stumps. Everything is outside off. Nass and Athers are suggesting that he's been discombobulated by the slope. Trott taps the sixth ball away square for two. "At the risk of going down a dangerous route of bad puns," writes Keith Allman. "Instant Karma isn't even a Beatles song. Surely the aforementioned Indian band are more likely to cover the classic Revolver opening song, Laxman." 59th over: England 156-2 (Trott 68, Pietersen 41) Harbhajan is on now, and the batsmen work him around for a four singles. Then Trott leans forward in a half-hearted defensive shot, bat tucked behind pad. The ball turned enough to hit just below knee roll, and both Bhajji and Dhoni appeal. Hawkeye shows that

the ball was going well over the top of the stumps. "A solution for timeless Tests..." comes from Keith Regan. "The batting team only gets to continue if their run-rate stays above a certain threshold. Once they've scored 500, they have to score at more than 5 an over..." NEXT! 60th over: England 159-2 (Trott 70, Pietersen 41) Trott flicks a pair of singles away off his hips, with KP scampering a leg bye in between the two. "Dan Milner could be on to something..." says Matt McDowell. "What about such hits as "He Stumped Me, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah", "Cricket To Ride", or even "Ob-La-Di, ElBi-Double-you". The possibilities are endless..." Right that's it. Either we kill this riff right now or I'm packing up and going home. 61st over: England 159-2 (Trott 70, Pietersen 41) Bhajji is bowling around the wicket to Trott now, but the batsman blockas all six balls just the same. I'm glad to see Richard Sealby agrees with me: "Don't start with the Beatles puns people, just let it be, will you." 62nd over: England 159-2 (Trott 70, Pietersen 42) Praveen Kumar is back into the attack. WICKET! Trott 70 lbw Kumar (England 160-3) Kumar has his man. Just like when Cook fell yesterday, I'm left feeling a little baffled. The ball swung back in after pitching, beating the bat as Trott tried to play across the line and away to leg. Trott snapped his head up in time to see Billy Bowden raise his finger. It hit in front of middle, a little high for my liking, but Hawkeye shows it would have gone on to clip the top of leg stump. 62nd over: England 160-3 (Pietersen 42, Bell 0) If you're wondering where the description of that last wicket is, by the way, try pressing F5. Our auto-refresh function is jiggered, and doesn't pick up bits of the commentary. What a strange sensation, seeing Trott get out while well set. It was the change of bowler that did for him, Kumar presents a very different angle of attack to that of Ishant. Chapeau, Tom Stobbs: "Baby you can't drive Kumar." 63rd over: England 162-3 (Pietersen 43, Bell 1) Billy Bowden has had a little word with Kumar about following through on to the wicket, which is interesting. Kumar has already had one official warning for this. If he gets another he'll be banned from bowling in this innings and India really will be up the creek. Ian Bell's first run comes from a little tickle behind square. And at the end of the over, it's drinks. 64th over: England 162-3 (Pietersen 43, Bell 1) Bell plays out a maiden from Kumar. Bumble has been talking through that catch off Trott that went between 'keeper and slip yesterday, pointing out that Dhoni moved across to the leg side and then had to double back to the off side to try and take the catch. It was his mistake. I guess that, as Eamonn Maloney (and 1,001 others) have suggested, the bowler thought to himself "Dhoni let me down". 65th over: England 171-3 (Pietersen 48, Bell 5) Bhajji continues, bowling around the wicket to KP. He has six men on the leg side, three back on the boundary and three in close. What he doesn't have is a man at fine leg, which is where Pietersen flicks a four. A single out square puts Bell on strike, and he drops to his knees and eases two runs to fine leg with a sweep. He then slaps a lofted drive over mid-off for two. A lovely shot, even if it plugged in the outfield. He's shown more gumption in the space of those two balls than he did in the entire one-day series against Sri Lanka. "Glad to see you're Backing the UDRS," says Mark Francome, trying to stop a smirk spreading across his face as he types. 66th over: England 171-3 (Pietersen 48, Bell 5) Pietersen is doing that curious thing where, having raced to 40 in the most glorious style, he tucks his head back in and starts playing forward defensives, patting the ball back down the pitch. 67th over: England 173-3 (Pietersen 49, Bell 6) Bhajji slips a sneaky delivery past Pietersen's inside edge, turning the ball just enough. It hits the pads in front of middle stump. Umpire Rauf gives the appeal consideration, and then shakes his head. It was going over the top.

68th over: England 173-3 (Pietersen 49, Bell 6) Is that a catch? The umpires are referring it. They're not sure whether it carried. Pietersen played the ball down to Rahul Dravid at leg slip, who dived forward and wrapped his fingers around the ball just as it hit the turf. This is one of those really awkward decisions, the replays just don't help make it any clearer. It looks to me like the ball was grounded, but David Gower disagrees. And, luckily for Pietersen, the umpires agree. Pietersen gets to bat on. 68th over: England 174-3 (Pietersen 50, Bell 6) Gower is, by his own laconic standards, furious. He is convinced that the catch was clean and that Pietersen should be back in the pavilion. He and Holding are now having a heated argument about it. Moments later Pietersen whips a single away square and brings up his fifty. It has taken all of 134 balls, and is the slowest he has ever scored in Test cricket by some distance. 69th over: England 177-3 (Pietersen 51, Bell 8) Once again, if you're wondering where the rest of the entries are for that catch controversy, press refresh or F5 and the page will update with the rest of my waffle. "Gower's gone bonkers!" squawks Andrew Hulbert, "It touched the bloody ground!". Emil Fortune agrees: "Is Gower going on about 'foreshortening' again? I remember from the Ashes that unless the ball had actually taken a divot out of the turf, Gower was convinced that just about everything was a clean catch, and any appearances to the contrary were all about the long camera lens." That about covers it, yes. India are really bowling well now. After a ropey first hour, they've reasserted themselves in the last 30 minutes. Harbhajan bamboozles Bell here, bringing two balls back and then sliding one past the out side edge to end the over. 70th over: England 178-3 (Pietersen 52, Bell 8) Pietersen clumps an ungainly pull shot away to the leg side. He and Kumar are constantly chirping at each other. I'm not sure whether it's out of mutual respect or animosity, but they certainly seem to have a lot to talk about. "About 10 years ago I attended a test match at The Oval," remembers Damian from NYC. "Seated directly in front of me were 4 rather corpulent sgt Pepper era Beatles. Sometime in the second session, the refreshments had taken their toll, and one of the band members was caught chucking a meat pie at another spectator. He was promptly ejected by a female steward, despite the anguished cries of "but you cant split up the Beatles!" from his colleagues. The unfortunate steward was serenaded with "Yoko! Give us a song, Yoko, Yoko, give us a song" for the remainder of the days play." 71st over: England 186-3 (Pietersen 54, Bell 14) A curious sort of shot from Bell, who continues to play shots in Test matches that he never seems to dare to try in a ODI. This one was a clipped slog-sweep, played without any follow-through. He hit the ball just hard enough to clear the infield. "Shouldn't England try to push harder in the next 9 overs before the 2nd new ball?" ponders Anand Kumar. "I think India would be pretty happy with the morning given that they have removed the immovable object without their top bowler.' I agree with that. But who will take the new ball with Ishant? Kumar is already in the middle of a five-over spell. I suppose they will get to rest up over lunch, but my word England will kick themselves if they can't take advantage of India's threadbare bowling this afternoon. I suppose we'll see a few overs from Raina and Tendulkar as the day wears on. For what it is worth, both Botham and Hussain agree with Gower. They all think that Rahul Dravid took a clean catch and that Pietersen should be out. 72nd over: England 190-3 (Pietersen 54, Bell 18) Bell plays a straight bat but turns his wrists at the last minute and steers four to third man off Kumar. What a wonderful shot. "Is it foreshortening that made Dravid's fingers briefly bulge out so far that they couldn't possibly have been under the ball?" scoffs Stephen Russell. "That's not foreshortening, that's a funfair lens." 73rd over: England 199-3 (Pietersen 59, Bell 22) Pietersen remembers what he is about, and takes a quick two-step down the wicket to loft a drive down the ground for four. He slashes manically at the next delivery, sweeping it away for a single. Bell cuts four from the final delivery too. He's in the thick of a superb little innings here. "Why the complaints about KP and that Dravid er non-catch?" asks Keith Flett. "This is the 2000th Test, allegedly, and its all entirely within the spirit in which WG Grace played the game." I read a lovely story about the young Jack Hobbs recently, who faced Grace in one of his very first games for Surrey. He dropped the ball to the off side and set out for a quick single, only to pull up when Grace shouted out 'that's right young man, go and fetch the ball and bring it back to me.'

74th over: England 201-3 (Pietersen 61, Bell 22) Ishant Sharma comes back for a little spell before the break. Pietersen cracks a cut shot away to extra cover off the first ball, picking out the fielder. He seems to be going through a series of violent mood swings out there in the middle. He's decided to go after Sharma, and he Chinese cuts the next ball past his own stumps, then wallops two runs over towards cow corner. "Mere hysteria," says Andrew Hulbert of the Sky team's collective conviction about that catch. "It is known in Psychology that nonsense can spread through self-contained groups. Alternatively, they're all nincompoops." 75th over: England 207-3 (Pietersen 62, Bell 27) I have friend who is a lucid dreamer. He can control what he thinks about in the night. No really. But then he's an extraordinary fellow, who also happens to be one of the great memory champions. If I could I would spend the night watching Ian Bell play this shot over and over again, from every conceivable angle. He leans back to the leg side and and cuts four past point, but those words do not come close to capturing the majesty with which he did it. 76th over: England 214-3 (Pietersen 69, Bell 26) Pietersen plays a rambunctious drive through cover, punishing Ishant for sending down a delivery that was so full and so wide. He steers the next ball past the slips for three, and Ian Bell then plays a pair of inglorious and ugly shots which I shall pass over, seeing as I've been waxing so lyrically about his fine form. 77th over: England 216-3 (Pietersen 71, Bell 28) Harbhajan bowls what will be, presumably, be the final over of the session. Given that, you have to wonder why the batsmen have taken such a hare-brained single from the fifth delivery, with Bell having to dive in to beat the throw from the field. And that, ladies and gentsis lunch. It's been another fascinating session. And given that they haven't had Zaheer to bowl, India have done very well indeed. Dhoni's field settings have been excellent, as has been, at points, the bowling of Harbhajan and Kumar. England will face another new ball in three overs time, and Alan Gardner will be here to guide you through it in 30 minutes or so, please send your emails to him now on alan.gardner.casual@guardian.co.uk. In the meantime, that man Smyth has compiled a Joy Of Six on his favourite India v England moments for your delectation. LUNCH Hey everybody. It's Friday! And two of the best teams in the world are engaging in a pwopah Test tussle; and Kevin Pietersen is marching remorselessly on; and the sky is blue (or at least milky blue); and I have coffee and a ham sandwich in front of me - in short, life is good. Lunchtime Q&A: "I'm looking to buy a single-day ticket for the Durham or Oval tests, at the same time hoping to see India bat," says Shunashir Sen. "I know it's intense predictive mathematics but any thoughts on which of the five days I should get a ticket for?" Unless you're able to predict the teams, the pitch, the weather and the toss, I would suggest one's as good as any. Or day two. A measure of India's desparation? Rahul Dravid has come out wearing the gloves and MS Dhoni is going to have a bowl! Now this is a rum start to the session, is it not? 78th over: England 218-3 (Pietersen 72, Bell 28) And the India captain and wicketkeeper makes a huge lbw appeal for the wicket of Kevin Pietersen with his first delivery! It was outside the line of off but, my, hearts were in mouths ... This is quite extraordinary! The keeper giving up the gloves to bowl himself on the second day of a Test. Other than declaration bowling, when did it last happen, I wonder? The new ball is just a couple of overs away and one can only assume this is some kind of mental card trick from Dhoni, who has never taken a first-class wicket. 79th over: England 219-3 (Pietersen 73, Bell 28) Harbhajan Singh continues to bowl from the Nursery End. Another thing to mention is that this is the first time Dravid has kept wicket in a Test match. "MSD is

on LSD. WTF is going on here," OMGs Tarun Baloch. Smyth, sitting next to me, has dug out that this is only the 32nd time that a wicketkeeper has bowled in a Test ... REFERRAL!!! Pietersen 73 c Dravid b Dhoni (80th over: England 219-3) Wails of excitement around the office, only drowned out by the gnashing of teeth at Lord's! Dhoni just popped one on a length outside off and Pietersen, pushing forward, is given out by Billy Bowden for a thin edge. There was definitely a sound - but was it ball on bat or bat on pad? Pietersen looks pretty confident and immediately asks for a review ... There's a sound as the ball passes the bat, but nothing on hotspot. And Bowden's decision is overturned! That was a real Kurtz moment, nevertheless. The horror! The horror! 80th over: England 224-3 (Pietersen 74, Bell 32) Dhoni is whipping the ball through at about 75-76mph. He's got form when it comes to bowling in Tests, as that list in the previous over shows - and he's also taken a wicket, in an ODI against West Indies. Bell late cuts four, and the nerves begin to take their seats once again. 81st over: England 226-3 (Pietersen 76, Bell 32) Apparently, the last time a wicketkeeper dismissed someone in an authentically 'live' situation was a far back as 1898. Just two off the bat of Pietersen from Harbhajan's over. "Neither Dhoni nor Dravid have trained to do this and both are risking injury. Crazy. Not worth it, even if they succeed in winding Pietersen up." I'm not sure if Steve Hudson sent that before or after the referral ... 82nd over: England 230-3 (Pietersen 79, Bell 33) This is some captaincy chutzpah from Dhoni, who keeps himself on for a third over of medium pace rather than turn to the new ball. It's been a decision worthy of Bamber Boozler. Dhoni has been tidy enough, though, conceding just 10 runs, to go alongside those two appeals (and yes, I realise Jonathan Trott is already out - bah!) "Definitely Day 2," says Rob Howard, backing up my suggestions to Shunashir Sen. "Given that it is extremely uncommon for any team to bat for two whole days, and given that it is even more unusual to see 20 wickets on day one, it is most likely there will be a change of innings on day 2 which will allow Sunashir to at least see a session of India batting. 83rd over: England 230-3 (Pietersen 79, Bell 33) Harbhajan runs through a maiden. He's still searching for his first wicket at Lord's (to be fair, he hasn't bowled here before). "Sorry to sound (or be) stupid but what is an authentically 'live' situation?" Not all, Chris Marshall - it's a fudged way of saying that the wicket didn't come as the result of declaration bowling, or when a result was near impossible. 84th over: England 234-3 (Pietersen 80, Bell 35) And still the Magnificent Mahendra eschews the new cherry and trundles in. Bell and Pietersen have knuckled down to the job, not offering anything so moraleboosting as a sniff to the bowler/wicketkeeper/batsman. As Bull and Smyth have just chuckled to my right, imagine the look on Fletcher's face when Dhoni said he was going to have a bowl! Meanwhile, Steve Hudson's been hacked, or so it appears: "Hi. Just got back to my desk I see they were sending joke emails from my account. Hey look Dhoni's bowling!!" 85th over: England 236-3 (Pietersen 81, Bell 36) Pietersen and Bell exchange singles - KP is beginning to look a bit more predatory as he skips around the crease now. Remember when he used to do this sort of thing to Harbhajan? Here's Eamonn Maloney: "Reminds me of the volatile Aussie wicketkeeper Tim Zoehrer, whose 10 Test career spanned the Marsh, Healy and Gilchrist eras, and who not surprisingly turned to another trade, namely legspin, which almost got him into the national team on its own merit." 86th over: England 242-3 (Pietersen 86, Bell 37) We're still in Bizarro World. "Me no unnerstand Dhoni bowling when new ball ready ..." He's a sly fox, is the India captain, trying to tempt Pietersen across his crease, as he has been playing all morning, and then slip in the odd leg-stump yorker. The over ends with Pietersen punching four down the ground. Bosh.

87th over: England 246-3 (Pietersen 88, Bell 39) England's pair are playing Harbhajan pretty well they've just got to watch out for bounce, with precious little turn on this second-day Lord's track. "Is there anything MS Dhoni cannot do?" marvels Dan Lucas. "It seems the only thing left for him to achieve is to eclipse Kumar Sangakkara in the Guardian's man-love stakes." I've only got eyes for Kumar, though, I used to like the look of MS when he had those metrosexual locks ... Smyth's locket has a picture of Rob Key in it, while I think Bully has recently submitted to Jon Trott's sleeper hold. 88th over: England 252-3 (Pietersen 94, Bell 39) Finally Dhoni concedes that the ruse has failed - though it was quite brilliant for a wee while - and asks for the new ball. There's a fair bit of jiggering about as Dhoni takes back the gauntlets and sundry other bits of kit from Dravid. Ishant Sharma will be the man to restyle Dhoni's run-up - he'll want to make the batsmen play far more than he has so far ... though he probably won't appreciate being smashed for four past the diving fielder at deep midwicket by Pietersen. And now Dhoni has dropped one that KP let go through; his heart's no longer in this standing-still-andcatching lark, is it? And that seems an appropriate moment to bring in Gary Naylor: "The admirable Tatenda Taibu is Zimbabwe's wicket-keeper but bowls some very decent stuff, as his 22 First Class wickets, including one in Tests, shows. I applaud MS Dhoni's chutzpah - I'm not sure he isn't a better bowler than keeper anyway." 89th over: England 256-3 (Pietersen 94, Bell 43) There's still plenty of swing out there for Praveen Kumar. He reminds me a bit of yesterday's hero Ed Giddins, you know ... Bell drives sweetly for four; he's moved unfussily to 43 from just 67 balls. "Bamber Boozler! Brilliant," yips Tom Rothery. "Wasn't he that pixelated chap from the bamboozle teletext page on channel 4? New version every Thursday as I recall a must for any student household in the 90s as a pre-cursor to yet another night down the pub." The very same - and if you were smart, you could tell from the number in the top left of the screen whether you'd got the answer wrong, and could skip through to the next question with a quick tickle of the remote. 90th over: England 262-3 (Pietersen 98, Bell 45) The hundred partnership comes up and this is looking a bit ominous for the tourists. Sure, they're deprived of their chief strike weapon in Zaheer Khan, and Dhoni coming on for a bowl was a giggle - but India wouldn't have foreseen England being just three wickets down and getting on for 300 when they won the toss yesterday morning. Anyway, sorry to introduce a note of seriousness - here's more on the Omnipotent MS from Jonny Wardle: "I hear he's going to be making the tea later." 91st over: England 262-3 (Pietersen 98, Bell 45) Praveen is yelling himself hoarse asking for an lbw decision against Ian Bell but Asad Rauf shakes his head. The ball pitched on a length and ducked quite sharply back in - but it slapped Bell on the thigh and would have gone over the top. I Ron rubs his tender part vigorously - to show where the ball hit him and nothing more. That's a maiden, and drinks. "How upset will Fletcher be with this?" wonders Chris Moores, possibly from behind a set of wrap around shades. "Is this not an example of the ultimate three dimensional cricketer? I bet he tried to get Giles to keep wicket " True. It's widely believed that Chris Read's batting was direly neglected in favour of trying to develop a doosra. 92nd over: England 270-3 (Pietersen 106, Bell 45) Sharma continues to drag KP outside off ... either that or he's scared of bowling at the batsman. Such trepidation is, I suppose understandable, as when the lanky lushiously locked paceman pitches it up, Pietersen on-drives him beautifully down the ground for a boundary that takes him to his hundred. Pietersen removes his helmet and raises his arms - that's a sight we've not seen enough of recently. His last hundred at home was almost three years ago, against South Africa. He then edges Sharma through the slips for four more, though there was nothing controlled about that stroke ... "Is MS the new Dennis Waterman (write the theme tune, sing the theme tune, star in the programme)?," wonders Paul Wakefield. "If so, will we be seeing an Indian version of Minder anytime soon, with MS playing Terry to Duncan Fletcher's Arthur?" WICKET! Bell 45 c Dhoni b Kumar (93rd over: England 270-4) As if the prospect of reviving the much-loved capers of Terry and Arthur wasn't enough too make MD Dhoni smile, he's now taken an excellent diving catch to dismiss Ian Bell.

WICKET! Morgan 0 c Dhoni b Kumar (93rd over: England 270-5) Gone! We know that Eoin Morgan can look a little flaky getting started against pace (even the wobbly sort that Kumar purveys) and after edging one on to his pads he plays forward and gets an inside edge through to the keeper. 93rd over: England 270-5 (Pietersen 106, Prior 0) Now that over, a double-wicket maiden, really has changed the shape of things ... And there's another element to throw in to mix. Hot Spot appears to show that Morgan didn't get an edge on the delivery, though it did clearly flick the pad on its way through. Morgan walked, so the assumption was he knew he'd hit it - but, if he thought he had been given out lbw, then he would have had no recourse from DRS (as the system is not being used in any capacity to review lbws). Can you hear the water boiling? 94th over: England 274-5 (Pietersen 110, Prior 0) A Sharma long-hop is dismissed for four by Pietersen. He's not been ruffled by any of this ... And he's notched a hundred in the 2,000th Test, which is just his style, wouldn't you say? While we've been debate the Strange Case of Mr Morgan's Wicket, Lord Selve has been in touch to shed some light on the matter of bowling glovemen: "You should know that AC Smith, the Warwickshire and England keeper got 131 first class wickets, and in 1965 against Essex took off the pads and took a hat-trick. When secretary of the old Test and County Cricket Board, he was notoriously reticent about statements. 'No comment, but don't quote me,' was one gem. Dhoni bowling was not a complete surprise by the way. He had been practicing this morning with Dravid keeping wicket." 95th over: England 274-5 (Pietersen 110, Prior 0) Another maiden from Kumar, who has found a neat groove today, bowling a tight line and making the ball curve like its on a rail. Shunashir Sen has written in to give thanks to the OBO, though I realise a couple of crucial responses were sitting in my inbox. One, from Andrew Dennett, points out that The Oval is sold out for the first four days, while Jos Roberts adds: "If Shunashir is hoping to see India bat at Durham he'll be waiting at least four years - the other Tests are at Trent Bridge and Edgbaston." 96th over: England 278-5 (Pietersen 112, Prior 2) SirIan is not happy about this potential DRS gnaws-up - and the more you look at it, it seems Morgan may well have walked because he thought he'd been given out lbw (he shouldn't have been out lbw, because the ball didn't come back enough to hit off-stump but that's by the by as Morgan). Snicko seems to confirm that the only contact was with the pad ... "It's ridiculous that India get to choose not to use DRS," thunders Nath Jones. "I reckon the umpires should get together and give Tendulkar out to terrible lbw decisions in every innings he plays until the BCCI give in." Nicholas Clarke has a counter argument, however: "Surely if Morgan walked as he knew he hit yet Hot Spot didn't detect an edge the key issue is that Hot Spot isn't up to scratch? Perhaps India are correct in not wanting to use these things?" Back in the middle, Pietersen edges Sharma short of second slip. It's all going off! 97th over: England 282-5 (Pietersen 112, Prior 6) Bumble is sent into paroxysms of delight by a Kumar leg-cutter that drifts into Prior before whanging away off the pitch. Not even Ed Giddins could do that ... Prior had just guided a boundary through point, but Kumar is bowling a delicious spell. "There is provision now for the batsman to ask the umpire how he was out," notes Selvey, via the ether. "So had he done so, Morgan, if caught behind, could have reviewed it and been reprieved. If he was lbw on the other hand, then it would just be put down to a poor decision." 98th over: England 282-5 (Pietersen 112, Prior 6) This is odder than Jose Luis Chilavert taking penalties and free-kicks and Zinzan Brooke landing 40-metre drop goals - MS Dhoni has hoicked off Sharma and taken the 10-over old ball for another bowl. Which is good timing, as Thomas Lawrence has been in touch: "Bowling wicket keepers - Alfred Lyttelton was surely the king: In the early 1880s Lyttelton played four Test matches against Australia, the most notable of which was that contested at The Oval in 1884. In the course of this game, Australia reached a total all but unheard-of at the time of 500 for six and the England captain, Lord Harris, grew so desperate for a breakthrough that he asked his wicket-keeper to bowl. Grace kept wicket while Lyttelton sent down a succession of underarm lobs, succeeding, remarkably, in taking the last four Australian wickets for only 19 runs in the course of a dozen overs. He's my greatgreat-great-uncle. I have inherited none of sports ability." Dhoni's figures improve to 6-1-20-0.

99th over: England 292-5 (Pietersen 112, Prior 12) Prior scalps another boundary outside off. And the word from the England dressing room is that Morgan thought he edged the delivery from Kumar that undid him. Hmmm ... "Wasn't Sanga recently given out caught when HS did not detect a signal and he later said that he actually hit it?" Anand provides more evidence that technology might not always be the answer. 100th over: England 294-5 (Pietersen 112, Prior 13) Dhoni's getting a bit of shape on the ball - still, this is a remarkable display of stones. He's never even taken a first-class wicket, for flip's sake! "I was introduced to a cracking word the other day (by someone with a PhD from Cambridge, no less) Zugzwang. It describes the situation (usually in chess) when you wish it was someone else's turn to play, rather than yours. England's batsmen definitely had a touch of the Zugzwang's yesterday, though the Indian bowlers were all feeling some Zugzwang this morning. Right now feels like the Zugzwang is pretty evenly distributed across the two teams." I'm always being forced to play when I don't want to, Mike. 101st over: England 298-5 (Pietersen 112, Prior 17) Prior sees a juicy wide from Kumar, his kitchen sink lights up and he throws the dollar signs at it. The result is four, via a thick edge over the slips. The latest on Zaheer, by the way, is that he's been on the exercise bike and will definitely be back in action for England's second dig. "Just wondering if anyone can shed any light on why an England batsmen hasn't scored a triple century in 21 years," enquires Alex McGillivray, who's possibly just been reading today's Joy of Six. "When was the last one before that? John Edrich? Is it that we don't have the talent? Cook's 235 in Australia is the next highest after Gooch's 333, a full hundred shy. Gayle has scored a triple century, Sehwag, Jayawardene, Hayden etc. Are we really that weak?" Putting the merits of Big Daddy Hundreds aside, for a moment, surely the team's success if the most important thing, Alex? 102nd over: England 300-5 (Pietersen 113, Prior 18) Pietersen and Prior exchange singles off Dhoni and the 300 is up. The getting there was a bit more dramatic than looked likely 45 minutes ago ... "For all the murmur surrounding technology - Hear one from me," Tarun Baloch implores, his arms spread wide. "Pieterson was given not out while there was no hotspot supporting the evidence that his bat clipped the pads, how was he given not out?" 103rd over: England 305-5 (Pietersen 113, Prior 18) Harbhajan Singh returns for the final over before tea. After the sight of Dhoni rolling his arm over, little could shock us now - but it's a quiet return, nevertheless, with the batsmen just tickling the score along. Kumar's over really has livened proceedings up, with England's steady progress checked and DRS questions skipping excitably to the fore. You can bet there'll be more said on the matter ... The man to discuss them with after tea will be Andy Bull, so send your scrawlings to andy.bull@guardian.co.uk. Tatty bye! TEA Afternoon all, I'm going to stay on here through the Tea break, in the hope that I'm going to be able to describe an excruciating ten minutes in the life of ICC chief executive Haroon Lorgat, who is currently being interviewed by Gower and Nas, who have pulled a flanking move on him. A little like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park. "Clever girls." At the moment Gower is going in hard on Lorgat, ranting about the IPL and situation with Chris Gayle and the WICB. But he's just tagged in Hussain, who starts off with a broadside about the idea of a timeless Test. "If it's on a flat pitch it will be ridiculously dull." Back to Gower, and he's moved on the topic we all want to hear about - the DRS and the BCCI. "The decision making process is really quite simple," says Lorgat, whose Anglo-South African-Indian accent makes him sound a little like Pete Postlethwaite in The Usual Suspects. He goes on to list the umpteen committees who have a say in the decision. Lorgat is getting it from both sides now. "It's fair to say we still have to prove the accuracy of the balltracking technology," says Lorgat, who is now staring at his feet. "We hope to do that as quickly as

possible." Lorgat has a real talent for BS. He's a real pro. In India during the World Cup he managed to spin the riots for tickets in Bangalore as proof that there was still a public appetite for the fifty-over game. Sadly, the Tea break is up and the fun is over. If Nasser had got a another ten minutes he might have broken Lorgat, but it wasn't to be. Credit to Gower too, who actually gave a much tougher interview than his laid-back persona might have led you to believe he would. 104th over: England 314-5 (Pietersen 123, Prior 22) Suresh Raina will open the attack after the interval, bowling his rinky-dink off-spin to Pietersen from around the wicket. Dhoni has put the 'keeping gloves back on now, so we're not going to see any more bowling from him today. Unsurprising that, given that every single one of the ten other players in his team has a better first class bowling average than he does. You'd have thought Raina would have had a go long before now. Pietersen chops four through cover, nudges two to the leg side and then pushes a couple more to deep extra cover. The OBO is a small, small world after all. Just look at this, from Sesh Nadathur: "I was just thinking of mentioning Alfred Lyttelton who is my great-great-great uncle too - but I see that Thomas Lawrence (98th over) has beaten me to it! So I should just say hello to Thomas, who is a distant cousin of mine. In fact I think we might even have met once, several years ago. What an odd coincidence, and one more reason to keep an eagle eye on the OBO." Is this actually one of those Genghis Khan situations? Was the Hon. Alfred Lyttleton actually so promiscuous that it is going to turn out one in every three OBO readers is actually related to him one way or another? 105th over: England 316-5 (Pietersen 124, Prior 23) Instant Karma starts at the other end, bowling a little too short and a little too wide, much as he has right through this innings. At the risk of jinxing him, if he carries on delivering this sort of stuff he is only going to be feeding Prior's favourite shots. "Slightly off topic here (go on, shoot me)," says Gavin Facey, "but why is there an advert for betting on the 2015 cricket world cup on the right hand side of my screen? I can see there is a 20 free bet offer, but who bets on things four years before the event?" Oh I don't know. Barry Glendenning? There are some things I'd be very happy to predict from this far out. One of them would be that after making a rash of last minute team changes England will end up being knocked out in the quarterfinals. 106th over: England 321-5 (Pietersen 132, Prior 24) A smattering of applause rings out around Lord's as Pietersen raises the fifty partnership. Raina has been yanked out of the attack after a single over. Ta, but no ta very much. Harbhajan is back on now. "My flatmate knows nothing about cricket," says Sam Collier. "But he does have a Ph.D. in climate science and gets to play with all sorts of very expensive infrared cameras. He says that the kind of contact that would create a faint noise (and would be felt by the batsman) would not transfer enough energy to heat up the bat such that it could be detectable on even the best infrared cameras." Really? 107th over: England 327-5 (Pietersen 132, Prior 25) True story. I had an email from Desmond Tutu during the afternoon session. In it, he suggested that this week's Spin was "hilarious, but a little too smart." This has stumped me somewhat. I feel that when Desmond Tutu is offering you constructive criticism, you ought to listen. Whereas the rest of you, well, I mostly just ignore your advice. So I'm not going to pretend to know anything about the science of infrared cameras. Nor am I going to attempt to answer Andrew Hudson's query about whether or not "rose is an acceptable drink for a man to take to the cricket?" Because my main criteria when it comes to buying wine is whether it costs more or less than 5. And I'm certainly not going to get involved with this email from Tim Jones: "As a chess player, I'm pleased to see zugzwang can arise in more physical activities. A classic zugzwang game is http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=1012683 (Note that the so-called "Immortal Zugzwang" game (which Nimzowitsch, trounced in the above game, actually won) is not an example at all." Because my chess is atrocious, so it'd be best not to comment. REFERRAL! Pietersen 132 c b Harbhajan India are convinced that they have a catch off Pietersen's glove. They don't. He was attempting a vaguely ludicrous reverse sweep, but missed the ball altogether. It ricocheted off his pad and off his body and on to the slips. He shook his head, as did Billy Bowden, but that didn't stop Dhoni using a review.

109th over: England 337-5 (Pietersen 135, Prior 32) "If Zaheer is fit enough to pedal a bike in the gym," which, as Andy James says, is what he is currently doing, "why hasn't Dhoni dragged him out to bowl a few overs of left arm spin? Fortunately, I've waited until the Indian players are back out there to ensure they don't read the cunning plan when it gets published. you will publish this won't you?" Tendulkar makes a little misfield, allowing a ball to sneak by his outstretched hand, and Ishant runs his hand over his face. He looks exasperated. As do a few of his teammates. 110th over: England 340-5 (Pietersen 135, Prior 35) Two more runs for Prior. "I'm at Lord's," says Peter Newman, "(and following OBO, natch) and was wondering if India are going to be fined for the slow over rate? The faffing around Dhoni's bowling's taken FOREVER!" True. And I think that he's already had two warnings for a slow overrate in the last 12 months. One more at the end of this match and he will be suspended. I'd have to check on that though. It could be bunkum. " 111th over: England 347-5 (Pietersen 136, Prior 40) Prior's got no respect for Ishant. He DiMaggios a short ball back down the ground for four, then stands staring wild-eyed as the ball bangs into the boundary boards. Glorious stuff. he then takes a leg bye and then, later in the over, KP clumps a cut away for a single. Here's Luke Williams: "Local wine speciality here in Neuchatel, Switzerland is a Pinot Noir ros called 'Oeil de Perdrix', which translates as 'Partridge's Eye'. Because it's supposed to be the same colour as the blood-darkened eye of a partridge which has been shot by a hunter, and hung for three days. Is that man enough for you?" 112th over: England 348-5 (Pietersen 136, Prior 41) Zaheer is now strolling around the outfield in a cosy padded jacket, while Harbhajan starts out on his 27th over out in the middle. "I can confirm that Sesh is my cousin," says Tom Lawrence. "We met at my grandparents' in Little Milton in 2004-5, I think. Please send him my regards. Worth noting Alfred Lyttelton was one of 15 children - busy man, his father." 113th over: England 349-5 (Pietersen 136, Prior 42) Praveen Kumar is back into the attack. He has been outstanding today, bending the ball both ways in the air. Prior pats his first ball back down the wicket, a shot that prompts KP to throw himself to the ground to like a man ducking a bullet. He ends up looking a little silly, as the ball goes nowhere near him. 114th over: England 356-5 (Pietersen 136, Prior 50) Mercy, there are still 35 overs to go today. India's over rate is diabolical. England scamper an all-run four as Praveen puts in an appallingly lazy piece of fielding down at long leg, kicking the ball away from the rope and then strolling over to where it lies to pick it up and throw it back. He sweeps two more, then adds a pair of singles and that brings up another fantastic fifty, from just 72 balls. 115th over: England 363-5 (Pietersen 138, Prior 53) The camera takes a turn around the ground, picking out a few faces in the crowd. We've just got to that time of day when attention is starting to drift a little. There are a few boozy folk with their heads tucked up on their arms. A lot of them in egg-and-bacon ties. 116th over: England 368-5 (Pietersen 139, Prior 55) Prior gets himself into a tangle trying to step outside leg stump and slap a boundary off Bhajji. India are, as Nasser Hussain has just pointed out, stalling for time right now. Harbhajan is bowling outide leg-stump to a packed leg-side field. "I've just crawled out of bed here in Vancouver," writes Alfred Moore. "So please excuse my five hours out of date comment about that non-catch that David Gower got in a tizzie about when Pietersen was on 49. My rule of thumb for armchair assessment of these controversial catches is this: If the ground wasn't there, would the fielder have been able to hold onto it? The issue is not whether it touched a blade of grass, but whether the ball would have burst through their fingers if the ground wasn't there. Of course, it's hard to make the call while only reading about the incident, but I'm going to say it wasn't a catch. If his fingers were, as one reader put it, 'splayed', it's hard to see how it could have stayed in his hands without some help from the ground." Ehh? Man, you are truly bonkers. How can the ground not be there? How is the issue anything other than whether it touched the grass or not?

117th over: England 370-5 (Pietersen 140, Prior 57) It only seems a few minutes ago that I was describing the fifty partnership. And yet they've just brought up the 100. 118th over: England 377-5 (Pietersen 143, Prior 61) It's drinks, and Pietersen ostentatiously chugs back a can of Red Bull, swilling its sticky sickly sweet contents around his cheeks like it was mouthwash. When play starts again he drops on to one knee and launches a reverse slog sweep away to deep square leg, where it fall shy of Sachin Tendulkar. Harbhajan turns to bawl out the fielder for his lack of effort, but when he clocks who it is he changes his mind and swallows his words. 119th over: England 379-5 (Pietersen 145, Prior 59) "Brilliant!" shouts Stephen Russell. "Alfred Moore's new take on the laws will be a balm to all those fielders who drop the ball when they hit the ground. The umpires can rule that the ground illegally interfered with them, and not only award them the catch, but also 5 penalty runs to their side and a hat made of real beaver fur." Yes, the more I think about it the more I'm inclined to believe that this was one of those thoughts that you keep to yourself for years and years and then, when you finally say it out loud and see how everyone else reacts, you finally realise how silly it sounds. Back in the middle, Praveen Kumar is bowling from around the wicket now. He's into his 39th over now. 120th over: England 389-5 (Pietersen 145, Prior 71) Prior plays a reverse sweep of his own, whipping the ball away fine for four. He pushes the next out to deep cover for two more. He's hungry for what Bhajji is bowling. His next shot is just superb, a mow over cow corner played off one knee. Ten runs from the over, and all of a sudden the commentators are talking about the possibility of England declaring tonight and "having half an hour at India." Which is never going to happen. 121st over: England 389-5 (Pietersen 145, Prior 71) "There is a message going out for the rest of the series here," observes Bumble astutely. "England are giving India the run-around. And India don't like being given the run-around," And at that very point... WICKET! Prior 71 c Dhoni b Kumar (England 390-6) Prior swings a cut shot at a loopy little short delivery, but edges it through to Dhoni. India hardly muster much of a cry in celebration. That, by, the way, means that Kumar has his first four-for in Test cricket. The Sky cameras cheekily close in on England's dressing room window, where Prior places his bat back on the sill with deliberate care. Which is very witty of him. WICKET! Broad 0 lbw Kumar (England 390-7) That's a golden duck for Broad, and Kumar now has his first five-wicket haul. And he's on a hat-trick. It was a little inswinger, a delivery Kumar always seems to use first-up to the left-handers. Broad was late on it. It wasn't the nest decision - the ball would have missed leg-stump - but in the end, this will only speed the game onwards. Swann survives the hat-trick ball, and then ducks underneath a ludicrous bouncer, that can hardly have been travelling more than 75mph and didn't get much above chest high. 122nd over: England 390-7 (Pietersen 147, Swann 0) "Just thinking about this new law of Alfred Moore's where there's no ground," says a confused sounding Piers Barclay. "I'm wondering what the fielder's standing on? Is the match now taking place in some kind of metaphysical hinterland?" There's going to be a lovely little duel in this series between Swann and Harbhajan when they get occasions to bat against each other. Neither is shy with their shots, and both will want to prove they've got the better of the other. 123rd over: England 401-7 (Pietersen 156, Swann 1) There's 150 for Pietersen, and here's a lovely email from Sam Masters: "Outside, my lady friend is mowing the lawn, cursing me and swearing like a merchant seaman. I'm sitting in the lambing chair playing air cricket to TMS - a little across the line, like KP in recent times if you must know - and pondering over rates. I jauntily call outside, 'darling, do you agree that the Indians ought to get a shift on?', a clump of grass and mud is hurled thought the air, landing on my conk, and quite disturbing my Cook-like sense of inner calm and quiet reverie. She is clearly siding with

Dhoni." A little like that shot from KP in fact, who steps down the wicket and crashes four over mid-off. What a vicious shot. This could be about to get really, really fun. 124th over: England 402-7 (Pietersen 156, Swann 2) KP is feeling feisty. He hops around to make a switch hit here, and Harbhajan, offended by the intention, pulls out of his delivery stride and walks back to his mark. It's been a long while since we've seen KP play some of these shots in a Test match. In some ways this has been the perfect innings for the batsman he is now, and may tell us something about the batsman he is going to become - patient, grafting, even slow at points, but punctuated with moments of the old flamboyance. 125th over: England 402-7 (Pietersen 156, Swann 2) An uneventful maiden over, with Swann playing and missing at a few deliveries from Sharma. Huzzah. Alfred Moore is out of bed and back in my inbox: "The derisory response my new thought experiment for judging grounded catches has elicited from you, Russell and Barclay has not jolted me into seeing how crazy I am in the eyes of the world. Far from it. It's no more weird a thought experiment than imagining where the ball would have gone if the batsman's pads weren't in the way. We don't say LBW is logically impossible because we can't imagine a batsman with no legs. All I was suggesting was that touching the fuzzy space between ground and sky is not the same as grounding the ball. This explains how honest fielders believe they caught the ball even when the camera shows it touching the grass. Full disclosure: I should also perhaps note at this point that I have taught in a philosophy department (though I'm now in the more down-to-earth political science) and a few days ago I got half way to the shops without realizing that I hadn't washed the conditioner out of my hair. Yours crazily, Alfred." 126th over: England 411-7 (Pietersen 157, Swann 9) If anything the prospect of batting against Harbhajan seems to have goaded Swann into playing properly. He eases away two runs with a sweep here. Oh no. I spoke much too soon. He steps down the pitch and has a yahoo at the next ball, heaving it over mid-off for four. He's out lbw to the next ball, but the decision isn't given and, whoops, India aren't allowed to use the DRS to review it. Whose fault is that I wonder? 127th over: England 431-7 (Pietersen 173, Swann 10) Pietersen gets past the nervous 158s - he's fallen three times on that score in the past - with a preposterous shot of the kind only he could play. He stands outside off stump and thumps a straight drive down the ground for four. He lashes the next out to deep cover for two more. It would have been four but for some tidy footwork by the fielder. My word. KP is breaking Ishant Sharma here. His next shot is the kind that makes me wolf-whistle. I just can't help it. It's a flamingo flick, larruped over to mid-on for four more. A pair of singles and then he ends the over with an emphatic lofted straight drive for four, and that after Dhoni had gone to the trouble of bringing his fielders up to try and provoke him into playing a rash shot. Wonderful, wonderful batting from Pietersen, who took 15 runs off Sharma in this over. And he has just passed 6,000 runs in Test cricket too. 128th over: England 441-7 (Pietersen 173, Swann 23) This is turning into a pasting. Swann slaps four through mid-wicket, then tickles four more to fine leg. It gets better: he plays a reverse slog-sweep to the final ball of the over for yet another boundary. Impish batting this. 129th over: England 451-7 (Pietersen 183, Swann 24) Harbhajan's last spell is 12 overs for 74. And there were a pair of zeroes in the mix too. Ouch. These two have put on 52 from 45 deliveries. Gambhir sprints around the boundary and dives to cut off a tracer bullet of a drive from Pietersen. "What's England's strategy here?" asks Mark Elliott. "Do they bat until they are all out, or would they consider a declaration and putting India in tonight?" They bat until their out. Right now these two are doing so much damage with the bat it would be a crime to call them off. Pietersen lashes four more through mid-wicket 130th over: England 451-7 (Pietersen 183, Swann 24) Suresh Raina is back on, bowling from around the wicket to Swann. 49 runs have come from the last four overs, so Dhoni has to do something. Would it be too rude to say that he's conspicuously not offering to take off his gloves and have a go himself any more?

WICKET! Swann 24 b Raina (England 451-8) Swann is bowled, more is the pity. He hasn't scored anything over 40 since 2009, which is something of a shame, because he's a hell of a tail-ender. It was a dart of a delivery that did for him, flat and full. Tremlett is in now, and after four more balls Raina has a wicket-maiden to show off. Harbhajan on the other hand has bowled 35 overs and taken none for 152. "Cruel game, cricket" deadpans Mikey Holding. 131st over: England 458-8 (Pietersen 186, Tremlett 4) "Ohhhhh," groans Bumble off mic as Pietersen hammers another straight drive down the ground. And then, in the best traditions of his county club, Tremlett plays a Surrey drive, the ball shooting away off the inside edge for four. 132nd over: England 474-8 (Pietersen 202, Tremlett 4) Pietersen is now playing on instinct, with no thought for the worries of the situation or the proper technique. And it is wonderful to watch. He crashes four over the bowler's head, bangs six into the pavilion, and wallops two to long-on. There are very, very few men in the world who are capable of playing an innings like this. He forces the next ball away for four and that brings up his double century. He's absolutely overjoyed. And England have declared! Strauss calls the batsmen in, and they're going to have a burst at India tonight with the new ball. Kudos to him. There was a time when he would have pushed on and on till the team were out. So Pietersen finishes unbeaten on 202, from 326 balls, with 21 fours and 1 six. This has been one of his very best innings. In fact, it's been absolutely, mind-blowingly, eye-poppingly stupendous. "Oh glory be!" gushes David Hindle. "Viv Richards is reborn..." No, but KP is. "It just looked as though he could do anything, hit it anywhere," says Holding over the highlights reel of Pietersen's innings. His final fifty took just 25 balls. Well this is going to be an entertaining half hour of cricket end to the day. Gautam Gambhir and the newcomer Abhinav Mukund, who is playing his fourth Test, are going to be taking strike. Strauss has called his men into a huddle, and is barking instructions at them. There really is a ruthlessness about the way England are handling this that is reminiscent of Australia in their pomp. 1st over: India 5-0 (Gambhir 4, Mukund 1) Anderson sprints up to bowl his first ball. How this game has changed. I'm still getting my head together after the assault of the last hour or so, goodness knows what kind of state India must be in. "If I read you right, KP just took 16 off the over to bring up his double hundred," gasps Peter Darbyshire. "Has anyone, anywhere, ever done that before? I would seriously doubt it." Smyth has left the office, so sadly we'll have to work this out ourselves. Anderson's first delivery is a gem, a full inswinger that almost sneaks past Mukund's bat. Gambhir plays an exquisite cover drive to his first ball, and gets four. Jon Trott dived to cut it off, and snagged his finger on the boundary rope. He may have to get a little treatment. It is pretty frantic out there right now. Andreson fields the ball in his followthrough, takes aim and then throws it just past Gambhir's head. He apologises immediately, but Billy Bowden still takes him to one side to have a calming word. 2nd over: India 6-0 (Gambhir 4, Mukund 2) Hallelujah. Chris Tremlett gets the new ball, not Stuart Broad. That said, his first ball is a loosener down the leg side. Mukund, for those who don't know, is 21year-old left-hander from Chennai. He has made a modest start to his Test career out in the West Indies, but has done astonishing things in domestic cricket. Tremlett gets it right with his third ball, which is up at Mukund's armpit. His first ball at Gambhir shoots away off the edge, down towards Pietersen in the gully. 3rd over: India 10-0 (Gambhir 4, Mukund 6) Mukund plays a straight bat at another inswinger from Anderson, knocking it back to the bowler. He knocks the next away square for a couple of runs, a shot he repeats later in the over.

3rd over: India 14-0 (Gambhir 7, Mukund 6) Having said how happy I was to see Tremlett take the new ball, He's bowling pretty poorly right now, with a lot of his deliveries going down the leg side. As Nasser points out, it brings back memories of his performances at Lord's against Sri Lanka a few weeks ago, when he, and Stuart Broad and Steve Finn, had a very wayward sort of first innings. He gets his fourth delivery right though, beating Mukund's inside edge and hitting him on the pad. It was too high to convince umpire Bowden to do anything other than shake his head. 4th over: India 14-0 (Gambhir 7, Mukund 6) Anderson switches to bowl from around the wicket to Gambhir, who leaves most of the over alone because it was all so wide of the stumps. 5th over: India 17-0 (Gambhir 7, Mukund 8) The last over of an enthralling day. And there's time enough for Ben Mimmack to point out that Nathan Astle could well have come close to emulating KP's 16 in an over to bring up his 200 back in Christchurch in 2002. He didn't. Quite. But he did raise his 200 with a six off Matthew Hoggard. Tremlett's penultimate ball prompts a loud lbw appeal from the fielders. Umpire Bowden turns it down on the not unreasonable ground that it pitched outside leg stump. The next delivery is an even better shout and would have won him a wicket if it hadn't been a no-ball. How frustrating. One more dot ball, and that's it for the day. So, that ends one what has undoubtedly been the most entertaining day of cricket this summer. After threeand-a-half hours in this seat I'm spent, so excuse me if I duck straight out without summing up. Smyth,

First Test, day three, Lord's

England v India - as it happened

Stuart Broad's return to form put England in total control of the first Test despite a gorgeous hundred from Rahul Dravid

Rob Smyth (morning and evening sessions) and Simon Burnton (afternoon session) guardian.co.uk, Saturday 23 July 2011 10.21 BST

Preamble Preamble? Preamble?! It's the Saturday of the Lord's Test, the sun is shining, Sachin Tendulkar is on 99 Test hundreds and England are trying to become No1 in the world. There's your preamble! (NB: The nature of this preamble in no way reflects the fact that the writer is late and winging it, nor does its ostensibly peculiar use of one-line paragraphs reflect the fact that, for SEO purposes, all articles must contain at least four paragraphs) Riff thing Cricket films trending on social-networking fiasco Twitter. My offering is the pathetic Cabaret Lindwall. But, as nobody will ever say again, a trend ain't a trend until Mac Millings has been involved in it. So come on Millings, and the rest of you, send in your cricket films.

7th over: India 17-0 (Mukund 8, Gambhir 7) There will be 98 overs today, which with contemporary over-rates means the day's play should end tomorrow. Anyway, here's Jimmy Anderson, and his third ball is a gorgeous, booming outswinger that beats Gambhir. That, you don't need me to tell you, is a very good sign for England. An excellent, accurate maiden to start what could be a cracking day's play. "Please advise if in your opinion Pietersen was out on 49," says Farooq Mirza, inexplicably offering me something resembling respect. "If yes it has made a very big difference." No, I don't. But I wish he had been out because it would have been the moment of the summer had Dhoni taken a wicket. 8th over: India 17-0 (Mukund 8, Gambhir 7) Tremlett, his Popeye forearms bursting out of his shirt, charges in to Mukund. He has three slips, a fifth slip and Ian Bell behind square at short leg. There's a fairly big LBW shout from the fifth ball when Mukund gropes around his front pad at a good inswinger. It was going over the top, however, and Asad Rauf rightly said not out. Another challenging maiden, and early impressions are that England are right on it this morning. They have that look in their eyes. They must take wickets with the new ball, because batting will get much easier as the day progresses. "I'll kick us off with a few obvious ones starring Christian Bails," says Anil Haji. "Umpire of the Sun, Batsman Begins, The Dark Nick Knight." 9th over: India 17-0 (Mukund 8, Gambhir 7) For the first hour or so, India's batting will build their innings on a need-to-play basis. Quite right too. Gambhir is able to leave five consecutive outswingers from Anderson but the last ball is a marvellous lifting outswinger that beats the bat. That was a snorter. "There's something about Murali?" says Jay Hoffman. 10th over: India 19-0 (Mukund 9, Gambhir 8) Mukund pushes Tremlett into the off side for the first run of the morning from the 19th delivery. Gambhir then squirts a single through Trott in the gully. "The stump-back of Notre Dame?" apologises Richard O'Hagan. This is going to deteriorate quickly, isn't it? The only one I can think of is Chungking Forwardpress. I'm sorry. Whose bright idea was this riff? 11th over: India 25-0 (Mukund 12, Gambhir 11) A nice shot from Gambhir, who pushes Anderson down the ground for three. That brings Mukund on strike to Anderson for the first time today, and he is beaten by another storming outswinger. Anderson slips in the surprise inswinger, and Mukund times it nicely down the ground for three more. This is such an important passage of play, because there will times later today when England will be chasing leather. They must take wickets now. "Gone with the Windies," says Gary Naylor. "Bannedrunner, Australian Pie." How about '10 Things I Hate About Yousuf Youhana'? Oh. Let's move on. New riffs please! 12th over: India 31-0 (Mukund 15, Gambhir 12) This has been an impressively purposeful start from both sides. Mukund fends an excellent lifter from Tremlett this far short of Trott in the gully. Tremlett follows up with a full inswinger, and Mukund flashes it urgently through extra cover for three. That's a good response. Later in the over Tremlett knocks Mukund off his feet with a superb short ball that hits him in the grille as he shapes to hook. Mukund even lost his shoe as he fell over, and ran a single while holding his shoe in his left hand. 13th over: India 39-0 (Mukund 23, Gambhir 12) A streaky boundary for Mukund, who chases a very full, very wide delivery from Anderson and edges it right between the men at third and fifth slip. That rough stuff from Tremlett appears to have unsettled Mukund; later in the over he edges an attempted drive not far wide of point. "Neil Fairbrother, Where Art Thou?" says Andi Thomas. "I did this one on Twitter yesterday, but I'm recycling material like a proper comedian." 14th over: India 39-0 (Mukund 23, Gambhir 12) Gambhir pads up on a length to an inswinger from Tremlett, whose resulting LBW appeal is caught in the throat. A maiden. "Good morning Rob," says Kulveer Taggar. "It's Kulveer from San Francisco and it's 3.25am here. I stayed up last night following the game online only to fall asleep frustratingly moments before Dhoni decided to ball. I hope today is as entertaining. I have my Coco Pops to keep me going for a few hours yet." Isn't 3.25am more of a time for kebabs rather than Coco Pops? Some chip shop must sell deep-fried Coco Pops.

15th over: India 44-0 (Mukund 27, Gambhir 12) Stuart Broad is going to replace James Anderson. It'll be interesting to see what length he bowls. Surely he has to be good-to-full in this spell. His length is pretty full in that over, but the line is poor and Mukund is able to flick one of several leg-side deliveries for four. "Fourth by Fourth Test," says Guy Hornsby. "(Viv) Richard(s) III, Room With A Review, Turner and Gooch, Monster's No Ball, Mr and Mrs Robin Smith, Right Arm Medium Fast and Furious." 16th over: India 56-0 (Mukund 36, Gambhir 13) Life is getting a bit easier for the batsmen. Mukund is playing positively and forces Tremlett off the back foot through midwicket for four. Fine shot. The next ball also goes for four, this one flicked extravagantly through square leg. As Sir Ian Botham says on Sky, England should probably bowl fuller to Mukund, who is going back in the crease all the time. Mukund then takes a desperately tight single to Pietersen at mid off, although he would have been home even if Pietersen's underarm throw had hit the stumps. "Surely Coco Pops are too effete to be deep fried?" says Ryan Dunne. "Here in Glasgow, only proper foodstuffs such as sausage, Mars bars, kebabs etc warrant such treatment." Of all the words I thought I might hear used to describe Coco Pops, 'effete' is not one of them. What next: androgynous Frosties? Impudent Weetabix? 17th over: India 60-0 (Mukund 40, Gambhir 13) Mukund is trapped LBW by Broad but England don't appeal. How weird was that? It was a brilliant inswinging yorker that hit Mukund on the toe a fraction before it hit the middle of the bat, but England thought it was bat first and didn't appeal. Had they done so it might have been given not out anyway. Replays showed that had they appealed in the first place, had Billy Bowden given him out, had DRS been available and had at least four hats in the crowd been worn at a jaunty 14-degree angle the original decision would have stood. It hit him on the line of off stump and would have had the outside of off. An excellent second over from Broad ends with a strangled shout for LBW. 18th over: India 63-0 (Mukund 41, Gambhir 15) Anderson has switched ends and will replace Tremlett. With every passing over the feeling grows that this will be a very long day in the field for England, although a lot will depend on whether they can get the ball to reverse. Either way, India's openers have done superbly this morning. "Good morning Rob," says Mark Taylor. "My friend Abigail has never seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Jaws, or Dirty Dancing. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? She is 25 and has nothing wrong with her eyesight. Preposterous. There are other films on her Not Seen list which almost as ludicrous but how is it possible to have gone through life without seeing any of those three?" Isn't leaving certain classic unwatched an essential part of cinephilia? I still haven't seen Police Academy 6, for example. WICKET! India 63-1 (Gambhir b Broad 15) What a beauty from Stuart Broad! That's the length. It was full and swung back through the gate to clatter into middle stump as Gambhir leaned into the drive. It wasn't a great shot, in truth. Shades of Hayden v Hoggard on this ground in 2005. Broad looks lost for a second or two, like he's forgotten what you're supposed to do when one of these wicket things happen. He'll get plenty of practice if he keeps bowling like that. 19th over: India 63-1 (Mukund 41, Dravid 0) "Is it too obvious to have Charlie Shreck starring as, well, Shrek?" says David Horn. "How about Kill Bill Athey? 20th over: India 64-1 (Mukund 42, Dravid 0) Rahul Dravid averages 65 in Tests in England, mainly because of the summer of 2002, when The Wall was at its firmest. He defends carefully against Anderson, and it's a maiden. "I think the e-mail earlier about MO was referring to whether Dravid cleanly took the catch at leg slip as opposed to the Dhoni referral," says Dan Lucas. Ah, I didn't see much of the cricket yesterday so am not sure. Was it out? 21st over: India 69-1 (Mukund 47, Dravid 0) The risk of bowling full, of course, is that occasionally you will be driven for four. Mukund proves the point by push-driving Broad delightfully down the ground. "Don't fret about the runs," says Nasser Hussain on Sky. Mukund flicks another single to move to 47. I like the cut of this kid's jib. "Easy enough for Broad to learn this 'wicket celebration' thing," says Dan Smith. "He just needs to duplicate what he does when he's supposed to be appealing."

22nd over: India 74-1 (Mukund 48, Dravid 4) Dravid gets off the mark from his 14th delivery, leaning into an outswinger from Anderson and square-driving it classily for four. "If I read 'impudent Weetabix' on the first page of a novel, I would continue reading (e.g."Still nursing a grudge over the impudent Weetabix served at the Ambassador's Reception, he reached for the Walther PP, whilst last night's blonde stirred demurely" etc," says Ryan Dunne. "Coco Pops might be ironically cool, but the butchest of cereals are surely Porridge, aforementioned Weetabix or, of course, Shredded Wheat." Oh my, that advert is magnificent." 23rd over: India 74-1 (Mukund 48, Dravid 4) The camera cuts to a chap in the stand with a four bottles of wine and champagne in front of him. "Name 'em David," says Nasser Hussain to David Gower. "Suchand-such is a mid-range champagne" he sniffs, prompting some hearty cackling at the back of the commentary box. Now Gower is discussing the correct technique for holding a champagne glass. Great stuff. In the background Mukund plays out a maiden from Broad, who has a nice rhythm. "They serve Fried Green Coco Pops at the Whistle Stop Cafe," riff-mashes James Blake. 24th over: India 76-1 (Mukund 49, Dravid 5) Anderson hasn't quite been at his best this morning, not that he has bowled badly or anything. Maybe he could have pitched it up a bit more. Two from the over. "Big Trouble in Little Chinaman: The Paul Adams Story," says Ant Pease. "I thank you." Don't mention Chinamen; Bull will come out in a cold one. (Read the comments here.) WICKET! India 77-2 (Mukund b Broad 49) After playing so well, Mukund's inexperience brings him down. He was so keen to get his fifty that he started chasing wide balls; having been beaten by one, he dragged another back onto the stumps. It was really full but there was no need to play, and that's a disappointing end to a spiky, fearless innings. Its also another wicket for Stuart Broad, who switched to around the wicket at the start of the over and was rewarded almost immediately. 25th over: India 81-2 (Dravid 5, Tendulkar 0) Sachin Tendulkar, on 99 international centuries, receives a wonderful ovation as he walks to the wicket. Dravid and Tendulkar, the most productive middle-order partnership of them all. England have a leg gully in place for Tendulkar, but Broad gets carried away and swings the first delivery down the leg side for four byes. "Wasn't there a centre spread photo in the Guardian a couple of weeks back of a fast food stall at a county fair in San Diego that sold deep-fried butter?" says Lord Selvey. "And something called a Coronary Combo?" Madon, look at the state of this. 26th over: India 85-2 (Dravid 9, Tendulkar 0) Dravid, opening the face with soft hands, edges Anderson low through the slips for two. "The Cook, Hanif, Vishy's Wife & Terbrugge," says Mac Millings. I knew Millings wouldn't disappoint. I knew he'd do much, much worse. 27th over: India 91-2 (Dravid 9, Tendulkar 6) Tendulkar gets off the mark with a lovely stroke, easing Broad through extra cover for two. The leg gully has gone now. England can save the short stuff for later, when the ball is older and Tendulkar's eye is in. For now they want to pitch it up, and Tendulkar is beaten by a good one from Broad that moves away off the seam. Broad has figures of 7-2-17-2. Make that 7-2-212, after four overthrows from Pietersen. Broad, you don't need me to tell you, has the face on. 28th over: India 96-2 (Dravid 10, Tendulkar 10) Tremlett is back on in place of Anderson. Tendulkar pushes a defensive stroke into the ground, and for a split second it looks like it might deflect from the pad onto the stumps. It doesn't. Tendulkar waves the next ball thrillingly through the covers for four. He looks in ominously good touch on a ground where, absurdly, he has never made a Test fifty. "I guess," says Chris Brock, "that Gowering Inferno is taking things a little too far?" I think we reached that level a while ago. 29th over: India 100-2 (Dravid 14, Tendulkar 10) Brilliant batting from Dravid, who reaches outside off stump to fizz a full outswinger from Broad through the covers for four. Then he does well to dig out an excellent delivery, fractionally short of yorker length and delivered from wider on the crease. The next ball is very similar and brings a big shout for LBW as Dravid falls over towards off stump. It was swinging comfortably down the leg side, and the excellent Billy Bowden says not out. That was a lovely over. This

has been a belting morning's play, a pleasure to OBO. "I've just worked through my hangover sufficiently to look through the OBO,' winces Jonathan Cousins. "Has no one yet tried Dial M for Murtagh?' 30th over: India 101-2 (Dravid 14, Tendulkar 10) Tendulkar is beaten three times in a brilliant over from Tremlett, which also included a strangled LBW shout when Tendulkar jammed the ball into his pads. "In that Coronary Combo picture," says Mac Millings, "Joseph-Gordon Levitt looks like he really misses Zooey Deschanel." 31st over: India 102-2 (Dravid 15, Tendulkar 10) Andrew Strauss is going to give Jonathan Trott the penultimate over before lunch. It's not a bad move. The ball is swinging, and Sachin Tendulkar used to have all sorts of problems with the not dissimilar Hansie Cronje. No problems in that over, however, which passes without incident. "Hi Rob from sunny Newfoundland, Canada, where I get married at 5.30pm your time, thus missing most of the afternoon and all of the evening session for the preparation and the event itself," says Richard Woods, who just has no bloody commitment to the OBO. "Can it be true that no one has yet mentioned 'The Third Man?' I also offer 'The Seven Year Pitch' for the proposed timeless Test." Arf. Many congratulations; I hope the day goes brilliantly and that you return to find Tendulkar 101 not out and India 220 for nine. 32nd over: India 102-2 (Dravid 15, Tendulkar 10) This has been a fine second spell from Tremlett, and now he beats the groping Dravid with a storming leg-cutter. It's a maiden to finish a cracking session of unyielding Test cricket, in which Stuart Broad rediscovered his length and possibly his mojo. Thanks for your emails; Simon Burnton will be with you for the afternoon session. LUNCH 1.35pm: We'll be back under way in a few minutes. But before we are, it's admission time: I was in Sussex last night, checking out the new hotel attached to the English Wine Centre (I'll be writing up a review for next Saturday's Guardian). Which is why, as the players were taking to the field this morning, I was neither at Lord's nor in the office, eyes fixed on the TV. Instead I was at Polegate station waiting for a train. I made it into the office an hour ago. There you go, my cards are on the table. It was one of those completely packed trains, with people cluttering the doorways and gangways. So my wife and I sat in the totally empty first class bit, and remained there totally undisturbed either by ticket inspector or fellow passenger until we pulled into Victoria. Any guilt I felt about breaking the rules was easily assuaged by the very obvious relative comfort enjoyed by my arse, compared with everyone else's. I think it's important to have a comfortable arse, whenever possible. Sure, there are things I wouldn't do for a train seat I wouldn't kill anyone, lie to anyone or forcefully place anyone on the overhead baggage shelf against their will, but evidently I will ignore a "first-class ticket-holders only" sign. Clearly most people, though, value the rules over the comfort of their arse. So I guess what I'm asking is this: OBO readership, am I a bad person? Should I be feeling guilty? 33rd over: India 110-2 (Dravid 15, Tendulkar 18) Eight runs, but no running: Tendulkar edges Anderson's first delivery away for four, and rolls the fifth delicately, deliciously through square leg. "I'm not sure whether you're a bad person," writes Phil Sawyer, "but given the motley crew that make up the OBO readership I'd say you've probably now got the best first class average." 34th over: India 116-2 (Dravid 15, Tendulkar 22) A leg bye and a harsh no-ball bookend the over, with another delicious Tendulkar boundary in the middle. So far, consensus is that I'm not a bad person (good), but that I don't know Suffolk from Sussex, where the English Wine Centre is genuinely located (bad). I've now updated the original reference, so the only way a future reader of the OBO would know about the mistake is by reading this big paragraph blathering on about it right here.

35th over: India 120-2 (Dravid 19, Tendulkar 22) There's boundary from Anderson's first ball, guided off the face of the bat through third man. Looked fine to me, but Atherton and Botham both thought it suggested imminent doom for the batsman. I'm still accepting cricket films, if you'd like. Shane Harry proffers Bodyline of Evidence and a very creative The Nawab-ending Pataudi. JK Barnes adds the inevitable Saving Ryan Sidebottom. 36th over: India 125-2 (Dravid 19, Tendulkar 27) Yet another boundary through third-man, this time the ball flying low off the edge of Tendulkar's bat. "I think your arse could make itself feel better about itself by thinking of your act as a piece of noble self-sacrifice for the greater good," reassures Robin Hazlehurst. "If the cheap bit of the train was that crowded, then by removing yourself from it you created a bit more space for everyone else, even if only a few square inches per person. Not only that, you were forced to suffer the torment of knowing that you had broken the rules, a terrible torture for an Englishman." It is, though. It really is. 37th over: India 132-2 (Dravid 19, Tendulkar 32) Another early-in-the-over boundary, pushed by Tendulkar through point. He's now five runs away from equalling his all-time best-ever score for his country at Lord's, but it's Dravid's defensive strokes to the last two balls that have the commentary team really purring. "I'm not sure it makes you a bad person exactly but it does set a dangerous precedent," writes Nick Killick. "Imagine if we all thought our arses were above the law, then where would we be? A country governed by arses. Perish the thought." 38th over: India 138-2 (Dravid 24, Tendulkar 32) After another Dravid boundary, 53% of all runs since lunch have come through third man. Mac Millings has sent in the train-related story of the day. If you can beat this, I'd like to know about it. "Many years ago, I was on a train in China during Spring Festival (around Chinese New Year), a time when it seems that everyone in the country is on the move. The train was packed, and, just when you thought no one else could get on, we'd pull in at a station and more people would climb in through the windows, after first handing up baggage and children. It was fun for me until the food poisoning I'd unknowingly contracted eating dodgy train station food kicked in. I struggled over the mass of humanity to the toilet (a little room with a hole open to the tracks below as they chugged past), to find 3 people asleep in it. So I hiked back to my seat (held for me by my wife). As time went by, I kept getting worse. I tried to hold it in, really I did. First, I threw up out of the window. Then I took out my travel-convenient lunch pail, lowered my trousers and, in front of 100s of surprisingly nonchalant fellow passengers, emptied my bowels into it. Wish I'd taken First Class." 39th over: India 150-2 (Dravid 36, Tendulkar 32) Just as people were starting to grumble about his strike rate, Dravid lashes three boundaries off a single Anderson over. 48 runs in seven overs since lunch. 40th over: India 150-2 (Dravid 36, Tendulkar 32) A good over from Tremlett to Tendulkar, and a maiden. Graeme Swann is preparing himself now. And here's Marie Meyer's #cricketfilm collection: Hooray for Collingwood, Collingwoodland, Back to the Future England Captain, Raiders of the Lost Art of Leg Spin Bowling. 41st over: India 151-2 (Dravid 37, Tendulkar 32) One run off the over, pushed through square leg by Dravid. "Nice story from Mac, but it doesn't surprise me," writes Gary Naylor. "He has been treating his keyboard the way he treated that lunch pail for some years." Miaow! 42nd over: India 154-2 (Dravid 38, Tendulkar 34) Tendulkar finally scores a 33rd run (and a 34th), from the final ball of Tremlett's over, but it's not a good shot. He's been very quiet indeed these last five over or so. And this, from Phil Sawyer: "How about that famous documentary by the Coen brothers of the Oval match in 1882, Burn After Losing?" 43rd over: India 158-2 (Dravid 42, Tendulkar 34) Another Dravid boundary, through deep point another lovely stroke. Broad coming on now, from the Nursery End (not the one he got his wickets from).

WICKET! India 158-3 (Tendulkar c Swann b Broad 34) And he's gone! Tendulkar, having looked out of sorts for the last half-hour, edges low to Swann at second slip and his best score at Lord's remains 37. 44th over: India 158-3 (Dravid 42, Laxman 0) A wicket maiden! It took an excellent slip catch to deal with Tendulkar, taken perhaps an inch from the ground, Tendulkar having been bewitched by a little outswing. Excellent stuff, and also: The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless White Flannels, moots Kim Thonger. 45th over: India 158-3 (Dravid 42, Laxman 0) Swann's getting plenty of movement, and Dravid was really struggling there. An excellent over, and England seem invigorated by Tendulkar's departure. 46th over: India 159-3 (Dravid 42, Laxman 0) Two dropped catches! The first is the worst, utterly ludicrous, off the first ball of Broad's over, the ball finding the edge at the top of Laxman's bat and flying straight to Strauss, waist high. He gets it all wrong. Hopelessly wrong. The ball gets nowhere near his palm, bounces off his fingers and falls to the floor. That was straight from the Burnton schoolboy highlights reel, that was. Rubbish. Then the last ball comes off Dravid's bat and flies towards Swann. It's a harder chance, Swann dives and gets there easily, but it's fumbled again. 47th over: India 164-3 (Dravid 46, Laxman 1) The over is largely spent watching close-ups of a basically grieving Broad, though Dravid does get a boundary off the last ball. Time for a drinks break, and another train-related tale. "I was on a train from Moscow to Prague in 2002," writes Martin Burley. "A couple of hours into the journey, the guard came into our compartment, and put two carrier bags on the floor, each containing several bottles of vodka. "Here," he said, and left. We were a bit bemused by this, but all became clear when the customs official came through the train ten minutes later. After they'd been and gone, the guard returned to retrieve his vodka from our compartment, and similar stashes of vodka from every other compartment in the carriage too." 48th over: India 164-3 (Dravid 46, Laxman 1) "Broad has bowled as well as we've seen him by quite some distance," gushes Gower, slightly confusingly. The point is, though, that he's bowling much fuller than he did against Sri Lanka, and he's doing rather well too. Strauss and Pietersen were both replaced for that over, but have returned. 49th over: India 168-3 (Dravid 50, Laxman 1) A very tasty stroke from Dravid sends the ball through long on and brings up his half-century. He's faced 100 balls so far. "In recent memory, has there been an over that feels like it could have turned the entire Test? Strauss misses a sitter, and while Swann's catch was tough, he has made them frequently in the past. Eliminate Laxman and Dravid in the same over, a win is definitely on the cards," writes Scott Woods. "By the way, Strauss pulling the 'injured finger' trick to go to the locker room and scream out some obscenities in private? Is the cricket equivalent of a tennis player playing with the racket strings after putting a volley in the first row, implying its the fault of the racket, taking the focus away from the player's error?" Possibly, but if Strauss's finger was hurt, it wasn't the cause of the fumble but the result of it. 50th over: India 169-3 (Dravid 50, Laxman 1) Just a single leg bye off the over, in which no easy chances were dropped at all. In the previous over Dravid overtook Ricky Ponting as the second-highest run scorer in Test history 12,364 (and counting) to the Australian's 12,363. 51st over: India 169-3 (Dravid 50, Laxman 1) And that was one of those overs of spin bowling that just whoosh by while you check your emails, without any commentator getting sufficiently excited for your eyes to flick back to the television. 52nd over: India 170-3 (Dravid 51, Laxman 1) This is good stuff from Broad and Swann, keeping the pressure on. Another train story, from Gareth Evans. "En route to see Italy v Wales in a World Cup qualifier in San Siro, me and a few boys flew in to Pisa and took a rickety old train up the coast to Milan. We found the only available seats; a small, filthy compartment with just enough room for 4. It was stifling

hot, the windows didn't open and there was nothing to eat or drink. As we sat there sweating and dehydrated the guard came in and intimated in broken English that we couldn't sit here. 'Why?', we asked. 'Wrong tickets', he said, "You're in First Class'." 53rd over: India 176-3 (Dravid 52, Laxman 6) Laxman gets his first boundary, pinged out of the middle of the bat without apparent effort and zipping through extra cover. And another #cricketfilm from Kim Thonger: Bowling John Malkovich. 54th over: India 178-3 (Dravid 53, Laxman 6) Ooooooh! Broad tempts Laxman into throwing his racket at a ball he really should have left alone, but fortunately he narrowly fails to make contact. Ian Botham is sitting directly behind Eric Clapton, the pair of them having obviously shared a beard-trimmer this morning. They could almost be related. Though, thinking about it, you don't really inherit beard length. 55th over: India 178-3 (Dravid 53, Laxman 6) A maiden from Swann, and Tremlett is now taking over from Broad. "A couple of years ago I was on a sleeper train in Scotland, minding my own business in the saloon car (what they call the bar). On the next door table two ageing Scotsmen sat there getting drunker and drunker off a pot of tea," writes George Woods. "After about 2 hours I clocked that they had emptied the teapot and filled it with whisky. I winked at them and was met with a drunk attempt at a sly nod and a slurred answer that it was awful dear to buy the broon water on the train. What geniuses." WICKET! India 182-4 (Laxman c Trott b Tremlett 10) Laxman flicks the ball away off his hip but he catches it too well, and it flies straight to Trott at square fine leg. 56th over: India 182-4 (Dravid 53, Raina 0) Tremlett's first ball is delicious, jagging away from the batsman at the last as Laxman took a swing, but when one sails towards the pads Laxman leans back, rolls his wrists and sends the ball trundling away through square leg. Confidence boosted by that tasty stroke, he's out two balls later. In comes Raina Raina Man? The Mighty Morphin' Power Raina? WICKET! India 183-5 (Raina lbw b Swann 0) Off the first ball of the over India might have had two runs, but Raina turned down the second and thus stayed on strike. Bad move, chum. Next ball, he's out. 57th over: India 183-5 (Dravid 54, Dhoni 0) Fielders at both short leg and silly point for Dhoni, plus a slip. England on the attack. And the #cricketfilms continue to drip in, with our own Mike Selvey suggesting East of Eden Gardens and Lord's of the Rings. 58th over: India 183-5 (Dravid 54, Dhoni 0) Maiden over from Tremlett to Dravid. 'Songs are surely much better than films for Raina puns," opines Ryan Dunne. "It's Raina Men, A Hard Raina's Gonna Fall, I'll Take the Raina." Yes, but we're not doing songs, are we? Are we? 59th over: India 187-5 (Dravid 54, Dhoni 4) Dhoni gets off the mark off his 10th ball, slapped through cover for four. 60th over: India 189-5 (Dravid 55, Dhoni 4) The over starts with yet another no ball. And it ends with a train-related story from Sean Kilgannon: "Having recently broken up with a lady, I found a new friend on the internet, and we agreed to meet up in Shibuya. (I was living in Tokyo at the time). After crossing the famous crossing, the one you always see on TV, we found a restaurant with a happy hour. Lovely, decent food and 300 yen balloons of wine. But happy hour was drawing to a close, and hard up Sean was getting nervous, until he remembered the pub round the corner. Sunday happy hour. Wa-hey!!! (Most impressive was that my new Japanese lady friend was as appreciative of the booze as I was). Anyway, after hours of "bonding" with beer and wine, we decided, at 9pm, that karaoke time had arrived. Settled in our karaoke room, (not love hotel), I perused the songs on offer, while she prepared to order the drinks."What do you want?""A glass of shochu", said I, worried about gout. The next time I looked up, there was a bottle of shochu. Why? "They don't do shochu by the glass."I could have sent it back, or drunk some of it, but instead, decided, this was a challenge. "I only have an hour to drink this bottle!" Yes, I was already pissed.

The next thing I remember is waking up in a cold, quiet place. When I opened my eyes I realised that I was lying on my back on a station platform, surrounded by anxious Japanese people, peering down at me. Not feeling very dignified, I thought I ought to bestir myself, only to hear 'Don't move! Don't move!' from one of the spectators." Crikey! What a cliffhanger! It's like something out of Penelope Pitstop! 61st over: India 193-5 (Dravid 59, Dhoni 4) Dravid's 11th four is lazily swatted through cover, a very classy effort and the only runs from the over. "I'm surprised nobody's mentioned The Magnificent Six yet. Or indeed The Fantastic Four," writes Chris Bourne. 62nd over: India 193-5 (Dravid 59, Dhoni 4) Anderson bowls the final over before tea, and entirely uneventful it is too, until Dhoni nicks the last ball to first slip not much of a chance; it bounced a yard short. Sky use the time to show us some celebrities in the audience. Michael Parkinson! Benedict Cumberbatch! TEA Rob Smyth will be back to look after you in the final session. A really good couple of hours that. Thanks. Hello again. This England team are half decent, aren't they? Something to do during the tea break Watch this catch. And then watch it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and wonder how the hell. 63rd over: India 195-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 60, Dhoni 5) There will be 42 overs in this session, and Graeme Swann begins the first from around the wicket to Rahul Dravid. He works a single to leg, and Dhoni does likewise. "After they'd patched me up at hospital, me unconscious, I woke up, and they told me I could go home," says Sean Kilgannon. "Waking up on Monday, with pains everywhere, and a comedy bandage on my head, I first called in sick, then phoned the hospital. (The number found on the bag of medicine they gave me.). "I'm the foreigner who was brought to your hospital last night. Can you tell me what happened to me?" You fell down at the station. "Fell down what? The steps?" Yes, you fell down the steps. So, lurching around Tokyo, I told everyone I'd fallen down the steps at the station. Until, I went to have the stitches taken out. The doc, who'd trained at the MRI in his youth, and later wanted to discuss yachting in the Mersey estuary, greeted me with a huge smile. Remember, I thought I'd fallen down the steps at Shibuya station. "So", he beamed, "you were hit by a train!" What the !!!!!!!!!!!ck." 64th over: India 196-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 60, Dhoni 5) Stuart Broad starts with a no-ball to Dhoni, who then charges halfway down the wicket before being sent back by Dravid. It doesn't bother Dhoni, whose heart wouldn't skip a beat if you dropped 15 marmots into his bath. The next delivery bothers him though, and brings a huge shout from LBW from Broad. It was full and angled in to hit Dhoni on the pad when he missed a whip to leg. Broad started to celebrate and then realised it might be a good idea to appeal. Asad Rauf said not out, and replays showed he was right to do so; it was going down leg. "I really don't care about others saying that it's the fault of the Future Tours Programme," says Gary Naylor. "Everyone knows that what the BCCI says goes, so that could have been dealt with, Duncan Fletcher has repeated his hubris from 2006-7 by delivering a Test team undercooked into a big series in foreign conditions. Fletcher has (obviously) plenty of good points, but he has blind spots too and the need to play cricket outside the international game is surely one." The general point is a fair one, but didn't he inherit this itinerary? 65th over: India 198-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 61, Dhoni 6) "Alastair Cook, Rashid, Nick Knight and John Lever," says Harry Tuttle. "Four gritty tales from the underworld of English cricket, starring a golden boy on the rise; a flamboyant outsider fighting for acceptance from the establishment; a permanent prospect struggling to realise his potential; and a bowler accused of ball-tampering." 66th over: India 198-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 61, Dhoni 6) No sign of a counter attack yet from Dhoni, who defends a maiden from Broad. He has six from 40 balls.

67th over: India 202-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 64, Dhoni 7) It's been a pretty sedate start to the session. Dravid will just play, of course; he's a master of the dying art of batting time. Swann almost slips a quicker one through him from around the wicket; Dravid reacts smartly to skip to leg and jab the ball away. In other news, has anyone been here? Is it bad? I have to go there this evening. They made me do it. 68th over: India 205-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 65, Dhoni 9) Three from Broad's over. The new ball is due in 12 overs' time, so presumably Swann will bowl through at one end. Not sure how they will juggle it at the other, though. "Re cricket films," begins Gary Naylor, "is there any truth in the rumour that the Australian release of The Ashes 2010-11 DVD was titled Apocalypse Now?" Ho-honk! 69th over: India 211-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 65, Dhoni 15) Pietersen is moved from deep mid on to mid on for Swann so Dhoni slaps the first ball right over his head for two. Then he gets his second boundary with a decisive, fast-handed cover drive. Dhoni looks in the mood for business. 70th over: India 213-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 65, Dhoni 16) Dravid digs out a yorker from Broad, who has figures you'd be happy to take home to meet your Mama: 18-6-33-3. "I notice you've started the follow-on countdown," says Will Jones. "In a frankly absurd need for detail, how do you decide when to start this somewhat over optimistic mathematics? Is it purely on a whim or do you wait for the TMS to start discussing whether Strauss would risk facing Tendulkar again tomorrow?" We have an official Guardian follow-on correspondent, on a rumoured salary of 12 figures, who analyses these things. (Yeah, on a whim, like everyone else in the over-by-ovI HATE CRICKET.) 71st over: India 215-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 66, Dhoni 17) Two from Swann's over. "Interesting 'What's On' section at the Kings Cross Social Club," says Dan Smith. "Nothing. I find their lack of effort quite encouraging." I assumed that was a philosophical statement about my anticipated arrival." 72nd over: India 220-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 71, Dhoni 17) Jonathan Trott is coming on for a few overs before the second new ball. I thought this might happen, which is why I'm now going to go back and amend the entry for the 69th over to make it look like I said this was going to happen. Will Dhoni go for him? No idea yet, but Dravid has just eased him through extra cover for four with stunning timing and placement. Man, what a beautiful shot that was. He bisected short extra cover and mid off perfectly. "Cover Driving Miss Daisy," says Nick Blake. "C'mon Rob, these are class!" Well... 73rd over: India 222-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 72, Dhoni 18) MS Tavare drives Swann for a single. He has 18 from 63 balls. "Late in the day to join the fun (?)," says Chris Langmead, "but can I suggest 'Frost/Nixon' I think our friend Paul would have had some choice replies for Sir David." Any excuse to post this link. 74th over: India 224-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 73, Dhoni 19) Trott gets one to lift a little and hit Dhoni in the facilitators. 75th over: India 226-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 74, Dhoni 20) Dravid flicks another single to leg. "Trott to Dravid is one wall to another!" says Anand. "Considering that the follow on is only 60 runs or so, shouldn't Eng try to bowl their best bowlers although the new ball is due soon?" I don't think England care about the follow on they won't take it even if they have the opportunity. In the context of the game it makes sense to hurry through a few cheap overs and get the new ball as soon as possible. 76th over: India 226-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 74, Dhoni 20) Trott beats Dhoni with a lovely delivery that nips away past the edge. Where did that come from? A maiden. In other news, here's an offering from Dan Lucas: "Millings' Crossing."

77th over: India 228-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 75, Dhoni 21) Swann has now switched, so he is going around the wicket to Dhoni and over the wicket to Dravid. I don't know what else to say. Everyone is just waiting for the second new ball. 78th over: India 230-5 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 75, Dhoni 23) ... and then she told me the injunction was still live! 79th over: India 233-5 (Dravid 77, Dhoni 24) Kevin Pietersen will bowl the penultimate over before the second new ball wakes us all up. His third ball dips and spins sharply off the pitch onto Dhoni's inside edge. "Just to annoy MSD a bit (although I don't think anyone apart from Sreesanth can do it), Prior should take off his pads and bowl an over before the second cherry is due," says Anand. 80th over: India 235-5 (Dravid 78, Dhoni 25) A quiet over from Trott. New ball please! "England are definitely missing a trick here by not going for the jugular," says Shyam Sandilya. "Think India from the end of day one have been looking for a draw and its up to England to force a victory in this Test. If England aren't aggressive and give themselves enough time to bowl India out twice, 2007 will be repeated again with Zak back for the next Tests." 81st over: India 237-5 (Dravid 78, Dhoni 27) James Anderson sizes up the new red cherry. Over his shoulder, a man in the Pavilion is fast asleep on his shoulder. Watch out for that drool spot. Anderson's first over is a slightly rusty affair, with Dhoni steering a couple to third man. 82nd over: India 239-5 (Dravid 79, Dhoni 28) According to Twitter (I know), Amy Winehouse is dead. Blimey. I didn't really notice what was happening in Tremlett's over; not much, I assume, as only two runs was added to the score. 83rd over: India 239-5 (Dravid 79, Dhoni 28) That's the first jaffa with the second new ball, a seductive leg-cutter from Anderson that lured Dhoni into the drive and then zipped past the edge. "That's a good delivery" purrs Michael Holding. A maiden. WICKET! India 240-6 (Dhoni c Swann b Tremlett 28) This is a lovely bit of work from England. It was a fine delivery from Tremlett, a lifting leg cutter that found the edge as Dhoni fiddled outside off stump, and Swann at second slip moved sharply to his left to take an excellent two-handed catch. WICKET! India 241-7 (Harbhajan c Prior b Tremlett 0) Two in three balls for Tremlett! Harbhajan has a feeble, leaden-footed swish at a shortish delivery well wide of off stump, and the ball flies through to Matt Prior. Harbhajan didn't fancy that. The first ball had followed him, and then he went looking for the second. That's a big wicket for England, because Harbhajan is a very dangerous counter-attacker at No8. 84th over: India 241-7 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 80, Kumar 0) "Will Dravid hit four consecutive sixes to avoid the follow-on?" says Anand. If that happens, I really will run down Oxford Street naked. 85th over: India 254-7 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 85, Kumar 4) Dravid opens the face to glide Anderson to third man for four, and then Praveen Kumar plays an hilarious shot, dumping the first ball he faces for Anderson over mid on for four. Anderson looks like he's seen a ghost. Four leg byes make it 13 from the over. "I notice you stopped the follow-on countdown in the 79th over, Rob," says Phil Sawyer. "Two wickets later, was that a clever piece of psychological jinxing on your part or did you just get bored of counting?" It wasn't even a countdown I just had the overall target of 275. But yeah, cutting and pasting can be an exhausting business. I needed a break. 86th over: India 264-7 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 91, Kumar 8) Kumar is in feisty mood and slaps Tremlett's short ball over mid off for three. Then Dravid moves into the nineties with a wonderful

on-drive. India are racing towards the follow-on target, although I don't know that England would have enforce it anyway. I think they should enforce it if they get the chance, mind. "I'm not one to cause some Vietnam style flashbacks by mention of Ad-----e," says Ryan Dunne, "but don't you have OBO previous in promising naked runs if a particular event happens and then not following through?" I sacrificed my reputation as an honest man in the name of the greater good. 87th over: India 272-7 (need 275 to avoid the follow-on; Dravid 92, Kumar 15) Kumar misses a violent slap at Anderson, and then clatters the next delivery over mid on for two. This is great fun; he's playing a shot a ball. Later in the over he rolls the wrists like Azharuddin in his pomp to flip an outswinger over backward square leg for four. That was a magnificent stroke! "Call me stupid," says Joseph Matthes, "but I don't quite understand why the draw on this Test is such an odds-on favourite result? The weather looks clear for the next two days." The Lord's pitch tends not to deteriorate, and it's really hard to force victory on the last day. I wouldn't have the draw as odds-on favourite, but I would have it as favourite. 88th over: India 274-7 (Dravid 93, Kumar 16) Tremlett restores order with an accurate over to Dravid. India need one more to avoid the follow on. WICKET! India 276-8 (Kumar c Strauss b Broad 17) Kumar's jaunty cameo of 17 from 13 balls comes to an end. Broad replaced Anderson and rammed in a very sharp short ball that Kumar could only glove up in the air. Strauss ran round from slip to take a comfortable catch. 89th over: India 276-8 (Dravid 94, Zaheer 0) "Are you still taking train stories Rob?" asks Patrick Curry. "I was travelling in Italy with a mate. Bought tickets, caught train. Didn't realise you had to validate tickets on train platform before boarding. Clearly an honest mistake. Ticket inspector charges 100 euros penalty fine each to be paid at destination, reduced to 50 each if pay in cash on the spot. Despite protestations he insists (in front of entire onlooking carriage) that we pay up. Got to Rome and disembarked to see him smirking and counting cash with his inspector cronies. Clearly a common ruse. The bastard." On that subject, this is a terrific book. The story at the end of the review is quite amusing, although I can't found the full version with Matthew Engel's perfect pay-off. 90th over: India 283-8 (Dravid 100, Zaheer 0) Dravid moves from 94 to 98 with an exquisite back-foot cover-drive off Tremlett. And there's his hundred! He times Tremlett through midwicket for two to reach his 33rd Test century and his first at Lord's, 15 years after he was out for 95 here on his Test debut. In a perverse reversal of basic DIY principles, The Wall is on the Honours Board. He raises his right hand and then repeats Kevin Pietersen's celebration with an underarm punch of the air. It's a spine-tingling moment, and so richly deserved by one of the true gentlemen of sport, never mind cricket. He has played quite beautifully. 91st over: India 283-8 (Dravid 100, Zaheer 0) A maiden from Broad to Zaheer. What an innings this has been from Rahul Dravid. WICKET! India 284-9 (Zaheer b Anderson 0) Zaheer is bowled neck and crop by a majestic outswinger from Anderson that pitches middle and hits middle-and-off. A ball like that is wasted on a No10. 92nd over: India 284-9 (Dravid 101, Sharma 0) If England score at around four an over tomorrow, they should be able to set India something like 440 in 120 overs. That's a long time to survive, even at Lord's, if the ball is swinging. 93rd over: India 284-9 (Dravid 101, Sharma 0) Dravid turns down a single from the third ball of Broad's over. He can't get one later in the over, so Anderson will get to bowl at Ishant Sharma. 94th over: India 284-9 (Dravid 101, Sharma 0) Sharma survives Anderson's over. "I must confess to a dose of man-love for Dravid," says Phil Sawyer. "Yes, maybe he's sometimes eclipsed by the other Indian superstars, but he just looks so damn noble. He looks like he's the one who would take control if, say, your

plane crashed in the jungle. And you'd follow him, believing every word he said that you'd all get through it." The phrase 'class act' could have been invented for Dravid. He's an almost flawless human being, which is quite an achievement given that he's a) human and b) a sportsman. You'd have to be a desperately gormless Englishman not to be utterly thrilled for him. 95th over: India 286-9 (Dravid 103, Sharma 0) Dravid works Broad through midwicket for two. As Nasser Hussain says on Sky, he's not exactly Mike Hussey when it comes to batting with No11. He's so elegant that you almost don't want him to start slogging; it'd be like seeing Cate Blanchett in hotpants. WICKET! India 286 (Sharma c Prior b Anderson 0) Ishant Sharma edges Anderson to the keeper, so England have a mighty lead of 188 as reward for a seriously good bowling performance. Rahul Dravid walks off to a standing ovation after a divine unbeaten 103. You wouldn't believe how classy an innings that was. England will be back out in a few minutes, with play going on until 7pm. INNINGS BREAK 1st over: England 1-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 0) Zaheer Khan is not on the field, as expected, so Praveen Kumar takes the first over. It's a quiet first over to Strauss, who is content to leave everything outside off stump. "How I wish Sehwag was playing this game," says Anand. "Would have pushed England's declaration thoughts further. Would be a mouthwatering prospect if India had to chase 350 on the last day." The first Test of 2008-09, when India chased 387 at a canter, will certainly be on England's mind. There is absolutely no chance of an 'open' declaration, nor should there be in this particular situation. 2nd over: England 1-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 0) Ishant Sharma has a risible LBW appeal turned down by Billy Bowden when his first ball hits Alastair Cook on the pad. It pitched miles outside leg stump. Cook is then beaten by a storming lifter, angled across him from over the wicket. 3rd over: England 3-0 (Strauss 2, Cook 0) Strauss gets the first off the bat with a clip through midwicket for two. "Amy Winehouse joins the 27 Club then," says Lord Selvey, "which includes Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and a whole heap of other musicians." Crikey, look at the list. 4th over: England 4-0 (Strauss 2, Cook 0) England are batting for the close, not playing any attacking strokes at all. That's fair enough really. 5th over: England 5-0 (Strauss 3, Cook 0) That's the end of a cracking day's play, defined by the performances of Rahul Dravid and Stuart Broad. England lead by 193 and will hope to declare sometime after tea tomorrow. Night.

First Test, day four, Lord's

England v India - day four as it happened

Matt Prior's superb century put England in charge, but they still need nine wickets on the fifth day

Andy Bull (morning and evening session) and Rob Smyth (afternoon session) guardian.co.uk, Sunday 24 July 2011 10.18 BST

Morning everyone. What a strange and sad weekend it's been. It almost feels a little sinful to be thinking about something as frivolous as Test Match today, but so it goes. This match is so engrossing that I suppose as the day wears on, those thoughts will disappear. The first thing to consider is that, according to some snap reports, Sachin Tendulkar has come down with a viral infection and is 'resting'. I wonder what the odds are on his scoring that 100th century to save the match in the fourth innings? He's expected to field later on, so I'm not sure just how serious it is. In other injury news, Chris Tremlett says that he's "got a little bit of pain in his hamstring behind his knee". It's a little bit of a concern, but he insists it is nothing too troublesome. It's hard to overstate just how impressive England have been in this match, their performance blemished only by those two dropped catches yesterday. So far they've been ruthlessly, relentlessly aggressive. It's going to be interesting to see how they play today. How long will they bat for? What kind of target will they set? How much time will they leave themselves? There's a lot of fat to chew over. Mike Selvey was in good form yesterday. Here's what he had to say on the day's play: "For a time now, Broad has exceeded his brief. Top of off stump is the England mantra: all too often, top of the head has been Broad's dictum, a tattoo beaten out on the middle of the pitch. So exasperated by this insubordination had the England management been that he had been told his fortune and it was the closest run thing whether he, or the redoubtable Tim Bresnan, made the cut in this game. Faith was shown in Broad and now repayment was due. Any more nonsense and he would be out, no messing." The Indians are out on the field, in a huddle. The batsmen spring past them, practising their drives as they make their way to the middle. They have a lead of 193. How many do you think they'll want to add to that? Another 250 or so I suppose. Sachin, by the way, has not taken the field. Neither has Zaheer, so I suppose the management's suggestion that he would bowl in the second innings was just so much bunk. 6th over: England 6-0 (Strauss 4, Cook 0) Ishant opens the day's play with a series of deliveries that skid past the outside edge of Strauss' bat. "Good morning to you too, Andy," says a cheery John Starbuck, as Strauss sneaks a quick single. "Will the OBO be displaying a legend 'Lead by xxx runs' today? It will help focus minds on when the declaration will come, said he, tempting Fate." Whisper it, John, but I'm a little worse for wear today. Maybe, like Sachin, I could put it down to a "viral infection". The up-shot is I've no desire to be doing the extra arithmetic that would unnecessarily add to my day's work. So no. You'll have to do the sums yourself. 7th over: England 16-0 (Strauss 14, Cook 0) And at the Pavilion End Praveen Kumar will start from around the wicket. Strauss, like Pietersen in the first innings, is taking a guard outside of his crease to try and counter the swing. If Dhoni was a better 'keeper he could stand up to the stumps and stop the batsmen doing that. As it is, after Strauss flicks four to fine leg, Kumar bangs in a short ball to try and force the batsman back in his box. But Strauss simply wallops the delivery away for four through mid-wicket. Plenty of swing in this over then, but it's all from the bat, not the ball. 8th over: England 18-0 (Strauss 15, Cook 1) "Forgive the cricket-related natter," says Eamonn Maloney. "But there's a few premature whispers likening this England side to the great Australian sides. For that to be justified they have to show they have the cajones to keep attacking while they're on top. England need to be aggressive and score quickly to give themselves enough time to bowl India out - not sure they're at that level of ruthlessness yet." That is what is going to make these two sessions so intriguing. I hope England don't just amble along till tea time. And I don't think they will, if the timing of their declaration in the first innings is anything to go by. In times past they would have batted through till they were either all out or the lead was up around 550. 9th over: England 22-0 (Strauss 19, Cook 1) Praveen has switched back to bowling over the wicket, and he looks a lot more threatening for it. He slips his second ball just past Strauss' outside edge. But the trouble for Praveen is that when he bowls from this angle his follow-through takes him right down the

middle of the wicket. As Atherton and Iron Bottom point out, England's batsmen aren't going to be too bothered about that given the help it will offer Graeme Swann later in the match. But the umpires might take a different view. Four more for Strauss, whipped off his pads and away square through the leg side. 10th over: England 22-0 (Strauss 19, Cook 1) A missive from Mike Selvey: "If Stuart Broad has the best bouncer in world cricket, then I have always laid claim to having had the worst. I only bowled it rarely, then only to try and fool Brearley into thinking I was aggressive, and only to batsmen I knew would duck. But I have been usurped by Praveen Kumar, whose bouncer makes mine look like Colin Croft." Heh heh. Selve adds: "And by the way, Simon Hopkinson's cookery programme is absolutely brilliant. Just wanted to share that." I have a battered, torn and stained copy of his Roast Chicken and Other Stories at home, so I'm looking forward to watching that. By the way the reason I'm feeling as flat and lifeless as a Kumar bouncer today is that I spent yesterday with getting a long lesson in the art of Chicago south side style barbecue from a friend of mine, an education which involved a little time setting up a smoker in the back garden and preparing a dry rub for the spare ribs, and then an awful lot of time sitting around sipping long drinks and shooting the breeze while the meat cooked. WICKET! Cook 1 c Dhoni b Kumar (England 23-1) That's a lovely ball from Kumar, short enough to have Cook playing on the backfoot, and moving just enough to catch the edge of his bat. 12th over: England 23-1 (Strauss 20, Trott 0) "You get them as an opening batsman," intones Athers drolly, with the air of a man who knows the truth of those words all too well. "Alastair Cook didn't do anything wrong, it was just a good delivery." As is this one from Ishant, bouncing a little higher and nipping back in the air as it does so. It beats Strauss' bat and bangs in to his arm. It's another maiden. Here's Scott Poynting: "I agree with my fellow-countryman Eamonn Maloney (8th over) except that cajones are big boxes. English cricketers (sorry to return to the topic) might need big boxes for their cojones, but possibly only the South African ones." 13th over: England 24-1 (Strauss 20, Trott 1) "Don't be shy Andy, I'd have thought the vast majority of the OBO are a little worse for wear this morning," empathises Guy Hornsby. "I've definitely got a 'bit of a virus'. Millings probably something a little more permanent. This is going to be a cracker, and the OBO is going to be the backbone of my sport/multimedia frenzy alongside the Tour & GP. F5 will be broken by 3pm." So will I, Hornsby, so will I. Trott is also standing outside his crease. The word has obviously been passed around the dressing room that this is the thing to do. He glances a single away square for his first runs of the morning. 14th over: England 25-1 (Strauss 20, Trott 2) Trott pushes a single out to extra cover. Bumble is speculating that Sachin Tendulkar isn't even at the ground, though the Indian team are insisting he will be fielding later on. We shall see. Here's David Hopps with the latest. Because of the nature of his illness he might have to move down the order if he does bat in the second innings, which could be intriguing. "Why do we have to resort to the confusion cause by foreign words anyway when bollocks, orchestras, niagaras, alberts, nuts or indeed balls would do perfectly adequately in the first place?" points out Mike Selvey. And it's true. The English language is so richly equipped for synonyms for swingers that it does seem a shame to stray so far away from our own slang. 15th over: England 26-1 (Strauss 22, Trott 3) An lbw appeal from Kumar. Umpire Rauf slowly shakes his head. It looked close, but Rauf was right, it was just sneaking down the leg side. 16th over: England 34-1 (Strauss 23, Trott 7) Ishant sends down another short ball, but Trott is all over it. He cracks it away through square leg for four. "It's an amazing testament to India's batting strength that the draw is still the favourite," reckons Dan Lucas. "And arguably even strong favourite in this game. England have done next to nothing wrong and, two drops aside, played a nye-on perfect Test given the conditions; yet still you wouldn't put money on them bowling this Indian line-up out a second time around in time to win the test, regardless of how many or how quickly they score today. All of the bowlers are in

good form, but you feel it would take a Warne, McGrath or Ambrose (not Tim) in the side to get through India." I'm not so sure about that. I think England will win from here. 17th over: England 34-1 (Strauss 25, Trott 11) A request from a reader: "Would any of the OBO's cosmopolitan and urbane readers know of somewhere in Toronto where I could watch the cricket?" asks Dr Jim MacPherson.I'm not sure how big our pool of "cosmopolitan and urbane readers" is Jim, but anyway: "I'm here researching a book and the thought of doing yet more work on a Sunday while a Test match is going on feels somehow unnatural. Any suggestions gratefully received, especially if it's a pub with good beer - a pint of Muskoka would go down a treat just now, although I'm sure you don't want to hear that, given your delicate state this morning." Little help anyone? Trott pushes three runs down the ground to long-on. 18th over: England 44-1 (Strauss 25, Trott 11) The first bowling change brings Harbhajan Singh into the attack. He has a single slip and a leg gully. "Admittedly I wrote that last e-mail before I realised Zaheer still wasn't on the field and the rumours that Sachin wasn't even at the ground," says Dan Lucas, returning to the topic of which way this match is going. "England's intent seems refreshingly positive here - see the good running - but the unpredictable weather and flattening pitch might count against them. Still, would it be considered something of a Pyrrhic victory against a side shorn of Sehwag, Zaheer and possibly Sachin?" Nope. When you're playing the No1 team in the world there's no such thing as a Pyrrhic victory. 19th over: England 50-1 (Strauss 30, Trott 14) Strauss cuts four runs through Ishant Sharma's legs. That's an embarrassingly geriatric piece of fielding. He stands up with a sheepish grin on his face and shakes his head. Moments later, in the starkest possible contrast to that shambolic effort, Suresh Raina throws down the stumps as Trott takes a quick single. Biilly Bowden sends it up to the third umpire for review and it turns out that he was in, just, the toe of his bat crossed the line a split second before the ball broke the wicket. 20th over: England 53-1 (Strauss 32, Trott 15) "Sorry to be a pedant," is always an ominous phrase to see at the start of an email, but in this case Peter O'Laranon is correcting someone else other than me, so I'm happy to excuse his fastidiousness: "but: "A Pyrrhic victory (/prk/) is a victory with devastating cost to the victor; it carries the implication that another such victory will ultimately cause defeat. I think Dan means a hollow victory?" Strauss tries a sweep but makes a bit of a mess of it and ends up chopping the ball into the ground. It bounces up and over his stumps and runs away towards fine leg. Bhajji can't believe his bad luck. 21st over: England 53-1 (Strauss 31, Trott 15) "In response to Dr. Jim looking for a place to catch cricket in Toronto, he should try to go to the Toronto skating and curling club where Ind and Pak played 5 match ODI series for a few years before they decided not to play there anymore," suggests Anandkumar. The Toronto skating and curling club? Was that the scene of Inzamam's frenzied assault on the spectator who had been jeering him with endless cries of "you fat potato!" A maiden from Kumar, who strings together a series of six away-swingers outside Trott's off-stump. 22nd over: England 53-1 (Strauss 32, Trott 15) Sharma is back on now, and he gets through another cheap over. The run rate is below three at the moment, which is far from ideal. "I don't read the OBO to learn things, Peter O'Laranon," points out Dan Lucas. Well, skip this paragraph then Dan. Rob and I have just been talking about the Chennai Test in 2008, when England declared with a lead of 387 and ended up losing by six wickets. Look at the details of Sehwag's knock in the fourth innings there, 83 off 68. Preposterous. WICKET! Strauss 32 lbw Harbhajan (England 54-2) Another dodgy sweep shot from Strauss, and this time it has done for him. The ball broke back past the bat from around the wicket and hit him flush on the front pad. That's an excellent decision by umpire Rauf, and Bhajji has a wicket at last. Pietersen is the new man in, and he skips down the pitch and pokes awkwardly at his first ball, popping it down towards slip. "The Queen and Beaver in downtown Toronto might be worth a try," says Dr Simon Ward. "They were

showing English football last time I was there. Civilized atmosphere, if you can stand the MUFC memorabilia." WICKET! Pietersen 1 c Dhoni b Sharma (England 55-3) That's a brute of a ball, bouncing up from back of a length and slipping through behind off Pietersen's glove. He was lunging forward, walking into the ball, then tried to sway away as he realised that the trajectory was too steep for him to play from that position. Well, well. Two wickets in four balls, Ian Bell is in and England's lead is 243. WICKET! Bell 0 c Dhoni b Sharma (England 55-4) My word. Now Bell has gone. Brilliant bowling from Ishant, who has removed both of England's best batsmen in the space of a single maiden over. What a satisfyingly symmetrical over this will be on the scorecards, reading W....W. Well. What now? Another quick wicket and all of a sudden England are going to be in real danger of losing this game. What an unexpected twist in the tale. 25th over: England 55-4 (Trott 15, Morgan 0) "OK, panicking, panicking!" cries Harry Tuttle. I was about to try and reassure you, Harry, and then Bhajji broke a ball back from outside off into Trott's front pad, rousing a loud and long lbw appeal from the fielders. I'll admit that as the camera cut to a close up of umpire Rauf my heart fluttered a touch. 26th over: England 57-4 (Trott 17, Morgan 0) That's a wonderful sight for any worried English fans. In the thick of the fight, Trott edges a delivery from Sharma just short of slip. And then he breaks into a big, broad grin. He loves this stuff. The man is a masochist. I reckon he's enjoying himself more now than he was ten minutes ago when all England had to do was rattle up the runs. "Better get this e-mail in quick before another one goes down," says Dan Lucas. "But this innings could be the making of Eoin Morgan: can he get England out of the sticky stuff and prove he has the mettle for difficult test batting, or will he just join a procession of wickets? I have to admit I'm erring towards the latter." Will Dhoni bring Kumar back on to bowl at him? You'd think so. 27th over: England 62-4 (Trott 22, Morgan 0) A top shot from Trott - a square drive that skims across the turf to the cover boundary. "Bloody hell," says Guy Hornsby. "I don't think I need to say much more than that really. Game on. Sod the coffee, where's that Shiraz?" Just reading that word was enough to turn my stomach over in somersaults. 28th over: England 62-4 (Trott 22, Morgan 0) The lead is now up to 250. Never mind the state of the match. What kind of condition are the Guardian's crack team in? Here's David Hopps with an update: "Having calmed India's fears on the state of Sachin Tendulkar's health, I have been checking out other momentous matters. It appears that one of the lifts to the media centre has been given a name by the girl who stands at the entrance to it to check accreditation. This is the coldest and windiest spot in Lord's so it is understandable that she has to resort to such fripperies to keep up her spirits. The lift has been named Calais, presumably because it takes about as long to get to its destination as a trip through the Channel Tunnel. For those of you kindly requesting information on the state of health of Guardian writers, and whether we are also bravely battling ailments during this momentous Test, Mike Selvey reports that he "still has hay fever but should be fit to write later" and Vic Marks suggests, after much contemplation: "I'm glad you asked. I am a little weary and have a touch of indigestion." This being Sunday morning, Smyth will probably have a hangover [that's slander, Hopps] And my knee is hurting and I have an appointment with a consultant on Monday evening. I think that brings you up to date." WICKET! Trott 22 b Sharma (England 62-5) Oh my. Oh my. OK, you can start panicking now. That was an absolute jaffa, ripping back off the pitch and slipping through the gate between bat and pad to hit the top of off stump. Boy this kid can bowl. He is in the middle of a sensational spell. He has taken three wickets for one run in his last 16 balls, and, unsurprisingly enough, the Indian fans in the crowd are going crazy. Game on.

28th over: England 64-5 (Morgan 1, Prior 0) What a match this is turning into. Morgan finally gets off the mark by patting a single out to the leg side off Harbahajan. "Oh dear. I'm having flashbacks to Ad*laide," says Keith Allman, "Suddenly the talk about possibly declaring with a lead of 6000 as and when we felt like it seems a tad premature. At least it's a chance to see what Morgan is really made of (I might as well say that before he has his stumps mashed in about three minutes)." 29th over: England 64-5 (Morgan 1, Prior 1) "There is no cause for alarm," insists Tony Mason. "If we are rolled for 'only' a lead of 300 we are firm favourites on a 4th innings pitch, and 350 makes it all but certain. And if India did pull off a miracle we will have seen one of the all-time great Tests so as fans we can't lose either way." There's truth in that, Tony, but I think "miracle" is pushing it too far, even shorn of Sehwag, this is one of the greatest batting line-ups ever assembled. 30th over: England 67-5 (Morgan 3, Prior 2) Morgan steers two runs down to third man. Sharma is having a little trouble readjusting his line to bowl at the left-hander. "Can't but help notice there's a superfluous 'Sunday' in Hopps' description of Smyth's medical state," points out Chris Brock. "Presume a typo." 31st over: England 72-5 (Morgan 5, Prior 5) Praveen Kumar comes back on for an over before lunch. Prior tries to leave a ball alone and ends up squirting it along the turf through to slip. Prior threads three down to third man, and that, ladies and gents, takes us into lunch. What a fascinating session. I'm going to go and put myself in the recovery position for 30 minutes or so. But Rob Smyth will be here soon enough to guide you through the afternoon. Send him your emails at rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk. LUNCH Hello. How are the hairs on the back of the neck? That was a stonking session of Test cricket in a match that, impossibly, is exceeding the hype. My head's too dizzy with all the permutations and subplots to construct a proper preamble, so I'm going to be play tippy-tappy and see what happens. 1. The lovely thing about this England team is that they won't go into their shells here. Quite the opposite, in fact. England have never had a more attacking lower-middle order, and it is in match situations like these that they really earn their corn by counter-attacking and snapping the initiative back whence it came. Matt Prior did that wonderfully in a very similar match situation against Pakistan last year. 2. India easily chased 387 to beat England in 2008. They were Sehwag-propelled that time, but even without him it will be in the mind of both teams. India's middle order can break the will of a bowling attack very quickly, as they did in that chase. I don't think England will feel completely at peace unless they have a lead of over 450. 3. Ishant Sharma had been widely compared to Glenn McGrath, so it's only fair he shreds England at Lord's. 4. Some people actually prefer Twenty 20 to Test cricket! 5. If Eoin Morgan gets a hundred today I may cry. 6. I knew I recognised Ishant Sharma from somewhere. 32nd over: England 76-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 6, Prior 8) Suresh Raina is going to bowl the first over after lunch. What's that about? They must have some sort of plan, and he bowls around the wicket to Prior, who is beaten by a quicker ball slanted across him. "There hasn't looked like much swing here today and I reckon that second time around England seamers will have to pull their length back a little," says Mike Selvey. "Judging by the variable bounce that Ishant was getting it may be that Tremlett

will be the man. Good stuff though and a tester for Morgan now. England still favourite." It's a huge innings for Morgan, this. 33rd over: England 78-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 7, Prior 9) It's Harbhajan from the other end. Dhoni might be missing a trick here; Morgan in particular will be happy to face spin rather than seam. I'd have started with Kumar and Sharma. Saying which, Morgan is very lucky when a big leading edge loops up and lands right between the men at short extra cover and mid off. Placement is one of Morgan's great strength; even his false strokes are perfectly placed."One of the joys of good test cricket is that it feels like every session is the crucial one," says Steve Churnin. "But surely, this session especially the next hour will more or less decide the game? Because if Prior and Morgan stay at the crease for an hour, the game's gone from India, isn't it?" I wouldn't quite go that far. A lead of around 350 should be enough, but you can never be certain against this batting line-up. 34th over: England 81-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 7, Prior 12) Ah, the point of that Raina over was to allow Kumar to change ends. Prior has a windy woof outside off stump and is beaten. Then a misfield at midwicket from the substitute Yuvraj gives Prior three runs. He tends to counter attack from the start; Morgan will probably take another half hour or so to get his eye in. "I'd advise your doctor reader that he is probably out of luck for pubs showing cricket in Toronto, particularly downtown. Toronto is many things, but it is certainly not a cricket-watching paradise," says Michael Plevin. "When I lived there I had to worm my way into York Cricket Club in order to find people who were willing to supply me with satellite TV feeds and cold beers (always Heineken, though). I've since opted for a sterner challenge by moving to France. Incidentally, if any of these Toronto cricket lovers fancy a game they could do a lot worse than looking up York CC." 35th over: England 89-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 13, Prior 14) Morgan plays about eight different strokes to the same Harbhajan delivery, eventually settling for a classy scoop to fine leg for three. Another misfield later in the over gives him three more. India have started this session very shoddily. They have let England come out from behind the sofa. "I am not taking any responsibility for this mess," writes Duncan Smith, "but this morning I was thinking about how different watching England used to be. There was always a tension awaiting a collapse which made holding out so much sweeter. I was thinking that metronomically winning is probably less preferable. Suffice to say I am unsure about now." 36th over: England 89-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 13, Prior 14) Kumar, bowling around the wicket, tries to lure Morgan into the corridor of uncertainty. Morgan is having none of it, so it's a maiden. In other news, Sachin Tendulkar is on his way to the ground. "I was going to write that the scene with BOB approaching the camera to menace Maddy is one of the most disturbing scenes in the entire Twin Peaks series," says Ed Packard, "but of course it is immediately surpassed by this monstrosity." 37th over: England 94-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 17, Prior 14) Harbhajan has a big shout for LBW when Prior misses a sweep, but he was a fraction outside the line and the excellent Asad Rauf says not out. The standard of umpiring in world cricket has surely never been higher. The top four or five are staggeringly good. From the last ball of the over, Morgan skids back in his crease and flashes an excellent cut to third man for four. Ball by ball, the momentum is shifting back towards England. 38th over: England 97-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 17, Prior 17) Prior has scooted to 17 from 24 balls, wresting back the initiative with every stroke. What a gem he has become, surely the best Tes batsman-wicketkeeper in the world. 39th over: England 98-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 17, Prior 17) A bit of a let off for Morgan, who inside edges Harbhajan short of the man at short leg. England's lead is up to 286. "Just been looking at the Knotty catch on the Joy of Six," says Mike Selvey. "He was an absolute genius. I'm sure he would have got in sides today though, because that average belies what a genius he was with the bat too. Look up Bangalore 1976-77. He played one of the most remarkable innings I have ever seen by anyone, on a minefield. Once, in a Middlesex v Kent game, with Edmonds and Emburey bowling on a turner, we

challenged him to sweep every ball and for half a dozen overs he did. Every one." Brilliant. He sounds like an astonishing talent. Has anyone written as biography of him? Do you reckon he would get a game over Prior? Obviously he should, brilliant though Prior is, but would most coaches just not look at an average of 44 against an average of 33? I suppose you could argue that if Knott was around today, with the mindset keepers have about their batting, he might well average over 40. 40th over: England 99-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 17, Prior 19) All the pre-lunch tension has gone out of the game. The crowd are quiet and the batsman look pretty comfortable. "I'm with you on the current umpires, but who gets the most man love?" asks Tom Hopkins. "Rauf or Dar?" Oh, Aleem Dar definitely. He gets decisions wrong about as often as Alan Knott dropped catches. 41st over: England 104-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 19, Prior 22) Five singles in Harbhajan's over. This has been a cool and classy response from England. And this is a magnificent email from Hoppsy, steaming in from somewhere near the sightscreen. "I have just popped out of the media centre to check if there is an update on Sachin's health pinned to the Grace Gates for the general populace. It appears not. But if he doesn't come back on by the mid-afternoon drinks break then that would prevent him batting until at least 6pm tonight, or unless India were five down. For India, Sachin's absence is becoming more serious with every over. It has been hard to walk around Lord's in the past four days without being pestered by reps from npower who seem to think that sponsoring English cricket allows them to walk into the crowd asking spectators what energy companies they use. It would be interesting to know whether such tacky selling methods are officially endorsed by the ECB, or whether the reps are actually meant to stay in the confines of their booth on the Nursery ground, in which case either the ECB or MCC should order them to act with a bit of decorum. It's irritating enough that foreign-owned energy companies have raised prices by about 15 per cent in the UK, whilst prices have been capped at much lower levels in the rest of Europe, without having some fawning fool undermining the enjoyment of thousands of spectators trying to enjoy a day off." 42nd over: England 105-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 19, Prior 23) Ishant Sharma comes back into the attack. This might be India's last chance. His first over is pretty quiet, with Prior flicking a single behind square on the leg side. "India have to find a way to get Prior out cheaply," says Anand. "He is going to be the guy who might change the course of the game. Maybe they should tell him that he is playing an ODI." 43rd over: England 107-5 (led by 188 on the first innings; Morgan 19, Prior 25) Harbhajan gets very excited when Dhoni fails to take the ball down the leg side, and I think there was the thinnest of edges from Prior. It was an extremely tough chance, mind. "Knotty was a genius batsman in his own right anyway, but one of the minor advantages he enjoyed was a lot of innings with Tony Greig," says John Starbuck. "The tall-short combination may not be as awkward for bowlers as the left-right handed ones, but it does make a difference in getting the right length." Very true. Imagine bowling to Will Jefferson and James Taylor. Look at the state of this picture! WICKET! England 107-6 (Morgan c Gambhir b Sharma 19) Morgan is caught at midwicket by the diving Gambhir, but he is hanging around so we may have another controversy. Morgan was cramped for room and beaten for pace by an excellent short ball from Sharma. He tried to pull but could only clunk it towards midwicket, where Gambhir took a fine low catch diving forward. It has gone to the third umpire, but it looks absolutely fine. Yep, Morgan is gone. Blimey, a low catch has been referred and the batsman has been given out. It was definitely the right decision. 44th over: England 108-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 25, Broad 1) The new batsman Stuart Broad avoids a king pair, and then the bog-standard pair with a sharp single to mid off. "I think averages are a different currency now," says Selve of Alan Knott. "If he played today it would be significantly higher. Dropped catches though. Oval, 1976, second over of the match, Roy Fredericks. Off me. Bastard."

45th over: England 110-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 25, Broad 3) Harbhajan spits a beauty past Broad's outside edge. Praveen Kumar has a bit of a problem with his shoulder, so India could be down to two bowlers. He's still on the field at the moment. Between overs he was subject to the most aggressive physiotherapy I've seen since the Welsh doctor in the Fast Show. It was bizarre, he was treating Kumar's shoulder like a piece of Play-Doh. 46th over: England 118-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 30, Broad 6) Prior leans into a wider delivery from Sharma and feathers it beautifully through the covers for four. That takes England's lead past 300. The lovely thing about this Prior innings is that it is panning out exactly as expected. We have complete faith in him to deliver under pressure. Drinks break Emails please! 47th over: England 120-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 31, Broad 7) Prior pushes a curving delivery from Harbhajan into the ground, from where it spins back and just wide of off stump. "When you mentioned that Prior was possibly the best Test wk-batsman in the world now, I assume you forgot Sangakarra of Cowdrey Lecture fame," says Anand. Ah, I excluded him on the grounds that he doesn't keep in Tests any more. I would Prior ahead of all the current Test keepers, unless you wanted to include Dhoni as captain. 48th over: England 127-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 35, Broad 10) Broad slams Sharma on the up through the covers for three, and then yet another misfield, this time from Mukund, turns one into three. "If he hangs around for long enough, avoids telling Tendulker he drives a Porsche and takes a few catches during the Indian innings he could walk away with the man of the match award," says Tom Van der Gucht. "I imagine that would be pretty galling for KP, but Prior has steadied England in both innings when they were at risk of frittering it all away." Keepers hardly ever get the MOTM award do they. Look at this list; only Gilchrist has five or more. Akmal has two. 49th over: England 129-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 36, Broad 10) "With the off colour Harbajan getting some bite of the wicket," says Vasanth Rajan, "can Swann produce a match-winning spell?" Let's hope so, but I think, as Selve said earlier, the seamers will be just as important if not more so. Swann hasn't bowled much in the fourth innings of a Test, actually, although he has a decent record. 50th over: England 138-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 38, Broad 17) Sachin Tendulkar has arrived at the ground. Broad mispulls Sharma high over square leg for a couple, but he gets it right next ball with a swaggering pull stroke, one foot off the ground as he clatters it to the boundary. "How many runs do you think England need to feel safe here?" says Rachel Clifton. To be comfortable enough for us to swing a relaxed boot onto the desk, I reckon 450. They probably won't need that many though. The absence of Sehwag makes a monstrous difference. 51st over: England 143-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 42, Broad 18) Broad is duped by a beautiful quicker ball from Harbhajan and edges onto the thigh of the motionless Dhoni. It's a technical chance, no more. Then Prior waves a fine drive through extra cover for four. He has 42 from 63 balls and has played extremely well. "Would you agree this is one of the more magical scenes in Twin Peaks?" says Ed Packard. "Failing that, there's always Albert's speech." I love the scene where Harry makes some breakthrough in the hunt for Windom Earle (I think), and Cooper says, with such pride, "Harry S Truman". It's almost as good as when Mark Nicholas celebrates a batsman by including his middle name. On that note, why did people always say 'Brian Charles Lara' in but never 'Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar' or, indeed, 'Trevor Robert Ward'? 52nd over: England 149-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 43, Broad 23) Broad is trapped in front by a good delivery from the returning Kumar, but it pitched outside leg stump and Billy Bowden gets yet another decision spot on. Kumar's frustration is compounded two balls later when Broad snicks a booming drive right between Dhoni and Dravid in a wide slip position. Both of them stood and watched it go by. It

was Dhoni's catch. He's had a minor shocker with the gloves. "Wasn't Greenidge injured or sick when WI chased the 344 at Lord's?" says Anand. "I see some parallels between him and the man down with the viral infection." Yeah, he was on one leg. Which, of course, made him twice as dangerous. Look at some of these shots. And while you're on YouTube, check out Merv and Warne's Charm School here. Great stuff. 53rd over: England 153-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 45, Broad 25) England's lead is up to 340. At this precise moment in time, Duncan Fletcher probably regretting the fact he introduced a culture of lower-order batting to English cricket. "I have Twin Peaks on DVD and was considering making a start on it tonight," says Dan Lucas. "Can everyone therefore please save this discussion for the one day series?" You don't know how lucky you are to have that ahead of you. Your life/attitude to people with extremely long hair will never be the same again. 54th over: England 157-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 45, Broad 29) Broad drags a full delivery from Kumar wide of mid on for four. There was plenty of inside edge, and those runs bring up a fine fifty partnership from only 61 balls. Top stuff. There's been a lot of talk in the next 24 hours about whether England have the best bowling attack in the world. They might have the best set of bowlers who bat as well not just because of the runs they score but the way they score them. "Re: middle names, surely residual colonialism is the answer?" says Ryan Dunne. "If Tendulkar's middle-name was 'Albert' then I'm sure it would be as proudly invoked by certain Brits as Lara's 'Charles." 55th over: England 157-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 45, Broad 29) Prior nails a slog sweep straight into the elbow of Gambhir at short leg. He's in serious pain, and is going to receive treatment. It was right on the point of the elbow, which has already started to balloon. That's another big problem for India, who are dropping like flies. Maybe they've all been eating charcoal broiled meat. Still, at least it was only the elbow. Remember when a helmetless Nick Knight took one in the head? 56th over: England 165-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 48, Broad 34) "He's a really good cricketer" coos Nasser Hussain as Prior steals another single. Darn tootin. It's hard to believe it's only four years since the India series when some saw him as an embarrassment to English cricket. Anyway, Broad continues this excellent partnership by slamming Sharma through extra cover for four. Whether he's an enforcer with the ball is open to debate, but he's certainly an enforcer with the bat when he comes off. He scores his runs at a cracking lick. "Indeed, Cooper and Truman certainly constitute one of the great onscreen parterships," says Ed Packard. "I sometimes like to imagine this is how you and Bull operate, in your attempts to evade the devious Windom Booth (with his mind as hard and brilliant as a diamond)." With Scott Murray as Booth's Leo Johnson. 57th over: England 168-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 50, Broad 35) There's Prior's fifty, a seriously good innings under pressure. It's come from 78 balls with only two fours. It was another Prior counterattack, but of a different sort: as Bumble points out on Sky, he has put pressure on India with his running rather than his strokeplay. He has sorted out this mess in a calm, unfussy manner. "I reckon it's about getting the right number of syllables," says Gabriel. "Brian Charles Lara still has one less than Sachin Tendulkar. Ian Bell is a good candidate, but did anyone use Marcus Trescothick's middle name?" The problem for Bell is that, whereas a middle name like 'Charles' oozes grandeur and majesty, the same can't quite be said of 'Ronald'. 58th over: England 174-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 55, Broad 36) Prior works Kumar to fine leg for three more, which takes England's lead past 360. Then Broad survives a big LBW appeal. He jammed the ball with bat and pad almost simultaneously, but it was just bat first and stop me if you think you've heard this one before that's another brilliant decision from Billy Bowden. "Just watched the Greenidge clip," says Bernard Hughes. "Classic stuff. Forgotten that as late as 1984 we were spending half the game watching the batsman's bottom. Can anyone remember when the BBC finally splashed out on cameras at both ends? I know it was one of Packer's innovations, but clearly took its time to reach these shores." I'm not sure. I only started watching cricket properly in 1989 and I'm sure they had cameras at both ends by then.

59th over: England 174-6 (led by 188 on the first innings; Prior 55, Broad 36) Raina hurries through the last over before tea, a maiden to Broad. That was a fine session for England, who scored 102 for the loss of Eoin Morgan. They lead by 362 and are back in charge of the match. You'd guess they will bat for around an hour after tea and then declare. Andy Bull will be with you for that; you can email him on andy.bull@guardian.co.uk. Night. TEA Afternoon then everyone. This Test is turning in to too good an opportunity for England to miss now. They're not going to get a better opportunity to win a Test in this series than they will have in the next four sessions. We haven't had any news on Gautam Gambhir's fitness yet. He's a tough blighter, but judging by the look of his elbow as he left the field I'd be amazed if he bats unless he absolutely has to. With Zaheer also out, and Sachin due to come in well down the order, the cards have really fallen cruelly for the Indians. To be honest, given that they've been getting by with just three bowlers, it's impressive enough that they're still in this match at all. Sachin Tendulkar has joined his teammates for one final fielding huddle, he's back on the field now but he's not going to be able to bat before No7 or until 260-odd minutes have passed. 60th over: England 180-6 (Prior 56, Broad 37) Ishant starts the evening session with a short, wide ball that Prior cuts past cover for a single. How long are England going to bat on for? Another hour or so at most, you'd hope. They get another gift from India here, as an errant return throw from the field sees the ball fly past Dhoni and away to the boundary for four. 61st over: England 184-6 (Prior 58, Broad 39) And Harbhajan will bowl from the Pavilion End. His first ball hits Broad's front pad flush in front of middle stump. He got a huge stride in though, and that's what saves him. He and Prior take turns at glancing singles away square. Tick tock tick tock, England's total creeps upwards single-by-single. 62nd over: England 189-6 (Prior 612 Broad 40) Athers is ribbing Bumble about the fact he was snubbed during the lunch time parade of former players from India v England fixtures, despite the fact that he scored 214 in the 3rd Test back in 1974 . 63rd over: England 196-6 (Prior 64 Broad 44) Looks like England are going to have a heave-ho and hurry this match along. Prior slaps a steepling catch high into the air towards mid-on, and has time to scurry two runs before the ball falls to the turf in front of the fielder, who had made a despairing dive to try and complete the catch. Later in the over Broad shows his partner how it is done with a crisp lofted on-drive that whistles away for four. 64th over: England 202-6 (Prior 65 Broad 49) Seems Bumble isn't the only ex-player whose invitation from the MCC got lost in the post. "Yeah, well," says Mike Selvey, "I went round the park against them and never got an invite either." Back in the middle Broad has clattered a hook away for four to long leg. A cry of "get on with it!" echoes out around the ground. The heckler has a point. England haven't got the time to waste time. 65th over: England 208-6 (Prior 69 Broad 51) Broad celebrates his fifty with a nonchalant wave of his bat. Later in the over the 100 partnership comes up too. If you're free tomorrow tickets at Lord's are 20 for adults, 10 for over-65s and under-16s get in for free. Tickets go on sale from 8.30am, and it is cashonly. It's going to be one of the great days of Test cricket. Possibly even worth risking a P45 for, some might say. 66th over: England 210-6 (Prior 70 Broad 53) Strauss clearly has a declaration total in mind, but what is it? The lead is 397 now, and there are 37 overs left in the day after this one. Broad is quite conspicuously running right down the middle of the pitch, roughing it up as he does so. Billy Bowden takes him to one

side for a quick word of rebuke. When England take the lead up above 400 later in the over Strauss waves his hand down at the pitch, but he's not declaring. He's calling the 12th man up to give him a message to take out to the middle. "Why is MSD breaking Ishant's back now when surely he cannot dictate the course of the game?" grumbles Anand Kumar. "Wouldn't it be better to rest your best bowler in this situation? He missed bowling him after lunch and let England get away. Should get Raina or someone else to send in darts aimed at the base of the stumps. Maybe Ishant wants that one wicket to get on that board." I think you've answered your own question there Anand. Which makes me a little redundant. 67th over: England 221-6 (Prior 77 Broad 56) Dhoni has packed the boundary on the on-side now, but Prior swings like Benny Goodman regardless and smashes four through long-on. 68th over: England 233-6 (Prior 83 Broad 62) Dhoni is bringing himself on for a bowl, which means there's a long delay while Dravid puts on the pads. It was a cute trick in the first innings Mahi, but it's starting to wear a little thin. Frankly it is just time-wasting, and seeing as Dhoni only needs to be punished once more for having a slow over rate before he gets banned for a match, it's really not that clever either. Whether or not the ICC would have the strength of will to actually follow through on that ban remains to be seen. Prior flicks a four over his shoulder and down to fine leg. 12 from the over. 69th over: England 246-6 (Prior 95 Broad 63) Raina is on at the other end. Prior is galloping towards his hundred now. He stretches out to smear a cut to cover and then spreads his legs and wallops a six over into the Mound Stand. A single from the final ball means he'll keep the strike. 70th over: England 254-6 (Prior 99 Broad 63) Another ton here and Prior will be up with Alec Stewart with six centuries as an England 'keeper. Then there will only be Les Ames ahead of him, on eight. Hugely underrated player, Ames. He never seems to get near the pundits' All-Time England XIs. Anyway. Prior is on 99 now. He swings and misses at a filthy delivery from Dhoni that swings away down the leg side and goes for four byes. 71st over: England 269-6 (Prior 103 Broad 74) You can't praise Prior highly enough for the way he's played today. He thoroughly deserves the chance to get his hundred. But he has to wait a little longer while Broad clobbers Raina through the covers for successive fours. They finally take a single and now Prior is on strike. There it is, he carves four through cover, and then leaps into the air in celebration. That's it, Strauss calls them in. England have declared with a lead of 457. Prior walks off to a standing ovation from the members and his teammates, then stops as he reaches the Pavilion steps to turn and acknowledge Stuart Broad, who also played an excellent innings. There are 30 overs left today. "India's only chance to save this is for Dravid to play a marathon," suggests Sankaran Krishna. "And he will be coming in as the opener. So what does his captain do? Asks him to keep wickets just before he'll be needing to bat. India's treatment of Dravid is beyond belief." There's a degree of truth in that. There was no need at all for Dhoni to bring himself on at the end there. Dravid suffers for being so selfless. Rahul Dravid will open the batting with Abhinav Mukund in the absence of Gambhir. 1st over: India 5-0 (Mukund 5, Dravid 0) Jimmy Anderson is going to open the bowling from the Nursery End, with three slips and a gully. Mukund squeezes the first ball away through the leg side for two runs, and the pats next ball around the corner for two more. "We must really be a good side these days," says Tom Rothery, "because I was more surprised that we had a complete top-middle order wobble than I was that the lower middle order batted so well and have saved the game." 2nd over: India 9-0 (Mukund 9, Dravid 0) need 458 to win And Chris Tremlett starts at the Pavilion End. He gets three slips, a gully and a short leg. Mukund pops up on his toes and taps four away past square

leg. He's made a sparky start, scoring off every ball he has faced. He settles down as this over goes on, and gets on the back foot to block a series of shorter balls from Tremlett. 3rd over: India 14-0 (Mukund 9, Dravid 5) need 458 to win Anderson serves up an inviting delivery, so short and wide that even a man of Dravid's inclinations can't help but crack it away square for four. 4th over: India 15-0 (Mukund 9, Dravid 5) need 458 to win Dravid makes an exceptional defensive shot, hopping up and blocking down a snorter from Tremlett. He's beaten b the next one, but it was a no ball so England can't take that much solace from it. He's bowled 11 no balls in this match. "Tom Rothery may be enjoying myself," says Phil Sawyer, "but for me The Fear is never far away. I'm already eyeing the score nervously thinking the Indian team have only got 443 to go. Too many scars, too many scars..." This is intriguing. The MCC have sent around a special cap for Bumble and a written apology about forgetting his 214 and snubbing him in the players' parade. But have they done the same for Lord Selve and his 15-1-800? 5th over: India 17-0 (Mukund 11, Dravid 5) need 458 to win Mukund steers a short ball past the gully down to third man for two more. That's a better ball from Anderson, swinging in towards middle stump, but Mukund's equal to it. 6th over: India 17-0 (Mukund 11, Dravid 5) need 458 to win "You forgot to include my name, Andy," points out Phil Sawyer about the email I published in the 4th over - now corrected - "Mind you, given that I said Tom Rothery was enjoying myself that may be no bad thing. He's probably looking nervously over his shoulder right now wondering who his mystery wierdo is and what exactly I'm doing to provide him with pleasure." Mmm. My brain is in second gear. Cruelly, this has been a "viral infection" that has got worse and worse as the day has gone on. A maiden over from Tremlett. 7th over: India 18-0 (Mukund 12, Dravid 5) need 458 to win Anderson snarls in self-loathing after whanging down another harmless delivery. "Tomorrow could be a fantastic day's cricket, well worth pulling a sickie for as you pointed out earlier," says Jamie Kirkaldy. "But, as a teacher on holiday with two young kids at home, is it worth divorce proceedings for?" 8th over: India 18-0 (Mukund 12, Dravid 5) need 458 to win A maiden from Tremlett. "Alas, no," replies Mike Selvey. "Perhaps it is just people who played at Lord's. Mitigation for the figures only in that because of the nature of itinerary and pitches I'd bowled about 40 overs in 3 months, came into the side only just before the toss when C. Old went lame, went straight into the field and bowled a nice length down the Corridor of Certainty which kept disappearing through square leg." Modestly put, Mike. What happened in the second innings? 9th over: India 19-0 (Mukund 12, Dravid 5) need 458 to win Anderson is pulled out of the attack after making a mediocre start and is replaced by Stuart Broad. "Is there a more nerve racking experience in life than watching your team bat 4 sessions to save a Test?" frets Shyam Sandilya from behind his sofa. "The sigh of relief after every ball that doesn't get a wicket, the compulsive touching of wood before every one of 720 balls. It's gonna be an exhausting 8 hours." WICKET! Mukund 12 b Broad (India 20-1) "Nine to go!" cries Nick Knight. Broad can do no wrong. His third ball slips off the inside edge of Mukund's bat and splatters the stumps.VVS Laxman is the new batsman. What a pair of players, and what a privilege to be watching them bat together to try and save this Test. "Modesty be blowed," scoffs Lord S. "It's what happened. Second innings? Erm, surplus to requirement." Ouch. 10th over: India 20-1 (Dravid 6, Laxman 1) India need 458 to win Tremlett threads a sharp ball through Laxman's defences, and appeals to umpire Rauf after watching it thump into his thigh pad. It was going over the top, but it's a sign that Laxman is uncomfortable facing him. Later in the over he flashes at another short ball, and misses it altogether. "In relation to Jamie Kirkaldy risking divorce by heading to the cricket,"

writes Tom v d Gucht, "as an under the thumb first degree wuss I wouldn't risk it. But then again, he may be more of a man than me, sadly I caved into my special leady friends flu-riddled request to stop listening to the cricket and watch "Dear John" with her earlier today, which lead to me missing England's collapse and lose around two hours of my not so valuable life to the worst kind of mush." 11th over: India 20-1 (Dravid 6, Laxman 1) India need 458 to win That's a jaffa from Broad, ripping its way past Dravid's outside edge after jagging off the seam. What a delivery. The next ball beats the inside edge. And the third keeps a little low, forcing Dravid to drop his bat on it. This is a brilliant little contest, and at the moment Broad is winning it. He has Dravid, the master-craftsman, hopping and jumping.Laxman 12th over: India 24-1 (Dravid 6, Laxman 5) India need 458 to win Laxman drags his bat back inside the line of another fine delivery from Tremlett. Later in the over he plays a pull out to mid-wicket for his first four. "Sympathies to Jamie Kirkaldy for his dilemma," says Marie Meyer. "I presume there are thousands more men in England in the same predicament. As an American, I've struggled for decades to properly recognize "irony". I'm watching the match on the ESPN feed, which is intended for India supporters. Their main sponsor is a "matrimony" company, whose ads are on a nearly continuous loop. Have I spotted a genuine instance here?" Ahh, I'm not sure who should be the judge of that really. I guess you have to grade these things in Morisettes - rain on your wedding day would be 10, a free ride when you've already paid would be a 7, I guess the matrimony ads would be about a 3. 13th over: India 29-1 (Dravid 11, Laxman 5) India need 458 to win Dravid flicks a fuller delivery away for four to fine leg, a shot which makes Broad wince in frustration. "Any chance I can get a Hell Yeah' for my sister?" [I don't normally do requests, Brian Fleming, but this does sound like a good cause. And I'm intrigued by the idea of giving someone a "Hell Yeah". What does that involve exactly?] "She's currently in Winchester and has spent the afternoon trying to teach Argentinians and Italians how to bowl not chuck. Good effort for two non-cricketing nations." Oddly enough, Argentina and Italy are two of the stronger affiliate members of the ICC. The Italians in particular are really supposed to be quite handy. 14th over: India 33-1 (Dravid 15, Laxman 5) India need 458 to win Jimmy is back into the attack, and he ends the over with another short, wide ball that Dravid leans out to and cuts away for four. "Couldn't Jamie Kirkaldy simply take his kids along to Lord's with him?" suggests Sam Barritt. "No extra expense, much extra credit if presented as a well-planned family-bonding experience. And as a bonus, they might even enjoy it." That sounds like far too sensible a solution. 15th over: India 33-1 (Dravid 15, Laxman 5) India need 458 to win VVS stabs at a shorter ball, knocking it down to his feet. 15th over: India 37-1 (Dravid 19, Laxman 5) India need 458 to win Jimmy is bowling some real rubbish. What an eccentric talent he is. Another wide ball, another four for Dravid. "As it's been a relatively relaxed day, with enough good news from England to keep us mildly optimistic, I managed to read most of The Observer;" says John Starbuck. "So much so I even got round to the colour magazine, which I don't usually do. There's an item by Eva Wiseman on the changing form of ladies' knickers and much acute observation thereon. Don't tell Boycott, you know what he's like." John, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I don't know if this is because I'm hungover, or that you're talking nonsense, or a combination of the two. But either way, I'm moving on. 16th over: India 41-1 (Dravid 19, Laxman 9) India need 458 to win Broad bangs in a bouncer, but it doesn't quite up and Laxman whips it away for four. So Broad goes back to pitching the ball up, and beats the bat with a ludicrous delivery that breaks back up the slope after pitching. "The real tragedy of my predicament (and no small irony either, Marie, Over 12) is that my wife would like nothing more than to accompany me to Lord's tomorrow," says Jamie Kirkaldy. "She is one of the 2005 cricketing converts and would relish the chance to sit in the sunshine watching two great teams go head-to-head while ogling Jimmy Anderson." My fuse must have burned down, because I've as little time for that email as I did for Starbuck's in the last over. What on earth are you complaining about? You have a wife who likes cricket.

17th over: India 47-1 (Dravid 25, Laxman 9) India need 458 to win Graeme Swann is on now. Ouch, His first ball is a touch too short, and Dravid punches a drive away for four. The second ball is better, but so is the shot. Trott pulls it up just inside the boundary. 18th over: India 48-1 (Dravid 25, Laxman 10) India need 458 to win "I thought it might be worth noting that, for those few of us with merely terrestrial TV, the Karate Kid is currently on channel 5 and building very nicely to it's third act denouement. It's quite a day all round I'd say." Wax on, wax off, Jim de Zoete. Irrelevant as that news is, it is still a considerably more welcome intrusion into my evening that that moron in the Fusion Proglide Challenge advert. Laxman takes a single from the sixth ball of this over. 19th over: India 54-1 (Dravid 25, Laxman 16) India need 458 to win VVS whips a pull away to midwicket for four. Swann is making the ball turn a little, but the batsmen aren't letting him settle. 20th over: India 55-1 (Dravid 26, Laxman 16) India need 458 to win Tremlett replaces Broad, and gives up a run from his first ball. The rest of the over is impeccable. "You may well be right," reflects Jamie Kirkaldy. "Indeed, said wife has just asked me what time the highlights are on; a lucky man I truly am. How well I remember that magic moment in 2005 when I asked her what she fancied doing with a Saturday and she replied 'get some beers in and watch the cricket'. I'd proposed within a month." 21st over: India 57-1 (Dravid 28, Laxman 16) India need 458 to win "It's lovely, isn't it?" muses Rob Marriott. "Watching a fine pair of batsmen fight boldly against the odds. Unless you start to consider that they might not actually get out, ever. Smith, McKenzie, Amla, Lord's, 2008. I'm not alone in thinking about that, am I? Smith, McKenzie, Amla, Lord's, 2008. It's etched deeply and permanently on my mind." Well look at it this way, even if they don't get out they can't possibly go on for more than a day. They have looked a little more comfortable these few overs, the pitch isn't doing all that much to help the bowlers. 22nd over: India 69-1 (Dravid 28, Laxman 28) India need 458 to win A strange sort of shot by Laxman, who flicks four through long-on, having stood tall to play the ball at the top of the bounce. The next delivery is steered past point for another four. Glorious batting. And another, this one pushed to long leg. That's 12 from three balls then, and the Indians in the crowd haver broken into raucous cries of appreciation. England need to go home, have a sleep, and come back tomorrow to try and figure out what's what. As do I. 23rd over: India 70-1 (Dravid 29, Laxman 28) India need 458 to win "I took my lovely girlfriend to a T20 game a few years back to get her into the game," remembers Danny Clayton. "I was batting No4 and so we began to watch the game and after four eventful overs and my constant encouraging commentary she's looks at me and asks: "has it started yet?". I despaired then and reading those lucky b******s below I despair now." 24th over: India 73-1 (Dravid 32, Laxman 28) India need 458 to win Anderso will have won last spell before the close, Tremlett having been manhandled so roughly in that last over. There's one hopeful delivery, which rears up past the bat after pitching, but the rest of it is all quite innocuous. "I know it's late in the day. but you should still be able to find somewhere willing to sell you a bacon and black pudding sandwich. Washed down with some decent beer this may be of help." An outstanding suggestion, John Starbuck. You've more than made up for your baffling email about Boycott and women's under garments. 25th over: India 77-1 (Dravid 34, Laxman 30) India need 458 to win Laxman and Dravid get themselves in a real muddle coming back for a second run and almost end up contrive a run-out. Laxman is back in his ground moments before Trott's throw from the deep made it to the stumps. That's as close to a wicket as England have come in the last half hour or so. Which isn't because they've bowled badly, but that these two old pros have played wonderfully well. 26th over: India 80-1 (Dravid 34, Laxman 32) India need 458 to win The last over of a long day. Laxman knocks a single down to fine leg, and Dravid scrambles a leg bye. Coo. It's someone's lucky day:

"Is Danny Clayton hot?" asks Rebecca Heller. "He bats at No 4 so that box is ticked, I am single and have nobody to watch the cricket with (and I'm a girl)." I'm not sure how we're ever going to get an honest assessment about how hot Danny is, or is not. But I have to say Rebecca that, ahh, you don't seem to have particularly strict criteria about who constitutes a good date. Would he be eligible if he was batting at No7? Or would that be unacceptably low? Sadly, the day's play is over. If you'd sent me that email an hour ago I can't help but feel this final stretch of OBO would have been much more entertaining for all involved. So that's it. I'm not here tomorrow. But Rob is. Cheerio.

First Test, day five, Lord's

England v India - as it happened

A magnificent bowling performance, led by Jimmy Anderson, gave England an emphatic victory on a memorable final day

Rob Smyth (morning and evening session) and Alan Gardner (afternoon session) guardian.co.uk, Monday 25 July 2011 10.00 BST

Preamble Morning. In this age of entitlement, all most folk are interested in is instant gratification, which is a shame because playing the long game can be seriously rewarding. A recent study showed that 99.94 per cent of sexual relationships eventuate from one party grinding the other into submission until they are too tired to say anything except "I do"; and it's fair to say that, if England find a way to take nine Indian wickets today, it will be a darn sight more fulfilling than if they were to blow them away before lunch. This is a going to be a long, long day; a day for that sub-genre of cricket tragics, the cricket masochists. It'll be a day of nip and tuck, ebb and flow, booze and fags (if you're so inclined). We're all going through the wringer. And it's going to be brilliant. If you're not so excited that you can't sit still, you need some urgent shakabuku. For England, things are less urgent. Ninety-eight overs is a bloody long time. England need to chip away, taking every chance and a good percentage of the half-chances. They need to stay calm, even if India are one down at lunch or three down at tea. And they reALLY NEED TO GET EITHER DRAVID OR BLOODY LAXMAN OUT EARLY BECAUSE MY BLOOD PRESSURE CAN'T TAKE THE PROSPECT OF INDIA CHASING OVER 450 TO WIN. Sorry, where was I? Ah yes, staying calm. For both sides it's going to be a unique test of talent, technique, nerve, patience, stamina, self-belief and ability to ignore the itchy cleft that invariably afflicts you on such a sweltering day. The sort of test only this remarkable and superior sporting format can provide. The precedent for today is neon-lit: the last day at Old Trafford in 2005. Then, as now, thousands were locked out of the ground. Then, England needed ten wickets and Australia 399 runs; today England need nine wickets and India 378 runs. That Test went straight into the pantheon. By 7pm, it might need to shift up and make some room for Lord's 2011. Other bits and bobs

1. A postgraduate student at City University London is conducting some research into how people read and interact with live coverage on guardian.co.uk and would like to recruit some readers to interview over the telephone about their experiences. She's already had the Naylor Experience. If you are interested in taking part you can fill in this form. 2. Thanks so much to those who sponsored my friend Adam, who is doing a series of runs for SANDS. My colleague Steph Fincham is also bike-riding around Sri Lanka in support of MAG. For the rest of the series, starting on Friday, we'll have an auction for a pretty cool piece of memorabilia that Lord Selvey has provided. If hot dogs be the food of love... "Rob, I finally accepted I'm never going to be selected for England last week and in full Samit Patel style entered my first ever competitive eating competition," says Luke Dealtry. "I went to support a friend but there was a no-show, so I was roped into the 'rookie' section. And then I found myself sitting alone at a table save for 19 full-size hot-dogs, 30 minutes to do the business and a large crowd of rubberneckers (and they talk about the pressure on Sachin). Pleased to report I finished in second place on 11 not out in the time allotted, so I did alright. The first five were easy but things got progressively harder with numbers 8-11 being literally some of the toughest eating I have ever done. By the end, I was on a near-constant retch, was succumbing to a 180-pounder headache and had meat-sweats so bad you could've fried bacon on me. But I finished. Best of all, my friend vomited on 16 so was disqualified, gifting me bragging rights. I'm never, ever, ever doing that again." So, how many of your colleagues have pulled a sicky today? I contemplated it, but my innate professionalism and simple yet profound love for you, the reader, inevitably won out. I wonder what the most absurd excuse for having today off has been. Even my iPod is excited about today's play. On shuffle this morning, with 7,877 songs to choose from, it went for this. All together now: "I fell into a burning ring of fire..." Don't bother going to Lord's. It is already sold out. Great stuff, and a triumph for the MCC, who priced tickets at 20 and allowed under-16s in free. (Prompting an amusing aside from Ebeneezer Hussain on Sky: "I'll go in as an under-16, bring a load of kids and get them to pay...") Sachin Tendulkar can bat from around 12.25pm. I know this because, er, it says so on Twitter. That's how journalism works, right? Gautam Gambhir is also ready to bat, although probably only in an emergency. "It is bedlam here," says Mike Selvey. And that's just the press box, arf. "The queues are beyond massive and for an hour or more people have been turned away from joining. Queues started at around two o'clock this morning and stretched at one time for more than a mile. Yet here we are ten minutes before play and the ground is barely half full. Lord's is simply not geared up to cash sales. There have been problems with touts too who have paid people to queue for the max four tickets per head allowed. MCC rapidly reduced that to one per person to try and counter that. But it is already obvious as a different type of crowd who have got a beautiful morning and a tremendous day in prospect." 28th over: India 81-1 (Dravid 34, Laxman 33) This is sport at its most life-affirming, and they haven't even bowled a bloody ball yet! To wild cheers, Chris Tremlett runs in to bowl the first ball of the day to Laxman... and Harmisons it down the leg side. The atmosphere is sensational. "Every ball is being cheered" says an incredulous Bumble. Laxman gets the first run of the day with a work to leg. A pretty good first over from Tremlett, that loosener aside. 29th over: India 87-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) Here's Jimmy Anderson, who has had a surprisingly poor match. He has just two slips and a gully and England will regret that now, because Laxman has just fenced one in the air through the vacant fourth-slip area for four. That's well worth the first 'BAH!' of the day. It won't be the last.

30th over: India 87-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) Dravid chases a full, wide delivery from Tremlett and slices it on the bounce to Pietersen in the gully. This has been a good start from England. If they could pick up one of these early on, especially Dravid, they will really fancy their chances. "The required rate at the start of play was 3.85 runs per over," says Richard Clarke. "Comeonindia!" 31st over: India 87-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) There has been no sign of swing, and Bumble reckons the only swing England might get is reverse. As a result they are bowling a fairly orthodox length, with just the occasional full delivery as a surprise weapon. Anderson's line is a maybe a touch too wide in that over, which allows Laxman to shoulder arms at most of the deliveries. A maiden. "Are you short of emails because your entire traditional readership queued up at 2am to get in and now have no need of you?" says Stephen Russell. "It's like empty-nest syndrome, even more so because you know they'll bankrupt themselves buying chips and beer and come crawling back to you for the next game." 32nd over: India 88-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) Tremlett beats Dravid with an excellent lifter. Dravid kisses his teeth, walks to short leg and presses the reset button. As the chaps on Sky said this morning, nobody bats time like Dravid. And now Dravid is dropped! I don't believe it, Ian Bell has dropped him at short leg. It was a really sharp chance, but Bell doesn't drop them. He never drops them. Dravid insideedged a defensive stroke onto the pads, from where it deflected high above Bell's head. He thrust up a right hand, but the ball didn't stick. Tremlett beats Dravid next ball as well. This has been a brilliant over. "Over coffee this morning have been musing on Broad's bad luck this Test," says Tom Crane. "He could have had a five-for but for the dropped catches, and was then denied a ton but the declaration yesterday. Had he achieved both of these he'd have been on the Honours Board with both bat and ball in the same Test. Anyone know if the last time this was achieved? By and England player?" Here's the full list. You'll notice a certain English superhero did it a few times. 33rd over: India 91-1 (Dravid 36, Laxman 41) This is brilliant: we have our first ever OBO cake. Katie Cannon promised to send one in the 28th over on Thursday, and here it is. In a Morrisons bag. I will share it with Alan Gardner, my OBO colleague today (Bull is doing real journalism at the ground) and report back. A cake! A real cake! Anyway, the cricket. Yes. Another near miss for England, with Laxman flickpulling Anderson in the air but between the men at midwicket and mid on. In fairness, I think he had the shot under control, just about. One more from Anderson and then it might be time for Broad. 34th over: India 94-1 (Dravid 36, Laxman 41) Laxman leaves Tremlett on length, with the ball just bouncing over the stumps. That was a cracking leave in fact. "The cake," says Lord Selvey. "Not a recipe from the Alice B Toklas cookbook is it? Could be fun if it is." Now that's an OBO I'd pay to read, not to mention write. WICKET! India 94-2 (Dravid c Prior b Anderson 36) Gone! Jimmy Anderson has struck, and it's the key wicket of Rahul Dravid. That is a huge breakthrough so early in the day. Dravid fished needlessly outside off stump at a shortish delivery, with the ball taking a thin edge on its way through to Prior. Dravid is livid and swishes his bat in disgust. That was a poor stroke, especially from a champion like Dravid. 35th over: India 96-2 (Laxman 42, Gambhir 1) Blimey, we didn't expect this: the new batsman is... Gautam Gambhir. The stones on this one! His left elbow is heavily strapped after that horrible blow he took yesterday, but he looks in no pain when the ball hits the bat. He gets off the mark with a single to leg off Anderson, and then leaves a ball that misses off stump by a whisker. It was either a brilliant leave or a seriously lucky one. Actually it was an excellent leave because he did so on length rather than line. "One of my favorite Laxman stories is after he shared a (yet another) 300+ run partnership with Dravid, at Adelaide - just over 2 years after THAT day in Kolkata," begins R Ramesh. "He was asked what was going through his mind when he walked in to bat, with India chasing 550+ and 4 down for not much, by an Aussie commentator, waxing lyrical for a change. Laxman squinted slightly, thought about it and dead-batted 'nothing much really'! More of that today, please." Laxman is brilliant, a rare example of a sportsman for whom you can legitimately use the word 'dude'.

36th over: India 97-2 (Laxman 43, Gambhir 1) The cake, says Alan Gardner, is "pretty good". He has now walked off doing this. Tremlett has Gambhir in his sights. You might some early elbow music, but in fact it's all fairly orthodox stuff, angled across Gambhir, who has to play only one of the five balls he faces in that over. "Half an hour before the start of play going on a walk to find the end of the queue seemed like a good idea," says Andy Bull. "Forty minutes later I finally got back to my seat in time to see Jimmy Anderson start the second over of the day. I should be grateful it only took me ten minutes to walk each way from the start to the finish, which was a way away down the Wellington Road and around the corner up into Cavendish Avenue. The man at the very front told me it had taken them two hours to get that far. 'Where did you join the queue?' I asked. 'Somewhere in Hampstead,' he replied. Lord's certainly seemed to be caught short by the demand. At 9.30 they were turning people away from the tube station. But by 10.30 the stewards were saying that everyone who joins the line before 11.30 should be able to get in eventually. Inside the ground, irritatingly, there are still a lot of empty seats. There has been, as Selve mentioned, a lot of trouble with touts buying up multiple tickets, which means that there is now a limit of one ticket per person in place, that has slowed things down a lot. Test cricket is, of course, dying. It took me huge amounts of will power, by the way, not to begin this email with the cliche 'they came in their thousands...'" 37th over: India 98-2 (Laxman 44, Gambhir 1) England have to make Gambhir play here. He will cautious about the impact of ball on bat and therefore elbow, not to mention the fact it's early in his innings. Anderson fails to do so for most of that over. "Rob, which Test match team currently has the most dudes, would you say?" asks Mark Lloyd. "As well as being No 1 in the world, India would also seem to have a very respectable dude count. Is there any way of incorating dude-ness into the ranking system, so this can be clarified once and for all?" Goodness knows. Who are the dudes of cricket? Chris Gayle is obviously The Big Lebowski of cricket look at his magnificent Twitter page, a compelling tale of 12-hour kips, afternoon naps, dancing and cheese but who else? I don't know if Afridi qualifies as a dude or simply the second coming. Do England have any dudes? Eoin Morgan maybe. 38th over: India 100-2 (Laxman 45, Gambhir 2) Graeme Swann is going to replace Chris Tremlett, who bowled a pretty demanding first spell. He has a short leg, silly point and slip for Gambhir, who is dropped by Prior! It wasn't even a quarter chance, as he bottom edged a cut straight off the gloves of Prior. His reaction time would have been about 0.000000004 seconds. "That list of fivefers & centuries in the same game shows, as if we needed to be shown, what a phenom, er, amazing cricketer Lord Botham was," says William Vincent. "Interesting also that Flintoff isn't on the list. Top bloke and all that, and a fine player, but as much in Botham's league as I am in Monica Belluci's. Sadly." I wouldn't go that far but, yeah, there's no doubt that Beefy was superior. By the way, I think that list is correct (a couple of you said it wasn't), it's the total number of wickets in the match (hence Botham's 13), but has a filter of a hundred and a five-for in the same Test. 39th over: India 104-2 (Laxman 45, Gambhir 6) Stuart Broad comes into the attack. Gambhir, pushing outside off stump, edges on the bounce to Swann at second slip. With Gambhir out of his crease for a split second, Strauss shies at the stumps and gives away four overthrows. Broad thinks about turning the air blue, processes that Strauss was the culprit, and says nothing. And then Gambhir survives a huge shout for LBW. What was wrong with that? It grubbed under the bat to hit Gambhir on the pad in front on off and middle. The only issue was where it pitched and replays showed it pitched this far outside leg. That is an astonishingly good decision from Billy Bowden. You wouldn't believe how good a decision that is. It looked absolutely plumb. Bloody hell, the standard of umpiring in world cricket is incredible at the moment. "Gambhir is a tough little so-and-so," says Richard O'Hagan, author of this splendid trip down memory lane. "In many respects he's like an Indian Brian Close in that he fields crazily close at short leg and often lets the ball hit him when he bats. It must have been a bad blow for him to even leave the field yesterday, and even if the elbow bothers him today he won't show it at all. Shame that England don't have anyone who can bowl a 'heavy' ball and really test him out, though." He's their most Australian cricketer in many ways. Which is why he always picks fights with Australians, I suppose. 40th over: India 105-2 (Laxman 46, Gambhir 6) A quiet over from Swann to Gambhir. After a thrilling first hour, it's time for drinks. "Alice B Toklas references, instant references to the 27 Club.... the cricketing dude-standard is clearly Lord Selve," says Andrew Howard. "On that basis, I don't really think

little Eoin really qualifies and the England squad is a bit dude-lite. Chris Tremlett has potential Terminator body and a seemingly genuine game-face." Tremlett is as laid back as the Dude, but in a slightly different way. Samit Patel? 41st over: India 106-2 (Laxman 47, Gambhir 6) Gambhir is beaten by Broad. He has taken loads of the strike since coming in, almost all of it in fact. "To be devil's advocate for a moment, the pitch mat is not definitive either, dependent on a frame showing the moment of impact with the ground," says Lord Selvey. "So that shot for the Gambhir decision may have been between frames (as we often see on runouts). So it was either a tremendous decision or a rubbish one, we have no way of telling." Ah, I didn't know that. But the fact that was any doubt at all was a surprise; it looked plumb live. 42nd over: India 111-2 (target: 458; Laxman 48, Gambhir 10) Laxman pulls Swann into the rump of Cook at short leg, and then Gambhir skids back in his crease to defend the slider. The next ball is far too short and cut easily through the covers for four. "That list of tons and fivefors also hints at the fact Botham early in his career was in a different class to Botham later in his career," says Edward Banister. Absolutely. When he became captain in 1980, he had played 25 Tests and average 40 with the bat and 18 with the ball. Even after 50 Tests he averaged 36 and 23. But in his last 25 Tests he averaged 23 and 42. 43rd over: India 111-2 (target: 458; Laxman 48, Gambhir 10) Laxman is beaten by an awesome delivery from Broad. Or did he edge it? England went up but it was a delayed appeal, and Billy Bowden said not out. Strauss has decided to go for the review. It was a wonderful piece of bowling, a very full leg cutter, but I don't think Laxman touched this. England's appeal just didn't seem right, and Hotspot shows no contact at all. "It's not even a cold spot," says David Gower. Was it worth a speculative review in a situation like this? Maybe so. Anyway, Laxman is not out and England now have one review remaining. India still have two. With the ball ball of the over, Laxman is beaten by another magnificent delivery, again full of length and this time swinging past both the outside edge and off stump. A superb maiden. "I see you're seeking sponsorship for MAG for your friend," says Simon Rea. "I encourage all to give as much as possible. I work for MAG and am currently based in Laos. Most bombed country in the world, thanks to America. I'm currently sat in a bar drinking the award winning local brew, Beer Lao, listening to TMS on the world service and following your coverage. Hopefully my constant groans and shouts are paying back the American tourists around me just a little bit for all their great nation has done to this beautiful country. Sok dee der Angkit, as they say around here (good luck England)." 44th over: India 117-2 (target: 458; Laxman 48, Gambhir 16) Gambhir looks comfortable against Swann, and cuts a short ball past backward point for four. Now then, Snickometer which can't be used by the third umpire shows Laxman may well have edged that delivery from Broad. There is certainly a noise at some point and, while it could theoretically be bat on pad, it is at precisely the moment that the ball passes the bat. So it looks like Laxman may have been out after all. "Isn't KP a dude?" says Anand. KP is many things, and we love him to bits, but he is definitely not a dude. 45th over: India 121-2 (target: 458; Laxman 52, Gambhir 16) Laxman digs out an attempted yorker from Broad, and then flicks him to fine leg for four to bring up a lovely half-century, from 104 balls and with eight fours. "Jacques Kallis and Dale Steyn would both be dudes, were they not surrounded by a bunch of chokers," says Gary Naylor. "Aleem Dar is, of course, King Dude." 46th over: India 124-2 (target: 458; Laxman 53, Gambhir 18) Gambhir has started using his feet to Swann, who will relish that challenge. Watching Swann bowl to a batsman who is going for him is one of Test cricket's finer sights. "Luke Dealtry should forget the hot dog eating and go for Barry racing," says Richard Simpson. "On Saturday I took part in the Barry Barry Road Race. It runs on Barry Road in East Dulwich, the race starts in The Plough and finishes at the other end of the street in The Clockhouse. Brave participants were required to down a shot and a pint, run the mile, then down another pint and shot. It was a magnificent challenge. I felt I had let myself down slightly by being overtaken by a 5ft4 avocado, who it turned out and already run nine miles that morning. But I knew I'd have beaten Samit Patel & Mike Gatting, just."

47th over: India 124-2 (target: 458; Laxman 53, Gambhir 18) We have now reached the point at which Mr Sachin Tendulkar is allowed to bat. England wouldn't mind getting him in before lunch, but they shouldn't panic even if India are two down at lunch. There are still 78 overs left today. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted already. "In his own, shambolic way, Hoggy was England's last dude," says George Wright. "Don't believe me? Try to imagine him with a huge unkempt beard, visiting a supermarket in his dressing gown. Easy isn't it?" 47th over: India 127-2 (target: 458; Laxman 54, Gambhir 20) Broad is bowling with considerable force. When he's in this mood, it's hard to fathom why he can be so innocuous at times. It's not just as simple as saying he should bowl a fuller length although that certainly helps, and Laxman just manages to drag his down to keep out a full, straight delivery in that over. The next ball pops off a leading edge into the vacant short extra cover region. 48th over: India 131-2 (target: 458; Laxman 565, Gambhir 22) Gambhir in particular is playing Swann extremely well. Mike Selvey reckons it might start to reverse swing quite soon, and says Alastair Cook has been working furiously on the ball. England might do well to go back to seam from both ends for the last twenty minutes before lunch, then let Swann settle into a second spell until the second new ball is available after 80 overs. "Doesn't Sir Viv out-dude them all," says Alasdair MacDonald, "even now?" Oh, of course. He's the biggest dude in the history of mankind. Just look at this. WICKET! India 131-3 (Laxman c Bell b Anderson 56) Jimmy Anderson strikes with his first ball! Laxman flick-pulls a loosener straight to midwicket, where Bell leaps to take an awkward two-handed catch with nonchalant ease. Laxman has thrown it away; he receives a send off from Anderson and walks off with the anguished confusion of a man who can't find his Milli Vanilli CDs. 49th over: India 135-3 (target: 458; Gambhir 22, Tendulkar 4) So now it's time for Mr Sachin Tendulkar. He couldn't, could he? Of course he bloody could. The ovation he receives, for what will surely be his final Test innings at Lord's, is extraordinary. He is beaten on the inside by his first delivery, which jags back a touch from outside off stump. He gets off the mark three balls later with a crisp whip through midwicket that prompts an ear-splitting din from the crowd. "Before the Test I said on one of the many blogs re: Sachin that I couldnt remember the last time I wanted an opponent to succeed so much," says Steve Dickens. "Well, stuff that I want him to run out Gambhir and Dhoni before getting out in single figures." WICKET! India 135-4 (Gambhir LBW b Swann 22) India have been stuffed by their own DRS intransigence! Or have they? Gambhir is given out LBW despite inside-edging a slider from Swann, and he walks off in a huge funk. It seems like a cock up from Asad Rauf but replays show that it just hit the pad first and then the bat. That is yet another immense piece of umpiring. He took a few seconds to think about it, and he got the decision spot on. Sod Pietersen, Prior, Dravid and Broad: Asad Rauf and Billy Bowden should share the Man of the Match award. 50th over: India 139-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 4, Raina 4) I told you England needed to keep Swann on. And I reckon England are now one wicket ahead of par they would have been happy to have India three down at lunch and six down at tea. Raina gets off a pair in considerable style, driving his second ball from Swann sweetly down the ground for four, all along the floor. 51st over: India 140-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 5, Raina 4) England's over rate has been really poor, with just 24 overs in this session. The evening session could be of Melbourne 1998 proportions. "David Ivon Gower, surely the original English Dude," says Adrian Lobb. "If he wants to take a wild flick at a ball outside leg stump just before lunch, heck, he just does it. Dude." 52nd over: India 141-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 6, Raina 4) Swann has a slip, silly point and short leg for Tendulkar, who waves a single to the cover sweeper. There's much talk about whether England really need a cover sweeper, which is understandable. One more over until lunch. "With the advent of the World

Test Championship to be hosted in England in 2013, there is every likelihood that India will qualify as one of the top four nations and that one of the games will be at Lord's," says John Dalby. "So the Little Master only needs to hang about another two years to come back and get his name up alongside Ed Giddins, Jacob Oram and, er, Rob Key." Ah, good point. 53rd over: India 142-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 7, Raina 4) Tremlett is going to bowl the last over before lunch to Tendulkar. He has admitted he sometimes has problems sighting the ball at this ground, but he gets off strike with a single from the first ball. Raina survives the rest of the over to conclude a fabulous session. England bowled with dead-eyed purpose, and they are probably one wicket ahead of par. They need six more to go 1-0 up in the series. Alan Gardner will be with you after lunch. LUNCH Afternoon, ladles and jellyspoons. Excited? I've been giggity giggity gooing like nobody's business all morning. The next session is set to to be a real snorter - England need six more wickets, India will want to bat tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime. Sachin Tendulkar is at the crease after finding his way out of the mob of India fans that engulfed him at around 10.45 this morning and carries an even greater burden of expectation than usual as he attempts to save the game; there's also the small matter of a possible 100th hundred for the Mini Maestro as a side dish. If England can remove both Tendulkar and MS Dhoni in the next session, the match should be theirs ... but India have been here before and Dhoni in particular knows his way around a salvage operation. So, with high stakes, we need a high tempo: this is going to be the soundtrack for the session. Turn it up to 11. Cricket as directed by Christopher Nolan? Ask Andrew Jolly: "10pm here in Brisbane, and its another one of those nights where I should really be in bed before midnight but I'll probably be lying in my bed all night, head slumped on keyboard, waking up every time Swann screams an appeal, only to doze off until the next one and finally be woken up by the Radio 5 live recorded message going over and over again after its all done - leaving me to check the score on cricinfo to unscramble what was real and what was dream. TMS meets Inception if you will." England stalked India relentlessly in the first session, in which 62 runs were scored for the loss of three big wickets. There were chances that weren't taken, as well as one or two close shaves - and how good were the two lbw decisions from Billy Bowden (Gambhir not out to Broad) and Asad Rauf (Gambhir out to Swann), by the way? Forget technology replacing umpires, these guys are machines - and I fancy England to gobble up the wickets they need sooner rather than later. They're like the Alien, stalking the crew of the Nostromo ... they could burst out of a ventilation shaft to nab another batsman at any minute. The question is, can Tendulkar be India's Ellen Ripley? "If you have been giggety giggety gooing then I was right about that Alice B Toklas cake," says Lord Selve, with a sage nod of the head. I'm not afraid to admit that's one OBO reference that's like a Red Arrow in the sky above my bonce ... Dudes and cricketing dreams: "I would love to see a dressing gown that could fit a whole supermarket inside it (re over 47)," says John Swan. "I'm trying to work out a Test winning side in the modern era made up entirely of dudes," muses William Vincent. "I've managed Slater, Gower, Colin Milburn (if a cross between your favourite jolly uncle and a Leicester tight-head prop with a stubbed toe can be a dude, he was), Clive Lloyd, the great Adam Gilchrist and surely the dude of all dudes, albeit one with an over-zealous texting thumb, Shane 'one off the wrist' Warne. I'm struggling for a second opener, a No5 and some quicks, though. Can anybody think of ANY

dudely quicks? Maybe Steyn? Apart from him, I'm stumped, as it were." What about Courtney and Curtley? Stone cold dudes in my book. "Dreams & Cricket reminds me of..." elipses Luciano Howard "... a dream I had 4 or 5 years ago now where Sri Lanka were playing India in a Test Match. It was when India's top 5/6 was immense - Sehwag, Laxman, Tendulkar, Dravid etc. all at the peak of their game. SL's side was pretty nifty too. Can't remember many details but Sri Lanka scored 600+ in the first innings and India's reply was around 938 for 6 when I awoke. 54th over: India 144-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 9, Raina 4) Swann starts to Tendulkar, who sweeps fine, if a little aerially, for a couple. "Would India take a Sachin hundred in a losing cause," wonders Nasser, a twinkle in his eye, bringing a devilish chuckle from Bumble. "Is there any hope left for an Indian fan?" wonders Anand. "I think Raina is the key and how long he survives (especially the short ball). I have a sneaky feeling that England will be compensated for the 2007 draw this time around. To make matters worse, I have a two hour long meeting and would have to rely on the WiFi on my phone to keep tracking the score." 55th over: India 144-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 9, Raina 4) And it's Stuart Broad replacing Tremlett from the Nursey end. Who ever told Broad that he should think of himself as a nightclub doorman, eh? He's bowled a beautiful length so far in this Test - though he's dropped it back a touch to Suresh Raina, for whom he has a leg slip and leg gully. He drifts one past the batsman, as Raina attempted to leave outside off, and then fires one into the ribs. Raina gets on top of it well, though. The final ball of the over is a yorker, which is smart but not quite smart enough this time. Maiden over. Arjoon Ashokkumaar makes a good point: "Unfortunately for us, we need two Ellen Ripleys, though Raina might do a good impression weaving, ducking and finally edging heroically to slips. We live to fight another day." 56th over: India 146-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 4) Tendulkar pushes a couple into the leg side off Tremlett, who is on at the Pavilion end in place of Swann. Looks like the India pair, both quite short chaps, are in for a spell of chin music. Prior does well to take a delivery down leg that flicked the pads but it's a quiet over all told. The atmosphere is a little post-prandial, as people digest their scotch eggs and pickled onions. Speaking of lunch ... "How did the cake go down? Shortly after Smyth printed the cake promising e-mail I sent him one threatening that if he didn't print it I would send him an envelope of unspeakable things that I had trimmed off various bits of my body. Naturally he didn't print that (or any of my other e-mails), and so you will shortly be receiving a batch of toe jam to lovingly smother on a slice of your tasty cake." I think we've both got enough toe jam to last us, thanks, Stuart Wilson. Though as Smyth's official taster, that bullet would be coming right at me. 57th over: India 147-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 5) There's a small delay while Tendulkar gets the sightscreen adjusted exactly to his liking - and then there's a huge appeal for lbw off Broad! This time Bowden shakes his head, and there's a question about height ... the ball pitched on a good length and was homing in on middle stump, hitting Tendulkar just around the knee roll. He wasn't far forward - and Hawk Eye shows it would have smacked right into the bails, bang on! A huge let-off for India (needless to say they've also been saved by the lack of DRS) - and an omen for Tendulkar? At the end of the over Broad signalled a question to the balcony about whether it was out and on receiving the answer he hides his face with his hat. Oh woe! And I'd only been praising Billy half an hour ago ... 58th over: India 149-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 6) Prepare your pub chat on "ball-tracking technology" because this is going to be one of the topics of the summer. Imagine [tries reverse double jinx] Tendulkar going on to get his 100th hundred in international cricket, in the 2,000th Test, to save the game for India, having been given a let-off on 11 thanks to a flimsy objection from the tourists to the use of technology in this series. Among those fast-bowling dudes in my inbox, including Wasim and Waqar, Sideshow Bob Willis and Merv Hughes, here's an indisputable shout from Rob Howard: "Michael Holding - A dude if ever there was one."

59th over: India 155-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 12) The question is, would England fans begrudge Tendulkar his achievement in the wake of that decision? The answer, I suspect, is of course they would. There is another guy out there, it's worth mentioning, and Raina is looking a little more comfortable at the crease, despite the rib-ticklers being sent his way. He leans into a crunching cover drive for four but then steps away next ball during Broad's run-up, just before delivery, because again some clown in the stands is moving around behind the bowler's arm. "I was confused by the alien reference but the error is mine - I thought you meant Eileen Drewery of Glen Hoddle fame not Ellen Ripley. That said it could have been an interesting casting. Perhaps Mr Scott missed a trick there." Richard Shean is the man confusing faith healers with face huggers (or killers thereof). 60th over: India 156-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 12) Like a school bully, Tremlett is giving Tendulkar a working over in the corridor. The Little Master is in watchful mode and he has to be, getting a inside edge on to a ball that came back into him, thumping into the pads via the bat. He then laces a backfoot drive straight to the man at point. "Sorry Big Al (may I call you Big Al?), but if it was only hitting the bails, surely the third umpire wouldn't have overturned the not out verdict?" To clarify, I don't mean clipping them, Eamonn Maloney, I mean detonating the wicket exactly where they sit. Though I could just as well have said clattering into the top of middle stump ... Luckily I can go back and rewrite all of this later. 61st over: India 162-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 18) This is an interesting move - Broad is coming around the wicket to Raina. A good idea, trying to change the angle to the left-hander; a touch of reverse swing wouldn't go amiss here, you know. An edge from Raina does fly through the gully region for four, though that won't bother England too much. Jennifer Ellum, meanwhile, has a cunning plan, which is also funny (though none of us actually condone such thinking, of course): "How about: we let this Tendulkar chap get his 100th 100 today and in return India let us win this one... Everyone's a winner. After all, no chance of being busted by the NOTW." 62nd over: India 162-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 18) Tendulkar blocks out an over from Swann as Strauss returns to England's man with the magic spinning finger. An impudent email from William Southworth: "According to Sky yesterday, Tendulkar is all set to give his approval to Hawkeye. Can we ask India's 12th man to find out if that is still the case at the drinks break?" 63rd over: India 164-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 20) Broad goes back over the wicket to Raina and darts one across the left-hander. That was actually a terrific leave from the batsman, shouldering arms as the ball whistled a few inches past his timbers - 'No need to play at that,' he says. The next delivery he can't leave alone and the edge flies low towards the slip cordon on the bounce. I'm sure I ordered a wicket about half an hour ago - it must be on its way ... "I've been trying to work out what the difference is between the Broad who floats the ball down the wicket (most of the summer) and the Broad who looks a world-class quick (the last five days)," writes Gary Naylor. "Length helps of course, but some of it must be balance on the crease that leads to the rhythm that every bowler needs and some of it may in the timing of the snap of the wrist at the point of delivery. It's strange though, because Harmison alternated between floaty and firey too, but I don't think other countries have this problem." I would venture that Broad is just refinding that rhythm after a winter disrupted by injury. He's looking pretty heavenly, if I may say, once again. 64th over: India 164-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 20) An excellent over from Swann, another maiden, flighting the ball devilishly up towards Tendulkar's redoubt. There's an inside edge on to the pads and a mistimed sweep from Sachin, done by the lack of pace on the delivery, to go with plenty of oohs and aahs. It's now 34 balls since Tendulkar scored a run ... Here's Geoff Saunders, who thinks Michael Holding commentates with a White Russian by his side: "Completely agree. I saw him at a Lords Taverners game at Bury St Edmunds running in off a short run up with Willie Carson on his shoulders doing the actual bowling. It was priceless. The commentator, Rory Bremner as Blofeld, said 'Holding coming in from the slightly tatty houses end.'"

65th over: India 164-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 20) Anderson returns and his first ball is a ripsnorter that leave Raina with the smell of hot leather in his nostrils. Jimmy then sees a delivery practically shave the paint off the stumps! Raina played a defensive shot on the back foot which forced the ball down towards the wicket - it bounced just enough in front of the sticks to get back up and over them! "Can we quit with the focus on India's objection to certain aspects of DRS in this series? Test cricket managed to survive quite well until a few years ago without it at all. Just enjoy the cricket. If the umpire makes a mistake, complain about the umpire, like we used to. That was part of the fun too." Robert Speed thinks we can put the genie back in the lamp - which, I'm afraid, we can't. 66th over: India 165-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 12, Raina 20) A run for Tendulkar elicits the biggest cheer of the session. He's hunkered down into defensive mode and England are going to need a crowbar to pry him out. "Surely Inzamam Ul Haq qualifies for Dude status?" says Matthew Swann. "Portly, very good, and astonishingly lethargic, as this exchange from the film Yasmin demonstrates: 'Why does Inzamam only score in boundaries? Because he's too bloody lazy to run between the wickets.'" WICKET! Tendulkar 12 lbw Anderson (67th over: India 165-5) JIMMY YOU BEAUTY! My, this could be a passage that defines the match. Two balls after Andrew Strauss had dropped Tendulkar in the slips, Anderson wiped his brow and came back with an inswinger that pinned the little big guy on the crease. This time Billy Bowden is happy to raise his finger - it was actually a very similar delivery to the one from Broad which led to all the DRS-related cursing. Who needs a crowbar when you've got Jimmy ANderson and his swingers?! 67th over: India 165-5 (target: 458; Raina 20, Dhoni 0) So, Tendulkar goes, despite that let-off from Strauss - he wouldn't have needed to kick himself if Tendulkar had gone on to make a big one, as everyone else would have been queuing up to do it. A good time to publish this from Michael Daniels: "Can we please stop carping about the Tendulkar decision? Accept the decision and get on with it. That's the way the game should be played. Oh, and Gary Naylor is talking rubbish when he suggests that "other countries don't have this problem" that he diagnoses as "floaty" bowling. Bowlers can lose rhythm for many reasons and that will happen to all bowlers all over the world. People are not made any different in Pakistan, or South Africa, or the West Indies, etc. Stop trying to create a problem that isn't there and, what could be considered to be even worse, trying to make it a UK specific problem on absolutely no evidence." REFERRAL! Raina 20 st Prior b Swann (68th over: India 165-5) Matt Prior thinks he's got Suresh Raina and if so, that's a mighty tidy piece of wicketkeeping. It's so close, Raina's back foot appears to right right on the line after Swann lured him out of his crease. There's just a hint of doubt - he might have had a few atoms of a stud behind the line - and the third umpire Marais Erasmus has to give him the benefit. There was a huge cheer from the crowd, which confused me for a moment - I assumed that would have been the reaction of the home support to a wicket. Holy moly me oh my! 69th over: India 165-5 (target: 458; Raina 20, Dhoni 0) So, we're about to find out if MS Dhoni has still got the minerals. He is a man who can do both swashbuckling attack and dogged defence but he's not been in great nick with the bat recently. A wild swish that fails to connect with a wide one from Anderson implies that he may try to take the attack to England. Anyway, I'm sure you're tired of reading words - why not look at some pictures for a bit and give your thinkbox a rest? 70th over: India 167-5 (target: 458; Raina 22, Dhoni 0) Just two off Swann's over, with Raina under suffocating pressure from the close fielders. I wonder if they've brought their jelly beans? Mike Strassell is not going to forget the England captain's drop, even though history probably will: "Give Strauss a bucket, take his cymbals away." 71st over: India 169-5 (target: 458; Raina 23, Dhoni 1) Dhoni is off the mark and off strike with a push into the off-side. If England can remove either of these two before tea they will be very well placed - there are still more than 50 overs scheduled in the day. Danny Clayton is back to reprise, then kill, a burgeoning riff from yesterday: "Further to Rebecca Heller sounding me out for a date - apparently being a scratchy

No4 for an amateur T20 team is enough - I have to let her know that I am still with said gf, mainly because she comes to the rugby with me. We can't have it all now. Thanks for offer though. Anyway I only got 4 before I was bowled." 72nd over: India 173-5 (target: 458; Raina 27, Dhoni 1) "I'll be in a minority of one," says Gareth Fitzgerald, who obviously has confidence issues, "but guitar strumming perma-injured hero of headingly Mark Butcher is a dude. And I always thought Brett 'throatball' Schultz and Phil Tufnel were cool too..." Swann, who is definitely a dude, continues, with Raina picking up a driven four off the first ball. 73rd over: India 177-5 (target: 458; Raina 27, Dhoni 5) Another boundary, this time for Dhoni off Anderson. He cut but cut hard, so even though it was in the air it was never going anywhere other than all the way to the rope. Time for England to try something different? Richard Graveling thinks so: "Get Pietersen on (Strauss, not you of course) ... he's on the crest of a wave, will get some bounce, and he sometimes has the golden arm effect. I think England miss a trick sometimes in not bowling people at the right time - if ever Stuart Broad needed the new ball, it was yesterday after his 74*. Tremlett hadn't bowled well up to then and Broad would have been buzzing." It worked in Adelaide, I suppose. 74th over: India 178-5 (target: 458; Raina 28, Dhoni 5) Swann spins his wheel of fortune again but there are no prizes in this over, which bequeathed just a single to Suresh Raina. And here's an email from Sankaran Krishna, which seemed to land in my inbox at exactly the start of the 67th over ... "Sachin will be out. Whenever Sachin has played so defensively, he's never lasted it out. He will be dismissed soon, unless he ups his scoring rate." Any more nifty predictions, Sankaran? 75th over: India 179-5 (target: 458; Raina 29, Dhoni 5) With the new ball still a few overs away, Strauss turned not to KP but Jonathan Trott to play some filler. Raina, who has been very composed out there, belying his reputation as a bit of a hot head, sees him off. "My brother and I have always used the term "Maaoooow" to describe the floatiness of below-par bowling," yodels Tom Ireland, who may or may not be on the Clarky Cat. "As in I was running in as fast as I could but bowling absolute maaaaaaoooooows. It's not necessarily slow bowling; it's just when the ball comes out slower than your action/ effort suggests, due to any number of reasons dead pitch, bowling into the wind, fatigue. Basically the opposite of that other hard-to-define quality, the "heavy ball." Sorry. The cricket has got a lot more interesting since I starting composing this utter nonsense." 76th over: India 188-5 (target: 458; Raina 33, Dhoni 10) And, what do you know, here comes Pietersen to purvey his finest right-arm pies. He really should practise more, if he's going to bowl in Tests, though - a short ball is chipped for three by Raina (there were some rather optimistic shouts of "catch it") and then Dhoni hammers the final delivery for four. "Speaking as an Ordained Dudeist Priest, I resent the implication (by Matthew Swann, 66th over) that The Dude is lazy. He bowls, doesn't he?" Arf, and indeed tee-hee, Jonathan Westwood. And he's Adam Hellett, to console fair (as far as we know) Rebecca. "In case Miss Heller's heart is breaking, let me console her with the information that Mr Clayton is not at all hot, especially now his head has been swelled. He's all proud on Facebook." 77th over: India 198-5 (target: 458; Raina 43, Dhoni 10) England are in danger of taking their boot off the throat here, with Raina helping himself to two boundaries off Trott. Here's Rob Tyson: "I just gasped in disbelief at the words ".Swann, who is definitely a dude". Any of the Ashes 2010 squad who were caught on camera doing the 'sprinkler' are anything but a 'dude'. I believe Swann has also had his teeth whitened which also rules out being a dude." 78th over: India 203-5 (target: 458; Raina 43, Dhoni 12) My computer is currently saying 'no' more often than 'yes', so apologies for lagging a little ... The 200 comes up with leg byes off Raina's pads. Luke Dealtry proposes some unclassified "'Dudes' (ahem) who may just about make a fringe county dream team: Paul Smith, Keith Piper, Dermot Reeve, Ed Giddins. Just look at that picture of Paul Smith- what a legend."

79th over: India 212-5 (target: 458; Raina 50, Dhoni 14) Strauss decides to dispense with Trott's dobble and brings back the lead singer of Dr Comfort and the Lurid Revelations. Raina tickles a short ball for four down to fine leg to bring up a gutsy fifty, his sixth in 12 Tests. Just one more over until the new ball is available ... 80th over: India 213-5 (target: 458; Raina 50, Dhoni 15) Has Pietersen unlocked another crucial partnership?! He thinks so, with a huge appeal against Raina - it was similar to the dismissal of Gautam Gambhir by Graeme Swann, in that it cannoned into the pad fractionally before the pad. But Asad Rauf this time decides that the ball would have slid down leg, and he's right. "Being an English cricket fan I usually have a certain level of fatalism surrounding my expectations, but for some reason instead of presuming that our bowling attack is going to flounder and India are going to bat through to the close with Tendulkar getting at least 150, I'm really quite excited for this game bring on the next session!" Well, the good news is, Tendulkar's already out, Elizabeth Connor. Though I should keep a stock of fatalism close at hand, if I were you. This one is going the full nine. 81st over: India 218-5 (target: 458; Raina 54, Dhoni 16) England take the new ball for the final over before tea. Anderson is roared in from the top of his run-up, the crowd willing him to bust the bails if not a gut ... Dhoni plays straight, good orthodox stuff, before nudging a single; Raina then gets four as Anderson errs down leg. That's it, the umpires have removed the bails - England still need five more wickets in the 44 overs of what promises to be a mammoth final session. Rob will be back in a bit, so until then, here's the bringer of cake, Katie Cannon: "Hello! It is with much satisfaction that I note the safe arrival of the excellent little cake I sent your way. I trust it was to your liking and I hope it wasn't squashed. I can also confirm that, unless the Co-op are branching out with two fingers to the law, none of the naughtier ingredients of Alice Toklas' recipes were included in this particular cake." It was a little squashed but still quite toothsome. No dodgy side effects as ye- eeeeeurrrgh, ohmygodsineedtogettotheloonow! TEA Hello again. Four years ago England were denied by rain and Dhoni; this time it's Raina and Dhoni. If those two get through the second new ball, which is one over old, England might start to worry for the first time. For now they will be calm, although the parallels with that draw at Old Trafford in 2005 are considerable. In that game Australia were five down at tea and had 43 overs to survive; this time India are five down with 44 overs remaining. 82nd over of 125: India 221-5 (Raina 56, Dhoni 16) Chris Tremlett will bowl the first over of the final session, and his fourth ball is a monster that seams past Dhoni's outside edge and then swings violently the other way to beat Prior. That aside it's a harmless over, and Mikey Holding on Sky reckons he doesn't look quite right physically. "It is with much satisfaction that I note the safe arrival of the excellent little cake I sent your way," says Katie Cannon. "I trust it was to your liking and I hope it wasn't squashed. I can also confirm that, unless the Co-op are branching out with two fingers to the law, none of the naughtier ingredients of Alice Toklas' recipes were included in this particular cake." Darn. There goes my excuse for the rambling shambles I intend to inflict on twos of readers over the next three hours. 83rd over of 125: India 221-5 (Raina 56, Dhoni 16) Anderson starts with a beauty that moves down the slope to beat Dhoni's defensive push. A maiden, and a good one. In other news, Leigh Marles has a simple message: "C'mon Tim!" 84th over of 125: India 223-5 (Raina 57, Dhoni 16) My computer crashed. I can't be bothered typing the whole entry from the over. You didn't miss much, just one windy woof from Dhoni at a very full, wide delivery from Tremlett. 85th over of 125: India 223-5 (Raina 57, Dhoni 16) The computer keeps crashing. BAH! Sorry about this. You haven't missed much, just a screwed single from Raina off Anderson. England haven't quite been at their best with the second new ball. They are not bowling badly, but nor do they quite have the

murderous purpose of earlier in the day. "Surely the best English dude is Essex legend Ronnie Irani," says Kate Vogelsgang. "Anyone who can do impressions of Merv Hughes on the boundary in Australia and get the reaction he did surely ranks high on the scales of dudeness? Proper legend is Ronnie." WICKET! India 225-6 (Dhoni c Prior b Tremlett 16) Tremlett has struck! Dhoni fenced outside off at a shortish delivery that just grazed the edge on its way through to Prior. Some of the England players didn't appeal at first particularly Strauss, who closed his eyes in disappointment, thinking it had beaten the bat but Prior went straight up and so did Asad Rauf's finger. England are within sniffing distance of a brilliant victory. 86th over of 125: India 227-6 (Raina 60, Harbhajan 1) Harbhajan, on a pair, digs out a superb yorker first ball. Harbhajan didn't fancy the short stuff at all against Tremlett in the first innings, so that was a good double bluff from Tremlett, and really well played by Harbhajan. "Assuming we don't knock these five wickets off how many tests will that now be that we haven't won due to Strauss and his ridiculously over-defensive declarations? Not to mention his over-sentimentality in allowing players in the middle to reach milestone scores. There's an argument that Prior's ton is a bit devalued anyway as it was clear we were staying out until he had got it and the Indian bowlers were more than happy to let us stay out in the middle and take more time out of the game." There is indeed an argument that Prior's hundred it devaued; there's also an argument that spreading Marmite on your nipples is the key to a rewarding sex life. As for the declarations, here's the full list of games that England have drawn under Strauss after declaring in the third innings. I don't know that I agree, but I can understand the sentiment. 87th over of 125: India 228-6 (Raina 60, Harbhajan 1) Harbhajan is no clown with the bat. But, like most of India's lower order, he is much more comfortable when he is swinging the bat. He defends solidly in that over from Anderson, mind. England 228 more deliveries in which to take four wickets. "I'm glad you enjoyed Katie Cannon's cake," says Seb Falk, "but I feel duty-bound to challenge your report (over 33) that it was the 'first ever'. It may have been five years ago, but Sean Ingle said *MY* brownies were delicious (ninth over of this link). Prior didn't do so well that day, but the brownies raised 145 of London Marathon sponsorship from generous OBO readers and sparked a flood of further cake offers. I can't say whether those cakes ever arrived but, if you'd like some more of those brownies, let me know and I'll see what I can do... (I'm sure even the saintly journalists at the Guardian are not immune to all temptations...)" It's almost as if I think the world starts and stops with me! 88th over of 125: India 235-6 (Raina 62, Harbhajan 5) There has been a bit of uneven bounce with the second new ball, and a Tremlett grubber goes through Prior for a bye. It's a blessing in disguise for England as it allows Tremlett to have a bowl at Harbhajan. His first ball brings a biggish LBW shout when Harbhajan walks across his stumps. Too high. Harbhajan ignores a couple of short balls and then slaps the third over mid off with languid disdain Shot! "Is Leigh Marles ("C'mon Tim!") suggesting that England are flattering to deceive, and will take us to the brink of victory before breaking our hearts?" says Ben Callus. "Surely being 20/20 world champions shows that we are more than just perennial Wimbledon quarterfinalists?" That is a disgraceful, unacceptable slur on the reputation of a good man. Henman sometimes got to the semi-finals before crumbling like an Englishman. Anyway, apropos nowt, have you seen this clip before? And you thought Gambhir had it bad. 89th over of 125: India 240-6 (Raina 63, Harbhajan 9) Broad replaces Anderson, which is presumably so that they can hit Harbhajan with short stuff from both ends. Harbhajan is in feisty mood though, and he cuts another boundary through the covers. "This is a huge physical and mental effort from England's fourman attack," says Gary Naylor. "Rightly so Test cricket should be bloody tough. But is it fair to expect them to be running in again on Friday? I'm not even sure that it's fair on the fans." That's what squad rotation is or at least should be for. Bresnan could come in for Tremlett, especially as it swings at Trent Bridge. As for the itinerary, it's clearly scandalous, but nothing will be done. 90th over of 125: India 240-6 (Raina 63, Harbhajan 9) Ah, Anderson has switched to the Pavilon End. He has figures of five for 65 at the Nursery End and nought for 70-odd at the Pavilion End in the match. He goes around the wicket to Raina, who drives at a big outswinger and is beaten. Beautifully bowled. "Re:

over 82," says Jon Ryan. "If Chris Tremlett doesn't look quite right physically, there is truly no hope for any of us." 91st over of 125: India 243-6 (Raina 63, Harbhajan 12) What a sensational over from Stuart Broad! How did he not take a wicket? First Harbhajan top-edges a short ball from Broad over the keeper's head; then he's dropped by Morgan at point, a dolly by modern standards; and then Raina gets away with a plumb LBW! Billy Bowden said not out, and in truth it was a shocker. It pitched on middle, came back sharply and would have hit middle halfway up. At the end of the over, Bowden tells an incredulous Broad that he thought Raina had hit it. He didn't. "Bat?" says Broad, eyes widening in disbelief. We shouldn't be too harsh on Billy Bowden, who has been brilliant for almost all of the match. WICKET! India 243-7 (Harbhajan c Tremlett b Anderson 12) England are so close now. Harbhajan pulls Anderson high to mid on, where Tremlett holds on safely before tensing that almighty right forearm in celebration. It was a poor stroke from Harbhajan really. At the risk of sounding like a cliche merchant and a racist from the 1960s, he doesn't like it up him. 92nd over of 125: India 243-7 (Raina 63, Kumar 0) "I'm ridiculously happy that Broad is back in such brilliant form," Says Steve Churnin. "He seems to be quite unpopular in this country on the grounds that he shows passion and occasionally petulance. How is that a bad thing? The lads got a bit of personality! I am, though, pleased he didnt clobber Billy Bowden, which looked on the cards as he was saying 'bat?'." 93rd over of 125: India 247-7 (Raina 67, Kumar 0) Raina flicks Broad off middle stump to the fine-leg boundary. He will have to start fiddling the strike soon, but not at the end of the over. Broad keeps Rainia on strike, which means Anderson will have a go at Kumar. "Ooo its getting interesting," says Mischa Eligoloff. "If the pressure is getting to any of your readers and they need something to calm them, they can watch this short film about Art on the English Riviera it's rather lovely." 94th over of 125: India 250-7 (Raina 69, Kumar 1) Raina tries to steal a single from Anderson's first ball, but Kumar sends him back and then tells him to calm down. Kumar is a wonderfully eccentric character. He's now having a long chat with Anderson, a big smile on his face. Roberto Mancini wouldn't like that. WICKET! India 256-8 (Kumar b Broad 2) Wonderful bowling from Stuart Broad, who jags a big off cutter through the gate to bowl Kumar. What a beautiful delivery. England need two wickets for a mighty victory. They can't Costanza this now, surely? 95th over of 125: India 256-8 (Raina 74, Zaheer Khan 0) Raina had taken a single off the third ball of the over, a dubious tactic that gave Kumar three balls to survive against Broad. The third ball brought the wicket. "As Bowden thought Raina had hit it, then England could have reviewed that couldn't they?" says Andrew Benbow. "Then it would have been up to the umpire if it was hitting the stumps If he'd have said not out then, well, there's no hope is there?" That's all far too complicated for me to process. Logically you are right, but one of the problems is that Billy Bowden didn't tell England the reason for the decision until after the 15 seconds were up. Anyway, I think all LBW reviews are banned. It's a slight glitch in the system either way. REVIEW! India 256-8 (Raina not out 74) England have used up their second and final review. Raina tried to drag the bat down on very good delivery from Anderson that zipped through the gate and over the stumps. England thought there might have been a thin inside edge, but Asad Rauf said not out and replays confirmed it was another fine decision. WICKET! India 260-9 (Raina c Strauss b Anderson 78) He's got him this time! Two balls after that failed review, Anderson strikes with a brillliant piece of bowling. It was a sharp a leg-cutter to the lefthander from around the wicket; Raina had to play at it, and could only edge it through to Prior. It's a glorious dismissal, and Anderson has his five-for. He snaps his head back, shaking it dementedly as he

yells with delight. After four days in which he looked out of sorts, he has been magnificent today. Those of us who thought he would never be a Test-class attack leader look very silly these days. 96th over of 125: India 261-9 (Zaheer Khan 0, Sharma 1) Remember when England were rubbish at cricket? WICKET! India 261 all out (Sharma LBW b Broad 1). ENGLAND WIN BY 196 RUNS! It's all over! Broad traps Sharma in front of off and middle stump, and Billy Bowden raises the crooked finger one last time. England form an impromptu huddle, jumping up and down to celebrate an outstanding victory. They have bowled brilliantly today on a pitch that, though not quite the usual Lord's will-breaker, was still very flat for the last day of a Test. England's bowlers hunted India's batsmen with merciless intent, applying indecent levels of pressure. They were not affected by a couple of dodgy decisions against them, or by the fact that, until the last half hour, wickets did not come in clusters. It was an awesome performance, it really was. They are closer than we realise to something that would define their entire lives. If England will this series by two matches, they will be the best Test team in the world for the first time in over 50 years. Still, let's not get ahead of ourselves. India will legitimately point to their rust and injury problems, and you know they will come back hard at Trent Bridge. That match starts on Friday. It can wait for now. Tonight is about indecent levels of man-love (or woman-love) for the England cricket team, and for Test cricket. The 2000th Test has been a minor classic. Cheers for your emails. I'll leave the last word to Mark Sedgwick. "Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. That is all."