136 Twistory

The Fairly OddParents
“Twistory”
#136
PLEASE RESPOND WITH APPROVAL BY 11.14.01
Written By:
Jack Thomas and Steve Marmel and Butch Hartman
First Draft:
10.3.01
Revised First Draft:
10.22.01
Second Draft:
10.29.01
Third Draft:
11.8.01
Final Draft:
11.9.01
Nickelodeon Animation Studios

The Fairly OddParents: "Twistory" final script by Hartman/Marmel/Thomas 11.9.01 2
c 2001 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - AFTERNOON
COSMO AND WANDA fly back and forth playing a fairy version of tag.
WANDA
(tags Cosmo)
Tag! You're it.
COSMO
(tags back)
Tag! You're a mitt.
She turns into a MITT and goes after Cosmo.
WANDA
(tags back)
Tag! You're a zit!
Cosmo turns into a ZIT and chases Wanda.
COSMO
(tags Wanda)
Tag! You're a twit!
Wanda becomes a duplicate of COSMO.
COSMO
Hey! That's not funny!
(tags her)
Tag! You're spit.
POOF! Wanda returns to normal, and rears back as though she were going to
hock a gigantic loogie at Cosmo.
WANDA
(CREATING PHLEGM NOISE)
WHAM! The door flies open between Cosmo and Wanda. We hear a <<SPLAT>>.
Cosmo looks up and sees Timmy. He's furious.
COSMO
Timmy! Thank heavens you're...
(realizing Timmy's
pissed)
SHE DID IT!
POOF! Cosmo makes Wanda appear in front of him.
TIMMY
No she didn't, I did. I forgot I had to do a
massive report on the American Revolution!
And it's due TOMORROW!!
COSMO
Oh...well, she did it!!!!
Timmy thumps down on his bed, totally freaked out.
TIMMY
I'll never get all the information I need to
do the report in time!
WANDA
Don't worry, Timmy. All you have to do is
apply yourself seriously!
ON COSMO - BING! A LIGHT BULB appears over his head!
COSMO
Or you could do a talk show! And bring
the founding fathers here and interview
them!
TIMMY
That's a great idea!
Wanda unscrews the light bulb. IT goes off.
WANDA
That's a horrible idea! You can't just yank
people out of their time periods! They might be
doing something important!
LONG BEAT. Timmy screws the light bulb back into Cosmo's head -- it goes
back on.
COSMO
Or they might just be on the toilet! I say
go for it!
TIMMY
I'm with the light bulb fairy.
CUT TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S TREE HOUSE - NIGHT
CAMERA PUSHES IN AS WE HEAR: TALK SHOW THEME MUSIC ALA "THE

TONIGHT SHOW" WE HEAR COSMO'S VOICE O.S.
COSMO (O.S)
Live! From Timmy's Tree house, high
above the backyard, in beautiful
downtown Dimmsdale, It's time for, "The
Timmy Turner Show!"
WE HEAR AN AUDIENCE APPLAUD!!
A VIDEO MONTAGE of "classic" moments from "The Timmy Turner Show"

crawls across the screen: TIMMY wearing a Used car SALESMAN SUIT. Timmy
wearing a SWAMI OUTFIT holding an ENVELOPE to his head. Timmy getting a
HATCHET thrown at him by a CIRCUS PERFORMER, Timmy with a MEERKAT on
his head, etc.
COSMO (O.S.)
Join Timmy and his special guests as he
tries to complete the big history report he
blew off!
CUT TO:
INT. TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME
The tree house looks just like a TALK SHOW SET. You know, the real kind. Not
the kind that travels around the country on the back of a flatbed semi. Desk,
chairs, backdrop, and, of course, The Timmy Turner Show BAND.
ON COSMO Talking into a MIC, ala Ed McMahon.
COSMO (V.O.)
...and Now....heeeeeere's Timmy!!
AUDIENCE (O.S.)
Yaaaaayyyy!!!!!!
TIMMY, wearing a snazzy SUIT AND TIE, saunters out onto the stage.
TIMMY
Thank you. Thank you. Let's say hello to
my good friend, Wanda!
He playfully points to the band leader.

ON BAND - WANDA playfully points back as she conducts the PLAYERS with
her magic wand.
TIMMY
Any big plans for the weekend, Wanda?
WANDA
Actually, some of the boys and I are-
BACK ON TIMMY as he turns to the camera and cuts her off.
TIMMY
That's great! Boy, Cosmo, school sure was
hard today!!
ON THE AUDIENCE
All the SEATS are empty. Cosmo POOFS! Himself (COSMO CLONES) into every
seat.
COSMO AUDIENCE
How hard was it?
ON TIMMY
TIMMY
Umm... Hard.
(CRICKETS)
Hey, we have a great show for you tonight!
Here to help me with my report are three of
the founding fathers themselves:
Wanda waves her wand and GEORGE WASHINGTON, BEN FRANKLIN and
THOMAS JEFFERSON appear on the couch!
TIMMY
Please say hello to the father of our
country, George Washington!
George Washington stands up.
WASHINGTON
Thank you, thank you... I... must... Not...
Washington gets a crazed look in his eye.
TIMMY
Mr. Washington?
WASHINGTON
Can't... Fight... MUST CHOP WOOD!!!
George whips out a HAND AX and starts chopping at Timmy's desk. We

hear canned audience laughter.
TIMMY
Hey! That's my desk! Don't chop my desk!
Franklin, who flies his KITE two inches above his head with his KEY attached,
and still jittery from the electric shock, leans in.
FRANKLIN
Let it go, kid...
(BZZT!)
He can't help himself. It started with the
cherry tree and it's been chop chop chop
ever since.
TIMMY
(gestures to Franklin)
Benjamin Franklin, everybody! Statesman,
inventor and the man who discovered
electricity.
FRANKLIN
Thanks!
(bzzt!)
I've discovered it's great to be here!
TIMMY
And last but least, the guy who wrote the
Declaration of Independence, Thomas
Jefferson!
Jefferson, holds his QUILL in the air.
JEFFERSON
Write on! Get it? Write! With a "W"? I
Write??
ON THE COSMO AUDIENCE: They stare silently.
ON TIMMY.
TIMMY
Not so easy, is it?
JEFFERSON
But I'm funny! Somebody keeps cutting
my best lines from the declaration of
independence!
WASHINGTON
I don't see why the declaration of
independence needed a joke about my
wooden teeth.
TIMMY
We'll be right back, after this!
COSMO (O.S.)
Time travel arrangements for the Timmy
Turner Show are made possible by
Timmy's magical Time Scooter!!
Cosmo gestures to Timmy's TIME SCOOTER (from "Father Time") parked

nearby.
ANGLE ON DESK - Timmy sits at the desk holding INDEX CARDS. Wanda flies
in.
WANDA
Timmy, we need to wrap this up and get
your "guests" back fast before we screw
up time - again.
TIMMY
Relax! I ask a few questions, get what I
need for my report, do the vacuum
cleaner salesman sketch and I'll get 'em
back right away.
Timmy turns to his guests who are not there! The COUCH is empty!
TIMMY
Oh, man! They're gone!
ANGLE ON COSMO AUDIENCE
COSMO AUDIENCE
How gone are they?
WANDA
We better find them fast! Every second

they're gone, the chance that history will
change increases exponentially.
(off their dumb looks)
That means "A lot."
(more dumb looks)
It's bad.
COSMO
How bad is it?
WANDA
Stop it!
TIMMY
I can't send them back until I get what I need
for my report! Let's go!!
Timmy and Wanda <ZIP> o.s. Cosmo turns to the camera.
COSMO
The Timmy Turner Show will be right back
after these messages!!!
The screen goes to STATIC.
MATCH DISSOLVE:
INT. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
ON TV SCREEN filled with static. PULL BACK TO SEE it's the TV in the living
room, and a furious DAD is pounding on it.
DAD
Blast this TV! I can't see any of my 300
channels! Where's that repairman?
Washington enters and notices the glowing box that is Dad's TV.
WASHINGTON
This glowing box... so large and made of
wood... I... I... AAAA!!!
Washington hits the TV with his AXE. The box is ruined, but the picture is clear.
DAD
It's fixed! I should pay you!
Dad pulls a DOLLAR from his shoe. MOM yells from the kitchen.
MOM (O.S)
You know you're not allowed to touch the
money, Dear!!
DAD
(nervously looking at the dollar)
Hey! You're the guy on the money! Would
you sign this?
WASHINGTON
Who am I, John Hancock?
Ben Franklin enters and immediately is drawn to the light bulb in the LAMP in
the room. Timmy also enters.
FRANKLIN
Hancock! That's funny, George.
(to Timmy)
How do you get lightning into these small
containers?
He grabs the bulb. It's hot.
FRANKLIN
OW!
(grabs again; hot)
OW!
(grabs again; hot)
OW!
Mom comes out of the kitchen with Jefferson.
MOM
Honey! Look! It's the guy on the nickel!
WASHINGTON
Ha! Nickel! I'm on the dollar.
DAD
(re: Franklin)
And that's the guy on the hundred! If I
can't touch the money, can I at least touch
him??
FRANKLIN
Excuse me?
MOM
That's it! You know how your Dad gets
when he's around people who are on the
money! Out! Out!
As Timmy and the founding fathers exit, Mom spies the dollar in Dad' s hand
and snatches it.
DAD
(disappointed)
Awwwwww...
Franklin reaches in and steals the light bulb
FRANKLIN
OW!
The lights go out.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. - TREE HOUSE - LATER
Timmy and the historical guys are back on the talk show set. Timmy is
finishing his interview ala' talk show host. Franklin is still holding his light
bulb.
FRANKLIN
...and that's how I came up with the first fire
department
BZZT! One of his periodic shocks hits Franklin. The bulb lights for a second,
which heats it back up-
FRANKLIN
OW! ... and the library!
Timmy scribbles in a NOTE PAD.
TIMMY
Interesting! Or should I say- "enlightening"
JEFFERSON
Hey, a pun!
Wanda flies in.
WANDA
Timmy! We need to take a break. We gotta

get these guys back to their time period!!
They've been here too long already!
There's a WINDOW where we can see Dad's car in the driveway.
TIMMY
Relax, Wanda! We're still okay! Besides, I think if
history had changed, we'd have noticed now,
right?
SFX: There's a rumble and then... <POOF!> The lights all vanish and are
replaced by TORCHES AND CANDLES AND LANTERNS.
TIMMY
Right?
<POOF!> Timmy's house becomes a 17th century European TUDOR-STYLE

HOUSE. <POOF!> THE BIG BEN CLOCK TOWER appears next to it. A FLAG with
the Union Jack Emblem flies from the top of Timmy's house.
TIMMY
(English accent) ROIGHT?
(normal) I mean right?
WANDA
Oh no! Everything's turning... British!!
COSMO AUDIENCE
(English accent)
'Ow British....
WANDA
Pipe down, you silly nit!!!
Dad exits the house, wearing proper TURN OF THE CENTURY ENGLISH
CLOTHING - a bowler and a monocle. He has hideous YELLOW TEETH.
DAD
(British Accent)
Blimey, son! Look! I'm touching a POUND
NOTE!!
Mom - also wearing TURN OF THE CENTURY BRITISH GARB, comes out and
takes the POUND NOTE from Dad's hand.
MOM
I'll take that, Luv.
DAD
'Oi...
BACK ON TIMMY
He looks down the street as all the neighborhood PEOPLE - now dressed in British
garb. He also looks at the torches lighting his tree house.
TIMMY
(to historical guys)
Oh no! Because you guys were gone too long,
America is still a British colony and devoid of
electricity!
JEFFERSON
Hey, what about the stuff that's changed
because I wasn't around?
TIMMY
And funnier!
WASHINGTON AND FRANKLIN

(SHARE A GOOD LAUGH)
WASHINGTON
Don't forget about taxation without
representation.
TIMMY
Huh?
Suddenly, a TAXMAN pops his head into the tree house.
TAXMAN
'Ello! Taxman here!
He enters carrying a SACK. As he addresses Timmy and the others, he takes

money from their pockets.
TAXMAN
(to Franklin)
Fat Tax.
(to Washington)
False teeth tax.
(to Jefferson)
Not funny tax.
JEFFERSON
But, but, but...
TAXMAN
No snappy comeback tax.
He takes from Jefferson twice.
JEFFERSON
Darn it!
TAXMAN
(to Timmy)
You owe a tree house, buck teeth, and pink
hat tax.
(to Cosmo and Wanda)
Wand tax.
He snatches their wands and puts them in his bag.
TAXMAN
Ta Ta!! You know, if you add two "x's", it
would be, "Tax! Tax!"
Jefferson takes his money back.
JEFFERSON
Pun tax rebate.
TAXMAN
Darn it!
The Taxman bolts OS.
WANDA
Oh no! Without our wands, we can't use
our magic to change everything back!
TIMMY
(British)
I say. This is a bit of a sticky wicket.
(snaps out of the British)
I mean. Dude! This stinks!
Washington steps up to Timmy.

WASHINGTON
I cannot tell a lie. Kid, you messed up big
time!
ON COSMO
COSMO
Hey, that's MY job! Gimme a second. I'll
think of something. Wait for it. Wait for it.
Timmy grabs a candle and puts it over Cosmo's head. DING!!
COSMO
Hey, I've got an idea!! Why doesn't he take
everybody back on the time scooter?
Timmy grabs his Time Scooter...
TIMMY
Great idea, Cosmo! (to self) Boy, there's
three words I never thought I'd say in a
row. Hop on everybody!
Franklin gets on behind Timmy. Jefferson gets on his back. Washington hops on the
handlebars like a ten year old kid. Cosmo and Wanda jump on as well.
Cosmo grabs the candle.
COSMO
Hang on! We may need this!
(beat) OW!
Timmy starts the scooter and it whooshes it's way through time with it's
passengers just barely hanging on.
CUT TO:
EXT. - PHILADELPHIA / INDEPENDANCE HALL - DAY
It's 1776 ! PEOPLE IN HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGES, etc.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. - INDEPENDENCE HALL - SAME TIME
All the FOUNDING FATHERS are there in the BG.

JOHN HANCOCK is at a desk/podium, anal-retentively signing every piece of

PAPER in front of him.
ON BENEDICT ARNOLD - scheming.
BENEDICT ARNOLD
(to self)
Heh..heh... ...now that Washington, Franklin and
Jefferson have mysteriously vanished, just as they
were about to do something really important, I,
Benedict Arnold, will be able to betray the
American Revolution!
He pulls out a SCROLL, slaps on a Washington WIG and pops in some

WOODEN TEETH. He now looks -- sort of -- like George Washington. He walks
up to Hancock.
BENEDICT ARNOLD
Well hello, John Hancock! It is I, your long time pal,
George Washington! See my white hair, wooden teeth
and love of all things free?
JOHN HANCOCK
You seem ...different.
BENEDICT ARNOLD
I got a hair cut. They're gonna, you know,
put me on the money.
JOHN HANCOCK
Really?
BENEDICT ARNOLD
Yeah, yeah... you know.... anyway... I brought
you a present! To sign!
He pulls out the scroll.
BENEDICT ARNOLD
It's called "The Declaration of
Surrenderpendance."
JOHN HANCOCK
"We the people of the United States... give
up?"
(beat)
Well, I dunno...
BENEDICT ARNOLD
C'mon Hancock, sign it. Sign it really big.
JOHN HANCOCK
I like signing things really big!
He starts to sign, when... we hear the FWASH of the time scooter.
TIMMY (V.O.)
DON'T DO IT!
WASHINGTON
PTOOOI!
Hancock starts to sign it. Suddenly, a pair of WOODEN TEETH fly in from OS.
And crack against Hancock's hand...
JOHN HANCOCK
OW! MY HAND!
...and fly back into Washington's mouth like a boomerang. We WIDEN TO

REVEAL the real Washington, Jefferson and Franklin! Washington and Benedict
Arnold look exactly alike.
WASHINGTON
Don't listen to him! I cannot tell a lie! I'm the real
George Washington! Can't you see my white hair
and the wooden teeth and the love of all things
free?
BENEDICT ARNOLD
Hey! That's my line!
George and Benedict jump each other and roll around fighting. Franklin and
Jefferson pull them apart, but now there's no way for the audience to tell
who's who. The founding fathers mull about.
TIMMY
(to Cosmo and Wanda)
Oh no! One of them is going to turn the future
America into a yellow toothed, electricity-
deprived rat hole!
COSMO
Yeah! And the other is going to turn it into

a brightly lit, democratically run rat hole!
JOHN HANCOCK
But, I can't tell which is which!
FOUNDING FATHERS
(CONFUSED WALLA)
TIMMY
Think, Timmy... think...
Cosmo hands Timmy the candle.
COSMO
Here you go.
TIMMY
Thanks.
Timmy holds it over his head.
TIMMY
(hot candle)
OW! I've got an idea!! And wax burns!!
Timmy reaches OS. And grabs a COAT RACK.
BENEDICT ARNOLD
A coat rack?
TIMMY
Not just a coat rack! A beautifully carved
totally pristine...
ON WASHINGTON who starts to shake with his desire to choppity chop.
TIMMY (O.S.)
...wonderfully lacquered, solid oak,
wooden coat rack!!
BENEDICT ARNOLD
So what?
WASHINGTON
AAA!
Washington lunges at the coat rack and chops it in half. The continental
congress sighs and points at George.
FOUNDING FATHERS
That's Washington.
BENEDICT ARNOLD
Darn it!
He rips off his wig and pulls out FALSE WOODEN TEETH.
CONGRESS
Benedict Arnold!
WASHINGTON
I knew he was a traitor!
TIMMY
Yeah, the biggest traitor in American
History!
BENEDICT ARNOLD
And I would have gotten away with it too if it
weren't for that meddling kid!
FRANKLIN
He's right...
Franklin grabs the candle.
FRANKLIN
OW! I've got an idea... We should do
something nice for the pink-hatted lad!!
Jefferson holds up a DOLLAR BILL.
JEFFERSON
We could put him on the dollar!
WASHINGTON
Hey!
ON TIMMY - as he and Cosmo and Wanda gets on his Time Scooter.
TIMMY
Well, all you guys gotta do is sign the
declaration of independance and we can
be on our way!
HANCOCK
We can't!
Hancock's hand is throbbing and injured from George Washington's "Mouth-A-

Rang."
HANCOCK
George Washington's fake teeth and love of
all things free broke my hand! Now we're one
signature short!
Everybody looks at Timmy.
TIMMY
I can't sign this! I'm ten!
FRANKLIN
Okay, if you want to live in a future without
electricity, full of bad teeth and wax burns
when you try to think of something...
TIMMY
Give me that!
Timmy grabs the quill and dramatically signs the Declaration of

Independence.
JOHN HANCOCK
You call that a signature?
CUT TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S TREE HOUSE - SAME TIME
Timmy arrives back, ala Scooter, with Cosmo and Wanda. Everything seems
like it's back to normal.
TIMMY
Awesome! We're not British and we have
electricity!
POOF! Cosmo and Wanda appear next to Timmy. POOF! Their wands
reappear!
DAD (O.S.)
Blast this TV!
CUT TO:
INT. - TIMMY'S LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
Timmy runs in as Dad angrily pounds the TV. The picture is all FUZZ.
DAD
I can't see any of my 300 channels!
Where's that repairman?
A GUY walks in, wearing the standard TV repairman outfit.
REPAIRMAN
I got it.
The guy pulls out an axe and smacks it as hard as he can. He destroys the TV,
but weirdly enough, the picture is fine. Mom enters.
DAD
Hey! You fixed it! I should pay you!
Dad reaches into his other shoe and pulls out a DOLLAR. Mom grabs it.
MOM
Ah ah ah!
DAD
Aw...
The repairman grabs the dollar and looks at it.
REPAIRMAN
Hey! You're the kid on the dollar! Can I
have your autograph?
TIMMY
Who am I, John Hancock?
Timmy exits. Off the repairman's puzzled look, we-
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S SCHOOL - THE NEXT DAY
PUSH IN ON the school.
TIMMY (O.S.)
Please welcome my first guest... George
Washington!
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. - CLASSROOM - THE NEXT DAY
Timmy now sits at a KID-MADE TALK SHOW SET. It's lame compared to the
magic one. Timmy holds WANDA NOTE CARDS and talks into a COSMO
MICROPHONE. On the side, CROCKER looks bored beyond measure.
CROCKER
He doesn't LOOK like Washington.
WIDEN TO REVEAL that Timmy has placed his talk show set in the front of
Crocker's class and is interviewing CHESTER (as George Washington) and AJ
(as Ben Franklin)
CHESTER
Sure I do! Can't you see my white hair,
wooden braced teeth and love of all things
free?
TIMMY
And you, Ben Franklin, invented the fire
department and electricity, didn't you?
AJ
And the library! I invented that too!
CLASS
BOOOO!!!!!
TIMMY
And if I had another friend, we'd talk about
Thomas Jefferson!
Crocker steps into scene.
CROCKER
You know, Turner, some people would find this
style of delivering a report imaginative and
deserving of reward!
TIMMY
Thanks!
CROCKER
Unfortunately, I am not one of those
people! You failed!
As Crocker turns away-
COSMO
How failed is he?
And on that, we... IRIS OUT. THE END

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136 Twistory

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The Fairly OddParents

PLEASE RESPOND WITH APPROVAL BY 11.14.01

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

c 2001 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - AFTERNOON

She turns into a MITT and goes after Cosmo.

Cosmo turns into a ZIT and chases Wanda.

Wanda becomes a duplicate of COSMO.

POOF! Cosmo makes Wanda appear in front of him.

Timmy thumps down on his bed, totally freaked out.

ON COSMO - BING! A LIGHT BULB appears over his head!

Wanda unscrews the light bulb. IT goes off.

EXT. - TIMMY'S TREE HOUSE - NIGHT

CAMERA PUSHES IN AS WE HEAR: TALK SHOW THEME MUSIC ALA "THE

WE HEAR AN AUDIENCE APPLAUD!!

A VIDEO MONTAGE of "classic" moments from "The Timmy Turner Show"

INT. TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME

ON COSMO Talking into a MIC, ala Ed McMahon.

He playfully points to the band leader.

BACK ON TIMMY as he turns to the camera and cuts her off.

George Washington stands up.

Washington gets a crazed look in his eye.

George whips out a HAND AX and starts chopping at Timmy's desk. We

Jefferson, holds his QUILL in the air.

ON THE COSMO AUDIENCE: They stare silently.

Cosmo gestures to Timmy's TIME SCOOTER (from "Father Time") parked

ANGLE ON COSMO AUDIENCE

We better find them fast! Every second

Timmy and Wanda <ZIP> o.s. Cosmo turns to the camera.

The screen goes to STATIC.

INT. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

He grabs the bulb. It's hot.

Mom comes out of the kitchen with Jefferson.

Franklin reaches in and steals the light bulb

The lights go out.

INT. - TREE HOUSE - LATER

Timmy scribbles in a NOTE PAD.

Wanda flies in.

Timmy! We need to take a break. We gotta

There's a WINDOW where we can see Dad's car in the driveway.

<POOF!> Timmy's house becomes a 17th century European TUDOR-STYLE

WASHINGTON AND FRANKLIN

Suddenly, a TAXMAN pops his head into the tree house.

He enters carrying a SACK. As he addresses Timmy and the others, he takes

Not funny tax.

He takes from Jefferson twice.

He snatches their wands and puts them in his bag.

Jefferson takes his money back.

The Taxman bolts OS.

Washington steps up to Timmy.

Timmy grabs a candle and puts it over Cosmo's head. DING!!

Timmy grabs his Time Scooter...

Cosmo grabs the candle.

EXT. - PHILADELPHIA / INDEPENDANCE HALL - DAY

It's 1776 ! PEOPLE IN HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGES, etc.

INT. - INDEPENDENCE HALL - SAME TIME

All the FOUNDING FATHERS are there in the BG.

JOHN HANCOCK is at a desk/podium, anal-retentively signing every piece of

ON BENEDICT ARNOLD - scheming.

He pulls out a SCROLL, slaps on a Washington WIG and pops in some

He pulls out the scroll.

He starts to sign, when... we hear the FWASH of the time scooter.

...and fly back into Washington's mouth like a boomerang. We WIDEN TO