Overcoming Fear

Overcoming Fear of Failure
3/2/2014
kishor.adhikari@christuniversity.in
3/2/2014
Brainstorming
Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all?
Does a fear of failure mean, subconsciously you undermine your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?
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Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another The fear of failing can be immobilizing it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore, resist moving forward
But when we allow fear to stop our forward move in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way
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Contents
What is Fear? Activity I Consequences of Fear of failure Activity II Causes of Fear of Failure Multiple Perspectives Cognitive model of Fear of Failure Activity III
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What is Fear?
Emotions play an important part in our daily lives Fear is one such emotion that is pre-programmed into all animals. It works as an instinctual response to potential danger. Fear comes in different forms such as: anxiety, alarm, worry, panic, phobias, etc.,
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Fear is a natural response to recognize and respond to danger Healthy Fear -- a fear that has a protective function and is therefore, adaptive. A small amount of fear before an important speech serves a purpose it encourages you to focus on your topic and avoid making mistakes. This is one of the types of fear that can be useful to sharpen our minds.
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Unhealthy Fear -- a fear that leads to exaggerated and violent behavior
Some types of fear that are excessive can become crippling, or even make you feel like escaping when it is not appropriate to do so. It can escalate to a point where it effects our daily functioning.
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Activity I Fear in a Hat

People write personal fears anonymously on pieces of paper which are collected Then each person reads someone else's fear to group and explains how the person might feel
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- Fear of failure leads us to not completing projects. If we finish and never have another good idea again, were failures - If our project does not go as we expect then we might think we are failures. The only thing we hear is F.A.I.L.U.R.E. and it drives us every second of every day
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Consequences of Fear of Failure

It is not failure itself that students fear, but certain negative consequences associated with under-achieving
Students specifying what they are actually scared of often refer to the following consequences:
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Personal: Feeling ashamed about ones own inability and incompetence, the hurt from having to acknowledge own shortcomings and limitations, feeling guilty and worthless Interpersonal: Disappointing parents, receiving ridicule from classmates, and loosing the professors trust and support
Career-related: Less chances in the job market and there by getting less chances to have a decent income and appropriate social status
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Activity II Fear of Failure

Groups of 6 with one leader appointed. The individuals are expected to discuss the following :
What does failure mean to me? What do I think about failure? How do I feel when I have failed? How would I feel if the group failed to resolve this issue?
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Causes of Fear of Failure

To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what "failure" actually means We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have different benchmarks, values, and belief systems
A failure to one person might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.
Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, having critical or unsupportive parents is a cause for some people. Because they were routinely undermined or humiliated in childhood, they carry those negative feelings into adulthood.
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Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause ( negative experience)
For example, say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly
The experience might have been so terrible that you developed a fear of failure about other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.
Just look around you: everyone is afraid of failure and rejection Some let it grow so deep within them that they find excuses everywhere and throw in the towel before even getting started. They never achieve their dreams or live up to their full potential Fear is merely an invisible force holding us back, made up by our own imagination.
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It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist
Danger is very real, but fear is a choice you make and lucky for you, the choice is yours!
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Perspectives towards Failure

We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate we are Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn.
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These lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are.
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Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed
Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life.
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Strategies to cope with Fear of Failure

It's important to realize that in everything we do, there's always a chance that we'll fail Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous it also gives us a fuller, more rewarding life However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing
1. Analyze all potential outcomes Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision.
2. Learn to think more positively Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage. Our article Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking is a comprehensive resource for learning how to change your thoughts.
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3. Look at the worse-case scenario In some cases, the worst case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.
4. Have a contingency plan If you're afraid of failing at something, having a "Plan B" in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.
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5. Focus on success instead of worrying about failing. Instead of thinking more about not making mistakes, set small goals that help you focus more on success.
6.
Learn how to perform efficiently rather than perfectly.
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7. One of the ways to change your reaction to failure is to

challenge the beliefs that create itthose ideas about what failure means. And the best way to change those beliefs, is to change the thoughts that shape them. Identify the things that go through your head right after you feel youve let yourself down.
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Paulo Coelho outlines the four steps to overcome the fear of failure 1. Acceptance of failure as reality (the fact of the matter is that failure does happen even to the best of us) 2. Learn from past ( remember the past failure/ Did your world come crashing down around you?)
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3. Relate to others ( listen to peoples story/Some of the biggest innovators and most successful people will admit to having gone through multiple failures before arriving to where they are now)
4. Utilize the failure as an learning experience ( learn, reflect, and learn some more)
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Cognitive model of Fear of Failure

A-B-C Model
Activating event (A)Belief (B)Consequence (C). - If you have irrational belief then consequence is likely to be negative
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So what can we do to change the irrational belief
A-B-C-D (Disputations of beliefs) E (Effective new belief)
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Some common irrational thinking/cognitive distortions:
1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING
2. OVER GENERALIZATION
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3. MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water
4. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
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5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation though there are no definite facts that convincingly support conclusion a. Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and you don't bother to check this out
b. The Fortune-teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact
6. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZlNG) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the binocular trick.
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7. SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn'ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration and resentment.
9.LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: I'm a loser. When someone elses behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: He's a goddamn louse. Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
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10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for
11. SELF-WORTH: You make an arbitrary decision that in order to accept yourself as worthy, okay, or to simply, feel good about yourself, you have to perform in a certain way; usually most or all the time.
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Activity
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You have an interview tomorrow You failed in exam/test
I am not capable of doing this job/ They may not like me I am always a failure/ I would never succeed Avoid interview/ nervous during the interview No more motivated to prepare/ decreased self esteem/ test anxiety
C
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Lead the discussion in the groups and ask them to fill the next slide
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E
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Overcoming Fear of Failure

Unhealthy Fear -- a fear that leads to exaggerated and violent behavior

Activity I Fear in a Hat

Consequences of Fear of Failure

Activity II Fear of Failure

Causes of Fear of Failure

Perspectives towards Failure

Strategies to cope with Fear of Failure

Learn how to perform efficiently rather than perfectly.

7. One of the ways to change your reaction to failure is to

Cognitive model of Fear of Failure

So what can we do to change the irrational belief

A-B-C-D (Disputations of beliefs) E (Effective new belief)

Some common irrational thinking/cognitive distortions:

You have an interview tomorrow You failed in exam/test

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