Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Family Functions
Family Seminar
by Trevor OReggio
Introduction
Most of us have experienced some pain and
anguish in our family of origin, some more
than others.
Why not just leave our families behind?
Why not forget about them and go on with
our lives?
We cant walk away and pretend our families
never happened.
Quote
As children, we tend to mold our personalities to adapt to our
environment. If our environment is supportive, nurturing,
and flexible, we are freed to express our own individuality. If
your environment is rigid, demanding, and conditional,
however, we are forced to shape our behavior to fit the needs
of others. We substitute our true self for a false self that is
more acceptable to our parents, whose love and approval we
need desperately. In essence we compromise who we really
are, and become what our parents need us to be.
Laurie Ashner and Mitch Meyerson,
When Parents Love Too Much,
(New York, NY: Avon Books, 1990), p. 53.
Quote
You may feel that your family or origin wasnt dysfunctional
since your father wasnt an alcoholic . . . . The truth is,
however, that, due to the fallen nature of all parents (and
children), all families are flawed and therefore dysfunctional
to a certain degree. Addictive and compulsive behaviors
(addictions to food, sex, work, and so on) are extremely
common in even the best of families, and such behavior is
almost always linked to some form of dysfunctional family
background.
Dave Carder, et al.,
Secrets of Your Family Tree,
Chicago, IL: Moody Press, 1991) p. 15.
The Family Defined
A family is more than a group of individuals
who happen to share the same address and
same last names.
Organism
A family is not merely a collection of separate
individuals but an organism in which
attitudes, values and actions of each member
interact with those of all the other members.
Quote
System
Linear and Interactive Thinking
Push resistant phenomenon
Importance of punctuation
Biblical example: Eph 4:28
Change the punctuation
Change meaning of passage
Our understanding of an event depends upon
mental punctuation
The Family Defined
Feedback Loops
The value of seeing things as feedback loops is
that it makes clearer that either party can change
the situation by changing his or her behavior.
The Family Defined
Donna nags
Donna nags
The Family and Change
Family Secrets
What are the forces that keep families locked
in dysfunctional patterns?
Inertia
Family Secrets
The Family and Change
Family Secrets
Family secrets are things that have
the parlor
you learn at a very early age that the one
Family Myths
Family myths are the opposite of family
secrets.
Quote
What is common to all such families is the commitment of all
family members to maintain the secrets through rigid rules
about what may and may not be talked about. These rules
prohibit spontaneity in the family relationships; with
spontaneity the real feelings and facts might be revealed.
Family members create powerful myths about their histories,
often leaving out the painful historical shapers of the shame.
The children in these families are loyal through their lack of
questioning about the past, thereby colluding in the familys
rules.
Merle A. Fossum and Marilyn J. Mason,
Facing Shame: Families in Recovery,
(New York, NY: Norton, 1986) pp. 45-46.
The Family and Change
Family Myths
Myths are things we talk about but never do.
Generational Respect
dysfunction
Most negative impact on members
Generational Splits
Lack of significant interaction between
Gender Splits
Men and boys stick together as do the woman
and girls.
Little emotional interaction across gender
lines
Strong notion of sex based roles.
Family Inventory.
Adaptability Scale
Attachment Scale
6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 16 18
Genogram
Everyone involved in it is
comfortable with all the others;
there is no reason for it to
change.
Principle of Balance
Unbalanced Triangle