Couples Therapy

The relationship as the client

Post WW-II history of marriage

 Economics
 Shift in type of work due to industrialization
 Necessity of dual incomes

 Technology
 Industrialization
 Transportation
 Birth control

 Social Norms (next slide)

The change in social norms

 Shift from external, role-oriented criteria (e.g., good worker,

provider, mother, wife) to internal criteria of personal satisfaction.

 Studies of changing themes in popular magazine articles about

marriage since the '50s document increased emphasis on self-
development, flexible and negotiable roles, and open
communication about problems. Surveys show similarly dramatic
changes in criteria for "marital satisfaction".

 These changes reflect increases in individualism and our

standard of living, as well as improved contraceptive methods
and greater availability of abortions.

 Could you conceive of staying in a marriage unless you're happy?

 Current statistics

 The American divorce rate has increased dramatically

since the mid 19th century (peak in early '80s).
 Between 50-67% of first marriages end in divorce -- and
the failure rate for second marriages is 10% higher.
Median duration is 7.2 years.
 More marriages now end in divorce than death (true since
1974).
 Couple therapy is a growing industry: From 1,000 licensed
marital therapists in 1972 to over 50,000 today.
 Barely half of couples report significant improvement from
therapy (compared to over 75% in individual therapy) --
and a third of those who improve have problems later on
(Bray & Jouriles).
 Characteristics of “happy” couples
Tolstoy’s adage:
“All happy families are alike, but
unhappy marriages are unhappy
in their own way.”

 Characteristics (John Gottman)

 foundation of affection and friendship
 "validation sequences“
 ability to resolve disagreements
 “positive sentiment override”
 a 5 to 1(or better) compliment-criticism ratio is optimal

 as the ratio decreases, marriage satisfaction decreases

 Amount of conflict relatively unimportant (all relationships have conflict)

 Distressed couples (Gottman cont.)
 Engage in a wide range of
destructive fighting techniques
 Personal attacks (name calling)
 Dredging up the past
 Losing focus (…and the “kitchen sink”)

 Tend to resort to the "four

horsemen of the apocalypse“
 Criticism (more common in women)
 Defensiveness
 Withdrawal (more common in men)
 Contempt
Couples’ interaction styles (Gottman cont.)

 Three ways of understanding couples’ interaction styles:

 Validating (optimal)
 the 5 to 1 ratio (optimal)
 respect partner's opinions and emotions
 compromise often
 resolve problems to mutual satisfaction

 Volatile
 arguments, conflict may or may not be resolved
 Vacillate between heated arguments and passionate
reconciliation

 Avoiding – do not deal with problems at all (agree to

disagree)

 Compatibility of interaction styles sometimes more

predictive of relationship success than the style itself
 Goals of therapy
 The most-studied form of couple therapy -- Behavioral Marital Therapy
 Help partners negotiate behavior change
 Teach more effective communication skills (e.g., active listening, how to argue)

 Gottman (microskills)
 Avoid the 4 horsemen and other forms of destructive fighting
 Focus on and encourage “positive sentiment override”

 Latest research findings

 Improving "communication skills" may not be the key to resolving many couple
problems (Baucom; Burleson & Denton).
 Good will between partners may be more important than good
communication skills
 Good language and communication skills can even make bad marriages
worse (e.g., keeps problem salient)

 Several promising new approaches

 Acceptance therapy (focus on interrupting partners' attempts to change each
other)
 Solution-focused therapy (intervention aims to identify exceptions to the problem
and reinforce strengths in the couple's relationship)
Therapeutic techniques

 Maintain balanced approach (don’t show favoritism)

 Have members of the couple talk to each other, not

the therapist

 Anticipate backsliding (habits are hard to change)